Work Text:
When Tears Fall
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Eren's Titan roared in pain as it collapsed; this was his third transformation today. He was tired; he was sore. Eren just wanted to sleep.
"Eren!" The shrill voice of Hanji called out to him, "Think you can still move!?"
Eren doesn't answer her. He can't feel his face, and pain flares across all of his nerves. He could feel the sun on his naked back. Parts of him must be hanging out of the Titan.
Right as he blacked out, he could hear the sound of ODM cables and felt the sensation of his body being ripped from his Titan.
Eren wakes up in his room in the small cottage. No one was in the room with him; Eren assumed they were all at dinner.
Eren slowly sits up, staring at the bedsheets covering his legs. He didn't need a briefing to understand what had happened. Another failure.
That's all Eren felt these days. Failure, pathetic, worthless, good-for-nothing!!!
Ever since Eren learned that he was the only one who could plug wall Maria, Eren has been under a lot of stress. Now, it was starting to get to him. He'd stopped eating properly, and Eren could barely sleep.
Hanji kept pulling him out into the field for more and more experiments. Eren kept putting on a brave and determined face for everyone, but alone…..
Eren could feel a few stray tears run down his face. He quickly wiped them away and calmed himself, grabbing his shirt and a thin jacket.
Eren quickly pulls them on and walks out. He walks to the stairs. He hears voices in the kitchen, so he makes his way down the steps and goes to open the door.
".....another failure, we might need to rethink tactics,"
Eren froze, "They're giving up on me?"
"We can't keep doing these experiments, risking getting caught for nothing," Eren now realized it was Hanji who was speaking, "If Eren can't harden, the plan goes up in smoke,"
Jean sighed, "I can't believe this, after all this work. It was for nothing,"
"It seems that way," Hanji sighs, "Maybe Eren's Titan can't harden. Maybe only Annie's can,"
"We asked Eren if he would fix the wall or he won't," Levi says, "And it looks like he won't,"
Eren's eyes drift to the ground; he sighs and opens the door. Everyone whips around to him. He doesn't look at any of them, just slowly sits in his usual spot.
"I didn't hear you wake up," Armin says, "Are you okay?"
Eren nods, "Yeah, I'm fine,"
"Well," Hanji suddenly smiles a little, "It's time for dinner. Maybe once we've eaten, we can come up with new ideas to help you, Eren!"
Eren looks up at them, "Yeah, okay,"
Sasha looks at the table, "Whose turn is it to make dinner?"
"Eren's," Connie says, "I made it yesterday,"
Armin grimaced, "Maybe someone else should go," he suggested, "Eren just woke up from an experiment and-"
"No," Eren cuts Armin off, "It's fine. I'll make dinner,"
Eren slowly walks into the kitchen and starts to prepare dinner. He didn't have the energy to do something fancy, so he'd stay simple.
As Eren started to cut up the fruits and vegetables he would need, the water began to boil.
Eren places everything down and leans over to take the pot off the flames. As he walks back to the counter, his foot gets snagged on the corner, and he topples to the ground.
Eren twisted his body, so he landed on his back. Boiling water scalded his body, soaking his clothes and landing on his face. The pot itself thumps onto Eren's chest painfully as Eren lays on the ground, face contorted in pain. A few vegetables he'd knocked over hit the ground as well, covering the floor.
He can't even make dinner correctly. Worthless. Fuck-up. Good-for-nothing. Pathetic!
Eren scrambles to his feet, leaving the pot on the ground before stumbling to the door and throwing it open.
He needs space. He needs to LEAVE. He needs to get out...out...out...out...out! OUT!
Eren runs out of the house, away from his squad, away from his superiors, away from his problems.
Thunder booms above him, but he ignores it as he runs. Even as the rain started to pour, he kept running.
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Everyone in the house waited for Eren patiently until an hour passed, and Eren didn't show.
"What's taking him so long?" Jean grumbled, "I'm starving,"
Everyone waited for another ten minutes before Jean slammed his hands on the table.
"That's it," Jean crossed the room, "Alright, Eren! If you're taking this long, then something--"
Jean cut himself off as he opened the door to the kitchen. It was empty. There was a smoldering fire in the corner, cut-up vegetables that were slowly rotting on the counter and covering the floor, and a massive puddle of water on the ground, a trail of it leading straight to the door.
No Eren.
"Jean," Levi calls, "What's going on?"
"He's not here," Jean spoke softly, not even turning to look at the captain,
"What?" Armin asked, alarmed.
"He's not here!" Jean turns back to look at them, "Eren's gone,"
Everyone rushes to the doorway, seeing the mess and the water trail.
"Did he run off?" Sasha asked, confused, "What's with this mess?"
Armin noises the pot on the ground, "Looks like he spilled some water, probably boiling at the time,"
"Whatever happened, we need to find him," Connie gestures outside, "Look!"
Everyone looks outside to see the pouring rain, occasionally hearing the crack of the thunder and seeing the flash of lightning.
"Everyone to a horse!" Levi orders, "We need to find him before the weather gets any worse! Someone stay here in case he comes back!"
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Eren didn't honestly know why he was running. Maybe he was scared. Maybe he was uncertain. He honestly didn't know.
Everything felt piled up on top of him. Fixing the wall, keeping Historia safe, Reiner and Bertholdt's betrayal, Annie's betrayal, humanity's future, his father's final message to him.
It was too much. Eren felt he was crumbling under the weight, and he had no idea what to do with the pain.
The rain clung to Eren, cooling his scalded and tired body as he pushed himself to just keep going.
Soon, however, the effects of not eating and sleeping properly finally seemed to catch up with Eren, for his body suddenly gave out, and he collapsed onto the ground. He shivered, the cold rain soaking him to the bone. He didn't know how long he'd been running, but the burning sensation in his legs told him he'd been running for a good while, at least.
The faces of his friends filling his mind. They're disappointed looks as he continues to struggle to fix things.
Captain Levi's face stung most of all. For a reason Eren couldn't place. The man had his own problems, but he faced them head-on. He didn't try to escape like Eren was currently trying to do.
How would they ever respect him now? Eren's eyes filled with tears at the thought of another rejection. Another failure.
"Eren?"
Eren slowly blinked his eyes open. A voice was calling to him. His weak body slowly pushed himself up.
A familiar sound reached Eren's ears, and he perked up. Hooves. Eren didn't want to be found. He didn't want to see the disappointment on everyone's faces.
"Eren!? Where are you!?"
Eren slowly started to stumble away, hoping that he could be overlooked if he could reach the thicker part of the forest.
Eren's body burned with exhaustion, shivering violently as his teeth clattered. His foot gets caught on a root, and he falls over again. He lies still.
The sound of hooves gets louder and louder before slowly coming to a stop. Good, they were leaving. He could stay out here, maybe avoid his problems for a little longer.
"There you are!"
Eren gasped. Eren hadn't realized anyone had approached him. He'd just assumed that the sound was the horse running away, not stopping entirely.
A gasp sounded from the person behind him as he was more clearly spotted, and he could hear their footsteps running over to him.
But before they could reach him, Eren pushed himself up, bracing his legs to go all out in a full-blown sprint, not even daring to look at who had found him.
Eren was instantly stopped, a hand wrapped around his wrist, the person using their strength to ensure Eren wasn't going anywhere.
"Oi!"
Eren's blood froze. He knew that voice. Oh, god, not him. Please, anyone but him!
"C-captain!" Eren shouts, "L-let go!"
Levi's eyes widened when he saw how distressed Eren was, and he quickly realized this wasn't about the mess he'd made,
"Talk to me," Levi says, "That's an order, Eren!"
"I can't!" Eren desperately tried to free his wrist from Levi's vice grip, "Please! I can't do this!"
Levi's heart broke. He could see the crushing sadness in Eren's eyes. Levi tightened his grip on Eren's arm.
"Look at me,"
Eren hesitated, keeping his eyes locked to the forest floor.
"Damn it, look at me!"
Eren looked into Levi's eyes. He could see the concern in the silver gaze. Eren started to break, his breathing becoming ragged as he fought to keep himself calm.
"Breath," Levi mumbled, cradling Eren's face with his hands, "Deep breaths, Eren,"
Eren listened to Levi's instructions, taking slow deep breaths. As Eren's breathing started to slow, Levi sighed,
"That's it. You're doing so well, Eren," Levi let his thumbs glide up and down Eren's cheeks in a soothing motion, "It's okay,"
Levi looked at the boy, "Tell me what's wrong, Eren," he says gently, "Please,"
Eren broke, his eyes overflowing with tears. He buries his face into Levi's chest as he lets out everything.
"Let it out," Levi says softly, wrapping his arms around the boy tightly, "Let it out. Let it out,"
Eren listened to Levi's words, screaming into his shirt, all of the sadness, anger, and pain heard in his cries.
After some time, Eren finally settled. His body shook from both the cold and the strain, and his head throbbed from the crying.
Levi gently places two fingers under Eren's chin and lifts Eren's face from his chest. Levi could feel his heart shatter at the sight of Eren's tired, blood-shot, swollen eyes and sullen face.
"Oh, you poor thing," Levi muttered, "Let's get you out of this rain,"
Before Eren could say anything, Levi bent down and picked Eren up bridal style and started to carry him back to his horse.
"C-captain?"
"Shhhhh," Levi shushed Eren gently, "It's okay. I've got you,"
Levi held Eren close to him the entire ride back to the house. The rhythmic motions of the horse caused Eren to get sleepy as he hugged Levi tighter.
Once they reached the house, Levi dismounted his horse before taking Eren in his arms again. Moblit stood in the doorway, relief washing over his features at the sight of the boy.
"Oh, thank god," he mumbled, "You found him,"
"Single the others," Levi orders, "I'm going to take care of him. Make sure we're not disturbed. Not even by his sister,"
Moblit nods, and Levi walks inside. He can faintly hear the sound of an acoustic round being fired off a flare gun. That was the signal that Eren was found, and it was time to go back.
Levi carried Eren up the stairs, heading straight for the bathroom. He gently places Eren down on the counter as he starts to fill the bath with water, then lighting a small fire to warm the tub up.
"Stay here," Levi orders, "I'm going to go change and get some clothes for you. If you leave, I'll come looking for you,"
Eren nods, and Levi leaves, quickly walking to his own room and changing before walking to Eren's room and grabbing a pair of nightclothes.
As Levi walked back to the bathroom, he could hear the sound of the other cadets walking in. A few asked where Eren was, and Moblit told them that Levi was handling everything.
Mikasa, of course, threw a fit, but Levi didn't stay to hear it, quickly moving to the bathroom and closing the door.
Eren still sat on the counter, waiting for him obediently. He looks up when Levi walks in.
"S-sir?"
Levi tests the water, and it's warmed up enough. He turns to Eren.
"Take off your wet clothes. We need to warm you up,"
Eren blushes and looks away, "B-but,"
"Eren, it's nothing I haven't seen before," Levi actually smiles reassuringly, "It's okay,"
Eren nods and slowly takes off his wet clothes. Levi's eyes never waver from Eren's face to give the boy privacy.
Eren gets into the tub, wrapping his arms around his legs. Levi kneels down next to the tub, dips his hands in, and wets the bar of soap. Then, with gentle hands, he begins to wash Eren's hair.
Eren blushes madly for a few moments before letting his eyes flutter shut, giving in to the sensation of being pampered and taken care of.
After a while, Levi places a hand on the small of Eren's back and slowly dips him backward, making sure Eren's face doesn't dip under the water's surface as he rinses his hair.
Levi then takes a cup and fills it with the water, pouring it over Eren's shoulders and back. Eren sighed as his frozen skin was warmed by the water, his tense muscles finally relaxing.
After a while, the water got cold, and Levi nudged Eren a little to wake the boy from his sleepy trance.
"Eren," Levi places a hand on his shoulder, "Eren?"
Eren made a noise of confirmation but didn't open his eyes. Levi couldn't keep the found smile off his face.
"Come on, brat. The water's cold," he says softly, "Time to get out,"
Eren slowly sits up straighter, peaking his eyes open as he gets out of the tub. Levi hands him the nightclothes.
"Dry yourself off and put these on. I'll wait outside this time,"
Eren nodded and took the clothes from his captain's grip. Levi walks outside and waits for Eren.
After a while, Eren walks out of the bathroom. He's wearing the white shirt and pants Levi got for him. He looked tired but overall better than when Levi found him.
"Come on, Eren," Levi holds out his hand, "Let's get you settled,"
Eren looks a little shocked for a moment before reaching and taking Levi's hand, threading their fingers together.
Levi's heart jumps in his chest, but he ignores it and starts to lead Eren down the hallway to his own room.
"L-Levi?"
Levi stopped and turned to look at the boy, who looked horrified at the fact he'd just called Levi by his name, not his title.
"I-I'm sorry, sir!" He stutters, "I-I-I meant Captain,"
"It's okay," Levi looks at Eren softly, "You can call me Levi if you want to. I don't mind,"
Eren looked relieved, "Okay, thank you,"
Levi opens the door to his room and leads Eren inside, "Go sit on the bed. I'm going to make us some tea,"
Eren nods and sits down. Levi walks downstairs and boils water for tea.
He hears the door open behind him, and he turns around to see Connie and Jean standing there. Both looking nervous.
The three just looked at each other for a few moments before Connie opened his mouth and blabbered.
"Is he okay!?"
Levi nods, "Yes, he's fine. I'm making tea to help him sleep. You can talk to him tomorrow,"
Both of the teens looked relieved. They left to convey the message to the others as Levi finished up the tea.
It was chamomile tea. Levi often made it to help with his insomnia and had a feeling Eren would need it.
Levi also grabbed a small, thin bottle with purple liquid inside it. Some sort of sleeping agent Hanji made.
Levi carried the tray up the stairs and back into his room, where Eren was waiting for him.
Levi sets the tray down on the bedside table and sits on the bed, resting up against the headboard. He gently pats the space next to him, and Eren crawls up next to Levi.
Levi pours the tea and gives a cup to Eren. Eren goes to take a sip when Levi stops him.
"Hang on a moment," Levi takes the small vile and pours about a third of the contents into Eren's tea, "It's just a sleeping agent," he says, "Hanji made it,"
Eren nods and sips his tea, and Levi pours his own. After a few moments, Levi spoke,
"Do you need anything else?"
Eren shook his head, "No, you've already done so much for me. I've troubled you enough, sir,"
Levi sighs and gently grips Eren's chin, so he's forced to look at him, "I wouldn't do this if I thought you were troubling me. I want to be here for you. I'm happy to be here for you,"
Eren blinked, eyes wide, "What?" he shakes his head, "No, no. That can't be true. I'm nothing but a burden. It must be so hard to help me,"
Levi's eyes narrowed, "Don't say that," he says, "Look at what already happened, Eren. I found you in the forest, I carried you back, I bathed you, and now I've made you tea," Levi smiled again, "I don't do that for anyone. Not even Hanji or Erwin,"
Eren sniffs, "Why would you want to do any of that for me,"
Levi wraps an arm around Eren, letting his hand thread itself in the brat's messy hair, "Because I care about you, Eren. I care about you more than anything. I want you to be happy, or at least as happy as you can be,"
Eren's eyes filled with tears again, and he buries his face into Levi' shoulder, "Thank you, Levi,"
Levi nuzzled the boy's head with his cheek, "It's no problem, now finish your tea. And if you want, you can tell me why you ran out into the rain in the first place,"
Eren nods, and the two talk. Eren confessed his feelings and problems. Feeling like no matter what he does, it's never enough. Feeling worthless and sub-pare. Feeling pathetic and lonely.
Levi listened intently, letting his concern and slight shock show on his face as Eren ranted. After Eren was done, Levi spoke,
"I never knew what we were doing was so hard on you," he says softly, "I'm sorry we made you feel that way," Levi slowly sets his now-empty teacup down and turns to Eren. "You are enough, Eren. You're working so hard, and I am so proud of you. It's not your fault if your Titan can't harden. What if Hanji's right and some Titan powers are different from others? That's okay. I bet we can find a way to patch the hole even without hardening,"
Eren's eyes were wide as he listened to Levi's words, his tired eyes finding more tears to spare. Levi cups his face with his hands,
"You're enough, Eren. You've done so well," Levi rests his forehead against Eren's, "I'm so proud of you, soldier,"
Eren sobs, holding onto Levi's wrists as he cries.
"Thank you," He sobs out, "Thank you so much,"
Levi nods, letting Eren cry for a few more moments. Eren quickly quieted down and leaned his head on Levi's shoulder.
The tea and sleeping agent Levi had given him was finally kicking in; Eren could feel his body becoming drowsier and drowsier.
Levi noticed this, gently taking Eren's cup from his limp fingers, slowly rearranging the pillows, and laying Eren down.
Levi went to get up and leave the boy alone when Eren grabbed Levi's shirt and weakly pulled on it.
"Stay,"
Levi settled back down into bed, Eren wrapping his arms around him, holding onto Levi's shirt tighter, and burying his face into his chest.
Levi chuckled, "Oh, Eren,"
Levi held Eren close. The boy was already deeply asleep, a few mumbled words left his mouth that Levi couldn't decipher, but one came out clear.
“Please…..don’t…..leave me….alone….I love you, Levi. I need you,"
Levi's eyes widened at the words before he smiled and kissed Eren's forehead, pulling Eren closer to him.
"I love you too, Eren. I promise you'll never be alone again,"