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“Rosé or rosé?” 

Eddie looked up to see his sister standing in front of him, holding two bottles of pink liquid in one hand and two huge glasses in the other. 

“Uh, I guess rosé?” He sat up from where he’d been laying on the couch and swung his legs over the edge to make room from Adriana. She sank down into the cushions and cracked open the first bottle, pouring generous servings into each glass and handing him one.

“I swear I kidnapped a bottle of vodka the last time I was at Mom and Dad’s but I can’t find it anywhere,” she said. 

“You’re 25 Adi,” Eddie said, taking a ginger sip of the drink. “You can buy your own booze.”

“Thanks for the newsflash, Edmundo. I’m also a grad student and alcohol is expensive. This wine was $8 a bottle.” 

“Tastes like it,” he said, wincing. It was so sickeningly sweet it made his molars ache, but at least it was alcoholic, which they needed after the day they’d had. “Thanks for letting me crash here.”

“Of course,” Adriana said. “You’re taking night watch duty tomorrow though.” She grabbed the remote and turned the TV on, flipping to the Hallmark channel where another dumb romance movie was playing. This one was autumn themed, with pumpkins and colourful leaves and a bookstore that was in danger of going out of business unless the small town girl and the big city guy worked together to save it. It was terrible. Buck would have loved it. 

“He seemed better today, didn’t he?” Adriana asked. 

“Better than yesterday, sure,” Eddie said. “But that’s a pretty low bar.” 

“Yeah,” she sighed and took another long drink of the wine. “Still, better.”

Eddie leaned forward to put his glass down on the coffee table and said, “What time is it?” as he fished his phone out of the pocket of his jeans. 

“Almost 10.”

“Which means almost 9 in LA,” Eddie muttered to himself, squinting at the screen. “I’m supposed to call Chris in a bit.” He looked back up at her. “You want to talk to him?”

“Obviously,” she said, sitting up straighter. “God, I’m a terrible aunt. I forgot to ask you about him yesterday. How is he? Is he staying with Tía Pepa while you’re here?”

Eddie hesitated, still staring down at his phone. Maybe if he stayed quiet for long enough, Adriana would forget that she asked the question. 

“Eddie?”

Or not.

“Uh,” he started and cleared his throat. “No. Buck’s actually staying with him.” He glanced sideways and saw her raise a single eyebrow. 

“Okay,” she said. “Why are you being weird?”

“I’m not being weird,” he replied, too quickly. 

“Right,” she said, narrowing her eyes at him. She paused and then asked, “So does this mean I finally get to meet him?” 

“You have met him.”

“The introduction at your ceremony barely counts, Eddie. And Shannon’s funeral definitely doesn’t count.”

“Then yeah, I guess so. Virtually at least.”

“Great,” Adriana said cheerfully. She muted the TV and slid closer to Eddie. “Call him.”

Eddie rolled his eyes but unlocked his phone and found Buck in his contacts, hitting the FaceTime call button. It only rang twice before the call connected and Buck’s face filled the screen. 

“Hey,” he said immediately. “How’s your dad?”

“He’s doing okay,” Eddie said. “Home from the hospital today, but still in a lot of pain.”

Buck nodded. “How are you?” he asked, softer. 

Eddie felt Adriana’s eyes snap to him, a curious expression on her face. He ignored her, and the fluttering in the pit of his stomach, and said, “I’m okay too. It’s weird being home, but I’m staying with my sister tonight instead of my parents so it could be worse.” 

“Which sister?”

“Adriana,” Eddie said. “Sophia’s taking the overnight shift today.” Adriana poked him hard in the arm and he shot a look her way, but that just made her roll her eyes and poke him again, harder. He took a deep breath. “She’s actually here and wanted to say hi, if that’s cool?”

Instantly, Buck’s face transformed. The pinched concern was wiped clean and replaced with wide blue eyes and a bright smile that made Eddie’s chest ache. “Yeah!” he said. Eddie tilted the phone towards his sister and she leaned into his side, entering the frame.

“Hey! It’s good to see you again,” Adriana said. She smiled and continued, “I’d almost forgotten what a nice face you have.”

Eddie groaned while Buck laughed and said, “Back at you.” 

“Okay, can we do this later?” Eddie said, glaring at Adriana. She looked at him and rolled her eyes again as he said, “I’d love to actually talk to my son now.” 

“Fine,” she conceded. 

Buck smiled again. “Yeah, of course.” He started to walk, still looking at the screen. “He’s in bed already.”

“How did you manage that?” Eddie asked. 

“Excellent negotiator, remember?” Buck said. “This time, he agreed to brush his teeth and get in bed but I couldn’t turn off any of the lights or get his book out until he talked to you.” 

“Sounds like a good deal,” Adriana said. Something about her tone made Eddie look over, to find that she wasn’t looking at his phone, she was watching him. 

On the other end, Buck was easing the door to Christopher’s bedroom open and poking his head in. “Hey buddy,” he said. “Guess who wants to say hi?”

“Dad?” Chris asked, and Eddie could hear the smile in his voice. His heart clenched as Buck sat down and held the phone out to capture Christopher. “Dad!” he said, as soon as he locked eyes on Eddie. 

“Hi Superman, how are you?” 

“Good! Buck made lasagna for dinner.”

“Did he?”

“Yeah, with garlic bread ,” Christopher said, leaning in towards the camera. “It was so good.” 

Eddie heard Buck laugh and he could picture the proud little smile on his face, even though he couldn’t see it. “Oh yeah?” Eddie asked. “If you ask really nicely, do you think he’d make it again when I get home?”

“There’s already an extra lasagna in your freezer,” Buck said from off screen. 

Eddie smiled and only hesitated for a millisecond before he said, “You’re the best.”

“We also finished that puzzle finally,” Christopher said. “It’s so cool - the image changes depending on where you’re standing when you look at it.” He looked sideways. “Buck took a picture, he can send it to you.” 

“Aye aye captain,” Buck said. 

Chris looked back at Eddie and said, “What did you do today?”

“Well your abuelo came home from the hospital today and he’s doing really well. Your tías and I spent the day at the house with him and your grandma.” He nudged Adriana with his elbow and said, “Want to say hi to Tía Adi?” 

He nodded eagerly and Eddie passed his phone to Adriana so she could talk to her nephew. He leaned his head against the back of the sofa and watched his son’s animated face, letting the sounds of his sister asking Christopher about school and his friends and the latest book he’d read wash over him. Then, Adriana passed the phone back to Eddie and he said goodnight and told Christopher how much he loved him and that he’d be home soon. He was pleasantly surprised when Chris didn’t ask him to pinpoint an exact return date because he definitely didn’t have an answer to that, but Chris was clearly too excited about the prospect of an extended sleepover with Buck to care too much about Eddie coming back just yet. 

Chris passed the phone back to Buck and for a moment, all they could see was blue fabric as Buck held the phone near his stomach and said, “Okay. 15 minutes of reading and then lights out, got it?”

“Got it.”

“Night kid.”

“Night Buck. Night Dad!”

Buck turned the phone back towards Christopher so Eddie could wave again and say, “I love you Chris.”

“Love you too.” 

Buck backed out of the room with a last, “I’m serious, 15 more minutes. I’m watching the clock.” Once he was out in the hallway, Buck raised the phone back to his face. “Do you guys want to crash or can you talk for a bit longer?”

“We can talk for longer,” Adriana said before Eddie could even respond. 

“Cool,” Buck said, as he walked down the hall towards the kitchen. He paused to open the fridge and withdrew a beer, opening it one-handed on the edge of the counter. “Oh, Eddie, Carla told me to tell you that she watched that documentary series you guys were talking about? Her review was, and I quote, ‘It was fine, but I prefer to my true crime to be about murder’.” 

Eddie laughed and leaned forward to prop his phone up on the coffee table so he could have his hands free to start drinking the bad wine again. “Fair,” he said. Beside him, Adriana curled her legs underneath her and grabbed her glass. “How was work?” Eddie asked Buck. 

“Boring, honestly,” Buck said as he sank onto Eddie’s couch. He took a sip of his beer. “We only had like 7 calls and the most interesting one was a broken hip.” 

“Sounds fun,” Eddie said. He raised his glass to his lips and Buck froze, a delighted smile spreading across his face. “ What are you drinking?” 

“It’s rosé, you heathen,” Adriana said, leaning down to glare at the camera. “A true delicacy.” 

“Sure, if by ‘delicacy’ you mean, ‘sold in the discount section of a budget grocery store’,” Eddie said, rolling his eyes. “It’s all the alcohol she had in her apartment.” 

“You’re drinking a Bud Light,” Adriana said, pointing at Buck. “So you don’t exactly have the high ground here.”

“Excuse me, these are your brother’s beers. I would never voluntarily purchase a Bud.”

Adriana turned to stare at Eddie. “Seriously? Who raised you?”

“It was all they had!”

“In the entire liquor store?” Adriana asked. 

“In all the liquor stores?” Buck piped up. 

“Okay, I am really not liking where this is going,” Eddie said, looking between his sister and his best friend on the tiny screen in front of them. “I knew it would be a mistake to introduce you two.”

“Too late now,” she said. She tipped her glass towards Buck in a faux-cheers and he mirrored her before she turned her body towards the phone and said, “Buck. I have some extremely important questions for you.” 

“Oh god,” Eddie groaned at the same time that Buck said, “Shoot.”

“What is your preferred flavour of ice cream?” Adriana asked, her tone so serious that Eddie barked out a laugh next to her. She glared at him. “It’s not a joke, Eddie. It’s a very telling mark of someone’s personality.” 

“Chocolate,” Buck said. “Classic, delicious, readily available.”

“Solid choice,” Adriana said, nodding approvingly. “Most frequently used emoji?”

“The crying laughing one, probably?” Buck said, taking another pull from the beer bottle. “Maybe the thumbs up.” 

“Acceptable.”

 “Am I being graded?”

“You might be.” Adriana smirked. “You’re my brother’s best friend and looking after my nephew, so I have to vet you. You understand.”

“Oh, of course,” Buck said, nodding solemnly. “Please continue.” 

“Have you ever dined and dashed?”

“Once,” Buck said, laughing. “It was before I dropped out of college. I was with a group of friends at this hole-in-the-wall 24-hour pizza joint just off campus, we were all blackout drunk from a frat party, and they convinced me that it was a rite of passage to ditch without paying. I felt so bad about it that I came back two days later and gave them $200, which was like 5 times what our bill would have been.”

Eddie and Adriana both laughed. “I don’t think that counts,” she said.  

“Sure it does!”

“Dining and dashing means you never pay for it, not that you pay way too much for it later.”

Buck shrugged. “The owners had immigrated here from Belarus… or Bulgaria… or something. Doesn’t matter. But they’d immigrated here to open a restaurant and make a living for themselves and their main clientele were idiot college kids who thought it was fun to scam them out of their hard-earned money. I just didn’t think that was right.”

Goddamn it , Eddie thought, his heart clenching painfully. How was it possible that Buck had always been this generous and thoughtful and compassionate? All the pain and misery and loneliness in his past and it had just made him unbelievably kind. No fucking wonder Eddie was obsessed with him. 

“Well shit,” Adriana said, her voice soft. Eddie glanced at her and she was smiling at the phone. “Okay, you ready for the lightning round?”

“Always.” 

“Age?”

“29.”

“Siblings?”

“One older sister.”

“Occupation?”

At that, Buck hesitated and then laughed. “Uh, firefighter.”

“Cool, just checking,” Adriana said, smirking. “Significant other?”

The question felt like a bucket of ice cold water being dumped over Eddie’s head and before he knew what he was doing, he jumped in to answer for Buck. “He has a girlfriend.” The words tasted bitter on his tongue. 

There was a long beat of silence. Eddie and Adriana looked at each other and then, when no response came, turned to the phone. “Uh, I don’t actually,” Buck said finally, his eyes flickering away from the camera. 

“What do you mean?” Eddie asked. His heart was suddenly hammering a tattoo on the inside of his chest. 

“I don’t have a girlfriend anymore,” Buck said, still not looking directly at the screen. “Taylor and I broke up.”

Eddie felt Adriana’s gaze snap to him, but he was too focused on trying to understand what the fuck Buck was talking about. “Since when?”

“Since Saturday.”

“Buck, that was 4 days ago. Why didn’t you say anything?”

He shrugged. “I was going to tell you, but then… everything with your Dad... it just didn’t seem like it mattered anymore.” 

“Of course it matters,” Eddie said. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Buck said. He looked back at the screen and repeated, “I’m fine . Seriously, it’s not a big deal.” 

Eddie hesitated. “Okay,” he said slowly. “We’re talking about it when I get home though.”

Buck laughed, “Right, because we talked so much about you and Ana breaking up.” Eddie looked at his sister involuntarily and her eyebrows were raised so high that they had disappeared beneath her bangs. “You and Ana broke up?” she asked. “When?”

“Oh shit,” Buck muttered. 

Eddie shot him a look. “Thanks for that.” He turned back to Adriana. “A couple of weeks ago.”

“ Weeks ?” she exclaimed. “Literally this afternoon, Mom was talking to you about bringing her to Texas the next time you came home and you said nothing .” 

“Did lunch today really seem like the time to break that news, Adi?” he said. “Dad was practically apoplectic about his ‘heart healthy’ meal and he kept shouting about not being allowed to take a piss without assistance.” He paused, affected his voice to mimic his father and quoted one of his more memorable outbursts from lunch. “‘ What do you want to hold it for me too?’” 

“You could have told me and Soph at any point in the last few weeks, dumbass.” 

“Don’t call me a dumbass, buttface.” 

“Don’t call me a buttface, dickhead.” 

They glared at each other for a minute before Adriana started laughing and Eddie cracked a smile. She put her hand on his knee. “Seriously though, are you okay?”

“Yes,” Eddie said emphatically. He knew he’d have to find the words to explain to her exactly how okay he was about the breakup soon enough, but he wasn’t going to get into it with Buck still on the line. “I promise.” She gave him a look that very clearly said they were not done with that conversation, but she didn’t push, instead settling back in the cushions. “Well now we’ve established that you’re both newly single,” she said, shooting a pointed look at Eddie. “Let’s change gears. Buck, gimme your best rescue story.” With a grin, Buck launched into the story about the bus on the fifth floor of the office building and Eddie tuned out the words (he’d been there, after all) but watched Buck tell it, his face bright and open, his hands waving around wildly as he mimed his rappelling down from the roof, and the weight on Eddie’s chest felt lighter, like it always did whenever he talked to him. 

A smile tugged at his lips as Adriana laughed at Buck’s description of Eddie securing the bus and immediately needing to unsecure it so they could get to the man underneath. He made a fake scowling face in an impression of Eddie and Adriana cackled, choking a little on her mouthful of pink wine. “You nailed the grumpy constipated look,” she said, laughing. Eddie shook his head, but smiled despite himself. 

“Okay,” Buck said, once the story was done and his beer was empty. “I gotta go check on the kid to make sure he actually turned the light off and didn’t just pass out with his book on his face.” He picked his phone back up and brought it closer to his face. “Adriana, it was a pleasure being questioned by you. Eddie, talk tomorrow?” 

“Yeah,” Eddie said, nodding. He hesitated and before Buck could hang up said, “Thank you” with as much sincerity as he could cram into the two syllables. 

Buck froze for a second and then smiled easily, “Of course. ‘Night.”

“Night.” 

Buck hung up and Eddie retrieved his phone from the coffee table, staring at the screen for a moment before locking it and finally lifting his head to meet Adriana’s eyes. She was looking at him expectantly, her eyebrows still raised, and a small, slightly confused smile on her face. “So…” she said. 

“Don’t start, Adi,” he sighed. 

“Don’t start what?”

“I’m not ready to talk about this, okay? I promise I’ll tell you when I am.”

Adriana considered him and apparently decided to drop it. Almost. “Fine, I’ll let it go for now. If you just answer one question.”

“What?”

“Is this why you broke up with Ana?”

“How do you know I broke up with her ?”

“Eddie.”

Eddie looked down at his lap and bit the inside of his cheek. “Fine, yes,” he said from between clenched teeth. Adriana reached out and rested her hand on his, squeezing once. “Okay,” she said. She stood up, bent down to kiss him on the cheek, and moved to pull a pillow and a blanket out of the closet so he could sleep on the couch. Adriana hovered briefly. “I love you,” she said. “Good night.”

“Love you too,” he said, gratitude swelling in his chest for his littlest sister. 

When her bedroom door clicked shut, Eddie changed into a pair of gym shorts and t-shirt from his duffle bag and stretched out, but he didn’t fall asleep. He couldn’t settle down. Felt like he was vibrating, adrenaline buzzing in his bloodstream, his limbs restless. Eddie pulled out his phone and navigated to his text thread with Buck, his thumbs poised over the screen as he contemplated texting. But that was ridiculous, right? They’d just hung up minutes ago and he had literally nothing new to say, he just kind of wanted the reassurance that Buck was still there, on the other end of his phone, if he needed him. Eddie opened the emojis keyboard and flipped through the pages, eventually settling on the red balloon and hitting send. He stared hard at the screen until a new message appeared less than a minute later - a rocket ship emoji. He smiled and rolled over, shutting his eyes tight against the lights streaming into Adriana’s apartment from the street below, and fell into a dreamless sleep. 

The next morning, Eddie was rudely awoken by a slap on the forehead. He blinked, confused, until his eyes focused on the two people standing in front of the couch, looming over him with matching looks of impatience on their faces. 

“Get up,” Sophia snapped. She moved to smack him again, but Eddie caught her wrist and squeezed hard. His sister shook him off and flicked him square in the middle of his forehead with her other hand. “Seriously, Ed. Get your ass up. Your parents are fucking ridiculous and if I have to spend another minute with them, I’m going to commit parricide.”

Eddie rubbed his hands over his face, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes. “Why are they only my parents when they’re being annoying?” he mumbled. 

“Because you’re the oldest, so it’s obviously your fault,” Sophia said. She flicked him again, his ear this time, and he finally sat up. Adriana handed him a cup of coffee and he grabbed it gratefully. “You’re my favourite,” he said, mostly to get a rise out of Sophia, but also a little bit because it was true. 

Predictably, she said “Fuck you too,” and hit him lightly on the back of the head. “I’m mad at you, by the way.”

“What could I have possibly done in the 3 minutes I’ve been awake to piss you off?”

“How about breaking up with your girlfriend weeks ago for your very kind, very blonde, very male best friend and forgetting to tell your sisters?”

Adriana was looking everywhere but at Eddie - out the window, through to her kitchen, at the bookshelves along the back wall, at a stain on the ceiling. “I take it back, Adi. You’re the worst.” He turned to Sophia and said, “Like I told her last night, I am not talking about this. Not now, and at the rate you’re going, maybe not ever.” 

Sophia crossed her arms over her chest and rolled her eyes, but her face softened. “Fine,” she said. “But I have to go to work and Adriana has to go to school so you need to get over to Mom and Dad’s.”

Eddie took a long sip of coffee and ran his free hand over his hair. “ Fine ,” he said. He stood and handed the cup of coffee back to Adriana, moving to the bathroom. As he splashed water on his face and brushed his teeth, he could hear his sisters talking in low, hushed voices just down the hall. He could only imagine what they were discussing. 

He re-emerged fresh and dressed, feeling slightly more human, and found a text from Buck waiting for him when he checked his phone. It was a picture of Chris, eyes closed, smiling big for the camera, along with the words Pumped him full of sugary cereal + a banana (for balance) and he’s safely at school. Have a good day :) 

“Earth to Eddie.”

He looked up sharply to see Adriana and Sophia staring at him with identical amused looks on their faces. “What?” he asked. 

“You’re smiling like an idiot,” Adi said. “Looking at something good?” 

Eddie brought the picture of Chris back up and turned it towards them. “Just your nephew,” he said. 

They cooed over the photo like good tias and when they walked away to pack their bags and get ready to leave, Eddie reopened the text thread and typed out a response. It is important to maintain a balanced diet and you too. He hesitated for a second, added a green heart emoji, and sent it off. 

“Come on,” Sophia said, poking her head from around the wall separating the kitchen from the living room. “I’ll drive you over there on my way to work.” 

Twenty minutes later, Eddie was walking in the door of his childhood home. 

“It’s me,” he called out, toeing off his boots and kicking them against the wall. 

“Eddie?” Helena emerged from the kitchen, yellow rubber gloves on her hands, brown hair pulled back in a ponytail. She pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Morning.”

“Morning,” he said. “How is he?”

“ He can speak for himself thank you,” Ramon shouted from the next room. 

“Yeah, I know Dad,” Eddie said. He followed Helena deeper into the house, into the kitchen so she could pull off the gloves, and then over to Ramon’s study, where he was seated in the recliner, a book open on his lap. Eddie leaned against the doorframe. “You look good.”

“I feel just dandy,” Ramon muttered. He closed his book with a snap and looked up. “You need to talk to your mother. She won’t let me do anything.” 

“You need to rest ,” Helena said. 

“All I wanted to do is take a walk,” his father said. 

“I’ll take you for a walk,” Eddie said, cutting across whatever his mother had been about to say. “Can I get some breakfast first though? All Adi had in her apartment was coffee and protein bars.” 

Helena perked up immediately at the prospect of having a task. “Yes! What do you want to eat? I can make you an omelette, or maybe some scones? I can warm up a blueberry one for you.”

“A scone sounds great,” Eddie said. 

His mom headed back to the kitchen and Eddie was left staring at his father. He looked… small. Ramon had always been a huge presence, an unstoppable force, the loudest person in the room. He commanded people’s attention and respect, for better or worse. But this man in front of him? He looked like he was about to disappear beneath the blanket tucked around his body. “How’re you feeling?” he asked eventually, breaking the silence. 

“Fine.”

“Dad.”

“I’m fine , Edmundo.” 

“Okay, you’re fine,” Eddie sighed. “I’ll come get you for the walk when I’m done eating.” 

Ramon grunted non committedly while Eddie backed out of the room and found his mom. She put a blueberry scone and a scoop of butter on a plate for him and sank down into the seat across the table. “How’d you sleep?” she asked. 

“Adriana’s couch is too short for me, but I slept okay. What about you?”

She shrugged and turned to look out the window above the sink. “I mostly laid there and counted your father’s breaths,” she said, the hint of a laugh on her breath. “Why does it feel like this family has suffered more medical emergencies than most? Especially recently,” she asked. 

It was Eddie’s turn to huff out a laugh. “Probably because we have.” He smiled at her and took a bite of the scone, chewing and swallowing before he said, “But we’re all okay, Mom.” 

Helena nodded, but Eddie saw the unshed tears in her eyes. “I know that. I just… I’ve come so close to losing you both in the last few months.” 

He squeezed her hand. “But you didn’t.” 

She nodded again and stood up from the table, the chair squeaking on the tile as she pushed it out. Helena cleared her throat and suddenly her usual facade was back in place. “He’s in a terrible mood this morning,” she informed him, the words short and clipped. “Prepare yourself.”

“I can take it,” Eddie said. “You should rest while we’re out though. Take a bath or something. I’ve got it.”

Helena squeezed his shoulder but didn’t respond and moved back to the sink. 

While she cleaned, Eddie finished his scone off in a few bites and steeled himself to get his father out the door. 

The walk was fine. Ramon grumbled the whole time, but being out in the sunshine and fresh air clearly improved his mood. On the second lap around the block, he started asking Eddie questions about work and Christopher. Then he asked, “How’s the girlfriend?” and Eddie froze. 

“What?” Ramon asked, looking at him sharply as he continued to take small, slow steps forward. “What is it?” 

“Uh… we actually broke up.” Eddie kept his hand at his father’s back but his eyes trained on the sidewalk ahead of them. 

“Why? What happened?” 

“Nothing happened,” Eddie said. “It just didn’t work out.” 

“But You didn’t tell us,” Ramon said, his voice hard. “You don’t tell us things anymore.” 

“I tell you the important things,” Eddie said quietly. It wasn’t even close to the truth, but it was the right thing to say. And even though Ramon didn’t respond, Eddie knew they were both thinking about the same thing. 

It had been a full week before Helena and Ramon were told about the shooting. Eddie had already been home for a few days when he FaceTimed them, Buck distracting Christopher in his bedroom, Isabela and Pepa waiting in the wings in case they lost their minds. They had. Immediately, Helena had pulled up her phone, seconds away from booking a flight to LA to “help” Eddie through his recovery. It had been an offer made out of love, Eddie knew, but to him it had just felt like a threat.  

It had taken all three of them to calm his parents down and convince them that he had enough of a support system there to help him through it already and it wasn’t worth the risk for either of them to fly given the pandemic still raging on across the country. 

But it wasn’t just the shooting. He hadn’t told them about the fighting or about the well, he’d only given them the barest of details about the tsunami, he’d kept the breakup quiet, and he definitely wasn’t going to talk about Buck with them. He’d been holding them at arms length for so long, he wasn’t sure he knew how to let them in again. 

When they shuffled back to the house, Eddie got his father settled and found his mother on her knees, viciously scrubbing the toilet in the hall bathroom. “I thought you were going to take a bath.”

“I planned to,” Helena said, without looking up. “But then I saw how filthy this toilet was and I just couldn’t leave it.” 

“Can I help?” 

“You could change the light bulb in the living room.”

“Done,” Eddie said. On autopilot, Eddie collected the step ladder from the garage, the spare light bulbs from the linen closet, and moved to the living room, trying not to block his father’s view of the basketball game he was watching on TV as he set up and climbed to the light fixture. He unscrewed the old bulb and slipped it into his pocket, glancing down at the television as cheers rang out from the speakers. 

“What game are you watching?”

“1993 Phoenix Suns vs. Chicago Bulls.” 

“1993?”

“It was an important playoff game.”

“Not much suspense when the game happened 28 years ago though, huh?” 

Ramon didn’t respond and Eddie bit back a sigh, replacing the bulb. “You should check out the Michael Jordan documentary series on Netflix,” he said. “It’s called The Last Dance and it goes through his whole career. Chris and I watched it last year.” 

“We don’t pay for Netflix.”

“Well you guys can use my password, if you want.”

Ramon grunted and reached for the remote to turn up the volume. Clearly dismissed, Eddie descended the ladder, gathered it up, and retreated from the room, leaving his father alone to brood. 

For the rest of the day, Eddie flitted around the house, doing odd jobs. He fixed the weather stripping on the windows, the cracked flagstones in the front yard, the loose railing on the back deck, the broken picture frame on the mantel - anything to keep him occupied and his hands busy. 

He had just finished returning the broom to the laundry room when the front door of the house opened and his sisters burst in, carrying bags and bags of takeout. 

“We have arrived,” Adriana announced, kicking off her white sneakers and flinging them into the wall. 

“And we brought food,” Sophia said. She bent down and rearranged both her shoes and Adriana’s so they were in a neat line. 

“From Las Palmas?” Helena asked, rounding the corner. 

“Of course.” Adriana handed all of the bags she was holding to Eddie and strode to the couch, bending down to kiss Ramon’s cheek. “Hi Dad, how are you feeling?”

“Did you get me flautas?”

“Yes.”

“Then I’m fine,” Ramon said. He reached a hand up and Adi gripped it, gently helping him to his feet. 

It was a good spread. Enchiladas and brisket tacos and tamales and chile con queso and tampiqueno steak, with two pitchers of iced water and a bottle of Perrier and all five Diazes crowded around the kitchen table. At the prospect of “real food” and not another meal of salmon and wilted spinach, Ramon was actually smiling and joking with his kids, talking through a full mouth of tortilla chips. 

The lighthearted atmosphere lasted a whole ten minutes, shattering when Helena turned to Eddie and said lightly, “You should have brought Christopher with you.” 

Even though his blood pressure immediately spiked, Eddie was determined to make it all the way through this meal without losing his cool. He exhaled through his nose. “Next time Mom. Chris is just getting back into a routine with school and in-person classes. I didn’t want to disrupt that.” 

“Christmas, then,” Helena said. “You’ll both come home for Christmas and stay for a while.” She reached over and grabbed another taco from the platter in the middle of the table. “You know, the youngest Morales boy just became a firefighter. There’s a station just 15 minutes away that’s still hiring.” 

Eddie’s hand clenched into a fist in his lap. “Christmas sounds good,” he said, fighting to keep his voice level. “I’ll see what I can do.”

“You should bring Ana too, we’d love to meet her,” 

He bit down on the inside of his cheek and glanced at his father involuntarily. Ramon was already watching him. “Edmundo broke up with her.”

“What? When?” Helena asked, looking between her husband and her son. 

“I don’t know,” Ramon said. 

Helena turned her sharp brown eyes to him. “When did this happen?”

There was no point lying now. “A few weeks ago,” he said.

“A few weeks? But yesterday, you said–”

“I know what I said, Mom. I just didn’t think it was the right time to get into it.”

“Were you even planning on telling us?” 

“Of course I was.”

His mother huffed in disbelief and focused on her daughters. “Did the two of you know about this?”

“It’s none of our business, Mom,” Adriana said immediately. “It’s Eddie’s life.”

Helena leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest. “Of course not. Nothing is ever our business.” She cast her eyes up to the ceiling, as if calling on a higher power to give her strength and patience. It was a familiar move. “We’re terrible parents for wanting to know what’s going on in our childrens’ lives.”

Eddie could hear the eyerolls from both Sophia and Adriana. “Right, because that’s what I said,” Adi said, exasperated. “All I meant was that he can decide when he wants to tell people things.”

“If it was up to Eddie, he would never tell us anything.” Helena was muttering, but at a volume that everyone could easily hear. 

“Can we please stop talking about it like I’m not in the room?” Eddie asked. “Of course I was going to tell you. I just needed some time.”

“Just like you needed time after the shooting,” Helena snapped. 

Together, all three of Helena’s kids groaned. “Yeah,” Eddie said, irritation bleeding into the single syllable. “Excuse me for needing a few days to regain consciousness, wrap my head around the recovery process, and settle back in at home before I called you.”

“We could have been there for you, for Christopher.”

“I had it handled.”

His parents made twin sounds of disbelief and Eddie clenched his jaw so hard, he heard it click. “He’s still alive, isn’t he?” Eddie spat out. “He’s healthy and happy and you can see it for yourself tonight when we FaceTime with him.” 

The promise of a FaceTime call with their grandson seemed to mollify them enough that they didn’t snipe back. In the resulting silence, Sophia jumped in to change the subject and invite their parents over for dinner with her and her boyfriend - Daniel - the next week when he returned from a work trip in Portland. “We finished furnishing the dining room so it’s ready for guests now,” she was saying. 

Eddie tuned out the rest of the conversation and focused on eating his way through the food piled on his plate. He could barely taste it, but kept chewing methodically until it was wiped clean and Sophia started packing the leftovers into tupperware containers to fill the fridge. Leaving his dishes on the table, Ramon returned to the couch and they heard the TV click back on, the local news relaying the story of a botched carjacking downtown while Eddie and Adriana stood to help their sister clear up. Helena stood too, hovering until Sophia tossed a fork in the sink and frog-marched her into the living room to join Ramon. 

Thirty seconds later, she reappeared, making a beeline to the fridge. She withdrew a bottle of white wine and poured all three of them full glasses. They cheersed silently and took a few gulps before Eddie put his glass down on the counter and muttered, “I always forget how fun it is to come home.”

“You’re doing fine,” Adriana said, grabbing his arm with her free hand and squeezing once, hard. 

“They just miss you and Chris,” Sophia said. The middle-child peacemaker, always. 

“Yeah Soph, I know.” He was mad now, his words harsh and clipped. “I know they miss him, but it’s not just about that. They want us here so they can supervise my parenting and so they can micromanage every fucking thing about our lives. I don’t want that. That’s why I–” he cut himself off with a strangled noise. Fuck , he thought. 

“What?” Sophia asked. “That’s why you what?”

“Nothing.” He picked up the wine glass again and took a long sip.

“Eddie.”

“Fine. That’s why I don’t visit more often.” 

“That’s not what you were going to say.”

“Drop it Sophia.”

She let out a noise that almost sounded like a growl and threw her hands up, looking so much like Helena that for one semi-hysterical moment, Eddie very nearly laughed in her face. “Y’know, maybe they have a point,” she said. “You really don’t tell us anything anymore.”

“I wonder why,” he fired back immediately. 

Sophia threw the tea towel she was holding down onto the table and turned to leave the kitchen without another word. He counted to ten in his head and then Eddie turned to his youngest sister and saw her calmly take another sip of wine. 

“You got something to say to me too?”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Then pick up a fucking sponge.”

Adriana rolled her eyes, but she set her wine glass down, flicked on the faucet, and grabbed the sponge. They cleaned in silence, until the last dish had been loaded and the dishwasher had been turned on. With no more excuses to keep hiding in the kitchen, Eddie and Adriana entered the living room and found Helena and Ramon still watching the news from the couch, Sophia sitting curled up in an armchair, furiously typing on her phone. 

“I’m going to call Christopher now,” Eddie announced. He pulled his phone out of his back pocket and navigated to Tia Pepa’s contact. 

Because he was a coward, Eddie had strategically ensured that the family FaceTime call was taking place on the one night when Buck was working a 24 hour shift and Chris was sleeping over at Pepa’s. He wasn’t going to outright lie to his parents and if they asked, he would tell them the truth, but he also wasn’t going to go out of his way to invite the question. So if this made it seem like Chris was staying with a member of the Diaz family, that was alright with him. 

Pepa answered the call from her iPad, her face five inches from the screen, cut off so they could only see her forehead. “Give me a moment,” she said as the screen went black. Ramon and Helena scootched closer together so Eddie could sit beside them. He positioned his phone on the coffee table so they could have a better view and the screen came back online, with both Pepa and Christopher in the frame. 

After saying ‘hi’ to his son, Eddie let his parents drive the conversation. He reclined on the couch, sinking into the cushions as Chris told his grandparents what he did in school, the teachers he was excited about this year, the physical and speech therapy exercises he did with Carla that afternoon, until Chris said, “Dad.”

Eddie popped back into the frame and he continued, “Buck and I finished The Titan’s Curse last night and he said he would pick up The Battle of the Labyrinth on his way to pick me up tomorrow if it was okay with you.”

Suddenly, it felt as though dinner was sitting like a lead ball in his gut. His parents were looking at him now, but Eddie kept his eyes on the screen. “Yeah, of course that’s okay. Just make sure you say thank you when he gives it to you.”

“Obviously,” Chris said. “We’re probably going to the movies tomorrow too. Maybe the park.”

“That’s great buddy, sounds like fun,” Eddie said. “Remember though, you can’t go see that new Marvel movie without me.”

“I know,” Chris said. “I already reminded Buck.”

“Good,” Eddie said, and he could still feel his parents’ eyes on him like pin pricks. “I think we’re going to say goodnight now though Chris. Sleep well, be good for Pepa, and have a good day tomorrow. I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”

Chris nodded and Eddie’s parents and sisters all chimed in to say goodnight. They exchanged ‘ love yous ’ and then the screen went dark and Eddie couldn’t avoid looking up any longer. He was expecting questions, his parents grilling him to find out why Buck was picking Christopher up the next day, but instead, all Ramon did was turn off mute so the sound of Entertainment Tonight filled the room. Helena was still watching him, but even she stayed quiet, her fingers worrying at the blanket on her lap. 

After another bizarrely silent hour, Adriana and Sophia both went home, leaving Eddie with his mute parents. 

The front door had barely closed behind his sisters when Eddie’s phone buzzed on his thigh. He turned it over and saw Buck’s name on the screen. Talked to Pepa - her and Chris are all good. How are you?

Eddie chewed on his bottom lip. How was he? Losing his mind, thanks for asking. I know, we talked to them a little while ago. Let me know how much I owe you for the book.

The response was immediate. Don’t worry about it . Then, How are you? Leave it to Buck to not let him get away with evading that question. He was a split second away from responding and telling Buck he was fine, but he’d said and heard that word so many times today that it didn’t even sound like a word anymore. I’ve been better. Today was hard, dinner was tense, and no one’s spoken in the last 45 minutes. How’s work?

Also been better. Couple of rough calls. 

Eddie’s stomach clenched as his mind immediately leapt to a thousand conclusions. Was Buck hurt and downplaying it? Or was it just the usual bad day? Eddie briefly hated himself for not being there in person so he and Buck could hunker down in the loft to play Go Fish or Bullshit while everyone else hit the bunk room. 

You okay?  

Yeah, fine. I just like rope rescues better when you’re on the other end.

That did complicated things to Eddie’s insides. There was a (not small) part of him that loved that Buck said that, felt that way, that their partnership was as ingrained into him as it was in Eddie. On the other hand, he liked it better when he was on the other end of Buck’s rope rescues too. It made him nervous to picture Buck rappelling down a building without him nearby. 

Me too , he replied. Call me if you want to talk later. I’ll probably be up.

Still not sleeping?

Hit or miss. 

Fingers crossed tonight’s a hit. 

I’m not holding my breath , Eddie sent. You back at the station?

On the rig, heading back from an MVA . There was a beat, and then a second text came in. Multiple casualties.

Eddie closed his eyes and he could picture the team on the engine, sitting in silence, all in their own heads about losing people and going over what they could have done differently. He felt a bone-deep ache, wishing he was there, sitting next to Buck, within arms reach. Fuck, sorry , he sent. 

It’s okay. I’ll let you go though. Sending sleepy vibes your way. 

Hope the rest of the shift is better. Night Buck. 

Night . 

Locking his phone and dropping it back on his lap, Eddie looked up and found Helena’s eyes on him again. Caught, she looked away, cutting her gaze back to the TV and Eddie knew that it was taking enormous effort for her to not ask who he was texting. 

“I think I’m going to head to bed,” Eddie said, standing. 

“It’s 9:30, Eddie.”

“I know.” He pocketed his phone and ran a hand over his eyes. “Are you guys okay or do you need any help?”

Ramon spoke for the first time since Sophia and Adriana left, but his eyes didn’t leave the TV. “We’re fine.”

“Okay. Goodnight.” 

It was surreal to be getting ready for bed in this house again. For the first time in a decade, he was brushing his teeth in the small hall bathroom, ducking down to see his full face in the mirror that Ramon had hung just slightly too low, drying his face with the white and pink floral hand towels. The bedroom he was sleeping in used to be his too, but somewhere along the line, it had been renovated to look completely generic for guests. All the photos and posters he had on his walls growing up had been taken down, all his momentos and photos and books packed away in boxes and shoved in the closet. Even the walls had been painted - slate grey replaced with brilliant white. 

Eddie lay on the bed, staring up at the ceiling, his phone on the pillow beside his head with the ringer on high, just in case. 

He was just starting to doze off around midnight when it rang, loud and irritating in his ear, jolting him awake. In the dark, he fumbled for his phone, nearly sending it flying off the bed as he swiped to answer. 

“Hello?”

“Fuck, did I wake you up?”

“No. I was awake. I am awake.”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have just called.”

“Buck,” Eddie said, loud and firm. He winced as the sound reverberated a little in the sparse room and he lowered his voice. “You can always call. Just give me a second, okay?”

There was a split second of hesitation and then Buck said, “Okay.”

Eddie got off the bed, eased the door open, and walked quietly down the hall. As he avoided the squeaky floorboard in front of the linen closet, he remembered the thousands of times he’d done this as a teenager. Between sneaking out for bonfires or creeping into the kitchen for a late night snack, he’d become an expert at maneuvering around every inch of the house. Closing the sliding glass door behind him, Eddie walked out with bare feet into dewy grass, and lifted the phone back to his ear. “Still there?”

“Yeah.” There was a beat of silence and then Buck asked, “What were you doing?”

“Moving into the backyard. My dad was already the world’s lightest sleeper before this, I didn’t want to risk waking him.” He paused. “You want to talk about it?”

“Not even a little bit,” Buck said. 

Eddie exhaled a soft laugh and tilted his head to face up to the night sky. “Okay.” He’d almost forgotten how much less light pollution there was in the suburbs of El Paso compared to LA. He could actually see the stars out here, the moon bright and crystal clear without any clouds to obstruct it. It was a cold night too, crisp breeze rustling the bushes, and Eddie shivered a little in his t-shirt and threadbare pyjama pants. 

“How was your day?” Buck asked. 

“Peachy.” Eddie walked over to one of the lawn chairs and sat down, reclining his head so it was hanging over the back of the chair, frozen metal slat digging into his neck. “Spent it cleaning and doing odd repair jobs, taking my dad on a very slow walk around the block, eating a ton of food, and dodging enormous guilt trips. The usual.”

“Guilt trips about what?”

“Moving back to Texas.”

On the other end of the phone, there was a quiet noise and a shaky inhale. “Are you thinking about it?”

“Not even a little bit,” Eddie said immediately, echoing Buck’s words. 

Buck huffed out a laugh and Eddie wondered if he was imagining the relief in his voice when he said, “Okay, good.”

“I found my old yearbooks while I was organizing the spare room. Maybe I’ll bring a couple of them home with me.”

“Oh my god, yes please. I absolutely want to see that,” Buck said. “Were you in any weird clubs?”

“I guess it depends on your definition of weird,” Eddie said. He sat up straighter in the chair and cracked his neck. “I was on the swim team for a while, and I played football for a couple of years.” 

“Sports aren’t weird, Eddie. I want to know if you were an AV nerd or something.”

Eddie thought about it for a moment. “Photography club.”

“Really?” Buck laughed. 

“Yeah, sophomore Eddie thought he was an artist.”

“What about now?”

“Now my picture-taking is strictly limited to documenting Christopher on my iPhone. Fewer artistically crafted shots, more photos of baking projects and assembled legos.” 

Buck laughed again and Eddie smiled, counting the sound as a win and allowing himself a mental pat on the back for how much more relaxed Buck sounded now than at the beginning of their conversation. “The joys of parenthood,” Buck said. 

“Hey, let’s compare camera rolls when I get home because I’m willing to bet that yours is going to look exactly the same.”

Buck was quiet for a moment, but there was a smile in his voice when he said, “Yeah, probably.” Eddie heard the sound of running water over the phone and Buck said, “So what else? What was high school Eddie like?”

“He was boring.”

“I don’t buy that for a minute,” Buck said. “Come on, don’t hold out on me man. Did you ever like… get blackout drunk at a party? Make out with someone you shouldn’t have? Fail a class?”

“No, no, and no,” Eddie said. “Seriously Buck, I was so boring. I played football, but I wasn’t first string. I liked learning, but I wasn’t getting straight As. I dated, but I didn’t have girlfriends. I had friends, but I wasn’t anyone’s best friend. My high school experience was exceedingly mediocre.” 

“You didn’t have a best friend?”

Eddie snorted. Of course that was what Buck had latched onto. “No,” he said. “I’d never really had a best friend until–” He bit down on his bottom lip, forcibly cutting himself off, and ran a hand through his hair. 

“Until?” Buck prompted. 

He felt his face flush as he said, “Until you.” 

There was a beat of heavy silence before Buck said, “Well, I’m honoured,” with a little too much sincerity to just be making fun of him. The tips of Eddie’s ears were still hot and he felt a little like a third grader. Then, Buck asked, “Do you have any idea when you might be home?” and Eddie’s chest seized. 

“Shit Buck, I’m sorry. I know it’s a lot. I can call Pepa or Carla to take Chris if you–”

“Whoa!” Buck cut him off quickly. “Eddie, no. That is absolutely not what I meant. I love hanging out with Chris so much and we’re good, okay? Stay there as long as you need to, as long as your parents need you to.” He paused. “We just miss you.” 

Panic bled from his body as quickly as it had erupted and Eddie felt a lump form in his throat. “I miss you guys too. A lot.” So fucking much it was nearly killing him. 

Buck cleared his throat. “I should hit the hay. I’m picking Christopher up at 10 and we have a full day planned.” 

“I heard,” Eddie said, smiling a little. “Movies and then the park.” As he stood up from the lawn chair, something occurred to him. “Hey, are you at your place or mine tonight?”

“Uh, yours actually,” Buck sounded uncertain, almost embarrassed. “I kinda drove here on autopilot after shift and was too tired to get back in the car.”

“Don’t sleep on the couch.”

“What?”

“Crash in my room,” Eddie said, before he could overanalyze the words that were coming out of his mouth. “You’re exhausted and I know my couch is comfortable, but it’s not that comfortable.” When Buck didn’t immediately respond, Eddie aimed for a joke. “I washed the sheets before I left, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“No, that’s not–” Buck stopped. “Yeah, okay. Thanks.”

“Good night Buck.”

“Night.” 

For a moment, they both lingered, breathing quietly into their phones, and Eddie opened his mouth to say… what, exactly? No, you hang up first . But Buck put them both out of their misery a second later and then there was nothing but white noise in his ear. 

If he hadn’t already been wishing he was back in LA, the image of Buck slipping into his bed, fresh from a shower, dressed in soft clothes, curling up in his sheets and resting his head on Eddie’s pillow definitely would have done it. He would consider selling several vital organs if it meant he could teleport back to his house and be there with him. Eddie let himself imagine sliding under the sheets next to Buck. How different would it feel to share a bed now than it did during the early days of the pandemic? Back then, he’d barely been holding it together - too anxious, guilty, sad about not being with Chris - and not yet aware of being in love with the man sleeping a foot away from him.  

It had been an enormous comfort those few months. He’d resisted it at first, offering to dig his army cot out of storage or to sleep on the floor. He’d even tried to drag a pillow and a blanket into Buck’s bathtub, but after the shift where they’d lost their first patient to COVID-19 on the way to the hospital, Buck had just grabbed his wrist and dragged him up the stairs to the loft without a word. After that, those twenty or thirty minutes before slipping into unconsciousness became Eddie’s favourite time of the day. Whether they were discussing what to make for breakfast the next morning or Buck was showing him random food or science TikToks or they didn’t speak at all, having Buck beside him at the end of the day had always settled him, made him feel like things were eventually going to be okay again. Maybe if he’d taken five seconds to examine that, he’d have realized much sooner that ‘best friend’ didn’t begin to encompass his feelings for Buck. 

Now, he thought, laying down next to him would be a hell of a lot scarier. But he still wished he was there, getting ready to fall asleep in his quiet house with Buck. 

The next two days flew by in a blur of follow-up doctors appointments, gatherings with every family member they had within a 50 mile radius of the city, multiple arguments with his father about his new diet, and countless drives between his parents’ house, Adriana’s apartment and Sophia’s townhome.  

Eddie was fucking exhausted. 

But he was still putting one foot in front of the other, if only because he had his nightly FaceTime calls with Christopher and Buck to look forward to at the end of each day. 

Today though… today, not even that was enough to give him the patience he needed to survive. 

It was Sunday. Which, for Helena and Ramon, meant church - recent heart attack be damned. 

So, Eddie was standing outside Sacred Heart Parish in a pair of his father’s old dress pants and a black button-up shirt he had thrown into his duffle bag at the last minute, flanked by his entire family, about to step inside a place of worship for the first time since Shannon died. 

“You okay?” Adriana muttered to him as they stepped past the threshold and paused at the entrance to dunk their hands into the font of Holy Water.

“Sure,” he said under his breath. He did the sign of the cross, blessing himself. “Like riding a bike.” She rolled her eyes, returning his smirk with one of her own, and led the way into the sanctuary. 

The smell of incense hit his nostrils as he passed the first pew and Eddie was body-slammed into decades of sense memories all at once. This was where he’d spent eight years worth of Monday nights in Catechism, where he’d had his First Communion, where he’d confessed hundreds of stupid (and mostly made up) sins, where he’d been Confirmed, where Christopher had been baptized. This building, with its stained glass windows and marble floors and high ceilings, had been the setting of a solid chunk of his childhood and back then, he’d loved every minute of it. 

For an hour every week, he’d gotten to sit and listen to stories and music before spending the rest of the day with his family, making food and eating together, dressed in their Sunday finest. 

But this place was also where he’d first been taught that homosexuality was an abomination, that abortion was tantamount to murder, that women were made to obey their husbands. It had taken him a long fucking time to unlearn all that bullshit and more. 

Eddie sat down in the pew between his sisters and kept his eyes trained on the crucifix hanging from the ceiling above the altar. 

He wasn’t sure if he still believed in God - he definitely didn’t believe in organized religion anymore - but, he thought he believed in it enough to be comforted by the thought that there was maybe something else out there. A higher power, a force for good. 

The choir started singing, a familiar hymn, and a procession of altar boys made its way to the pulpit. When he caught sight of the priest’s face, Eddie almost choked. “Is that Father Vincent?” he hissed to Sophia. 

She nodded without looking at him. 

“Jesus,” Eddie breathed, wincing a little when his sister turned to glare at him. Right , Eddie reminded himself. It was generally frowned upon to take the Lord’s name in vain in a church. “I thought for sure he’d have died by now. How old is he?”

From his left, Adriana snorted and Helena leaned forward to glare at each of her children as Father Vincent spread his arms and said, “In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit.”

As it turned out, it really was like riding a bike. Despite not sitting through a full Catholic mass in over a decade, Eddie still remembered when to stand and when to sit and when to kneel, he remembered more psalm and hymn lyrics than anticipated, and he could still recite Our Father, Hail Mary, and the Apostle’s Creed from memory. He was kind of impressed, but he also couldn’t help wondering what he could do with the extra mental capacity if he could purge this stuff from his brain. Maybe he’d finally be able to learn Swedish. 

Out of self-preservation, Eddie tuned out the homily in favour of counting the individual panes on the stained glass windows behind the crucifix and he’d only reached 134 when the altar boys scurried to help Father Vincent extract the Eucharist from the tabernacle. 

When the priest called the congregation to come forward for Communion, Eddie’s family stood, but he stayed seated. 

“Are you…?” Adriana trailed off, jerking her head up to the altar. Eddie shook his head and Adi shrugged, scooting past him to fall into line behind Sophia. 

He could feel Helena and Ramon glaring at him, but they refused to ever so much as whisper in church, so they wouldn’t push it until they were safely outside in the parking lot. 

Truthfully, he didn’t know why he’d chosen this hill to die on, but there was something about walking to the front of the sanctuary, taking the Host, and genuflecting in front of the priest that felt too much like complicity. Like acceptance. So instead, he sat on his quietly bisexual ass and thought about what Christopher and Buck might be doing in that moment, 800 miles away. 

After mass, while his parents milled around and chatted with their neighbours and church friends, Eddie found himself wandering over to the rows of votive candles flickering against the stone wall. 75 per cent of the candles had been lit, holding the hopes of dozens of people praying for their loved ones. He fished his wallet from the pocket of his pants and withdrew a five dollar bill, dropping it into the small donation box and grabbing a few matches. 

The first candle, he lit for his parents. Please keep them healthy and help them to open their minds. 

The second was for his sisters. May they always be happy and fulfilled, even through the hard times. 

Next, he lit a candle for Shannon. Wherever you are, I know you’re watching over our son and are just as proud of him as I always am. 

For Christopher, he picked a candle in the top row. Let him never lose his curiosity, determination, sense of humour, and kind heart. 

There was another candle in the centre of the rack. It was a little lopsided, previously melted wax running down over the edge of the red glass holder, wick drooping to one side. Well loved. That one he lit for Buck. Thank you for bringing him into my life. 

Eddie dropped the last charred, extinguished match into the garbage can, wiped his eyes with his thumbs and went to find his family. 

“Look at us,” Helena said, her glass raised. “All around one table, sharing a meal.”

“We had dinner together last night,” Adriana pointed out as she took a sip of wine. 

Helena continued as though her youngest daughter hadn’t spoken. “We have so much to celebrate. Ramon’s health, Adriana’s upcoming graduation from grad school, Sophia getting engaged…”

“Whoa, do you know something I don’t?” Sophia interjected, raising a finger. 

Again, Helena ignored the interruption. “So many major milestones giving us the opportunity to come together as a family under one roof and enjoy each other’s company,” she said. Eddie poked at the slice of vegan, low sugar “cheesecake” on his plate with his fork and stared hard at the indentation it left on the surface of the weirdly shiny filling. “It’s so important to be with family. Especially in times like these. You just never know what’s going to happen.”

Don’t take the bait , Eddie reprimanded himself sternly. Ignore her . He smashed the tines of his fork into the dry crust, reducing it to powder. 

“I mean, god forbid your father had died from this heart attack, the last time he would have seen his son or grandson would have been almost a year and a half ago.” 

His fork clattered to the table as Eddie clenched his hands into fists in his lap. “I was home seven months ago,” he said, fighting to keep his voice steady. 

“For a single evening. With your whole team,” Helena said. She waved her hand vaguely. “And no Christopher. We haven’t seen him in so long, Eddie.”

“I know ,” he snapped. It felt like his body was one giant frayed wire, hissing and sparking, ready to explode at the slightest provocation - the product of a lack of sleep and too much anxiety and the constant needling from his parents. He was exhausted. He was done. “I know, and I’m sorry. But we are still not moving back here.” 

His mother’s brown eyes flashed angrily. “We are not getting any younger and our only grandson is living halfway across the country with a father who has had more near death experiences than anyone should,” she snapped back, her voice steely. “What would have happened if you hadn’t survived the shooting, huh? Who would have taken care of Christopher? You are being completely irresponsible.” There were echoes of ‘ Don’t drag him down with you’ in her words. 

“I’m not an idiot, Mom. I have a will, I have a plan .”

“What plan? Your abuela? Pepa? Those aren’t plans . They’re both too old to care for a child full time.” 

“I know that,” he said, gritting the words from between clenched teeth. 

“Then who? Shannon’s gone, her family’s gone. Who’s left, Edmundo?”

“Buck.” The name was out of his mouth before Eddie even registered that he had spoken. Both of his sisters turned to look at him sharply before turning back to their parents. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw them sit up straighter, their shoulders squared, ready for a fight. Ready to jump to his defense if they had to. Eddie took a deep breath and forced himself to meet his mother’s eyes. 

“Buck?” Eddie hated the way she said his name - baffled, derisive, dismissive. “Your co-worker?”

“He’s not just my co-worker.”

“Yes, I know he’s your friend too, but that does not qualify him to become the legal guardian of your son, Eddie.” The condescension and disdain in her voice was what finally broke him. 

“You don’t know him,” Eddie said, his words steady and firm. He refused to get drawn into a shouting match over this. Yelling was Helena and Ramon’s M.O. but it had never been his and he knew it wouldn’t get through to them. Actually, it was pretty likely that nothing was going to get through to his parents, but he wasn’t going to waste more breath than absolutely necessary having this argument. “You don’t know him and you have no right to pass judgment on him, or on me, for making this decision.” 

“Eddie.” Helena sighed, like he was five years old again and throwing a temper tantrum, and she just wasn’t fucking getting it. 

“Buck is kind and generous and he’s incredible with Christopher. He knows and loves that kid almost as much as I do, but more importantly, Chris loves Buck. That is what qualifies him to be my son’s legal guardian.”

“You can’t– you’re serious about this,” Helena said, her eyes wide. 

“Edmundo, this is insane.” Ramon had stayed silent through the whole exchange, but now he was staring at him incredulously, mouth hanging slightly open. 

Eddie pushed away from the table and stood, his chair screeching as it slid across the tile. 

Adriana’s hand snapped out and closed around Eddie’s wrist, but when she spoke, it wasn’t to him. “In case you’ve forgotten, Christopher is Eddie’s son,” she said, glaring at each of their parents. “Eddie’s. Not yours. It doesn’t matter what you think.” 

“Oh, for goodness sake.” Helena slammed her glass on the table so hard that a bit of red wine splashed out and immediately stained the white tablecloth. “Your brother does not need you to defend him, Adriana.” 

Like a tiny, yappy puppy picking a fight with a Great Dane, Adi’s upper lip curled and she leaned forward, practically snarling. “Maybe if you–” 

Eddie cut her off, holding out a hand, and the words died on her lips. He looked between his mother and father. “I know that you’re both hardwired to have an opinion on everything, but you don’t get a vote on this. I’m not asking for suggestions or feedback. It’s already done. It’s been done for more than a year. Figure out how to deal with it.”

He snatched his jacket from the back of his chair, patting the pocket to make sure the keys to his rental car were still there, and directed his next words to his sisters. “I’m going out. I’ll be back before dinner.”