Work Text:
it was an average day for manfred von karma. in the morning, he had gotten out of bed, put on his usual three layers of clothing, stretched, gone down to breakfast (fancy eggs and fancy toast), gone back upstairs, removed his three layers of clothing, taken a shower, put all three layers back on, brushed his teeth for 5 minutes, brushed his hair for 40 minutes, applied hairgel, washed his hands, took fifteen minutes to decide between five almost identical pairs of earrings, put in the earrings, done his makeup, looked at himself in the mirror for much longer than necessary, and finally returned downstairs.
it was now almost noon, and his daughter franziska von karma was waiting for him.
"papa, you took almost a minute less than usual getting ready," franziska von karma said to manfred von karma. "is something wrong?"
"no," said manfred von karma. "i did not need to spend as much time on my hair as usual, because when i woke up this morning it was already perfect."
franziska von karma and manfred von karma proceeded to do a high-five and fistbump combination of the sort one might see teenagers do.
afterwards, franziska von karma thought worriedly for a second about how that would imply that manfred von karmas hair was not usually perfect.
"papa, would that not imply that your hair was not usually perfect?" she said, in a worried-sounding tone of voice.
"franziska von karma you are my daughter and i love you but you really need to not say things like that because you sound like gregory edgeworth," manfred von karma replied. (even though gregory edgeworth was altogether too polite to say something like that out loud, we will pretend what franziska von karma said sounded like something gregory edgeworth would say.)
just as manfred von karma spoke the name 'gregory edgeworth', there was a knock at the door.
"dang and blast it, i bet that is gregory edgeworth here as we speak," complained manfred von karma.
"i will get the door," said franziska von karma, going to get the door.
"no wait-" said manfred von karma. but it was too late. the door had already been got.
"hello miles edgeworth," said franziska von karma. it was the first time in this continuum of online literature anyone had ever called miles by miles' entire name. also it was not gregory edgeworth at the door after all, in an anticlimactic discovery.
"hello franziska von karma. hello manfred von karma," said miles. "i am here because my father, gregory edgeworth, asked me to ask franziska von karma to ask manfred von karma if he would perhaps like to go for tea sometime this afternoon. also it is afternoon now, so that would mean going for tea now."
franziska von karma heard all this and nodded. then she turned to manfred von karma and started to say "excuse me, miles said that gregory edgeworth said-"
"i am right here and heard all of that conversation," said manfred von karma.
"oh," said franziska von karma. "well would you like to go?"
"no," said manfred von karma. and then he went.
when he arrived at the tea-having location, manfred von karma saw gregory edgeworth sitting at a small table with two chairs. he assumed that one of the chairs was for him, because gregory edgeworth had invited him to the tea place. manfred von karma walked to the table and sat in the unoccupied chair.
"hello gregory edgeworth. i am not here because i wanted to have tea with you. i am here because i did not want to have tea with you and felt like proving your probable conclusion that i would reject your proposal wrong," said manfred von karma.
gregory edgeworth considered this. "okay," he said.
they sat there for a while because the waiter had not yet come to get their order and there is not much to do at a dining venue when the waiter has not yet come to get your order. finally manfred von karma said what everyone has been thinking this whole time.
"gregory edgeworth, you have a dudebro hat and your fashion sense is despicable," manfred von karma said.
"well i never," responded gregory edgeworth, in a sort of semi-shocked voice.
"well, its true, and after this i am taking you to an expensive shopping site and buying you better clothes," said manfred von karma.
"all right," said gregory edgeworth.
when they went to do that, gregory edgeworth sat in the drivers seat of his car. manfred von karma, who had called a tow truck to bring his own car back to his house, sat in the passengers seat. he would have sat in the back seat but he liked to be near a window. it was not because he wanted to sit next to gregory edgeworth, at all.
then they arrived at the shopping mall. it was full of people and noises and children screaming. manfred von karma did not enjoy being there, but he steeled himself and led gregory edgeworth to the clothing section in the name of fashion.
"excuse me is this the most expensive place for clothes buying in this entire mall?" asked manfred von karma of the desk person.
"it sure is," replied the desk person.
"good," said manfred von karma, and began shopping.
gregory edgeworth, who had been waiting outside, saw manfred von karma return with a large amount of bags. "do you need me to carry some of those?" gregory edgeworth asked, politely.
manfred von karma frowned and said, "no because i dont need your help and also you are going to try all of these on right now."
"okay," said gregory edgeworth. and then he went to a changing room and did so.
when gregory edgeworth exited the changing room, he was, indeed, changed. by that i mean his clothes were changed. no important aspects of his body or character had been changed. it was just his clothes.
"well, how do i look?" said gregory edgeworth. he looked like he was wearing a fancy green coat with fancy black cuffs over a fancy white shirt with lots of frills, and pants that matched the coat. the pants would have been frilly too but manfred von karma was not able to find frilly pants. he was also wearing a top hat.
"there are mirrors in the changing room, gregory edgeworth. you know how you look," said manfred von karma.
gregory edgeworth shrugged. "i wanted to know how i look in your opinion," he said.
"i dont have any opinion on how you look. i am not invested in your appearance. what you look like is of no concern to me," said manfred von karma in a manner that would suggest he secretly felt the opposite of all the things he had just said.
"okay," said gregory edgeworth.
in the end, manfred von karma bought gregory edgeworth all the clothes except the top hat, because it looked unfamiliar and weird. he also bought himself more frilly clothes. gregory edgeworth never actually wore any of the clothes that had been purchased except on occasions when he had to be extremely fancy, like weddings, or franziska von karmas birthday party. and even then he felt somewhat ridiculous. manfred von karma, however, did not think that gregory edgeworth looked ridiculous. he was probably the only person in the world with that opinion.
the end