Chapter Text
It was like the war all over again.
Colourful flashes lit up his vision - white, red, blue- after living in the darkness of Azkaban for thirteen years, he was more sensitive to light than he was back in his younger days. Everything seemed brighter back then.
Sirius bared his teeth in a grin as he indulged in the familiar dance with Bellatrix. She had been tormenting him long before she had anyone else and Sirius was going to enjoy seeing that backfire on her.
He moved backwards, slowly inching his way to Harry. He had to keep an eye on the boy, he was more of a danger magnet than all the Marauders combined. Sirius continued deflecting his cousin's attacks, ignoring the exhaustion seeping into his bones.
'Constant vigilance.' Moody's voice snapped in his head.
Sirius swiftly dived away from Bellatrix to fight off a dark haired man, it was hard to tell who he was with the mask obscuring his identity.
It was almost nostalgic, duelling with death-eaters with a Potter by his side. Despite his weariness, it sent a familiar thrill through Sirius. He didn't bother with words, the need for those were trained out of him decades ago. He threw silent spells left and right at the two death-eaters, trying to keep Harry out the line of fire.
Bellatrix's cackles echoed around them. After over a decade of hearing them down the hall from him, they grated on Sirius' nerves.
With a swift flick of his wand, Sirius blasted the dark haired man away from them. Which left Malfoy for him to—
"Expelliarmus!" Harry exclaimed, Malfoy's wand fell from his hand.
"Nice one James!" Sirius praised absently. With Malfoy only having a cane to defend himself, Sirius took the chance to show off, lunging forward he twirled his wand, making the cane fly out of Malfoy's hands. Then he blasted the fucker across the room.
He caught Harry's eye as he turned around. They were exactly like Lily's, down to the last speck. Sirius would know, James went on and on about her eyes until even Remus, patient as he was, promptly told James to button it.
He should tell Harry that story, along with the one about James—
"Avada Kedavra!" Bellatrix's voice took on a dark, guttural tone—
A sickly shade of green flashed across Harry's eyes, wiping away the remnants of better days—
Green lit up his vision, bright and blinding. A blast of cold against his chest reminded Sirius of that snowball fight he had with Bella that one time. Except, instead of making him run away with laughter in his throat, it made him as still as nothing itself.
The brightness faded, letting Sirius catch a glimpse of his godson's wide, horrified eyes. That was all the confirmation he needed. Despite the dread, Sirius mustered a weak smile. Falling backwards, tingles washed over his skin, the veil, he realized.
The fall seemed to go on forever – is there anywhere one can land in death?– perhaps this is it. Sirius just falling and falling and falling—
Two strong arms caught him, holding him tightly. "You idiot ." A comfortingly familiar voice hissed at him.
"Reggie?" Sirius gasped, he stumbled, trying to spin round to see his brother.
"Disappointed?" Regulus asked in that dry tone of his. Sirius blindly reached his hand in the direction of the voice, only to get said hand slapped away. "Stop moving you dimwit, you just died. Take a moment."
Sirius stilled. "I died." He said quietly. "Oh Merlin, Harry, I just left him there—"
"Breathe, Siri, breathe." Regulus said softly, Sirius felt him lower them both to the ground.
Sirius whipped his head around, panic rising in his gut. "Where are you? Why can't I see you?"
"Because your eyes are closed, idiot." Regulus said with a huff. Sirius could hear the amusement in his brother's voice.
Heat rushed up the back of his neck. "Oh."
With that in mind, he slowly opened his eyes, blinking rapidly as the light around him filtered in. Regulus' face came in and out of view as Sirius adjusted. When he could finally see without a sharp pain stabbing through his head, he focused on his brother.
Regulus' dark curls were messier in death than they were in life, he noted. His silver eyes shone brightly, like they did when he was a child and believed Sirius could fix everything.
Then there were faint white lines, across his neck and jawline going all the way under his sweater. Scars that had healed over time. Sirius felt something in him twist as he wondered about Regulus' death.
But his brother was grinning, bright and wild compared to the reserved smiles that Sirius has always known. The corner's of Regulus' eyes were crinkled and his marble smooth cheeks were cut with dimples.
He looked happy.
"Well I feel like a right twat now." Sirius said, heat slowly fading from the back of his neck.
"You are a twat." Regulus said matter of factly. Sirius sputtered, he had forgotten what a snarky shit his brother could be. "But I did the same when I first arrived here. A lot of people close their eyes when facing death, like it will go away if you do."
Even after decades apart, Sirius could decipher what Regulus was actually trying to say. I was scared when I died too. He knew that it was meant to be a comfort, but it just hurt. Like death had ripped off every shield Sirius had collected throughout his life, threw away his swords and said 'Face yourself.'
That night flashed through his mind, Regulus coming to him, asking for a moment. Just a moment. And Sirius telling him to go to hell. That was the last time he saw his brother. He's almost sure that it was the last time anyone did.
"I went to your funeral." The words tumbled past his lips, like they had to be said. As if to make up for every word he didn't mean, didn't speak.
Regulus' smile faded into something softer, more sad. "I know."
But Sirius wasn't done. "I regretted it, what I did that night." Told you to go to hell, pushed you and watched as you caught yourself by grasping the edge of the alley wall.
"I know."
But how can he? "I cared, I did, Reggie. But I just couldn't—"
"Merlin, Sirius, I know. I was there. For everything." Regulus said.
"What?" Sirius asked. Regulus' eyes dropped to the floor, even as Sirius grasped his hands.
"I couldn't very well stay here without you, could I?" Regulus mumbled. His silver eyes flickering back up to meet Sirius' own.
The exact words Regulus' ghost had said to him in Azkaban, every Hallows Eve when Sirius' sanity was holding on by a thread.
Sirius felt a lump in his throat and was mortified when he realised Regulus' form was blurring due to the stinging in his eyes. Horror rose up in him at the idea that out of everyone, his little star had witnessed the very worst of him and chose to keep shining on him anyway.
"I wanted to be there for you." Regulus said softly, caution in his eyes.
Sirius dropped Regulus' hands in favor of pulling him into his arms and holding him as tightly as he wanted to in life.
"I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry." Sirius choked out, ignoring Regulus shaking his head against him.
Regulus let out a shaky breath. "Me too."
They held each other for a while. The last time they had done something like this was the night before Sirius went to Hogwarts. They shared the silly secrets only children could have and made promises that rang falser and falser with each year that passed afterwards. Even though, in that moment, they truly meant the words said.
Could holding someone tightly enough make up for years of neglect and resentment? Probably not. It would likely take the eternity laid out in front of them to heal such wounds. But it would be worth it.
Sirius looked around as they pulled back, his eyes widening when they landed on the all too familiar train tracks.
"We're at the station?" He asked.
It was quiet, absent of it's usual chaos. It kind of resembled one of the places you stumble onto at a strange point in life. Like Diagon Alley when it's empty, The Forbidden Forest in the afternoon or a Muggle shop at three in the morning.
In fact, it was almost as if he was outside of time. He very well could be, actually. Death may be strange like that.
Regulus chuckled. "Weird, isn't it?"
Sirius' brow creased. "Did you just say 'weird?' Not strange or oh so peculiar?"
"Is that truly how you think I spoke?"
Sirius smirked. "You were always the posh one." He said. Regulus rolled his eyes with a huff. Barely dead and he's already pissed his brother off, that's got to be a record. "Why are we here?"
"You chose to be." Regulus answered. At Sirius' confused look he elaborated. "When you die, you usually end up in a place of great significance to you. Somewhere that made you happy. Somewhere that changed you or impacted you in some way."
Sirius grimaced. "Is this where I'll be forever?"
"Of course not, idiot." Regulus scoffed as if Sirius should just get all of this.
"Oh my apologies, for not knowing everything after being dead for two minutes." Sirius muttered, scowling.
Regulus' lips twitched upwards. "You'll figure it out, Siri." Was all he said, the cryptic fucker. Sirius wondered if Regulus had picked up that particular trait from Aunt Cassiopeia.
Sirius, in all his magnanimity, decided to let it go when another question popped into his head.
"Where was your place?" He asked.
Regulus smiled. "Quidditch Field." Sirius hummed encouragingly. It had been much too long since they had been able to talk to one another with such ease. "The sun was shining and everything was so quiet, peaceful. I was exhausted, so I just lay on the grass and relaxed. I must have stayed there for hours."
Sirius laughed. "Lazy git." He said, bumping Regulus' shoulder with his own.
"In my defence, I was soaked through." Regulus said, punctuating his sentence with a dramatic sniff.
Sirius' smile froze on his face. Slowly, it fell away as he once again pondered his brother's death.
Sirius had always assumed that his brother had died fleeing Voldemort. Or trying to. He had always known that Regulus' heart wasn't really in it. Not in the way Bellatrix's was. Regulus abhorred violence and avoided conflict at all costs, no matter which side was the cause for the conflict or which side was inflicting the violence.
When he had received the news of his brother's passing. Sirius had hoped that his brother's death was quick and painless, because he knew there was no amount of hope that would bring Regulus back to him. But of course his death wasn't easy, nothing ever was for them.
"Did they— did he drown you?" Sirius forced the words out his throat, not actually sure if he wanted to know. But he had to. Despite the idea of his little brother unable to move as a limbs locked spell held him still, lungs burning as they left him in the water. Because that's how they would do it. All because Sirius couldn't listen.
Regulus tilted his head. "You could say that." He mused. He spoke as if he was telling Sirius about a book he picked up from the shops on his way home. "It's actually quite a long story."
"I'd like to hear it." Sirius said softly.
Regulus' calm facade melted into something more genuine. "I'll tell you. Once you stop berating yourself over the parts you already know." Sirius didn't get the chance to speak before Regulus continued. "I wouldn't have come with you if you offered — not for a lack of wanting to. But because one of us needed to stay behind. I made the choice to do that."
"So I should've knocked you out and taken you anyway."
"My views on Muggles weren't as harsh as I pretended they were, but I did look down on them." Regulus stated. Sirius clenched his jaw but remained silent. "I didn't believe in everything He preached, but I believed in it enough to let myself be forced into getting the Mark at fifteen—"
Rage swelled in his chest. "Fifteen?! That noseless twat, I'll kick his—"
Regulus laughed. "Siri." He said, taking his hand. "Do you understand what I'm saying?" He asked. Sirius merely shrugged. "We both made choices, some good, some bad. But overall neither of us can take the blame for each other's actions or split second decisions made when we were fifteen and scared or for lashing out at an enemy in the middle of a war." Regulus looked into his eyes as he spoke. "And I think you know that."
"You're my brother, not my bloody enemy, Reggie." Sirius said in favor of heeding Regulus' words.
"Your hero complex never stops working against me." Regulus said, exasperated. "Luckily, we have an eternity to rectify that."
Sirius laughed. "Good luck with that."
Regulus went to speak when the nostalgic sound of a train on tracks had them both exchanging grins and standing up.
"I'll tell you one day." Regulus reiterated. He looked at Sirius, his eyes alight with mischief. "But for now, we have a train to catch."