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“Let them do it.”
Beau doesn’t even realize she’s said it until it’s out of her mouth, a creaking whisper, barely audible above the breathing of the rest of their friends. A selfish part of her brain hisses in disagreement but then Yasha turns wide, wet eyes on her and Beau’s decision is made. Yasha, here on her knees between the grave of the first woman she loved - the one she lost - and Beau? It’s not even a question.
“They can give you your wife back, Yash,” Her voice surprises even her in how steady it is this time, sure and loud. Like a part of her heart has already accepted what she knows is coming.
“How could we want anything else for you?”
Yasha’s hand comes up to cover Beau’s where it rests on her shoulder and squeezes hard three times. Beau tries not to imagine what she’s trying to say and turns back to Jester and Caduceus, both of whom wear expressions she could decipher but doesn’t dare to.
:::
Resurrecting Zuala takes over an hour. By the time they’ve got her body dug up (Yasha had shuddered and turned her face into Beau’s stomach as the others pulled her up in two pieces and Beau threaded her fingers into Yasha’s hair) and placed her at the center of the circle, night has truly fallen. The full moon shines through the branches and into the clearing where they’ve set up, accompanied by Caleb’s globules of light. Everyone is walking on eggshells around both of them. Yasha’s hand is like a vice around Beau’s and Beau does her best to soothe Yasha where she can. It feels distant, like she’s disconnected from her body. Beau’s pretty good at locking her vulnerable feelings away and when she can feel the eyes of the rest of the Nein on her, she avoids them.
The ritual itself feels like a blur. Caduceus runs it, offering up a small shred of residuum on top of the diamond and as the spell consumes it, muscle, sinew, flesh, and hair manifest on the bones, stitching her head back from where it had been parted. Even in death, she’s beautiful; brown skin and auburn hair, messy like Yasha’s. High cheekbones, a curved nose and long limbs. Yasha flinches back hard against Beau but she stands resolute behind her, a pillar for Yasha to crumble against if she needs to. The bones of Beau’s hand grind together under Yasha’s grip but it’s a good kind of pain that keeps her distracted from the bad kind that’s brewing in her chest.
Surprisingly enough, it’s Veth who offers something next. She talks quietly about spouses losing their loved ones and how they should be left alone and Beau tries really hard not to feel betrayed.
The circle glows brighter as she finishes. Zuala is backlit, hair splayed out around her still form and the rest of the Nein look to Yasha and wait. The minutes of silence stretch until Beau squeezes her shoulder. Yasha’s entire body flinches forward but she’s still anchored under Beau’s hand. The lilt of Celestial pours out of her mouth and Beau only catches the first few words (“We met and the world bloomed.”), before she has to call up the memory of the waves in Nicodranas. Every particle in her wants to tremor, revolt, shake apart and stake her claim but no. This is for Yasha. Fucking anything for Yasha. She’s still holding onto Beau like a lifeline and didn’t Beau say on their first date that anything with her would be enough? Time to prove it.
Yasha finishes speaking and falls back on her heels, back against Beau and Beau holds her up, holds her close as the circle glows even brighter. A warm breeze kicks through the clearing and there’s a gasp from the ground. Honey brown eyes flash open and Zuala takes her second first breath.
The sob that comes out of Yasha is nearly enough to undo Beau. She only has a moment to process it before Yasha is lunging forward, dropping Beau’s hand in favor of scooping Zuala against her chest, murmuring softly.
“Yasha,” Zuala gasps, tears already streaming down her face and gods , even her voice is beautiful. The Celestial bubbles out of her too and Beau catches, “My heart, I can feel you again,” before the waves are crashing in her mind once again.
:::
They spend the night in the dome, a day of traveling having depleted Caleb’s energy for something like the tower. It’s even more cramped with an extra person (Zuala isn’t quite as tall as Yasha but she’s lanky and getting used to having a body again) and they’re all squished close together. Jester and Caduceus pour multiple healing and restoration spells into her and she stares around at all of them in awe before a smile splits her face.
“I see you’ve made a family,” Zuala’s resting against Yasha’s chest by now, in the V of her legs and has to crane her neck around to look Yasha in the face. For her part, Yasha has barely glanced away since her wife’s eyes opened, the whole of her hand resting flat on Zuala’s chest, arms, the back of her neck, anywhere she can reach, like if she’s not in contact with her, Zuala will disappear. Beau can’t blame her.
Jester introduces everyone smilingly and only falters a little when she gets to Beau. The tension in the group is growing weird but where Yasha is often quiet or reserved, Zuala talks. She smiles and engages easily, and soon all of the Nein are huddled close, telling her the group’s greatest hits.
Beau even finds herself being swept up momentarily, throwing in a glib comment or cool move one of their friends made. It shouldn’t be this easy to pretend things are normal, when her insides feel like they’re detonating.
She can feel Yasha’s eyes on her. She doesn’t meet them, and when it’s finally time to settle down for sleep, Beau finds herself looking out the far side of the dome, back to back with Caleb. She doesn’t see Yasha watching her from across the dome all night. Doesn’t know that Yasha sees how her shoulders tremble or the way she clutches Frumpkin when Caleb sends him over.
They lay low in Zadash for a few days. The Gentleman lets them set up the door to the tower in a store room and Beau keeps herself busy. She runs everyone’s errands, escorts Caleb to the Cobalt Soul library, trains with Fjord, trains alone , and drinks herself to sleep.
Caleb and Fjord both try to bring things up, but the idea of trying to verbalize the cacophony in her brain is painfully unappetizing. Fjord usually gets a surprise round of sparring for trying to broach the subject and she has straight up left Caleb at the Soul on his own on more than one occasion. She refuses to be alone at all with Caduceus or Jester long enough for either of them to even approach the topic and she makes sure her door is locked at night.
She avoids Yasha entirely. She can see the look on the other woman’s face when they’re in the same room. She knows what’s coming. Honestly, it’s in both of their own best interests not to discuss it. Beau will probably cry, try though she might not to, Yasha will feel even more guilty and that’s the last thing Beau wants. No. This unspoken understanding is confirmation enough.
It’s fucking hard. It fucking sucks.
Beau reflects on more than one drunken occasion that this would be easier if she genuinely didn’t like Zuala. If she was a terrible person or not so godsdamn beautiful and charismatic but the issue is, Beau genuinely thinks Zuala is great. She’s funny and a little brash and stubborn and gorgeous and of course Yasha’s in love with her. All of the Mighty Nein, including Beau, are attached to her already and it’s barely been a week. It would feel like a betrayal if she didn’t fit into their family so perfectly.
Yasha hovers close to Zuala at all times, explaining things about the Empire or offering herself up as a mobility aid, staring in utter, besotted disbelief. It’s endearing in a way that rips Beau down to her core.
Another week passes and she can’t take it anymore; the self isolation, the heartache, the shame. She keeps telling herself it’s going to get better, easier with time but it doesn’t and she’s tired of feeling like a terrible person for being happy someone is alive again. Dairon has a mission for her to take. A one person job, low stakes. If Beau has the time, it would be a good run for her. Beau says yes, almost before Dairon’s gotten the whole offer out and they squint at her in suspicion.
Beau wants to just go. Pack a bag, leave a note and scram but… it doesn’t feel fair. To any of them, but particularly to Yasha. They’re still… they’ve still got each other’s backs. And she’s confident enough in her place with the group to know they’ll all worry if she just disappears so… Yasha should be the one she tells, right? She also secretly knows that all of them will give her sad, disappointed looks if they’re the one she’s telling and not Yasha. They’ll probably make her tell Yasha anyway so it’s just better and easier to cut out the sad middleman and go straight to the sad boss, right?
It’s still early when she gets everything together and floats through the iris, down to the floor below her room. Beau knocks on the door where Yasha and Zuala have been resting. There’s already a heavy buzzing under her skin but she will not lose it until she out of this stupid tower and on her way to Taldo-
Zuala opens the door because of course she does. She smiles at Beau and then frowns when she sees the bag flung across her shoulders.
“Going somewhere?”
Shit. Beau swallows hard.
“Uh. Yeah, I just… Is Yasha around?”
Zuala’s face softens in a way Beau recognizes, “She’s resting. I don’t think she’s been sleeping much. She’s always awake before me and after I fall asleep. Like she’s been keeping watch. It’s a miracle I made it to the door without waking her up.”
The back of Beau’s neck feels hot, “Yeah, she does that when she’s worried about- I don’t know why I’m telling you this. You know.” The ache in her throat grows and Beau grinds her back teeth.
“You love her.” Zuala says simply, face gentle but Beau feels her eyes go wide as the alarm bells blare inside her head.
“Yeah,” she stutters, “We all- one big happy family. Lots of love going around.”
Zuala huffs and takes Beau’s elbow, “Come sit with me. My stamina is still terrible.”
Beau drops her bag and doesn’t mention all the dancing she’d seen Zuala and Jester doing earlier, but takes her weight easily. Instead of going into Yasha’s room, Zuala leads them to the wall opposite the door and slides down against it, pulling Beau with her.
“You know that’s not what I mean,” Zuala says easily, “You and she are together, yes?”
Fuck, fuck, fuck, abort, get out, but all that comes out of Beau’s mouth is a strangled whine.
Zuala laughs and Beau begins to bristle but Zuala squeezes Beau’s arm where her hand is still looped through, “Yasha told me herself, don’t worry. And even if she hadn’t, you’d have to be a fool to miss it. Do you take me for a fool, Beauregard?”
Her eyes dance with mischief as she grins down at Beau but all Beau can feel is nausea and the only thing she can think to spit out is, “I’m sorry.”
Zuala reels back slightly to look Beau in the eye, “What in the Nine Hells could you be sorry for?”
Beau feels herself scowl up at the other woman. The fuck does she mean?
“I- She- Dude, she’s your wife!”
“And?”
Beau stares at her, incredulous.
Zuala continues, “We got married illegally, in secret, and then , I died! We are not a ringing endorsement for a typical romance. Why in the world would I be upset with someone loving her and her giving that love in return?”
Beau flounders. This is… not at all what she was expecting.
Zuala’s not done. “Is this why you’ve been avoiding her?”
The air whooshes out of Beau and she drops her head, “She seemed like she wanted to stay close to you,” It sounds a little bitter coming out and she back pedals.
“And why wouldn’t she! She, we all, thought you were dead. You were dead. And then to get you back? ” Beau shakes her head, “I’m not going to be the asshole who tries to shoehorn themself into your tearful reunion.”
Zuala’s eyes are sharp even though her tone remains gentle, “And so this bag you have packed. You were going to leave because… you thought that’s what she wanted or…?”
The lump in Beau’s throat bobs because yes part of her has definitely come to that conclusion.
“I… I was going to tell her first. Say I have a mission from the Soul. I wasn’t just going to leave her.” It sounds feeble even to her own ears.
To her surprise, Zuala chuckles. Closes her eyes and shakes her head before tightening her grip on Beau’s arm. She looks sad, almost pained and Beau is on the verge of extricating herself to go get Caduceus for help before Zuala speaks again.
“I thought our girl had a hard time explaining her feelings. Storm Lord above, Beau, were you even going to give her a chance to talk to you?”
Something warm flares in the pit of Beau’s stomach at ‘our girl,’ which is immediately dampened by the acidic burn of shame that dumps into her belly. Saying it out loud has definitely brought out the… flaws in… everything. Her eyes drop to her hands where they’re pressed between her knees.
“I thought I was making it easier on her. If she doesn’t have to tell me that it’s… that we’re…” She can’t even bring herself to say the words and even just imagining them makes her throat close and sears her chest. Finally, robotically she settles on, “I thought it would be easier for both of us. I’m grateful for whatever time I had with her.”
Beau can feel Zuala’s gaze boring holes into the side of her head, sizing her up and, thankfully, not calling her out for all the deflections she knows Beau has just listed.
“Oh Beau,” It’s unbearably delicate, especially to be coming from the wife of the woman she loves, “You delightful dumbass, we’re going to have to talk about that later.”
Beau snorts, moderately horrified as a tear drips out of the side of her eye and streaks down her cheek. Stupid. She tucks her chin quickly and wipes it away on the shoulder of her robe. Zuala continues like she didn’t notice, even though she definitely did.
“She’s been so sad,” Ouch , “And guilty in about eight different directions. She tries to hide it but I can tell. I know you can too.”
Beau could. She’d convinced herself it had nothing to do with her. Considering it is still too much. Her skin is still vibrating in that terrible way that lets her know just how on the edge she is and it’s taking everything in her to stay in control.
“I just,” Beau curses how shaky her voice is and pauses to clear her throat before continuing, “She deserves to have you back without any complications.”
She can feel Zuala rolling her eyes, “And what if she wants complications?”
Beau scoffs, “Yeah, right. There’s you and your history and the… star crossed, ill-fated lovers thing and then, what? A loud mouth monk? It’s no contest.”
“You’re right,” Beau hates that her stomach sinks but then Zuala squeezes her arm again, “There is not a contest. Because she shouldn’t have to choose.”
That shocks Beau into looking up at her. There’s no trace of malice or mirth on her face. If Beau didn’t know any better, she’d say she was serious. A weird buzzing starts in her ears as she stares up at Zuala. Because there’s no way-
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying, she would never ask us because she doesn’t feel she deserves it. Which is nonsense.”
“Obviously.” Beau thinks she knows where this is going but doesn’t dare to hope.
Zuala grins at the interjection, “But if you’re open to it, giving her the option of…. What was the phrase? Having her cake and eating it too…”
Holy shit, that is what she means, “What, you mean? You’re with her and I’m with her and it’s all… okay?”
Beau’s caution is unnecessary and Zuala shrugs like the proposition is no big deal, “Why not? There’s plenty of love to go around. An ‘everyone wins’ scenario. What do you think?”
It takes every ounce of training in Beau not to break into a painfully wide smile, “I’m actually very okay with this. Are you sure?”
Zuala rolls her eyes and pretends to think, “Another person to help me shower love and affection on the person who we mutually love more than anyone else? Yes, I’m very sure.”
A laugh bubbles out of Beau and a wave of emotion crashes through her, so strong and heavy that she doesn’t even want to try to name its components.
“I’m not saying it’s going to be easy,” Zuala giggles a little too, “But… Gods, it has to be better than you two being sad and then the rest of us being worried about it.”
“We weren’t that bad,” Beau sputters.
“You punched Fjord for bringing Yasha up.”
“We were training!”
“He was doing sit ups!”
“He’s got to be ready for attacks at any time. Wait, how did you know about that anyway?”
“Jester and I have become very fast friends,” Zuala smirks.
“Sneaky little traitor,” Beau mutters without any venom.
“Well, you were avoiding her too so she couldn’t bring it up with you herself.”
“You’re all a bunch of gossips.”
Zuala laughs and then tugs on one of Beau’s earrings, “Go talk to Yasha.” That sobers Beau a bit but Zuala releases her ear and starts moving like she’s going to try to stand, “She’s been missing you terribly and I’m craving a snack. Jester promised she’d teach me about donuts now that my stomach has adjusted to real food again. You and Yasha and I can discuss particulars later.”
Beau blinks hard, still trying to make out exactly what agreement they’ve just found, but nods slowly. She clambers to her feet, a little less gracefully than usual, and then reaches back to help Zuala up.
The other woman stays close, hovering in Beau’s space and Beau can’t help herself, “Are you… this is really okay with you? I can… we can.. share?”
Beau winces at the word and Zuala’s nose wrinkles a little too.
“We’ll find a better word for it. But yes, Beau. I promise. We all bloody well deserve some happiness.” She leans down, still a touch unsteady, and kisses Beau’s cheek.
“Cool.” She definitely doesn’t blush, and then holds out her staff for Zuala to use as a walking stick, “Here.”
“Thank you, Beau.” Zuala smirks again and Beau huffs, the heat in her cheeks still not dissipating.
“Don’t let Jes feed you any donuts out of the haversack, Gods know how long they’ve been in there. The cats should be able to make whatever she’s after.”
“Noted. Now quit stalling.”
Zuala steps into the iris and floats upward. Beau watches. Waits until she hears the knocks on Jester’s door and the, “Quit making out with Fjord and come teach me about pastries,” before setting her sights on Yasha’s door in front of her and making the very slow, painstaking walk toward it.
The fire is low when she gets inside, though the temperature doesn’t change. It’s shadowy and, after kicking off her boots, Beau makes her way to Yasha’s bedroom mostly on muscle memory. The door is cracked just wide enough to see through and Beau pauses for a moment to take it in.
Things in Yasha’s room are mostly the same, save for the fact that her sleeping mat has been replaced by an actual bed. Beau suspects Caleb implemented the change a while ago, but before they found Zuala… well, most of their nights had been spent under Beau’s mirror.
Yasha’s asleep on the bed, her hair sprawled around her. She’s stripped down to her breastband and some leggings, expanses of scarred, pale skin against dark sheets. One arm is flung out toward the empty side of the bed, the other rests over her chest. She looks worried, even in sleep and all Beau wants is to press in close, hold her, touch her, kiss her, anything to make it better.
The door creaks as Beau pushes it open and Yasha is immediately awake. She sits up in a panic, braids flying, eyes scanning frantically until they land on Beau. She freezes, still half covered in the blanket, one hand partway toward her sword.
“Hey,” Beau’s mouth is dry suddenly. What if Yasha doesn’t want to talk to her now? What if she’s left it too long and Yasha’s realized she actually doesn’t want anything to do with Beau? What if Zuala was wrong?
Yasha blinks hard, her chest heaving. Beau can’t decide if it’s from being woken up so suddenly or whatever emotions they’re both trying to get a handle on. There’s another beat of silence between them. Then Yasha reaches out and, in a motion that nearly cracks Beau’s heart in two, opens and closes both hands several times in Beau’s direction.
Beau’s feet are moving before she registers. She crashes onto the bed, and crawls into Yasha’s waiting arms. Out of habit, she spoons in against her front as Yasha lays down again, not settling until she can feel every inch of Yasha against her back. The contact seems to ignite and settle something in her at the same time and she can’t stop the sigh of contentment that slips out. Yasha’s arm drapes across Beau’s chest, clutching her close and Beau thread her fingers between Yasha’s, clumsily bringing their linked hands up to press her lips against them.
Beau can feel the irregular puffs of air against the back of her neck and the telltale shudder of Yasha’s shoulders. Guilt washes through her again but it doesn’t feel like the right time to say anything. Yasha just tucks her head in closer against Beau, holding her so tight it’s almost painful and Beau returns the pressure as much as she can. Waiting for Yasha’s breathing to even out before she speaks.
Yasha surprises her though, “I’m so sorry, Beau, I don’t…” There’s a hitch that Beau physically feels, “I don’t know what to do here.”
Beau’s throat closes up and she nudges a kiss to the veins of Yasha’s wrist, “You don’t have to apologize. It’s okay.”
She feels Yasha start to shake her head and pushes forward, “Zuala and I might have an idea actually.”
Yasha freezes behind her and Beau carries on, “She’s fine, by the way. Jester’s giving her a pastry education or something.”
“What do you mean you have an idea?” Yasha’s voice trembles a little bit.
“Well,” Beau murmurs, “She kind of… brought up the option of- only if it’s something you want, obviously, but like. Maybe you could… Be with her and also be with me?”
She does not sound as confident in the idea as she feels. Yasha seems to sense her hesitation but misreads it.
“Is that… Do you… How do you feel about that?” Her voice is strangled and Beau’s pretty sure if they hold onto each other any tighter, bones are going to start breaking.
“I… If you want that, if you’re okay with that, I… I’ll take anything I can get. I think Zuala feels the same way.” Beau’s crying again, stupid hot tears down the side of her face, over the bridge of her nose and onto the pillow beneath and it’s probably better that they’re not looking at each other.
There’s a sob from behind her, audible this time, and Yasha shudders, “I wanted to come talk to you so bad, but I know you like to process things and it seemed like you were avoiding me, or didn’t want to talk to me and I didn’t want to force you to-” It spills out like a waterfall and Beau’s guilt grows.
“No, I… shit, I guess I was avoiding you. Not because I was upset at you or anything like that, I just. I thought I knew the conversation that was coming and I wanted to save us both the pain. Pretty stupid now that we’re both lying in a bed crying about it now though, huh?” She laughs wetly but Yasha doesn’t.
She sucks in a sharp breath, “Beau, I have no idea what I was going to say but it was never going to be-”
“Well, can you blame me for assuming?” It comes out harsher than she intends, the pent-up tension from the last couple of weeks spilling over.
Yasha’s quiet for a few moments, thumb stroking gently over Beau’s knuckles and Beau’s about to apologize when Yasha speaks.
“I… I guess I just hoped you’d believe how much I love you.” Well, fuck does Beau want to kick herself now.
“I did. I do! I just… old issues.” It feels trite to blame her shitty communication on her daddy issues but…
“I should have thought. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize for… any of this. If anything, I should be saying sorry,” Beau mutters, chagrined by it all and desperate to be finished with all of this.
“No, no. No sorry needed, just. Weird times.”
Beau chuckles darkly, “I don’t know, we’ve had a lot of weird times.”
Yasha huffs a laugh, finally, “That’s very true. At least we’re not dealing with the end of the world again.”
“Don’t jinx us. There’s still time.”
Yasha chuckles, the tension leaking out of her arms finally and she pushes her face into Beau’s neck, pressing a kiss where the filigree of her tattoo meets her hair line and dragging them up until she’s near Beau’s ear.
“I do though. Love you. So much.”
No matter how many times she’s heard them, those words still suck the air out of Beau’s lungs, just a little bit.
“I love you too.”
They fall into a lull, pressed together and warm under the blanket, reveling in the closeness they’ve denied themselves for the past couple of weeks. Beau’s fingers trace deftly over the slightly raised, green lines of Yasha’s tattoo, up her arm, as far as she can reach and when she can’t go any further, she finally flips over.
Yasha’s watching her already when she finishes following the lines of ink and she smiles down at Beau. Beau could swear her insides just melted.
“Hi.”
“Hey, you.”
“Can I…” Beau stumbles because even though they’ve been together for months , the last two weeks have been a doozy, “Can I kiss you?”
“You know you don’t have to ask,” Yasha murmurs, already leaning in.
“I just… wanted to check.” Beau’s tongue feels too big for her mouth as she tries to explain but Yasha keeps coming.
“Silly.” And then their lips are together again and sweet Ioun, she’s missed this. Yasha’s fingers deftly tug the ribbon out of Beau’s bun. She tangles her hand into the back of Beau’s hair, the way she knows Beau likes and the other loops low around her waist.
Beau sighs into Yasha’s mouth as Yasha pushes her over onto her back, both hands coming to catch pale cheeks. It’s ascendant, being so close to her again. Their legs slot together and Yasha uses the elbow of the hand in her hair to prop herself up.
With a gentle gasp, Beau pulls back, a groan of appreciation tumbling out of her mouth when Yasha’s lips don’t leave her skin. They trip across her cheek, down her neck. Beau’s chest heaves as Yasha nips the underside of her jaw one last time before pulling back.
“I really missed you.”
It’s extremely gratifying to see Yasha’s breath as short as her own, the pink blush that spreads from her chest up into her cheeks.
“I missed you too.”
One of Yasha’s hands is still tangled in Beau’s hair, the other resting flat and wide against the skin of her side. It’s so good and she doesn’t want to ruin the mood but there’s a little something nudging at the back of her head that won’t let go.
Beau reaches up to tuck a braid behind Yasha’s ear, “I never really got a bead on what you were feeling for all of this… Zuala and you and me stuff.”
Yasha sighs and closes her eyes for a moment, “It feels selfish of me to ask this of you.”
“You’re not asking. We literally suggested it. Well, she did but I agree one hundred percent.”
“It doesn’t feel like… fair? It feels like I am… taking advantage or-”
“No. No, never. We… I mean I can’t speak for her but I’m pretty sure she feels the same way so I’m gonna keep using we. We love you. We love you so much and I know I would much rather have any time with you that you want to spend with me than… You know, not.”
Yasha’s eyes roam her face, obviously looking for any hint of a lie. She doesn’t find one.
“We can lay down like… ground rules or something? If that would make things easier. I don’t really know what kind of rules would even be applicable here.”
“We can figure it out together. All of us,” Yasha’s still propped above her, and Beau can’t stop herself from running her fingers across Yasha’s cheeks again. Yasha leans into it, kisses Beau’s palm.
“Are you sure you’re-”
“Yasha, when have I ever agreed to anything that I even mildly didn’t want to do? Ever?”
Yasha drops her face down to where Beau’s shoulder meets her neck, “I… the only time I can think of was-”
Beau’s stomach sinks, “Kamordah… yeah, okay, bad example but. That was a very specific circumstance and not at all anything to do with any of this.”
“You promise?” Yasha props her chin on Beau’s chest.
“I swear. The option to kiss you is vastly different from having to speak with my father to break a curse on our not-a-goblin friend.”
That breaks the shadow that has fallen across Yasha’s face and she laughs, “I should hope so.”
Beau tips Yasha’s head up until they’re breathing the same air, and mutters “If you’re happy, I’m happy,” before smudging her lips up against Yasha’s again.
She would be perfectly content to lay in bed and make out with her girlfriend and let hands roam and make up for lost time until someone or something interrupts. Unfortunately, the thing that interrupts ends up being her own stomach, growling loudly. Yasha laughs into her mouth, a bright happy sound that sends warmth zipping to the tips of Beau’s toes.
“Sorry,” She chuckles, nudging her nose up under Yasha’s chin and lining her throat with kisses.
“We can come back to this. You missed dinner.” Yasha runs her hand down Beau’s side again, seemingly unable to stop touching Beau. Beau knows the feeling and drags her fingertips across Yasha’s collarbone.
“I think Caleb told the cats to stop bringing food and drinks to my room to try to smoke me out,” She’s a little embarrassed about it and Yasha hums sadly into her collarbone.
“I’m sor-”
“Nope. Can we be done with apologies? We were both… wrong and it’s okay now. Okay?”
Yasha kisses her again, almost demure, compared to what they’d been doing earlier, “Okay.”
Beau tilts her head to deepen the kiss but her stomach rumbles again and Yasha honest to the Gods giggles .
“Come on,” She smiles down at Beau and rolls off her to stand from the bed, “I wouldn’t mind a snack and if Jester has the cats making donuts…” She holds out a hand, which Beau takes and hoists her off the bed.
They make their way out of Yasha’s room and are headed for the iris, hands still linked, when Yasha stops. Beau looks back and – oh. Her very obviously packed bag is still leaning against the wall next to the door. Yasha turns to Beau, a look of hurt confusion on her face.
“I… It was just a short mission for Dairon and… I was going to tell you, but then Zuala was at the door and-” She drops her face into her free hand, scrubbing her eyes.
“You wanted to leave?”
Beau feels her throat constrict and closes the distance between them, “I… I didn’t want to but I thought if I gave you two space to get things back in order and I had space to just like… accept it or whatever, things would be easier when I came back.” It’s the truth but it sounds like a lie.
“Beau…” Yasha tugs in, releasing Beau’s hand to wrap her arms around Beau’s waist as they totter back into the iris, “I’m s- I hate that you felt like you had to leave us to-”
“No, no. It’s. It’s fine.”
“It’s not fine.”
“I mean it’s not fine fine. But it ended up okay.”
“That doesn’t make the thought process that got you there any better.”
Beau huffs and drops her forehead to Yasha’s chest as they slowly descend toward the kitchen, “I know. I just… can we raincheck this talk? I swear we’ll have it, I’m just…”
Yasha sighs, “Yeah, okay.”
They lapse into a mildly uncomfortable silence until their feet touch the ground near the kitchen. Beau presses a kiss to Yasha’s shoulder and slowly starts to work her way out of Yasha’s arms until Yasha tightens her grip. Beau looks up and finds Yasha’s throat bobbing hard.
“You… You promise you were coming to tell me?” Beau’s chest aches with guilt as a tear slips out past Yasha’s eyelashes and she reaches up to catch it.
“I swear. I will never leave without telling you.” Yasha’s face turns into Beau’s palm and she breathes deeply.
“Okay. Thank you.” Yasha leans down and presses a kiss to the side of Beau’s head before dropping her arms and taking Beau’s hand again, “Come on, let’s feed you before your stomach takes on a mind of its own.”
Beau smiles and skips the couple of steps it takes to keep up with Yasha.
There’s babble in the kitchen and when they push open the door, at least ten cats are busy, mixing batter or sprinkling sugar on various foods. At the center island, Zuala is propped up in one of the high backed stools, Beau’s staff leaned against the counter to her right. Jester is sitting on the island itself, legs crossed, surrounded by every pastry of every color imaginable. Fjord stands behind her, chin propped on her shoulder as she explains.
“Okay but these are called strudel. They like really flakey and good and have fruit inside. I think this one’s guava. Caduceus loves-” Jester looks up as they enter, “Oh, hey you two.”
Jester’s eyes flick down to their entangled hands and she beams brighter.
“Hey, Jes, can you send any more messages today?” Beau asks with forced nonchalance that Jester barely has the decorum with which to reply.
“Yeah, Beau, what do you need?”
“I… Can you just tell Dairon that I’m not going to be able to take that mission they offered me?”
Jester’s eyebrows scrunch in confusion, “Mission?”
“It’s nothing, really. They just needed me to let them know.” Not strictly true, Dairon probably won’t be terribly happy with Beau for dropping the mission, but there are other young expositors to take it over.
“Sure. Fjord, count for me?”
Beau tunes out Jester’s message to Dairon and instead turns to Zuala, who is smirking at the both of them. Yasha’s cheeks are pink and she seemed to be trapped between both of them. Zuala looks to Beau.
“We all on the same page?”
“Yeah.” Beau’s chest swells as the blush on Yasha’s cheeks gets brighter.
“You too?” Zuala asks Yasha, using her free hand to tug Yasha in close, suspended between holding each of them.
“Yes,” She whispers, eyes darting between Zuala and Beau in ill-disguised awe. She opens her mouth to say more when Jester pops her head into their midst.
“I talked to Dairon, Beau.”
“Nice, thanks, Jes. What’d they say?”
“They pretended to sound mad but then they said to tell you ‘thank goodness you got your head out of your own ass’”
“They did not!” Beau’s cheeks burn and Jester cackles.
“Yep!” Jester slides backwards off the counter, ostensibly into Fjord’s arms. He’s ready for her though and catches her around the waist with ease, catching Beau’s eye and rolling his fondly. Jester smiles back at him and pats his chest in thanks before scooping up an apple fritter and pressing it into Beau’s hand.
“You need something to eat.”
“Will all of you stop trying to feed me?” Beau mumbles, even though she’s already stuffing the donut in her mouth.
“Well, if you’d joined us for dinner…” Fjord pipes up.
Beau rolls her eyes and detangles her hand from Yasha’s to fake a jab in his direction, “Just keep trying it, Cap’n.”
Yasha reaches past Zuala’s shoulder for something that looks like a cinnamon roll. Zuala chases her cheek as she backs up, managing to get in a quick kiss at the corner of her mouth that turns Yasha’s cheeks pink again. Beau smirks at Zuala and then loops around to kiss the other side of Yasha’s face.
She blushes even deeper and Jester giggles, “Ooh, Yasha, what a pretty color on you.”
For his part, Fjord hides his mild confusion pretty well, seeing that the rest of them are happy. He raises a questioning eyebrow in Jester’s direction but she just squeezes his hand.
Beau’s chest feels lighter than it has in weeks and she leans into Yasha’s side easily when she reaches for her.
“Hey, Mitzy, you got any more of those donut holes with bugs in them?”