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Hashtag History, Huh?: A Queer Eye Netflix Special (2021)

Summary:

MEMO: Official Transcript of "Hashtag History, Huh?: A Queer Eye: More Than a Makeover Docuseries (The First Prince Special)" for Netflix, Inc.

Official Docuseries Title: "Hashtag 'History, Huh?'" (2021)
Number of Episodes: 3
Series Summary: "Spill the Royal-tea, sweetheart! The Fab Five are in New York City to help out everyone's favorite new royal couple come to terms with their new reality... and make history."

Approval status: PENDING

This transcript is strictly confidential and may contain privileged and proprietary information, which is protected under applicable laws and intended solely for the use of The White House and Buckingham Palace.

Chapter 1: Cold Open & Intro

Notes:

The work skin is absolutely necessary to view this work properly. You can choose not to deploy the skin but then it would kind of suck, sorry.

The format of this story is episodic in nature as it is patterned after a Netflix Miniseries. Each chapter (except the prologue) is a full episode. The full story will have three episodes (Alex, Henry, and The Reveal). And since this is a screenplay, y'all are just going to have to imagine the B-roll clips in between the "confessional" monologues.

Additional note is that due to the nature of the original program from which this work is patterned, this work technically toes the line with Real People Fiction. I must state explicitly that this is a work of fiction. In this narrative, please treat the Fab Five (and other surprise guests from real life), as fictional characters within the Red, White and Royal Blue universe.

This work is about Alex and Henry (and their friends and family). The very real Fab Five (and others) are mostly just there to help move the plot along. If any of this offends you, then please feel free to read something else.

Additionally, this is a blanket statement as I'm not comfortable sharing my social media handles with this account but please feel free to use any of my work for other fan content. Write adjacent/related fics, make art, translate, turn into a podfic, whathaveyou. Go nuts. I only ask that you credit me, tell me, and link me in the comments below. I'd absolutely love to see them.

Thank you!

- Merry (she/her)

Chapter Text

OFFICIAL TRANSCRIPT OF "Hashtag History, Huh?: A Queer Eye: More Than a Makeover Docuseries (The First Prince Special) for Netflix, Inc.

 

COLD OPEN

EXT./INT. THE FAB FIVE NEW YORK HQ - DAY

Cut in establishing shots of the New York City cityscape. Then, the establishing shot of THE FAB FIVE NEW YORK FLAT.

THE FAB FIVE are sitting individually. Middle frame shot, CONFESSIONAL-STYLE, with speedy jumpcuts.

JONATHAN VAN NESS (JVN) looks directly to camera with their eyes wide, mouth open. The camera zooms in, THE OFFICE-STYLE. JVN says nothing and only looks gleeful.

TAN

I'm surrounded by peasants.

ANTONI

This is probably going to be the most important thing I will ever get to do in my career.

JVN

(voice breaking)

Like, I can't even—right?

KARAMO

(teary-eyed, smiling)

This is... going to be epic.

BOBBY

(looking away)

Just thinking about these two boys... it makes me really emotional.

TAN

I'm so excited—I've literally always wanted to dress royalty... one queen to another. Never quite thought it'd be like this!

ANTONI

I mean... their love story? Literally changed the world, I—

ANTONI looks to camera, stunned and excited. He gestures with his hands, unable to say anything else.

JVN

Like, seriously, I’m like for real, like… I don’t know how I’m expected to not sob and cry and just—

TAN

(teasing)

I just hope these idiots won't embarrass me too much.

JVN

(sobbing while swiftly fanning himself)

Because you remember when he was like “History, huh?” and I was like—

(high pitched screams)

... You know?

BOBBY

This is a Netflix First Prince, Queer Eye Special, honey.

KARAMO

And our heroes this time around are unlike anyone else we've ever helped before.

ANTONI

Our heroes are always heroes to us... but these two...

TAN

They changed... everything.

JVN

Like... everything.

BOBBY

I mean—it’s not every day you get to not only meet actual, living, historical figures—

TAN

But also get to make them fabulous.

TAN snaps his fingers.

KARAMO

And really get to know their side of things and how they handled it after the scandal last year...

ANTONI

These guys really deserve some healing... and I hope we can do that for them.

BOBBY

In this special edition of Queer Eye, we're making history.

TAN

With His Royal Gay Highness, Prince Henry.

JVN

And our little baby bi legend king, Alex Claremont-Diaz, ugh. Right?

ANTONI

And together, we're giving First Prince some fresh flair.

KARAMO

Cue the theme song.

CUT TO [THEME SONG]

EXT./INT. THE FAB FIVE MOBILE - DAY

KARAMO is driving. On the passenger side seat is BOBBY. Sat in the back seat are TAN, ANTONI, AND JVN.

KARAMO

How we doin', we excited?

JVN

I'm like seriously about to crap my pants.

ANTONI

It's exciting! We've never had such, y'know, like deep intimate knowledge of our heroes before.

KARAMO

Did y'all read the emails?

BOBBY

(sharp inhale, shameful)

I did, I did... I'm not proud of it. I couldn't help myself.

TAN

Some... I read some parts of it.

ANTONI

Yeah, some parts I had to skip—

TAN

I'm a gossip! It was the biggest scandal in Britain since the King's abdication eons ago.

JVN

I mean, yeah, people were supes curious about it and I read like some quotes, you can't really get away from it—

KARAMO

Totally understand that, the news cycles really just went all in with it that there's no real way you wouldn't know at least some of it. I mean, I didn't read them but, there's just no way to not know, y'know?

BOBBY

Oh, absoutely, and I mean, just like—I felt so sorry and so bad for them—

ANTONI

And that's why this Queer Eye special is brought to you by the Fox Estate and the Okonjo Foundation.

JUMP CUT TO: FFNYF

INT. THE FAB FIVE NEW YORK FLAT - DAY

MIDDLE FRAME CLOSE UP, CONFESSIONAL

JUNE

Hi, I'm June Claremont-Diaz, and I'm the First Daughter of the United States, and my friend Nora Holleran and I nominated my brother and his boyfriend.

NORA

We didn't actually think it would happen but... we've been planning some stuff with the Queer Eye team in secret for a while. When we got the all-clear to go ahead, we brought Pez in.

JUNE

We're all big fans of the show and we're really excited for them to, just... get a break. And for people to see them as they are... as real people who... went through something pretty traumatic on a really massive, public scale.

PEZ

After Henry found out that we're doing this... he did eventually agree to it but insisted on us only using his money for everything.

CUT TO TFFM

INT. THE FAB FIVE MOBILE

KARAMO

So, tell us about our heroes, Bobby!

BOBBY

That's right, we've got a duo—we're doing them both this week—we've got Alex Claremont-Diaz, the First Son of the United States, and his partner, His Royal Highness, Prince Henry.

TAN

This all feels just, so special...

BOBBY

Right?! Alright, so they were nominated by Alex's sister, June Claremont-Diaz.

JVN

Loooooooove her! Ugh. We stan.

ANTONI

And this is some real important stuff, like, we've never had this much time to prepare before. I mean, this was months in the making...

KARAMO

It's a mini-series, baby!

BOBBY

And His Royal Highness, he—well, he's kind of moved to New York for a little bit to spearhead The Red, White, and Royal Blue Project, which is a non-profit organization in partnership with the Okonjo Foundation that helps out LGBTQ+ youths under the age of 25 in the United States and the United Kingdom.

JVN snaps his fingers excitedly.

JVN

Yaaaaas, queen!

BOBBY

So they think that we're just gonna makeover their new cute brownstone in Upper Manhattan. But really, we have also been hard at work on the very first Red, White and Royal Blue House which is to be the headquarters of Prince Henry's new project.

JUMP CUT TO TFFNYF

INT. THE FAB FIVE NEW YORK FLAT - DAY

MIDDLE FRAME CLOSE UP, CONFESSIONAL

PEZ

The Red, White and Royal Blue House is the first of many youth shelters we intend to establish in major metropolitan areas that caters mainly to LGBTQ+ youths and others like black youths, indigenous youths, and youths of color.

NORA

The House was Henry's idea, our gift was mainly just figuring out the logistics.

JUNE

And they don't know that it's pretty much almost done.

PEZ

I already knew a lot of Henry's notes and his vision for the House, it was a total pleasure to let the Queer Eye team do the fancy bits.

JUNE

Yeah, we'd rather let Bobby Berk do the design instead of us. That's way out of our pay grade.

CUT TO TFFM

INT. THE FAB FIVE MOBILE - DAY

TAN

I... love that so, so, so, so much.

KARAMO

They're using their platform to just—give back to this community and it's so heartwarming.

ANTONI

I can't even imagine going through... all of that... and still putting themselves out there to help others, it's really, really remarkable.

JVN

(while clapping their hands to the beat)

We're talking affecting federal policy, we're talking international relations, we're talking global celebration as—

(snapping per syllable)

one of highest-ranking royals—

(normally)

in the most famous monarchy in the world... is a little baby gay.

BOBBY

Yeah, this is probably the most influential, high-stakes makeover we will ever do. We're going to give them some well-deserved R&R and a true, official red-carpet welcome to The Out and Proud Club.

ANTONI

Like we're living in actual history-defining times right now.

KARAMO

(smirking to camera)

History, huh?

The camera zooms in further on KARAMO.

KARAMO (cont'd)

Bet we could make some.

(yells to everyone else in the car)

Are you queens ready for this?

BOBBY, ANTONI, TAN, & JVN

YAAAAAS!

EXT. THE FAB FIVE MOBILE - DAY

JVN (O.C.)

Tanny, will you teach me how to curtsy?

CUT TO TITLE CARD 001

[ TITLE CARD 001 ]

TITLE CARD 001 A & B: "DAY 1: WHAT'S THE ROYAL-TEA?"

CUT TO THE BROWNSTONE

EXT./INT. THE BROWNSTONE - DAY

In the show, an EXTERIOR ESTABLISHING SHOT is shown of a generic brownstone in New York City. Not actual. The scene cuts to the BROWNSTONE ACTUAL. It is a tastefully decorated brownstone, full of non-offending dark blues and beiges. The walls are made of tasteful, exposed brick. There are framed, stock-image paintings on the walls.

HENRY is seen fluffing pillows on the couch. ALEX is by the kitchen island and is filling a second glass with water. ALEX walks over to HENRY and hands him the glass. HENRY takes it.

HENRY

They ought to be here any moment, right?

ALEX

Yeah, it's not like they're allowed to ambush us.

HENRY

Does that take away from the magic of it?

ALEX

I don't think so—I mean, it's still exciting, right? Who knows what they've got planned for us...

HENRY

I'm not too sure if I'm excited, actually. I'm not exactly used to surprises, love...

ALEX

(hushed)

It'll be fine, baby.

HENRY

(quietly)

I know. I hope so.

INT. THE BROWNSTONE - HALLWAY - DAY

THE FAB FIVE are seen holding hands and sneaking on their tip toes by the hallway. They are greeted by two Secret Service Agents who are stationed by the door. (NOTE: They are not the actual Secret Service Agents, for security reasons, and are there only for show.) KARAMO turns his back and gestures for them to shush.

KARAMO approaches the door and presses the door bell.

INT. THE BROWNSTONE - THE LIVING ROOM - DAY

HENRY and ALEX stand up a little straighter and look at each other. ALEX smiles and jogs to the door. HENRY brushes himself off and stands by the corner of the couch. ALEX opens the door.

KARAMO

Hey, hey, hey! Bring it in!

KARAMO hugs ALEX in the traditional KARAMO way. HENRY is seen looking stately, standing straight, and smiling politely. JVN rushes in to hug ALEX right after. Then, BOBBY. Then, ANTONI. Then, TAN.

JVN

Oh my gosh, hiiiiiiii!

BOBBY

Alex! So good to meet you!

ANTONI

It's a true honor.

ALEX

The honor is all mine, please, please, come in—

TAN

Right out the gate, I have to say, I just loved your address. Truly, truly exceptional.

ALEX

Thank you. Thank you so much.

KARAMO moves to bow politely to HENRY and HENRY waves off the gesture.

HENRY

Please, no, no, there's really no need for that—

BOBBY

So, like, what's the deal here—do we still have to call you Your Majesty, or...

HENRY

It's 'Highness' but no, you don't have to—you can just call me Henry, it's all perfectly alright.

JVN

Oh my goooood, Prince H, look at you with that gorge hair—hello! Can I touch?

HENRY

Uh-I-yes, yeah, of course, sure.

JVN runs his fingers through HENRY'S hair and luxuriates in the feeling of it. HENRY tucks his lips and in while ALEX watches, grins, and stifles a laugh.

JVN

Ugh, so lush—ah! Royal hair!

BOBBY

Calm down, Jonny—

KARAMO surveys the look of the whole room. ANTONI finds DAVID who is napping on a dog bed that matches the mustard couch.

ANTONI

(cooing and hushed, looking to handheld camera 1)

Oooooh my god, the royal puppyyyyyyyy—

KARAMO

This place is so nice, there's a lot of room—a lot we can work with—

BOBBY

(in a whisper to Karamo)

Especially since there's nothing in here.

TAN

Right, right, it's very bare bones. It's like it's still for sale.

CUT TO CONFESSIONAL

INT. THE FAB FIVE NEW YORK HQ - DAY

MIDDLE FRAME CLOSE UP - CONFESSIONAL

JVN

Okay, first impressions, they are so cute!

(in a baby voice)

So precious, I just wanna scoop 'em up and hold them and protect them from the world forever and ever and ever.

(normally)

You know what I mean?

[ INSERT B-ROLL OF BROWNSTONE ]

BOBBY (O.C.)

I mean, it's a beautiful space, but nothing about it says that a prince lives here—that anyone with a personality and a pulse lives here. Like, there's nothing about this home that tells me there's love here—it's very much in the house stage.

CUT TO REGULAR

INT. THE BROWNSTONE - THE LIVING ROOM - DAY

BOBBY

Okay, first off, who decorated this place?

HENRY

It's newly purchased as furnished so we haven't really done much to it. Usually, someone would be brought in to handle the interior decor but... we're shaking things up, as it were.

BOBBY

And are you happy with it, are you particularly attached to any of the rooms at all, or?

HENRY

N-not particularly, I mean... honestly, we haven't done much to it yet and we don't really know where to start. A lot of the places I'm used to were rooms I was born into. Official, pre-planned residences that go back generations. A lot of why I insisted for no one to touch this place is because... it would be the first time I would actually be in a place I had a hand in making mine.

BOBBY

So there's no, like, royal decorator I have to fight with on all this or anything?

HENRY

(bashful, smiling)

N-no, no. Just myself and Alex. He... he still officially lives in... in The White House but this space is as much for him as it is for me. It would be nice to have a place that I... I can truly personalize for the first time.

INT. THE BROWNSTONE - THE KITCHEN - DAY

ANTONI opens the refrigerator to survey its contents. KARAMO is with him.

KARAMO

It's stocked pretty well.

ANTONI

But you have to wonder if they do their own shopping for this, like, who makes the menu for these guys?

KARAMO

Personal chef, personal shopper... but I do want to know them on, like, a personal level, you know? Sure, they're well taken care of because they have to be, but on how much of this do they actually have a say?

ANTONI

Ooooh, look at their ice cream freezer up here, let's just...

KARAMO

I could do with an ice cream, yeah—

ANTONI gets a fresh box of CORNETTO'S from the refrigerator and gives one to KARAMO.

KARAMO

So wild that we're just out here raiding a prince's kitchen and taking his ice cream.

ANTONI

(smiling, scandalized, and hushed)

Should we have asked for permission?

INT. THE BROWNSTONE - THE MASTER BEDROOM - DAY

ALEX is showing TAN and JVN the bedroom where the WALK-IN CLOSET and MASTER EN-SUITE BATHROOM are connected.

TAN

So, where the magic happens, yeah?

ALEX

(blushing)

I mean, yeah, sure.

TAN

I don't care about that—where's the clothes?

JVN gestures for CAMERA 2 to follow them as they tiptoe/frolick to the bathroom.

ALEX, on the other hand, leads TAN to the walk-in closet.

ALEX

I split my time between here and The White House. I'm in NYU, working on my law degree, but I do still spend a fair amount of time in The White House on official business. This part is all Henry's and here's all mine.

TAN

And how would you describe Henry's style?

ALEX

(smirking)

I mean, he looks good and it's gotten better over time but he... he was... pretty boring. And I've told him as much.

TAN

True, true—the men of the Royal Family aren't exactly heralded in history as fashion icons.

ALEX

He's started wearing ties with print which is about as adventurous as he's gotten, style-wise.

As they talk, TAN is inspecting the clothes hanging on what ALEX had indicated was his side of the closet.

TAN

And what about you? You're clearly a very stylish young man... I'm liking what I'm seeing...

ALEX

I'm quoting you on that, I get a lot of heat for the way I dress—

TAN

I mean, it is a bit safe and a bit basic—a fair amount more casual than Henry is allowed to be which makes you a touch more cool, yes, but you're a gay icon now, my love, you've got to dress the part. And I'm seeing a lot of Gap.

ALEX

They've got pretty nice shirts and they fit me well and I don't really want to spend a lot of money on expensive clothes—

TAN

Well, first of all, you're the First Son, so you've got to look a certain part. Designers would be tripping over themselves to want to dress the most famous First Son in history. Secondly, I say this all the time, but you don't need to shop expensively to look good—and there's more than one way to do that. You have a good idea on what looks good on you, which I love, and I'm thinking I can help you elevate that and still look cool and professional but just... a touch more sexy.

ALEX

(grinning)

I'm into that. I'm all about it.

INT. THE BROWNSTONE - THE MASTER BATHROOM - DAY

JVN is looking over the products that are seen all over the bathroom and is talking to the camera.

JVN

Okay, so we've got a pretty comprehensive skincare situ-aysh here, which we love. And ooh, look at her—a little baby SPF45 with four pluses on the PA so we've got that extra UVA protection. We love to see that. Haircare... this is probably, like, the best bathroom that I've ever had to make over and I don't really need to, like, do much—so I'm thinking I'm more here on, like, a little pampering moment, y'know? Let's check the shower.

JVN goes to the shower cubby and gasps.

JVN

(shrieks)

NOOOOOOOOO!

CAMERA 2 zooms in and shows a bright green bottle of IRISH SPRING 5-IN-1 BODY WASH.

CUT TO FFNYF

INT. THE FAB FIVE NEW YORK FLAT - DAY

MIDDLE FRAME CLOSE UP, CONFESSIONAL

JUNE is smiling at the camera and waggles her eyebrows.

JUNE

(fake-whispering)

Yeah, that was me.

CUT TO THE BROWNSTONE

INT. THE BROWNSTONE - THE MASTER BATHROOM - DAY (CONT'D)

ALEX and TAN come running to the bathroom to find JVN looking appalled in the shower. They have a hand against their heart and another hand with their fingers pressing against their forehead, as if in prayer.

JVN

Please tell me that you guys don't actually use Irish Spring or I will, like, be forced to unstan immediately.

ALEX

(horrified)

Th-that wasn't—that's no ones! We don't—

TAN reaches over and gets the body wash.

TAN

(reading)

Five in one... shampoo, conditioner, body, face, and 24 hour deodorizer—oh, that's disgusting!

CUT TO FFNYH

INT. THE FAB FIVE NEW YORK FLAT - DAY

MIDDLE FRAME CLOSE UP, CONFESSIONAL

JVN

(looks in the distance)

I felt... so betrayed in that moment.

TAN

(to camera A)

If you're out there and you actually want to use this stuff? Do better.

CUT TO THE BROWNSTONE

INT. THE BROWNSTONE - THE MASTER BATHROOM - DAY

BOBBY, HENRY, KARAMO, and ANTONI have rushed to the bathroom as well to see the bottle of Irish Spring.

HENRY

(grinning)

Listen, I've been trying to get him to switch up—

ALEX turns bright red.

ALEX

This was you?!

CUT TO FFNYH

INT. THE FAB FIVE NEW YORK FLAT - DAY

MIDDLE FRAME CLOSE UP, CONFESSIONAL

HENRY

June told me earlier that she was planting it before the Fab Five got here.

HENRY grins.

CUT TO THE BROWNSTONE

INT. THE BROWNSTONE - DAY (MONTAGE)

Insert B-roll of ALEX and HENRY showing the FAB FIVE all over the house. Max: 3 secs per shot. Sequence: 5 scenes, max. Cut to everyone meeting back at THE BROWNSTONE - THE LIVING ROOM.

ALEX and HENRY are sitting next to each other. ALEX has his arm by the back of the couch, almost holding HENRY, but not quite. It's a dark, mustard-colored sectional couch. KARAMO sits next to HENRY, then BOBBY, then JVN, then TAN. ANTONI is sitting on the backrest while holding DAVID, the prince's pet beagle, in his arms. DAVID looks content and sleepy while ANTONI pets him.

KARAMO

(to Alex and Henry)

Alright, so, how are you guys feeling? Still ready for this?

ALEX

I'm scared of you, specifically, because I'm not sure I'm prepared to cry on camera.

EVERYONE laughs.

HENRY

It's-it's... it's unlike anything we've ever done before.

BOBBY

If it helps, we've also never done this quite like this before... it's a whole new experience for all of us.

ANTONI

Honest, we just want to make this a fun, healing experience for you guys—

JVN

And, like, this is super major for everyone out there to really get to know you guys—you know, like, on camera. And really understand, like, what you guys have been through and what everybody is really like.

TAN

It does... so much good... for so many others to see young, successful, happy gay and bisexual men living their lives, you know, as normal. Because we are.

KARAMO

That's right—we are. We're just people. And allowing yourselves to be this vulnerable and open with an audience, with the whole world watching, it's just... so remarkable. And we really just want to thank you for the opportunity and for... for sharing your lives with us like this, when you don't owe us anything.

ALEX

Yeah, we, um... we know that we're not your typical, everyday person. We're very public people, not by any sort of choice that we made, but because of our family. And I... I kind of chose a public life anyway, regardless, and it's... we're not doing this to sensationalize ourselves or anything.

HENRY

It's more... it would have meant the world to me, as a child, as a young person, to see... another man like myself. Someone real, not just imagined, living his life with someone he loves—

(looking to Alex)

And loving a man. Living a life like normal—or as normal as we can be.

TAN

That's absolutely true—as a young boy, I never thought I could be stylish and gay and successful and married to the love of my life all at the same time. And I get messages from young people, telling me that just me living my life has somehow changed their lives...

ALEX

Right so we... we wanted to demystify ourselves. Show everybody that... that it's possible to be happy. That... we're just—two men. I mean, granted, Henry's a prince but that's the only outlier, really—otherwise, separated from all the politics, we're perfectly normal.

CUT TO FFNYF

[ SPLICE B-ROLL CLIPS BETWEEN CONFESSIONALS ]

INT. THE FAB FIVE NEW YORK FLAT - DAY

MIDDLE FRAME CLOSE UP, CONFESSIONAL

KARAMO

Alex and Henry's love story revolutionized the world we live in and as we discovered their story, as it happened, not a lot of people really took into account what happened to them. And how it affected them. The violence with how they were cruelly outed to the world—and it was violent, make no mistake about that, shook me personally and it made me think of my boys. My sons. And it got me thinking of... well, has anyone taken care of them?

ANTONI

Hearing Henry and Alex talk about their experience and them wanting to turn their narratives into this... crusade that helps others, it's...

(sniffles, voice breaking)

They're so selfless and, just, such kind, good people who found love with each other.

BOBBY

So much was taken from these boys—and, to me, that's what they are. They're so young and to have so much responsibility, to have the stage that they do... I want this home to be... something that's just for them. These boys are my heroes and are, undoubtedly, the heroes of other gay and bisexual men out there. And I'm in such a unique position to, like, give back to them.

(sniffles)

I'm gonna make them proud. They deserve something good. They deserve a space that feels like home for them and just for them.

JVN

What people don't, like, don't understand about the reality of being LGBTQ+ in this world is that when you're like us, it takes so much to live your truth. And when you step out of that closet, you have to keep coming out. Over and over and over and over. That's a choice you can't undo because, like, there is evil in the world. That evil is scary and violent and cruel. And when you're like us, like us-us, and have to be in a public platform, it's like—you're raising a beacon for everybody that can't. That you're afraid, sure, but that your love trumps that fear. You're raising the hope of a someday when it won't be scandalous to love who you love. Alex and Henry are... everything that the world needs right now.

TAN

I can't even imagine the kind of strength that these boys have. I'm so happy that they're surrounded by such supportive friends and family, because I know that's not true for a lot of us out there.

(getting tearful)

What happened to them, it... it makes me so angry and just—it means the world to me that they've got a network that fights for them, that protects them, and that they're giving back to others who don't have that luxury. Because it takes... it takes so much kindness and so much courage to...

(voice breaking)

To turn around and face a world that is designed to hurt you and say, our love is stronger than your hate. So if you don't like it, you can fuck right off.

cut to B-ROLL CITYSCAPE MONTAGE