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Silva doesn’t remember when his love for Kikyo disappeared, he’d never really thought about it, but around about the time Kalluto was born he remembers something feeling different, like the connection him and his wife once shared became weaker, and it had only dissolved more over the years. That was ten years ago and as each day went by Kikyo felt like more and more of a stranger to him, they hardly talked outside of work and he’d be lucky if she’d show him some kind of emotion, but the same could be said for him.
Silva sometimes wonders if Kikyo feels the same way, wonders if she thinks the interest he held when they first met was still there, still lingering in his heart, but when he sees her rushing around the mansion shouting at everyone in her path the thoughts retract and disappear like they’d never passed through his mind.
When Silva was young and training under his father to inherit the family business he once heard someone say “romance is dead” but never understood those words until now, when he first met Kikyo he thought life couldn’t get any better, she was beautiful in his eyes and every other woman he saw after her didn’t even compare, it got to a point where whenever he’d lay his head at night his thoughts were clouded by her face, her smile, the way she spoke, the way she walked, and when he finally mustered up the courage to ask her out on a date, and she said yes, Silva felt like that was all he needed to survive; her love.
But it seemed like none of that mattered now.
Over a period of 24 years they’ve produced 5 beautiful children that Silva undoubtedly loved very much, however, the love he once felt for his wife was fading, and although he’d never show it, it pained him.
o0o
The most interaction Silva has with Kikyo is at night, when they both go to bed, their bedroom design is based around passion, and the walls are blood red to feed their romance, except there is none, and as embarrassing as it sounds Silva can’t recall the last time he and Kikyo were intimate, their marriage lacked the warmth most marriages held.
He’d long given up trying to woo her, once upon a time Silva had made an effort to look nice for Kikyo, to kiss her out of the blue to remind her of his undying love and to act cliché and brush all of her office documents on the floor and suggest they feed their urges on the desk whilst the children were playing in the garden with Mike but those days were over now, she doesn’t even kiss him goodnight anymore and sometimes, when Kikyo has laid down and turned her back against him he looks at the back of her head, wondering where it all went wrong.
o0o
“We need to talk”
Silva looks up from his book and stares at his wife’s angry expression, his reading glasses rest on his nose and before he can offer her a seat next to him Kikyo slams the door shut and stomps over to the leather chair in the corner, next his now awake dog.
“I agree”
A part of Silva was glad he didn’t have to search for Kikyo himself, despite his looks he wasn’t one for confrontations, he’d rather ignore it until the problem went away, which it normally did, however, this was one problem Silva knew he couldn’t avoid.
He watches Kikyo pat his dog with a small smile on her face and it made his heart skip a beat, its little things like that that Silva misses, and seeing Kikyo whisper compliments to his dog and smile almost reminds him why he fell in love with her in the first place.
He clears his throat and Kikyo’s looking at him after that, her electronic eye whirling over his frame as if to detect anything out of the norm.
“What would you like to talk about?” Silva asks and removes his glasses from his face.
He has a few things he wants to say also but figures he’ll let Kikyo say her peace first.
“It’s about Killua”
Silva was halfway through resting his book down when he stops midway, she wanted to talk… about their son?
“Killua?” he repeats; just to confirm and Kikyo nods.
“I’m not sure how much more of this teenage rebellion I can take”
Silva wasn’t even listen, not when his heart was currently resting in his gut, his wife, the once all to his everything, came here to talk about their son. How stupid he was. He sighed once and placed the book down and stood from his seat, this was a classic example of stupidity he bears, whenever Kikyo approaches him there’s always a glimmer of hope that she’ll walk over to him, sit on his lap and apologise for the years of neglect she had done, but that was never the case, it would be laughable if it didn’t make Silva so dead inside.
“Silva? Where are you going? We haven’t finished”
His hand is on the door knob already, pulling it open so he could walk out but not before he looks over his shoulder and throws his wife a look that he hopes she understands, one that says “I feel like I’m losing you day by day”
“I need to think” he replies and walks out of his study, leaving Kikyo annoyed and perplexed.
o0o
Silva felt like there was no real reason to talk to his father about his problems, although he knew Zeno was always there for him he liked to see it as he was an adult and should be able to handle things when they got a little rough, however, whilst he’d at this dead end, Silva sees no other option.
They’re walking through the garden side by side in silence, Silva can see Mike wandering around the forest, searching for danger and the heavy stomping of the monsters footsteps are the only thing that can be heard echoing throughout.
Zeno is waiting for Silva to reveal why he invited him out on this walk, normally his son couldn’t wait to get away from him, so it came as a shock when Silva asked him to accompany him through the yard.
“What a beautiful day” Zeno says, a poor attempt to shoo away the dark cloud that’s floating over their heads.
“Mike seems energetic today, don’t you think so?” Silva doesn’t reply so Zeno sighs.
“My son-“he starts; his hands remain behind his back as usual. “Why don’t you tell me the real reason we’re out here”
It takes Zeno a few seconds to realise Silva had stopped walking and when he turn to face him he saw the gentle breeze flowing through his wavy locks and was looking towards the sky, like he was calling out to a higher being to answer his prays and confusion.
“My feelings for Kikyo are fading” Silva says simply, no emotion blessed his voice.
“I’d seen it coming but I didn’t expect it to happen so soon”
He can hear the crunch of the grass under Zeno’s feet as the elder slowly walks towards his son, he feels a hand on his well-toned arm and when he finally faces his father the pain that washes his face would have been enough to make any other person cry their heart out.
Not Silva though. His tears are long dried up.
Zeno could understand his son, he was an old man who had done a lot in his time, he could understand where he was coming from, but that didn’t stop him from feeling the same emotions his son was feeling currently. He only wanted happiness in his sons life and the fact that he was going through this heartache, despite how deadpan his features remained, Zeno knew under that hard man exterior a human heart was still beating, and just like any other human there was a certain amount of love and affection he craved, one that he was afraid Kikyo could no longer provide.
o0o
When people are stressed sometimes they turn to alcohol or cigarettes to sooth them, others take up reading or writing to pour out their feelings, it was relaxing for some and a nuisance for others, Silva always found meditating calming, it always brought him back to earth after he’d finished but unfortunately after three hours of concentration he’d come to realise it wasn’t working, maybe it was because he was that stressed out he couldn’t get in the zone, or there was too much on his mind, or maybe it was the aura he was feeling by his study door that was breaking his flow.
“Can I help you dear? He asks without opening his eyes; knowing exactly who it was.
He feels the person come closer to his form and stop in the middle of the room, watching the way he performed his meditation and when he opened his eyes he sees Kikyo standing there in a new dress that he’s more than sure dented their shared bank account.
“Are you ready to talk about our son?” she asks and Silva closes his eyes once more.
“Which one?”
He hears her sigh and then the click of her heels against the floorboard before the sofa he’s sitting on dips from the opposite end.
“Killua” she says and Silva inhales a breath.
“Are you ready to talk about us?”
He cracks an eye open and watches her face change to confusion; eyebrows knitted and lips curved into a frown.
“What about us?” she asks and if Silva was one to laugh openly it would have been the perfect time.
He sighs and opens both his eyes and turns to face his wife, 30 years ago when he looked at her his heart pounded and his palms became clammy but now, when he looks at her now, he feels none of that.
“Kikyo” he only wished he could see her eyes like he used to, to see the lies that danced behind those once pure irises.
“We’ve been married a very long time; please… save us both the hassle”
He couldn’t read Kikyo face, not when so many emotions were running through it at one time; Silva could feel his throat drying up at the confrontation, the unsaid words that lingered in the air.
“Ther- there’s nothing wrong with-“
“Yes there is”
He wasn’t sure what hurt more, the fact that Kikyo could suggest that their marriage was fine or the fact that he could see the lies on her face and she was trying to deny it all, it almost made his heart clench.
“You know as well as I do there’s something wrong”
They sit in silence for a while with only the thunderous snoring of Silva’s dog keeping the room alive, Silva’s eyes never leave his wife’s electronic ones whilst she tried her hardest to look everywhere but him, he wanted to slid next to her and place his hand on her jaw, to turn to slight so he could once again observe all the perfect features he’d fallen in love with, to see her face soft again and not supporting the menacing scowl she’s always displaying. He missed it. He missed the Kikyo he use to know.
“Do you…” Kikyo starts with a voice on the verge of breaking. “Has your love for me passed?”
Now it’s Silva’s turn to be silence, purely because he didn’t know how to answer her question, and with every second that ticked by the atmosphere in the room got more tense, and it was beginning to suffocate him.
“Please answer me”
Silva sighed and looked at the ground, his large hands tangling within themselves as he takes another deep breath and exhales.
“You know I love you Kikyo, very much, but you can’t deny there’s something missing”
“You can’t deny the spark we once had is no longer there” Silva wants to voice but can’t bring myself to say it, he can feel Kikyo is on the verge of tears, threatening to cry for the both of them and from the corner of his eye he sees her raise her hand to her mouth and cough out a choked sob, a sound that pierced his heart like an inflamed arrow.
He turns to say something, anything to make it better but it was at that moment Kikyo stood from the chair and walked towards the door, and Silva let her, knowing anything he said would just insult her further.
It took a lot to frighten Silva, as an assassin he has to be on his toes at all times, even when he is home, but the pained cry that ran through the mansion like demons of the night frightened him like nothing has before, he felt it deep in his soul, the distressed weeps of his significant other terrified him more than any monster or killer he’d ever come across.
o0o
After talking to Milluki about his mother’s whereabouts he found Kikyo in their room lying on the bed still weeping with their youngest son Kalluto by her side, it was a heart breaking sight to see, the last time he’d seen Kikyo cry was when he proposed to her, nearly 30 years ago.
When Kalluto looked towards him sadly he signalled for him to leave and didn’t take a seat until the door was fully closed.
“Kikyo…” in all honesty he wasn’t expecting an answer but calling out to his wife seemed like the best idea, so she’d know he was near.
He sat on the edge of the bed and pulled Kikyo’s limp body up with one arm to cradle her, Silva didn’t mind that her face was currently buried in his neck and her tears were wetting his skin, it was the least of his worries.
He hushed her until the cries turn into sniffles, she remained by his neck and Silva preferred it that way; at least he wouldn’t have to face her directly when he spoke.
“I don’t want you to ever think I don’t love you-“he said in a low tone to match the mood, his arm was still cradling Kikyo whilst his free hand rubbed soothing circles by her side, whether she could feel it under the hidden layers of her dress he’d never know.
“I’ll always love you Kikyo, every marriage has problems and ours is no different, we have to overcome it to make us stronger as one”
Kikyo did look at him after that and Silva saw what he’d been waiting to see all these years, the same innocence and caring features he’d fallen for all those years ago and couldn’t stop himself from leaning into claim his wife’s soft lips.
Kikyo’s lips were exact how he remembered them and how he’d ever stayed away from them for so long would remain a mystery, but now that the gates were open Silva never wanted to shut them again, his hand moved to Kikyo’s jaw to deepen the kiss, glad that she accepted his lips so openingly and when he pulled away he almost chuckled that her lips were still pouting, like she was waiting for more.
He rested his forehead against Kikyo’s, breathing in her mixed scent of expensive perfume and freshly cut grass before he said-
“My feelings for you haven’t changed over the past 30 years… have yours?”
He felt Kikyo shake her head and for the first time in years Silva felt his heart ease, like the rope restricting its movement was cut. Silva moved his head from Kikyo’s so he could trace his lips against her jaw, cheek, temples until he finally reached his desired area, placing a kiss on her forehead.
“The children are listening behind the door” Kikyo whispered. The scoff Silva released was intended to be a lightly chuckle but didn’t turn out that way.
“I know”
“I don’t sense Milluki though”
“He has security cameras in his room dear”
One had to be very careful about what they did around the Zoldyck mansion because Milluki could see all, just like how he was tearing up slightly watching his parent’s heart filled embrace through his computer with a mouth filled of mochi.
Kikyo leaned back to look at her husband the best she could, to get lost in his ocean deep orbs once more the way she use to before she climbed off the bed and brushed down her dress.
“I will… I will ask the butlers if they would be so kind as to provide your favourite meal for tonight’s dinner” she said and if Silva was correct he was sure he saw a faint brush of colour along Kikyo’s cheeks.
“I’d like that” he said, throwing her a rare smile.
The scuffling from behind the door didn’t go unnoticed by both and when Kikyo opened the it she was meet by Kalluto leaning against the wall, trying not to look suspicious.
“Come, Kalluto!” she said as she marched down the hallway with her son following closely behind her.
Silva didn’t move from the bed for a while, his brain was still trying to absorb everything that had just happened in the past 30 minutes but when it hit him he smiled, a genuine smile and turned to the nearly hidden camera in the top left hand corner of the room.
“I’d like a copy of that please Milluki” Silva demands and stands on his feet once more.
The fading love he was so worried about had never left, but merely hid from them, only to come out when they both re-confessed their feelings for each other, and now that Silva knows the affection is still there it’s one less thing he has to worry about in his life, and is glad he won’t have to again.