Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

You feel as though your life is in danger. Your eyes race across the words, written in beautiful handwriting, perfect handwriting. Your heart beats out of your chest. You don't want to lower the paper. You know what lies behind it. Your fingers won't stop trembling. The note shakes in your hands. Your tears stain it. The ink bleeds. You fall down, your arms unable to steady themselves.

You see her. Her face is without expression. She hangs from the tree by a jump rope. She sways gently in the wind. Why did she feel like she deserves this? You love her, and she loved you. Did she think you hate her? You could never hate her... you love her.

You hear footsteps from behind you. Someone gasps in horror.

"M-Mari?" a male voice says, its pitch quivering uncontrollably, "She... oh my God..."

You're in too much shock to even acknowledge that there's another person with you. Your mind cannot perceive them; you are huddled in the fetal position. You enter an empty, white room in your mind. This isn't happening. None of this is real. It is all a dream.

"Mari... no..." the voice says, "Mari... wouldn't have done this... any of this..."

Someone walks closer to you.

"She... she just... needs some rest..." it says, "She... can't be... Sunny, help me... she... just needs to lie down..."

You open your eyes, your vision hazy. You hear something rip and tear. You see SOMETHING fall from the tree, landing into someone's arms.

"Grab... her legs... Sunny..." the voice says.

You pick up the black-haired girl's legs and begin carrying her inside. She seems much lighter... someone... must be carrying her with you. You walk up the stairs. The girl's face seems so peaceful. Yes, she... she just needs to sleep. You walk up into your room and lay her down on her bed. Is it "her" bed? You don't know who this person is. Your head feels fuzzy. Who's with you? This isn't real. None of this real. Why won't you wake up?

You reach out to touch the strange girl's hand. It is cold. This person—whoever they are—is not breathing. You are crying profusely. You killed her. What? Who did you kill? You're not sure, but you know it was your fault. It must have something to do with that piece of paper you had read. You should've gone after her when she ran to the backyard. You shouldn't've made her stress worse by being such a horribly disobedient little brother. You should've just practiced together, despite how much you hate doing that. If you had only just kept quiet, this wouldn't have happened. She killed herself and it's all your fault.

"It's... all my fault..." you say, "All my fault... she wouldn't've killed herself... if I... had just... kept quiet... it's all my fault... it's all my fault..."

You repeat those words like a mantra. You hear panicked breathing coming from behind you.

"Everyone... everyone would be so horrified if they found out..." the voice says, "Mari... I can't believe she... no, they can't know... our friends would be devastated... God, I could never do that to them..."

Someone grabs you by the shoulders.

"Sunny, don't worry," they say, "This... it doesn't have to be like this. You can help them."

The person looks around, from you, then to the mysterious girl.

"Mari... wouldn't've done this..." someone says, "She was so kind... so... happy... Mari... was so happy... she didn't look stressed... she's a good person... she wouldn't do something like that... it... my eyes must've been playing tricks on me. It couldn't be true. She wouldn't..."

"It's all my fault..." you reply, "I should've stayed quiet..."

"You did this..." someone replies.

"It's all... my fault..." you say.

"Yeah... you..." someone seems to get an idea, "You... did this. Mari didn't kill herself, it was... just an accident. Just a horrible accident. Mari wouldn't've done this. It... must have been you. It was an accident. You... you killed her."

"I... killed Mari?" you say, "I... killed Mari."

"Don't worry, Sunny," the person says, "You can help them. Mari didn't kill herself. It was just an accident. Come on, Sunny... grab... her arms..."

You do as the voice directs you to. The girl's long black hair falls over your shoulders. She is once again far lighter to carry than you would've assumed. You just look up at the ceiling. You tell yourself that this is all a dream. You stand at the top of the staircase, holding the girl horizontally.

"It was all an accident..." someone says, "You... got into an argument with Mari, and... you pushed her down the stairs. It was just a silly accident... it could've happened to anyone... right, Sunny?"

You can't respond. You just stare up at the ceiling lights. Even as you feel the weight leave your hands, even as you hear the sound of something hitting wood, you don't look away. Your head feels fuzzy again. You bite your tongue and attempt to wake up one last time, but it’s no use... You’re still here. Your head slowly turns down. For a moment, you begin to feel relief. Right... it... was just an accident. Mari wasn't stressed or suicidal. She was happy, she was perfect, and you killed her. It was just an accident. Nobody would have to know what actually happened. You would take the blame so that nobody else would have to suffer. You can help them.

You feel a cold hand clutch yours. You try to jerk away, but it squeezes back, unwilling to let you go. The hand drags you down the stairs, into the doorway of the living room as you step over SOMETHING. You look up and see him for the first time. Hero. You see the tears falling from his tired eyes as he looks at the corpse lying at the bottom of the staircase. You suddenly realize that none of this is a dream. All of this is real.

Suddenly, Hero stops. You look up at his eyes... but this time, they’re wide awake, staring at SOMETHING. You turn your eyes toward it as well, though you wish you didn’t. An eye meets yours. Your heart sinks into your stomach. You shouldn’t have looked back... You just... shouldn’t... have looked...