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Shin was quiet as he tried to gather his thoughts. His reddish eyes glared at the floor. Lena had a point, but it wasn’t because of kindness that he had lost those memories.
It was just plain because it was easier not to remember, not too long to something that was taken from him. To pretend that they never had existed.
He didn’t notice the tear silently falling. The broken sobs leaving his body as he tried to keep the last brief part of himself together.
How had the rest found something to live for and all he can do was wander from place to place searching for somewhere that it can end?
The rest had seen something, something that they could fight for. Something that will make them happy in the end.
He didn’t hear when the door was pushed open, but he did tens up when someone pulled him closer.
The man was silent except for lightly humming to him, calming him down slightly. When the tears finally quiet down. Shin pulled slightly back as he glared at the floor.
“What’s wrong?” Raiden kept his voice low. He kept the worry to the back of his mind. The last thing that Shin would react to was anything he thought was pity.
Shin was silent, there was nothing he could say. He knows he could trust his second in command, but he couldn’t find himself to talk.
“You know Shin, it is okay to talk about how you feel.” Raiden wanted to wipe his friend’s tears away. But he was sure that is only a good way to get himself an ass-kicking.
The silence stretched for a few more seconds before Shin finally talked.
“I finally remembered them and all the wonderful memories. And maybe it would have been better if I didn’t. Maybe then I wouldn’t feel like someone is stabbing me the whole bloody time.” Shin bit his lips slightly as he glanced at the floor.
“It is hard being with you all when you finally found something that makes you happy, another reason to fight.” Shin finally looked up. “When all I want to do is finally die. That in every mission, hoping that it would finally be the time. The time that everything ends.” The last part came out in a broken whisper.
Raiden was silent for a few moments, unsure of what to say. He had seen the way Shin had fought in the battles, almost suicidal three-quarters of the time. But he had never thought that Shin might have been searching for his ultimate resting place.
Before Raiden could say anything, Shin continued, his eyes on the wall behind Raiden.
“I apologize. I don’t know what had just come over me.” Shin turned away from Raiden. There was nothing left to say.
Raiden took a step closer to Shin, pulling him around. He expected the startled look, but not the broken soul in front of him.
“You have nothing to apologize for, Shin. Just know you have all of us on your side. You are our friend. And when you need someone else to be strong, even if it is just for a moment. We are here.” Raiden pulled the slightly smaller teen against him.
The hug was almost crushing but for a moment Shin felt the world just quieting down. Maybe it wouldn’t be too bad to talk to him every once in a while.