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He realizes it when Alison hugs him.
Stiles and Scott had scheduled some bro time for this Friday but Alison got them tickets to some concert and she asked if he could postpone. Of course postpone pretty much means cancel. Scott’s time is so rare when he’s with Alison and Stiles has gotten used to spending most of his time at home alone. But he loves his friends and he loves that they’re in love so he lets them go every time. Alison does have a pretty awesome smile that makes it worth it.
But when she hugs him its all he can do not to jerk away. It feels so foreign to be hugged. And really, when had that happened? When was the last time he hugged his friends or his dad? It’s not like it was anyone’s fault; everyone was just so busy. Seeing Scott and Alison outside of school is rare and in school they were swamped with work having foolishly opted for the AP track on top of all the supernatural fuckery. His dad has been working late shifts which means he’s gone when Stiles gets home and asleep when he wakes up in the morning. He just doesn’t see anyone. So okay that’s weird, but it’s still fine. It’s just one more thing he has to deal with really. At least it’s not supernatural related.
Or at least it was fine, until he started losing sleep. He’s familiar with having to take forever to get his mind to shut down but he always gets at least six hours of sleep. Now it’s more like four. What the hell? And he’s trying, honestly trying to sleep. He’s putting his computer up early and climbing into bed at seven and still he can’t sleep. He’s stayed up researching methods to help him sleep and trying them but nothing helps. Nothing fucking helps– until he has a break down at school.
God, it’s so weird that he can still get worked up and upset about normal human things. He can still be worried about failing his classes and getting no sleep when there is such a thing as werewolves in Beacon Hills. But it happens anyway, while he’s studying with Scott in the library. Alison kisses his cheek and walks off and then they’re alone and it blindsides them both. Stiles almost has a full-blown panic attack. He’d barely gotten any sleep the past two days and he’s been ignoring his homework in favor of trying to silently figure out what is wrong with him. He only slept okay a week prior because he sneaked some of his dad’s whiskey and he ended up sleeping in the next day and missing half of first block. So he shakes and he cries because he’s sleep deprived and stressed more so than usual. (Which is saying something, goddamn) Scott holds him and rocks him until he calms down, because he’s a good bro like that. Afterwards Stiles shakes him off saying it’s fine and he’s fine and he feels better. When he goes home he sleeps ten hours straight. Ten. Fricken. Hours. Thank god it was a Saturday.
So he figures it out then. Touch starvation.
Of all of the things that could give Stiles Stilinski insomnia, he never would have expected it to be touch starvation. It’s almost more of a problem after he figures it out. He’ll see the pack around but Boyd is always with Erica, Lydia with Jackson, Isaac with Danny (still weird), and Scott with Alison. One time when he sees them sitting together in the cafeteria he thinks about throwing himself across their laps and whining and refusing to move until they love him. But it’s not that simple is it? Nope you can’t just scream, “Hold me!” and expect it to work. He works day in and day out to get off the bench for lacrosse but he only gets bruised and humiliated for his troubles. That’s not really the kind of touch he needs anyway. He has only one full-fledged panic attack but he’s pretty much in emotional agony everyday. He cries in the dark alone in his bed because he is just that, alone in his bed. He has nightmares. He likes it better when he doesn’t sleep. He doesn’t tell anyone.
So he’s not really sure what he’s going to do. Its not like a solution to his problem is going to fall out of the sky…
As it turns out, the solution falls through his bedroom window.
Derek is covered in blood. Again. Stiles curses and throws himself out of bed to kneel by his side.
“Hunters?” Derek nods. “Where?”
“Ran from the preserve. I lost them.”
“Wolfsbane?” He asks uneasily. He keeps a bunch of different strands of the flower at his house but if it was hunters, you never know.
“Not lethal.” Derek bites out.
“But still hurts like a bitch.” Stiles finishes with a nod. He tugs Derek’s shirt up so he can look at the three bullet holes in his torso. Once he sees that only one of them has no exit wound he grits his teeth and ready’s himself to pull out the remains of the bullet. He’s actually prepared for this. As much as he’d love for that to be a positive it really just seems sad. When he kneels down Derek wraps his fingers around Stiles’ bicep and doesn’t let go. Stiles’ doesn’t try to shake him much; after trying the first time Derek’s eyes shifted and he could see glowing specks of purple mixed with the blue. Derek looks terrified and it would seem holding onto someone is helping to ground him. Derek sets his jaw and winces every time Stiles moves the tweezers but remains mostly quiet. About a half hour after, Stiles fishes the bullet out and Derek looks much better but he still looks pained. Actually his eyes look a little glazed and concern starts to bloom in Stiles’ chest.
“Find some clothes that fit you and go wash off the blood.” Stiles commands, helping Derek to his feet; he’s a little unsteady. Stiles ends up having to pry Derek’s fingers loose. Derek nods numbly and takes some clothes and disappears into the bathroom. He doesn’t shower but he does clean off all the blood with a washcloth.
“I should go.” Derek says when he comes back sounding pained and unsure when he speaks. Stiles raises his eyebrows. Derek’s never been shy about staying as long as he needs to. He still looks like shit and Stiles starts to doubt the harmlessness of the wolfsbane.
“What happened?” Derek shakes his head in response. His lips are pressed tight together though and Stiles knows that Derek isn’t telling him something. When he makes to leave Stiles grabs his arm and finds himself pressed against the wall. Maybe Derek was feeling better than he thought. He’s expecting the Sourwolf, scowls and brooding and angry werewolf gnashing of teeth. What he’s not expecting is for Derek to press his nose against Stiles’ neck and breathe out a happy sigh. Derek has his hands wrapped in the fabric of Stiles nightshirt and is snuffling happily at Stiles’ neck. Stiles blinks a few times and then puts his hands on Derek’s back. He feels Derek relax into his touch.
“Derek?”
“Wolfsbane. It–I–”He bites down on his words and rests his temple against Stiles’. Stiles wonders if Derek has time to think about the way Stiles’ heart is beating out of his chest. Probably not. Hopefully not.
“The wolfsbane is messing with you?” Derek nods. “What do you need?” Derek closes his eyes and presses closer to Stiles.
“Scent. Pack scent. Pack.” He whines. Rubbing his cheek against Stiles’
“I’m pack?” Derek growls and tries to press closer, even though it’s kind of impossible. “Okay, Okay, I’m pack. Gosh, why is that something I’m just expected to know?” He sighs and grabs Derek’s shoulders to press him back. Derek whines but doesn’t resist. Stiles locks the door and moves over to the bed.
“I should go.” Derek says again.
“Derek it’s one in the morning. You need pack and I’m already up. Obviously you’re staying here, it’s fine.” Derek opens his mouth to protest but Stiles takes his hand and throws back the covers pulling them both down onto the mattress. Derek goes tense as Stiles maneuvers them onto the bed. Stiles sighs and turns his back to Derek grabbing one of his arms and pulling it around him. Derek eases into their new position and makes a deep rumbling sound that no human could to expresses his contentment. Stiles is acutely aware that he’s spooning with Derek Hale and that said Hale is a werewolf in some drug-induced cuddle-coma, but he feels good having someone at his back. It feels good to have someone’s arm around his waist. Hell the stubble being dragged across the back of his neck is good too. He feels safe in Derek’s embrace. Luckily, he falls asleep before he has too much time to analyze that one.
Derek comes around again sometime in the middle of the night. His face is buried in Stiles’ shoulder and the way his lips brush over the fabric of Stiles’ nightshirt makes his stomach flip. He's never really been so close to Stiles in a situation this calm. He immediately feels bad for coming here, for taking advantage of Stiles even if he’d said it was okay. Stiles is too good a person to have turned Derek out. He starts to pull away. Trying to carefully slide his arm off of Stiles. But Stiles groans in his sleep and tugs a little on Derek’s arm, rolling so he can’t get away as easy. Derek realizes their fingers are still intertwined. He still feels awful but Stiles is grounding him. He can’t find it in himself to let go.
Stiles doesn’t feel guilty until he wakes up. Sleep! He slept gloriously. Why… oh. He pauses in the middle of trying to roll over. There is a heavy and unfairly toned arm still draped across his torso. Stiles yelps a little because, yeah he thought that might have been a dream. Actually wouldn’t have been his first about Derek. (What? Derek is incredibly gorgeous, Stiles isn’t as straight as most people assume, and can you blame a guy?) Only the arm around him is very real. So is the snuggly alpha werewolf it belongs to. He shifts around to wake Derek up but ends up having to stop and stare. The most noticeable difference was the lack of frown between his brows. Everything about him is calmer. He looks beautiful. They kind of beauty that pulls at your gut because you want to embrace it and you need to protect it. Derek’s lips are parted and they reveal his bunny teeth. Their gentleness seems at odds with his dark stubble, but still it makes him no less beautiful. Stiles starts to feel guilty. Derek was kind of vulnerable last night and Stiles has been wishing for someone to hold him for a good few months now. Should he be guilty? Derek would have known if cuddle weirdness was going to happen right? Even if not, it’s not like anything happened…
“You,” Stiles jumps even though Derek is whispering. “Are going to be late for school.”
Stiles’ eyes snap up to Derek’s and then away again before he is lost in the green depth of this man he will never understand. Fortunately his eyes land on the clock and he pops out of bed without a second thought.
“Shit!” He doesn’t have time to take a shower so he goes straight for new clothes. He doesn’t think about changing in front of Derek until he’s buttoning his jeans and by then he just sighs because the damage has been done. He tugs on a shirt and puts his notebooks and his laptop into his backpack before turning around to face Derek. Derek who is still laying in his bed, who is still wearing his clothes, who no longer looks as peaceful as he did just moments ago.
“Are you going to be okay?” Stiles asks. Derek nods tersely and somehow that doesn’t make Stiles feel better.
“Has the wolfsbane worn off?” He asks sitting of the bed and tilting his head. “You aren’t going to attack cuddle anyone today right?”
“That’s not exactly what it did to me…” What?
“What? Explain.” He uses his dalek voice. “Explain. Explaaiinnnnn.”
“The wolfsbane was a mild dosage. It just made me feel sick. Made me nauseas and gave me a fever.”
“So… the scent-marking?” Derek opens his mouth, shuts it and then growls softly. Stiles waits because if Derek is actually willing to tell him what’s going on there is no way he’s going to not listen. School be damned.
“I don’t– I don’t see you.” Derek grits out eventually. As soon as the words are out the werewolf seems to deflate, like that had been really hard for him admit. Stiles doesn’t have a response but that’s okay because Derek goes on. “I’ve never had a pack like this. All of you are so much younger than me and I don’t spend time with you. I don’t know how.” He runs his hands over his face. Stiles’ knows he’s going to be late now. He also can’t find it in himself to care. Derek is trusting him right now. He sure as hell isn’t going to fuck that up. He sets his bag down and sits to let Derek know he should keep talking.
“You can’t understand what it’s like. I don’t think any of them do. I’ve always had a pack and scent marking is normal, sharing space, being together–“ He licks his lips and winces. “It was bad after Laura died but now? As the alpha? I’m going crazy. When I got sick last night it felt ten times worse because I’m so out of sync with my pack. And even the other wolves.” He shakes his head. “They don’t understand, they’ve got each other. They can’t understand.”
Stiles swallows thickly. “Yeah, but I do.” He rasps. “Humans have it too you know. It’s called touch starvation. I get it, I really do.” He hesitates before asking, “Why did you come here?”
“You were closer.” Derek doesn’t sound convinced and Stiles would laugh if it weren’t such a bad time. Derek’s a bad liar sometimes. They both know Boyd lives closest to the preserve. Derek knows he’s been caught in a lie though. “And I trust you the most.” He says casting his eyes away and scrunching his face like it pains him to admit this.
There’s a thick silence then that falls over them. Neither knowing what to do or to say.
“Look,” Stiles says after a beat. “I have to go to school, but we’re going to fix this. For both of us. Will you come by again? Maybe not tonight but soon?” He chances a glance at Derek and catches his eye. “We’re going to have to talk about the hunters that shot you anyway…” Stiles adds. Derek shuts his mouth, which had dropped open a little, and then nods.
“Okay.” Stiles nods and squeezes Derek’s shoulder. “Also, I know it goes without saying but don’t let my dad see you.” He adds before darting out of his room and out of the house.
“What the hell dude?” Scott asks coming up to him after first period. Harrison had been awful to him because he was late but at least he didn’t get detention.
“What?” Stiles asks confused.
“You smell like Derek.” Scott accused.
“He ran into some trouble last night. Crashed at my place.” From Scott’s reaction you’d have thought Stiles said he was out burying bodies with the enemy. That might actually be what he heard… wouldn’t actually be too far of a leap.
“Normal-trouble trouble or our-trouble trouble.”
“Hunters. He was hit with wolfsbane but he’s okay.”
“Hunters?” Stiles noticed he didn’t seem as relieved as he should have at the fact that his alpha was okay.
“We’re going to talk about it later okay? They weren’t even using dangerous or lethal wolfsbane. I think it will be okay. After the Kanima I think we are prepared for the small stuff.”
“When did hunters become small stuff?”
“When werewolves stopped being a fairytale?” The warning bell rings. “Look can we talk about this later.”
“Okay, but we will talk about it.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
Stiles only feels a little bad about avoiding Scott at lunch. He doesn’t want to talk to Scott about the hunters until he’s heard what’s happened from Derek. Scott doesn’t find him out behind the bleachers, but Erica does.
“Batman!”
“Catwoman.” He answers happily closing to book he was reading.
“Heard there was ‘our-trouble trouble’ last night.” They both burst out laughing, because yeah Stiles loves Scott but sometimes he’s the biggest dork. Of course he’s the one that gets bit.
“Is everything okay? Is Derek?” She asks eventually.
“Yeah he’s okay, he still hasn’t told me what happened but I think you guys are safe. The wolfsbane they used wasn’t even dangerous and you guys can hold your own against some run-of-the-mill hunters.”
“Damn right.” She says punching him playfully on the arm (still ow). “You smell like Derek.”
“So I’ve been told.”
“Why?”
“He crashed at my place last night.” She raises her eyebrows and smiles softly.
“Okay. I’m gonna go find Isaac and tell him everything’s good. He seemed a little panicky at the news.” He nods and she gets up and leaves. A few minutes later his phone buzzes.
Derek: Hunters are gone. Talked to Argent and they skipped town a few hours later. Tell the pack?
Stiles: Okay.
Stiles thinks about asking if Derek’s still coming over later but he doesn’t. He doesn’t want Derek to say no.
The rest of the day is long and arduous and after school he has lacrosse practice. Jackson corners him in the locker room.
“Why do you smell like Derek?”
“He crashed at my place last night.” Stiles says angrily because he’s tired of repeating himself.
“What happened?”
“Hunters, non-lethal wolfsbane, hunters skipped town this morning.” Stiles rattles off.
“Where’d they attack?”
“The preserve.”
“Why didn’t he go to Boyd?”
“Why does Derek do anything?” Stiles answers coolly. He hopes Jackson doesn’t pick up on the uptake in his heartbeat. What could he say then? Derek trusts me more than the rest of the pack? There’s no way that wouldn’t come out smug as fuck. He manages to shake Jackson off as the team heads out for practice.
When he gets home it’s kind of late and he sits at his desk to start his homework. He’s starting to drift and he changes his clothes and lies down. He falls asleep fairly easily.
He goes another two days without hearing from Derek. By the third night he’s already back to not sleeping.
“You know, my dads not home. You could have used the front door.”
“Where’s the fun in that?” Derek deadpans as he steps in through the window and Stiles laughs.
“You’re ruining your image Sourwolf. The almighty fearsome alpha of Beacon Hills is a fearsome cuddler and a part time comedian?” Derek rolls his eyes in response and Stiles smiles.
“So, alpha hermit of mine. How movie deprived are you?”
Derek, as it turns out, is not that movie deprived. They end up watching the Clone wars because they both agree it’s the best Star Wars movie. (Look at that Scott even Derek McBroody-pants has seen Star Wars.) Stiles falls asleep on Derek’s shoulder after a while.
Derek knows immediately when Stiles drops off and after that he can’t say he watches much of the movie. Watching Stiles sleep is so much more interesting. He keeps breathing deeply because the scent of Stiles is calming. It grounds him in a way; makes him feel nothing, and separates him from the world. He’s always been bad at meditating but he thinks this is why people do it. Everyone wants to feel this way. Stiles makes him feel this way. He hasn’t stopped thinking about what it felt like to open his eyes and see him there the first thing in the morning bathed in sunlight. He can’t stop thinking that he’s completely and utterly fucked.
He’s always been quick to love but this is insane, right? Stiles was barely eighteen, and Derek was a good six years older than him. Besides that, Scott and Derek still clashed often. One thing Derek was sure of was that Stiles was never going to choose Derek over Scott. Even though they’re technically in the same pack now, there’s really nothing binding them together. A voice in his head says, Stiles could be. He pushes the thought down. Stiles starts to jerk in his sleep and his scent sharpens with fear. Derek’s not sure he wants to wake him up so instead he runs a comforting hand down Stiles’ back and moves him so that he’s lying on Derek’s chest instead of his shoulder. Stiles stills eventually and then Derek can barely hold on before he’s drifting away too. The last thing he thinks as he feels himself falling is that it’s a shame he won’t be able to watch over Stiles.
Stiles wakes up to a knocking on the door.
“Stiles?” his dad calls. “Are you sleeping? It’s time for dinner.”
“What timeisit?” Stiles moans. He’s warm along his front and when he moves to pull the blanket closer around him he wakes up instantly. There is no blanket; there is only Derek Hale. Stiles has a hand full of Derek’s t-shirt and he’s gaping like a fish where his face is settled on his chest. His defense mechanism kicks in and he does what he does best: He flails. Derek start to come to and Stiles stills as soon as their eyes meet.
“Stiles?” His dad is right outside the door now. Derek quickly boards the panic train and rolls out of bed. “Son?”
“Y-yeah dad?”
“Everything okay?” Derek’s pulling on his shoes and both of them are rubbing sleep out of their eyes.
“Yeah just catching up on some sleep. I must’ve passed out when I got home.” Stiles tells him calmly. “I’ll be down in five we can talk dinner okay?”
“Fine, but if I have to wait six minutes and I’m getting the Cowboy pizza.”
“You better not!” Stiles roars and he hears his dad laugh as he retreats down the stairs. He casts his gaze around until he finds Derek hovering by the window. They stare at each other for a minute and then Stiles starts to laugh. It’s a snorting laughter that just builds and builds because he can’t let it out but he wants to. The best part of it though is that Derek is laughing too. He crosses back over to sit on the bed and after awhile their laughter dwindles into manageable snickers and then they’re just sharing smiles.
“We fell asleep.” Stiles says flopping onto his back.
“No shit.” Derek says as he lies carefully beside him. Stiles sticks his tongue out.
“I should go and you should to if you don’t want your dad to get pizza.”
“Nah, he ordered it as soon as he went downstairs.” Derek smirks.
“Yeah he did.” Stiles sighs dramatically. Derek heaves himself of the mattress.
“I’m gonna go.”
“Okay.” Stiles stands and then just… stands because he’d been about to hug Derek or something but he’s not really sure what their relationship (cuddleship?) is right now so he just stands there looking incredibly awkward. He barely notices that Derek is having a similar conundrum just a few feet away. Eventually Derek steps forward and wraps his arms around Stiles quickly before jumping out the window. Stiles manages to roll his eyes because really? How stereotypical Alpha werewolf can Derek get?
He tries not to think about the fact that his skin feels like is fire everywhere that Derek touched him. Tries not to think about how it feels like he’s been wrapped up in Derek so long that his human nose is catching the scent. Tries not to think about how this is probably only the tip of the ice-burg now when it comes to being wrapped up in Derek. He’s so fucked. He takes out his angst chastising his dad about the pizza and angrily making salad.
Their whatever-it-is continues and Stiles is sleeping better than ever. He and Derek make a point of getting together at least once a week and surprisingly once a week is all it takes after the beginning. Stiles is back on a normal sleep schedule and Stiles tries not to get too excited about the fact that he’s heard the pack say Derek hasn’t been so bad lately. Stiles becomes more cognoscente about his showers and the pack doesn’t really notice like they did the first time.
There’s a problem though, and Stiles tries his hardest not to think of this as a star-crossed lovers thing because it’s anything but. The pack is still clearly divided in two. On Scott’s side there’s Alison, Lydia, and Jackson. With Derek there’s Isaac, Erica and Boyd. Stiles knows he should and technically is on Scott’s side but he genuinely wants there to be no sides at all, but he and Derek and maybe Isaac are alone in this.
Apparently though, the universe is not one to wait around for teenagers to get their grudges sorted and thus Beacon Hills ends up with witches. Fucking black cat and pointy hats witches. Stiles wonders when this became his life. Anyway the witches apparently are peaceful and they are actually in town for two reasons. Once is to renew the pact they’d had with the Hale family. Two (and consequently the excuse for the sudden action on one) is that they’ve been chasing a rogue witch through the area. Which is where the dead bodies come in.
Scott doesn’t believe a word from any of them. He thinks they should make the ‘good’ witches leave and chase the rogue on their own. Which wouldn’t be a bad plan except they have no idea how to defeat a witch, or track it for that matter. Derek suggested then that they renew the pact and then they would at least be a part of the witches proceeding without really having to get involved. Not getting involved sounds really nice to Stiles. At any rate Scott and Derek are going at it and in the mean time the rogue keeps dropping bodies. They end up renewing the contract.
There’s a phone ringing and Stiles sleepily gropes around for it. He’s kind of trapped though; somehow Derek is completely on top of him. He wonders vaguely how he was breathing.
“’lo?”
“Stiles?”
“Boyd? What–?” He looks at the phone in his hand and finds that it’s actually Derek’s. Then his phone actually starts to ring and Derek turns around and picks it up.
“Hello?” Stiles shakes his head and exchanges Derek phone for his. “Try again.” He says nudging Derek in the back.
“Hello?”
“Stiles!” Scott practically screams in his ear.
“What? For the love of god, I’m going to be deaf. What time is it?”
“Not important you need to get down to the preserve, the others found the rogue.”
“Stiles get off my arm.” Derek groans getting out of bed and looking around for his shoes. Boyd presumably just told him the same thing as Scott. Stiles sits up too and holds the phone between his neck and his shoulder groping around for his shoes.
“What is it doing?”
“Who was that?”
“It’s Stiles.” Boyd tells Scott.
“What!?” Scott erupts on Stiles’ end.
“Scott focus,” Stiles groans. “Please. What is it doing?”
“Nothing yet, the other witches concealed our presence or some shit. One of them will be waiting for you too and when you get here we just act as their back up as per the contract.”
“Okay we’ll be there as soon as we can.”
“WE?” Stiles hangs up. He finishes pulling on his shoes and looks at Derek.
“Jeep or Camaro?”
“Definitely Camaro.”
The witch stuff goes down with out any problems that the pack had to deal with. The coven leaves town hooray and shit. Scott happens to be the real problem.
“What the hell is going on with you and Derek?” He asks as soon as they pull away in his mom’s car. He’d refused to let Derek take him back home.
“Nothing. We’re friends man.”
“Friends?” Scott spits the words. “Since when?”
“For a while. You know he saves me, I save him, we all went through some shit. Not to mention he’s pack. The Alpha actually. Why are you so upset about this?”
“Friends that share a bed?”
“Where do you want him to go?”
“Home!”
“Ugh Scott!” Stiles rubs his eyes.
“You answered his phone.”
“Yup.”
“And he answered yours!”
“Yup.”
The car goes thick with silence for a time and the Scott says in a rush.
“Iwouldn’tcareifyouweregay.”
“Scott what are you talking about?” Stiles asks tiredly.
“You know I wouldn’t care if you were gay.” Stiles huffs a laugh.
“I’m not gay.” Stiles says patiently. “And I know that’s not the issue. If you really want to get into it right now, I’m bisexual. I’ve known since the beginning of the school year.”
“And you didn’t tell me!?” Scott cries.
“I’m sorry buddy. We’ve been a little preoccupied!”
“How did you not tell me?”
“You got bit by a fucking werewolf. We. Had. Bigger. Problems.”
“I would have listened.” Scott protests weakly.
“Yeah right.” Stiles snorts. “At the time no one was even hearing my correct theories about what we were up against and would wouldn’t snap to attention to anything that didn’t pertain to Alison.”
Scott’s face falls and Stiles is quick to amend. “Look Scott I don’t blame you. She’s great and you guys are great together. We had stuff going down. Danny did the job of taking me to jungle to make sure it was for real. Life didn’t change all that much alright?”
“What’s going on with you and Derek?”
“Nothing Scott.” Stiles says plunking his head against the cool glass of the car window.
“Stiles.” Scott pushes.
“You’d know if I were lying. I’m not lying.”
“So there’s nothing going on.”
“Nope.”
“But you want there to be?” Stiles sighs out but Scott doesn’t let him answer. “Derek is bad news Stiles. You can’t trust him.” Stiles laughs out, sharp and bitter.
“And tell me Scott,” He says looking at him. “How would you know? Huh? You’re gonna hate on Derek, fine. That’s a personal choice. But before you go around telling me who I can and can’t hang out with maybe you should have the slightest fucking idea about who they are. Derek is a good person and just because he’s bad with people and doesn’t come off the leader you envision doesn’t mean he’s ever done anything other than help you. Help us.” He’s all worked up and when the stop at the next stop sign they’re still a couple blocks from the house but Stiles unbuckles is seat belt and tumbles out of the car anyway.
“Stiles!” Scott rolls down the window. “Get back in the car.”
“I’m not your agitated date Scott. I’m pissed so just go. I need to cool off.” Stiles starts walking and Scott hasn’t any other choice but to drive away. He kicks a rock into the street and listens to it roll away. He puts up his hood because it’s cold and he walks home in the yellow streetlight. He knows he’s being irrational… maybe. Ugh this is what he’d been hoping to void: Conflict between Derek and Scott. He’s not angry at Scott for being all over protective and pissed because Scott is making him chose. And in that choice that should be ridiculously simple Stiles is being forced to confront his array of feeling for the stupidest grouchiest alpha that ever existed.
Fuck.
He gets home and rolls into bed committed to not thinking about it. Unfortunately the bed is too big and too cold and Stiles sleeps restlessly instead.
Derek gets home and goes straight to his bed. Even though he’s only away from it one day a week at most it feels like its been disused. It feels hard and uncomfortable. He and Boyd had had an uncomfortable and majorly non-verbal conversation about him and stiles in which Derek learned that his pack (Isaac, Erica, and Boyd) all thought that him and Stiles were fuck buddies or something. He quickly denounced the notion but Boyd also made it clear that he didn’t think that what they had was nothing. Derek hadn’t been in the mood to talk about it. Only, as soon as he got home he realized that wasn’t quite true. This was a lot of foreign emotion for him to handle and he needed to get it out of his system but he couldn’t really do that without admitting that he liked stiles so who could he talk to? Or rather, who could he talk to that wouldn’t out him immediately? He could only think of one person and even they would be a risk.
He sends a text pulls out his computer and opens Skype. It’s two in the morning in Beacon Hills but it’s seven in Brazil and Cora’s an early riser.
“Derek!” He smiles despite how he feels. He misses his sister a lot.
“Cora, how are you?”
“I’m great!” She launches into a story about her and her pack running on the last full moon and how she and her boyfriend have been doing and her waitressing job and how boring it is. She eventually runs out of breath and really looks at Derek. She looks at him and must check the time and come to the conclusion that something’s wrong.
“Der it’s gotta be what? 2am? What’s wrong?” He shakes his head avoiding what’s bothering him even though that’s why he really called.
“I was up already. We had some witch drama I had to deal with.”
“Derek that’s not why you called. Talk to me, what’s up.” Derek licks his lips nervously.
“It’s been a long time since Kate.” He starts with. Cora looks confused.
“Yeah?”
“When it was still Laura and I she made me go out sometimes. Guys and girls that I didn’t really have a desire to get to know or anything. I haven’t actually had any kind of real relationship since her.”
“Derek why are you telling me this?”
“Because I haven’t wanted another relationship since then. Except I do now. And I don’t know… anything.”
“Aww Derek. And you called your sister?” She’s smiling at him and he returns it lightly.
“Who else am I supposed to call?”
“You mean at 2am?”
“I meant at all.” He sticks his tongue at her.
“So who is it?” He looks down at his hands.
“So yeah there’s another reason I called you specifically.” He admits.
“Derek? Who is it?”
“Stiles?” He draws out the name and instead of a statement it comes out a question. Cora spews her coffee.
“WHAT?” she screeches in a high pitch. He hears someone come out and check on Cora with concern that she waves away hastily.
“Really? Oh my god. That’s so fricken exciting! He’s so cute! I didn’t know he was you’re type. He talks way too much. But I guess he’s really smart and you’re really smart. That and you’ve both got trust issues. It’s a good match now that I’m thinking about it. Wait does he know?”
“No! God no, why isn’t this a disaster to you? He’s barely legal and I’m- well I’m just me and that’s never served anyone well.”
“You stop that right now. He’d be lucky to have you. God this is exciting! How long have you liked him?” Derek looks down again. “Derek? Did the screen freeze?” He shakes his head.
“It’s- it’s been a while.”
“How long’s a while?”
“A couple of… years.”
“Derek!”
“I know! It’s horrible.”
“So you’re in love with Stiles, it’s no big deal.”
“I didn’t say I’m in love with him.” Derek defends.
“Years, Derek? And admitting it out loud? And wanting a real relationship? And agonizing over it at 2am? And-”
“Okay! Okay, just, stop. Stop. Ugh why did I tell you anything? Now I know I’m in love with him and I’m never going to be able to go back there.”
“Wait go back where?” when he hesitates she yells, “Derek!” and he sighs and tells her about the mutual touch starvation and the arrangement they’ve had and for how long. Her mouth drops as he talks and eventually he just trails off as he notices her expression.
“What?”
“Are you shitting me right now?”
“No?”
“You’re sleeping in his bed?”
“Yeah.”
“And he let’s you?”
“Yes.”
“And you don’t think you have a shot?” he makes a shrugging motion and shakes his head as if to say, isn’t that obvious?
“You’re an idiot.”
“I know.”
“Want my advice?”
“I thought I did. But I’ve already lost all control of this situation so you might as well.”
“Talk to Stiles.” Derek makes a very mature whining noise and hits his fist on the couch. Cora laughs and Derek smiles at her ruefully.
“I’m gonna go. Good luck Der Bear.”
“Love you.”
“Love you too.” He sighs and flops on his bed and falls asleep so that he doesn’t have to think about stiles anymore.
Stiles didn’t really cool down. He grits his teeth when he goes into school the next day knowing that he’s going to have to face Scott and he’s just not wanting to deal with it. He feels like shit and he didn’t sleep at all. He spent most of the night crying because he realized last night, that against all odds, he fucking fell for Derek Hale. And his best friend is going to hate him for it, oh god.
Scott finds him at his locker and he looks sad and apologetic. He takes one breath thought and he can probably tell that Stiles is a wreck. He should have showered he probably smells all salty from crying.
“Stiles-”
“Scott.” He slams his locker shut. “I can’t today okay. I just- I can’t”
“Stiles.” Scott sounds so hurt but Stiles isn’t up for the emotional conversations and shit just yet so even if he feels bad for it he just slams the locker shut and hurries off to class. He avoids Scott the entire day and he hides in his Jeep for lunch. He practically runs out of the building when the final bell rings. He wonders if Derek is going to come around tonight.
Derek is putting on his shoes to go to Stiles’ when there’s a knock on the door. A pounding really, maybe like passive aggressive knocking. So he’s not all that surprised when he opens the door to a brooding Scott.
“Hi.” Scott says looking uncomfortable.
“Hi?”
“Were you going somewhere?”
“It can wait. Do you want to come inside?”
“Sure.” Scott bites his lips. Derek can smell the anxiety rolling off of him in waves, anxiety and determination. Scott looks like he’s got something to say but he hasn’t said a word yet. Derek goes to the kitchen.
“Do you want anything?”
“No I’m fine. I’m not staying long I just came to say some stuff.” Derek nods but doesn’t press him. He learned a long time ago that Scott reacts viscerally to pressure. Derek saves in for times of emergency.
“I’m sorry.” Scott blurts out.
“For what?”
“For… I don’t know. Everything I guess. Listen I know I’m kind of stubborn and unreasonable sometimes, especially in the face of the supernatural drama that’s been dropped on my head. I blamed you in the beginning, when I was bit. Even though it wasn’t you who bit me, for a long time you were the only one I had to blame and even when you weren’t I just kept on blaming you. It was a mistake, and I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay.” Derek said for lack of anything else to say.
“It really isn’t. I know that there’s a rift in out pack because of me. I just didn’t trust you so I’ve never really been part of your pack have I? But I’ve been wrong about you and I know that now. I know that you’ve been trying and that you probably didn’t even want to be the alpha. I’m sorry that I’ve probably missed out on any type of trust or friendship from you but I’m ready to try and be a pack if you still want.” Scott gave him a hopeful grin and Derek had to swallow down past the lump in his throat.
“I’d like that.” Scott’s smile turned blinding. “Can I ask what changed?” Derek asked after a beat.
“I guess I finally bad mouthed you one time too many. Stiles put me back in my place like he knows how. He’s never wrong about people you know? He can read them really well. He told me you were a good person and that I needed to stop. He was so mad he got out of the car and he hasn’t talked to me at all today. At that point I realized I had fucked up pretty royal.” He gave Derek a rueful smile. Derek forced his mind to skip over every indication that Stiles cared about him. It was enough to make his heart melt and he needed to keep it together.
“Not as badly as you might think.”
“Dude, I’ve been awful to you.”
“I’ve had far worse. My skin is thicker than that.” Derek gives him a fond half smile. “If you’re serious we can start bring the pack together. And having another friend would be fine by me.”
“Damn you really are awesome.” Scott says running a hand over his face. Derek laughs.
“I wouldn’t go that far.”
“Nah you are. No wonder you’ve been so good for Stiles.” Derek doesn’t say anything. “So I probably don’t need to give you a speech or anything, but you all this heart to heart shit will go down the drain if you hurt him.”
“Scott I’d never hurt him.”
“I’m starting to get that. But it’s my duty as best friend to threaten the newbies anyway and I’ve never gotten to do it so leave me alone.”
“What do you mean?”
“Are you telling me you’ve never had the boyfriend speech?”
“Well seeing as the last girlfriend I had burned down my house… Anyway Stiles and I we’re not like that.”
“But you want to be.” Scott says. It’s not a question. Derek opens his mouth to protest but Scott just smiles and says, “So where exactly were you going?”
“Uhhh…” Derek sucked at lying.
“It’s okay man.” Scott says standing. “I think he needs you.” He says seriously. He claps Derek on the shoulder and shows himself out. Derek stands there frozen for a time and eventually he has to shake his head clear before swiping his keys off the counter and starting the walk to Stiles’
Stiles doesn’t know why he locked his window. Not now that he’s watched at least five hours of Supernatural and it hurts when he blinks because his eyes are so try and his movements are languid with exhaustion. He’ll have to go and get some Monsters the next day if he plans on pushing Derek out of his life so he doesn’t have to deal with his emotions. He’d gotten a text from Scott earlier that read simply: Don’t panic.
He’d responded with: What are we having a Hitchhikers appreciation moment?
He didn’t get a reply. It had calmed him down though. He figured Scoot understood that today was just Stiles needing some space and that they were of course the best of bros.
He put on his sad romance playlist. It calmed him too because he hadn’t really had to listen to it since he’d gotten over the angelic Lydia Martin. He turns it up because his dad’s working a late shift tonight. He’s singing along tiredly to Maroon 5’s Maps when the tapping starts.
I was there for you
In your darkest times
I was there for you
In your darkest nights
But I wonder where were you?
When I was at my worst
Down on my– ahhh
He jolts so hard he falls off the bed. He officially rues locking his window. He pulls himself off the floor and opens the window letting Derek in.
“I didn’t think you’d come tonight.”
“I think your singing tipped me off to that.” Derek said with a small smile. He motioned with his chin for Stiles to come closer. It wasn’t an unfamiliar gesture. Derek liked to bury his nose in Stiles’ neck and inhale his scent. It was a werewolf thing. Despite his plans to cut Derek out he couldn’t help himself and, after a slight hesitation, he stepped forward into Derek’s arms. Derek pulled him close and Stiles’ hands were curled on his chest. He dropped his head forward onto Derek’s chest and tried to repress his shiver when Derek’s stubble scrapped over his cheek as he pressed his nose to Stiles’ neck. Derek sighed contentedly and they just stood there for a while. Stiles knew somehow that something had changed. He though it might have been his own realization but that wasn’t it. Derek was quieter than usual and tenser to. God when had he learned to read him like this?
“What’s wrong?” He chances asking.
“Nothing’s wrong.” Derek murmurs. “Scott came to talk to me.” Stiles startles and reels back to look Derek in the face.
“What? What did he say? Do I need to kick his ass? Or did you kill him? Oh god! Derek did you kill him?” Derek laughs softly.
“No he, um apologized. For how he’s treated me. And he told me about how you defended me yesterday.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.” Stiles didn’t back up far enough and their faces are too close together. Stiles wouldn’t have to lean far to be kissing Derek. It wasn’t the first time they’d been in such intimate positions but it felt different. He finds himself staring at Derek’s mouth.
“Stiles.” Derek whispers.
“Yeah?” he swallows hard.
“Your heart’s going crazy.”
“I know.” Derek laughs and it’s no sounds and just air. He rests his forehead against Stiles’
“If you were trying for a star wars reference, you should’ve waited for me to say I love you.”
“I–” Derek brushes their noses together as he looks Stiles in the eye.
“Stiles, I love y–” Stiles surges forward and cuts off the end of his sentence by kissing Derek. It’s messy and desperate on both sides. Stiles can’t get his arms free and Derek can’t stop smiling. Derek picks Stiles up and sets him on the bed. He kicks of his shoes and climbs up after him, rolling so that he has Stiles on top of him. They kiss, happy and uncoordinated until they are content to simply hold one another.
“Derek?” Stiles says when they’re almost asleep, having wrapped them up in all the blankets in a makeshift cocoon.
“Hmm?” Derek rumbles in response. He rubs his fingers across the top of Stiles’ hand.
“I do love you.” Derek smiles and turns him until he can capture Stiles’ lips in another kiss.
“I know.” He says just to be an ass.
“Oh my god.” Stiles laughs and kisses him again as if it’s some sort of revenge.
Stiles settles down against Derek. He knows that the best sleep he’ll ever get is in Derek’s arms, but he’s almost too excited, too happy to sleep. When he finally drifts off he’s got a smile on his face.
You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
–Dr. Seuss