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The others had come back to their recent campsite with wide grins and a new job. They had gone into the closest town and had been approached by a man asking them to meet his boss in a city up north. While it wasn’t surprising to hear someone ask for them by name, hearing that they were supposed to meet in a city, of all places, filled Kan with distaste.
He had never liked going into the cities; they always smelled foul and were far too crowded, even for him. It didn’t help that the cities were always so far from where Orcs tended to settle that people looked at Kan with such intense fear that he could practically smell. He had grumbled when everyone (even Lady, who always looked uncomfortable when they were around a large group of people and seeing her emoting so clearly and obviously filled Kan with a deep discomfort and made him want to shield her from the world) had agreed to take the job and began to make their way north.
His complaints only grew the closer they got to the city, and Kan could tell that the group was annoyed, excluding Lady. To be fair, however, Lady never seemed annoyed when Kan would just ramble, sometimes a story about his childhood or just something that had caught his attention. She would nod along, that serious expression always on her face, and then ask questions about something he had said that caught her attention. How it had taken him so long to realize he had fallen in love with her could, like most things, be attributed to how fucking stupid Kan could be.
Too soon they had arrived at the city and Kan looked around at the building and crowds, already noticing the stares that followed them as they made their way further in.
He groaned, arms crossed behind his head and a small pout on his lips, “Still don’t really understand why I gotta go in with you guys. I’m perfectly happy just waiting outside the city while you talk to whatever fancy bastard asked for us.”
Kan wasn’t being completely truthful with his words, but he figured he could be forgiven for lying. He would rather they all stuck together in such a big city, but his discomfort and the stares were beginning to get to him, and he didn’t want the group to worry about him or be distracted by his complaining.
The others firmly ignored him, having had to listen to him for the past three hours, and he even saw one of them rolling her eyes.
Lady, lovely Lady, hummed her agreement from beside him as she looked around to take in the sights.
“We might need the backup.” She answered in her usual straightforward and simple way.
Kan watched as she sidestepped around someone that she nearly ran into and Kan automatically reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder while casting a glare at his surroundings. He caught even more stares and people shrinking away from the group and out of his path, causing him to shrink in on himself to seem smaller and less intimidating.
Seeing the fear and, sometimes, the hate in the eyes of people who see him for the first time had always hit him like a physical blow. It never seemed to matter that he took care in making sure he looked as harmless as he possibly could, the response was always the same: the shifty eyes that could never quite look at him, the rush in getting him what he had asked for so he could leave quickly, even the way they always looked like they expected him to attack at a moment’s notice.
“I guess that’s true,” he finally mumbled, eyes darting between the ground and his surroundings.
Lady seemed to take his hand on her shoulder as permission to look around even more and Kan was pretty much steering her through the streets at that point.
She looked up at him and, Kan realized a moment later with a sinking heart, noticed his discomfort.
“Do you want to leave?” she asked as she focused on him, serious and quiet the way she always was.
‘Fuck, I thought I was doing well keeping this shit off my face.’ Kan cursed himself internally, wishing, not for the first time, that he wasn’t so easy to read.
Giving her the best smile he could manage at that moment in an effort to soothe her worry, he said, “Ah, nah, it’s fine. This shouldn’t take too long.”
With a gentle squeeze to her shoulder, Kan turned his gaze forward with a renewed determination to not be bothered by the looks he was being given. That lasts up until he noticed people stumbling out of his path with wide eyes filled with fear. He shrunk into himself and ducked his head into the collar of his, unable to handle the looks being directed at him.
“Kan,” he startled at the sound of Lady’s voice and looked over, “what are those orange things over there for?”
He followed her gaze towards a nearby stall selling oranges and blinked, still stuck in his own head before a startled laugh escaped from him. Hearing Lady’s voice, calm and even, soothed something in Kan and he focused on answering her question, shoving his discomfort aside for the moment. His hand left her shoulder to grab her hand instead and he began to gently tug her towards the stall.
As they near the stall, Kan looked down at Lady with a small smile and said, “You already said the name, but they’re a fruit called oranges! They’re real good too, wanna try?”
Kan noticed the rest of the group continuing on after giving the two of them a wave and he couldn’t help but feel relieved. He had never been the best or most useful when it came to talking to potential clients; the business side of things tended to confuse him and he had never seen the point of getting paid to help someone when he was very willing to offer it for free. His willingness to help and reluctance to take people’s coin hadn’t been taken well when he had been traveling with Vitham, even if Ki-she had been there to help mediate between the two of them.
“I’ve seen people eating them but I also saw them being played with.” Lady observed from beside him, looking up at him and pulling him from his own thoughts, “Is it ok to separate?”
Confused for a moment before realizing what she meant, Kan hummed as he rifled through his pack for money and said, “Yeah, it should be fine. I know what the building looks like, it’ll be fine.”
They both stopped in front of the stall being manned by an older human man who had been arranging the oranges on his table, and he looked up at them with a smile that quickly faded when he catches sight of Kan. Kan’s stomach dropped when the man looked frighten for the split second their eyes meet before the man swallows and a shaky and strained smile appeared on his face.
“Ah, um how-how can I help you two?” he greeted with an audible tremble in his voice, his eyes never quite looking at Kan.
Kan stopped beside Lady, wishing he could be back in the safety of the woods, and slowly placed the money on the table and quietly pointed to one of the oranges. The man hurriedly collected the money, his eyes darting over to Kan like he expected him to snatch it out of his hands, and then placed the orange in front of Kan without saying anything. Kan, feeling exhausted and just wanting to leave, quickly picked it up and began to steer Lady away.
He stopped once he pulled them both into a small alley situated between two buildings and Kan looked down at the orange in his hand for a long moment, something bitter sitting on the back of his tongue as he recalled the look of fear on that man’s face.
“Fucking cities.” He whispered to himself, unable to help but feel resentful of all the stares and fear directed at him.
Kan heard a rustle from beside him and he pulled himself from his thoughts, remembering that Lady was still with him. He looked over and saw her eying the crowd walking past the alley they were in, something akin to suspicion in her eyes and her hand resting on her gun.
“I don’t understand what’s happening.” She said flatly and her gaze looked to him for clarification.
‘Oh, Goddess, how do I even explain this to her?’ Kan thought with a tinge of panic and he tossed the orange in his pack to give him an excuse to not answer right away.
He crossed his arms, wanting to hide, and hunched in on himself. He had never had to say his feelings about the stares and feel out loud before. When he had been traveling with K-her and Sam, the only two people that had cared to notice his discomfort, they had simply glanced at each other with that knowing look they got and then proceeded to distract him the entire time they had been in that city. They had never asked him about it, but they both comforted him in their own ways.
Sam had grumbled from his customary place on Kan’s left the first time it had happened, hands moving in the air as he had said, “What fool would see you as scary? They’ve never seen you pick flowers for an hour and braid it into a crown, so they can keep their shitty opinions to themselves.”
She had stand on his right, arms crossed and a frown on her face, like they had offended her instead of Kan. She hadn’t said anything, but she had met his eyes and given a firm nod at Sam’s words. Tears had escaped his eyes even as he had laughed and wrapped an arm around the two of them, clinging to them for a long moment before releasing them. It had become commonplace for conversations like that to happen after any of them, not just Kan, got a particular look about them and the other two would make sure they knew they were cared for.
“Ah, well.” He replied after a long moment, avoiding Lady’s eyes and hating himself for not being able to look at her.
He stared at the ground for another moment before a deep sigh escaped him and he reluctantly continued, eyes still firmly glued to the ground, “Orcs, even half-orcs like me…they don’t have the best reputation. Me being big and looking the way I do doesn’t help.”
He let an awkward and strained laugh out when he finished speaking, his arms tightening around himself as he waited for her to say something. Kan’s eyes flew open when he felt a touch on his elbow, Lady having moved closer and place her hand on him while his eyes had been closed.
“I like the way you look. Other people…” she trailed off, looking Kan dead in the eyes and a warm feeling surged up in his chest, quickly overtaking his discomfort and insecurities as she continued, “they don’t matter.”
She tugged on one of his arms, and Kan let her pull it away from him and watched in awe as she tucked her arm around the crook of his elbow.
Her free hand hovered over her gun again and she looked back up at him and very seriously said, “You matter, Kan.”
Kan could feel his eyes widen involuntarily and his mouth drop open slightly. She was giving him the same look Kiri used to give him when he was being particularly stupid, when she had been trying to get him to understand how much he meant to her without actually saying it.
His eyes water and he used the arm Lady was holding to pull her into a warm hug, feeling her stiffen before quickly relaxing.
He gave a warm laugh, feeling guilty and stupid for ever hesitating around Lady, and settled his chin on her head before rubbing her back with his hand. “Damn, Ladybug, you gotta warn me before you say such sweet things.”
“It’s the truth.” She insisted and her hand idly patted his chest.
That warm feeling spread throughout his body and he had to stop himself from squeezing Lady. She had become much more comfortable with touch, but she still had moments where it would make that blank look appear on her face and terrify him right down to his soul.
So, he settled for simply humming and pulled back so he could see her face. His face felt warm and a soft smile made it’s way to his face as he looked down at her.
“If you say it, dear heart, then I got no choice but to believe you.” Kan said fondly and reached up to gently caress her cheek, “I like the way you look too, by the way.”
Lady looked confused at the compliment but leaned into the touch almost subconsciously. Kan watched her, and he could practically feel the smitten look that had to be on his face but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Seeing her unwound the tight knot in his chest as he stepped back and he, for the first time since stepping into the city, felt relaxed and settled in his own skin.
Kan straightened his back and held his head high, a large grin on his face as he said, “Let’s go meet the others, yeah?”
She stepped back and gave him a nod in agreement and they stepped out of the alley, together.