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As he listens to Hartley cry out in pain from being electrocuted in the bits, Booth would like to point out that this is, in no shape or form, his fault.
Really.
He's not even being sarcastic this time.
Hartley yells behind him and Booth grimaces in sympathy. It doesn’t sound fun.
That can't be what the guy signed up for when he and Bishop became partners.
Would now be a good time to let them know he was aware of it?
The thing is, Booth loves being a thief. All the excitement, and the adrenaline rush, and the elation of pulling a job well done, feeling the weight of what he stole in his hands...
Because Hartley had been right about it when they first met. It's not about the money, it hasn't been about that for a long time if he's being honest.
It's about knowing that he doesn't need to beg anyone in order to get things he enjoys, like he had to when he was a child. It's about waking up in the morning and staring at a coveted painting he slipped from a museum because he liked the colors.
It's about the challenge, looking at the puzzle pieces and taking them apart until he can slip through the cracks. There's a reason why his favorite jobs are the ones where the human factor is in play. Going around technology takes skill, but going against the inherent unpredictability of people is where the challenge really lies, it's what makes the adrenaline bump and the endorphins rush with excitement.
Loving making all the tiny pieces click together until it all cracks open on his hands is what makes him the best thief in the world...
But being the best thief in the world, having the skills to go bigger and bigger means that getting jobs with the same level of difficulty he adores starts to get harder.
He loves stealing! Don't get him wrong! It's just that sometimes things wind down and the fun dries out.
So he decided to see where the Bishop's little ploy would lead. Sue him. If anything, he was taking this as a palate cleanser in between jobs.
The prison escape was fun! It's not every day one steals a Russian chopper and makes a soap bomb.
The party was fun... for the most part. Timing the guards and using the face change program and creating blind spots out of thin air was nice, it even gave him some ideas for next jobs.
Hartley mucking up, on the other hand, had been way too stressing and not in a fun butterflies-on-the-stomach way. Honestly, that had been the closest Booth came to dropping the whole charade out of sheer frustation.
So, yeah, it was nice. He had fun. Would give them a good rating on Yelp.
But, seriously ? A freaking bullfighting stadium ? Are they planning to drag this out for much longer?
Booth thinks about it.
Let this play out and make them cut close on the wedding deadline...
...Or give them the answer and watch them scramble to make it there on time.
Ooo, was this the secret to unlock the Double-cross Monologue™? Man, he really wanted to see what route they would go with. Door number two it was, then.
"Okay, stop, stop. I’ll tell you, all right? It’s in Egypt."
"Where in Egypt?"
"There’s a hidden chamber in the Great Pyramid. LiDAR discovered it a year ago, but they haven’t opened it yet."
"How do you know the egg is there?"
Booth almost snickers on her face. Really? This is how they are planning on playing it? Girl, just give the speech already.
Well, fine by him. But if they'll insist on dragging this out like this, Booth will make a last funny crack out of it, thank you very much.
"My mother was an Egyptologist. I could read hieroglyphics before I could read English. That hidden chamber is the secret tomb of Cleopatra, they buried the third egg there when the other two went missing, the scans show it sitting there plain as day. The third egg never left Egypt."
There. Now she will shock Hartley again, demanding for the true answer. Booth will tearily give it to her, just in time for him to prepare a shocked face when she releases Hartley and gives him The Talk .
Booth could do a mean kicked puppy face--
"He’s not lying." Wait, what? "I read about the chamber. Was that so hard? Shall we celebrate?"
Bishop sees his incredulous face and must take it as him being surprised for her drugging Sotto Voce because she looks very pleased.
Booth stops registering the events around him.
Error 505. Brain does not compute.
Why isn't she grabbing Hartley and skipping out towards the sunset to grab the...
Oh.
Behind him Hartley acts out an escape for them, but Booth is only peripherally aware of it.
They didn't believe me about the egg being in Egypt .
... It was the crack about his mom, wasn't it? Damn.
But he and Hartley even had a heart-to-heart about that one time when his dad also didn’t believe him...
This is. Awkward.
How do you tell the people that think you know where the X of the treasure is that you have already told them?
No, no, Hartley, you don’t understand. I already told you and Bishop the real location when you were being electrocuted downtown and we were almost trampled by a bull afterwards.
Yeah, no.
Why does he keep getting stuck in the middle of problems like this?
Is it his amazing looks? Shining personality? Amazing sense of humor and sarcasm?
Well, Booth had been putting off a vacation for sometime now, maybe he should just take the opportunity. He always wanted to visit Argentina.
Yeah, he was going for it. He would give them one last chance at realising their faux pas, they would all give embarrassed laughter and move on, it was going to be fine.
~*~
It wasn't going to be fine.
Booth told the most outrageous story he could think of on the train to make sure they figured out their mistake.
~*~
They don't figure out their mistake.
~*~
Booth catches Bishop's red hat out of the corner of his eyes.
Shit. Really? Both of them are here? Not one of them even thought about checking it out?
~*~
Honestly people. Shouldn't you all be able to tell sarcasm and honesty apart? Has the education system really failed this hard?
~*~
And that's how, days later, Booth ends up in front of a convenience store, getting ready to venture into the forest, holding a fake map he drew with a sharpie and dyed with coffee, having hoped that someone would just call him out on it.
Booth had lost all sense of self-embarrassment ages ago, but even he felt like the ensuing talk would be so awkward ...
But their faces though, thought the gremlin part of Booth’s brain. It was going to be gold.
~*~
Booth opened his phone.
Wikihow: How to tell someone who thinks you are lying that you actually told the truth, but now they’ve already come with you to Argentina and the mistake is thick enough to choke on it.
~*~
Nolan, check out this other news which might interest you!
[ArtSight] New museum collection arrives in Belgium.
[Movies Critique] Should Spiderpool happen on the MCU?
[CNN] Breaking news! Hidden chamber is opened and archaeologists find missing treasure.
~*~
Booth crackles in glee.
That timing is just *chef’s kiss*
~*~
“What are you laughing at?”
Booth looks up from his cellphone, straightening up from where he had been leaning on his car and aims a gleeful smirk at Hartley, who freezes on the spot, alarm bells going off on his head.
“Hey, Hartley, call your partner. There’s something you two need to see.”
“Partner? What are you talking abou--”
Booth rolls his eyes. “Oh my god, do we really have to do this?” Booth walks past Hartley, heading for the convenience store. “I know about you and Bishop. Now, hurry up and call her! I know she probably isn’t very far.”
Booth ignores the spluttering behind his back and walks in the establishment, heading towards the cashier.
He gives the woman a friendly smile and greets her. “Could you please put the TV on the news channel?”
The woman blinks, but turns around to the TV in the corner and turns it on.
The bell over the door rings. Two sets of footsteps walk right up to him.
“Booth, we need to talk--”
“--talking with the archaeologist who made the discovery. So this is the infamous third one of Cleopatra’s eggs, an artifact who has been lost for more than a millenia--”
Booth turns around to watch Bishop and Hartley’s faces. Their jaws slowly drop as a photo of the relic is shown.
Slowly, very slowly, they turn to stare at Booth.
“--art collectors all over the globe are salivating over this priceless treasure--”
Bishop gapes. “How--”
“--it has just been found after the hidden chamber in the Great Pyramid got opened--”
Hartley and Bishop stare blankly at the TV.
“It was in the Great Pyramid,” says Hartley flatly.
“Uhum.”
“In the secret chamber.”
“Uhum.”
“Just like you said it would be.”
“Yep.”
Bishop shook her head. “But… you lied…”
Booth groans. “Seriously, what’s up with people not believing me when I tell the truth.”
“But--! The story with your mother--!”
“That was sarcasm ! It’s not lying! And it clearly dissonated from the rest of the story! I thought you would press me and get the real answer after!”
“Do you mean to tell me that if I had just gone to Egypt that day… I would have gotten the egg.”
“I mean, you would have to steal it, but yeah, sure.”
Hartley blinked. “But what about your dad’s watch and the bunker?”
“Dude. ”
Hartley grimaced. “Yeah, fair enough. What are we even doing in Argentina, then?”
“Taking a vacation?”
Hartley shook his head and threw his hands up, in an I give up gesture. Bishop huffed, but went to buy herself some snacks, looking over some postcards to decide where the best tourist traps were.
When faced with both Booth and Bishop getting on on the vacation train, Hartley just gave up and joined them. He didn’t stand a chance against the combined force of those two.
It’s not like they had enough time to steal the third egg from the archeologists now anyway.
“What was the true story, then?” Asked Bishop, after grabbing a handful of gummy bags. “About how you knew where the egg was?”
Booth snorted, remembering the day. He had just made a getaway after stealing a jewel from an old family descendant of some royalty or another when he was arrested.
Except, he was arrested because they thought he was drunk. But the smell of alcohol was just from when said family tried to set him on fire with a barrel of whisky.
And in prison he started talking with this plastered guy, who turned out to be the man who had been in charge of the LiDAR scanning, but ended up getting fired because of smuggling his pet hamsters into the country.
Ah, good times. That guy certainly had an eye for quality art.
...
On second thought, maybe Booth had just found out why people kept doubting him.
Really, it wasn’t his fault if he kept getting into situations even more ridiculous than any story he could ever come up with!