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He wishes he could say he saw this coming.
That at any point in this vengeful lone crusade of his there was a moment he realized his actions will lead him to this. He should have known the moment Barbara's sniper hit him, or when a truck he didn't notice, too focused on Jason, smashed into him and sent him to a hospital with a concussion and bruised ribs. An alarm should have gone off in his head the second his mind made him see himself on the ground in a pool of blood instead of an innocent kid who was really dying in that moment. It's almost like the universe was giving him a sign, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him viciously to wake him up and make him see the bigger picture, rewinding the tape over and over and giving him a chance to stop fucking this up.
Well, looks like fate gave up on him.
He should have known better than to push his luck. He should have seen the warning signs, listened to the pleading and begging of those around him who did see them from a mile away. There was a way to predict this, to prevent this from happening. This outcome was there right in front of him all the time, a trap at the finish line masqueraded as a grand prize and he simply refused to look through the veil of illusion.
So when the bullet hits his neck, time runs out.
It's the countdown reaching zero, Dick realizes, feeling his own blood soaking through the fabric of his glove when he presses his hand to the wound. His last chance, last shot, last life wasted. His head spins, taste of copper spreads over his tongue, knees hit the ground in front of Jason and Dick knows there won't be any do-overs this time. No more hitting rewind just to make the same mistakes again. Because they were mistakes, every decision leading him here, no matter how big or how small. Bruce's gruff voice, void of any emotions, ringing in his ear with three little words Jason is dead was the moment the carefully crafted domino pattern of his new, better life started falling and now he, the last piece standing, is about to meet his fate and hit the ground.
Maybe it was always meant to end this way, him bleeding out on the Gotham soil, repaying with his own blood for the one he himself spilled in these streets over the years. Maybe this is him paying a price for wanting to be good and change his life, maybe this is Gotham reclaiming him once and for all after his escape. Icarus got a taste of heaven so he went to meet the Sun and now his wings are burned to ashes, mixing with the earth that trapped him. Because he never deserved to feel the warmth of the Sun, or to notice the beauty in the darkness of a night sky, or to hear a roar of a tiger gaining his freedom. He got it but it was never supposed to be his to begin with; he got it and he took it for granted, so now the world was turning the tables on him.
People are chanting Red Hood's name around him, their feet and their fists collide with his body crumpled on the ground like a piece of paper. He can't see Jason, he's not in the crowd and Dick doubts he's even still here at all. It doesn't matter anymore though, there's only pain, his blood burning his skin, his heart failing to pump it through his body.
When will it end? When the last drop dries on the ground?
He's trying to cover his head even though there's really no point to it, so he drops them when he feels the last of his strength drain from his body; he gives up and lets fate finish its job. The back of his head hits the ground, the world slowly becomes quiet around him, the fight ends and leaves him to rot.
When Dick fades away, he thinks about them.
It's foolish, really, to torture himself like that. But if he's dying, if these are his last moments, he wants to spend them with the ones he loves, even if they are only memories. They aren't here right now and he only has himself to thank for that. So he will be the coward, he will be the fool who pushed them all away, he will let himself be pathetic and stupid and hang on to the memories because the memories are all he has left.
And when his heart gives out its last few beats, it sings out their names, one by one.
Kory.
His Sun, his fire, the love he never knew he craved until he lost it. She'd be so disappointed in him if she could see him now, so angry, he knows. Would she lash out? Burn him to a crisp for being this stupid? Or would she cry and tell him he just lost the one thing he never really had? But he doesn't want to think about that as he goes; he wants to remember her radiant smile that always makes him weak, the fire burning bright in her veins. If he's dying, he wants to remember the pressure of her lips against his, the feel of her body weaving under him, her hands in his hair. He wants to hear his own name drawn from her lips in a sacred whisper. He'll go remembering her giant heart, the love she has for the kids, the twinkle in her eyes when she looks at him.
How will she remember him? Will she remember him at all? Dick can only hope she will, that he won't become a mere splash of ink on the cards of history of Princess Koriand'r of Tamaran, the great Starfire. He doesn't want to be a splash on ink, he wants to be a whole chapter.
But it doesn't really matter what he wants, does it? What matters is that she will do the job he couldn't do, she will be the leader he failed to be. She will take care of the kids because there is no way she would ever leave them on their own, she cares about them too much. She will take his place and make things right and maybe someday she'll forgive him for the mess he's leaving her with.
Gar.
Gar would rip him to shreds if he was here, of that Dick has no doubts. He told him how this could end if Dick keeps doing what he's doing, growled it into his face and called him out on all the bullshit but Dick didn't listen. He didn't even hear the words coming out of his own mouth, Gar was right about that too. But… that's not what he wants to focus on right now. Instead of the fear masked with anger burning in his eyes and that disappointed scowl Gar was wearing every time he looked at him ever since that encounter, Dick wants to remember the giant, infectious grin that brightens up the boy's entire face whenever he's happy. He wants to remember this enormous pride swelling in his chest at everything Gar had accomplished in such a short time. His desire to do good, strive to be good, that light and innocence his heart still holds despite the darkness on his shoulders sometimes being too heavy to carry. Gar is everything Dick ever wanted to be, everything he didn't get to be, everything he thought he couldn't be. And above all, he's better - a better friend, a better teammate, a better person than Dick could have ever hoped to be.
What would he say right now? Would he say anything at all? Sometimes silence speaks louder than words and since Dick didn't hear Gar's words before, Gar probably wouldn't even try to repeat himself. Why would he?
But Dick will go remembering his laugh. The bright light shining in his eyes. The jokes, their banter, those times Gar tried to teach him how to play his video games and win. He will remember his little, green-haired shadow absorbing the knowledge from him like a sponge, trying to copy and learn his every move just to end up doing it better. He will remember the happiness Gar brought to his life and he'll hope the boy will carry that joy with him along the way as he grows up and becomes a man.
Rachel.
Why does the last beat of his heart have to hurt the most? Why does it have to scream her name and expect his soul not to fall apart before it transfers to the other side? His baby girl, his light in the dark, his anchor. The center of his goddamn universe, that's what she is and always will be. He's been lost without her, unsure how was he able to navigate through everything before he met her. But he would never put the blame of his choices on her shoulders, that's his fault and his alone. She's not here right now and even if she was, she might not have been enough to stop it. She'd be furious with him, devastated. He wouldn't be able to watch the tears pour down her face, look into her eyes and see the betrayal in that ocean of blue. Because he's breaking yet another promise, he's leaving her again, abandoning her like a selfish coward he is.
God, she doesn't even know. Here he is, taking his last breath as his blood seeps into the ground and she doesn't know. Who will tell her? Who will catch her when the grief comes crashing down on her? Who will hold her when her scream rips the world apart? And he knows it will, like it almost did many times when she woke up from a nightmare torturing her with visions of his death, always bloody and always painful. Maybe it's good she isn't here to witness this, to see the blood and that gaping hole in his flesh. She will come back to see him clean and peaceful, laid in a casket in a well pressed suit. She will weep but she will not be haunted by a nightmare that's no longer a nightmare but a vision came true.
He'll go remembering her beauty. Those big blue orbs staring up at him like he's her entire world, the softness of her hair and how he loved to play with it, watching her fall asleep. He'll leave this world remembering her smile and how it cracked his heart wide open, the strength he helped her bring to surface. How it felt to hold her against him for the first time and every time after that, how soft her skin was under his lips when he kissed her forehead every night before bed. He'll remember the smell of coffee and her eyes rolling at his corny jokes. He will greet death like an old friend knowing that Rachel gets to live, to love and be happy, to flourish and grow to someday take the world by storm. He won't be here to see it or say how much she means to him but he's already so damn proud.
What is it going to be like? Will everything just go dark? Lights out, curtain down, end of story? Or maybe someone will be waiting for him on the other side? Maybe it'll be Donna, holding a welcoming committee with Garth and Hank at her side, the three teasing him so much he'll wish to die again just to not listen to it. Or maybe it will be his parents and he'll be that little boy again, running into his mother's arms and it will feel like home.
Kory.
The Gotham sky is clear and full of stars tonight.
Gar.
The wind whistles around but all other noises fade away.
Rachel.
There's a shout, a thunder of boots on the pavement. He can't move.
I love you.
A small, warm hand lands on his cheek but he can barely feel it anymore, because all that's left is darkness.
And Dick Grayson is no more.
Bright light at the end of the tunnel.
Huh.
He should've expected it.
He's not sure where he is, he just knows he needs to move forward, towards the light. The white glow at the exit is calling out to him, inviting him in. There's nowhere else he could go, only there. Onward.
Rachel? Is he gonna make it?
He stops, the heart in his chest coming alive at the sound of the voice, at the name echoing in the space around him. He lifts his head, starts looking around, trying to find the source but the voice is everywhere and nowhere at once.
I don't know , comes a reply and that second voice in turn almost makes his heart stop. Is she here? Is this her doing? How else could she-
"In the beginning, there was fear."
Another voice. Louder and clearer, and one Dick never expected nor wanted to hear. He twists around, there's a silhouette of a man standing against the bright light.
Crane.
"Where am I?" Dick asks.
"Eternity." Crane simply replies. His steps echo around as he slowly creeps upon him. "Your story begins the night your parents died."
Maybe it's not Peace that awaits him at the end, Dick thinks as the man in front of him starts his tirade.
Maybe he's headed in the opposite direction.
It's like being born again.
The first haul of air filling his lungs is painful, attacking his chest with millions of ice needles and Dick panics as he chokes on it before his body reminds him how to properly breathe. His reaction is pure instinct, to get out, save himself, to survive. His arms thresh the water blindly until his fingers brush a bit of hard ground he can anchor himself to. His muscles burn as he pulls himself up, but then his mind registers a touch on his shoulder, familiar and warm; someone's hands help him get to the surface, they guide and hold him as Dick crawls out of the water and falls heavily on a hard floor. A familiar voice calls his name, small hand tightens its grip on his forearm. He's trying to hold on to it, desperate to stop his consciousness slipping out of his grasp, but all Dick manages to recognize are patches of color, the oval of a pale face framed by a halo of blue before his back hits the ground beneath him and everything around gets swallowed by black.
He doesn't know how much time has passed when he jolts awake, panting heavily; it could've been hours or merely seconds. But the world around him becomes sharp as his eyes focus on his surroundings, the colored spots take on recognizable shapes. The little hand on his shoulder squeezes lightly, and the touch becomes so recognizable, so familiar, that his heart immediately responds to it with a wild gallop, nearly breaking out of his chest. He follows the hand as it trails over his arm gently before his gaze catches sight of ocean blue eyes staring back at him.
She's pale as a ghost but couldn't possibly be more real. As beautiful as he remembers her, she's smiling down at him with relief written all over her face and for a second Dick thinks he's dreaming, an echo of her voice coming back to him, calling out to him and begging him to answer. He must be dreaming because how else would she be here? But no, it's not a dream or some vision, it's really happening.
He rolls onto his side and reaches out, trembling fingers caressing her cheek gently.
"Rachel."
Rachel's smile grows and she nods, her fingers squeeze his arm one more time. She opens her mouth to say something but in that moment Dick registers movement behind her and he's hauling himself up with another name on his lips. "Gar."
"It's okay now, you're safe." Rachel soothes him when he gets himself on his knees, reaching out to his face before she lets her hand drop. "Let us help you."
Gar is standing by her side, watching Dick with worry. Dick figures he must look like shit, because Gar's body is taut as a string, ready to spring into action and help if Dick needs it.
"Are you alright?" The boy asks him tentatively. "What… what happened down there?"
Dick looks down at the glowing water he just emerged from and wipes a hand over his face, pushing wet hair away from his forehead. His heart is still pounding, Gar's question sparks up images in his brain that come to life again, as vivid as if he was still in there. Good memories mix with bad ones, each one of them real and tugging at his heart.
Jonathan Crane's venomous voice hissing in his ear, weaving sick poems and messing with his head.
Don't you get it? The battle for your soul… is over. You lost.
Himself dressed in The Joker's suit, the crowbar in his hand and blood splashed on his face, Jason's body lying at his feet.
No, please. Don't. Please don't do this.
The crowbar in his hand. The strikes. Again and again. Blood splashing over his face. Crane's voice.
Jason. He never stood a chance, too. You always wanted him dead.
No.
So you killed him.
No. It was the Joker.
The Joker was just a weapon in your hands.
Jason dead. Jason bleeding out on the ground. The clank of the crowbar against the stone. Crane and his sick manipulation.
You always wanted Jason gone. So you abandoned him. You hated him. You wanted to be the Detective's only son. And then Jason came and he took your place. He took your home, he took your father.
The bright light. The woods. His father - his real father - smiling at him with more love in his eyes than he had ever seen there. John Grayson, letting him know everything is alright even after everything Dick has done in his life.
Dad, I'm sorry. I lost my way. I was trying to be someone I'm not. And I f- failed you.
It's okay, son. I love you.
That little dark-skinned girl with a red balloon in her tiny hand, his pride and joy, giving him a smile she got from her mother. Smile just as beautiful as the one that made him fall in love with Kory. A hint of purple in her hair styled in two precious little buns on her head. Full lips only one woman in the universe could have given her but the eyes, those deep brown eyes, Grayson eyes , were his.
Hi, Daddy!
A pool of blood with his own reflection in it. Jason, terrified and trapped, Crane pushing him down like he's nothing but a piece of trash.
Your father wasn't the only one you failed. You failed Jason as well.
There's still time.
Time for what?
Time to change him.
To change? No. No, no, no. He works for me now. All it took was a simple fear treaty. And poof! His soul was mine.
I can stop you.
No, you can never stop me now. You had your chance and you failed.
"Crane can be stopped." Dick breathes out in a rush, a plan already forming in his head. "There's still time."
He's back on his feet and heading out before the plan fully takes shape, but he's already in the motion of fulfilling the first step. He needs his car, his suit and Jason. He needs to find Jason, it's necessary if he wants this plan to work.
He doesn't stop even when Gar calls out after him, "Wait, Dick, you need to rest, man."
But the plan branches out and makes Dick spin on his heel to face the two teenagers, watching him with wide eyes filled with confusion.
"Anton and First Street, there's an abandoned control room." Dick informs them, his gaze flicking between one and the other to make sure his orders are loud and clear. They're running out of time, there's no room for repeating himself and explaining every little detail. "Find Conner, make sure he's okay. Unite the Titans."
Simple task, at least in theory. They found him, they found this place, there's no doubt in him that Gar and Rachel will find the rest of the team, wherever they ended up after their failed operation at the GCPD. These two together are a force to be reckoned with, Dick knows he can count on them to do the job right.
So with one last look proving to him that his orders were received, Dick turns back towards the exit and rushes out, his steps thundering in the space around him. His clothes are still wet, light breeze coming from outside sends chills over his body, but he tries to ignore it and focus on the task at hand. It might take some convincing for Jason to agree to help him, but with right motivation and careful choice of words maybe he'll be able to-
"Dick, wait!"
Small hand wraps around his bicep and yanks him back, forcing him to turn around. He's met with Rachel's wide eye gaze, the piercing blue of her eyes staring into hls rooting him to the ground.
"Please, wait," she repeats more gently this time, almost breathlessly, like she's begging, but her grip on his arm only gets stronger. "You just-" She glances at the shining waters of the pit over her shoulder before coming back to him and it strikes him to notice her lip is trembling, "Are you sure you're okay?"
Dick looks at her then, really takes her in and feels his heart slowly sinking in his chest, like a rock thrown into the ocean. Her wide, watery eyes boring into him like she's trying to see through into his soul, the almost vicious way she's clutching his arm as if the moment she lets go he will disappear into thin air, the trembling in her voice she's trying to hide but can't. She looks absolutely terrified, he realizes, broken and devastated. His eyes move to Gar hovering close to her, praying he won't see the same thing but he does; the boy is pushing his fists into the pockets of his jeans but it's not enough to hide the shaking, and his face holds the same amount of worry he can see in Rachel's eyes. Gar is studying him carefully, looking for any signs that something could be wrong.
"Maybe you should take a minute." he suggests quietly, his voice tense and thin.
Dick releases a long, deep breath as he looks between the two then behind them, at the hole in the ground filled with glowing water he crawled out of barely a minute ago.
After he got shot in the neck and bled out dry.
Yeah, maybe he should take a fucking minute because he just died and came back to life.
Oh God, and Gar and Rachel had to-
Realization hits him like a ton of bricks. They saw everything. They are the ones who found him, who brought him here, wherever here is and somehow revived him.
No wonder they are so shaken now. He was dead minutes ago.
He fucking died.
And now he's back and he's already rushing off like nothing happened. Like he hadn't learned anything, like he still has a death wish. He's walking out on two terrified kids, his kids his heart reminds him, who love him more than he ever deserved it, not to mention they are the reason he's even alive right now.
God, he's such an idiot.
Softening, Dick steps forward and reaches out to gently cup Rachel's cheek in his palm, brushing off a small tear that rolls down towards his thumb. Then he reaches out to Gar, who instantly curls his fingers around his forearm when Dick rests his other hand at the nape of his neck, his fingers diving onto the boy's hair. He captures their gazes, full of so much fear and sorrow, and before their hearts can completely break, he's pulling them both into his arms, crushes them in a fierce embrace trying to fuse them into his soul. Gar and Rachel fold into his sides, slowly at first but then their hold grows just as desperate, just as strong as his. Rachel burrows her face in his neck and lets out a broken sob that sounds like his name, racking through her small frame. Gar's fingers claw at his back, gripping viciously as the boy lets out a shuddering breath and rests his forehead against his shoulder. Only now, when he's holding them like this, his kids let the fear finally get the best of them, not needing to put on a brave face anymore.
"I'm okay," Dick tells them softly and squeezes them tighter. "I'm back. Everything's okay."
"We thought we lost you." Rachel's voice comes out shaky and muffled. He tucks her head under his chin when he hears her sniffle. "You were- You were gone ."
"I know." He breathes out and rests his cheek on top of her head, his arm tightening around her back. "But I'm back now, it's alright."
"You scared us, man." Gar wipes his face with the back of his hand when he pulls away after a moment. His eyes are still glassy but he blinks the rest of his tears away. "You really scared us."
There's no point in denying that, Dick knows it's true. Rachel pulls away too and straightens up, a mask of resilience and courage covering the fear and worry just like Gar is hiding behind his own, both acting as if those tears still drying on their cheeks weren't there. But even though they are both still trying to be good little soldiers and keep their emotions in check, their eyes speak volumes.
Dick hates himself forever making them feel this way. It never should have happened. They're kids for God's sake.
His kids.
His.
Rachel, his little girl, not so little anymore. Three months, usually a blink of an eye but without her each day was like slow, never ending torture. And now, by some damn miracle she's here, saving him once again. How did he get this lucky? There's something new about her too; this strength he knew was hidden there somewhere she's now wearing like armor, even now when she's seconds away from crying. And she's taller now, the moment he notices he feels a sharp tug in his chest. His little girl has gotten taller . How long was he gone?
And Gar. The boy who told him once already how stupid he's being, how careless his actions were. The boy who in his fear of losing the closest thing he has to a father since losing his own, let loose on his anger and snapped at him, thinking harsh words would work better than pleading but they didn't, even though Gar was absolutely right about everything. When he looks into these eyes, Dick remembers the pride he felt in his chest at the progress Gar made in his training, at the resilience he's got for mastering his ever growing, always evolving powers. He remembers the joy of hearing Gar laugh, getting infected with his bright light and happiness and knows how much he was missing it these last few weeks, even though Gar was right here, always by his side. And it wasn't Gar's fault, it was Dick's own doing; he distanced himself, he shut them all out and look where it got him.
He's not sure how they found this place, he had no idea there was a fucking Lazarus Pit hidden in Gotham, and it's not something Bruce would hide from him so it's safe to assume he doesn't know either. Then how did Gar and Rachel find it? How did they know how to use it? These questions will have to wait, Dick decides then, he can't let himself dive into the schematics of his resurrection when Crane is still on the loose.
"I don't know how you did it, but you saved my life. Thank you." he tells them with pride ringing in his voice, his hands coming to squeeze their shoulders. "And as much as I would love to catch up-" he turns to Rachel and gives her a smile, "-we don't have time. But I'm really glad you're back."
Rachel beams at him and grabs his wrist, holding on tight. "Guess I got here just in time."
"You did."
"I have so much to tell you."
"And I can't wait to hear it all." His fingers trail over her chin tenderly before he steps back and takes a breath. As much as he hates it, a proper reunion has to wait. "But we need to deal with Crane first. I need you both to find Kory and the rest."
Gar shares a glance with Rachel, then frowns, "Wait, what are you gonna do?"
"I need to find Jason." Knowing he can leave them now without worrying and not wanting to lose more time, Dick turns back to the exit and picks up a fast pace, but looks over his shoulder and shouts, "Like I said: unite the Titans!"
"Unite the Titans where?" Rachel's voice echoes around the space.
Dick feels a sly smirk tugging at his lips before he replies, "Take them to Donna!"
Barbara says his team found a hideout in Chinatown, so as soon as Jason is out of the car, Dick turns the wheels around with a screech of tires and heads in that direction at full speed. There's only one person from Chinatown who would be willing to help Titans at this point: Tim Drake. Last time he saw the kid, he was laying on the ground with a bullet in his back, but if Dick came back to life, if Donna is back too (he's not sure how he knows it, but ever since getting out the Pit he has this feeling and he knows it's true) then who knows, maybe Tim cheated death as well. Stranger things have happened.
When Dick's car pulls up to the front of the restaurant, Tim is already waiting. He's leading him towards the back, to a small alcove behind the counter with a door to the basement. Their steps rumble as they descend the narrow staircase, but Dick doesn't hear the sound, muffled by the wild beating of his own heart - because they're there, right behind this door at the end of a dark hallway he's in right now, they are all there.
And they know. Or at least he thinks they do.
A greeting is sitting at the tip of his tongue when Tim opens the door and they enter; a little lighthearted tease, a lame joke to crack the tension, a shadow of a smirk pulling at his lips. But once Dick registers the scene before him, all of that melts like an ice cube, leaving him with a sense of cold and dread lurking just beneath his skin.
Conner and Blackfire are cooped up in one corner between stacks of random objects, immersed in a quiet conversation. They lift their eyes at him when they notice him and Dick expects some kind of attack, retaliation for what he did to Conner earlier, but none of that happens; they simply look at him, acknowledging his presence - Conner's eyes glaze over him without much interest, Blackfire's purple gaze holds a spark of something like curiosity - but that's all he gets before their focus is back on each other as if he wasn't even there.
Gar, with his eyes cast down and arms crossed over his chest, is leaning against the wall, ghostly pale even in the warm light of paper lamps hanging from the ceiling. Dick knows he can sense his presence from the way his body tenses for a moment when he hears the door opening, just to relax his shoulders the next second, but the boy doesn't lift his eyes to meet his. No, he's staring at the floor, his face is twisted in a frown, jaw clenched tight; Gar is a statue, frozen and unmoving, adamant to blend in with the surroundings.
But none of it crushes Dick, none of it shatters his heart into million little pieces and fills the empty space with guilt and regret like the sight of Kory and Rachel, both perched on a small table stacked with books, newspapers and maps, huddled so close together as if they merged into one being. Rachel is leaning heavily against Kory's side, her head resting on her shoulder where their hair, waves of electric blue and dark purple mix and tangle together. Kory's long fingers run softly through Rachel's curls while she's murmuring something to the girl's ear, hushed words he can't hear nor decipher.
And they are both crying.
He can see Rachel's tears rolling down her pale cheeks, heavy and shining like diamonds. Her eyes are rimmed red, face swollen and her shoulders rattle with every ragged breath she takes. Kory's face is hidden in the shadows but Dick can hear it in her voice; the brokenness and waiver of her tone, the lump in her throat she's choking on when she speaks. She's clutching Rachel's hand in hers on her lap and they're both shaking, trembling like leaves in the wind, holding each other to keep one another from falling apart completely.
And then they see him.
Rachel notices him first; she lifts her eyes to look at Kory but catches sight of him, hovering on the other side of the room with his heart in his throat. She lifts her head and his name falls from her lips, a broken whisper that's too loud for the silence around them. Kory follows her gaze quickly, whips her head around and the sight of her tear-streaked face feels like another bullet, shot through his heart this time. Neither says anything, they just keep staring at him as if he's nothing but a ghost, a phantom paying them a visit from beyond the grave.
In a way, that's exactly what's happening.
At first their eyes seem hollow to him, but the longer he keeps looking, the more he sees in those oceans of blue and green. Pain so excruciating it seems to bleed through every crack in their skin. Fear, paralyzing terror that keeps them frozen to their spot and grief - giant, unbearable, monstrous grief and sorrow threatening to crush them if they let it.
Grief for him , Dick realizes. They're grieving for him, shedding tears because of what happened to him even though he's standing right here in front of them, alive and breathing.
His feet carry him forward, lips part to say something while his arms reach out to them but the words get stuck in his throat when Kory and Rachel dive into his embrace, violent cries wrecking them both when they cling to him desperately.
Is it possible to feel like you're being ripped apart and put back together at the same time? Like your entire being is disintegrating into specks of golden dust but simultaneously all the broken pieces are mending together to create a whole? Because that's how Dick feels when Rachel burrows herself into his side and hides her face in the crook of his neck, a heart shattering sob shaking her small frame when she curls her arms around his waist and squeezes him as tight as she can. That's how it feels when Kory's body collides with his, when she's clutching him so tightly her nails dig painfully into the skin on his back, when she dips her face into the curve of his shoulder and all but howls, her hot tears like burning embers on his neck.
"I'm here," he tells them and brings them closer, tears welling up in his eyes as his arms curl around their shoulders. "I'm right here, I'm okay," he repeats into their ears as he holds them but it sounds meaningless to his own ears. So what that he's here? They still lost him, they still had to go through all this pain because of him and his own stupidity. Rachel still had to return from Themyscira just to see his dead body laying on the ground in a pool of blood, she and Gar still had to share the story with Kory and the others. He's here now, he made it back but it doesn't erase his death from their hearts and minds, it doesn't make their grief any less real.
"Dick…" Rachel sobs quietly into his neck, a lone sound of so much pain, so much suffering it rips through him like an arrow and he's instantly pressing her trembling body closer to him, his hand coming up to cup the back of her head while his lips find her forehead, planting a tender kiss right next to her gemstone.
"I'm right here, sweetheart." He whispers against her skin, feeling her nuzzle her face into his neck as another choked up sob escapes her lips. Trying to ignore the way his heart shatters in his chest at the sound he starts running his fingers through her hair in a soothing motion. "Shh, it's okay. Everything's okay."
His baby girl. So strong, so powerful, so brilliant and brave but falling apart at the seams at the prospect of losing him. Dick closes his eyes as another wave of guilt washes over him. He promised her he would never leave her. She went to Themyscira thinking she wouldn't have to worry about him and came back to him growing cold and bleeding out. He made her a vow she would never have to lose him like she already lost so much in her life and he broke that vow as easily as if it was a dry twig in his hands. Yet she's still here, holding onto him like he's her lifeline, like he's the only thing in this ocean of darkness keeping her afloat. And she has no idea that she's his lifeboat too, his flashlight when he's stuck in the dark, his anchor, his True North.
"You fucking idiot!" Kory growls into his shoulder, shaking him violently as if to wake him up. Dick keeps his eyes closed when he turns his face her way and presses his cheek to hers, knowing she'll spot shame in them. She's angry, furious at him as she should be, it's not like he doesn't deserve every ounce of anger she's holding out for him. "I told you, I told you repeatedly! And you didn't listen! You didn't-"
"I know." He sighs into her hair, feeling a lump growing in his throat when her words dissolve into another round of sobs. "I know, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Kory."
She's shaking against him and Dick crushes her to him, his arm snuggled tightly across her waist while he's holding back his own burning tears because he had never seen Kory like this; even when she broke the news about her family's death, even when she was at her lowest low, he had never seen her so distraught, so completely broken and shattered. He doesn't quite understand how he can be the reason for her to break so hard; or maybe he does, maybe it is possible because he'd be just as broken if he ever lost her. He kisses her temple, inhales the flowery scent of her hair and lets himself get lost in her, drown in her presence. She's his sunlight, the fire burning in his veins, the warmth that helps him survive cold nights. She's his heart and his future and he was a fool to ever think this future couldn't be possible.
There's no way to hold back his tears anymore so he lets them fall freely and tightens his hold on both of his girls, pressing them to his chest with all the strength he has as if he's trying to fuse them into his heart. His body melts around them, his heartbeat aligns with theirs and for the first time since stepping foot back in Gotham, Dick feels like he's whole again.
"I'm sorry." He lets out a pathetic sob and hides his face in between their shoulders, letting himself fall apart just a little. "I'm so, so sorry. I fucked up, I know. I'm so sorry. I'm here. I'm sorry..."
Kory and Rachel respond immediately, snuggling closer, crushing him between them like they're keeping him from crumbling down to the floor. Kory's fingers dive into his hair, carding gently through the strands at the nape of his neck; her touch sends little lightning bolts through every nerve in his body, golden sparks glowing under his skin. Rachel's hand travels across his back until it settles between his shoulder blades, drawing slow and soothing circles in a motion so well known to him, his own way of comforting her and bringing her peace. Now she's returning the favor as best as she can and it makes him smile despite the tears still burning his throat. He kisses her head again, presses his lips tightly to her temple to let her know how much it means to him, how happy he is to have her back after so long, how much he missed her.
Kory rests her forehead against the side of his head and lets out a sniffle. "Don't do this to us again." She begs him. "When will you finally understand we can't lose you?"
Dick tilts his head to meet her eyes, his forehead now brushing against hers, and for one, fleeting moment he catches a glimpse of that little girl, their future little girl , in her emerald gaze, as beautiful and as radiant as her mother. He smiles through his own tears, "I've had it knocked into my head pretty hard this time."
"I hope so." A new voice reaches him, making him straighten his back and lift his head - a voice he wouldn't dream of hearing even though he somehow knew, ever since he came out of the Pit, that she would be here. Kory and Rachel loosen their hold on him but neither lets go, they just curl to his sides and smile at the newcomer making her way through the room to them.
Donna stops in front of him with her arms crossed over her chest and sends him a crooked smile, "Because apparently only one of us is smart enough to find the way back on our own."
"Donna."
Her name is like a sigh of relief coming from his lips as he rushes to her and when she falls into his arms the next moment, the world finds its balance again. She feels real, solid and warm, holding him in such a vice grip Dick starts losing his breath. His palms smooth across her back, fingertips trailing the line of her spine, mapping the curve of her shoulders, feeling the texture of her braid. She seems to be doing the same, one arm sneaking over the line of his shoulders, palm pressing to his muscles hidden under his jacket, while her other hand dives into his hair, combing through the strands in a soothing gesture from their childhood that fills his eyes with new tears and sends his heart soaring.
Their touch speaks the same thing; you're here, it seems to whisper, you're back, you're real.
Donna leans back from him, Dick doesn't find the strength in himself to pull away first. She doesn't let go though, her hands slide over to his shoulders to squeeze tightly, before he feels her shaking palm press to his cheek. She's giving him that playful, sisterly smile of hers but her eyes glisten with tears and when her thumb trails under his eye, Dick realizes he's barely holding back his own.
"You're stupid, Boy Wonder," she chokes out and sniffles, "You know that?"
His grin only grows bigger, same as his heart, "I do."
"I'm the one who gets to have a dumb, reckless death here, I'm-"
Dick pulls her back to him before she can finish and presses his lips to her cheek. "Older, smarter, prettier." the words roll off his tongue with a sigh as his eyes flutter closed and he sinks into her embrace again. "I know. And I've missed you, too."
Every minute of every day for the last three months, her absence was like a gaping, bleeding hole in his heart. The one person he selfishly made himself believe he would never lose, the one who has always been invincible in his eyes suddenly was gone and he didn't know how to cope most of the time. If it wasn't for Kory and the rest, he'd be completely lost.
But on the other hand, wasn't he lost this whole time? Wasn't he slowly losing himself ever since he came back to Gotham?
Donna squeezes him tight once more before letting go for real and taking a step back with a deep breath. She squares her shoulders and lifts her chin up, and Dick watches the warrior spirit take over her, features hardening into a mask of fire and determination. Here she is, Donna Troy. The Amazon Heroine. Wonder Girl. Ready to fight. Ready to win.
"Okay, don't think you're not gonna hear an earful from me for all the shit you pulled recently." She threatens him with a finger to his face. Dick doesn't dare look away from her, knowing the consequences of even a side glance, but he does hear a poorly masked chuckle somewhere from the side, more than likely coming from Gar. "But first we got some work to do, don't we?"
Her gaze is challenging, like a dare she wants him to take. A card thrown on the table and she's waiting for him to pick it up and make a move. Donna is pushing him to take the reins and become a leader.
Feeling several gazes on him, Dick looks around slowly, meeting the eyes of every single person in the room. Tim, hidden in the corner as if he wasn't a part of this group, buzzing with anticipation, a spark of excitement burning in his eyes. Blackfire, Kory's supposedly evil sister, giving him an ironic smirk but without an ounce of malice. Conner, anxious but curious, ready for whatever happens next. Gar, pressing his lips into a thin line, throwing him an unsure but hopeful gaze with a hint of worry lurking behind his eyes. And Kory and Rachel, standing right by his side with their arms wrapped around each other, sending him encouraging smiles, nothing but pride and love in their still teary eyes.
His family, united at last. A little battered and bruised, with a web of cracks still in need of mending. Some of these cracks Dick had made himself and it's his job to fix them, to be the glue that will hold these broken pieces together. And it's something he cannot do as someone this city wants him to be, a lone bird chased by a bat's shadow.
No. He's not that person anymore.
He's the son of John and Mary Grayson.
Nightwing.
"Titans?" Dick calls out to his team, his heart singing the word with a loud beat. A call to arms everybody in the room responds to in an instant, their eyes shining, chins going up, backs straightening. It's like they're holding their breaths, looking at him with trust and respect and a little part of him still isn't sure he deserves it, but he lets it fuel him anyway, fill his veins with fire as he accepts the weight of responsibility back on his shoulders. His lips stretch into a grin as his eyes lock on Kory, his partner, his co-leader, his heart. "We got work to do."
Loud cheers and laughs erupt all around. Donna nods at him, pride burning in her gaze. A shout turns everyone's attention to Gar, who claps his hands, grinning at Dick from ear to ear.
"Ladies and gentlemen, he's BACK!"
Dick lets out an earnest laugh, the feeling of impossible warmth spreading over his heart at the happiness in the boy's eyes, at all the relief pouring out of him. Without warning he flings his arm over Gar's neck and pulls him close, his hand ruffling the mop of green hair playfully. Gar laughs and tries to dodge his hand, but he presses himself to his side, his hand on Dick's shoulder squeezing tight.
"And he better be here to stay." Kory adds in agreement, throwing Dick a glance sharp enough to know she's deadly serious, even if her smile is almost blinding at their little display.
"No need to worry, I'm not going anywhere." He tells her and he really means it this time. He is here to stay.
Kory nods and immediately softens, her eyes gazing up at him in a way that has his heart racing and for a moment Dick forgets they aren't alone in this room. Or this city. Or this on this entire planet.
"Tim?" Dick turns to the owner of the hideout who's still trying to blend in with the wall like he's a part of the room.
Tim jumps, surprised there's attention on him now. "Y-yeah?"
He smirks, "Show me what you got around here."