Work Text:
“What do you regret the most?”
“Not being able to continue playing with you.”
Taking out his airpods, instead, he listened to the waves hitting the shore and let the cool February breeze flow through his hair that was getting longer. He set down the vibrant beach towel on the sand while his dog, free of the leash, ran around joyously.
Jungwoo had just finished a long day of filming for his new youtube documentary series “Finding a Person”. His limbs felt like jelly after learning the craft of dancing with Osaki Shotaro, a rising star dancer that moved to Korea last year after signing with Neo Entertainment.
Feeling exhausted, he laid down on the towel and watched the sky calmly. He snapped a photo of the clouds that looked like a puppy. Jaehyun would like this, he thought to himself with a small grin forming on his face. Shutting his eyes closed, he basked in the remnants of the evening sun and let his mind wander off.
He was long over the past but at times, he would reminisce about his early 20s when he played soccer with his boyfriend, Jaehyun and their close friends on the field. The last time he played professionally was during the 2020 Tokyo Olympics where he received an injury that would cause his career to end.
It had been his one true passion and every memory on the pitch was something he treasured dearly. He loved the exhilaration that he felt when he speedily ran past opponents on the other side of the pitch and received passes from his teammates to make deciding shots. The simple feeling of his cleats digging into the grass and the impact of it hitting the ball was like freedom to him. Back then, he was the star player of the team and all of their victories would give him a purpose of living. The sensation was enough to remind him of his worth.
After getting up from the towel, he dug his feet into the sand and kicked lightly at the beach ball he brought. He would usually visit the beach near his shared apartment after work. There weren’t many people that came during the wintertime but he liked how it felt like he was away from the city, giving him a space to clear his mind and relax by the sea.
His boyfriend, Jaehyun, had left a few weeks ago to another country with the national team in preparation for a tournament and Jungwoo missed him badly. They messaged each other almost every day but it was still not the same. Going to the beach reminded him of Jaehyun as they spent so many years hanging out there that it became their place.
Jungwoo would turn 29 in just a few days. His close friends planned to celebrate it with him at Taeyong's restaurant. He was looking forward to it even though it would be the first he would celebrate without Jaehyun by his side.
He stayed at the beach for an hour before it got darker, working on some video editing on his laptop. After his injury, he started a youtube channel since he had already established a fanbase from playing professionally. He made weekly vlogs where he did casual commentary on local sports matches and hung around his ex-teammates like Jaehyun, Yuta, and Sungchan.
With his channel becoming a huge success over the years, he eventually became a guest commentator for official matches in the country and even hosted many Korean TV shows. He was currently off-season so he was focusing more on youtube with the excess of free time. It was fun collaborating with many people for his new series “Finding a Person” and he got to try many things along with it.
“Let’s go back,” he said to his dog, Obok, who was resting beside him, holding a chew toy.
He drove off in his car, feeling accomplished with the work he completed today. On his speakers, he played “West Coast Love” by Emotional Oranges, a song that he listened to with Jaehyun often while they went stargazing on their road trips during the weekends where they had no work. He imagined Jaehyun’s hand on his thigh while he sat in the passenger seat and the endless amounts of singing along to the radio, not to mention the feverish kisses and wanton touches they shared in the backseat. He felt intoxicated in love just relishing in old memories back when they had more time together.
Stepping inside into the empty apartment, he shivered at the lack of heat. The lights were all off, leaving only the city lights illuminating through their windows. Living alone was something he was used to since Jaehyun was always away but sometimes he wished that things were different.
It wasn’t simply the fact that he lived a different lifestyle than his partner but he always felt like he wasn’t good enough, not being able to meet other peoples’ expectations because of his superstar career ending so early. Of course, he wanted to open the door to his apartment and be welcomed by a loved one each and every time but instead he felt left behind constantly whenever Jaehyun went away on trips with the team.
Snapping out of his daze, he changed into his home clothes and went to microwave some leftovers for dinner.
After a long day out, he enjoyed soaking himself in their giant bathtub, with the scent of his favourite soap filling the pool of water, creating a soft cotton candy aroma that filled the air.
Their pearly white tub was right beside an entire window wall where he could see all of downtown Seoul. He had the lights turned off so he could bask in the city lights and enjoy the comfort he felt so high up from the world.
He buried his body in the water until only his head peeked out. Laying back on the tub, he enjoyed the music that played on the bluetooth speakers that surrounded him. He remembered back to the last time Jaehyun was with him at home and they sang softly to music while washing each others’ bodies peacefully. He remembered Jaehyun’s deep, velvety baritone voice that was the most pleasant sound to his ears. Most of all, he remembered their bathtub ventures that would lead to making love to an R&B playlist with the lights dimmed low.
Moments later, his eyes fixated on the mid-sized bubbles that formed on his knees that were peeking out of the water. He poked on them gently while his thoughts went back to his ventures of dancing with Shotaro today. It was fun and it didn’t put too much strain into his legs to his surprise. There was a sense of liberty because he could do whatever he wanted with the choreography that they could create. He had always enjoyed dancing since he was younger and it gave him a feeling similar to playing soccer.
Maybe. He could give it another shot.
After his long bath, he checked his work emails while he waited for the scrimmage to air on TV that featured Jaehyun’s team.
[11:38 PM] cloud98: cheering for you, love ^^
[11:40 PM] jeongjae: thank you
[11:41 PM] jeongjae: missing you so much baby
[11:41 PM] cloud98: i miss you too, i can’t wait to see you again
He smiled at the reply and put down his phone when the match started. It was a small exchange with his lover but it still lifted his mood and kept him going. He had something to look forward to in a few weeks when Jaehyun would come home. He couldn’t wait to see him again and embrace him in a warm hug.
♡
Yaaawn.
He had been having a hard time sleeping for the past few weeks. It was the longest break he’s had from Jaehyun since they started living together and he really needed someone to cuddle before sleeping. It didn’t feel right just hugging a pillow at night.
He missed the warmth of Jaehyun and his strong arms that would wrap around him tightly, protecting him from anything in the world. Most of all, the sweet voice of Jaehyun's would send tingly vibrations that shook throughout their bodies when they shared sweet words during evenings, with a large comforter wrapped around them. It was everything he ever wanted, almost like a dream.
With differing time zones, it was hard to find the right time to call as Jaehyun had a really busy schedule with the team. Just replaying Jaehyun’s voice notes where his boyfriend sang along to old-school love songs was enough for now.
He went to brew himself a cup of coffee and hoped he could stay awake throughout the day. He wanted to clean the entire apartment just because he felt like it and then do some filming for his channel. He had lots of PR packages and fanmail for an unboxing video after visiting the PO box the day before.
At the end of it all, he went through the mail that was sent to his personal address, usually by friends and family deciding which to film and which to open off camera. He got to the last package which just had the letters “JH” on it. Of course, it was from no one other than Jaehyun.
To Jungwoo, it came off as a surprise as he thought Jaehyun would want to give gifts in person instead as they planned to celebrate their birthdays together when he came back.
He opened the envelope and took out the letter which had silver accents and was tinted a rose pink. There was a faint scent of the fresh chamomile cologne that Jaehyun often used.
~~~
Dearest Jungwoo, my darling, my love.
You told me about your struggles with sleeping recently and I thought this gift would be able to help. I found it at a small antique store in New York the other day and I remembered that time we binged Disney movies when we went to the cottage with my family last summer. So I picked this one, thinking of you. I wish I could hold you in my arms every night and give you kisses that would last a lifetime. You're like a star to me no matter what happens and you make my dreams come true.
Hope to see you soon and as always, I love you to the moon and back.
Jaehyun
~~~
“Oh wow. I got a package from my friend, Jaehyun.” Jungwoo spoke into the camera that was still rolling, not bothering to hide the wide grin that spread across his face. “Let’s see what it is, everyone!”
Jungwoo opened the small cardboard box that was inside the wrapping paper and inside it was a music box. It was shaped like a grand piano and had gold plating on the edges. He moved it closer to the camera as he winded the little knob a few spins. Then he waited patiently to hear how it sounded.
The song that played was “When You Wish Upon a Star”. He remembered liking this song a lot before, even singing it along with Jaehyun. He stared in awe at the little music box, forgetting that the camera was still on. “Oh my god…” Tears rolled down his face. I’ll cut this part of the video out and re-film it, he thought to himself, letting his emotions take over.
After he finished up with the filming, he quickly sent a message.
[3:10 PM] cloud98: jae!!!! thank you so much
(img_0936.jpeg attached)
[3:10 PM] cloud98: i love it! i love you.
[8:30 PM] jeongjae: just woke up
[8:31 PM] jeongjae: i’m glad :) i gtg eat. i’ll ttyl
That night, Jungwoo slept like a baby. With the tune of his music box playing in the background, the mood light set to purple, and the diffuser on a misty ocean aroma, it was the first time he had gotten a good night’s sleep in weeks. He dreamt of eating lots of good food with his friends and boyfriend by his side.
♡
“Nobody’s here…” Jungwoo stepped into the restaurant. There were no customers but the door was unlocked. It was almost pitch black except for the LED lights at the back near the kitchen. “Hello?”
“Surprise! Happy birthday!” A choir of voices exclaimed.
He turned around to see Jaemin, Mark, Doyoung, Johnny, Taeyong, and most importantly, Jaehyun was there.
“You’re back already?” Jungwoo leaped into Jaehyun and smooshed his face on the latter’s shoulders as they both hugged each other. The lights turned on and the rest started to go into the kitchen to grab the food leaving the couple to themselves.
“I have two days off, I requested it so I could come back. We’ve been spending every birthday together since we’ve known each other. And I was missing you too much to wait two more weeks.” Jaehyun held his waist tightly and rocked them from side to side, enjoying the embrace that they had both longed for.
Jungwoo inhaled the familiar scent and giggled. “I really missed you too. Thanks for coming back for this.” They finally pulled apart for a moment to look into each other's eyes. “By the way, the music box really helped me sleep!”
“I’m glad,” Jaehyun said in relief. “I felt bad I couldn’t be here for you after all.”
“All that matters is that you’re here right now,” Jungwoo answered shyly in a soft tone. Despite being a few centimetres taller than his lover, he felt small in Jaehyun’s embrace. The older one made him feel protected and cherished always.
They celebrated the birthday party happily that night.
♡
After sending Jaehyun off to the airport after his break, Jungwoo drove back to their apartment to grab Obok for a walk out by the beach. He remembered during the recent birthday party where he spoke to Johnny. The older man had watched Jungwoo’s collaboration with Shotaro and mentioned his husband, Ten, who was a choreographer. He asked Jungwoo if he’d be interested in another segment of “Finding a Person” but this time with Ten who could teach another type of dance to spice it up. He got a business card from Johnny and said he would think about it.
Jungwoo waltzed around the beach, without any worry in the world. After seeing Jaehyun again and celebrating his 29th birthday, he felt like a load had been taken off. He thought about trying new things since meeting Shotaro and maybe this was the sign that he needed a change of pace.
He dialled the phone number from the card.
“Hello, is this Ten? This is Jungwoo, a friend of Johnny’s. I’m interested in joining your dance studio.”