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“Well done.”
Kakashi wonders what the penalty would be if he were to flip his middle finger at the Sage of Six Paths. After what felt like a year of fighting crammed into an intense few hours, Team 7 were all barely conscious, fresh from victory.
Kakashi doesn’t think he could move if Kaguya were to magically re-appear with a proclamation that she wanted round two. Kakashi was tapped out. Limp. Used and discarded.
“Thanks, jiji!” That is Naruto’s voice, hoarse but gleeful.
The blonde is on his ass, hands hanging over his knees as he tiredly grins at the Sage. Sakura is leaning against his back, slumped with exhaustion. Sasuke is barely on his feet but Kakashi really thinks he should take a knee. His legs are shaking so bad he looks like a newborn kitten.
They are in a light dome created by the Sage, on their way back to what is left of the battlefield. Kakashi isn’t really sure he has the mental capacity to think on what comes next.
“I would like to express my gratitude.”
Kakashi’s ears perk up, head titling over to the Sage with confusion. He looks nothing like the All Mighty God that Kakashi viewed him and Kaguya as just hours prior, now just a weary old man as he floats above Naruto. There is a sad, wistful furrow in his brow, but his small smile is sincere.
Naruto waves his hand away. “Jiji, it’s not like we did it for a reward, ‘ttebayo! We’d be dead otherwise!”
The small smile grows larger, a bit fonder as Naruto grins at the Sage sunnily. Sasuke finally loses the battle with his legs but Naruto is astute enough to pull Sasuke down beside him so it can give Sasuke face. The Uchiha grunts, head turned away.
The Sage shakes his head. “Allow me, young Naruto. For my own selfish appeasement.”
Naruto’s face crumples, hesitance and indecision written all over it.
“Just accept the gift,” Sakura complains behind him. “You might as well complete your ascension to godhood anyway, idiot.”
“Sakura-chan!”
Kakashi almost finds himself nodding. Naruto pretty much is a deity at this point. Kakashi blinks with his left eye. He can’t believe his student fucking created a new eye out of nothing. How is this his life?
“It is not just a gift for young Naruto,” the Sage intercepts. “I would like to reward all of you.”
“Save it,” Sasuke snaps, the first words he has said in a long time. “Unless you’re going to bring my brother back to life, I want nothing to do with you.”
“Oi, teme!”
Kakashi winces in sympathy. He doesn’t want to admit it to Naruto, but he’s kind of on Sasuke’s side. It seems a bit crass to offer a reward when all of them have lost so much during this war. What could appease the wounds they’ve garnered fighting a war that was in the making centuries before their time?
The Sage is quiet for a moment. “I can.”
There is a pin-drop silence.
Huh?
“What?” his three cute little students yell at the same time. Kakashi yells right along with them in his mind.
“That’s impossible!” Sakura says, the first to break out of her stupor. She faces the Sage, tired green eyes alight with frustration. “You can’t bring the dead back to life.”
Naruto scratches his chin. “I mean, I was hanging out with Itachi-san and my dad just a while ago…”
Sakura’s eyes snap to him and Naruto eeps.
“’Tis the same principle, young Naruto,” the Sage interjects. “I cannot bend the laws of nature on my own whim, but there already exists those who have done it for me. I can simply lend my chakra to make what was temporary, permanent.”
“Don’t lie – don’t joke - ” Sasuke’s voice cuts off, raw emotion coating his words.
Kakashi closes his eyes, unused to see Sasuke so vulnerable. In his mind’s eye he can see Naruto wrap an arm around Sasuke, see Sasuke slap it away, but not pull away from Naruto’s side. Sakura is hovering, not sure if she wants to touch and if her touch will be welcome.
In the meantime, the Sage waits, patiently.
“Come on, teme,” Naruto coaxes. “You saw what jiji gave us. He can probably make it come true.”
The Sage coughs over the ‘probably’.
“He’ll definitely make it come true,” Naruto fixes, bright smile excited. Kakashi makes the mistake of opening his eyes at that juncture, his own eyes nearly blinded by the ridiculous golden halo around Naruto.
Sasuke is quiet and angry. But apparently he has changed from five years ago because he grunts and nods. “Bring him back.” He says it almost like a challenge. Petulant brat.
Kakashi probably should open his mouth. Express this is a really, really bad idea. Itachi is to Sasuke what Obito is to Kakashi. Fond memories and horrific trauma all wrapped into one. From what he understood from Sasuke, Itachi had even pulled a Rin and decided to use Sasuke in a glorified act of suicide.
But.
Kakashi isn’t going to open his mouth and ruin the longing in Sasuke’s eyes.
The Sage nods. “How about you, young Naruto?”
Naruto rubs the back of his head, sheepish. “I dunno. Maybe infinite ramen?”
The Sage knows better than to show his confusion. Kakashi thinks he is a smart man. Politely, the Sage ignores the statement and asks, “Would you like me to perform the same jutsu on your father?”
Naruto’s hand drops. For once, he’s speechless.
Kakashi’s heart twists wretchedly in his chest.
“I – I – YES!” Naruto yells, tears in his eyes. He wipes them hurriedly. “I mean, only if – only if dad wants to.”
Kakashi struggles not to break down into a weeping mess. His eyes meet Sakura’s accidentally, and he hopes he can pass his last two functional brain cells on to her.
“Can you bring everyone back that died during the war?” Sakura demands. Smart girl. She is Kakashi’s favorite.
The Sage shakes his head solemnly. “That defies too much of the natural laws. I can allow souls to remain attached to this mortal plain for longer, as is the case with Edo Tensei, but I cannot bring the dead back to life.”
“Fine, how about healing?” she presses, just edging the border of being rude. She’s had her hand in Naruto’s chest, pumping his heart to keep him alive, she probably really has no more fucks to give.
“I simply do not have the control,” the Sage answers back. Kakashi grins smugly when he senses the tiny pinprick of nervousness.
Sakura nods, face contemplative. Then, “Can you give me as strong of a chakra boost as your mother?”
The Sage nearly falls off his pedestal. Naruto and Sasuke look to Sakura in horror.
“Your body would explode,” the Sage answers, regaining composure. He is looking at her in a new light, Kakashi notices happily.
“Tch.” Sakura pouts. Kakashi wants to pat her head in condolence. Honestly, Kakashi could see the merits of Sakura getting a power boost. Someone needs to keep the fucking Sun and Moon reincarnates from killing each other or the world. Because this is his life.
Perhaps the Sage realizes this. His face takes on a contemplative mask. “However,” the Sage says haltingly, “I can modify your seal and store your chakra to it’s maximum ability. It would be akin to the Jyuubi.”
Sakura breaks out into a maniacal grin. Naruto whimpers. Sasuke edges away. Kakashi mentally cheers.
They all watch as the diamond on Sakura’s forehead grows, spanning around her forehead in a mock diadem. It’s beautiful. It’s deadly.
“Woah,” Sakura breathes. “Is this how you two feel all the time?”
“Umm, Sakura-chan,” Naruto nervously laughs, “maybe all the power – you know, what Tsunade-baachan says, ummm, what was it, absolutely power corrupts, or don’t get a big head and lose sight of the ground or fuck -”
“Absolute power corrupts absolutely,” Sasuke corrects, before he freezes.
“Oh, that’s rich, coming from you,” Sakura says, green aura lighting around her like a blazing fire. “Both of you shut up and come here.”
Wisely, they obey, sitting in a straight seiza in front of Sakura. Even Sasuke can sense the radiating killing intent, choosing to keep his head bowed instinctively to spare him Sakura’s wrath. Smart boy, perhaps he can be redeemed. Kakashi’s eyes crinkle into a smile as his students heal each other, Sakura taking on the position of the alpha.
“You’re next!” Sakura shouts over to Kakashi.
Ah.
Naruto, eager for another person to be suffering, says, “Jiji, don’t forget Kakashi-sensei! Kaka-sensei, what do you want? Do you want Obito back?”
Kakashi flinches. “No, thanks.” His voice is ragged and raspy. He really needs water.
The Sage looks over at him, pity in his eye. It figures that the god-like being can probably take one look at Kakashi and know everything about him.
“What, why?” Naruto asks in confusion, a bit of heartbreak in his voice. A few hours fighting beside Obito and they’re already best friends, for fucks sake.
“I’d kill him within the first hour,” Kakashi says, resolute. “I am going to need some time to process that my former teammate who I unintentionally idolized to the point of character upheaval due to a deep sated guilt complex and trauma, turned into a brainwashed megalomaniac mass murderer that killed your parents, killed the Uchiha, and started the Fourth Shinobi war.”
Silence.
Then, Sakura whistles. “And here I thought I was going to have to toss you over my shoulder to take you to therapy.”
Kakashi tries to wave his fingers. “Self-awareness of your own limitations is an important part of being a shinobi,” Kakashi says. He thinks that might be like the third lesson he’s ever given his little students. Oh, there is his guilt complex again.
Naruto weakly says, “At least he helped us at the end?”
Kakashi slowly gets up from his sprawl on the ground, so he’s at least sitting up properly. “That barely scratches the surface of atonement, Naruto.” He looks over at Sasuke to make sure Sasuke understands what he means.
Sasuke breaks eye contact but there is a furrow in his brow which means he’s at least thinking about it.
Naruto looks ready to protest, but a rap from Sakura’s knuckles and he wisely shuts up.
“What else can I offer you, young man?”
Young man. Kakashi can’t remember a time where he felt young.
Kakashi rubs a hand across his eyes. “Can you save Maito Gai?” Kakashi asks softly.
“Do not waste your wish, boy,” the Sage remarks. Kakashi fights not to jump when the Sage’s staff hits his head in reprimand. “Your student there is more than capable of reversing the damage.”
Sakura preens, eyes filled with a beautiful, excited hope. Sakura really is too good for this war. The entire time she focused on healing and saving, having to sacrifice that because her power was needed. With her new boost, Kakashi has no doubt she will easily surpass any medical ninja in history. Fuck, she’ll probably surpass any ninja.
Naruto and Sasuke leap to their feet as Sakura taps their back, done healing. She travels over to Kakashi and starts healing him and Kakashi relaxes into the soothing feeling over her chakra, more potent than ever.
Kakashi’s mind runs over what he can ask for. There is a lot and nothing at the same time.
Just when he’s about to ask from something simple, like a new storage scroll, Obito’s words flash through his mind.
Rokudaime Hokage.
Yeah. No.
“Can you also keep the Shodaime and the Nidaime alive?” Kakashi asks the Sage.
“Ohh, Kakashi-sensei, why do you want them here?” Naruto asks, bouncing up and down on his feet to test his body. He stops at Kakashi’s words, looking at him in confusion.
“To mentor you,” Kakashi lies smoothly. “Tsunade would like to retire, and if we’re going to make you Rokudaime, you’re going to need some help. Minato-sensei was barely Hokage for a year, he won’t know nearly as much as the First and Second. Particularly Lord Second.”
Naruto squints his eyes at Kakashi suspiciously. “I thought you were going to be Rokudaime.”
Kakashi winces. “No. That is definitely not going to be a thing that happens.”
Sasuke snorts. “You might as well. A Sharingan should see the Hokage seat, even if it’s not Uchiha blood.”
No one mentions Danzo.
Kakashi waves his hand. “Why don’t you become Hokage then?”
Which would be an awful idea, but that’s not the point. He nearly suggests Itachi, but then thinks better of it. What is with the Uchiha and extreme measures? He should aim for Sakura.
As if sensing his train of thought, Sakura none to gently pops Kakashi’s shoulder back into place. Fuck.
A freakish grin takes over Sasuke’s face as he stares at Naruto.
“Don’t you dare, teme - ”
“Hn, I’d make a better Hokage than you, dobe.”
In the midst of things, the Sage floats, forgotten. Kakashi politely gives him his attention.
“I can do the same for them as I will for Naruto’s father and Sasuke’s brother,” the Sage acknowledges. “Are you sure that is what you wish for?”
He looks pointedly at Kakashi’s eyes. Kakashi averts them like a shy maiden.
“Very sure.”
“Then so it shall be.”
Perhaps fed up with Naruto and Sasuke’s bickering, the Sage dissolves the light barrier and the next thing they know, they’re back on the battlefield.
There is thunderous cheering.
Naruto and Sasuke pause their fighting. Sakura hides her smile into Kakashi’s back. Kakashi hides his own into the fold of his knee.
“We did it!” Naruto yells on the top of his lungs.
Kakashi can feel the excitement to his very bones, the deep sated relief that the war was over, that they had won. There were cheers and laughter, tears and yelling. It was over.
-
“I would like to return to Mito-san,” Hashirama says, wistful, hand clapping Naruto’s shoulder. “You do not need me, Naruto-kun. In you, I see the dreams Madara and I shared. I see hope for shinobi and peace. I know you will achieve it.”
Naruto nods. “I’ll do it,” he resolves, tears in his eyes.
Hashirama ruffles Naruto’s blond locks fondly. “You’re an exemplary young man.” For a moment, everyone can see the pillar of strength that was the First Hokage, bathed in the dawn’s light as he passes the torch on.
Then he returns the silly buffoon everyone unfortunately has the misfortune of seeing. “Tsunade-chan, did you clear out my bank?”
“Oi! Jiji, I just sewed myself back together! Don’t hug me!”
Kakashi watches in amusement as the First and the Fifth bicker, eyes flitting to Lord Second.
“I’ll stay,” the Nidaime acquiesces. It seems like he and the First had already discussed their plan when Naruto first brought up what they wanted. “In return for aiding you in diplomatic lessons, I would like to learn the advanced shinobi arts you have created.”
Naruto grins, ear to ear. “Of course, ‘ttebayo! I’ll show you everything I know and maybe even dad can -” Naruto pauses, his joy tempered as he nervously looks at his father. “If dad wants to stay,” Naruto finishes, swallowing his vulnerability to project the image of a man. Kakashi is immensely proud of him.
Minato’s blue eyes are still ringed with black, but there is a tenderness there that Kakashi could not misplace. From the moment Naruto showed back up, Minato’s eyes had not left the boy, pride a palpable aura around him.
Minato walks forward and hugs Naruto. “Of course, I’ll stay, Naruto. All Kushina and I wanted was to be able to watch you grow up. I’m sorry I missed so much of that, but I’d like to be here for as long as I can be this time.”
Kakashi feels his own tears well in his eyes as Naruto starts crying, small hiccupping sobs he tries to muffle by burying his face in Minato’s shoulder.
Kakashi never thought he’d see the day that Minato would hold his son. But here he is. There is regret thick in the back of his throat, but Minato catches his eye and smiles, a simple and happy thing.
Finally, it is time to say goodbye. The First fondly hugs Tsunade and Tobirama and gives Naruto another pat on the head before he cheerfully dissolves. No one else had been brought back except the three Kages – Sasuke threatening to Amaterasu the Third if anyone thought of reviving him – and it leaves a handful of them left.
Sasuke had requested Itachi be brough back in private. Naruto succeeded in wheedling his way in to witness it and Sakura tagging along to make sure that the situation doesn’t dissolve into chaos. Kakashi waves them goodbye, eyeing Sakura to make sure everyone comes back with their limbs intact. Sakura cracks her knuckles in agreement.
“I’m retiring,” Tsunade announces loudly as the kids exit. Now in a circle stands the Godaime, Shizune, the Nidaime, the Yondaime, and Kakashi.
Kakashi tries to escape. Sakura had just finished healing Gai, but he’s still unconscious. Kakashi should look out for his friend and make sure he isn’t attacked or anything -
Tsunade grabs his collar. “Where do you think you’re going?”
Kakashi slumps. “Minato-sensei is back,” he says hopefully. What is regret in the face of survival? Minato-sensei will forgive him.
Minato comes over, ruffling Kakashi’s head. Kakashi swallows back tears. “A dead person can’t be Hokage, Kakashi-kun.”
Well, fuck.
“Tsunade-sama can change the rules,” Kakashi says, a voice a smidgen away from downright desperate.
Tsunade isn’t having any of it. “Change the rules yourself, brat. I’m done with this shit.”
Kakashi really might cry at this rate. “Nidaime-sama,” Kakashi all but begs, “your experience would be invaluable in this time of need and reconstruction. Won’t you take the seat?”
Fuck, Kakashi thinks Lord Second is actually smiling. “Even if a dead person could take the seat,” the Nidaime drawls, “I’m a nearly a hundred years out of information. It is unwise for me to take the mantle.”
Minato bounces up in down in a manner reminiscent of Kushina and Naruto. “We’ll help you, Kakashi!” Minato assures. “Just hold out for ten – maybe, twenty years, and then Naruto can take the seat!”
10? 20? So this is what being on the other end of a revenge ploy feels like.
“Can’t I officially have died in the war?” Kakashi begs Tsunade. “I can be your Jiraiya, your spy!”
Tsunade tosses Kakashi over to Shizune who hups him over her shoulder. “Let’s go, Rokudaime-sama.”
-
A year passes by in the blink of an eye. Kakashi has already worn a groove into the brand new seat of the Hokage chair in the shape of his ass. He wiggles in it now, to get some feeling back. Alas, all feeling had left hours ago, when Kakashi first awoke in the office – he hadn’t even gotten to go home - to a fresh new mound of paperwork.
“We’re kidnapping the Hokage!”
Kakashi could weep in relief. Easily, he surrenders into the hands of his assailants.
“Could you at least try to be more than a limp fish, sensei?” Sakura snaps.
Kakashi curls his arms around her shoulders. “My white knight,” he calls.
“I think he’s delirious,” Naruto says in concern, waving his hand in front of Kakashi’s eyes.
“Just dump him in the river, I’m sure he’ll be back to his senses,” Sasuke offers.
“You can’t do that, teme!” Naruto quips. “What if Kaka-sensei gets sick? He’s delicate!”
“You think just because you three have grown into little gods, that I am weak?” Kakashi says, unimpressed.
“Yes,” all three chime. Sakura even properly holds Kakashi in a princess carry.
“Kakashi-sensei would probably appreciate the sick days,” Sasuke sniffs.
Kakashi hums. “That’s not a bad idea - ”
“I know where you live,” Shikamaru says from where he had been buried under paperwork. Poor kid. Too smart for his own good. “Don’t think a common cold is going to let you escape. Fuck, don’t think your dead body will let you escape. I am sure I can replicate the Edo Tensei jutsu.”
Kakashi feels a shiver run down his spine. Thank the universe for Naruto.
“Shikamaru! Ino and Choji were looking for you. Want me to deliver you to them?” Naruto creates a second clone, slinging Shikamaru over his shoulder.
Shikamaru grunts. “Can’t you take me to my bed?”
“You need to socialize more,” Naruto tuts. “Just think of it as a favour from the future Hokage. No trouble at all!”
Shikamaru slumps in defeat. Kakashi has little sympathy. He’s already being carried to the window. The ANBU guard wave to his cute students. Traitors.
“Where are we going?” Kakashi asks, not making any effort to escape Sakura’s grip.
“Minato-san wanted to test out a new jutsu,” Sakura informs him. “I figured we all need a break so we’re going to test it out in a game of battle tag.”
“Battle tag,” Kakashi deadpans. “Between you three and two former Hokage?”
“And a present Hokage. I think Itachi-kun might also be around. So three Kages, us Sannin, and an SS-class nukenin.”
“Don’t worry, Kakashi-sensei!” Naruto yells, voice filled with excitement. “Tobi-sensei found an abandoned island for us to play on! I’ve already left a bunch of clones around the village to monitor things.”
“Finally learning to be responsible?” Sasuke snipes.
“I’m totally responsible, ‘ttebayo!” Naruto retorts, affronted.
Kakashi does not think skipping out of the village to play a game of tag when you are the literal government and army behind it is in any way responsible. But who is Kakashi to argue?
“Naruto!”
“Dad!”
Kakashi is finally put on the ground. Any shame he might have felt at being carried like a princess in front of his former sensei and idol is non-existent. Kakashi doesn’t feel much unless it’s the existential dread of paperwork or the sweet call of sleep.
And relief. Thank fuck Gai isn’t here.
“Kakashi-senpai,” Itachi greets. “How fortunate of you to make it. As we have an odd number, I am happy to be the judge of this excursion.” He is not too subtly trying to escape from Sasuke.
“I am literally the weakest person standing in this clearing, Itachi-chan,” Kakashi cheerfully says. “And I think I may have lost all feeling my wrists. I trust you will fulfill your duty to your Hokage?”
“You only say you’re Hokage when it benefits you,” Itachi grumbles under his breath.
“We didn’t bring you here to just watch, sensei!” Naruto protests from where he is hanging over his dad in a piggy back. “We modified the rules! It’s going to be a free-for all. Winner is the one to take the most bells.”
Kakashi looks to Minato in betrayal.
Minato at least has the respect to look contrite enough. “I never thought we’d be using it like this.”
“It’s a splendid activity that tests agility and concentration,” the Nidaime chimes in, an approving smile on his face.
And would you look at that. Minato’s blushing again.
Naruto gags, hurrying over to Sasuke and Sakura. Despite the fact that it’s been about four months now, Kakashi still can’t wrap his head around the fact that the Nidaime and the Yondaime are a thing.
“Kushina would ship it,” Minato had told Kakashi solemnly the night he broke the news. Kakashi had the dubious honor of being the first told. Heaven knows why. Kakashi’s Icha Icha collection is the only reference Kakashi has to interpersonal relationships beyond cordial coworker types. (Gai doesn’t count.)
“Right,” Kakashi had said, brain broken.
“Do you think Naruto would care?” Minato had fretted.
“I think he’d be happy to have another dad to add to his makeshift family, honestly.”
Truly the most bizarre family Kakashi had ever come across. But well, they fought a rabbit moon goddess that happened to be the mother of all chakra so two not-alive dads isn’t really too mind blowing.
“Stop flirting!” Naruto whines as any teenager would when witnessing displays of affection from parental figures. Kakashi had gotten the same lecture when Gai had burst into his office to demand a hand stand push up competition with stakes of important scrolls balanced on their feet.
Minato ducks his head down, abashed, but Tobirama meets Naruto’s stare head on. Then he curls an arm around Minato’s waist.
“Tobi-sensei!” Naruto whines, stamping his feet. “Stop hogging my dad!”
Like the mature adult he is, Tobirama grabs Minato and carries him in a familiar princess carry. In response, Naruto goes into his Kyuubi form.
“Guess we’re doing this,” Sakura says, knuckles cracking.
“What even are the rules?” Kakashi mutters under his breath, two fingers rubbing his forehead.
“Grab the bell,” Itachi says helpfully, holding out his own bell with hopeful eyes.
“Aniki!” Sasuke snaps, glaring at Itachi.
Itachi sighs. He doesn’t run away when Sasuke comes over and ties the bell on his waist. Ah, progress. Then Sasuke grabs Itachi’s wrist and starts off in the opposite direction Tobirama and Minato are facing.
Naruto stares between the two points, torn. Sakura pats his shoulder. “Go save your dad’s chastity,” she says uprighteously.
“Sakura-chan!” Minato squeaks.
“Right, you’ve already lost that,” Sakura acknowledges, nodding sadly.
Kakashi’s tries to bleach his brain. He does not need that mental imagery.
“Sakura! Is that true?” Naruto roars, eyes wide. He whips around to Minato.
Tobirama takes the opportunity to perform the Flying Thunder God technique. He vanishes in a blink of an eye. With a shout, Naruto takes off after him, Kurama laughing his balls off above him.
Sakura stares at Kakashi, the only one left on the clearing. Helpfully, Kakashi cocks his hip out, taking a page out of Itachi’s book.
Sakura taps her chin, thoughtfully. “If you get at least one bell, I’ll get you Shizune’s next transcript. She’s nearly done.”
Kakashi straightens up. “The next installment of the Yuki Yuki Falls?” Kakashi had been obsessing over the series, and Shizune had been so cruel, leaving off on a cliffhanger. Kakashi has waited weeks to know what became of Aki and Haru -
Sakura nods.
“Deal.”
He manages three.
One is from Naruto who had been so distracted by defending his father’s non-existent honor against Tobirama that he didn’t notice the wind blade Kakashi sent his way. Naruto’s upset wails had been muffled by Minato’s new jutsu. It just figures that Minato and Tobirama even have compatible nature affinities. With their combined genius they have some how managed to create a dome of chakra that produces it’s own maelstrom which they cruelly set on their son. Kakashi fled as fast as his little legs could carry him, mercilessly leaving Naruto behind.
The other bell was from Sasuke who fell for Kakashi’s clone henged as Itachi shirtless and training under a water fall. He’d even given Itachi’s lean torso some abs, letting the water trail down in drops to frame them. His long hair was plastered to his shoulder in pretty tendrils and Kakashi also gave him a dewy look to go with the red blush from the impact of the waterfall on his body. He’d actually been kinda proud at his creation and he’s certain he could send pictures to Shizune for inspiration for her next work.
Itachi Amaterasu’d the clone, unfortunately, but Sasuke’s dazed shock was enough for Kakashi to sweep in and grab his bell amidst the confusion. He even left behind a tissue for the sudden nosebleed Sasuke got.
Then Itachi bartered his bell for the promise Kakashi will never use such a jutsu again. Sasuke had harrumphed, stating he had his Sharingan out and recorded everything. Itachi had tried to jump into his own fire, but Sasuke grabbed him and threw him over his shoulder. Kakashi grabbed the forgotten bell while the siblings squabbled and wisely left.
And now he stands in front of Sakura.
She holds two bells out in front of her. “They were busy making out,” she explains simply. “That hurricane we saw earlier was from them, apparently.”
“Competency kink,” Kakashi mutters under his breath.
“It was kind of hot,” she offers.
Kakashi shudders.
Sakura comes for him with a battle cry, lightning coincidentally crackling behind her to give her figure a menacing aura, pink hair billowing in the wind. In his periphery, he sees Naruto and Sasuke, the former cheering wildly as he stirs up more wind to give Sakura’s long hair it’s due, and Sasuke who doesn’t cheer but does have a focused look as he makes the lightning sparkle in the most appealing way. Ah, his cute little supportive team.
Kakashi puts up as much of a fight as he can, but there isn’t much he can do when Sakura nearly splits the island in half.
“Well done,” he praises.
“Thanks, sensei!” Sakura chirps, affectionately patting Kakashi’s thigh from where she has slung Kakashi over her shoulder.
When they get back to where everyone else is, Naruto and Sasuke are both bickering on which was the stupider take down, Minato is sitting on Tobirama’s lap tracing jutsu seals into the palm of his hand, and Itachi is laying down, arms crossed over his chest, like the night creatures Kakashi has read about in Shizune’s other series – vampires?
The island is in ruins around them, the rumbling underfoot just the tell tale sign it might literally collapse on itself in a few moments. There are black forest fires behind them, torn down trees piled on top of each other, puddles the size of ponds all around them, and the scent of mud and moss fresh in the air. Kakashi really hopes they didn’t damage any ecology – they definitely did, the island is barely holding onto itself by the barest thread – or that the environmentalist groups don’t find out about this and decide to delegate to Council for two hours again.
But, reluctantly, Kakashi has to admit it had been fun.
“I want ramen!” Naruto says, the cue for them to leave. He jumps and displaces Minato from Tobirama.
The Nidaime – the Hokage who had attained infamy for his no non-sense approach, infallible attitude, and stoic demeanour – pouts at Naruto. He tries to grab Minato back. Naruto goes back into his bijuu cloak and accidentally bumps into Sasuke when Minato tries to reach for Tobirama to console the pouting Hokage.
Sasuke, incapable of letting Naruto get by him, brings out his Susanoo. He plucks Minato off of Naruto and gently throws him to Tobirama.
“Teme!”
“Dobe.”
They start to fight.
“I can’t believe I am saying this, but I have paperwork,” Kakashi groans.
“Knock it off!” Sakura helpfully intervenes, knocking her fists against Naruto and Sasuke’s head. Though she isn’t near the former Hokages, they still wisely straighten their backs to be on their best behaviour.
“You should have made her Hokage,” Itachi comments.
“I thought you were sleeping.”
“I thought I was dead.”
Touché.
“She threatened to become a nukenin if I went anywhere near her with the hat,” Kakashi says sadly. “She knows where Tsunade’s vacation house is.”
Itachi pats his shoulder in comfort.
And because it’s just that kind of day, Sasuke sees the touch. His eyes go slip into Mangekyo.
“Oi, teme! Don’t attack our Hokage-sensei! And stop disrupting their love!”
“I’m going to go nukenin,” Kakashi whispers in desolation as Sasuke lets out a war cry at Naruto’s thoughtless words.
Itachi doesn’t let go of Kakashi’s shoulder. In fact, he trails his hand down Kakashi’s spine to rest against his hip. Asshole. “It’s not all that great.”
Sasuke attacks and Naruto lunges to intercept. Kakashi watches as the island splinters under the combined force of a Susanoo fist and nine Kyuubi tails. “Must be better than this.”
“We’d find you, Kakashi-kun,” Minato says, half in consolation and half in threat. “Come on, let’s get you back home.”
Back home means back at the office. Kakashi sighs in resignation.
They teleport back by yet another jutsu Tobirama and Minato have created, appearing just outside the Hokage Tower.
Sakura elects to stay back to get Naruto and Sasuke back at a reasonable time, but probably is joining in to delay them both. Kakashi is positive he saw Tobirama and Itachi both slip her some money. Tobirama for obvious reasons and Itachi because he needs a head start if he’s going to run away. ‘Not all that great’ Kakashi’s increasingly deflated ass.
“Dinner at 8pm,” Minato reminds Kakashi. Kakashi desperately tries not to think of if it’s the same hand he saw groping the Nidaime’s crotch. Tobirama pets Kakashi’s head like he’s a child and not physically older than the Nidaime.
Kakashi nods, waving them off.
They’ve wasted almost the entire day at the island. The mountain of paperwork has only multiplied. It’s awful. But, at least it’s peace and quiet.
Until, “RIVAL!!! HOW COULD YOU BETRAY OUR ETERNAL FRIENDSHIP!?!?!?!? YOU JOUSTED AGAINST YOUR GODLINGS AND FORMER KAGES WITHOUT ME? And why was Itachi-kun there?” The last bit was said with a deadly calm.
Kakashi turns on his heel and heads straight for the river.
{End.}