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I.
“General Lan, be my personal guard.”
Flocked by rows of her majesty’s subjects, Lan Zhan did not falter under the empress’s calculating gaze. The empress, Wei Ying, painted quite the intimidating figure in her lush robes of brocade, golden hairpieces, and her calculating gaze.
It was only after Lan Zhan returned from her years-long stint at the border of the empire that Wei Ying began to request for Lan Zhan to guard her; the imperial family and the noble family of Lan were close, once upon a time. It was about time the empress had made it official.
The way they acted towards each other would make you think that the two barely knew each other; acquaintances at best, total strangers at worst.
However, that cannot be farther from the truth.
Lan Zhan and Wei Ying used to be as close as two can be. They had spent their short childhood together, chasing butterflies and grabbing at fish in streams, getting their hands dirty. They had called each other their zhiji , before either of them truly understood what that word had meant.
But their blossoming friendship came to an abrupt end when they were taken away from each other to fulfill the duties expected of them by their families; thus, they needed to let go of their childish desires to grow up.
Wei Ying was brought up to be a fine empress, although Lan Zhan knew that to this day, she wanted nothing but to roam around and see the world.
And Lan Zhan… becoming a general had certainly not been part of her dream. Even to this day, all she wanted was an opportunity to rekindle her friendship with her one and only zhiji.
She knelt down before her ruler, resolute in her decision.
“I give up my life to the empress. Use me as you see fit, your majesty.”
“Good.”
The meeting went on for quite a while longer but soon enough, all the empress’s subjects filed out, leaving just the two of them. Wei Ying visibly deflated as she sat upon her throne.
“Ugh, I hate all this fuddy-duddy nonsense,” Wei Ying said, just loud enough for Lan Zhan to pick up. The formal tone in her voice was completely gone. She stood up from her throne, walking down from the platform to join the general at her side.
“Lan Zhan, I wanted to ask you while we were both alone, like now. But my subjects wouldn’t acknowledge it if I didn’t ask in front of all of them. Sorry about that.” Wei Ying looked a little nervous, and she fiddled with the end of her sleeve.
“Do you… still want to be my personal guard?”
Lan Zhan did not hesitate to answer. “Mn. I will do anything for your majesty.”
Wei Ying tutted. “Aiya, Lan Zhan! There’s no need to be so formal around me. Please, just call me Wei Ying like before.”
Before. Lan Zhan knew that Wei Ying was talking about the time before she left for the border of the empire. Both of them have changed, quite a bit. When Lan Zhan left, Wei Ying was still an energetic, mischievous young girl, the imperial crown still too heavy for her inexperienced shoulders to hold up. Now, there was a different demeanor to Wei Ying; she was calmer, more shrewd. She finally grew into the crown and gilded robes; the manacles that chained her to the throne.
The back of Lan Zhan’s mind whispered quietly about Wei Ying’s beauty.
She shouldn’t think of it more, for it would be inappropriate for her to think of her empress in such a manner.
“Hey. You’ve changed since the last time I saw you.” Wei Ying smiled, her eyes becoming crescents. “A-Zhan is so pretty now.”
Lan Zhan’s breath caught in her throat, and for a moment she couldn’t speak.
She was not worthy of a compliment from her empress, but she must receive it nonetheless.
She bowed, ducking her head and staring at the tiles on the ground. “This one is unworthy of your attention, but it is appreciated.”
“Ah-“ She felt hands on her arms, pulling her up. “Please, there’s no need for that with me. It’s weird when you do that.”
Lan Zhan straightened, still staring at the floor.
“Lan Zhan, look at me.”
She turned her head up, and Wei Ying looked at her with something soft in her eyes.
“I want to be your equal. Your zhiji , just like before.”
Lan Zhan, even though she was always quiet, was struck speechless. She felt the corners of her mouth turn up slightly.
Zhiji.
They used to call each other their zhiji before they even knew the meaning of the word. But now that they know that…
Are they still, after all this time, each other’s zhiji?
Only time will tell.
“Mn. Whatever my empress desires.”
II.
“Lan Zhan, let’s go on a walk.”
The guard stood at the side of Wei Ying’s desk, which was overfilled with scrolls and papers. Letters from provinces seeking aid sat on her desk, and although Wei Ying worked diligently, Lan Zhan could see from the slump of her shoulders that she was getting tired of desk work.
“Mn. Fresh air will do you good,” she said.
After a detour to the empress’ chambers to get dressed properly for the chilly weather, Lan Zhan and Wei Ying went outside to take a leisurely stroll in one of the many palace gardens.
Cold permeated the air; despite the palace gardener’s best efforts, one could not make flowers bloom in the winter. The palace garden was barren of bright color. All there was left to look at were neatly trimmed bushes of green.
Lan Zhan remained a small distance behind the empress, as was proper. She was not on equal ground with her, so she doesn’t dare walk beside her lest someone catches sight of it.
Wei Ying looked back, a brow raised in confusion. She turned around and stopped walking.
“Lan Zhan? Why are you so far away?”
Wei Ying walked back, next to Lan Zhan.
“It is improper.” Lan Zhan said, and Wei Ying laughed, eyes shut into the shape of crescents.
“Since when have I ever been proper and followed the rules?” Wei Ying teasingly elbowed her in the side.
“Come, walk beside me.” She hooked her arm through hers, walking forward. Lan Zhan could not help but feel that she could feel the warmth of Wei Ying’s arm even through the layers and layers of robes that both of them wore.
Wei Ying glanced at her every other second with genuine interest. “Lan Zhan, I don’t remember you being this cold when we were kids.” They slowly walked together, admiring the lotus pond that reflected the slightly cloudy blue sky. Though, the pond was devoid of its flowers, only leaving brown, dead stems in place. It didn’t matter, for both of them knew how beautiful the pond and garden would become in springtime.
Beside her, Wei Ying shivered a little. Lan Zhan was used to the cold after being exposed to it for years, but Wei Ying? Not so much.
She blew air on her hands to try to warm them up.
Lan Zhan fondly looked at her. “Did you forget your gloves, Wei Ying?”
“I did! Everyone reminded me to bring them, but I forgot anyway.” Wei Ying did a double-take. “Wait a minute,” she said, a grin on her face as she pointed at herself. “You called me ‘Wei Ying’!”
Lan Zhan felt a little mortified at her slip-up, the tips of her ears burning already. “My apologies, your majesty. It won’t happen again.”
“Nooo! I told you to just call me Wei Ying.” Wei Ying wheedled dramatically. “I promise I won’t tell anyone. Under one condition.”
“Mn?”
“Hold my hands so they warm up? My fingers are freezing.”
Lan Zhan froze. Hold the empress’s hands? Was it even proper?
(Did it matter if it was proper? They’d already broken the rules, and Wei Ying was well known for that.)
Who was she to deny what her empress wanted? It was her duty, after all, to protect her and follow her every command.
(Internally, she blamed the warming of her ears on the mild chill. Yes, it was just cold. Definitely.)
In lieu of a reply, she took Wei Ying’s slender hands into her own.
“Ah, that’s better!” The empress smiled radiantly. Her hands were not as cold as Lan Zhan expected.
Lan Zhan absently rubbed comforting circles onto Wei Ying’s knuckles. “Mn.”
The scars Wei Ying had obtained as a child as well as the callouses developed from sword fighting were faded and softened with all the various creams and lotions the empress regnant’s maids insist on putting on her. Lan Zhan could not say the same for her own hands; hers looked rough compared to the empress’s hands.
The two of them watched the clouds’ reflection on the lotus pond, the pond turning gray from blue due to the clouds beginning to cover the sun. Even though Wei Ying’s hands must have been sufficiently warmed up, neither chose to let go.
Lan Zhan hated to be the bearer of bad news. “We must return soon. It may storm.”
“I know, I know. But let’s both stay out here a little longer.”
And stay out, they did, until the sky turned gray and the first few droplets of rainfall hit their heads. The maids, upon their return, were worried sick, but Lan Zhan watched Wei Ying wave away their worries for their empress with a big smile and hearty laughter.
III.
“Lan Zhan, will you taste this for me?”
The guard stared at the empress holding up a piece of chicken with her chopsticks.
That day, Wei Ying had requested her presence at her side as she ate her midday meal.
Seeing as she usually insists on eating with a minimal amount of people looking after her, Lan Zhan suspects some ulterior motives.
She’s almost certain that it’s simply a ploy to get her to eat more; Wei Ying often complains that she never sees her eat properly.
“Your majesty, I should not be eating your own meals.”
‘You shouldn’t be letting me eat your food,’ Lan Zhan thought. She eyed the chopsticks in Wei Ying’s hand, holding a piece of food. ‘Much less feeding me yourself.’
“But what if it’s poisoned?”
That’s true. But it’s strange; even if the empress knew that the food was poisoned, she would eat it regardless, and leave the palace physicians to take care of the consequences.
Most within the palace knew of her high poison tolerance and the fact that she hated having to sacrifice a life on her behalf.
It’s suspicious.
“Mn. Let me try then.” Lan Zhan picked up spare chopsticks, but Wei Ying held the piece of chicken to her mouth with the intent to feed her herself. “Say ah. ”
“My empress, this is inappropriate.”
“Lan Zhan, we’re alone. Why do you still call me that?” Wei Ying said, not in the cold, cunning tone she reserved for imperial meetings, but in a teasing and, dare she say, childish tone. Lan Zhan chose not to answer.
Instead, she opened her mouth, taking the food and chewing.
She must say, the kitchens truly did a good job. The meat was tender and juicy, the skin crisped to perfection. Despite her family being vegetarian, she appreciates the effort the cooks put into this one bit of chicken. As always, the food was spicy, just how the empress wanted.
Lan Zhan could feel a bead of sweat roll down the back of her neck. She steeled her expression so as not to show any discomfort.
“Is it good?”
Lan Zhan looked for a note of bitterness, familiar to her thanks to poison training. Nothing.
“It is safe, your majesty.”
“Okay.” Wei Ying did not seem surprised. “What about the liquor? Is it safe?”
Unfortunately, Lan Zhan had to deny her request this time. “My apologies, but my family does not allow alcohol. It is one of our many rules.”
Wei Ying’s face fell, but for a moment. It was replaced with a sheepish, beaming smile right after. “Oops! Sorry, I forgot. It’s okay, I’ll taste it myself.”
Something possessed Lan Zhan to grab the cup from her before she took a sip.
“I insist on trying the alcohol first. I will make an exception; it is for the protection of the empress, after all.”
“W-Wait, you don’t need to-“
Lan Zhan took a sip of the liquor, swirling the liquid around her mouth, again looking for that familiar bitterness.
None. Simply the sweet burn of the finest liquor they have to offer.
“It’s safe.” Lan Zhan says, putting down the cup before her vision plunged into the dark.
===
Lan Zhan woke up to the sight of a ceiling and the feel of the tough bed in the infirmary.
“Lan Zhan, you’re awake!” She felt a light punch on her shoulder, so light it could hardly be considered a punch.
The guard turned her head to see the empress, her hair ornaments lopsided.
“Don’t pass out like that again! I thought I made a mistake and that there really was poison in the wine!”
Lan Zhan struggled to sit up, the effects of the strong alcohol still spinning the room around her.
“I am sorry, your majesty.”
“I didn’t know you Lans were such lightweights.” Wei Ying huffed.
Lan Zhan’s throat still burned, and she couldn’t suppress a cough. Smart, clever Wei Ying clued in onto why she coughed.
“Aiya, I shouldn’t have fed you my food. I forgot you can’t handle spicy food either. Sorry, Lan Zhan.” The empress dragged a hand down her face, looking apologetic.
“It is my duty as your personal guard to do as you say.” Lan Zhan said, fighting off another cough. Spicy food is nothing compared to what she would do for her . Not Empress Regnant Wei, but Wei Ying.
“Still…” Wei Ying mulled it over. “Maybe next time I’ll ask the kitchens to make some with no spice.”
Lan Zhan felt the edges of her lips lift up in a small smile. “My empress is so considerate.”
“Ah— don’t say that!” Wei Ying dropped her head on Lan Zhan’s shoulder. “I just want to make sure you eat!” Even though her golden hair ornaments nearly poked Lan Zhan in the eye, she relished the contact that she so rarely allows herself.
They stayed there, lying like that, until the imperial physician came back and prescribed a day of rest for Lan Zhan.
“Really, Lan Zhan, it’s my fault! Next time, I’ll make it up to you, okay?” Wei Ying says over her shoulder as her maids escort her out of the infirmary.
“Mn. Whatever your majesty desires.”
Wei Ying flashed her a blinding smile before the door closed.
IV.
“Lan Zhan, will you help your empress bathe?”
Lan Wangji, the former general-turned-guard with the highest honor of protecting the empress regnant, froze.
Wei Ying lounged on her bed in a thin, red silk robe, long black hair down from its usual heavy ornaments.
A familiar heat warmed her stomach. She’s sure her ears are as red as a stick of tanghulu.
“Your majesty.” Her voice quivered a little.
“Hm?”
“I am sure that the maids-in-waiting are better suited to assisting you than I.”
Wei Ying pouted, an expression that did not bode well for Lan Zhan’s heart. “I just don’t trust them. I trust you! What if they, I don’t know, try to kill me? Assassinate me while I’m naked?” Wei Ying idly twirled a strand of her hair, the lapel of her thin robe falling to reveal a pale shoulder. “You wouldn’t want me to die, would you?”
"Of course not."
"Then, help me bathe." Wei Ying pouted, and what was Lan Zhan to do if not agree?
“As my empress wishes.”
“Okay!”
Wei Ying got up, going to the connected bath. The large bronze tub behind the screen was already full of hot water, tinted a translucent white with rice water and scented with the smell of various herbs.
The guard turned her eyes away as Wei Ying went behind the screen and undressed, the sounds of splashing water echoing in the room.
“Okay, I’m in. Help me wash my hair?”
Lan Zhan walked behind the screen, raking her eyes over Wei Ying’s lithe, pale form.
She cleaned her hands in a basin of water and went to work. Her sword-calloused hands looked quite out of place gently washing the empress’s silky brown-black hair. Wei Ying sighed, and Lan Zhan felt the tension in her shoulders melt away.
It was truly a feat for Lan Zhan to completely avoid blatantly staring at Wei Ying’s pale figure.
(And her narrow shoulders, her skin the color of mutton fat jade, and—)
Well, Lan Zhan was glad that the milky bath water hid most of Wei Ying’s modesty.
(She wouldn’t know what to do herself if it didn’t.)
Her hands shook a little as she massaged her empress’s scalp.
“You’re good at this, Lan Zhan.” Wei Ying shifted, the milky water rippling. “Keep going, don’t stop.”
(Little did Wei Ying know, Lan Zhan was repeating her family’s rules like a mantra in her head. Promiscuity is prohibited, do not indulge in debauchery, do not attach yourself—)
“Lan Zhan-”
The guard repressed a little shiver that rocked her from head to toe. What was the matter with her?
“Mn?”
Her empress turned her head to look up at Lan Zhan, eyes hooded, face and chest beautifully flushed. “Take me to my bedchamber.”
Wei Ying reached up to pull her head down, kissing her.
All Lan Zhan could think about was the scent of her, the warmth of her, the taste of her on soft lips. Lan Zhan’s head was no longer filled with the rules and principles of her family, only the feeling, the touch, the sensation of her beloved daring to close the distance between them.
Neither dared to pull away, time flowing by like thick honey, but they had to pull apart for breath.
Wei Ying’s eyes widened at the sight of her guard looking so disheveled.
“Oh no. I am so, so sorry Lan Zhan, that’s my mistake, I- I didn’t mean to do that—“
Lan Zhan caught hold of her hand, interlacing their fingers. She settled her other hand on Wei Ying’s cheek, gently stroking her cheekbone. The empress leaned into the touch, her words trailing off.
“Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan called, those syllables never foreign in her mouth no matter how long it has been since she last said them.
“Huh?” Wei Ying looked confused, surprised, uncertain. Lan Zhan never uses her given name…
“I had hoped you meant it.” Lan Zhan said, before leaning in to take her lips in a kiss once more.
V.
The sunrays of dawn lightly painted the exquisitely painted wall of the empress’s chambers. Outside of the window, clouds were painted hues of orange and pink with the impending sunrise.
Wei Ying sat up, her eyes still closed as she yawned and stretched. Being the empress forced her to be the morning person she wasn’t made to be, but getting up in the mornings felt a little bit easier now that Lan Zhan was at her side.
Lan Zhan. Wei Ying turned to the woman sleeping next to her on the bed. A beam of light shone on her lovely features, relaxed from its usual guarded expression. Wei Ying lifted a hand to brush aside a strand of hair, tucking it behind Lan Zhan’s ear, her fingers brushing her soft, pale skin.
It’s been a few weeks ever since she confessed her feelings to Lan Zhan. It shocked yet delighted her to no end when she found out that her love returned those feelings. She felt her knees get weak just thinking about the kiss…
It was a gamble, getting Lan Zhan to bathe her personally. Wei Ying was just glad that it paid off.
She sat there for a while, simply staring at Lan Zhan’s face in sleep, taking her hand and tracing light circles on her knuckles. She didn’t want to wake her up, not yet; both of them knew Lan Zhan simply doesn’t get as much sleep as she should be getting.
But it was a little too late to wish for that when Wei Ying spied her lover’s eyes opening, squinting at the daylight slowly filling their room.
“Good morning, baobei.” Wei Ying said, feeling warmth fill up her entire being, from the top of her head to her toes. Lan Zhan blinked slowly, giving her one of her little smiles that Wei Ying treasured so much.
“Good morning, Wei Ying.”
Wei Ying was not supposed to sleep beside, much less with , her own personal guard, but when did she ever follow the rules?
Wei Ying looked at the sunrise, sighing. Soon enough, she would be whisked away by her maids to be dolled up and dragged to her duties as an empress; the dullest strategic meetings and all. Oh, what she’d give just to spend another hour laying down with Lan Zhan.
She flopped back down on the bed. “ Ugh . I don’t wanna go anywhere. I just wanna stay here with you.”
“I as well.” The former general sat up, smoothing out her clothes. Lan Zhan got up and went behind the screen to get ready for the day. Wei Ying shamelessly watched Lan Zhan's silhouette through the paper panels.
Once dressed in her robes for the day, she returned to Wei Ying's side, helping her stand.
Lan Zhan gestured for Wei Ying to lean in closer, so she did. The general’s voice was breathy and soft as she whispered into her ear. Wei Ying’s heart got caught in her throat.
“Tonight, I will be willing to serve you in any way you desire, my empress. Mark my words.”
Lan Zhan straightened up and went to the door, turning back and bowing as she excused herself.
Wei Ying sat there, unmoving even long after Lan Zhan left, as her maids tried to coax a reaction out of her.
The only thing on her mind was her lover’s words, the whispered promise of tonight.