Chapter Text
"A date ? Really?" Macaque groaned. His brother, Sun Wukong, sat on the kitchen counter- eating a peach as if nothing was wrong.
"Hey, you should be thanking me!" The Monkey King exclaimed between bites. "Ever since MK invited you to that group chat everyone's been made super aware of how lonely you are. You need a date, like, yesterday." Macaque rolled his eyes.
"I don't need a date." Macaque said, shoving Wukong. "And besides, it’s not like you can help. You don’t know the first thing about romance."
"Ah but that's where you're wrong!" Wukong said, grinning. "I happened to set you up with the perfect date!"
Macaque sighed "Somehow I doubt that, but okay." He shot Wukong a quizzical glance. “Who did you set me up with?”
"Tang!" Wukong exclaimed triumphantly.
Neither of them spoke for a few moments.
".... Tang?" This had to be a joke.
"Yeah? What's wrong with Tang?" Wukong asked. "I think they're perfect for you, really! They're smart, they talk a lot so you wouldn't have to, and they were ecstatic when you asked them on a date!"
Macaque frowned. "I didn't ask them on a date," he said. Wukong smiled mischievously.
"Check your texts."
Macaque did as he was told. Hesitantly he navigated to the messaging app and-
Oh.
Oh fuck no.
"When did you ste- no, why did you steal my phone?!" Macaque asked, looking at Wukong. He shrugged, finishing off his peach.
"C'moooon give me some credit! I had to pretend to be you when I asked them out! Wouldn't it have been pathetic if I had gone up to them and asked 'hey Tang! will you go on a date with my brother? He's very very lonel-"
Macaque pushed him off the counter. The monkey yelped in surprise. "I got it, thanks."
Macaque looked through the messages he supposedly exchanged with Tang. Ugh. Wukong made him sound so.. cheesy. Who even writes like this? No wonder Tang was on board- only they would like the sappy shit like this.
“Sooo?” Wukong asked, getting up from the floor. “That’s one hell of a way of saying ‘thank you for getting me a date’ by the way.”
“This is garbage.” Macaque deadpanned.
“Wh- c’mon! You can at least pretend to be grateful! It’s not like setting this up was easy, yknow!” Wukong put his hands on his hips. “Listen, it’s just one date! If you don’t like Tang then you don’t like Tang, but who knows! I think you two could be a pretty dynamic duo!” Wukong smiled “I won’t even rub it in your face when you end up being Tang’s boyfriend!”
Macaque sighed. “Just one date. But you’re not doing this again, okay?”
“Got it!” Wukong said. Something told Macaque that he didn’t get it.
Oh well. It was just one date.
Macaque stood outside Tang’s apartment, his phone in his hand. He double checked to see if he had the right place, before putting his phone back in his pocket and knocking on the door.
“One second!” Tang’s voice was muffled from where it was inside the house. Macaque stood there, waiting, until Tang finally opened the door.
“Sorry about that! Just had to-” Tang stopped what they were saying the moment their eyes landed on Macaque. “-oh.”
Macaque frowned “What’s wrong?” Was he underdressed? Did something happen?
“Nothing! Nothing! This is just um. Well. This is awkward. I was kind of expecting someone? We were supposed to go on a date and-”
“That’s me.” Macaque stated plainly. Tang’s eyes widened.
“W-wait really? That was you? ” Tang winced and fidgeted with the end of their scarf. “Ah, this is so embarrassing- I uh. I kind of thought you were your brother over the phone?”
That motherfucker.
“Oh.” Macaque didn’t know how to respond. “So then.. is the date cancelled or..?” at least if Tang called it now he could just go home and not have to worry about-
“Oh no! Nonono! This is okay! It’s not like I had my heart set on Wukong or anything,” Tang chuckled nervously “We can still go out! I’m ready to go right now, actually!” Damnit.
And that’s how Macaque found himself sitting across from Tang at a local restaurant, hearing them talk endlessly about some book they were reading. Wukong was right about one thing, Tang talked. A lot.
Macaque half paid attention as he ate. He couldn’t help it! Tang knew a lot of folklore, and while that might have been interesting to any other person, half of the stories Tang talked about were either about his stupid brother (Although, luckily Tang had enough restraint to avoid most of those), or they were tales he already knew about because he was there.
Whenever Macaque tried to offer a new story that he thought Tang wouldn’t have known about, Tang, without fail, would recognize it, and start recounting it back to Macaque. It was difficult to have an engaging conversation with them when they both knew all the same stuff. And it's not like Macaque had anything to add- honestly he wasn't a big fan of those old stories to begin with.
Macaque just waited for it to be over.
Halfway through another tangent, Tang stopped talking. "Hey uh, you've been awfully quiet. Is something wrong?"
"What?" Shit. "Oh no, no not at all." Macaque waved a dismissive hand.
"Oh." Tang looked down at their food. "Sorry you just.. seemed a lot more talkative over text I guess.."
Ah. Macaque looked away. "Well uh." How was he supposed to respond to that? Tang looked up at him, waiting for a response. He felt their eyes burning into his skull. "That uh… I should come clean here, that.. wasn't me."
Tang was silent for a few moments- although those few moments felt like they lasted years.
"Who was it then?" They asked, voice calm and level.
Oh boy. Macaque couldn’t escape this one. "It.. was my brother."
Another moment of silence. "Your.. brother? Sun Wukong?" Macaque glanced at Tang. It was hard to guess what they were thinking or how they were feeling, but Macaque doubted it was anything good.
"He stole my phone. Set us up on a date. I had no say in it-" He regretted that last bit the instant he said it. He cringed. This was so embarrassing.
Without another word, Tang stood up. "This was fun. I think I'm going home now." Their tone indicated that Tang did not have fun. Before Macaque could say anything more, they left.
Macaque sat at the now-empty table. Alone. He put his head in his hands. He screwed up big time- he knew that much.
After sending a quick apology to Tang, he returned home. Wukong was waiting for him.
"Don't even think about asking how it went." Macaque threatened.
"Oh trust me, I already know." Wukong said, holding up his phone. "Tang told me about the whole thing."
"Of course they did." Macaque groaned. "I'm going to bed. If you wake me up I will hurt you so bad that you'll wish you weren't immortal."
"Copy." Wukong responded. "You'll get em next time."
"Whatever." Macaque said. "There's not gonna be a next time."