Work Text:
Beating Heart
“I’ve known you for some time and all I wanted was for you to get the hell out of my life so I can be with my son. But really… What I want is for Henry to be happy. We have no choice. You have to go.”
“Okay.” I couldn’t believe what Regina was saying. She wanted me to go and leave my parents again. How could I let them go when I’d only got them back a year ago? It was too short of a time, especially when one was without her parents for her entire life.
“How long before the curse hits?” I wistfully asked, trying not to let the tears flow from my eyes as I stared longingly at my parents.
Eyes make their peace in difficulties
With wounded lips and salted cheeks
And finally we step to leave
To the departure lounge of disbelief
“Not until tomorrow morning. But there is nothing we can do to stop it. So we have enough time to say our goodbyes.”
“Ok. I want to spend one last night with my parents, and I’m sure Henry wants to spend his with you in his old room. We should try to make one last memory with our parents. You should take him home.”
“Emma… There’s something else that you should know. Something I haven’t told you.”
“What now?”
“When the curse washes over us, it will send us all back. Nothing will be left behind. Including your memories. It's just what the curse does. Storybrooke will no longer exist. It won't ever have existed. So these last years will be gone from both your memories. Now we'll go back to being just stories again.”
We would lose all of our memories of Storybrooke??!! How were Henry and I to live like that? To go back to thinking that my parents had abandoned me, and never having found them. I completely zoned out as Regina explained to us that she would give us happy memories, where I never gave Henry up for adoption and that we lived a full life together. But it was too hard to think about that.
And I don't know where I'm going
But I know it's gonna be a long time
And I'll be leaving in the morning
Come the white wine bitter sunlight
After a few minutes of silence, which actually felt like hours, I looked at Regina while pushing Henry gently towards her. “Go on kid. You should be with your mom. And then tomorrow morning you can say bye to your dad and grandparents.”
Neal gave me a small smile, saying that he would drop by Regina’s first thing in the morning, and then we would all have breakfast one last time at Granny’s as a family.
David and Mary Margaret took me by the arms and we started heading back to the loft, but not before I glanced over my shoulder, and caught Hook’s eye. I couldn’t help the ache that I felt in my heart when I saw the look of utter devastation on his face.
I spent the evening with my parents, enjoying the time I had left with them, but there was a feeling I couldn’t shake. My thoughts kept straying to Hook. I would be leaving him behind. Not getting the chance to see if he would win my heart as he promised. But that wasn’t true. I think he already had won my heart, or at least a part of it. Suddenly getting up from the sofa I grabbed my jacket and headed for the door.
“Emma, honey, is everything all right?” Mary Margaret had a look of concern on her face.
“I… I just need to be somewhere. I’ll be back, I promise.”
“Do you need to go see Neal? We understand if you do. You should say goodbye to him properly.”
“No. That’s not it. It’s not Neal. I can say bye to him tomorrow morning.” Both David and Mary Margaret looked confused, and I couldn’t blame them. I was confused. I didn’t know what I was doing. “I think I need to go say bye to Hook. To Killian. I don’t want to leave without saying bye to him.”
Before either of them could say a word to question me or stop me, I walked out of the door.
Wanna hear your beating heart tonight
Before the bleeding sun comes alive
I want to make the best of what is left, hold tight
And hear my beating heart one last time
Before daylight
As soon as I reached Hook’s room at Granny’s I began banging. “Hook you in there? Let me in. We need to talk!”
I was about to knock again, when the door opened, and there he was. In all his devastatingly handsome glory. His eyes lit up for the briefest second when he saw me, but quickly changed to fear and concern.
“Swan! Is something the matter? Is Henry all right?”
“He’s fine Hook. I just came to talk to you. Can I come in?” He swept his arm, bowing slightly.
“After you m’lady.” Even with a curse coming, he still couldn’t help the smirk that crossed his face. I felt myself smiling, in spite of myself and walked into his room. Suddenly I felt very nervous. I had no idea what I was actually doing here. It had just seemed like the right thing to do while I was back at the loft. But now, I didn’t know where to begin.
“Swan, you wanted to talk?” He gently guided me to the bed and sat me down on the edge, before sitting next to me.
“Hook, I… I mean, Killian.” I heard him draw in a breath at hearing his given name, and I glanced up at him. He looked awestruck.
“Love, no one has called me that in a very long time. Why you? Why now?” I knew there was more behind that question to just my calling him by his given name. He could read me so well. So I didn’t bother asking the question he literally asked, but instead tried to get the words out to the question he meant.
"I can’t explain it. I just know that I feel like I can’t leave without saying goodbye to you. I think you were right in Neverland. You would win my heart, and you didn’t win it by trickery. I felt something too in that kiss and I just didn’t want to admit it.”
In the canyon underneath the trees
Behind the dark sky, you looked at me
I fell for you like autumn leaves
Never faded, evergreen
“And all I know is that I probably won’t ever see you again. Tomorrow I’m going to leave and have no memories of you, and I need you to know…” I couldn’t look him in the eyes, and my hands were fidgeting in my lap, which Killian took in his to calm me down.
“Emma, love. What do you need me to know?” How was Killian being so calm about this, and me an absolute wreck? None of my thoughts were coherent enough for me to make sense of.
“Emma, you can tell me anything. You know how I feel about you. And I will never stop feeling this way about you. I was going to wait until tomorrow, but I think you should know now. You know my secret, that I didn’t know I could give up on Milah. But I did. You made me a better man than I have been for over 2 centuries. And I love you Emma Swan. I know you won’t remember me come tomorrow, and we may never see each other again. But I will love you till the end of my days. And I will stop at nothing to get back to you somehow. I will find you again. I will always find you.”
And I don't know where I'm going
But I know it's gonna be a long time
'Cause I'll be leaving in the morning
Come the white wine bitter sunlight
I hadn’t even realised that I was crying until Killian brought his hand to my face and swept his thumb along my cheek. I crashed into his arms, sobbing. “Killian, I think I might be falling for you too. If we had time, I’m sure one day I would be in love with you, but it’s too soon for me to say those words.”
“No need to explain, love. I understand completely. I just needed you to hear it once, and hopefully your heart will somehow remember that you have a family, who will stop at nothing to find you and your boy again, including me.”
“Killian, I just want to spend this last night with you. Can you please hold me? I want to hear your heart beating, and I want to make the best of the time we have left together.”
“Anything for you, my Swan.” Killian dragged me down on the bed, and threaded his fingers through my hair. Suddenly I felt soft, full lips on my own and I knew that one day he would find me again, because he loved me.
Wanna hear your beating heart tonight
Before the bleeding sun comes alive
I want to make the best of what is left, hold tight
And hear my beating heart one last time
I woke wrapped up in Killian’s arms. Although I was nervous about what was to come, I had never felt more relaxed and loved than I did in that moment. I glanced over at Killian, who was starting to wake and gently stroked his face. As I was getting ready to head back to the loft, I told him that I would come back with Mary Margaret and David and we would enjoy breakfast together, him included. I gave him one final kiss, hoping that everything I felt for him came through, and left his room.
Breakfast was somber. Regina, Neal, Mary Margaret, David, Henry, Killian and I were squeezed into one booth, not wanting to be out of reach. No one wanted it to end, but Regina told us there wasn’t much time left. So we headed to the town line, along with the Dwarves and Granny.
We all stood there silently, staring at one another. I walked over to my parents and they wrapped me into their arms one final time before I headed over to Neal. “Neal. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. You got a boy you’ve got to keep alive here.”
“And you have to go back there.”
“Yeah .” I drew Neal in for a hug. “ Hey, this isn’t over. I’ll see both of you again.” Neal tried reassuring me as he pulled out of the hug.
I started heading to the car, trying not to look at Killian. We had agreed in the morning after waking up that we wouldn’t say our goodbyes in front of everyone, and had done them before going for breakfast. But I felt his hook on my arm turning me towards him.
“That’s quite a vessel you captain there, Swan.”
“You don’t need to joke Killian.” I gave him a small smile, which he returned.
I can't face this now everything has changed
I just wanna be by your side, here's hoping we collide
Here's hoping we collide
Here's hoping we collide
“There’s not a day that won’t go by that I won’t think of you .” I could see the pain in his eyes. And my own heart was breaking. Before I could start crying, I quickly said, “ Good,” gave him one last smile and turned away to talk to Regina one last time.
“When I stop Pan's curse and you cross that town line, you will have the life you always wanted.”
“But it won't be real.”
“Well, your past won't. But your future will. Now go. There isn't much time left the curse will be here any minute.”
Henry moved to give Regina one last hug and Mary Margaret rushed to me, placing one final kiss on my forehead. I turned to each member of my family, lingering my eyes on Killian for an extra beat before getting into the car and driving away, everyone disappearing from my mind.
Wanna hear your beating heart tonight
Before the bleeding sun comes alive
I want to make the best of what is left, hold tight
And hear my beating heart one last time
Wanna hear your beating heart tonight