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Alex was four years old when he first witnessed love in person. He was out for lunch with his abuela and June, munching on a cheese sandwich when a couple sitting a few tables over from them caught his eye. It was a young couple, around his mommy and daddy’s age, and they were holding hands and feeding each other spoonfuls of their dessert.
Curious as ever, Alex dropped his sandwich and looked at his abuela with wide eyes, “Abuela, why are the man and the lady holding hands?” He pointed in the couple’s general direction but June grabbed his hand, her face a little flushed with embarrassment.
“Alex, you don’t just point at people, it’s rude!” June hissed, but her eyes also turned to their abuela, shining with that same glint of curiosity.
Their abuela smiled, her eyes casually looking in the direction Alex had been pointing, “Mijo, they are showing how much they care for one other,” she explained, reaching across the table to wipe the cream from his milkshake from his upper lip. “It's called displaying affection.”
The whole thing played on Alex’s mind for the rest of the day, right up until he was tucked into bed in the room he had at his abuela’s. Before she turned off the light, Alex called out to get her attention, “Do you think someone will want to hold my hand in public one day?”
The look that passed his abuela’s face was something four year old Alex couldn’t place, so he ignored it and tucked it away for another day. She walked back over and sat down on the edge of his bed, running her fingers through his curls, “Mijo, one day you’ll find someone that’ll love you so much that not only will they hold your hand, but they’ll make you feel like the world is on fire.”
It wasn’t until his abuela had gone to bed that Alex realised she had said ‘they’ and not ‘she’.
*
Love was always something that fascinated Alex. He was mesmerised by the way different people expressed their love for one another, whether it be in public displays of affection or through an action of some kind. He watched how his parents interacted with one another as he grew up, and he watched how the love they had for each other changed. What used to be passion and romance had turned into companionship, respect and friendship.
Maybe that was why Alex wasn’t as concerned as he was when they decided to file for divorce. Maybe it was because he knew that even though they weren’t married anymore, it didn’t mean they didn’t still love one another.
The words his abuela spoke to him that evening in bed remained ingrained into Alex’s memory. He was waiting for the person that would love him so much he’d feel like the world was on fire.
There were a few times that Alex thought he found it, his epic love, but it never quite turned out the way he’d hoped or dreamed it would.
First there was Emily. She was smart, funny and on the cheerleading squad. She was the kind of girl Alex could have seen himself growing old with in his little Texas town. She was comfortable. By the time they were in junior year though, the excitement had fizzled out and all that was left was a sense of doing what was expected of them, which was something neither of them wanted to do.
Liam was next, his best friend. It was Liam who made Alex realise that he was definitely not straight. For a while, Alex thought maybe Liam would be the one to change it all, to make him feel what Emily didn’t. He’d seen the movies, read the books, it was always romantic when the two best friends fell for one another.
Except it wasn’t a relationship with Liam. It was fiery kisses under the bleachers and hands down each other's pants behind a locked bedroom door. It was drunk make-out sessions and promises of ‘it doesn’t have to mean anything, it’s just bros helping out bros'. For a while, their arrangement was enough. Until it wasn’t.
Alex wanted more, he wanted the hand holding in public and the promise of movie dates. He wanted to be more to someone than just a bro helping out a bro.
Liam understood, of course he did, and they stopped casually hooking up when they were alone and went back to playing Call of Duty. It stung, just a little, that Liam wasn’t as affected as Alex was but he was also grateful he ended things before it got messy. Before he fell in love.
If he had gone back to his house and cried over Downton Abbey with June, then that was his business and no-one else's.
Putting his parent’s divorce aside, the first time Alex witnessed heartbreak was with June and her high school sweetheart. June had been with Evan since her freshman year and Alex could remember when she would bring him home and he’d help Alex out with his middle school maths problems.
Alex liked Evan. Evan was safe.
Before June had gone off to college in California, where their dad now lived, she had broken up with Evan. Even though it was her choice, she still sought out Alex and he was ready in wait with the ice cream. He’d never seen his sister cry quite as hard as he did that night, and he hoped he never had to again.
*
Alex was eighteen when he met Nora Holleran. She was in one of his shared classes at Georgetown University and was the smartest person Alex had ever met. Unlike Emily, Nora liked to take risks, she liked to keep things interesting and fun. Alex liked fun, he liked interesting and he liked Nora.
It was Nora that Alex lost his virginity to.
It was also just after that, when they decided they were much better off as friends.
Even though they never really talked about it, Alex knew that it was because three days prior he had introduced Nora to June and he could feel the chemistry between them.
Alex couldn’t even find it in himself to feel sad, after all, his sister had found the person who made her feel like the world was on fire and there was no way Alex could take that away from her.
When Alex sat down and thought about it; Emily, Liam and Nora were all small blips in his relationship radar. Sure, they all taught him something new about love and what it meant, but Alex couldn’t sit down and honestly say he had been in love with any of them.
Then Samuel Lauder happened and Alex could finally say he knew what love was, or at least a version of it.
Samuel was studying Corporate Law and whenever his eyes met Alex’s across the library, butterflies erupted in his stomach. Sam was tall, always immaculately dressed in something Levi or Armani and had a sinful smile that turned Alex’s brain to mush. He came from a well off family, that much was true, but the way he made Alex feel when they were alone made up for the fact that he wasn’t someone who liked public displays of affection.
At first, Alex didn’t mind as he had grown up knowing that love was displayed in different forms. Sam’s came in the form of nights in watching movies or flowers and chocolates being delivered to Alex’s college dorm. Alex didn’t need to be taken out on dates to fancy restaurants to know that Sam had feelings for him, he really didn’t.
It wasn’t until they’d been dating for just over a year, with ‘I love you’s’ being exchanged regularly that Alex suspected something wasn’t quite right.
Two weeks before Christmas, Alex had asked if Sam would like to come home to Texas with him for the holidays, and to meet his family. It’s not that Sam outright said no, but the excuses he came up with as a way not to go were answer enough. So Alex offered to spend the holidays with Sam and his family.
The fight that ensued left Alex drained and in need of alcohol he was not yet legal to buy.
Sam wasn’t comfortable taking Alex home with him, not yet.
Of course, Alex had many questions, all of which he voiced to Sam the second he shot down Alex’s proposal.
Was it because he wasn’t out to his parents? Was it that he hadn’t told his parent’s about Alex yet and was building up to it? Was it because it was the holidays and some of Sam’s extended family would be present?
Both of those questions were reasonable, and if the answer to any of them would’ve been yes, Alex would have completely understood and backed off.
However, the real reason Sam didn’t want to take Alex home for the holidays?
Alex wasn’t good enough.
Alex wasn’t rich enough.
Alex wasn’t white enough.
Turns out that Sam wasn’t just shy of public displays of affections, oh no, Sam was actually in a relationship with a girl from his hometown and his whole family were homophobic, racist and elitists.
The second the words left Samuel’s lips, Alex was gone, slamming the door behind him. It took Samuel three hours to finally attempt to call Alex and follow those calls up with ‘apology texts.’
You don’t understand.
It’s just the way they are.
This thing between us doesn’t have to end.
Alex blocked Samuel’s number and asked the guard in the lobby of his dorm building to ban him from entry. Even through the heartbreak Alex was feeling over a year and a bit lost, he still had the sense not to go running back to someone who would treat him like shit.
Alex was better than that.
*
Of all the special events that existed, Alex adored weddings most of all. Especially when he was close friends with the groom and got invited to the whole day of events and not just the evening reception. Ben was a nice guy and for as long as Alex had known him he’d been dating Hannah.
Hannah made an absolute beautiful bride, all lace and skirt flowing around her like perfection.
Before the actual day, Ben had assured Alex that if he still wanted to bring a date last minute he could, but Alex was also insistent; he was attending the wedding stag. Since ending his ‘relationship’ with Samuel, Alex had been taking some time for himself, enjoying his last years at Georgetown, and now he was taking a gap year before he went on to law school. Dating and romance had been so far out of his mind and he was definitely not in the mood to go online to find a date for a wedding he’d be happy to attend on his own.
By the time the evening reception rolled around, Alex was slightly tipsy and was feeling a little overwhelmed at the amount of people he had to mingle with. He was starting to think he should have asked Nora or June to come with him, just for company, when someone settled next to him at the bar.
“This seat taken?” The man asked and Alex almost choked on his drink as the British accent hit his ears. He slowly sat the glass down on the bar and turned his head slightly to the side to catch a proper look at his new companion.
Oh shit. Oh shit. This guy was British and hot.
“Uh, no no it’s not taken,” Alex finally managed to force out a reply to the man’s question, suddenly finding interest in a scratch on the wood of the bar top. Anything to stop him from completely checking out this stranger who had found his way into Alex’s bubble.
“Bride or Groom?” The man asked and Alex tried not to shudder at how smooth his voice was. “I’m Henry, by the way and if I’m bothering you please just tell me and I’ll leave you be.” He cleared his throat. “I just thought you could also use some company.”
Alex tore his eyes away and turned his body to face the man- Henry, finally looking up in his direction. “No! No- it’s fine honestly. I’m here for the groom, even though I’ve known both of them for the same amount of time. My name is Alex. And you’re right...I could use the company.” He exhaled. “No date?”
Henry shook his head, a chuckle leaving his lips in the process, “No date, though Hannah kept telling me that I could bring someone even if it was last minute. Apparently weddings aren’t really something you should attend alone and now I’m beginning to see why.” He nodded in the direction of the dance floor, where all the couples had flocked to slow dance to the ballad that the band was playing.
“Ah yes, slow dances at weddings do make us singletons feel, well….single,” Alex admitted, his eyes glancing between the couples on the dance floor and then back to Henry. “You’re British?” He asked, unsure of what he wanted to ask, but that certainly wasn’t it. He could feel his face flush in embarrassment.
Henry nodded, “Moved here last year after I finished school. Got a job offer working with a friend that I really couldn’t turn down. It’s how I met Hannah actually, we work at the same place.”
Alex perked up, “Wait- you’re Henry Fox? You own the LGBTQ shelter for youths where Hannah works?” he asked and Henry nodded in confirmation. “Dude...that’s so cool. You should be really proud of what you’ve accomplished with that shelter. How many lives you’ve saved.”
As Alex spoke, he watched as Henry’s cheeks flushed slightly, but there was a hint of pride in his eyes. He was proud of what he’d done for those kids and he should be proud. The shelter had been a huge thing and the funding had come directly from Henry and his friend Percy ‘Pez’ Okonjo.
It was then that it hit Alex square in the face. Henry was rich. Henry was extremely rich and Alex suddenly wanted to crawl under a rock and hope no-one witnessed them talking to one another. His eyes scanned the room for the nearest exit, but before he could go anywhere, Henry’s hand was covering one of his and he was smiling.
“Alex, would you like to dance?”
The hopeful glint in Henry’s eye, mixed with the thought of them being pressed up together in a slow dance was what made Alex nod his head in acceptance and let Henry tug him onto the crowded dance floor. When they first met, Alex could have chalked what he was feeling up to the wine he’d been drinking, but now there was no denying the spark between them.
Ever since Samuel, Alex had been cautious when it came to anything close to romance. He didn’t want to end up in that situation ever again, he wasn’t sure his heart could take it.
Yet, he’d never felt like this before. He’d never felt the immediate passion, the chemistry whenever Henry glanced down at him as they swayed to the music or the way his heart thumped rapidly against his rib cage when Henry dipped him to the ground and back up again.
Even if Alex hadn’t realised it yet, deep down, his subconscious knew that something was happening, something big.
When the evening came to a close, after a few more dances and an almost knocked over wedding cake thanks to how giggly and drunk they both were, they exchanged numbers and Henry waited for Alex’s cab to arrive before heading off home himself. Before Alex got into the cab, Henry caught his hand, bringing it to his lips.
“I had a brilliant time tonight Alex, I hope we can do it again soon.”
That night, Alex went to bed with a smile on his face that he couldn’t have dimmed even if he wanted to.
*
Eight months.
Eight incredible, unforgettable months.
The morning after the wedding Alex had woken up to a message from Henry, inviting him out to lunch. He had given himself a pep talk in the mirror that morning, swearing that he’d keep Henry at arms length, promising himself that they would just be friends.
When Henry pressed a kiss to his cheek that very same afternoon, Alex knew there was no way they could ever be friends. Not when he wanted Henry to kiss him on the mouth so desperately.
Which he did, three weeks later, after they’d gone for dinner to celebrate Henry securing another shelter location in upstate New York.
Eight months.
“Henry if you don’t stop distracting me we’re not going to get fed tonight,” Alex held back a laugh mixed with a moan as Henry pressed his lips to his neck, hiding his face there. He had been called into the office at the shelter earlier that day, but begged for Alex to stay at his place until he got back. They were spending the weekend together and Henry was determined to see it through.
“You just smell so good though, love,” Henry hummed, pulling away to allow Alex to finish mixing the sauce for the mac and cheese in the pot. “You didn’t have to make dinner for us, we could have gone out to eat, or ordered in.”
Alex smiled softly, turning his head to the side to press a kiss to Henry’s cheek, “I know, but I started craving mac and cheese and well, you know how I get when I start craving something. It was easier to just cook it the way I like it.”
The second the two of them finished their bowls of mac and cheese, Henry sat their dishes to the side and tugged Alex up and into his lap, “How was your day, love?” He asked, pushing Alex’s glasses up his nose. It surprised Alex that within a few months of being with Henry he’d already ditched his contacts when they were alone.
“I stayed in bed for a bit, studied, took a shower and then started cooking dinner. A very exciting day I think.” Alex held back a yawn, the study session catching up on him. “I also need to go to my place tomorrow, there’s some textbooks I need to get for Monday’s classes.”
Yes, Alex did say he was going to take a gap year but instead he took six months off and started his law degree at NYU just shortly after Christmas. He just couldn’t take a break from school, it seemed.
“Do you want to go to bed early? Watch a movie and fall asleep before it’s even a quarter of the way through?” Henry asked and Alex snorted before nodding his head, he knew him too well. “Come on then, let’s get you to bed.”
When Henry stood up, carrying Alex with him to the bedroom, all Alex could think of were three words. Three words over and over again in his brain like a mantra.
I love him. I love him. I love him.
He loved Henry, and that thought scared the shit out of him. It had only been eight months and Alex knew that he should have lowered his expectations after Sam, but the feeling in his gut wouldn’t go away. Henry had met his sister and both his parents, but just like with Sam, Henry still hadn’t introduced him to his family.
Did Henry’s family even know about him?
Fuck Sam for giving him doubts about any relationship he had in the future. Fuck Sam for making him think that he wasn’t good enough.
After a night tossing and turning, Alex woke up the following morning with a crick in his neck and an overwhelming headache. He sucked in a deep breath and exhaled through his nose, pressing his fingers to his temples and massaging them in hope of diminishing even a little bit of the pain.
It was thanks to his headache that Alex failed to notice that Henry wasn’t laying next to him, and the spot where he should be was cold. He frowned and sat up, his vision blacking out slightly with the pain but he pushed his way through it, getting to his feet and heading for the door to lead to the stairs.
When he reached the top, that was when Alex heard the voices and realised Henry wasn’t alone downstairs. He had company. The voices were loud, excited and with a glance to the door at the bottom of the stairs, Alex noticed there were suitcases in the hallway.
“Aren’t we allowed to make a surprise visit across the Atlantic to see you, love?” A woman’s voice filtered through from the kitchen. “I know we should have called, but Bea insisted we keep it as a surprise. She was convinced you’d be happy to see us.” There was a short pause. “You are happy to see us, right?”
“Of course I’m happy to see you, mum!” Henry’s reply came immediately and Alex froze at the top of the stairs. Henry’s mum. Henry didn’t just have normal visitors...it was his family. “I just wish you’d called me first, what if I had plans and was out of the city?”
A scoff followed, “But you’re not out of the city, so your point is mute, H!” Another female voice which Henry could only assume was his sister. Beatrice. Henry had shown Alex photos of them together.
Alex could practically hear Henry roll his eyes, “Bea, my point is certainly not mute.” He cleared his throat. “I am so happy to see you, I’ve missed you all so much and you know the reason that I haven’t invited you before now is because I was still settling in and I needed to find my footing here on my own.”
There was more to the conversation, but Alex didn’t hear any of it as he felt the presence of someone directly behind him. He had no idea that he wasn’t alone on the second floor of the house, completely oblivious that maybe someone might have needed to use the bathroom. He slowly turned around, becoming face to face with a man in his late forties.
Yet, this man wasn’t just any man.
This man was the British Actor most known for playing James Bond. Arthur Fox.
This man was also Henry’s father.
Henry’s dad...was James Bond.
“Uh-uhm...hi?” Alex stuttered over his words, unsure exactly how he was meant to approach the situation. He’d never had to meet the parents of a significant other before...not when it actually mattered to him. “I’m uh- I’m Alex…and I was just...just leaving. Sorry-”
Alex made his way to the stairs but stumbled a little, knocking over one of the vases that Henry had on a table for decoration. It clattered to the floor with a smash and Alex felt his soul leave his body. The voices from the kitchen stopped and footsteps made their way to the foot of the stairs.
When Henry came into view, his eyes widened just a little and Alex tried his best not to burst into tears from the sheer embarrassment of the whole situation. Maybe this was why he was never introduced to his partner's family, because Alex was just clumsy and embarrassing.
He was so lost in his own head that he didn’t even realise that Henry had made his way up stairs to stand in front of him. His hands cupped Alex’s cheeks and tilted his head up so their eyes could meet. “Love, are you alright?”
“I knocked over your vase,” Alex whispered, his voice verging on hysteria. “I’m sorry, I should have stayed in the room, I didn’t know you had visitors.” He cleared his throat. “Give- give me a few minutes and I’ll get out your hair.” He moved to make his way back to the bedroom, but Henry’s hand moved down to take a light hold of his hand.
“Alex, you don’t need to go anywhere. You also don’t need to apologise for the vase, I’ve been looking for an excuse to get rid of it for months. It’s hideous.” Henry was smiling at Alex now, not a single sign of embarrassment present in his features. “Also, about the visitors. I didn’t even know they were coming, if I did I would have been much more prepared.”
“I think I surprised him, Henry,” Arthur Fox spoke up for the first time and Alex inwardly groaned because that was exactly what had happened. “I’m assuming you haven’t gotten to the part where you’ve told your boyfriend about your parents?”
Henry closed his eyes and Alex could see his cheeks turning a light shade of red, “I’ve told him about my family, yes. I just- hadn’t gotten around to the...James Bond part.” He looked at Alex then, his eyes soft and...almost sad? “I was going to tell you, I promise. There just- isn’t any easy way to tell someone you’re in love with that your dad is James Bond.”
Alex’s brain short circuited, no longer focusing on the ‘meeting the parent’s’ aspect and more on the fact Henry just told him he loved him. “You love me?” He asked, making it clear that that was the only part of the conversation that he focused on.
A breathless laugh escaped Henry’s lips and he nodded his head. The hand that wasn’t holding Alex’s wrist moved back to his cheek. “Of course I love you. How could I not love you? You’re- you’re amazing.”
Great, now Alex was crying and there was no way of stopping the flow of tears once they’d started. “Fuck, H. I love you too.” Henry was tearing up too, and his head was leaning down, but before he got very far a voice from the bottom of the stairs cut them off.
“This is really romantic, H and I love that you’re in love and all,” Bea called up. “It’s also very nice to meet you Alex, but it’s been a really long flight and I have no idea where you keep your tea so please can you come be a good host and show me and mum?”
“It’s mum and I actually Beatrice,” Arthur commented, making his way to the stairs. “I’m also sure we’ll be able to find tea, it can’t be that difficult.” He turned around mid way down the stairs to smile at both of them. “It’s lovely to meet you Alex, genuinely.”
He disappeared down the stairs, leaving Alex and Henry alone. They were quiet for a moment before they both let out a laugh and Alex rubbed the back of his neck with his hand, “I can go, you know? I don’t- I don’t want you to feel pressured into me being here with your family. It’s- you’ve obviously not seen them in a while…”
“Alex,” Henry breathed, shaking his head, “What- what makes you think that I don’t want to introduce you to my family? Other than the fact that they are very embarrassing and I could very easily say I have no idea who they are.” He paused. “Alex, I love you, I’ve loved you for a very long time and if my family hadn’t spontaneously visited then I’d have asked if you wanted to come with me to England next month for my brother’s wedding.”
Alex exhaled, his eyes looking anywhere but at Henry, “I suppose, I wasn’t sure if you...if we were at that stage yet and I didn’t want you to feel like you had to because I was here…” Alex sighed and finally met Henry’s eyes. “When I was younger, I used to be in love with being in love. The whole aspect of falling for someone and them being your person was so fascinating to me, and I desperately wanted to find the person that would...well....hold my hand in public. So far, none of my romantic partners were that person. Either we just decided to be friends or...when I did think I met the person it turned out that he wasn’t looking for a public thing. He didn’t want anything more than just someone to have on the side whilst parading a lady around in his public life to appease his family.”
He had no idea where any of this was coming from, Alex hadn’t told anyone but June about Sam and what had happened between them. Yet, with Henry, it felt right. Alex wanted Henry to know everything about his life, right down to the ugly. Henry’s eyes were wide, processing, “Love…” he cleared his throat. “Alex, I want you to listen to me. I would never be embarrassed to be seen in public with you. We go out all the time and we have almost the same friend circle. The fact that someone did that to you...it makes me so angry because you deserve so much better than that. I am- fuck I’m so sorry that I ever made you feel that you weren’t good enough to meet my family.”
Alex shook his head, “That’s...that’s the thing Henry. You haven’t made me feel like that. You- you could have ushered me away the second you realised your family were here but you didn’t and you didn’t berate me when I practically embarrassed myself in front of them. You- you just held my hand, told me you loved me and said that you wanted to get rid of the fucking thing anyway.”
“I did!” Henry scoffed. “It was my grans and it was fucking hideous. Honestly-”
Alex didn’t let Henry get any more words out as he pushed himself forward and shut him up with a kiss. It wasn’t deep or passionate or anything like that. It was just them and it was perfect. When they pulled apart, Alex rested their foreheads together. “You make me feel like the world is on fire, H.”
Henry broke into a wide grin and stole another kiss.
“Alex, for you, I’d set the world on fire.”