Work Text:
Today was the five-year anniversary of both the best and worst days of Robin’s life. As she sat on the floor of the small closet in their modest flat, tears began to stream down her cheeks. She sniffed and breathed deeply, trying her best to keep the rush of emotion at bay. She tried to ground herself, feeling the fibers of the porridge-colored carpet between her fingers, hearing the crinkle of the bag on her lap, counting her breaths steadily, recalling the CBT exercises she’d used for nearly a decade.
It worked for a time. Long enough for her to release a sob that had tightened in her chest before she placed her hands on the bag and began to open it gingerly. It was vacuum-sealed, as it was every year. She slid the zipper across the bag and felt a rush of air as the bag slowly expanded, better revealing the contents inside.
Her hands shook unsteadily and she could hardly catch her breath. Robin couldn’t believe it was time for this again. The one time of year that she allowed herself to feel everything. She reached her hands into the bag and felt the rough, woven fabric against her fingertips. It was so very familiar and welcoming, she hadn’t realized just how much she missed it.
Just as she was about to pull it out, she was startled by a loud thump on the other side of the closet door. She jumped, quickly placed the bag to the side, and swiped the backs of her hands across her eyes. “Yes?”
“Mummy? Can I come in?” a tiny voice called from behind the door.
“Er, yes love, just a second.”
Robin opened the door and nearly burst into tears at the very sight of him. He was the spitting image of his father, all dark eyes and wild curly hair. He was tall for his age, but he’d never stop being her...their...little boy.
“Hi, baby bear. You okay?” She asked, tears forming in her eyes all over again.
“Yeah. Mummy, why are you crying in the closet?” As much as she tried, Robin could never hide anything from him. He was as perceptive as his father, and he’d make a fine detective one day if he so chose.
“Oh, I’m just missing daddy a lot today.”
Ironically, her heart nearly collapsed when he came over to her and sat down, laying his head in her lap.
Her fingers automatically moved to his head, playing with the soft tousled curls there, just as she used to do for Cormoran. She felt him sigh against her leg.
“Will you tell me the story again?” he murmured quietly.
She opened her mouth to speak, but no sound came out. Instead, she choked back yet another sob.
“Yeah, love, I can try.”
He snuggled deeper against her.
“One day, there was a big daddy bear, who ran into a small, scared mummy bear. Mummy bear almost fell backward, but at the last second, he caught her and saved her. They started to work together to help other people who needed them. They solved mysteries and made people happy again. They had some bumps in the road. There was a big mean wolf and his friend the secret bunny that tried to destroy them. But daddy bear wasn’t having it. He wouldn’t let the wolf and the bunny destroy everything that he and mummy bear had worked so hard for. Mummy stopped being friends with the wolf and the bunny. There was even a sly fox who tried to trick daddy bear into thinking she’d been hurt, but daddy bear saw right through her tricks. Mummy and daddy weren’t always perfect. They fought sometimes. But one night, they sat together, drinking their favorite drink, and they became best mates. So they continued to work together for a long time, solving mysteries, and helping people.
After a few years, mummy bear and daddy bear decided that they wanted to be together forever, so they sneakily left and told no one of their plan. They went to a beach where uncle bear helped them be together forever. When they returned, they acted as if nothing had changed, until one day, their friends and family noticed they had rings on their fingers. Do you know what those rings meant, baby bear?”
“They meant that mummy and daddy loved each other!” he piped up.
“But did mummy and daddy bear have to have those rings to know they loved each other?”
He raised his head, grinning at her, “Of course not! Everyone knows that’s bollocks!”
Robin couldn’t help but laugh at her son’s incorrigible language. He was just like his father in that respect, but she was happy to raise him to know that loving someone doesn’t require a legal commitment, only a commitment made to each other.
“Keep going,” he demanded, as she continued to stroke his head.
“A few years after that, daddy bear wasn’t feeling very well. Mummy bear took him to the doctor, and the doctor said that his heart had so much love in it, that it had grown too big for his chest. He needed a new heart, but there wasn’t a new heart to be had. Mummy and daddy bear waited and waited, but daddy started feeling worse and worse. The doctor told daddy bear that he couldn’t keep going with a heart that was too big. So you know what daddy bear did? He began to give out all the love he could in the time that he had left. He gave some to mummy bear, to auntie, uncle, and cousin bears, to grandma and grandpa bears, and to all his other friends. One day, he had no more love to give, and he laid down and went to sleep for a long time.”
“How long?”
“Forever,” Robin gasped, tears streaming down her face. “But you know what? Even as daddy was going to sleep, he wasn’t done giving his love to mummy bear, because you know what he’d given her?”
He sat up, looking at her intently, waiting for the answer he already knew. “Just as daddy bear was going to sleep, mummy bear found out that they were going to have a baby bear of their very own. A baby bear they never thought they’d have. He’d given mummy bear something to keep her going, even while he was asleep. Something to remember him by. For that, mummy bear will never forget daddy bear.”
He laid back down and sighed. “I love that story.” Robin could feel wetness against her leg, where her son’s cheek rested.
“You know what I love?” Robin replied.
He rolled over to look at her.
She was no longer hiding her tears. “I love you, Theodore Blue Ellacott-Strike.”
“Just Teddy,” he giggled, reaching to pull Robin’s face down for a kiss.
“I love you, Just Teddy,” she laughed, her eyes still wet with tears.
“I love you too, Mum.”
“Now, would you like to do something with me?” She asked, hesitantly. "Would you like to smell daddy?”
“What?!” Teddy cried in disbelief. “That’s silly!”
“It is, but you know what? It helps mummy bear feel better. So what do you say, baby bear?”
Teddy shrugged and nodded his head.
At this, Robin pulled the bag onto her lap and took out the familiar dark brown coat, smiling through her tears. Without hesitation, she buried her face into the fabric, inhaling deeply, instantly smelling the scent of smoke and spice. “Hi, daddy bear. I miss you so much, Cormoran,” she whispered. “We miss you and love you.”