Work Text:
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, shockingly, J.K. Rowling isn't running a practically unread AO3 account
In the sixth-year Gryffindor girl's dorm of Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry there are three absolutes. Three things you need not worry about changing day to day. Three things you could look to in order to check that you hadn't abruptly switched universes or that hell hadn't suddenly frozen over (this was certainly unlikely, but, in a world where magic exists and is usable by sixteen year olds, a way to check at a glance if you were suddenly in a parallel universe is somewhat useful.) These three absolutes are as follows: Hermione Granger is in love with Rachel Snape, Rachel Snape is in love with Hermione Granger, and they are both far too stupid to do something about it.
Knowing the importance of these three facts. (They had, however subtly, become part of the baseline for understanding the world. The stupid things Hermione were often much more understandable when you considered that she was in love with Rachel. Rachel may have been stupid enough to pull a prank on Professor Snape, but Hermione doing so was nothing less than an act of true love or abrupt and irreversible insanity.) You may imagine the girls surprise when they woke up one day to find one of these absolutes altered. Rachel Snape was still in love with Hermione Granger and too stupid to do something about it, but Hermione Granger was no longer in love with Rachel Snape.
"Maybe Rachel murdered Hermione's parents and she is torn between her family's revenge and true love, and desperately trying to ignore her feelings?" The girls had just sat down in the library with their homework and were discussing Hermione's odd behavior as they observed her over their books. (They didn't plan on actually studying, don't be ridiculous)
"Honestly, Lav, that's ridiculous! Hermione would look far more affected if that was the case. She's not angry at Rach, she's just... indifferent." Parvati was by and large the most reasonable of the three other girls in the dorm, but she was still rather a romantic and inclined to believe many things in the name of love.
It was Fay who had noticed the change originally. They had woken up as usual, and Rachel had shot Hermione a brilliant smile. Hermione, however, instead of her usual instant softness, had simply looked at Rach sleepily and rushed to put on her clothes and get out of the dorm. A far cry, from her usual habit of waiting for Rach to drag herself out of bed and walking down to breakfast with her. And at breakfast she had been sitting next to Seamus Finnegan! It was now the afternoon and Rachel was sitting in the common room dejectedly while Hermione was off on a study date.
"I don't think she's in her right mind," Fay declared, "I mean sitting with someone else at breakfast, okay, maybe, but studying with someone else? We all know Hermione can't stand studying with anyone other than Rachel. She's the only one who knows Hermione's system and doesn't 'breathe too loud'."
"Fay's got a point there, maybe she's drunk and that's why it seems like she not in love Rachel anymore?" Lavender posited.
"All day, and with no other side effects? Don't be such a dunderhead." A baritone voice rumbled near them and all the girls turned to look in surprise.
"Professor Snape!" Parvati squeaked, "We were just-"
"Discussing your roommate's and my daughter's love life."
"Well, yes, but there's a reason."
"We had an agreement, no making plans to get Rachel and Hermione together without my supervision," Snape said, "It's a good thing I sought you out, how else would you idiots realize that Miss Granger has clearly been slipped a love potion?"
Lavender gasped, "Of course! A love potion! We really are idiots. Thank you professor."
"Do we have any contingencies for that Fay?" Parvati inquired.
Fay opened a nearby binder entitled "Operation: IIL:GRAHT (Idiots in Love: Getting Rachel and Hermione Together) which had been spelled so only the four at the table could see its contents. "Yes, here! Under Professor Snape's section of plans. Plan 34 Subsection B:Contingencies Should a love potion be administered to either of the two targets a small party will be arranged in the common room and the punch will be spiked with love potion antidote (NOTE: this contigency allows Plan 57: Engage the targets in a game of Spin the Bottle or Plan 22: Engage the targets in a game of 7Minutes in Heaven to be put into effect)
Lavender clapped her hands, "Well then let's get to work, Professor, you'll brew the antidote. Parvati, you're on food. Fay, spread the word."
The collected people nodded and dispersed. Operation:IIL:GRAHT may have hit a small snag but the girls of the sixth year Gryffindor dorm and Professor Snape were very much prepared. It wouldn't be too hard to get Hermione back on track. After all if there was one thing you can always count on, it's that Hermione Granger is in love with Rachel Snape, and Rachel Snape is in love with Hermione Granger. And if they're too stupid to do something about it? Their friends always have their back.