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Jaskier wasn’t a man who got scared easily.
He wasn’t scared of spiders or insects, he braved any heights and neither dogs or needles worried him in the slightest.
In his childhood he stood up against evil kings and pirates, he fought dragons and monsters. His most important act though and the one he was proudest of was that he stood up to the bullies on the playground who pushed Yennefer into the dirt. He attacked them with his wooden sword and threw mischievous glances at Yennefer when they were brought in front of the principal.
In his teenage years he wasn’t scared to do all the dumb teenager shit one could possibly come up with. He snorted any powdered substances he and his friends could get their fingers on, he climbed up the side of their school, and one time he broke into the principal's office to prove that Stregobor was embezzling money from the arts program.
At university he probably did more than one inadvisable drunken dare. Stealing the trophies off of Valdo and bringing them back with new embellishments, flirting with Professor deVries and somehow not getting his head bitten off, and jumping naked into the fountain, just to name a few. In his second year he channeled all that energy into helping an activist group, with whom he got into trouble with the police on the regular. But he just couldn’t let injustice stand. He would brave any repercussions thrown his way to help others in need.
Still, his greatest success had been when he had dared to approach the scary looking grad student when he had been nothing but a wee little freshman. Geralt, who featured in every freshman's wet dreams, with his bleached hair and an undercut, and always wearing a leather jacket, no matter if it was summer or winter, truly was a sight to behold. His emotional support cat Roach only helped his popularity. She sat on his shoulder when he walked over campus and Jaskier had immediately fallen in love when he had seen them for the first time. He had tried to shoot his shot the very first opportunity he got, but Geralt liked to hide in his lab, so that wasn’t an easy task. When Jaskier finally managed to approach him, Geralt had blushed horribly, but he said yes. It might have been because Roach had come to Jaskier for pets. He wouldn’t question Geralt’s decision making.
He admits he had been nervous when he had asked Geralt to marry him, but the smile and kiss he was rewarded with made all the worries disappear. Together with Geralt he became the proud father of a little girl and braved all the weirdnesses of fatherhood. He had delt with temper tantrums in the shopping isle and subjecting his hair to the biggest torture known to mankind: the suprisingly strong hands of a six year old girl. Ciri had no regard for customer comfort when she played hairdresser.
When Ciri had first come to them, she had been a shy girl, easily scared at night. The first few weeks she had slept every night in their bed, but under their care Ciri had grown into a strong and confident twelve year old, unafraid of anything, just like Jaskier had been. So it was rather surprising to be woken up by her at 2 am.
“Dad? There is a spider in my room.”
“What?” Jaskier opened one bleary eye. She hadn’t really woken him up for a stupid spider of all things?
“There’s a spider in my room and it is really big.”
Jaskier groaned into his pillow. He didn’t deserve this treatment. “Fuck, fine. I’m coming.”
When he managed to push himself up he saw Ciri looking at him with big round eyes. She didn’t look very scared like he expected her to, more like she was about to be a little shit.
“Swear jar, dad, we don’t use those words.”
Jaskier’s jaw fell down. “You little menace,” he hissed, “if you wake me up at ass crack in the night –”
Behind him Geralt groaned, an arm patting the empty space beside him.
Ciri giggled. "Quick, before the kraken gets you."
Jaskier huffed a laugh and pressed a kiss to Geralt's temple, while expertly dodging the wandering arm.
Outside of the bedroom, Ciri grabbed Jaskier's hand. "I'm sorry for waking you."
"It's alright princess, I will always come to help you."
"I would have woken up dad, but you know how deeply he sleeps."
Jaskier scoffed. He knew exactly how "deep" his husband's sleep was. Geralt had been pretending to be a heavy sleeper ever since they first had gotten together. But he wouldn't destroy Geralt's ruse now.
When they reached Ciri's room, she stopped. Jaskier raised a questioning eyebrow at her.
"I'm not going back in while that spider is still in there. I'll block the exit, make sure it doesn't escape."
Jaskier snorted and patted Citi on the head. "Sure, you do that and I go dispose of that monster."
The lights were turned off in Ciri's room, so he flicked the head light on. He couldn't see a spider though. He looked into every corner, but no spider was to be found.
"Ciri, are you sure you saw a spider? I can't find –"
His breath caught in his throat as he finally spotted it.
—
Geralt was a light sleeper, but he hated talking when being sleepy. Therefore, ever since his childhood, he either only grunted his responses or just pretended to be asleep. It just felt more comfortable.
Tonight he had woken first from Ciri's light footsteps when she had gone to the kitchen. The grumbling helped with shooing Jaskier out of the room. He had been insanely pleased with the kiss he got. Jaskier should hurry up more, he wanted his husband back in his arms.
There were low murmurs in the hall, then silence. Suddenly he heard Jaskier rushing back.
"Geralt, Geralt darling, wake up," Jaskier said, his voice strained and slightly higher than usual. The bed dipped where he climbed on.
Geralt sighed. "Is it big?"
"Monstrous."
Geralt lifted his head from where he had buried it in Jaskier's pillow.
"Really, I've never seen one as huge as this one."
"Fine, I've got this."
He heaved himself out of bed and dragged his feet over to Ciri's room. He was sure that he looked like death warmed over, he just didn't do well without sleep.
Ciri stood beside the door, peeking into the room.
"It moved again. It's in the corner now."
Jaskier came running up behind him and pressed one of their biggest bowl into his hands.
"You're gonna need it."
Geralt just rolled his eyes at the theatrics of his family. He went into the room and froze.
In the corner to his right sat the biggest spider he had ever seen. It was hairy and so big he could see it's eyes and fangs. The bowl had not been an exaggeration. It might even be a bit small. He turned around to look at Jaskier and Ciri. They looked at him with big hopeful eyes and he knew he had to do this.
Slowly he crept forward. And then all hell broke loose.
The spider started moving towards him. Ciri screamed, Jaskier screamed, Geralt definitely didn't scream. In panic he threw the bowl on top of the spider as soon as it reached the ground. It hit the ground with a loud clang as it covered the entire spider. Jaskier rushed past him and slammed a heavy book on top of the bowl.
Heavy breathing, then silence.
They listened to the faint sounds of legs scratching against the bowl.
"What do we do now?"
"Call the exterminator in the morning."
"Can I sleep with you guys?"
"Yes...yes, of course princess."