Chapter Text
The familiar sound of hospital halls: the rattle of beds, the beeps of machines, the constant hurried footsteps of nurses as they make their way from room to room.
Being a doctor you’d think one would be used to it by now. Usually, he is. Yeah, on a normal day he wouldn’t even think twice about any of those noises. But as it was right now, he wasn’t simply working. No, instead he sat in that shitty guest chair, just like he’d done the last four days.
Waiting.
Waiting and waiting and waiting and by god, those noises get to you.
For four days, he’d come in to sit by Luffy’s side, waiting, hoping, begging that he’ll wake up soon. No amount of knowledge or experience in the medical field can take away the constant, lingering ‘what if’s’ that fill his mind. In fact he’s nearly convinced it might have made it worse. The fact that he knows about all the many things that could go wrong, no matter how low the chances.
He’d always been one to overthink. Always worried every last bit of sanity out of his mind if left on his own.
Luffy would usually be there to stop him, to cheer him up, to come with a positive input or tell him about how many ways it could go right. But, you know, Luffy was still out. A car accident, a head wound, a coma.
Law wished I’d been him, would have taken Luffy’s spot in a heartbeat.
He leaned back in the chair, hearing it protest at the shift of weight. His book was left forgotten in his lap after he’d given up reading the same paragraph for the 14th time.
He was currently taking a break. Forced to ‘sit down and breath for a moment’. Bepo was not happy about how he’d overworked himself the last couple days. He might as well distract himself by working when he was here anyway.
So what if that turned into a twenty hour shift, and so what if he was found asleep in this exact chair due to over exhaustion.
Going home was simply not an option. Being back at their place, seeing how empty and quiet it is without Luffy there. It would make it all too real. At least he’s forced to keep it together here, push down panic attack after panic attack now that he was in a public place. Look calm and composted in front of his colleagues.
The only moment his mind isn’t racing is when he’s elbows deep in someones gut. A safe space, it’s always been.
With a look at his watch, he decided he’d taken a long enough break. Now he’d have a couple hours of peace before Bepo would once again send him judging glances whenever they crossed each other in the hallways.
He took a last glance at Luffy’s face. His head was wrapped up with bandages, but he still had such a peaceful look on his face.
Putting his book aside, he got back up to leave.
The day was slow, much to Law’s dismay. He wasn’t needed there, been told by countless people to go home and sleep. Told he looks even more dead than usual. He felt dead. Much like every bit of life had been sucked right out of him when he got a call, telling him Luffy was in the hospital.
He avoided looking in any mirrors, knew he wouldn’t like what he’d find. Probably eye bags twice the size of his usual, more permanent ones. A simple scratch on his cheeks also told him stubble had grown, not having been home to shave nor trim.
Not that he hadn’t showered. That would be disgusting and he’s not that far gone yet. He’d also been vomited on a couple times, so thank fuck for the showers in the changing room. Although he smelled of cheap hospital shampoo, it was better than vomit, and certainly better than greasy hair.
Luffy would never have allowed him to stay at the hospital for days on end, would have dragged him by the ear while nagging him about ‘self-destructive’ behavior. Bepo had tried, but luckily a glare was enough to keep him quiet.
Law made his way into the hallway, running a shaking hand through his hair. He didn’t really have anything to do, even the ER was slow. He decided to check up on some patients, maybe ask around if anyone needed help.
First stop was a recovering patient. One of which Law had indeed been elbows deep in, removing a tumor just two days ago.
He knocked on the door, and with a hum of reply, made his way in.
“How are you feeling?” Came the question much on autopilot. He did a quick scan of the room, checking all the machines, looking for the slightest anything that would be out of place. There wasn’t any, not to anyones surprise.
“I’m alright, a nurse was just in here a second ago,” the man replied, not once looking away from the phone screen in front of him. Law wasn’t needed, as expected.
The disappointment must have been evident, because the man glanced up at him with a weird look.
“Is something wrong?” He asked, concerned, and Law realized his staring and silence might be kind of creepy. Okay, he wasn’t even doing any good being here, that was clear. He really should get his shit together.
“No, sorry for interrupting you,” he replied awkwardly, making his way for the door. God, he’d never been very social, but this was on some other level.
“Is it true your wife is in a coma?” The man asked as he’d just turned around. “That must be pretty rough, dude,” he added, unhelpfully. Law glanced back at him, he wasn’t even surprised, the nurses here tended to gossip. Loudly.
“My husband. and yes, it is.” He made to walk the rest of the way out, seeing the shift of emotion on the guys face, he knew nothing good would come out his mouth had he stayed.
Now that that was over, Law decided against doing patient checkups. He really was not in the right mental space for smalltalk.
He found himself walking back down a familiar hall before he knew it. Just one glance inside, and he would get back to work. Really, he would. He was just gonna take a quick peek, make sure everything is alright. It wasn’t like anything would change in such a short amount of time, it was fine. He was fine.
Not bothering to knock, he opened the door and oh- Luffy was sitting up.
Law felt as if a million ton had been lifted off his shoulders the moment their eyes met. He made his way into the room quickly, shutting the door behind him.
Luffy looked a bit lost and confused, but that was normal, that usually happened when you wake up in the hospital. Law made his way to the side of the bed, just about to sit down when Luffy spoke excitedly.
“OH YOU! Aren’t you that doctor that saved me and ace’s life?” And what.
It felt like the world stopped for a moment, and had Law not been specialized in cardiology, he would be certain his heart had too. Much like glass dropped onto the ground, shattered into a million pieces. That’s how he felt.
Because Luffy did not show any hint of joking, nor would he ever make a joke like that. His expression was pure, genuine curiosity. And Law might have thrown up. He felt it in his throat, but willed it back down.
That weight that had been lifted was instead dropped inside his stomach, making him unable to do anything but stare, eyes wide and mouth agape in shock.
“Erm…” Luffy said after what might have been well over a minute. He cocked his head to the side, clearly confused and perhaps a bit concerned at the sudden silence.
Law forced himself into doctor mode. He needed to get it together. He was going to freak Luffy out if he didn’t say anything Right. Now.
“C-can you tell me your name?” Was the first thing he managed to get out.
“It’s Luffy. Monkey D. Luffy. Are you not supposed to know that?” Law nodded, sitting back, but deciding against it in favor of pacing around the room instead.
“How old are you?” He asked next, picking up and pretending to look at the clipboard attached to Luffy’s bed. It’s not like he didn’t already know, but his eyes needed to do something other than stare him down.
“I’m.. twenty fi- six, twenty six,” he answered unsure, only confirming what Law already knew.
“Okay… it appears that you’re suffering from amnesia,” Law stated, and if it sounded weary, he didn’t dare to notice. Luffy cocked his head once again, which he really shouldn’t do with a head injury, but oh well. “Memory loss,” Law explained, and Luffy nodded slowly.
“What happened?” That was a fair question, one people usually asked before anything else.
“Car accident, do you recall anything?” Law had successfully entered doctor mode. He can go scream in the bathroom after he finishes checking if Luffy is okay.
“I um…” Luffy pinched his brows together, something Law knew all too well as his thinking face. “No, I don’t think so… how long have I been out?”
“Four days,” he replied, stomach sinking at the thought of it. “How are you feeling?” Luffy’s first response was to place a hand on his head, wincing slightly. Law gave him a moment to find his answer, willing his hands to stop shaking around the clipboard held in a white-knuckled grip.
“I’m alright, I think… are you?” Law really shouldn’t have been surprised at the question. After all, it didn’t matter if this Luffy knew him or not, he’d always been able to read how Law was feeling.
“Why do you ask?” Came his question as he intended to play dumb. He needed to get out of this room soon, even doctor mode wasn’t enough to keep him from freaking the fuck out much longer.
“You’ve just seemed kinda… tense? Since you came in here, ‘s all.” The way Luffy looked at him was not unfamiliar, it was just a look that hadn’t been directed at him for many years. That feeling of being uncomfortable, awkward. Like when a stranger is crying in front of you and you don’t know whether or not to help them.
“Sorry, it’s nothing. Is there anything you need? Food?” Law already knew the answer to that. Just as he thought, Luffy perked up at the question.
“I’m starving!” He bemoaned loudly. Law would have found it cute, part of him did, but he was too busy holding down unwanted tears to really pay attention to that thought.
“I’ll go find you something. Do not leave the bed,” he warned out of habit, knowing Luffy all too well, before making his way out the room at godspeed.
As he ran down the hallway, too stuck in his own head to even know where he was going, he ended up running into the last person he would want to see. Well, the last two people he’d want to see.
“Hey captain, what’s the rush?” Shachi asked, holding out an arm to stop Law in his stride. He looked up at them, barely even seeing their faces. Everything was a blur. His mind failed to register what had been said to him, so he simply looked at them both confused.
“is everything alright?” Penguin’s hands came up to land on his shoulders, grounding him enough to realize that he was still, in fact, in public, having a panic attack. No, god, not now. Get it together. Get. It. Together.
He opened his mouth to speak, but found himself unable to. That seemed to really get them to understand, and they quickly pulled him aside. Walking a couple more steps down the hall, he was dragged into an empty room.
“What’s going on?” Penguin asked, worry so clear even in his hazy mind. Law shook his head, wanted to say ‘it’s nothing’ but words failed him.
“I texted Bepo,” said Shachi, quickly joining Penguin in trying to get him to speak. He didn’t even realize he was crying before a teardrop slid down his cheek and made his chin itch.
Quickly bringing up a hand, he tried to wipe away any of the evidence, even though they were right there, looking at him the entire time.
Before he knew it, the door was slammed open and arms quickly wrapped around him. Big, warm and familiar arms. His face squished into a broad chest, a scent he knew all too well filled his head. This was nice, he thought as he hugged the other back tightly.
It wasn’t before a few moments later that he was pulled away gently, dark brown eyes meeting his own.
“What happened?” Bepo asked, having successfully calmed Law down enough for him to speak.
“Luffy’s awake,” he said, voice strained and wet. His throat felt like a knot, tight and uncomfortable, making it harder to breath. He hated this, every little thing about it. Bepo’s eyes widened at first, but slid into confusion. At the edge of his vision, he could make out the exact same change of emotion on Shachi and Penguin’s face.
“Then why are you crying?” He asked, which was valid. Law should probably have elaborated in his first reply. But saying the next part was hard, and he had to gape in search of the right words that he couldn’t seem to find.
“He doesn’t remember me,” he squeezed out, voice cracking despite his attempt at calming down. How could he calm down? Honestly, this had to be a nightmare. Another sick and twisted one. Had he believed in god, he would have begged and prayed for it to be just that.
The room became quiet for a while, and Law could only guess that they were trying to figure out if this was some kind of joke. But Law didn’t joke and he certainly didn’t break down in front of all his closest friends for something like a prank. They seemed to realize that as Law was brought into another tight hug, the other two joining in this time.
“That’s fucked up,” came Shachi’s attempt at sympathy. After all, none of them were really used to Law showing emotions beyond annoyance and mock anger. They’d helped him with panic attacks a couple times, but it was usually only Bepo he allowed himself to be vulnerable in front of. Well, Bepo and Luffy, that is.
A long while passed, Law wasn’t sure if it was minutes or hours, but it felt like forever. He was trying to breath through both his feelings and then also the tightness of the hug he’d been forced into.
Forced and forced, he didn’t dislike it, so to speak, but he certainly wouldn’t admit that.
“What are you gonna do now? I really don’t think you should go back to work,” Bepo said, hand still holding his head close, lightly stroking his hair.
“I was going to bring Luffy food, but I’m not sure I’ll be able to go back in there,” he mumbled, finally being rid of the adrenaline, he found himself more exhausted than after a twenty four hour shift. Yes, he’d done those before. And yes, he was not proud of it.
“We’ll do that, you should head home,” Penguin finally spoke, letting go of Law, sensing the moment was over now. Bepo held him for a second longer, before stepping back as well. The thought of going home seemed even worse than before Luffy woke up. He couldn’t trust himself not to do anything stupid if left alone. Bepo seemed to read that thought right off his face, squeezing his shoulder gentle to get his attention.
“You should call dad,” he suggested, and yeah, that was actually a good idea. He nodded, earning a worry filled smiled in return. Shachi and Penguin left the room, which he was grateful for. He really didn’t want an audience talking to his dad. Explaining just that, Bepo left the room as well, but not before giving him another quick squeeze.
Law took a deep breath and sank onto the floor, pulling his phone out. He stared at the blacked out screen for a moment, trying to swallow down the knot in his throat. He wouldn’t cry, he wouldn’t. Not in front of Cora.
He turned on his phone and was instantly met with Luffy’s smiling face. His stomach fell in an instant, and he let out a startled laugh that was borderline hysterical. Okay, keep it together. Breathe.
He quickly unlocked his phone and went to his contacts at record time, before he would see his home screen background. Corazon’s number was at the top of his contacts list. Reading out ‘dad’. He still remember how happy he’d been when he saw that Law had him under that name.
Before he had a chance to overthink, he clicked the call button. It rang for a couple seconds, every single one making Law’s stomach tighten. The line connected and Law was met with the sound of a yelp and a crash. He could already guess what had happened.
“Are you okay?” Is what he’d wanted to say, but Corazon had beat him to it.
“What? I can’t call you without there being something wrong?” Words spoken as a joke, but they came out sounding almost strangled, giving him the answer to his question.
“Of course you can!” Cora replied, mockingly ridiculed. “But seriously, what’s up? you don’t sound too good,” his tone came back concerned and Law swallowed in reply.
“I uh… I’m not,” he said, free hand tightening in the fabric of his jeans. “Actually, I’d rather not talk about it over the phone… can I come over?”
“OF COURSE!” He sounded almost excited, as he always did when Law allowed himself to open up in front of him. “Are you still at work? Do you want me to pick you up?” He had to consider that for a moment, but the idea of driving wasn’t exactly a pleasant one. What with everything that happened four days ago.
“No, that’s alright. I think I could use the fresh air.” To be honest, he hadn’t been outside the hospital at all since Luffy was brought in. Which is kind of sad and probably not very healthy if he gave a fuck about that. Either way, the walk was only twenty minutes or so, it wasn’t the end of the world.
“Alright, stay safe, I love you!” He heard another crash followed by a string of curses, and then the line died with a soft ‘beep’.
Taking a moment to gather himself, he got up and left the room. Quickly changing out of his coat in the dressing room, before he made his way out the hospital.
The fresh air was more than welcome. It was just cold enough to kick him back to reality without actually making him freeze.
He may or may not have walked slower than necessary. Anxiety was making his stomach twist and turn with every step and he had to remind himself to actually look up before crossing the road. It’s not that he didn’t want to see his dad, it’s just that having to actually talk about… everything… was making him anxious. It would mean that this wasn’t a nightmare, and that Luffy had, in fact, forgotten about him.
The thought made his eyes sting. Seriously, what if Luffy didn’t regain his memory? Would he never see him again? Would he have to pretend they weren’t married? Should he tell Luffy and get rejected, because honestly there’s no way Luffy would be okay being with him, if he didn’t even know who he was. Would they get divorced? Would he lose Luffy forever? End up only ever catching glimpses of him in the street, not much unlike strangers. To Luffy he was a stranger, right now anyway.
Should he say that he’s just his roommate, and then come up with some excuse as to why there was only one bed in their room? Should he pretend the guest room was his? Would Luffy be able to tell it’s a lie with how it’s practically empty, safe for the single bed and dresser?
What if Luffy starts to hate him? Or dates someone else? Or- No, stop. Remember, deep breathes. Just like Luffy would always say… god, would he even be able to live without him?
In… out… in… out… breathe.
He could do this.
Just another block and he’d be at Corazon’s. Being with his dad has always helped him calm down. Not that he’d ever admit that aloud and risk Cora accidentally burning down the house in some overjoyed frenzy.
Stepping up to the door, he took in a deep, shaky breath, attempting to calm down for the Nth time today.
The door swung open before he could even raise his hand to knock, and he was quickly pulled inside, into the arms that always smelled a bit like smoke, yet home nonetheless.
“I’ve missed you so much,” Corazon all but whined out. Like they hadn’t seen each other just last week. “I’ve been worried sick as well! Bepo told me that you hadn’t even left the hospital at all for four days! You know that’s not healthy,” His tone changed to scold him instead, but really, Law had expected that to happen already.
He was pushed back by the shoulders, given a glare that had hardly any bite.
“Yeah yeah, I know. I’m sorry,” Law replied, avoiding eye contact. It was a lot more difficult for him to stay calm now that Cora was right in front of him. His hands were disgustingly sweaty, his throat tight. He just wanted to forget everything that happened today, even though he knew he could never completely rid himself of the thoughts.
“Speaking of hospital, how’s Luffy?” And there we go. The question he’d expected, known would come eventually. He just really wished that hadn’t been the trigger that broke the dam.
He really wished it would have taken more before he would break down. But no. That single question was enough to get the tears spilling.
He let out a wet sob and Corazon’s expression changed instantly.
“Wh-what’s going on? What happened? Is Luffy okay?” The pain only doubled once his name was mentioned again. Seriously, he felt so fucking stupid. He hated feelings. Would have preferred anger over this uncontrollable pain. It felt like he was being crushed a little further into the ground with every breath he heaved.
Corazon was back to hugging him, clearly panicked not knowing what to do.
“Law?” He attempted again. Embrace tight around his trembling body. But Law couldn’t speak, couldn’t even think. Which would have been nice, but not under these circumstances. All he felt was pain, pressure. Everywhere. His chest, shoulders, eyes, head and legs. He might have fallen to the ground had Corazon not been holding him so tightly.
This was just great. Abso-fucking-lutely perfect. What was it, his second, third? Panic attack in less than an hour? That could seriously not be very healthy. But what else could he do? Smile and laugh? ‘Haha guys, my husband, the love of my life, doesn’t even remember my name’ yeah, pretty fucking hilarious. Good one, God, you never fail to make the best jokes out there.
He’d gone completely mute, not even sobbing anymore. Just silent. Silence. It wasn’t much unlike spacing out, Law was quite aware he wasn’t present, but he could do nothing about it. He hadn’t had an attack quite like this since… well, since Corazon almost died two decades ago.
He felt his body move, wrist tucked on for him to follow. Feet moving on their own, until he was seated on the couch where he remained still.
He thinks Corazon might be trying to speak to him, registers a voice, but not the words. Tears might still be falling, but he couldn’t really tell for sure. Then it was just silent for a while. Law just kept staring down towards the blurry floor.
Corazon’s smell once again met his senses. Brought back in for a hug, a hand threading through his hair. Then they sat like that for a while. Law’s back was beginning to ache at the awkward position it was forced into. But it helped, eventually. He didn’t know how long they sat there, though, only that he was slowly brought back into reality. The sound of off-tune humming in his ears.
“Thanks,” he managed out eventually, hardly above a whisper.
“Are you ready to tell me what’s got you like this?” Corazon asked, but in a way that told Law he could easily say no, and not be questioned about it. “I made you tea,” he added. When that had happened, Law couldn’t tell. He don’t remember Corazon ever leaving his side.
“Thanks,” he repeated, like a broken record. He certainly felt broken.
Reaching for the steaming cup in front of him, he took the moment to really gather everything up. He’d been able to tell Bepo and CO, so why did it feel impossible now? He blew gently to cool the tea, finding the steam that blew into his face rather comforting, in a way.
Corazon kept watching him, waiting. Law ignored him for another moment, taking a sip of the tea. It wasn’t very good, but it could have been worse.
“Luffy woke up,” he said, carefully. “He’s got amnesia and he doesn’t remember me,” he added, calmly. Like it was a casual conversation and like he wasn’t screaming on the inside.
Silence was to be expected. He also probably wouldn’t know what to say if someone had said it to him. His shaking hands betrayed the calm mask he’d put on. He took another sip to distract himself.
“Alright, that’s bad,” Corazon stated, matter-of-factly. He gave a nod, fully agreeing to that statement. “Where are you currently placed in your overthinking, then?”
“Somewhere between ‘he’ll never remember me’ and ‘he’s going to leave me and I’ll never see him again’ I think,” Law said, voice coming out tight through the knot in his throat.
“Okay, and what have you done since figuring out?” Corazon asked, trying to wrap his mind around the situation to get a better grip on what Law could possibly need.
“I checked his symptoms, made sure he was feeling alright, met Shachi and Penguin on my way to get food for Luffy and started crying in front of them… then Bepo came and told me to call you. Now I’m here,” he explained, sitting back against the couch, making intense eye contact with the ceiling.
“You didn’t tell him who you are?” Corazon asked perplexed. Law shook his head.
“I don’t think I will. I’m not sure if he would reject me, but I’m actually more scared he might feel obligated to be with me. I don’t want to force him into that, especially not when I’m nothing but a stranger to him right now,” Law said, bringing up a hand to wipe a tear from his eye before it could fall.
“Yeah, that makes sense. Although I doubt Luffy would ever do something he didn’t want to,” Corazon chuckled lightly, but there was no actual amusement behind it.
“But what if that’s the case? Do I just not see him again after he gets discharged? Do I just hand his stuff over to him and wave goodbye like he was simply staying over for the night? I feel so lost, dad, I don’t know what to do with myself,” he grit out, turning to meet the eyes he’d felt staring him down for a while now.
“What are the chances of his memory coming back?” Corazon asked, looking at him with concerned eyes. He wasn’t sure if it was for Luffy or Law, perhaps both of them.
“That varies from person to person. Luffy’s brother, Sabo, got his back after a decade. Some people never do and others find themselves remembering everything overnight,” Law explained, although he actually didn’t know a lot about it. He knew what caused it, had several patients with it. Knew about the different types, but not much about the recovery of it. He was probably gonna stay up researching all night, he doubt sleep would find him today.
“Luffy has always had the devils luck. It’s possible he would get it back sooner, rather than later,” Corazon cooed, but Law knew it was just to cheer him up.
“I don’t know what to do,” he said, ignoring Corazon’s statement. He sat the cup back on the table in favor of placing his face in both hands instead.
“How about this; you tell him the truth, that you’re together and that he doesn’t have to treat you differently, but you still want him in your life,” Corazon suggested, trying to put out an idea based on what Law had told him. “Then, you wait it out. See if he gets his memory back.”
“And if he doesn’t? Or worse, if he comes to dislike me?” Law was allowed to admit he was freaking out. There was no other way to respond to this situation.
“Luffy? Disliking you? I think hell would freeze over before that would ever happen,” Corazon laughed, bringing Law into a far too tight embrace, ignoring his protests for air. “Listen. I think you should tell him. If you don’t, it’ll eat you up. I know this is hard, terrible, but you can’t just give up before even trying!”
“I need to think about it some more,” was all Law could safely reply without lying. He wouldn’t make a promise he couldn’t keep.
“I believe in you, Law. Things will work out in the end,” Corazon patted his head, before getting up, successfully face-planting the floor the moment he turned around. Law didn’t even bother helping him up, too stuck replaying their conversation and thinking.
“And Law!” Corazon groaned, getting back up from the floor. “You stay there, I’ll order from that place you really like, we’ll watch one of your terrible documentaries and you’ll stay here tonight and sleep. This is not negotiable.”
Law really did appreciate his dad in moments like these. He’s never been very good at asking for help, so Corazon just knowing what he needs makes him feel somewhat safe.