Chapter Text
Sirius had been having a good day, a good week even. It hadn’t rained, for starters. Meaning when Remus’ and his schedule lined up they could sit on the back porch of the little cottage they shared and have dinner. He hadn’t been given a mission in ages, which meant he’d actually been able to sleep, always a plus. Remus was doing alright as well. Considering the full moon was fast approaching, Sirius would say he was doing very well. It had been too good to be true, he realised in hindsight. Calm before the storm and all that. He should’ve known it wouldn’t last as soon as he saw the first rain clouds in the sky that morning, but he wanted to see sunshine, and that’s what he saw.
“It’ll probably rain,” Remus said, pouring another cup of tea and flipping to the next page of the Daily Prophet. The table he sat at was right in front of a big window that looked right out into the front yard and had a perfect view of the grey sky.
“No way,” Sirius said, coming up behind him and putting a plate of eggs and toast in front of Remus, then going around the other side of the table and sitting down with his own plate, “What are you talking about? It’s been sunny all week.”
Remus gave him a look over the top of the Prophet, “Weather has been known to change occasionally.”
“Bugger off,” Sirius said, rolling his eyes and pouring his own tea, “It’s just clouded, it’ll clear up by lunch.”
Remus shrugged, “I hope so, got word last night there’s supposed to be a raid.”
“Last night?” Sirius asked, pausing halfway through a bite of eggs, Remus nodded, and Sirius set his fork back on his plate, “And you didn’t tell me?”
Remus paused, “You were asleep.”
“You didn’t wake me up?” Sirius said, crossing his arms over his chest.
“No, I didn’t wake you up to tell you about a raid that wasn’t happening till today,” Remus said, setting the Prophet down on the table next to his plate,
“Well, next time, please do,” Sirius said.
“It’s not like knowing last night would’ve done you any good,” Remus said.
“That’s not the point.” Sirius said, “I don’t like… I don’t want to be…”
His sentences sputtered to nothing. He wasn’t even sure he knew where he was going with it.
“You don’t want to be what?” Remus said, his face softened just a little, and he reached his hand over across the table. Damn him for knowing what he was saying before he even knew it.
“How do we know about this raid, anyway?” Sirius said, grabbing his fork and taking another bite.
Remus didn’t answer right away, taking a second to just stare at him. Sirius couldn’t read his expression.
“I don’t know,” Remus said, grabbing a knife and butter and buttering his toast.
“You don’t know?” Sirius said, “Does the Order know?”
Remus shrugged, “I don’t—”
“How do we know this isn’t a trap?” Sirius said.
“We don’t, I suppose.” Remus said, “All the intel that’s come from this source has been good so far, at least that’s what Dumbledore said.”
“You heard from Dumbledore?”
“Yeah, last night.”
“And you didn’t tell me?”
“I just did!” Remus said, “Waking you up was unnecessary and—”
“If the leader of the Order sends us a message, I’d like to hear it next time.” Sirius said.
“Christ, what is wrong with you this morning?” Remus said, “Nothing has been done about the raid in the past eight hours. You have missed nothing.”
“Just tell me next time.”
“Fine, I’ll wake you up every time an Order member goes to the loo from now on,” Remus said,
“Stop acting like I’m being irrational.”
“Stop being irrational.”
“Wanting to be up to date about raids is not irrational,” Sirius said.
“I literally told you first thing in the morning.” Remus said.
“No you didn’t,” Sirius said, “You woke up and took a shower, and read the paper first.”
“Did you want me to roll over in bed and say ‘Good morning, sweetheart, by the way there’s a Death Eater raid tonight, would you like some tea?’ Is that it Sirius?”
“Maybe!” Sirius said, “Better than being left in the dark.”
“You aren’t being left in the dark,” Remus said, “You were sleeping. I didn’t want to bother you.”
“Well, you have,” Sirius said, “I’m bothered.”
“You’re impossible,” Remus said, “That’s what you are.”
“I’m not being impossible,” Sirius said, “From now on, give me any updates you get as soon as you get them.”
“Fine.” Remus said, “Whatever.”
He snatched the paper off the table again and was quiet. Sirius stabbed his eggs brutally, his tea had gone cold.
He ignored the clouds though, no matter how clear it ought to have been that they were moments away from a downpour, if you’d asked him right then, he would’ve assured you they’d clear up any second.
Remus got up from the table first, after refolding the Prophet and leaving it on the table, he took his dishes to the sink and cleaned them with a quick charm. He stood there a moment, in front of the sink. Sirius pretended not to notice.
He didn’t look up when Remus came back to the table, not till he pulled his chin up and gave him a quick kiss, “I love you.”
Sirius blinked, “I love you too.”
Remus left the room without another word, Sirius’ head was swimming.
It'd been years since he talked to his family, even longer since he’d gotten in a real fight with any of them.
By the end, any fights they had were for show, half-hearted at best. They went through the motions of a screaming match because at that point it was the only way they knew how to talk to each other.
He was used to silence. Passive-aggressive comments. Glares.
Sometimes, his mum would even order Kreacher not to feed him till he apologised. That was the worst because usually it wasn’t even Sirius’ fault and his pride was bigger than his stomach.
He’d go days without eating out of spite, and that was when he hadn’t even done anything wrong.
This time was different, he’d been a bitch. He got too angry over something that wasn’t Remus’ fault.
So no one ever sent a message directly to him? It didn’t matter.
Yes, he’d been left out of meetings before, but it wasn’t Remus who decided he couldn’t be trusted to attend.
And yet he’d still taken it out on him. His perfect, wonderful boyfriend, who’d done nothing wrong, except let him get a full night’s sleep.
And Remus had still given him a kiss, and told him he loved him.
Merlin, Sirius was an arsehole.
He got up from the table a while late, long after his breakfast was gone, and his cold tea was sipped. He didn’t bother with the Prophet, the paper was a load of shit anyway.
He walked out of the kitchen slowly, “Moony?”
He could hear Remus in the bedroom, paper being shuffled, books being dropped.
“Moons?” Sirius said.
“Huh? Yeah?” Remus said, sitting in front of the bookshelf that covered the entire back wall of their bedroom. He was surrounded by stacks of books, and papers.
“Looking for something?” Sirius said.
“Oh— Yes.” Remus said, “I’ve got to leave in a minute, I’m looking for… here! Here it is, I’ve got it.”
He pulled a big book from the bottom shelf, and before Sirius could look at it, he tucked it into his bag, “I’m off then.”
“You’re leaving?”
Remus looked up from the shelf, “Uh, yeah.”
“Where?” Sirius said, trying to keep his voice even. He wasn’t mad at Remus. He wasn’t.
“Just a meeting with Moody,” Remus said, tucking the books back onto the shelf, before standing up, “Maybe a few other Order members.”
“Are James and Peter going?” Sirius said.
“I don’t know,” Remus said, “Maybe, I’m not sure.”
“Am I?” Sirius started, trailing off at the end, letting Remus finish.
“Moody said you should stay back, he doesn’t want to have the whole Order in the same place at once.”
“Right.” Sirius said, turning on his heel, he’s down the hall, ignoring Remus calling after him.
The liquor was right where he left it, and he transfigured his teacup from breakfast into a shot glass without even thinking about it, and Remus found him in the kitchen as he was pouring himself a shot.
“It’s nine in the morning, Sirius.” Remus said, “Are you really going to—”
“Yes.” Sirius said, throwing the shot back, he barely felt the burn. Without looking up at Remus he started to pour another.
“Sirius— stop it.” Remus said, grabbing the firewhiskey bottle from his hand, “Is this what you’re going to do all day?”
“I don’t have anything else to do.” Sirius said, not even trying to get the bottle back. He just stared at Remus.
“You’ll be drunk for the raid,” Remus said, “When Moody calls us—”
“Moody won’t call us, Remus.” Sirius snapped, “He’ll call you.”
“What?” Remus said, his hand slipped from the bottle and Sirius continued pouring his shot,
“I said,'' Sirius threw back the shot, this one burned more, “When Moody sends you a message tonight, he’ll say I’m not needed. Or he’ll assign me to guard something pointless. Maybe if I’m really lucky, I’ll get to stay at the safe house for the debrief afterwards, but probably not.”
“What are you talking about?” Remus said.
“I’m talking about what’s been happening.” Sirius said, “I’m talking about the fact I haven’t been given a mission that wasn’t babysitting or research for months. That’s what I’m talking about.”
“Sirius—”
“I’m trying not to be mad at you, Remus, I really am,” Sirius said, “But if you tell me I’m imagining things, or being crazy, I’m going to leave.”
Remus is silent for a second, “I don’t think you’re crazy.”
“Good.” Sirius said, “I’m not. I been noticing this stuff for weeks now and—”
“You’re overreacting a little though.” Remus said, cutting off Sirius’ rant.
Sirius nodded, more to himself than to Remus. He poured another shot.
“Sirius—”
“Go to your mission.” Sirius said, taking the shot and setting the glass down next to the bottle, “Go on.”
“You have to understand—”
“Understand what?” Sirius snapped, “I don’t know what I’ve done wrong here! I don’t know what happened, ok? One minute I’m a member of the Order, next thing I know I’m not even told when the meetings are!”
“It’s not personal,” Remus said.
“It feels very fucking personal.” Sirius said, slamming a hand on the table and knocking the glass to the ground. They both go to save it but it smashes to the ground.
“Fuck. Reparo.” Sirius muttered, the glass mended instantly and he snatched it from the ground and poured another shot.
“Sirius, stop it.” Remus said. Sirius didn’t. He stepped closer and grabbed the neck of the bottle.
“Stop.” Remus said again, he slowly guided Sirius’ hand to put the bottle down.
“I’m not crazy.” Sirius said, “I’m not overreacting.”
“You don’t have all the information.”
“Well, I imagine that’s because you’ve been having meetings without me.”
“There’s a spy in the Order.” Remus said, and Sirius is glad he put down the bottle.
“There— There’s a what?” Sirius said.
“A spy. In the Order.”
“And you think it’s me?” Sirius said, stepping back from the table.
“I don’t think it’s you. I know it’s not you. James and Peter too, they don’t suspect you… it’s Moody.” Remus said, “He’s been… insistent, you be left in the dark about some things.”
“Merlin, I’m so fucking stupid.” Sirius said, “I thought— I really thought I’d get away from them… that I’d be alright.”
“Padfoot, you are alright,” Remus said.
“No I’m not.” Sirius said, pressing a hand to his mouth, what was threatening to spill out was somewhere between a laugh and a sob, “I’ll never escape them, no matter what I do.”
“What?”
“My family. I’ll never be free of them. Never.” Sirius said, “You have to know that’s what it is, Remus. You have to know why he suspects me and me alone.”
“I don’t think—”
“I am nothing but a Black to him. Probably everyone else too.” Sirius said, “They’ll get along with me fine, but when something goes wrong I’m the first one to blame.”
“Come on Sirius,” Remus started, “Don’t—”
“Can you just go?” Sirius said.
“Will you be here when I get back?” Remus asked.
Sirius looked him in the eye for a split second but had to turn away. The clouds outside hadn’t moved an inch.
“I don’t know.”
Remus left. Sirius poured himself another shot, stared at it a moment and then poured it back in the bottle.
+++
Remus wasn’t in the mood for small talk. He wasn’t in the mood for an impromptu Order meeting either, but getting fucked over was nothing new.
He’d had a plan.
Wake up. Spend the morning with Sirius. Go for a walk if the weather holds. Have an early night, sleep well.
It started pouring rain as soon as Remus got inside the safe house, so it looked like his plan had been doomed from the start.
“You’re late, Lupin.” Moody said as soon as he walked in, Remus gave him a strained smile, “Slept in.”
“You knew about this meeting since last night—”
“I slept in, Moody,” Remus said, “That’s all.”
“Black didn’t try to keep you?”
Remus’ fists tightened around the straps of his bag, all he could think about was how Sirius’ face dropped the moment he realised he was suspected of spying.
“No.” Remus said, “Where are the others?”
“Downstairs already,” Moody said with a gesture to the door, “Getting ready.”
“Getting ready?” Remus said.
“Uh huh,” Moody said, “I told you that you were late.”
“The raid isn’t until tonight,” Remus said, “Why would—”
“Plans change.” Moody said, suddenly starting towards the door, “You should get down there.”
“You told me the wrong time.” Remus said after a second.
“You told Black?” Moody asked.
“Of course I told him.” Remus said.
“Well then, if the Death Eaters think we’re coming tonight, it’d be mighty helpful, wouldn’t it?” Moody said,
“You set a trap?” Remus said, “You’re feeding Sirius bad information?”
“Of course I am.” Moody snapped, “If your boy’s innocent, no harm done, if not, we’ve got an advantage.”
Remus rolled his eyes, “Small problem. He’s figured it out.”
“He’s what?” Moody said.
“He’s figured it out. He knows what you’ve been doing.” Remus said, “He knows you think he’s a spy.”
“You told him, didn’t you?” Moody said.
“He figured it out, Moody,” Remus said, “You haven’t exactly been subtle.”
“Now’s not the time for subtly.” Moody said, “Lives are at stack, I’m not losing sleep because of Sirius Black’s hurt feelings.”
I might, Remus thinks to himself.
“Well, he’s not feeding the Death Eaters information, so the only thing you’ve managed to do was fuck up my relationship,” Remus said, “Thanks for that.”
“You’re very welcome.” Moody said, and he swung the door to the basement open again, “Now go get ready.”
James and Peter were waiting for him down there, doing their best to stare at the ground.
“You heard everything?” Remus said, walking past them and grabbing an oversized robe,
“Not everything—” James started.
At the same time Peter nodded, “Yeah.”
They both looked at eachother then back at Remus.
“It’s fine.” Remus said, “Doesn’t matter.”
“You and Sirius are alright, right?” James said.
“I don’t know.” Remus said, “He was really hurt when he found out we suspected him.”
“We don’t suspect him,” James said, “Only Moody does!”
“I told him that,” Remus said, “It didn’t matter, he… he thinks it’s because he’s a Black.”
James is silent at that, and Remus slipped the robe on quickly, tucking his wand into a deep pocket on the side.
“I mean it is, isn’t it?” Peter asked, “Because he’s a Black?”
“What? That’s—” James started.
“Probably, yeah.” Remus said.
“But he’s not!” James said, “He’s disowned. He’s more a Potter than a Black at this point.”
“It’s still his last name, Prongs,” Remus said, “And they’re the ones who raised him for most of his life.”
“Plus everyone knows they do blood magic and stuff,” Peter said, “Unnatural shit.”
“What has that got to do with anything, Wormtail?” Remus said.
“Nothing!” Peter said, “I’m just saying, the Black’s do dark magic, Sirius is a Black, he probably knows some dark magic.”
“Sirius couldn’t even brew a draught of living death without gagging, Pete,” James said, “And we’ve already established he’s not a Black.”
“I’m not saying I like it,” Peter said, “But if it isn’t Sirius, who else could be the spy?”
James and Remus are silent at that. Who else could it be?
Remus didn’t think it was Sirius. He didn’t.
But he didn’t have any other ideas either, which made him hard to defend.
The evidence against him was unfair, all of it was based on who he was, not who he is. He hadn’t done anything wrong, except be born into a shitty family.
His mind raced. He couldn’t think of a single person. Not one.
“It’s not Sirius.” James said, but he didn’t offer up any alternatives either.
They didn’t talk much after that.
Disguising themselves as dark wizards was not a fun task, but it took Remus’ mind off of Sirius.
He’d never been good at glamours, so it took a few tries till the spell settled on his face the right way, without feeling like it might fall off if he moved his face too much to one side.
Peter and James were ready before him, and they went back upstairs quietly, Remus took a few deep breaths, and went up after them.
The raid was a trainwreck. The Death Eater’s knew about it in advance, that much was clear.
James, Remus, and Peter entered the streets of Knockturn Alley from different sides, not looking at each other, just walking leisurely down the streets. Aurors were stationed in the alleyways, ready to jump as soon as he appeared.
They didn’t have to wait long.
Rabastian Lestrange came out of a particularly nasty store Remus had never had the displeasure of visiting called Gill Teamen’s Apothecary.
If Sirius was the spy, they would’ve been caught by surprise, Remus couldn’t help but think.
It went to shit not long after that. Auror jumped where they hid, buildings around them were in flames in seconds.
The plan had been simple. Find out which shops in Knockturn Alley were still cooperating with the Death Eaters, and shut them down. It wasn’t even a particularly big raid.
Someone had snitched. Someone told them they were coming and instead of facing a couple of Death Eater’s they were facing dozens.
Sirius thought the raid was tonight. That’s what he would’ve told them.
It wasn’t much of a comfort to Remus as he hid behind a column to avoid being cursed, but it didn’t hurt.
A particularly nasty hex hit the column and Remus realised this thing wouldn’t hold much longer. He didn’t know where the others had gone. Last he’d seen James and Moody near the other end of the street duelling with the Carrows, but he hadn’t seen Peter since the fighting broke out.
He tried not to think too hard about that, where Peter might’ve gone, he’d never been a strong duelist, and if they took him by surprise… no. He was fine. Remus needed to get the fuck out of there, he’d track Peter down later.
There was an abandoned shop just to the side of Remus that he wouldn’t even think of entering on a normal day.
It looked like a swift gust of wind might knock it down at any moment, but it was better cover than the column that kept making cracking noises whenever it got hit with a curse.
He took off towards the shop before he could think better of it, and whoever had been attacking didn’t follow.
He took a deep breath.
Merlin knows how long they’d been fighting at this point, but his joints are aching, and his head is pounding and all he wants to do is get back in bed and cuddle up next to Sirius.
He’s pulled from his daydream by a strangled groan.
Someone’s in the building.
Someone hurt.
He pulls his wand out and walks through the rooms. Each one is filthier than the last, covered in dirt, soot, and garbage. As he gets further inside the groans are loud.
Finally, when he thinks the building cannot go on any further he reaches the back room, and finds the source of the noise,
On the ground covered in disgusting torn robs lies a man. He’s mostly still now, and quieter.
Remus gingerly taps him with his foot, the man is still silent.
He rolls him over, with his wand still aimed at the man, and it doesn’t drop till he’s on his back and Remus can see his face.
Sirius. It’s Sirius.
How?
Why?
What the fuck happened?
There was blood dripping down his face from his nose and mouth, even some from gashes across his hairline.
Brown and blue bruises mottled his neck on either side and Remus noticed, alarming there seemed to be no movement on his chest. He was barely breathing.
In a split second, Remus grabbed his arm and apparated.
In hindsight going back to the safe house was a stupid idea.
He appeared right in the centre of the living room, with Sirius still on the ground.
Moody, Peter, and James jumped when they showed up, staring at them wide-eyed.
He imagined they made quite a sight. Remus probably didn’t look great after spending so long duelling, while Sirius was hardly moving.
“Remus?” James said.
“You have to help him.” Remus said, looking down at Sirius.
“Who is—”
“It’s Sirius!” Peter cried, jumping back, “He was there?”
“He was there?” Moody said, pulling out his wand, “I told you—”
“He’s hurt!” Remus snapped, “I think— I think they took him… kidnapped him!”
“Oh bollocks!” Moody said, “I told you he was a rat!”
“He didn’t even know the right time!” Remus said, “You gave him bad info, he couldn’t have known!”
“Why was he there then?” Moody said.
“Guys—” James said tentatively.
“I don’t know!” Remus said, “I do know that if you hadn’t been such a raging arsehole, I might’ve been able to help him!”
“Guys, this isn’t—” James said again.
“He’s a Black!” Moody snapped, “I’ve investigated over half his family, I know how they work!”
“You don’t know anything about him!” Remus said.
“That isn’t Sirius!” James said.
Remus and Moody were silent.
“What?”
“That’s not Sirius.” James said, “That is Regulus.”
Remus looked back down at the man. He looked so much like Sirius.
His hair was shorter, Remus noticed. And curly. Sirius’ hair was straight. He didn’t have as many freckles. He didn’t have any stubble.
“Oh shit.”
“Great job, Lupin,” Moody said, “You brought a Death Eater to the safe house.”
“We still… we still have to help him.” Remus said.
“Do we?” Peter asked, “I mean… he is—”
“He’s Sirius’ brother.” James said, “Of course we do.”
“He’s a Death Eater.” Moody said.
“He’s a kid,” Remus snapped, “He’s only seventeen.”
“I mean… he’s done stuff,” Peter said, “We can’t—”
“We’re not doing anything to him,” James said, “We need… fuck we’ve got to call Sirius.”
Remus’ stomach dropped at the mention of Sirius. This was going to wreck him. This was going to kill them.
“Right, let’s get the suspected Death Eater and the certified Death Eater together,” Moody said, “I’ll call You-Know-Who and we can have a full-on meeting.”
“This proved Sirius was innocent,” Remus said, “They knew we were coming… Sirius thought the raid was tonight.”
“The only thing this proves is Black is a little smarter than I gave him credit for,” Moody said, “He probably figured it out when you left.”
“You don’t have any actual proof, Moody!” Remus said, “You just hate him!”
“I hate dark wizards!” Moody said, “So yes!”
“You’re fucking insufferable,” Remus said, “I’m calling Sirius, he deserves to know.”
“Well then, I hope he won’t mind answering some questions,” Moody said.
Remus considered that. Sirius probably would mind. But his brother. He’d want to know if his brother was in danger.
“Fine.” Remus said, “But you have to be fair about it.”
“I’m always fair, Lupin.” Moody said with a smile that made Remus want to look away.
“You go get him,” James said, “We’ll stay.”
Remus nodded, and with one last look to the still body on the floor, he apparated away.
He didn’t appear right inside the house in case Sirius was sleeping. Instead, he appeared just outside the front door, where unfortunately there was no cover from the rain.
And it is raining now. A downpour.
He let himself inside and found Sirius on the couch flipping through one of his books.
“Remus?” Sirius said, “Is that—”
“You’ve got to come with me.”
“What?”
“It’s important, come on.” Remus said.
“What’s wrong?” Sirius said, “I thought the raid wasn’t till—”
“Sirius.” Remus said, “Please just trust me.”
Sirius paused, his eyes were wide and his face had paled. Remus held out a hand for him to take. For a second he thought Sirius was going to insist he explain, but after a moment he took it.
“I trust you.”