Work Text:
Rem
It wasn’t unusual for Subaru to reach out to her. It wasn’t unusual for either of them to give each other a casual touch. Holding hands, hugging, touching foreheads; they had essentially given each other full permission to reach out when they needed comfort.
That being said, she was always a little concerned about Subaru, specifically. There were times when he just looked… off , when he would reach out to her without a word and hide his face in her sleeve or her shoulder or whatever he could find so she wouldn’t see the expression he was making. She let him cry on her shoulder, of course, and then she helped him to his feet and they went back to their chores with a lighter heart.
Still, she knew he could never fully explain his troubles to her. She really wished he could. As far as she was concerned, until he could tell her everything, they would never be truly equal, but that was not Subaru’s fault.
So, when he came up to her from behind and locked his shaking arms around her waist, she just put her hands on his and pretended she couldn’t hear him sobbing.
We’ll talk about this later , she told herself, reaching over her shoulder to ruffle Subaru’s hair.
He seemed to calm down a bit.
_______
Otto
There were times when Otto sort of regretted loudly proclaiming himself to be Subaru’s friend. Well, not really: it was more like regretting being associated with Subaru in any way, shape or form.
That wasn’t true either. To put it simply, Otto had no clue whatsoever how he felt about Natsuki Subaru most of the time. He could easily explain that away as Subaru’s mercurial demeanour getting in the way of forming a stable opinion of him, but there always seemed to be something else.
Fond exasperation. Maybe that was the right term. He cared about Subaru too much to be entirely unaffected by his near suicidal tendencies, that was it. He felt compelled to keep an eye on him, for no reason other than because he was his friend. Yes, exasperation was indeed what he felt most of the time.
Like, for example, when Subaru took an absolutely ridiculous gamble on his life by going in for a very close attack towards a guy with a knife longer than his arm, and Otto’s heart ground to a halt in his chest.
Subaru won , too, the bastard, and acted like he hadn’t just taken one of the dumbest actions of his entire, very eventful life. Otto had no words. Confronted with that careless smile and the blood flowing from Subaru’s cheek, he had nothing except a smack across the face to give him.
With both of his cheeks now equally red, Subaru was indignated to say the least.
And yet he didn’t protest when Otto tackled him in a hug. He laughed, and he teased him for the rest of the week, but he didn’t protest.
That was more than enough.
______
Beatrice
Frankly, if anyone but the Gospel had told Beatrice that, in the span of a year, she would end up being the contract spirit of an incredibly rude but good-natured teenage foreigner who seemed to have years of war and strife behind his chipper eyes, she might have laughed for the first time in four hundred years.
Well, she had been wrong before.
Every day, she regretted not trusting Subaru sooner. He held her hand through the days of that strange anxiety she couldn’t help but feel, being surrounded by so many people for the first time in centuries. He ruffled her hair and she smacked his arm away, and he laughed it off even if she hit him hard enough to hurt him.
But sometimes, he was the one who needed her to hold his hand, and that was alright by her. Not that she would admit it, but, when his strange eyes filled up with a sorrow he could never seem to explain, or fear of something that wasn’t there, it was her very first instinct to reach for his hand and make him feel better. Because seeing him in pain just hurt.
Sometimes, he looked bright and chipper as usual, he walked in and he lifted her up by the waist, all smiles and nicknames, and that was when she knew it wasn’t a good time to smack him away. She protested, and waved her arms and kicked her legs out, but she made no real attempt to get him to let go like she would have otherwise.
And, when he put her down, the first thing she did would be to reach for his hand.
_______
Julius
Knighthood was no joke, as they had established with… some tension along the way, to put it mildly.
Still, if anything, their little spat had thoroughly convinced Subaru that Julius was more than a face in a crowd of white knights. Someone to have a little respect for, at least, even though he’d never said it. Someone he could ask to train with.
Julius had taken the proposal with a certain reluctance, given the immense amount of embarrassment that boiled up in his stomach at the mere mention of a fight between them, even if it was just sparring. Wooden swords or not, they had the potential to seriously hurt someone and they both knew it.
But he couldn’t exactly turn Subaru down, either. It would be extremely unbecoming on his part.
He was feeling just a little nervous as he easily parried Subaru’s first attacks, nervous enough that he didn’t even notice he was playing defensive the entire time. Oh, but Subaru noticed. And took offense to it, apparently, since he immediately proceeded to goad him into attacking and, surprisingly, dodged the attack when he actually found it in himself to strike back.
It made Julius feel a bit more at ease, in all honesty. Enough to forget his concerns and start fighting him, if not at his own level, at least at Subaru’s. Enough that he made a mistake.
When Subaru went for a feint at the level of his stomach, only to aim for his leg instead, Julius panicked for just a moment at how close he got to actually striking him. Just a moment, but it was enough.
He swung at the level of Subaru’s gut and the sword found no resistance as he jumped back to avoid it.
He hadn’t hit him, but Subaru stumbled and fell anyway.
When Julius knelt before him and asked if he was alright, that was the exact moment he remembered that Subaru had met the Bowel Hunter. That was also the moment Subaru shoved him away in a fit of fearful anger.
He let himself fall. It was the least he deserved. He definitely did not deserve to grab Subaru by the shoulder when he got back up, nor did he deserve Subaru tackling his midsection in an almost violent embrace that punched the air out of his lungs.
It was an embrace, though, he was sure, because he stayed there until his hands stopped shaking.
If he noticed Julius’s hand on his back, he didn’t mention it.
______
Ram
Ram got angrier every time Subaru presumed to call her any variation of sister . She didn’t know why, exactly, it just left a bad taste in her mouth.
The word that came to mind, instinctively, when he referred to her as his sister, was: usurper. Why, she had no idea. It may have had something to do with the blue-haired girl he swore was her real sister. Regardless, she didn’t like it.
Still, there were things about Subaru she didn’t hate. She didn’t hate how hard-working he was, for example. She didn’t hate how curious and interested he always seemed to be in everything going on around him. She didn’t hate how candidly he loved people, how freely he loved those around him, how he loved her , even, in a weird, uninterested way.
When, one morning, he burst into the hallway she was cleaning and fell to his knees in front of her, she felt strangely compelled to console him. Maybe whatever made her stop when he grabbed the edge of her sleeve was the same thing that made her reach out to touch his shoulder, briefly, so quickly he would probably think he’d imagined it.
Maybe that’s why she felt a twinge of relief when he finally got up and went back to work with a smile.
_________
Reinhard
Reinhard was somewhat similar to a magnet, he thought. When he arrived on a scene, people either threw themselves at him, or ran away. Subaru definitely belonged in the former category, but not in the same way as others. He didn’t jump at him for safety or to attack him, he just sort of… did. When Reinhard apologised for taking so long to arrive, he scolded him, but never seemed too surprised or even upset that he was so late.
With one exception.
There was one time, only one, where he saw pure, genuine fear on Subaru’s face. It was odd, actually, because he’d seen him less afraid in much worse situations, and yet there he was, shaking like a leaf, caught between a thug’s knife and the wall. He was still shaking when the man caught sight of Reinhard and ran away as fast as his legs would allow.
Subaru let himself fall against the wall with a sigh that was probably the first breath he’d taken in a good minute or so.
“Subaru, are you alr-”
He didn’t have time to finish that thought. His friend basically lunged at him, locking his arms around his waist, and looked him in the eyes with the face of someone who had felt Death’s breath on his neck.
“Reinhard.” he said, flatly, “I think I love you.”
He laughed off what was probably Subaru’s way of complimenting him and expressing his relief, but that look he’d seen in his eyes was frightening to say the least.
Maybe that was why he returned the hug.
Maybe that was why he held it just a little too long.
______
Petra
Petra liked the colour yellow. That was not a shock for anyone. She also liked red, and blue, and green, and purple, and pink. So, all in all, flowers were a good fit for her. They made her feel better, somehow, flowers and gifts and pretty things and sweets.
She kept her hands behind her back as she made her way through the garden, all the way to the other side, where Subaru sat under a tree, with an open book on his knees that he likely hadn’t read a word of. That wasn’t his fault, though. He’d been acting strange all day, avoiding company, flinching at loud noises, easily distracted or lost in thought. It was clear to her that something was wrong with Subaru.
So she resolved to make him feel better.
Subaru offered her a chipper, but tired smile and a wave when she approached. In return, she offered him wildflowers. Yellow, mostly, with lots of dandelions and buttercups, but there were violets and forget-me-nots and daisies and bluebells, a little rainbow that exploded from her hands.
In that little bouquet, she put a wish.
Feel better!
Her wish came true. The haze behind Subaru’s eyes vanished and he laughed his heart out.
He ruffled her hair and shared the bouquet with her, and they both returned with flowers in their hair.
______
Felix
Felix, as a general rule, wasn’t opposed to hugs. Actually, he was the instigator for most of the hugs he shared. He offered hugs to his friends when they were upset, and sometimes they took him up on it.
Subaru didn't, usually. It was embarrassing , he protested, and pulled away from Felix with almost childish discontent. It was nothing unusual, honestly. Felix was well aware that not everyone was as big on physical contact as he was. That being said, if there was anyone who looked like he needed a hug sometimes, it was Subaru, and the fact that he refused the offer when it came from Felix, specifically, was a little strange to him. But that was none of his business.
He continued to casually offer a hug anytime Subaru expressed even mild sadness, and Subaru continued to turn him down, and it became a sort of running gag between the two of them.
It was so intrinsic to them at a certain point that, the first time Subaru accepted, it took him completely by surprise.
He nestled under his friend's arm, running his hand up and down his back, and Subaru thanked him with the eyes of a tired soldier. That serious expression almost gave him shivers. Quickly, and without thinking, he reached for Subaru’s earlobe and tugged down.
Subaru wasted no time whining like a child about it, but at least a spark was back in his eyes.
That was good enough for him.
______
Emilia
Subaru hadn’t stuck with Emilia for more than a day or so in quite some time. That was what worried her. Anytime he clung to someone, it was wise to let him, she knew that much. As March turned to April, though, she was starting to get a little worried. Subaru had gone as far as to cancel some of his plans just to stay with her.
She looked at herself in the mirror. No, nothing was wrong with her . She didn't feel particularly bad, she wasn't hurt or upset or scared, so he wasn't clinging to her out of a need to support her. Which meant that he was the one who needed help.
She racked her brain to figure out what, exactly, had him so worried, but she couldn't figure it out and any attempt to ask him what it was had fallen through.
Subaru could be very difficult, sometimes.
With all those options excluded, there was only one thing she could think to do, based on the way he behaved with his friends.
She left the bathroom to find him waiting outside, as expected.
He must have seen something on her face. Something determined in her eyes, maybe.
"Emilia?" he called out, somewhere between amused and intimidated.
He didn’t have time to say anything else. Emilia closed the distance between them and threw her arms over his shoulders, pressing her face into the crook of his neck.
She felt his back go stiff under her hands.
"What- Emilia-tan, what's this about?" he laughed, but there was something like panic in his voice. He always seemed to get so nervous around her.
She reached up to run a hand through his hair.
"I just wanted to." she said.
What she meant was more like: I wanted to comfort you, I wanted to show you that I'm here even if I can't understand what's troubling you, I wanted to hold you and make sure you're okay.
But she just said that: "I just wanted to."
It was enough for Subaru. He locked his arms behind her back and leaned down a bit to set his head on her shoulder.
"Thank you." he murmured, and his voice cracked a little.
________
Subaru
The first of April. April Fools' Day. His birthday. Sometimes, when his depressive episodes were just starting to get out of hand, he'd said: "The universe thinks I'm a joke."
He didn’t remember who he'd said it to. One of his classmates, he guessed. One whose name and face he had completely forgotten, knowing them for so little time. They hadn’t answered, he remembered that much.
He still thought he was a joke, probably. He must have been. His existence was at least a little bit funny.
That wasn’t what was bothering him about his birthday that year, though. Aside from a couple of failed time loops, what really got to him was the sheer loneliness of spending his first birthday away from home.
He hadn’t admitted to anyone yet. Saying it made it real.
It was precisely because he hadn’t told anyone that he was surprised to find they had somehow figured it out anyway.
He found out when a surprising amount of people began to show up at the door. Townspeople, knights, maids, merchants and ladies.
Well, ladies meaning royal selection candidates, and not all of them, but enough to be weird. They brought gifts, too.
Subaru slipped outside the moment everyone got distracted, with at least a dozen presents in his arms.
"What the hell…?" he whispered to himself, listening to the rumble of people beyond the door. Who had told them? He didn’t recall telling them all about his birthday. Was it Emilia? Ram? Beatrice, Roswaal maybe?
Truth be told, as happy as he was to have so many people there, he was already feeling just a little bit overwhelmed.
He was about to retire to a room where they couldn't find him when-
"Subaru?"
He cursed his poor stealth skills, turning back to find Emilia in what was possibly the cutest dress he'd ever seen, staring at him with a concerned smile on her face.
"Emilia-tan!" he exclaimed, gesturing wildly in her direction, "Am I in heaven? I think I'm seeing angels!!"
"This again, Subaru?"
"Sorry."
She sighed fondly: "I don't mind compliments, but when you say things like that, you're usually trying to distract me. What's wrong?"
"Nothing!" he laughed, "Nothing is wrong! I just… uh… well, I'm…"
Overwhelmed.
"...surprised, that's all. I wish someone had told me all these people were coming. I would've dressed up nicer, at least."
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I thought you liked surprises. You told me about surprise parties and I thought…"
She trailed off.
He couldn’t help but smile.
"No, it worked. I was very surprised. Thank you, Emilia-tan."
She seemed to brighten up a little but, just then, someone struggled to push the front door open.
"Hey! What's taking so long?" Beatrice pouted.
Petra poked her head over her shoulder: "Subaru, are you coming? Everyone's wondering where you are."
"Only Barusu is hopeless enough to be late to his own birthday party."
"Don't rush him too much, he's nyot ready for our surprises."
"But we have a schedule." Otto mumbled.
Subaru blinked: "A schedule?"
"Yes." nodded Emilia, almost solemnly, "We have another surprise. Is… is that okay? Felix had a suggestion."
"Oh, I don't trust that."
" That? I have a name, Subaru-kyun."
There was no way out, was there? Subaru sighed.
"Fine, fine!" he raised his arms to the sky, "What's the surprise?"
Something bumped into his back.
Patrasche.
She snuggled under his arm, craning her neck in something like a ground dragon’s version of a hug.
He didn’t have time to process that before someone else joined in on the other side.
Emilia.
And then Beatrice reached for his hand, and Petra latched onto the back of his shirt, and before he knew it, a dozen people at least surrounded him, locked in a big, collective hug.
And what reaction could he have?
What reaction, but a whole-hearted laugh?
He closed his arm, holding those closest to him even closer, and imagined his father and mother among the crowd. It wasn’t hard. Their smiling faces were burned into his mind.
Emilia turned her head to the side a little to face him: "Do you like the surprise?"
It was so goofy, and awkward, and it was exactly like something he would do. That whole situation spoke to him in a very strange way.
He smiled at her: "I love the surprise."
He glanced around and added: "Don't tell Felix."
"Mh, if you say so." she said, attempting to shrug without success.
They went inside only minutes later. Subaru felt… recharged . That was the best word for it. He spent the night waltzing from one person to the next, juggling conversations with his own weird, unique charm, collecting presents ranging from flowers, to food, to clothes and weapons, dancing with anyone who asked.
The party dragged on until everyone was too tired to dance.
Later that night, Subaru laughed until he cried and cried until he laughed. He dreamed of his father's exuberant good mornings , and his mother's strange taste in food, and his friends's arms around him. He dreamed of good things and, for once, he woke up with a smile the next day.
Maybe they did have a point.
There was nothing like a surprise.