Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Until next time, little godling.”

Loki looked up from under drooping eyes just in time to see the door slide shut behind The Other as he left the room.

The bastard hadn’t even bothered to unchain him from the wall before running off.

Loki let out a low, rasping sigh. The sound of it alerted him to the fact that his lungs were more than likely bruised-- just another thing he would have to heal when he was released. He tried to catalogue that away for later, placing it on a list of things to remember. But Loki was finding it hard to clear his head-- to think straight. He couldn’t even remember what he had done wrong this time that made the Mad Titan believe he needed more punishment.

Loki pulled ever so slightly at the chain holding his right arm and shuddered from the pain that shot through him like an arrow, sudden and overwhelming. Perhaps that hadn’t been the best idea, in retrospect. 

It was pointless, anyway. There was no getting out of the chains. Out of Sanctuary . Away from Thanos. And Loki had tried, but he guessed his slipperiness hadn’t been enough. His luck had finally run out.

Loki let his eyelids flutter shut, having found that he had no more strength to hold them open. If he had learned anything in these long months, it was that he had to save his strength. Even these few moments of solitude -- and he had no idea how long they would last-- were blessed. He hardly was ever alone.

Loki didn’t quite know how long it was that he hung there from the wall-- time made even more uncertain due to the possibility of him passing out once or twice-- but he was shaken to alertness suddenly by the sound of the door sliding open once again.

Oh Norns, please no. Have mercy.

He couldn’t handle another round.

“Up.”

Loki frowned at the voice, and followed it back with his gaze to the source. Oh. So they had actually listened this time.

Gamora frowned right back at him. She carried a pack in her arms which Loki recognized as the sort which held medical supplies.

“You couldn’t have come sooner?” Loki asked, not bothering to question his strangely good fortune. It wasn’t often Gamora bothered to help him (not that that was any fault of her own-- they were all just trying to survive on this ship).

Gamora rolled her eyes as she came closer to Loki and began to undo his chains. The work was slow-- Thanos insisted on only the best restraints for his prisoners (and Loki had been especially troublesome in the first few months of his stay)-- and neither spoke. There weren’t really any words that could be shared, anyway. 

Loki breathed a sigh of relief when his limbs were finally free, and gently rubbed at his wrists with a grimace on his face. 

He sank down, kneeling on the cold, blood-stained floor of the room, his legs too weak to hold him. Gamora knelt down beside him, and opened up her pack of supplies.

Loki closed his eyes as she began her work, drawing his attention away from the discomfort of his shoulder being relocated. Of his wounds being cleaned and stitched. Of the burns being soothed. Gamora’s hands weren’t quite as rough as they could have been, and Loki appreciated that. It was the small things, the barely noticeable favors, that made everything bearable.

Gamora nudged his side, and Loki shifted to accommodate her beginning to wrap his ribs and lungs with bandages. He tried to keep his breathing steady and deep, but he couldn’t help the wince of pain as she secured the wrappings.

It did feel better, though.

The floor beneath his side was cold and damp-- he didn’t want to think about what made it so-- and Loki shivered. The draft from the ceiling vent was especially chilling at that moment, now that Loki noticed it. Though he supposed he should be grateful for it-- the heat was always so much worse.

Gamora paused in her ministrations to raise an eyebrow towards him. Loki glowered right back at her. He didn’t need this, especially now.

She shrugged and went back to stitching a gash in his leg.

Loki shifted up when she finished and leaned back against the wall where he had previously been hung from. Just a moment. A few seconds of peace. That’s all he needed. Then he would get up and go back to whatever he was needed for.

Yes, a minute of quiet sounded very nice.

Loki startled at Gamora shaking his shoulder. He blinked up at her, and belatedly realized he had closed his eyes. Gamora’s lips were pursed, and her brow was furrowed. She studied him for a second before shaking her head. 

Loki groaned slightly. No, this wasn’t what he needed. He just wanted a little time to rest. Perhaps head back to his room-- at least he had a bunk there, a place to sleep somewhat comfortably. A nice nap would do wonders to help along his healing, didn’t she know that?

Gamora still had that strange look on her face, but it had hardened slightly. As if she wasn’t about to let Loki guilt her into letting him sleep. Damn.

She reached to her side and grabbed another bag that Loki hadn’t noticed that she had brought with her. He silently cursed himself for not noticing this detail-- carelessness like that would get him killed.

Gamora pulled open the flap and pulled out a bundle of black leather. Loki frowned-- why did Gamora bring him his clothes when he could just head to his room to get some unripped leathers himself?

Gamora didn’t seem to be in the mood to explain as he tossed the bundle to him, then pulled out a pair of his boots and dropped them on his lap.

She bit her lip when she turned to Loki. “Try to be presentable.” she said quietly before grabbing the two bags and standing up. “I’ll wait outside.”

Presentable? Who even cared about -

“No,” Loki whispered.

He looked up at Gamora, no longer kneeling beside him, and he was unable to hide his widening eyes. 

Gamora looked back at him with something akin to pity. 

“Hurry up,” She told Loki, “Thanos is waiting.”

*****

Thanos. 

Loki had heard stories of the half-legendary figure in his childhood-- tales of the Mad Titan who wished to kill half of all life to show his devotion for Lady Death. Loki had never thought he would meet the monster of the myths. 

He wished he had been right.

Instead, Loki had found himself crash-landing in Sanctuary , Thanos’ realm. He didn’t remember what had happened beyond the blinding pain of impact, though he guessed it was some sort of interrogation as to why he dared to trespass in ‘Sacred Space’. The first thing that Loki was truly conscious of was waking up in a cell, being strapped down to a table. There was no explanation given to him, but Loki didn’t need one. He knew what this was-- the universe’s punishment for him. No, the Norns wouldn’t let him die. His attempt to take the cowardly way out was met with disdain, and so they had much greater, horrible, plans in store for him.

He hadn’t quite been wrong.

The minutes bleeded in hours which bleeded into days, weeks, months.

And Loki kept bleeding. 

Loki did find out what they wanted from him-- not many things, in fact. His waking days were spent being bombarded by the same two questions over and over again.

How did you find this place?

Is Odin planning an assault?

Of course he could never escape the house of Odin. He would always be recognized as the second son the one who wasn’t good enough. 

Loki remained silent for as long as he could bear it, unwilling to even speak of his-- of the man who had betrayed him.

And yet, he inevitably failed.

I don’t know! He would scream. He doesn’t care! 

It was ironic, Loki had thought, that for once, the truth didn’t save him.

“I have heard you have been rather defiant, little Odinson.”

Loki had trembled-- from rage or fear he did not know-- on the cold rocky ground before Thanos’ throne.

“I am no Odinson,” he rasped, and then he found himself coughing up red.

Pathetic.

Thanos seemed to think so, as he shifted in his throne, a displeased look upon his face.

“You have a problem with authority, do you not?”

Loki had laughed, or tried to. The first humorous thing he’s heard in months, and it comes from Thanos?

“That depends upon the authority.”

Loki was well aware he was playing with fire then, that he should tread carefully with his words. Do what he’s always been best at and talk his way to survival.

But what if he didn’t want to survive?

Loki tumbled forward at a sudden strike to the back of his head, and his hands scraped against the sharp rocks of the ground.

“Watch your tongue when in the presence of Thanos, worm . You should be grateful for the honor you have been given by even being allowed in the Great Savior’s presence.”

Loki had resisted the urge to laugh hysterically at the words of The Other, who seemed to hate Loki with a burning passion. Grateful? For this? Loki would be grateful the moment his heart ceased to beat in his chest.

“At ease, Other,” Thanos had murmured. “He does not know.”

The Titan rose from his throne and stepped down to the ground. His steps shook the room.

Loki had pushed himself back up to his knees, desperate to gain some semblance of control over the situation. And yet all he felt was helpless as Thanos knelt down before him.

“He does not know,” Thanos had murmured again as he stared at Loki like some piece of meat he was contemplating whether or not to purchase. He reached forward and took Loki’s chin in one hand. Loki tried to pull away, but he just wasn’t strong enough. A desperate wish for a dagger drummed through his mind.

Thanos tilted Loki’s head, inspecting him. Every millisecond felt like an eternity. Finally, Thanos had dropped Loki’s head, and he fell to the ground. Thanos rose back up to his full height, and Loki felt incredibly small.

“He will learn,” Thanos decided. He turned back to his throne, clearly dismissing Loki and those others. 

Thanos had strolled leisurely back to his place, as if he had all the time in the world. As he did so, he proclaimed, in a seemingly casual manner (though the words carried the heavy weight of an unavoidable command.)

“Break him. It will be good to have one of Odin’s on our side.”

*****

Loki had thought the worst months of his life were those first few on Sanctuary . He had also thought that Chitauri torturers were the most sadistic creatures he had ever met. But it turns out that they were far from skilled in the techniques of gathering information. And that worse times were about to come. 

The Chitauri were all dull blades and swooping waves of pain which crashed over him in all-encompassing agony.

The Black Order was different

The Children of Thanos were like precise scapals, delicate and slim slashes of hurt that      struck where he was weakest. They found the chinks in his armor and struck there, again and again and again.  

And that was before they added magic into the mix-- because Norns forbid the pain be merely physical . Instead, they reached into him, into his mind, into his thoughts and feelings and memories and muddled until he wasn’t quite sure of anything anymore.

They showed him his family-- showed them coming to save him. Showed him with them back on Asgard where everything seemed alright. And then they would rip it away from. Sometimes he would wake up in his cell, suddenly thrust back into reality.

But the worst they did-- what really broke him-- was when he was left in these fantasies. And that’s all they were-- fantasies. They would slowly begin to sour, to curdle at the edges. So Loki was left to see his life fall apart over and over before his eyes. He was left helpless as his family turned against him and spat out all the words he feared most. He spiraled down and down and hit rock bottom and it just. Wouldn’t. End. 

It was almost a relief when he was yanked back to consciousness.

But then it would repeat, in an endless cycle. His memories were messed with, till he didn’t know what had actually happened. 

Other times everything was repressed, and all sensations were stolen from him and he couldn’t. Feel. Anything. There were times he could barely remember his own name.

It wasn’t always the same figure, though Loki could barely differentiate any of them due to the overwhelming agony that pervaded every inch of his being-- inside and out.

It was only then-- when he could barely take another second of it all-- that the questioning began. Only one, but it turned Loki’s insides and for once in his life he was glad he had always been so stubborn.

“Are you ready to submit, Asgardian?”

No, no he wouldn’t. Even as his head was thrust into water till he couldn’t breath, and knives sliced past his skin deeper-- to the bone. And those tendrils of someone else sunk into his mind. 

Even as his senses were torn away from him, and the magic dampening chains that bound him kept him from his seiðr so long that he was scared it was gone forever.

“Are you ready to submit, Asgardian?”

Even as Thor told him over and over again that he hated him, that he couldn’t believe he had ever cared for a Frost Giant .

“Are you ready to submit, Asgardian?”

Even as his mother told him that he was no son of her’s.

“Are you ready to submit, Asgardian?”

Even as his father told him he was merely a means to an end.

“Are you ready to submit, Asgardian?”

Even as whispers crept into his ears, telling him that it would be better to just give in and end all this suffering.

“Are you ready to submit, Asgardian?”

Even as he screamed and screamed and screamed .

“Are you ready to submit, Asgardian?”

Loki coughed up his blood as he laughed at the faceless horrors that swarmed just outside of his vision. He had never been one to grovel, to beg for forgiveness. Why on earth would he begin now? He may not have been as strong as Thor-- as good -- but he was strong in his own right. And he would. Not. Break. 

But then he started to tire.

As his head was thrust into water till he couldn’t breath, and knives sliced past his skin deeper-- to the bone. And those tendrils of someone else sunk into his mind. 

And as his senses were torn away from him, and the magic dampening chains that bound him kept him from his seiðr so long that he was scared it was gone forever.

He started to tire.

And as Thor told him over and over again that he hated him, that he couldn’t believe he had ever cared for a Frost Giant.

He started to tire.

And as his mother told him that he was no son of her’s.

He started to tire.

And as his father told him he was merely a means to an end.

He started to tire.

And as whispers crept to his ears, telling him that it would be better to just give in and end all this suffering.

He started to tire.

And as he screamed and screamed and screamed .

He was just. So. Tired.

“Are you ready to submit, Asgardian?”

Loki didn’t even have the strength to lift his head. He collapsed there in the cell, in a pool of his own blood (at least he could feel it . But even that consolation started to fade away.)

Blood. Blood and pain and darkness. That was all that was around him now. He was not even granted the sweet release of death, forced instead to withstand this foul, pointless existence. 

Everything else faded away. And Loki was left with pain and tiredness and an overwhelming sense of hopelessness.

He barely scratched up the breath to whisper the single word that damned him. And as he said it, he felt the grins begin to spread across his torturers’ faces.

“Yes.”

*****

Being called ‘Son’ and ‘Child’ had almost been worse, however. 

The pain had stopped suddenly, and Loki was blessedly back in reality. He could take the aches and soreness if it meant he knew it was real . But that meant that what Thanos was saying was real as well.

“To be a member of the Black Order is the highest honor. You have been saved, my child. You are called to a greater existence-- you are called to serve in our mission.”

There were the faint noises of shifting from around Loki, of those other so-called children. Of others taken just like him and twisted into something different. Something unnatural . But he didn’t dare look up now. Loki’s entire world was the gravel beneath his knees, of irregular shapes yet a uniform pale gray in color.

If he could just focus on that, on something that wasn’t wrong , maybe he could anchor himself to the present moment. (the past held nothing but torment for him, and the future seemed so bleak)

“Do you accept this responsibility?”

The air gained an electric charge that almost reminded Loki of-- no. Don’t think about it. Dwelling on such things could only spell disaster. No fostering of hope-- Loki had learned that that didn’t exist anymore. Hope was worthless in the grand scheme of the universe, and survival was all that one could accomplish.

Survival. Did he even want to survive anymore? There had been a time, not too long ago, when his answer would have been a resounding No . 

But that had been the cowardly route, and the Norns had made it abundantly clear that there would be no escaping his punishment-- escaping what he deserved. To run away meant only to run to something far, far worse. There were no avenues free to him, now. And as much as he wanted to dash away, as much as he wanted it all to end , he knew it could not. 

So Loki looked up from the gravel, and stopped ignoring his fate which he could not escape. He looked into Thanos’ eyes, and somehow remained steady.

He had a choice to make, but it was no choice.

“I do… Father.”

*****

Loki had never been very good at making friends. There had never been anyone during his childhood that he truly thought of as a companion-- besides Tho- besides one other, that is. But even then, the years had drawn them apart.…

So Loki had trouble making friends.

Thanos didn’t seem to get the memo.

*****

Cull Obsidian had been the first that Thanos had tried to pair him with. Cull was a hulking brute (of what species he was, Loki was unsure. They were probably extinct, though, after Thanos’ culling) who had no understanding of the word ‘subtlety’. He seemed to think that the assignment Thanos had given him was to torment Loki’s days as much as he possibly could.

This led to Loki getting several broken bones in the first few hours of so-called ‘training’, and even more the next day. (It took a while for Loki to find the med bay, and his magic was far from capable of handling such extensive injuries without any extra aid; it would be for a while). So Thanos decided that it probably wasn’t working out.

The next member of the Black Order that Thanos decided Loki should shadow was Ebony Maw, a noseless, spineless creature who spoke in groveling and adoration. The first few minutes Loki had spent with him were filled with constant praising of Thanos and his deeds, and Ebony telling him he should be grateful for all that the Titan had done for him.

Loki had been granted access to weaponry again by this point, but he was inching closer and closer to getting that privilege revoked from him by stabbing Ebony in the neck.

The only positive he considered in the situation was that he learned far more about Thanos’ history, his goals, and how he had gained each child.

Loki found he was once again the strange one-- all other members of the Black Order had been taken as children, when Thanos had slaughtered half of their planets. He, contrarily, had come to them . And far older than the others as well.

Of course, this knowledge didn’t help him much when Loki and Ebony attempted to kill each other (Loki wasn’t sure who had started it, but he was convinced that he was the one who had ended it).

Suffice it to say, Loki was sent to spend time with another child of Thanos. (though thankfully he was still allowed to keep his knives. It seemed that Thanos wasn’t completely against his children attacking each other-- just when they made a mess, or went too far)

Loki wasn’t sure exactly how many children Thanos had in his inner circle-- there were some that he saw regularly, and other people who may have been lieutenants and not members of the Order, and still others who were talked about but he never met-- Ebony hadn’t gotten quite to that part when he and Loki started to fight. But he already knew of Proxima Midnight when she was tasked with watching him.

Proxima was annoying, as simple as that. She acted like she was above everyone else, and talked far too much for Loki’s liking. She grated on his nerves, though not as much as Ebony.

But what Loki really disliked about Proxima was what came with her. Namely, one Corvus Glaive.

Corvus was another member of the Black Order, and was already Proxima’s partner (he had heard rumors that that was true in more ways than one), but he had been off of Sanctuary for a while on a mission for Thanos, so he was not there when Loki was expected to shadow Proxima. He had not been very happy when he had come back to find him and Proxima training together-- if it could be called that. It mostly consisted of Proxima attempting to stab Loki with her three-pronged spear with vicious glee.

Corvus had thought that it would be a wonderful idea to join in. 

Loki had thought it would be an equally wonderful to get the hel out of there and hide until he knew it was safe.

With the avenue of Proxima and Corvus gone (destroyed), and no other Black Order members available, Loki was left with no more options.

Loki truly did have trouble making friends.

*****

Thanos looked at Loki with an almost mournful look upon his face. “You have caused me great difficulty, son.”

“I apologize.” Loki murmured, and twisted his hands together behind his back.

“ Father .” Thanos admonished. “What, are you ungrateful, Loki?”

“No, Father,” Loki cringed internally at the state of his voice. “I’m sorry, Father.”

Thanos nodded, accepting Loki’s words. “I understand that it is in your nature to cause trouble -” and why did that line hurt so much? “-but I will not coddle you further.”

This was coddling?

Thanos approached him, and Loki tensed for the coming strike. But there was none-- instead, Thanos walked past Loki and to the doors of the ship.

“Come, child, let us see if there is not one more chance for you.”

Loki followed along quickly, not wanting to get too far behind. Thanos strolled out of his throne room’s entry hall, and into the maze of corridors that made up the flagship. Loki was at his heels the whole time, and felt akin to a dog following his master.

The walk was not too far, but there were still several silent minutes that made up the journey. 

Finally, they reached some inconspicuous double doors in a seemingly normal section of the ship. “Come,” Thanos said as he flung them open.

In the room-- which looked to be one of the various kinds for combat training-- were two women, sparring. Loki recognized them as two of Thanos’ daughters that Ebony had mentioned-- Gamora and Nebula.

The pair immediately stopped fighting when Thanos came in (Loki followed behind in his shadow, trying to regain even a shred of dignity).

“Father,” they acknowledged in unison.

“My daughters,” Thanos greeted. He held his arms open in a greeting. “I have a task for you.”

“What is it, Father?” Nebula (Loki thought the luphomoid was Nebula. Though he could be mistaken) asked. Her voice was a strange mix of bored and anticipating.

“Your brother here,” Thanos said, and Loki took that as his cue to step forward slightly till he was to Thanos’ right, “Is in dire need of direction. He will remain with you until he learns our ways. Teach him, and keep him out of trouble.”

“Of course, Father,” the Zen-whoberi (Gamora?) said. 

The Titan nodded. “Good, Gamora. Do not disappoint me.” He nodded to blue women. “You as well, Nebula. I would hate to find you require more improvements..”

Loki was unsure of what Thanos meant by that, but at least he knew for sure which sister was which. He stood there as Thanos turned to leave. 

“Behave, boy.”

With Thanos gone, the room was suddenly quiet. No one moved. (Loki took the fact that neither of the sisters had tried to kill him yet as a good start)

Loki eyed Nebula and Gamora’s weaponry-- Gamora had a large sword and Nebula some knives-- and smirked. “Fine blades you have there.” Neither said a word, so Loki decided it would be safe to speak some more-- to get a feel for the situation.

The Zen-whoberi raised her eyebrow at him, unimpressed.

Loki leaned against the wall, and summoned a dagger of his own into his hand. The brief flash of green lit up the sisters’ faces, and Loki noted with a touch of amusement that they flinched back in surprise. Not large flinches, nor obvious, but it was good to know he set them on edge.

“You two seem to have your own partnership going on. I would hate to intrude.”

“You don’t look all that sorry,” Nebula growled, glaring at him.

Loki gave her a look of feigned innocence. “I believe we can both blame Thanos for this.” He shrugged then tossed the dagger to his other hand, “but if you really don’t want me, I'll go back to my room. You can tell Thanos that it didn’t work out.”

Loki turned to go, curious to see how they would react. He froze before he could open the door, as a blade embedded in the door  just in front of him. He turned back slowly to see Nebula glaring at him, and Gamora frowning.

“You’re not going anywhere. Father said you’re with us, so you stay with us.”

Loki grinned, a hint of mania in his eyes. First death threat, and she wasn’t even trying . Perhaps this arrangement could prove profitable afterall. 

So he turned around slowly and settled a smirk on his face. “Well, let's get on our way, shall we? We mustn’t disappoint the master.”

*****

Their first mission was to a planet called Leshg, and a small group of Leshgians were to be killed. That was all that Loki knew. Though he supposed it didn’t quite matter how these people had pulled Thanos’ rage upon them-- they would end up dead either way. He wasn’t overly worried about this mission either-- they had had a few weeks to grow accustomed to each other

He continued to not worry about the mission when they had left, departing in one of the ships that were apparently set aside for the Black Order’s use. Even as Nebula threatened to gut him like a fish when he tried to ask her if she happened to know anything else about the planet.

Luckily, no one was killed and they made it to Leshg with no injuries. By this time, Loki was still unworried about the mission. The city was bustling, but they knew exactly where they were going-- the palace.

“Remember,” Gamora said as she retracted her sword and placed it back at her hip, “In and out. Make sure there’s a witness who sees us, but don’t cause a scene.”

Nebula scoffed. “We know . You don’t need to lecture.”

Gamora had narrowed her eyes at her sister, but hadn’t said another word. So Loki had led them out of the ship, casting an illusion so that they looked like the same species as the locals, and blended in. Loki didn’t look behind to see if they were comfortable with this. There was no time.

They had continued on into the palace unhindered, and made it to where they needed to go. The group they had been ordered to assassinate were together in a meeting, so there was no need to track down individuals. There was still no worry in Loki’s mind about the mission.

Though there was regret when he slit the first Leshgian’s throat

They were done in less than a minute after Gamora led them in and proclaimed their coming deaths due to Thanos. It was efficient, and Loki was glad it was done quickly. He was no stranger to killing-- had been in enough wars in his life-- and this was far from personal. But the reasons behind it made him uneasy. (he buried it all and pushed on.)

“Loki-- get the girl!” 

Loki whipped his head around at Gamora’s words to see a small serving girl dashing towards the exit. “But we need a wit-”

The girl reached the door, and Loki saw a second too late that she was not only trying to leave, but trying to get to the panel by the door. She smacked said panel and suddenly an alarm blared out in the room, and beyond.

Loki cursed and ran to the girl, yanking her aside and shoving her to the floor. He pulled open the door and held it open as Gamora and Nebula raced past him, but not before Nebula smacked him.

“You idiot, ” she snarled. 

Loki didn’t have a counterpoint.

They barely made it out of the palace in one piece, and had to kill several guards to escape. Loki tried to help them to avoid the authorities, but there were just too many of them. And there was nothing he could do when they started to fire at their ship as they left the atmosphere.

“That was stupid,” Gamora said when they were safely in space half an hour later.

Loki sat in his seat and stared out the window to the stars rushing past. “I know,” he replied, “No need to lecture.”

“It’s not us, you need to worry about,” Nebula said, the first thing she had said to him since their hasty retreat from the conference room.

Loki glanced at her, and saw the tense lines in her face. “I know,” he repeated, tiredly.

They continued on for the rest of the journey in complete silence.

*****

And… that was what brought Loki back to the present, freshly led from his cell to Thanos’ throne room by Gamora. Loki realized belatedly that the mistake on Leshg was how he had ended up in such a predicament. Of course, a mistake as grandiose as that one was doubtless going to be punished. Thanos accepted nothing less than perfection. He mentally shook his head, trying to regain his mind from the fog.

Thanos looked down at Loki, his face saddened and frowning. It spoke to Loki much more of a displeased parent than of an enraged megalomaniac.

“You have not shown me your true potential yet, child.” Thanos chided, as if Loki hadn’t done as well on a test as he had hoped and not newly punished for failing a mission to kill royalty.

Loki bent his head down, having long since learned it was best to cow before the Titan. No amount of poking and prodding at his limits would earn him the rest he truly wished for – only more pain. (for not the first time in the past few minutes, Loki wished Gamora hadn’t left)

“I apologize, Father.”

Thanos sighed, as if put out. “I only want the best for you, my son. For you to be the strongest you can possibly be. But you know swords are forged by flame.” 

“I know, Father.”

“Then why don’t you give me your best?” Thanos asked.

Loki swallowed. “I don’t know, Father. I’m sorry.”

Thanos shook his head. “You may have learned much, son, and yet you still have much more to learn.”

Loki closed his eyes for a moment, trying to gain some semblance of calm. It was difficult on Sanctuary , there was no doubt, but Loki had perfected his ability to block out all unnecessary senses and surroundings and draw his focus internally – with the exception of the Titan before him. Loki was not so insane as to ignore Thanos.

The shifting of the chitauri guards behind him faded away. The scraping of the stones beneath his knees dulled. The frantic breathing of his heart calmed.

Thanos looked up to the sky, a furrow in his brow. “Unfortunately, I do not have the time to deal with you at this time.” He turned to look behind him and nodded slightly. He looked back to Loki. “I thought you were stronger. But perhaps not yet.”

Loki blinked slowly, biting his inner lip with his teeth. 

Never good enough. 

Even here .

“You have put me behind schedule,” Thanos continued. “I intended to have you retrieve an item of great importance to me, one that must be procured as soon as possible. And yet your trip to Leshg took far longer than intended, and now you must take far more time to recover. This is unacceptable.”

“I am sorry, Father, I can still help. I -”

“Be quiet, Loki.” Thanos snapped, his eyes flashing. “Now is not the time for insolence.”

Loki recoiled slightly and snapped his mouth shut.

Thanos nodded in satisfaction. “You will have further chances to prove yourself. But now, you have only disappointed me.”

“Father, you wished to see me?”

Loki barely concealed his stardledness at the sudden arrival of Proxima’s voice. He glanced to his side to see the woman standing beside him, a hand on her hip.

Proxima looked at him with a look of triumph.

Loki glared right back.

“Ah, yes,” Thanos said, “You will be sent to Terra to retrieve the space stone.”

Terra? The space stone?  Loki was frozen in place. In all his time with Thanos he had only heard whispers about his quest for the infinity stones from Nebula and Gamora, the occasional footsoldier, and references from Ebony. But they had all made it very clear: Thanos hadn’t found another infinity stone for a long time. And he had the mind stone squirreled away in some hidden vault that no one knew of, waiting for the others to bring it out.

And Terra… they must mean Midgard. He had heard rumors that was where the Tesseract had been left.

Unfamiliar emotions swirled in Loki’s gut, and he couldn’t quite make out what they were. Midgard was so close to-- and under the protection of -

No. It was better not to think of such things.

Not to hope .

“I will do so, Father.” Proxima said. “When do I depart?”

“Within the day,” Thanos said, “We have lost too much time already. We must pursue our goal.”

Loki clenched and unclenched his teeth.

Proxima nodded. “Very well, Father.” she turned to go, but Thanos halted her with his next words.

“Retrieve the scepter and bring it with you.” He smiled. “Like calls to like.”

Proxima grinned wickedly. “As you wish, Father.”

Her steps retreated behind them.

For a moment, Thanos seemed lost in thought. He had a satisfied look upon his face, though a touch contemplative as well. Then he turned to Loki, and his brow hardened.

“As for you, my son,” He began.

Loki held his breath. 

“Do better.”

*****

Loki wasn’t sent on a mission for three weeks after that.

It was a lonely three weeks.

Although he hated to admit it, Loki had begun to enjoy Nebula’s company, and even Gamora’s. He missed their sparring sessions. But being sequestered to his room in order to heal was far from conducive to a good fight. Though he did wonder, a bit, why he was left alone for so long. It was unlike Thanos to leave one of his so-called children unattended for any significant length of time. Perhaps personally it was not so out of the ordinary – but no one had been sent to check up on him. Only the regular Chitauri guard routine to make sure he stayed inside.

At the end of the three weeks, Loki was practically foaming at the mouth. He had never been one to yearn for movement or adventure, and he would usually be satisfied staying in the room for weeks on end with the only break to eat or relieve himself. But that was different on Sanctuary . On Sanctuary , there was always a wariness which settled over him, and was in his bones. To be alone for the first while was not too horrible – welcomed, even. But as the days stretched on he worried. And Loki hated being uncertain of things.

There was also the matter of there being little to do -- he had no books with him from As- from before. And there was not enough space in his room to move much.

Luckily, the end came, and Loki was allowed out with little fanfare.

He headed straight to the specific training room he had found he liked the most in the few sessions he had spent there.

“Oh joy, he’s alive.”

The training room was not empty, as Loki had anticipated. Instead, Nebula and Gamora were there. Gamora was working on her forms, swinging her sword with expert precision. Nebula was leaning against a wall, working on some knives.

Loki smirked. Well, there’s no point leaving now, is there? he thought.

“ Dear Nebula,” Loki asked sweetly, his eyes going wide, “did you miss me? ”

Nebula rolled her eyes and went back to sharpening her dagger. 

Loki shook his head and walked further into the room. “You did, didn't you? I’m astonished-- I didn’t think you cared.”

Nebula snorted, then pushed herself away from the wall. “All those weeks of bedrest scrambled your brain.”

“I assure you, my mind has been ‘scrambled’ for a long while. Some sleep wouldn’t change that.”

“Then how about your fighting?” Gamora countered, coming across the room to join them. “How unpracticed are you after all this time?”

Loki eyed Gamora’s sword, and Nebula’s knives, and his smirk grew.

“Care to find out?”

*****

Thanos seems to have run out of options when it came to me , Loki thought somewhat sardonically. So he chose the path with the least amount of possible damage.

Said path regarded Loki’s placement with Nebula and Gamora. Even following the somewhat disastrous failure of the mission to Leshg, the Mad Titan had still deemed it appropriate to send Loki on another mission with the sisters.

His sisters, according to Thanos.

Loki still hadn’t quite accepted this yet. But he knew that compliance would be the … healthier option for him.

The mission in question was to investigate rumors of the Soul Stone’s location on some backwater planet in the Zygon quadrant… and kill anyone who had true knowledge.

At present, however, Loki was in an armory with Nebula and Gamora, gathering the necessary supplies. When they were all set, they would depart.

The work had been silent so far – so nothing out of the ordinary. Surprisingly, however, someone interrupted the quiet.

“Proxima didn’t come back, did you know?” Gamora asked, and Nebula and Loki paused in their preparations.

“Really?” Loki asked, his emotions a tight knot.

Gamora nodded. “Apparently the Terran defenses were stronger than anticipated. And they had aid from Asgard.”

Nebula nodded, her curiosity seemingly satisfied.

“Father isn’t going to be pleased.”

Gamora gave Nebula a look. “Why do you think we haven’t seen him?”

Nebula shrugged, a glare on her face as always. “Let’s just get going, alright.”

Gamora nodded, then looked at Loki. “Are you alright?” she asked.

Loki blinked, realizing that he had been lost in his thoughts. But the news… so he had been right before. Not that it mattered right now. He hadn’t been the one sent.

Loki covered up his inner turmoil with an easy smirk. “Oh, yes.”

Gamora gave Loki a look, but didn’t comment. Instead she turned back to her blaster and began to fiddle with it, making sure the settings were just right.

They lapsed into silence again.

A few minutes later, Gamora glanced over her shoulder to Loki, who was lacing up a boot, and to Nebula, who was standing by the door with a bored look on her face. “Are you ready?”

Nebula scoffed before nodding once.

Loki stood up from his boot, and gave Gamora a tight smile. “Let’s get going, shall we?”

*****

Thanos looked down at the three of them in a line, and had a smile on his face. “I am proud of you, my children. You have succeeded.”

Loki internally let out a sigh of relief at Thanos’ words. There was a part of him that hadn’t even thought there was a chance of Thanos’ approval, but it was true. There would be no punishment for this particular mission.

Though perhaps Thanos’ pride was punishment enough.

“I am glad I placed you three together,” Thanos said, “It was good for Nebula to have someone she could challenge.”

Nebula tensed ever so slightly next to Loki, so subtle that he definitely wouldn’t have noticed it just by looking at her.

Loki kept his gaze downturned and his chest knotted slightly. 

Oh .

Loki snuck a quick glance in Gamora’s direction, but she seemed emotionless-- unbothered. She either didn’t understand the weight of Thanos’ words, or didn’t care. Loki wasn’t quite sure which Gamora fell under, but he supposed that that didn’t matter right now.

This was all too familiar to him, and he never thought he would see this again (there was a midgardian phrase he heard once – deja vu – that seemed to fit the situation quite well). But this time he was not a part of the repeating relationship - he was not one of the two opposing forces.

(Fate truly was cruel. For as soon as he left one sibling, he had been forced to watch two more fall into the same pattern. And there was nothing he could do.)

“Thank you, Father,” Gamora murmured. 

Thanos nodded to his daughter. “You have shown your reliability as always, Gamora. You have helped shape Nebula into a promising tool. I hope you continue to do the same for your brother.”

Ah, there it was – movement. Loki’s eyes caught the subtle shift in Gamora’s kneeling form, one that spoke of discomfort and uncertainty. So she did feel something. Interesting.

Thanos turned away from them, and back to staring out across the stars. “Continue performing like this, and perhaps you shall prove yourselves. For now, go. Train. I will call on you when I have the need.”

The three of them departed quickly, but Loki couldn’t shake the sour, cold, twisted feeling in his gut. 

He couldn’t help but feel like this had been the opposite of a success.

*****

Life on Sanctuary was far from easy, though Loki had to admit that as soon as he had gained Thanos’ favor, it became far less horrible.

As he walked down the halls, Chitauri cowed before him. Ranking members of Thanos’ army nodded in respect. He didn’t have to watch his back every single waking second – though he still did, due to habit.

Being a member of the Black Order was the highest rank one could achieve on Sanctuary , but he hadn’t quite been a member before – his probation period of sorts was well known among everyone on the ship. Now, he was treated like a prince again (though so different – what he wouldn’t give to go back to Asg-). 

Loki shook his head slightly, shaking those thoughts out of his mind. No, stop . One of the guards at the end of the hall gave him a weird look, but a quick glare his way caused the poor creature to shrink away. And he went on his way.

“Pass me a whetstone”

Loki rolled his eyes covertly as he flicked his wrist towards Nebula, not even a few seconds before entering the armoury that Nebula was using. The gray stone flew across the room from the shelf it had been kept on, heading straight for Nebula’s head. Directly before impact, the luphomoid’s hand shot out and snatched the whetstone from the air.

She didn’t even thank him.

“I’m not your servant,” Loki drawled as he leaned against the table where Nebula was working to sharpen her knives.

Nebula scowled. “What else is magic good for?”

Loki raised an eyebrow. “Battle, obviously.”

Nebula grumbled something under her breath as she went back to working on the mechanics of a set of knives that extended into escrima sticks. She had warmed up to Loki a lot over the past couple of months, and now only threatened his life or wellbeing when she was really annoyed.

“One of these days you’ll be too late, and get a dent in your skull” Loki said after a while. “You should protect yourself and just thank me sometime.” 

Nebula rolled her eyes at Loki, though there was little heat (A subtle warmth curled its way through Loki’s unease, relaxing him a bit).

“Never,” she said after a while. “Not on purpose.” And Loki found himself almost chuckling at that comment. 

“You won’t do what on purpose?” Gamora asked as she came in. 

Loki smirked. “Be nice.”

At the same time, Nebula replied with: “Act like a coward.”

Gamora eyed the pair of them, then murmured something to herself under her breath.

“Why are you two bothering me?” Nebula asked, “it was peaceful without you here.”

Loki shrugged, “I was bored.”

“ I came for the weapons,” Gamora said, “I need new knives.”

Nebula scowled. “And you somehow found me. It’s stupid and annoying- at this rate I’d rather be with Ebony.”

(Loki wrinkled his nose at the thought of spending any more time with Ebony than needed – it made bile rise in the back of his throat, and his hands begin to tremble. But Nebula and Gamora… didn’t seem so horrible.)

Gamora rolled her eyes at Nebula, annoyed in her own right, and went to the area with the knives. Nebula herself went back to tinkering with her poles.

And Loki, Loki stayed there. Because while he was now accepted anywhere on Sanctuary , the only place he felt he belonged was right there.

*****

SNICK!

Loki cursed under his breath as he dodged the sudden strike from Nebula’s throwing knife. That had been closer than he would have preferred.

Loki spun to the side and sent his own returning knife, which his opponent dodged just as easily. They were fairly evenly matched in that regard.

The training room that they were in-- although that was a loose term, the space was more like a large hanger with weapon racks-- was better lit than some of the others, for which Loki was grateful. It would be much harder to spar with Nebula if he couldn’t see. (he supposed that was the point) So for now, this fight was far more leisurely than some of the others that they’d had in the past.

“Agh!” Nebula yelled as she dove at Loki and brought the two of them to the ground. They rolled on the floor together for a second or two before Loki managed to twist out of Nebula’s hold and come up to a kneeling position.

Ah, yes. Leisurely.

A flurry of blows were exchanged, and Loki groaned internally at the thought of the bruises that he would have to endure tomorrow – Nebula was not being conservative with the hits from her metal arm.

But Loki struck Nebula’s head, whipping it to the side and momentarily distracting her. Loki used his momentary opening to flip Nebula over his back and bring her crashing to the ground.

Nebula was barely on the ground for a moment before she sprung up to her feet and kicked Loki in the face, sending him to his hands and knees. She followed up with a strike to his gut, and Loki was once again fully on the ground. 

She stalked forward to him, clearly intent on finishing him off.

But Loki didn’t fail that easily.

When her foot was in range, Loki hooked his own around it and twisted until she was brought to the ground right alongside him. They both tried to tackle each other at the same time, and ended up in a strange knot position, with each others’ hands on the other’s necks.

Spots began to dance in the corners of Loki’s vision, and he knew he had to get out quickly. So he took the risky route and dropped his hands from Nebula’s neck quickly, reaching for one of his hidden daggers strapped to his hip. He brought it up, but Nebula spotted what he was doing a split second before he could stab her, and rolled away to avoid the blade.

They sprang to their feet simultaneously, and Loki couldn’t help but laugh. He wasn’t quite sure why, though. 

Nebula glared at him and pulled twin knives from her own sheaths. Ah, so they were doing this now.

Loki flicked his wrist and another knife appeared in a flash of green in his free hand-- now that he wasn’t in close corners with Nebula, he figured it would be best to use one of his weapons from his dimensional pocket, as opposed to wasting the precious few already in his clothes.

Nebula scoffed and muttered something under her breath that sounded suspiciously like “show-off.”

Loki’s eyes narrowed. Oh, now that just wouldn’t do.

But then, just as the pair had taken a step forward to re engage in their fight, the doors at the far end of the room slid open with a smooth SHLICK.

Both Loki and Nebula paused ever so briefly to catch a glimpse at whoever had come in. There weren’t very many options – anytime Thanos wanted to see his children fight it was far more official, and said children avoided each other like the plague.

Unsurprisingly, it was the only likely choice: Gamora.

The woman came in and leaned against a wall by the door, watching them.

By this time, the split second that they had stopped fighting was over, and they were back to slashing at each other with knives.

But there was an undercurrent to Nebula’s moves now, a tension. She fought with her usual ferocity, yes, but there was an aspect of viciousness to her movements that Loki wasn’t used to seeing.

Loki dodged to the right, and cast an illusion of himself going to the left. Nebula fell for it, lunging a bit too far, and ended up stumbling away from Loki, her back turned.

A small huff of laughter came from across the room, and Nebula scowled.

“You’re gonna pay for that,” she growled, and lunged again. Loki allowed himself the small pleasure of a tight smirk as he ducked and brought up a knife towards Nebula’s gut. Nebula countered his blow with one of her own, and the suddenness of the force drove the knife he held out of his hand. It clattered to the floor.

Loki teleported away a few yards to catch his breath and was about to conjure another to replace the one lost when he saw the look on Nebula’s face. There was an animalistic quality in her eyes, one that Loki knew all too well.

It reminded him of younger days, when red fought green, and a son just wanted to prove himself.

Loki felt Gamora’s eyes on his back as he conjured the second dagger to once again have weapons in both hands. Nebula saw and sped her approach up. A few milliseconds later, and they were clashing again.

The clanging of metal upon metal echoed throughout the room, in harmony with weathered grunts and tired pants. The occasional scrape from boots on the floor or thump of kicks also joined in.

Loki groaned internally as Nebula threw him to the floor. He wished they weren’t so evenly matched sometimes-- it would save him the pain.

He had lost his other dagger by this point, and hadn’t bothered to replace it. Nebula too had gotten rid of one of her knives when she had thrown it at Loki’s head. The other she held in her hand.

Or she did .

Upon seeing Loki on the ground, not trying to get up, she sheathed the knife in question stalked forward toward him. When she was in range, Loki spun out with his leg, looking to pull her down just like he had done a few minutes before. 

But Nebula saw it coming.

Instead of falling to the ground, Nebula used Loki’s instability as an opening to dive on top of him, using her momentum to pin him to the floor. 

Loki groaned from where he was, but with his arms in the positions they were, there was no way out.

“Submit,” Nebula growled ferociously, and Loki smiled grimly. 

“Of course.”

Nebula moved back from Loki, and rose to her feet. She was breathing heavily. 

Loki sat up as well, just in time to see Gamora’s faint smile. She nodded to Nebula once. Approving.

Nebula blinked back, not quite comprehending. Then she looked back to Loki, and her expression darkened. “You meant to pull that move twice. You weren’t even trying.”

Loki’s eyes wandered to the flash of green that was exiting through the door, then back to Nebula. Her eyes were hard as usual, not like how they had been mere seconds ago.

Loki smirked. “I don’t know what you mean – it was an honest mistake.”

Her eyes searched his for what felt like an eternity, but was most likely only a few seconds. 

She seemed to find what she was looking for.

“Just don’t let it happen again,” Nebula muttered, without her usual heat.

Loki rolled his eyes, resisting the urge to smile. His stomach swirled with some unknown emotion, one that filled him up and yet didn’t overwhelm him.

“Of course not.”

*****

Meals on Sanctuary were taken in one of the various mess halls strewn across the massive ship. While there was no official organization as to where everyone ate and in which halls, Loki had found that – like everything else in this Norns-forsaken place – there were unspoken rules.

Certain areas were far from appetizing, and so the Chitauri frequented those places. There were others that specific members of the Black Order had unofficially claimed as their own territory.

Eating where you weren’t supposed to was as close to treason as you could get without actually betraying Thanos. It was a personal assault on the person’s non-existent honor. At least, that was the attitude that Loki had found was most common. (through experience, unfortunately.)

He had tried to eat at the same place as Ebony one time. It… did not go well. Loki had barely made it out alive initially, and had spent hours tending to the wounds inflicted by the kranan’s infernal needles. To make matters worse, Loki had almost been poisoned various times after the incident. Though Ebony insisted that was unrelated.

At that time he was also not in Thanos’ good graces, so while other ranking officers of Thanos’ prized army were relatively wary of him, he was far from welcomed.

But it was fine. Loki had been used to toleration – had dealt with it his whole life.

The creeping from one place to another, trying to find a place of his own, however, ending when he joined Nebula and Gamora’s group.

It had happened during the bone-tired time following the debrief of a mission. The three of them had walked out of the chamber where The Other had called them, having just returned from a trip across the galaxy. They hadn’t slept in days, and Loki was especially looking forward to falling into his bunk and sleeping for at least a solid four hours.

It was then that Nebula had proclaimed out of the blue: “I’m hungry.”

Gamora had rolled her eyes. “We all are. But we’re tired too. Food can wait.”

Nebula had glared at her, as if she took that as a personal affront. “I’m getting food.” she stated.

No one moved for a moment, and Gamora looked like she was battling something inside. Loki took a step back – intending to  slip away unnoticed.

“We’ll go together,” Gamora said, a look in her eye. Loki understood that feeling – not wanting to be alone in that moment.

Nebula grunted as if she didn’t care much one way or another, but Loki saw the small hint of satisfaction in her posture. Good, they all earned a bit of happiness after that mission.

But then Nebula looked over her shoulder to Loki, who stood somewhat awkwardly at the end of the hallway behind them, trying to figure out what he should do. “Are you coming?”

Loki blinked. An invitation such as this one was not what he was expecting. But… it didn’t seem all that terrible to him at that moment. And the apprehension in his gut melted away to some other feeling that wasn’t quite so cold. So Loki smirked lightly and moved to follow the pair.

“Of course.”

After that, they ate most of their meals together. Of course, there were instances when one or more of them were on a mission, or training or being… improved. But there was a small bit of strange comfort that came from attempting to see each other at least semi-often.

And that was where Loki was heading to one morning, in search of breakfast.

But there was something different that day.The mood on Sanctuary had been strange ever since that morning, Loki had noticed as he walked down the hallway. The Chituari were acting differently, and he hadn’t seen any of his so-called siblings at all. Usually he saw at least one by that time, even Nebula or Gamora.

So Loki was left to wander back and forth between the winding corridors, pondering what was different.

He entered the mess hall, finding it mostly sparse. A few Chitauri were in the far corner, and one or two officers were eating in other places. This wasn’t necessarily out of the ordinary, but still put Loki on edge.

Then he saw Nebula bent over a bowl of food (what Loki not-so-affectionately called “slop”) at their usual table, and relaxed. Good, now to see if she was in a stabbing mood or not.

Loki grabbed some food and walked over to her, sliding into a seat across from her.

“You’re not dead,” Loki proclaimed.

Nebula grunted and continued to shove the gruel into her mouth.

“I saw a pile of scraps in the hall earlier – I was worried.” Loki’s steady frown slowly gave way into a small smirk.

“If you want to keep your toenails, I advise you to shut your mouth,” Nebula growled. “I still have a headache from last week.”

Loki resisted the urge to cringe at that – he hadn’t been there when Thanos had replaced part of Nebula’s spine, but he had heard the screams.

Loki held up his hands in defense, and leaned back. He was in no mood to antagonize Nebula further. Besides, he was well aware of the seriousness of Nebula’s threat.

After a few minutes of quiet eating, Gamora plunked down next to Loki, a tray of food before her. She looked at the two of them, and sighed. “Don’t antagonize her, Loki.”

Loki scowled. “I did no such thing.”

Nebula snorted. “You should watch yourself – you don’t want to be on my bad side, not with Corvus out for your head.”

Loki stilled, the spoon halfway to his mouth. “Pardon?”

Gamora turned to look at Loki as if he had multiple heads. “You don’t know?”

Loki raised an eyebrow and leaned forward onto the table. “Know what?”

Nebula grunted and turned back to her food. “Not my problem.”

Gamora pursed her lips, clearly debating whether to tell him or not. “Corvus is back. Since last night. And he blames you.”

Loki closed his eyes and breathed slowly. Ah. Of course. 

It had been a few months after Proxima failed to retrieve the space stone for Thanos, and disappeared in the process, when Corvus had finally realized that she would not be returning.

Corvus had begun to lash out, for just that reason. Loki himself had not been there for any of his now-famed tantrums, but he had heard much about them. It had gotten to the point where Thanos had sent Corvus out on a mission to search for struggling planets to ‘save’, rather than allowing him to stay on Sanctuary . (Word was that Corvus had killed some higher ranking officers in Thanos’ army, and that’s what finally called the Titan to action)

They had had a blessed few months free of him, and they were the closest to peaceful as could come in a place such as this. But alas, everything in Thanos’ domain was destined to be ruined.

Loki looked back down at his food and resumed eating. Both Gamora and Nebula followed suit. What else were they supposed to do? They might as well enjoy the food while it was hot.

Well, enjoy was a strong word. 

Gamora suggested that they spar after breakfast, and once Loki and Nebula agreed, the three of them took their dishes to the dumping bucket and set out.

They didn’t make it far.

“Asgardian.”

The three of them pulled up short, and Loki unfortunately found himself front and center of their little triangular clump. So he had no cover from Corvus Glaive, who had just stepped into his path.

The man wore full battle armor and carried his glaive (Loki would never get over that choice of weaponry) in one hand. In the other, he held Proxima’s abandoned spear. He was there for a fight.

Loki raised an eyebrow. “Corvus. How unlovely to see you. How was your trip?”

Corvus glared. “You’re awfully carefree for a man who’s about to die.”

Loki raised an eyebrow. “What would Thanos say to that?”

Corvus growled – low and animalistic – and Loki grinned grimly inside. He was well aware that he was playing with fire. That poking too much would get him burned. But he found he didn’t care too much at the moment – he wanted to see Corvus snap .

Corvus was showing an amazing amount of restraint at this point, he hadn’t even tried to leap at Loki or start a fight. Instead, he glared past his target and to the two women behind him. “Sisters, this doesn’t concern you. You can go.”

Loki internally groaned. Gamora and Nebula would surely go, but that was far better than them joining Corvus.

Then, the unexpected happened.

“Don’t tell me what to do, brother,” Nebula growled, and took a step forward till she was standing beside Loki. She had a pair of knives drawn and held at the ready.

To Loki’s left, Gamora mirrored Nebula’s movements. She brandished her sword in front of her. “Go now, Corvus. You’re being ridiculous.”

“ I’m being ridiculous?!” Corvus snarled. “ He’s the reason Proxima’s gone!”

Loki took a step forward, and twitched his fingers. Green flame curled around his hands like snakes, primed to strike. He looked at Corvus, and felt the green fire begin to dance in his eyes as well. 

“Actually, I believe that was her own fault. It’s not my fault she failed and never came back.”

“Loki,” Gamora growled under her breath, “shut up.”

But Loki had never been good at listening to orders (his fatal flaw, some would say), so he did what he did best and kept pushing till something broke.

“What?” he asked, with fake innocence, “I may not be as stupid as Proxima, at least I’m still here alive, whereas she’s-”

“IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE YOU!” Corvus bellowed and launched himself at Loki. “BUT YOU’RE HERE, AND SHE’S NOT!”

Loki had been ready, however, and spun behind Nebula and out of Corvus’ way. Corvus stumbled forward and whirled back, rage apparent in every fiber of his being. “Do you know what Thanos said? He said that we can’t go to get Proxima – that she’ll have to come back herself and beg for forgiveness.”

Loki summoned a pair of daggers to his hands, which too had taken to the flame, and held them in preparation to counter Corvus’ uncontrollable rage when Nebula forcibly shoved Loki out of the way. “Stop it, both of you.” She growled. “Do you really want Father to hear about this?”

Loki stilled, and watched as Corvus did the same.

Gamora stepped in between them as well. “You should go, Corvus. Before this ends badly for you.”

Corvus looked at the pair of them with an almost shocked expression. “You’re protecting him?” He demanded. “What happened to you, sisters? You’ve gone soft.”

“The only soft thing here are your guts, which are about to be spilled across the floor.” Nebula snarled.

Corvus glanced at each of his sisters in turn, then cast his glare upon Loki. “Watch out, Asgardian,” he warned. “I’ll be coming for your head eventually.”

And with that, He turned and stormed out of the mess hall through a different exit.

Loki blinked, and the magic dissipated from his form. The daggers were sent away next. For a second, he wondered if anything had actually happened. But it had, and Loki knew that quite well. What Gamora and Nebula had done was unexpected, yes. But it was far from unwelcome.

(And there was that part of him that reveled in it. It had been so long since someone had stood up for him like that. Not since Tho- not since years ago.)

Loki looked at Nebula and Gamora, each with matching expressions of dark protectiveness upon their faces. One after the other, they looked at Loki.

And there it was again – that strange feeling that churned in his stomach but wasn’t actually unpleasant . It was almost… warm. It swirled around inside of him, and eased his aches and pains. It made everything just a little bit less bleak. He didn’t quite know what it was yet. 

But for now… Loki didn’t think he needed to.

Loki opened his mouth to speak, but was for once rather hesitant with his words. He smiled softly, so unlike the smirk he had worn as a mask over these long months. 

“Thank you… sisters.”

*****

The world was dark and quiet and still.

Loki sat on his bed, his legs dangling and his hands in his lap. The only sources of light were the faint emergency glow lines at the bottom of the cold metal door, and the even paler light shining from the stars through his window.

Even the stars around Thanos  are dimmed, Loki thought darkly. Everything near him is ruined.

Including me.

A light draft came in through the vent and Loki shivered. Not for the first time in all his stay here on Sanctuary did he wish for the warm golden glow of-

Loki cast his gaze to the window, just a small circle cut into the metal wall, a tiny portle to the world outside.

The world away from Sanctuary .

Logically, Loki knew it existed. He had been there. Lived there. But there was still that part of him, one that was growing ever stronger, that doubted. There was nothing certain here, afterall.

And yet the stars kept on twinkling in the distance, shining despite everything else.

Loki tilted his head, as if looking out the window would answer the question that gripped his mind with its cold claws. Unfortunately, the universe didn’t seem to be in an answering sort of mood. And Loki was left there to wonder.

The breath from his lungs was steady. In. Out.

His heart beat on. Bu-bump. Bu-bump.

Loki didn’t bother rubbing his arms with his hands, even though the draft was strong and he longed for a touch of warmth. The effort seemed far too much to him for the moment. So he continued to shiver in his room, staring out the window.

He didn’t know how much time passed in that room. Most likely no more than an hour or two, the night-cycles never differed. 

As for Sanctuary – time was strange in that place, the days melted into each other, culminating in the ever-constant cycle of pain and missions and a dull sense of hopelessness. 

There was nothing to do in all that time except count it. Count the days. The weeks. The months.

The years .

Loki brought his gaze down to his hands, which had begun to twist around each other unbeknownst to him. He rubbed at his knuckles aggressively, trying to feel something other than the pain.

He had never intended to stay here for so long (whether he meant this ship, or this life he did not know). And yet… time had flown on and dragged him along behind it.

Years.

His family doubtless have stopped looking for him by now (if they ever did). 

Loki cringed – No. Don’t think about them. Don’t think about any of it.

That had been his mantra these years. Repeated over and over too himself in times when he just wanted to fall down and call out to those whom he had left.

And he had tried – he had tried so hard to cram those memories into a little chest and bury it deep in his heart. He had tried to distance himself from who he had been before. He had tried to forget all the past pain and live from moment-to-moment. He had tried to keep his face steady, and never betray what he truly felt. He had tried to block out the superfluous emotions and just survive .

He had tried, and he had failed.

Loki choked suddenly, a single sob barely making it out of his throat. He scrunched his eyes up, and rested his head in his hands. He just wanted it all to be over. He wanted to be free again. He wanted to go home. He wanted to laugh and be happy, and he wanted to apologize to his family – to beg for their forgiveness.

(He had never been one to beg, before Thanos.)

But that was impossible.

He was here now, on Sanctuary , and he was here to stay. Escape was impossible.

And the thought of going home.…

He had made mistakes – so many mistakes – and they haunted him. They had led to his downfall (in more ways than one). They had led his family to hate him (they must, after what he did). Of course, he was destined to make such disastrous mistakes. He would always be the lesser brother. The unwanted son.

Never good enough.

At least he knew why now – he was a monster. 

And that question – the one that had kept him awake all these hours, the one that had been at the center of all his thoughts – was answered.

Loki blinked slowly, and returned his gaze to the porthole, to the stars, and to the world so close yet so far away. The world he wished to return to.

That was no longer his world, now. He didn’t deserve it.

The stars kept on twinkling.

*****

“Father requires your presence.”

Loki looked up from where he was sharpening a dagger on his bed to see Corvus standing in the doorway, glaring at him. (he never really had gotten over their spat two years ago, though Thanos had forced them to be relatively civil. If at least for the sake of the ship)

Loki set down his weapon and rolled his eyes. “I’ll be right there.”

“Now.”

Loki glared at Corvus and stalked past him into the hallway. When he was far enough down, he felt Corvus recede in the opposite direction. Interesting. Corvus wasn’t typically a messenger, Thanos left the Chitauri for that. This must be important.

When Loki arrived he found that he was not alone in Thanos’ presence. Gamora and Nebula were standing to the side, leaning against the rocks. The Other was opposite them, staring at the newcomer who stood in the center. Said newcomer was a man in all black with a large hood and an even larger war hammer.

The hammer was different, but still reminded him of -

Loki inclined his head to the turned throne out of habit and took his place to Nebula’s left.

“Ah, so you have decided to join us, my son.”

Loki suppressed his flinch at Thanos’ words. “Yes, Father. I apologize for my tardiness.”

Thanos turned to look at him, and Loki was completely still. No matter how many years passed he still couldn’t shake the habit that came from when the Titan cast his gaze his way.

“No matter. We have matters of greater importance to discuss.”

Loki didn’t relax as Thanos turned to the newcomer (who, now that Loki could see him better, was a Kree.).

“Speak.”

The Kree scowled, and Loki held his breath, waiting for him to be struck down by Thanos for his insolence. 

Nothing happened.

Loki paused. This man must have something of great value to Thanos if he was willing to let disrespect go so easily.

“I want your aid in annihilating the Xandarians. In return,” the kree said “I will offer a power source I know of. There is word of an orb, hidden away, that I believe might be beneficial to your own goal.”

An Infinity stone.

Loki resisted the urge to curse. Of course Thanos would deal with this arrogant fool for one of the stones-- and it sounded like he didn’t even know what it was.

Beside him, Nebula and Gamora had grown just as interested. Nebula leaned forward slightly from where she had been messing with a blaster, her face tense.

Thanos smiled at the Kree, a sickly, patronizing look. “Thank you, Ronan, for your offer.”

The now-identified Ronan nodded sharply, his face still with an edge of anger to it. “So do you accept?”

The Other hissed from his place. “Watch your tone, Kree .”

Ronan bared his teeth at The Other, but was cut off when Thanos chuckled. Everyone turned to look at him. The Mad Titan leaned back into his throne and put a contemplative hand on his wrinkled chin.

“You are bold, Ronan. I will give you that.” There was a pause in which everyone held their breath. 

“I will accept your offer,” Thanos decided. He gestured to Loki and his sisters. “I will send my children with you to serve, and ensure our goals are reached.”

Loki was still, but the tiniest bit of relief scratched it’s way into him. At least now he knew what was expected of him. He knew what he had to do.

“Thank you, Father,” Gamora said, nodding to Thanos. 

Nebula, not to be outdone by Gamora, stood and approached Thanos. “When will we depart, Father?”

“Immediately.”

Ronan was grinning with a self-satisfaction that grinded on Loki’s nerves, but he ignored it in favor of turning to Thanos.

“We will not fail you.” The alternative was much, much worse.

Thanos spared Loki a glance. It was contemplative and cruel, and yet there was just a hint of satisfaction.

“See to it that you do not.”