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It was a rainy day, one of many in the rainy season that announced the start of summer. In such days, Xiao didn’t really feel like training, especially in the latest months. He had many things to think about, and for sure he didn’t want to think about them ill in bed. Therefore, once he saw the sky darkening, he hurried to Liyue, headed to Zhongli’s place and praying to get there before the rain got worse. However, the skies decided to not let him in peace, and when he got there he was soaked.
“Welcome to WangSheng Funeral Parlor! Need to make one funeral? Why not make them two? You’ll have a discount~ Yours truly, director Hu Tao!”
“Spare me the dark humour and give me a towel, will you?” Xiao rolled his eyes at the welcome, which had become a little too frequent in his routine. Did she ever shut up about the discounts?
“Oh, look at what we have here! You look like a soaked puppy, o great Adeptus!”
“Well, maybe because I am soaked? Will you get me a towel or do I have to do it on my own?” He was in a really bad mood. He just wanted to be left alone, and yet he had to deal with Hu Tao’s antics. She wasn’t annoying per se. On the contrary, the two got, quite weirdly, along well. Maybe because she was Rex Lapis’s boss, she had a similar vibe to him. At least, somewhere deep inside. Whenever she was not being like that. Which was not often. Okay, the more he thought about it, the more he felt like he was irritated by her most of the time. But he could swear she had some good in her.
“Director, I can deal with him.” ‘Thank God, a sane person’, Xiao thought, glad that the only person he could stand in this moment was present. “Come with me, I will help you dry yourself.”
“Thank you, Rex Lapis.”
“I already told you to call me Zhongli, Xiao. That is the name I go by here in Liyue.”
“It feels weird. It doesn’t really feel like you.” The two started walking towards the bathroom, and once they arrived there Zhongli asked the Yaksha to sit on a stool. He recovered a towel, and then started drying his hair. It was a usual occurrence, Zhongli had a soft spot for the Yaksha.
“Is something the matter? You look listless. Lately, you always come here when it’s raining.”
“... I just don’t feel like training when the weather’s bad.” Zhongli’s touch didn’t feel bad at all, as soft as it was. It made him relax. What he felt for him was akin to the love for a father or an older brother. They weren’t related, obviously, but he took care of him in his darkest moments. He felt like he could always lower his guard around him. However, just like a brother or a son always had his own secrets, he too had things he couldn’t easily tell him. It wasn’t really because he wanted his privacy, but more because... it felt complex to him too. To open up, he first had to sort things by himself.
“Mh... Can I guess, then? I have come to my conclusions, after analysing you for a while.”
“Why are you treating me like a weird specimen to study...?”
At that comment, Zhongli couldn’t help but smile and laugh softly. “I would never. I am merely worried about your well-being. I care about you more than you think. In any case. You have been listless ever since Aether left Liyue. Can I assume he is the cause of your unwillingness to train under the rain?”
He wondered how he managed to do that. Zhongli could always guess right, when it came to him. Did he know him all that well, or was he just terribly easy to read? He turned to look outside of the window, hearing the soft pitter-patter of the rain on the wooden roof. It made him melancholic. “... You’re not fair. You know everything about me even when I don’t tell you.”
“Well, am I or am I not the one who took little Xiao in when he had nowhere to go?” He softly caressed the younger man’s head, looking at him worriedly. “Besides, lately your troubles always revolve around him. You can talk to me, if you ever feel doubtful about anything. I will do what is in my power to make you feel better.”
Better, huh...? He knew full well that the only thing that could really make him feel better was seeing Aether, though. “... You... know, when it’s raining, I can’t help but lose myself in my thoughts. It has been like this ever since you freed me from my previous master, but… lately it’s much worse. The rain just takes away my will to train.”
“Hm.” Zhongli just nodded, as to invite him to talk more. He would have just listened and let him vent. It would have been just like talking to a wall. That made Xiao feel better. So, he started talking again.
“I actually... feel lonely. I think it’s really weird. I have always been alone. I don’t like contact with others, because I can’t really read them. And, actually, being alone is comfortable. It’s less worries, for once. But... he’s different. I feel at ease around him. In a sense, he’s comforting like you are. He never presses me at all. Even if I’m harsh, he doesn’t even get angry. He just smiles. He is... really bright when he smiles. And when he does press, it’s only because of good things. It felt good, receiving his push for the Lantern Festival. And then, his birthday too was nice. Thanks to him, I could see new sides of humans, and... well, he liked my gifts. But, the more I think about those things, the more I think about how he’s not here now. And that makes me a little sad. I know he has things to do. Searching for his sister like that is amazing, and I would gladly help him, if I could do something. But I still want to see him. I’d like for him to stop whatever he’s doing and come here just to see how we’re doing. It makes me ashamed, acting like a spoiled child. ... Hey, are you still listening to me?”
“Of course. I was intent on listening to your tender love declaration. You can be quite the romanticist. Ah, and also, I am glad you find me comforting.” The Archon giggled, feeling relieved. Seeing his dear little Yaksha relieve some of the tension by talking without pressure made him feel like it was a good idea, to act like a stone wall. Well, in a sense he was made of stone.
“That... was not a love declaration. How did you get to that conclusion?” The Yaksha turned to look at him, displeased and a little embarrassed. Was that what it sounded like?
“The way you speak so fondly of him. You compliment him much more than you compliment me, and I am the closest person to you. Moreover, your eyes sparkle when you talk about him.” Xiao was a bit irritated at Zhongli’s face. He looked like a parent who just heard his son talking endlessly about his crush. And that meant he looked teeth-rottingly moved. But really, did his eyes sparkle...? He didn’t really know. He never noticed. Was that the reaction he had every time he thought or talked about Aether? Did that mean… he too saw him looking like that? Now that was embarrassing.
“... I’m not sparkling.”
“Ahah, you are being shy. There is nothing wrong in sparkling for someone. On the contrary, I think it’s something beautiful.”
“How can it be? It’s just plain embarrassing.” It was like... laying bare his thoughts and his feelings. There was nothing beautiful in letting anyone see them. There was a reason if he was closed off, he didn’t want strangers prying. He didn’t want anyone to see how stained he was. He didn’t want to let anyone get involved with his karma.
“But that just proves the sincerity of your feelings. You should look at things from a different perspective. Sure, it is embarrassing. But why don’t you try to see what lays after that? What he could think about it, for example.”
“Him...?” What... would Aether think, if he saw his eyes sparkling in front of him? Knowing him, he would... probably be happy. And he would smile like he always did. After all, he was always pushing him to get closer to him, so probably knowing he felt at ease with him was a good thing. “... I think he would be happy.”
“I think so too. So, there are advantages in letting it show. You can make him happy.”
“... He’s not here, though.” Xiao muttered, a hint of sadness in his voice. He was fully aware of that. He knew it, it was something that had been going on for months. It wasn’t news. He was sure they would have met again, someday, but he didn’t really know when. They didn’t make plan or anything. He didn’t even know where Aether was right now. That made his heart ache. He wanted to see him so badly. He never felt like that towards anyone.
“I am curious, though. What made you, so shy and closed off, fall in love with a stranger?”
“Why are you talking as if I’m madly in love with him?”
“Oh, so we were playing that game? The one where I have to make you admit I am right?” Zhongli smirked, sure of himself. Why did it constantly feel like he knew him better than he knew himself? But, reasonably thinking... this time too, he couldn’t really deny what he said. He didn’t want to admit it to himself, fearing that a thing such as love could be a weakness... But he knew he was infatuated with him. Maybe in love, even. It was the only explanation to the loud pounding in his heart whenever he was with him. The reasons were multiple, and in time they piled up, but the main one was that he just knew, somewhere deep inside, that Aether had something more. He was not like anyone else he ever met. Even Zhongli would pale if compared to him.
“... No need to continue. I’ll tell you.” Xiao sighed, defeated. He couldn’t really keep hiding things from him. “When I first met him... he was glittering gold.”
“Glittering gold?” The Archon looked at him, surprised. He expected many things, but not this.
“I... saw his soul, I think. I can’t really tell, it’s been so long since the last time I saw one. But it was the purest soul I’ve ever seen in my life. There was not a single trace of stains.”
“I see. So you were mesmerized by his purity.” It made sense. Xiao was tormented by his karma, by the stains in his own soul. Seeing a soul so pure must have made him instinctively long for him. He couldn’t really blame him, though. Aether’s purity was fascinating to him too.
“It’s not only that anymore, though. There are... many other things.” Talking with Zhongli was really helping. He was slowly dealing with his own feelings, learning to accept them wholly. It felt as if he was his therapist…
“Mind to tell me, then? This old Archon is quite the nosy man.”
“Wow, I could never tell.” He snorted, closing his eyes. “His smile is bright. He opens my eyes to the world I never wanted to explore. I catch all his gestures. Now that he is not here, my thoughts are full of him. And... things happened at his birthday party. Let’s leave it at, I said really nice things to him and he kissed me on the cheek.” Ah, talking about him really made him want to see him. When would he come back to see him? He would have, someday, right? He had lived for what felt like an eternity, but he had never been that impatient. He wanted the days to pass faster.
“When, exactly, were you planning to give me the good news? What are you even worrying about, after being on the receiving end of a kiss? I think I can say with confidence your feelings are mutual. Aether is not the type to do such things without a reason.”
“I’m not worried about anything. I just... miss him. I want to see him soon.”
“And when you see him, what do you want to do?”
“... I want to tell him I love him.”
It was a rainy day. Aether would have never thought that, during his travels, he would have ended up wishing to be soaked in rain. It was so hot in Sumeru, though, the rain felt like a blessing. However, the pouring rain made him melancholic. It made him think of Liyue, and of Xiao. How long had it been, since he last saw him? How was he? Was he okay, on his own? Did he retire again in some secluded place to be alone? It was probably dumb to worry about him like this, he was two thousand years old. He didn’t need his worry. But he couldn’t help it. While resting with Paimon in an oasis, he took out from his pouch a bookmark with a Glaze Lily, the very same Xiao gifted him. Every time he looked at it, he was reminded of that birthday party, and of his face as he told him all those embarrassing things. Xiao had never been that sincere, he was always hiding his thoughts behind a shield of detachment. However, that night, just for him... he poured his heart in his gift. He could still remember those words. ‘You are like the Glaze Lily’. He had never been compared to a flower. It was... romantic. Just thinking back on it could make his heart pound. That night really was something else. He couldn’t help himself when he kissed Xiao on the cheek. How could he not, after everything he had done? But he never really thought that well about what that entailed. Of how he felt about that kiss. Ah, now that he was thinking about him, he really wanted to see him.
“... Hey, are you listening to Paimon? You’re listless!”
“Eh? Ah, sorry, what were you saying?”
“I was saying, why are you always looking at that flower? Paimon’s really envious, you know!” Envious... Well, who wouldn’t be? Receiving a flower as a gift was amazing. How could Xiao even think it wasn’t a nice present?
“Well, I look at it because I like it!”
“Ahhhh, Paimon’s so jealous! She didn’t know you were this popular with women! What amazing heart-pounding experience did you have?!” Well, it wasn’t really a girl though? But it was for sure heart-pounding. He could imagine Xiao’s deathly stare on him, though, even he was far far away. Had he said something too detailed, he would have probably scolded him because he had no sense of privacy...
“I’m not popular with women. It’s a gift from Xiao.”
“WHAAAAAA?! Th-That loner is able to choose presents?!”
“Hey, Paimon, you’re being rude!” He scolded her, slightly angry. It wasn’t the first time he ended up scolding her because she said something a little too mean about Xiao. Actually, it wasn’t limited to her. Whoever said something bad about him deserved a scolding, in his eyes. After all, Xiao was… such a good person. He was just bad at showing it! So why did everyone treat him like he was a loner with no sense of respect or intimacy with other people? That made him really mad!
“Ughhhh, don’t get angry at Paimon…! She’s just amazed! Yes, absolutely amazed!”
“You’re not being sincere.” The boy pouted, going back to his bookmark. Why did no one believe him to be affectionate? He had just his own ways of showing it. And whenever he showed it, since it was so rare… it made everything better. “You just don’t get him.”
“Yeah, right, Paimon doesn’t.” The little girl shrugged, looking resigned. “And she doesn’t get how you get him either.”
“It’s not that hard, though? He’s mainly reserved and shy. He gets harsher when he’s embarrassed. And he actually cares a lot about people, like about Zhongli! Also, he’s always a bit sad about his past. Ah, and also—”
“Paimon thinks she shouldn’t have asked.” She had to stop him, or she felt like he would have gone on for hours. She didn’t really understand how he could say so many things about Xiao when all she could see was a stone face and someone that begged to be left alone to his own devices. “Traveler, you’re either too perceptive, or see him however you want!”
“But it’s really easy to read him, I’m telling you!”
“Hey, Paimon thinks you’re too soft on him. Do you have a crush on him?” Of course, she just said it jokingly. She couldn’t really picture Aether in love with someone, given how nice he was to literally everyone. He just wanted to be friends even with the lonest wolf on Teyvat. However, at her words, Aether’s face flushed red. Wait, for real? Did she finally get something right?! But now she was extremely disappointed. They were travelling together, why did he have such secrets?! “… Why didn’t you tell Paimon?! Paimon wanted to know!”
“I… I don’t though?”
“Yeah, as if Paimon is that stupid! You’re all red!”
“A-Am I?” He didn’t really believer her yet, so he touched his own cheeks, feeling them burning up. It wasn’t just the heat, then, he was really blushing… But, he never really thought about it. Xiao was an interesting person, that was for sure. But, a crush on him? Well, he did make his heart beat, and sometimes he did think he was sort of cute and handsome. And his gift was like a treasure to him, and his smile the night of his birthday party was soooo pretty. His cheek when he kissed him was burning, and it was soft too. And he so wanted to see him, right now. … Wait, wasn’t that a full-fledged crush?! He really had a crush on him without noticing?! Since when?! He felt… extremely dumb.
“Paimon thinks you’re interesting. You’re making all sorts of faces.”
“Oh God. I think I really have a crush on him.”
“You really didn’t notice?!” Now she was the angry one. She wasn’t the smartest in the world, but how could she have noticed before him?! He was the one to have a crush!
“I never thought about it… I mean, I just thought we were really good friends, and that I kissed him on the cheek because I was happy about the Glaze Lily…”
“How can you not realize you like someone but still kiss them because you’re happy sbout a gift?! Are you that oblivious?!” Well, the answer was obvious: yes, he was. And right now, Paimon felt like a nagging mom that was reprimanding his son for bullying his crush. “Paimon feels sorry for Xiao!”
“I’m sorry! I’ll reflect on my actions, I swear!”
“Say you’re sorry to him, not to Paimon! And now, think well about how you feel. Paimon wants to know!” … So she just wanted to gossip, in the end. Did she really understand love all that well? Aether didn’t really know. She probably got it right this time because it was that obvious. But she was right, he had to reflect on a lot of things. Like, when did he start liking him? Saying it aloud in his own mind still felt extremely embarrassing, but also… right. Really, how could he never even consider such a possibility? Honestly speaking, however, he was not so sure about when he started liking him. His attitude towards Xiao had never changed since he met him, after all. What he thought of him didn’t change either. He never thought of him as someone unfriendly, or someone with which he didn’t want to have anything to do. On the contrary, he always wished to get closer to him. He had a feeling that, deep inside, he was a kind person. And how right he was! Xiao was awkward, sure, but he was also one of the kindest persons he ever met. Even his will to be left alone came from not wanting people to get hurt because of him. He always wanted to tell him he didn’t really have to distance himself so much from others, since many people wanted to get to know him better. Most of all, though, what he wanted to tell him was that he didn’t have to distance himself from him. That he would have always been there for him. He wanted to be his strength. The more he thought about him, about what he wanted to accomplish with him, the more he understood… that he didn’t understand anything about himself at all. How could he not understand that all the happiness Xiao made him feel came from being in love? He felt hopelessly stupid. He wanted to go back to his birthday party and answer to his confession. He did say he could see it like that, no? But that would mean the feelings would be mutual. Did Xiao like him too? That was probably just wishful thinking. Now that he thought about it again, he should have understood he had a crush on him when he got that happy about thinking it was a confession… Ah, he couldn’t understand all if Xiao felt that way about him. He really was oblivious to love. There were only two things he was certain of, right now. That he had a crush on Xiao, and that he wanted to see him again.
“Ughhhh, I want to go back to Liyue…!”
The rain was still falling, and he couldn’t help but look out of the windows as if mesmerized by the small drops of water. He wondered, what he was doing right now? Was he traveling? Resting? He really hoped he wouldn’t exhaust himself during the journey. He wanted to see him always full of energies.
He wondered if he too was looking at the rain and thinking about him. It would have been amazing, if their thoughts were to be connected like that. It would have been extremely romantic too. It was already amazing that, despite being so far away and not seeing each other for so long, his thoughts were so full of him.
When would they see each other again? He had so many things to tell him. He had to tell him about his feelings. About how much he missed. About how lonely he felt without him smiling by his side.
He wanted to go somewhere with him and talk all night long about what they did when they were separated. And then, they could touch a lot, hold hands, smile together. And maybe, they could kiss again, this time conscious of their feelings.
He couldn’t stop thinking about his beautiful golden hair.
About his amber eyes, and his grace while he danced on the battlefield.
His heart was bursting out of desire to see him.
It was what drove him to go on.
They would soon meet again.
And then they would do lots of things together.
They could laugh.
They could have fun.
They could kiss.
They could be in love.
They could separate…
… less and less every day.
Ah, I want to see him so badly.
Ah, I want to see him so badly.