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They were all on patrol this time. They need to take care of the Penguin before he imports another stock of arms in Gotham.
It was hard, there were a lot of men, Pinguin is not the man you want as an enemy. Unfortunately, it’s not like they had a choice.
They came back to the Cave after hours of fighting and running through the whole city. They were all exhausted, but they knew they needed to debrief the previous events.
Bruce was sitting in front of the Cave’s computer as his children were standing behind him. At that point, Bruce should have realized that Jason was a bit paler and quieter than usual, but he had work to do, and he just wanted to take a shower after that and go to sleep.
Dick was sitting on the chair next to him, Tim and Damian were standing in front of the table and Jason was alone in a corner of the Cave.
“Alright, since I couldn’t keep an eye on all of you, I need you to tell me what happened from your point of view, one by one, starting from you Dick.” started Bruce as Alfred was bringing him some tea.
Slowly, Dick explained what happened, as he was chasing two men on the docks. During these five minutes, Bruce was noting actively his son’s report.
After a while, he switched to another of his sons.
“Perfect, now Red Hood.”
No answers.
“Red Hood? Jason?”
Bruce turned around to see his son curled up on the floor. “Jay, are you alright?”
Still no answers, and that was worrying Bruce. He knew his son could be stubborn, but this wasn’t about stubbornness, he looked sick.
Bruce left his seat to come closer to his son, trying to coax an answer out of him. From where he was sitting, he could see his son’s hands shaking.
“Jason?” Bruce repeated and his voice was a bit higher with stress.
At that moment, Jason let out what was looking like a choked sob, lifted his head enough so Bruce could see his way to pale face and his red-rimmed eyes. His breath was way too short for Bruce’s liking and he looked like he wanted to talk but couldn’t put words together.
Probably a panic attack. Bruce already saw some. Never had one, but Dick used to have frequent panic attacks a few years ago after what Tarentula did to him and Blockbuster. Bruce knew how to help, it was just a bit rusty.
“Okay, Jason. You’re gonna be just fine. Focus on your breathing, can you do that for me? Breathe in for four seconds… 2… 3… 4… Hold for four seconds… 2… 3… 4… Now breathe out for six seconds… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… Great, you’re doing great. It’s okay if you cannot hold on for enough seconds, try to do your best, it’ll get better.”
Jason didn’t actually seem to get better as Bruce kept trying to make him breathe: “2… 3… 4… Now breathe out for six seconds…” echoed on the Cave, but Jason couldn’t follow his count, and it was making him even more panicking because he was getting even paler and his hands were shaking like crazy.
“Bruce… maybe you should get him out of the Cave. Take him to the yard to make him breathe fresh air?” suggested Dick, whispering the words as if they could hurt his younger brother.
Bruce looked at Dick, then at his son shaking on the ground, and nodded.
“Fine, come on chum, let’s go outside and breathe fresh air.”
The adult helped his son to get up, but the latter was shaking so badly he couldn’t seem to walk correctly, and Bruce was scared to make him panic even more if he was touching him right now.
“Come on, baby. You need to try and walk. Can you do that?”
Jason shook his head, trying to babble something between his sobs: “can’t… can’t…”
“Okay, okay, Jaylad. Can I touch you to take you outside?”
His son seemed to think for a second before nodding and Bruce took gently his son in his arms, carrying him slowly to the yard. He didn’t care if he had to walk for ten minutes with his 200lbs son in his arms. He just wanted his baby to feel safe.
“If you don’t feel good, just tell me and I’ll put you down,” he mumbled but if Jason heard you, he didn’t show any sign of it.
“Come on baby, we’re almost there. It’s gonna be bright for a moment, you should close your eyes.”
Jason hid his face in his father’s broad chest and Bruce would have smiled if he wasn’t so much worried about his son’s health. He helped his son out of his arms and made him sit on a bench next to the manor.
“Now try again, Jay. Breathe in for four seconds… 2… 3… 4… Hold for four seconds… 2… 3… 4… Now breathe out for six seconds… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… You’re doing great. Again.”
They stayed like that for almost two minutes. When Bruce noticed that Jason was breathing better, he changed his method.
“Now, tell me five things you can see.”
Jason took a while to calm himself enough to be able to speak coherently, but Bruce waited patiently.
“The… The grass... you, the sky... a tree, and… and… the bench.”
“Perfect, sweetheart. Take your time, it’s okay. Now tell me four things you can hear.”
“You,” Jason seemed to hesitate after that, his breathing fastening a bit.
“Hey, Jay it’s okay, take your time, just concentrate on the exercise. You’re fine.”
“The… The birds maybe? I think I can hear Alfred making dinner but I’m not sure… and… and maybe Titus?”
“Yes, sure baby, no wrong answers. Can you tell me three things you can touch?”
“My… My suit, the bench, and the grass…”
Bruce kissed his son’s hair: “Two things you can smell.”
“Your cologne... and the yard, I guess.”
“Finally, one thing you can taste.”
“... I can’t taste anything…”
“It’s fine, baby? Can you tell me one thing you love about yourself?”
Jason looked even more confused, but finally, he sighed and mumbled: “My hair, maybe.”
Bruce smiled. It wasn’t perfect, but it was still something.
“Do you want to stay here for a moment? Keep breathing, chum. Do you think you can read this out loud, it will make you think about something else.”
Jason took the book with shaking hands and started slowly: “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.”
After a few pages read out loud, they decided to go back to the manor because it was getting cold and Jason was already shivering because of his recent anxiety attack. Bruce knew that an anxiety attack wasn’t over in a few minutes and that they needed to stay vigilant for the next hours. Bruce led Jason to the kitchen and asked quietly Alfred to make Jason help with the dinner to change his mind a bit.
When the food was ready, Jason was allowed to take it back to Bruce’s bedroom as the latter was staying with him.
“Are you feeling better, Jay?”
“Just… just a bit. I feel like everything could go wrong in an instant…”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Jason took a deep breath as if he was checking if he was able to breathe correctly before answering: “The guys I was purchasing… the… one of them had a clown mask and I know it’s stupid because it’s not him and it was just a fucking mask but—
“It’s not stupid, Jaylad. Never. You have the right to be traumatized, and that some elements as a clown mask can make you panic very easily. There is no shame in this.”
His son nodded, and let his father bring him closer. “I should have been there, son. I’m so sorry.”
Was Bruce talking about this evening, or about the day Jason died? The young man couldn’t tell. He didn’t answer but let his father pet his hair slowly, allowing himself to be comforted. “You’re here now.”
After the dinner, Damian joined them in the bedroom and put Alfred the Cat on his big brother’s lap.
“I read that having something warm on you can help during a panic attack. So… I brought you Alfred.”
Damian seemed embarrassed, and he tried to hide his worry behind a mask of indifference, but his eyes were scanning Jason for any signs of injuries.
“Thanks, Dami.” Mumbled the older and Damian gave up and joined his brother and father in the bed, holding Jason for dear life.
It was nice to be held between two members of his family, feeling finally safe and warm.
It took a while for Jason to fall asleep. His heart was still beating way too fast for his liking and he had trouble thinking about anything else than tonight’s patrol.
But Bruce and Damian didn’t seem to mind about his restlessness. Bruce was holding his head and breathing slowly so his son could copy his rhythm, and Damian kept holding him while petting the cat Alfred with his other hand.
Jason finally fell asleep, only waking up in the early afternoon.
Bruce and Damian were gone, but Dick was in the bed, petting his baby brother’s hair slowly.
“Finally awake, Little Wing! How are you feeling?”
“Better… ‘m sorry I fucked up the debriefing last night.”
Dick shook his head: “Why are you sorry about something you don’t have any control of?” He whispered.
“I don’t want to be a burden for all of you. I… This was our first patrol together since forever and I fucked up…”
“You didn’t fucked up, Jay. You find a way to complete the mission even if you were terrified and you only broke when you were safe at home. That’s fucking brave!”
Jason had a small smile, and it satisfied Dick enough to get off the bed and lead his brother to the kitchen for lunch.
Tim was in the kitchen when they arrived, tapping on his computer while drinking a coffee.
“Can you just order burgers?” Jason whined.
“Bruce said no caffeine and no unhealthy food after having a panic attack. It can reinforce anxiety. Alfred left you vegetables and rice in the fridge, if you’re hungry.”
Jason groaned, but opened the fridge and took the leftovers.
He and Dick waited for the food to heat up, talking with Tim about the weird fact that whales are sleeping vertically when Bruce entered. He seemed relieved to see his sons eating and talking as if nothing happened. He kissed Jason’s forehead, pressed Dick’s shoulder and ruffled Tim’s head as he sat on the kitchen table. “I thought you might want to know that the traffic was interrupted and the Penguin is back in prison.”
“Good.” Hummed Dick, and Jason couldn’t agree more.
“So I thought,” Bruce continued, “that it could be a good idea to take my sons to eat a brunch with me, to celebrate.
“You said no unhealthy food for Jason!”
“Brunch can be healthy. Come on get ready, I’m going to call Damian, he’s out with Titus.”
The rest of the day went perfectly fine, after the brunch, they went back to the manor where Bruce prepared a warm and perfumed bath for Jason, saying that it would relax them even though the latter insisted that he was feeling fine. Then, they all sat in front of the TV to watch a comfort show. Obviously, Jason fell asleep during the first part of the show, safely held by his father as if he was scared that Jason would run away in the middle of the show.
It wasn’t always perfect, but he was fine now. And as long as his family was there, he’ll always end up fine.