Chapter Text
Laura Lawrence's manicured fingernails tapped on the marble counter while she watched the drive. She was waiting for Johnny to come home. She'd marked the tournament in her calendar but knew he didn't like his mother cheering him on in the crowd, plus she had to admit that she didn't like the panic and anxiety she felt when he stepped onto the mat and every hit hurt her more than it ever seemed to hurt him. So they'd come to an agreement, he'd tell her the play by play when he got home after all the blows were over. The last three years he'd come home late, out celebrating with his sensei and team, but he'd come home with a big grin on his face and a first-place trophy to show her. She'd make root beer floats and he'd tell her about the other people in the ring. He always spoke about how they telegraphed their movements and made it easy, but he'd also talk reverently about the effort they'd put in because he'd been competing against the same people for years now and he could see the improvement.
She chewed on her lip as she waited. This year though felt different. Johnny had pulled away more than he usually did. Ever since Ali had dumped him he'd seemed untethered. She'd pressed him to talk to her so that he could mourn the relationship and move on, and then he'd come home bloody and he didn't want to talk about it. This only seemed to continue to happen throughout the year, his knuckles were bloody and bruised and he seemed angry and frustrated. He wouldn't talk to her about it, just ducking his head murmuring he was fine and listening to his Walkman when he was home. Laura was pretty sure that Johnny never got closure or a chance to talk to Ali about what had happened and it ate away at him. It'd been a two-year relationship, his first serious one so Laura's heart went out to him.
The red Avanti pulled into the drive and she pulled out the root beer from the fridge, popping the caps and setting the ice cream on the counter to let it soften. She watched as Johnny walked towards the house, blonde head down and her heart sank. He must've lost. She left the root beers and hurried to the front door panic flooding her veins. He wasn't carrying his bag, he didn't have a trophy in his hands. Even when he had lost in the past, before his winning streak he'd still been so excited, so determined when he got home, just to talk about it, about the energy of the tournaments he'd fought in, of watching the winners fight, it was electric he'd said, eyes shining, but this... she hadn't seen this Johnny since before he'd started karate and got beaten on the regular by kids older and bigger than him, the Johnny the first time Sid lashed out.
He looked up at her and her heart sank. He had dried blood on his face and his neck was an angry red.
"Hi Mom," he said and his voice was raspy, there were tears in his eyes.
"Oh Johnny," she said pulling him into a hug. She felt warmth on her shoulder, wetness. He was so much taller than her, stronger, bigger, but he was shaking. She quickly pulled him into the house and to the kitchen before the staff saw him.
"What can I get for you?" she asked softly, gently as he let her maneuver him to a stool at the island.
Johnny took a shaky breath and put his head in his hands. Laura looked at the ice cream and the root beer, the cups and the straws with a frown. They'd done this since he'd started karate, but this seemed rougher than any loss he'd ever had and that red around his neck had her concerned. She quickly made the floats deciding tradition should continue and set one down in front of Johnny and sat patiently across from him. She wouldn't force him to hurry, he was slow to open up, slower still about things that hurt him. But she wasn't going to let him leave her sight until he spilled everything. After a while, he let out a sigh and looked up.
"I quit," Johnny said. "Cobra Kai," he added after a moment.
"You have to start from the beginning," Laura said patiently.
Johnny pulled his float close to him and looked down at it with a frown, dipping his straw in and swirling the soda around the ice cream. "You know when I was supposed to talk to Ali?"
"Of course, you and your friends took your bikes to the beach," Laura said.
"I think it started there," Johnny said softly, his throat clearly hurt but he continued explaining the new kid who took everything the wrong way and played a knight in shining armor to Ali, the fight. Her mouth dipped into a frown, she'd heard the Cobra Kai creed multiple times and she'd understood the reasoning when Johnny had explained it. You make sure your opponent is down so they don't jump up and keep fighting you. It sounded like hazing, only hopped up on karate and Johnny's frustrations over his broken heart. Apparently, the boy, a kid named Daniel LaRusso seemed to know exactly how to push the wrong buttons on Johnny and Johnny admitted to making sure Daniel didn't make it onto the soccer team, something he begrudgingly said Daniel was good at. He admitted to forcing the boy down a ravine and probably totaling his bike.
He wouldn't meet her eyes as he worked his way to Halloween. He got quiet. She remembered seeing him the next day bruised and battered. Johnny explained the fight, the way he went too far, the elderly man who stopped him when he couldn't stop himself. His voice had dropped so low, shame filling his voice. She pursed her lips, waiting for the rest. He explained the elderly man showing up at the dojo with Daniel to request they leave Daniel alone so he could study for the All-Valley. How Daniel used this truce to taunt Johnny, how Johnny kissed Ali in retaliation and made everything so much worse.
Johnny had thought less than a years worth of training couldn't defeat him, couldn't get Daniel into the semi-finals or even through the door to the tournament. But Daniel showed up with his sensei and with Ali and his mother at his side and then he fell into the tournament spiel like he always did. He talked about his fights, the fights he watched his friends in, and the fights he watched Daniel in, praising the other boy quietly. Daniel made it to the semi-finals and there Johnny paused for a while sipping at his drink then wincing at the bubbles. He told her how Kreese told Bobby to put Daniel out of commission in their fight.
While talking about the tournament he'd been looking at Laura, a bit of that spark was there, but now he couldn't meet her gaze again. She knew Kreese, the hold he had over the boys, how Johnny saw him as a father figure and felt her blood turn cold as she listened intently to Johnny tell her how Bobby had protested but ended up kicking Daniel in the knee and how the boy had crumpled in pain and how Bobby had thrown himself to the mat in immediate regret and apologies. The description of Kreese's face, how Bobby had quit Cobra Kai on the spot, and how Kreese had tried to win Johnny first place through trickery and additional damage. He spoke of his fear of Kreese at that moment, but how he still trusted him despite it. He hadn't wanted to win because his best friend had been forced to cheat and hurt Daniel. And he'd kept watching the locker rooms where Daniel had been taken hoping the boy would be okay.
Johnny had been watching Daniel fight and despite being a mouthy kid who knew all the ways to rile Johnny up, Johnny had wanted to see what Daniel could accomplish, how much he'd changed since that first sucker punch on the beach. Then Ali ran out right before Johnny had been given the trophy to announce Daniel would fight and Johnny watched the boy hop on one leg to the mat, bruised battered, exhausted, and gravely hurt and Johnny's voice was in awe while tears pricked in Laura's eyes.
"Braver than I ever was," Johnny whispered before continuing to talk about the fight. The bloody nose and Kreese telling him to go for his knee and how that had shattered something in Johnny. He wanted to win fair and square like Bobby had wanted. He didn't want to hurt Daniel further. He didn't want to win that way. But he'd still done it because it was Kreese. It was his father figure that he trusted blindly to lead him down the right path. And he did it. And Daniel still got back up. Johnny spoke with reverence of the crane kick, to do so with an injured knee, despite how much it had hurt to be on the receiving end of that kick.
"I was relieved," Johnny said softly. "To not have won that way, to get second place felt like an honor. I started crying and I grabbed the first place trophy and gave it to Daniel and told him he was all right as his sensei and Ali and everyone else cheered him on," Johnny said with a soft smile. "I wanted to cheer him on too. Less than a year of hard work and he defeated me in the ring. That's impressive. His sensei clearly knows what he's doing."
Laura smiled nodding, but she kept the smile small, eyes falling to Johnny's neck. It still didn't explain that or why he hadn't come home with the second place trophy or why his bag wasn't with him.
Johnny let out a shaky breath and explained what happened after the tournament. Kreese chewing him out for losing, breaking his trophy, essentially kicking him off the team and when he protested feeling like the world had suddenly fallen apart again Kreese started chocking him, throwing off the other Cobra Kai who tried to save him, until Daniel's sensei, Mr. Miyagi had come in. He had saved Johnny's life and had dodged out of Kreese's way so Kreese's fists went straight into several car windows and how Johnny and the other cobra's had fled Kreese, quitting on the spot and how Johnny had rushed to his car and driven around before his friends could ask how he was. He hadn't wanted to talk about it. He hadn't wanted to see the pity in their faces. "Because..." And he stopped.
And she knew. They had families to return to, fathers who'd understand, and Johnny now only had Sid. He didn't say it and it hung in the air between them. But she understood. Kreese had taken her Johnny and built him into the man before her and then tried to kill him, and Sid...well Sid wasn't better. Senior year wasn't over but Johnny no longer had karate or the Cobra Kai dojo to spend his time, to relieve his frustration or anger. He no longer had Kreese. Five years of study and making a home for himself, gone.
"I don't know what to do now," Johnny whispered into his float. His head was hung low, hair covering his face, she watched tears sparkle in the kitchen light and hit the counter. Her heart hurt.
"There are two things you have to do," Laura said carefully. "You have to apologize to Daniel and his sensei and you need to thank Mr. how do you say his name again?" she asked.
"Miyagi," Johnny said softly.
"Yes, you have to apologize and thank Mr. Miyagi. You owe them a lot for all the damage you've done, see if you can help out. You've got a lot of free time on your hands and a lot of muscle. So use it."
"They won't want to see me," Johnny said softly. "I wouldn't want to."
"You're still going to school with Daniel. You're still going to see him around until you graduate. You've got to clear the air. You didn't get to do that with Ali, you have to do that with Daniel. He might not forgive you, but you've got to say it. Because you feel it don't you? Sorry?" Laura asked, hoping he did. Hoping the little boy she remembered in the car next to her looking at her with big bright eyes telling her it was okay when she broke down in front of him wasn't entirely gone.
Johnny nodded.
"It's late, let them celebrate their win, then, do you know where Daniel lives?" Laura asked. She asked because she was sure he did. Johnny studied his opponents well. Knew everything he could know. And if this boy had whisked Ali away and been on Johnny's mind as much as he'd mentioned then Johnny knew where he lived.
"South Seas apartment complex in Reseda," Johnny admitted softly.
"Then tomorrow morning, you go and you apologize. You do not fight. You do not even make a fist. If he wants to hit you and you can take it you take it, but if it's going to really badly hurt you you defend. But you do not fight back. Understand?" Laura said tersely.
Johnny nodded.
Laura got up and gently cupped Johnny's head in her hands and kissed his forehead. "You can make this right. It won't be easy, but you can be better. Show them the boy... the man I know you are."
Johnny hugged her and she gently ran her hand through his hair. "I'm so sorry Johnny," she said softly. "Second place is still great."
---
Johnny got up early and drove the Avanti away from the big house before Sid woke up. He hurried to Reseda not wanting to lose the courage he had. His mother was right. He needed to apologize, take what licks Daniel would give him, and then find his sensei and apologize and thank him. If he was lucky the older man would tell him what the core creed of his karate was, tell him about it. He doubted they'd get that far. In his wildest dreams, he could study with Mr. Miyagi and have even an ounce of that calm fighting style that Mr. Miyagi had staring down Kreese and then playfully honking his nose.
It wasn't too early he felt as he parked the Avanti and hurried into the complex past the empty pool. It reminded him of the apartment complexes and places he'd lived with his mother before she'd met Sid. Though this seemed a little nicer. They hadn't even had a pool, empty or not. The problem was he didn't know which apartment exactly was the LaRusso's. There was an elderly woman sitting with a small dog in the courtyard and he stopped to pet the dog, scratching its chin. It wagged its tail and licked his hand. He smiled warmly pulling a treat out of his pocket. Ali used to have a dog, he still carried treats for it out of habit. It ate happily and he scratched behind the dog's ears.
"Do you know which apartment is the LaRusso's ma'am?" Johnny asked the woman.
"Apartment 20," she said jerking her thumb.
"Thank you," he said standing and saying goodbye to the dog before hurrying up the stairs. He took a deep breath, straightened his shirt and jacket, dusted himself off, fixed his hair, and then knocked. He wanted to run, but cobras didn't run. Then he remembered he wasn't a cobra anymore.
A woman with brown hair opened the door. There were similarities between her and Daniel and it took him a moment to remember her from Golf 'n Stuff and the tournament. She studied him.
"You're the boy from the tournament," she said, her voice was tight.
"Is Daniel home?" Johnny asked, feeling awkwardly like the first time he'd shown up on Ali's doorstep and her parents had answered the door to skewer him with a million questions. That time though he'd been confident. He had no confidence now, it was flagging.
"He isn't. What do you want with Daniel?" she asked stiffly.
"To apologize," he said quietly, he still stood tall, shoulders back and head held high, but he could feel her eyes on his neck and he wished he'd tried to sneak into his mother's bathroom to find her concealer.
She pushed open the door and motioned for him to come in.
"Apologize for what?" she asked.
Johnny stepped into the small apartment feeling immediate regret. He'd have to go through the same story he'd had with his mother the night before, but this was enemy territory. He'd get no understanding, no benefit from being on his side the way his mother was. Mrs. LaRusso motioned for him to sit and he sat down at the kitchen table feeling too big and out of place. The way she moved was like a tightened coil. She was making tea, keeping him in the corner of her eye.
"For a lot of things. I haven't been...I'm sorry Mrs. LaRusso, I hurt your son a lot this year and during the tournament. I quit my dojo," he said gently touching his neck.
She set the cup of tea before him looking at him with a steely gaze. "Did he get some good hits in at least?"
Johnny laughed, which hurt and he winced. "He sucker-punched me when we met, he doused me in water on Halloween... he's gotten me pretty good some times."
She nodded, "Tea's good for your throat."
He looked at her surprised, "Thank you."
"What happened?" she asked, motioning towards his neck. "I know Daniel didn't give you that."
"My sensei," he said quietly, dropping his gaze.
"Because you didn't get first place?" she asked, voice tight.
Johnny nodded drinking the tea.
"Cobra Kai," he began after a moment, "was like home for me, but my sensei, I realize what he taught me was wrong, the core values, weren't right and I learned that because of Daniel. And I owe him and his sensei. I owe him a thousand or so apologies," Johnny said then decided to switch to what he was more comfortable with under her watchful gaze like he was a dangerous animal that could strike at any moment. "You should be proud of him Mrs. LaRusso. I've been training for years, and even injured and with less than a year under his belt, he did amazing. Your son is amazing. That kick, it hurt like hell, but it was very cool."
She smiled at this. "Daniel is cool. He's a bit small, but he's sweet and caring and friendly."
"And talkative," Johnny said.
She laughed. "Everyone in our family is talkative," she said grabbing a book and setting it down opening it, and showing Johnny a picture of their family, it was big and extensive. "Imagine, all of us talking all the time. A quiet boy like yourself probably wouldn't be able to hear himself think."
Johnny looked at the photo, "New Jersey?" he asked.
"Yes. Daniel didn't want to move here. But I got a job, and well, it's not easy being a single mother trying to raise your son."
"I understand, My mom... she's done her best and I hate that I've let her down," Johnny said softly into his tea. It really was soothing. He liked their apartment. Mrs. LaRusso had made it homey, lots of photos and knickknacks, it wasn't as cold as Sid's mansion.
"My husband died when Daniel was 8," Mrs. LaRusso said softly.
It took Johnny a moment to realize what Mrs. LaRusso was hoping for and he looked at his nails and his hands uncomfortably. "My father left. I didn't know him," he whispered.
Mrs. LaRusso's hand reached out and gently patted Johnny's hand. "You should check out Mr. Miyagi's workshop. Daniel and Mr. Miyagi might be there. You know, for you to continue your apologies."
Johnny nodded, "Thank you for the tea Mrs. LaRusso. And I'm sorry again," Johnny said standing and heading awkwardly to the door.
For a moment he'd kind of hoped to see the other pictures in her book. He wanted to see if Mr. LaRusso also looked like Daniel. What Daniel had looked like as a kid before they'd met. Had he been even smaller? What had he worn for Halloween in the years before? Surely not pretended to be a shower. Johnny was sure Daniel had been a cute kid. Maybe if they'd met back then they would've been friends. Before Johnny had found Cobra Kai. Back when he hadn't had any friends. Daniel seemed to be quick to try and make friends, but then Johnny had blocked him from keeping almost any of them except for Ali.
Mrs. LaRusso walked him to the door and gave him directions to Mr. Miyagi's workshop. Johnny thanked her and hurried down the stairs. He couldn't give up now. She hadn't warmed up to him, but she was chatty like Daniel and had opened up a bit more than he'd expected. She'd probably been hoping Daniel would bring friends home to show the pictures too and Johnny had kept that from happening. He felt cold in his stomach. He'd become the type of person he'd hated as a kid. He'd gotten stronger, sure, but he'd become the bullies who'd tormented him and he had to make it right while he still could. He found the door to Mr. Miyagi's workshop and knocked gently.
"Come in," Mr. Miyagi said.
Johnny carefully pushed open the door with the wooden chimes. He scanned the crowded room. There were several little trees around. They were stunning, elegant, and delicate. He was so distracted by them that he hadn't noticed Mr. Miyagi was watching him and waiting. Johnny met his gaze after a while and felt a lump in his throat. He didn't know what to say. Thank you seemed too small.
"They're beautiful," he said about the trees.
"Bonsai," Mr. Miyagi said.
"Bonsai," Johnny repeated testing the word out on his tongue. "Mr. Miyagi, sir..." If his heart was pounding this much just to thank Mr. Miyagi then what would he do when he apologized to Daniel? He felt for a moment like it would've been easier if no one had stopped Kreese. But easy wasn't his way. He worked hard and had for years. He could do this. "Thank you for everything," he said.
"Everything?" Mr. Miyagi repeated confused.
"Saving me. Saving Daniel," Johnny said, he'd been thinking it over since Halloween. He'd been grateful to watch the elderly man jump over the fence and put a stop to the fight. He remembered being so stunned and so relieved he'd barely fought back. "Thank you for stopping the fight... stopping me. And for stopping Kreese," he said working his way over the lump in his throat. He didn't talk too much, and all these apologies, thank yous, and explanations were going to make him lose what little voice he had left.
Mr. Miyagi stepped forward, "No bad students, only bad teachers."
Johnny shook his head, tears pricking in his eyes, "No, I've been awful. I owe you an apology. I'm sorry Mr. Miyagi. If I can do anything to help you, just name it."
Mr. Miyagi looked at him thoughtfully then picked up his tool bag and placed it in Johnny's hands. "Follow."
Johnny did, following Mr. Miyagi around the apartment complex. At first, he stood awkwardly behind him, but Mr. Miyagi told him what to do, and he found himself helping fix sinks, changing light bulbs, working with pipes and plumbing, holding the ladder for him, and then quickly asking if maybe he should be the one to go up the ladder instead, worried for the old man. It felt good to be working and not thinking. Add to it that he was fixing things and it felt right. He felt calmer than he had in a while and he realized it was all Mr. Miyagi.
At home, at the dojo, at school, Johhny always felt a bundle of energy, coiled and ready to spring. At home it was in case Sid was in a bad mood, he either had to fight and defend himself or bolt and hide somewhere, at the dojo he had to jump at Kreese's command and it usually was straight into fighting, at school it was to keep his head above water with teachers and with his friends and Ali. But he'd seen Mr. Miyagi fight. Mr. Miyagi could handle his own. He didn't need Johnny to defend him and he'd even gone out of his way to defend Johnny. Johnny who'd proved himself to be utterly irredeemable. He moved quietly and calmly and this brought ease to Johnny.
He felt safe he realized, even though he was on top of a ladder clearing out gutters. It was so shocking when he realized he almost never felt safe. Kreese had taught him to always be on high alert, that danger could come from anywhere. But here, with Mr. Miyagi it was so peaceful, he wasn't worried or concerned. He could relax. Mr. Miyagi was in charge and he could just follow the quiet directions he gave. It felt good to work with his hands even though they still ached from yesterday.
Mr. Miyagi invited him back into the workshop and poured him tea. Johnny sat and took it gratefully studying the small bonsai trees. Mr. Miyagi put on a pair of glasses and took a pair of tiny sheers and went to work, carefully pruning and directing one of the small trees. Johnny watched fascinated, sipping at his tea.
"Daniel-san is with Ali," Mr. Miyagi said softly, "still celebrate big win."
Johnny could feel the man's eyes on him, watching him for any giveaway. It still stung. Ali hadn't let him explain why he'd missed her birthday, hadn't explained why suddenly that had been the last straw. What in him was so worthless all of a sudden after two years? He wanted to know if he'd been as terrible all along and she'd just been patient right up until the end. If she knew he was becoming something awful and jumped ship while she could.
"They uh doing okay?" Johnny asked awkwardly.
"Daniel-san still learning not to leave beautiful lady waiting."
Johnny laughed and Mr. Miyagi looked at him with the smallest amount of surprise. "Sorry, that's just how I lost Ali apparently. We haven't had a chance to discuss it but she said it's because I didn't show up at her birthday party."
Mr. Miyagi nodded solemnly. "Important to show up."
Johnny nodded and they fell back into companionable silence until there were more things to do. Mr. Miyagi handed a list over to Johnny. "Shopping next," he said.
Johnny nodded taking the list and following Mr. Miyagi out. He thought about suggesting the Avanti but Mr. Miyagi beelined straight to his truck, then hopped up in the passenger seat looking expectantly at Johnny. Johnny was surprised, he never let anyone drive the Avanti, even Ali. Cars were important and letting him drive was putting their lives in his hands. For a moment that felt like too much. He swallowed and carefully opened the door.
No wonder Daniel liked his sensei so much. He barely said anything but what he said was important and worth listening to and the things he did spoke louder than any words Johnny could even try to think of. He hopped into the truck. From the outside, the truck didn't look like much but Johnny could see how well cared for it was. It moved easily beneath his hands on the way to the hardware store. There he carried a basket and followed Mr. Miyagi around as he picked out things he needed, different pieces of supplies, hmming over different brands and new things before picking them up and looking them over and picking out which one he thought was best. Johnny felt like he was a kid again, following his mother around in the grocery store, her hmming though had been in relation to what was on sale and if they could get a discount on any dinged cans, trying to figure out what they could afford.
"You wax car before?" Mr. Miyagi asked thoughtfully.
"I wax my Avanti about every three months," Johnny said.
"Good good," Mr. Miyagi said like he'd remembered something and set the can of wax down. "How do you wax your car?"
Johnny frowned wondering what Mr. Miyagi was talking about before slipping the basket down to the ground and showing him the movement he made. Wide circles then smaller circles, one side then the other. Mr. Miyagi nodded his approval and turned his back to look at sandpaper. Johnny quickly picked up the basket and followed him, feeling like he was lumbering after the smaller elderly man. They worked their way through the last of Mr. Miyagi's list before checking out and returning to the truck, Johnny's hands full of bags that he set gingerly between the two of them in the truck bed and drove back towards South Seas apartment complex.
There was a yellow car, a Ford super de luxe sitting sparkling near Johnny's Avanti and Johnny tensed. That was Daniel's car. He had to take care of this now. Had to apologize as soon as possible. He carefully parked the truck and Mr. Miyagi hopped out. Johnny filled his arms with the bags and locked the truck following the man trying to think of what to say. I was an ass. I beat the shit out of you and could've killed you I'm so sorry. No definitely not. How's the leg, Daniel? I could probably carry you around as penitence. There was no way Daniel would let him carry him around, even as an apology for making his knee worse. Hit me hard, however you want, I deserve it. For some reason, he doubted Daniel would just haul off and start beating him up. That was more of a Cobra Kai thing, more of Kreese.
His throat ached at the thought. He felt sick to his stomach thinking that the dojo was there, that some other unsuspecting kid like himself who was drowning would reach out and take Kreese's hand and listen to his promise. The promise to make him stronger and smarter and braver but really he'd grind the kid into a pulp and reshape him into something darker. Or what Johnny feared the most, find the darkness already inside and just bring it to the surface.
He followed Mr. Miyagi into the shop and Daniel was there, studying one of the bonsai carefully and talking to Mr. Miyagi about where he'd taken Ali.
"Here," Mr. Miyagi told Johnny and Daniel stopped what he was doing and turned, going stiff all over, eyes wide and looking from Mr. Miyagi to Johnny. Johnny grimaced internally. Daniel was checking to make sure his sensei was safe so close to the wild beast he thought of as Johnny. A monster. Did all teenagers feel like monsters or was it just Johnny? He felt like Frankenstein's Monster, scared of fire and lashing out hurting people. Johnny set the things down where Mr. Miyagi told him to.
"Talk," Mr. Miyagi said before putting away the things in the bags, moving around his workshop.
"LaRusso," Johnny began uneasily. "I'm sorry man, for everything. Your knee, the soccer team tryouts, your bike, pushing you off the edge so you fell," this was a long list, he took a deep breath, "Halloween, the night on the beach," he wanted to say some of it was also Daniel's fault but he could hear his mother's voice in his head. Apologize completely, excuses will just add oil to the fire and turn it into a nightmare to clean up. "Ali," he managed to stumble over her name uneasily, "I'm sorry, and if there's anything I can do for the rest of the semester before we graduate. Stay out of your way, out of sight, to make it easier, whatever, let me know."
Johnny couldn't look at Daniel, he was thinking of Kreese. He wanted to know why he wasn't good enough, why he couldn't have been okay with second place, or third place. Why Kreese had decided that he was no longer useful and better off dead. He gently brought his fingers to his throat, tears pricking his eyes. This wasn't how an apology was supposed to go. He should be saying something comforting.
"I'm not in Cobra Kai anymore," he said softly.
He could still feel Kreese's arm around his neck, the way he'd struggled to get him off, but not enough. For half a second he'd thought it'd been a joke, Kreese used to put them in headlocks all the time. Johnny had been in headlocks for lessons, but it hadn't been a joke. That hadn't really cut through until he'd heard his friends cry out and plead with Kreese. Until he'd felt the stiffness of muscles around his neck not relaxing like they always did before. Daniel usually talked a mile a minute. Daniel drove their teachers nuts with his incessant talking. He'd seen one teacher roll their eyes. But Daniel was quiet. Too quiet. Was Johnny talking to himself? Apologizing to tiny trees?
Daniel was watching him from the stool he himself had occupied hours before, hands on the edge of the seat between his legs that dangled. His expression was unreadable in the fading sunlight of the day. His eyes were dark.
Once one of the kids at one of the tournaments he'd been in apologize to their sensei on their knees, head bowed to the mat. He'd never seen an apology so deep and physical. He'd laughed at first because his friends had laughed but now he wondered if that sort of deep apology was necessary now. Like bowing to a king, offering your support in their battles. Did this make him a turncoat? He'd always thought it was cowardice to change sides in the middle of battle, but he was tired. He wasn't fighting anymore. There was no battle or war. And all the thoughts rumbling around in his head wasn't helping. He thought about what he'd told his mother, what he'd told LaRusso's mother.
"Your crane kick was really cool," Johnny said softly. "And all the progress you've made in less than a year. Congratulations LaRusso, on your win. I mean it. Really."
Daniel dipped his head, looking at his hands on the chair and Johnny wondered if that was the wrong thing to say. He didn't know what to do. He'd never talked this much around Daniel before ever. Daniel had never listened so intently. He was used to Daniel mouthing off, a constant stream of nothing and everything. Eventually, Daniel looked up and met Johnny's gaze.
"If you really want to do what I want, then leave. I don't want to see you ever again."
"Daniel-san," Mr. Miyagi said gently and Johnny didn't hear what else, dipping out of the workshop and hurrying towards his car.
He didn't know what he'd wanted Daniel to say. Part of him had hoped, after a small taste of the peace that emanated from being at Mr. Miyagi's side that maybe he'd be lucky. Maybe he'd be forgiven and could still practice karate. But not Kreese's karate, Mr. Miyagi's. Maybe he'd be allowed to stick around, repair what he'd broken, given a second chance. Maybe explain himself, bubble up with the excuses, maybe not now but in the future when they could laugh about it over beers or whatever it was Daniel might drink, martini maybe? Hey, remember that semester when you used to beat the shit out of me our senior year? Daniel would ask laughing. What was with that?
And Johnny would frown into his beer and unleash everything. A torrent of his life with Sid, his mistakes, the loss of Ali so suddenly, and how Daniel had found him at his absolute worst. He'd hold it all in until that moment and maybe Daniel would nod, be sympathetic, understanding of how sometimes you find yourself on the wrong path and can't figure out how to get on the right one, especially when no one is there to help you find it, and the people you think are leading you are sending you further and further away from the right path into all-consuming and choking darkness.
Johnny looked at the South Seas apartment complex disappearing in the rearview mirror. Then something caught his eye. Something was in his backseat. At a red light, he blinked and looked back. A small tree was sitting in his backseat with an envelope. Tears pricked his eyes. It's the one he'd been looking at when he'd told Mr. Miyagi they were beautiful. Daniel was so damn lucky to have that man in his life, to guide him down the right path. Johnny took a deep shaky breath, he'd promised himself he'd do whatever Daniel asked of him as atonement. And while he didn't know a lot about his own dad, he could do the same thing he did. He'd made it look easy after all. He too could just disappear.