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How I fricked your mom (By Rindo Kanade)

Summary:

Rindo has always lived alone in a tragedy, the heads of even those who claimed to care about him turning away when he needed them most. Sad.

(An Autogenerated fanfic with some minor edits to keep some semblance of a plot that makes sense)

Notes:

Shout out to whatever website it was I used to auto generate this. I can't remember the name and I refuse to go out of my way to search it back up.

Anyways, this gets 10x funnier then it already is if you imagine Rindo being the one narrating, so I highly suggest you do that lmao

Work Text:

Rindo remembers the abuse he suffered as a child. His parents never loved him, Rindo knew. Always telling him off for anything he did. And that would continue until one day, Rindo's parents were killed in a car accident. He was then forced to live with his aunt and uncle.

They forced him to live in the basement and every night he would cry himself to sleep as no one in the world loved him. Rindo was also forced to do all the work around the house. But still, it was not enough to deserve his uncle and aunt's love. And soon, they sent him to an orphanage.

He didn't think his life could get any worse but there he learnt that life still had more horror in store for him. The orphanage turned out to be a front for a secret criminal organisation! They put all the children to work in their factories and mines and thus Rindo was sent to work. Despite the horror of the orphanage, he was finally in a place where others were treated just as badly as he was. "Hopefully, I could finally make some friends..." he thought. 

But that too turned to a mere fantasy as the kids soon saw that Rindo was not like them. He was special... and they all hated him for it. And so every night, when the kids would return from the factories and mines, they would force him to do more work. To do their beds, clean the showers and even the toilets. And whenever something would go wrong, the kids said to the guards: "Rindo did it!" and that led the guards to hate him as well, so much so that they would hurt him. 

And so Rindo thought that no one in the world would love him. Until one day, an organisation of superheroes attacked the criminals and freed all the kids. And they also freed Rindo!

And they said: "Don't worry, kid, we'll take care of you. We'll train you and you'll become part of our family!"

Or will he?

Rindo stopped and gazed into space.

Oh no.

It was happening; he couldn't help thinking about Fret again. He tried not to. 

Desperate to avoid the thoughts that could not be, no, would not be held back. But like dozens of unstoppable generals they came creeping forward until the filled his brain;

Fret's smile shined like diamonds, as impressive as a truck, it filled the apartment and Rindo was helplessly but willingly absorbed into it. 

Fret's eyes were like eyeballs. If you rolled them, they would go quite far.

Fret's legs were like a skyscraper, straight and tight.

Fret's chest was like a mammals, powerful and impossible to ignore.

How could Rindo not be helpless in the face of that? He wanted to hug Fret so much, and maybe, just maybe... kiss him on the cheek one day...

Rindo snapped out of it. But his thoughts of Fret would be back. Would he be able to resist next time?

---

Rindo was then taken in by a super secret organisation, called TEDTALKS. For a while, it looked like Rindo was just at home. Rindo got to train with all the superheroes and he was trained in all sorts of things ranging from business studies to using the Flintlock revolver.

The other recruits didn't want to socialise with Rindo, including Fret. They all hated him for how quickly he mastered the tazer and how well trained he was compared to the others. What Rindo neglected to tell them was that the only reason why he was so good was because of his horrible childhood.

One day, Rindo was called forward. He had just succesfully accomplished the most difficult part of his training. So good, Rindo had beaten the previous high score! He knew that now he had beaten the previous high score, he was sure to get a place on the greatest team the world has ever seen. So Rindo went to him; the commander-in-chief.

But when he got there, he realised he wasn't alone. There were also others. "What's going on?" He said.

"Don't worry," The captain said, "It's all going to be alright."

But RIndo knew this had to be a trap! That much he had learnt from his horrible childhood. 

Quickly, Rindo kicked the table into the Captain's chest. Shoka tried to stop him but Rindo was too quick and took a gun from the wall (there were like loads of guns and other weapons displayed on the wall).

"I won't let you do this to me," Rindo said gravely, "I will be free!"

The others didn't want to risk being shot. And so, Rindo took the file from the from the desk that had is name on it before running away. Away from TEDTALKS, Away from the other recruits and away from Fret...

Rindo was right not to trust them! For when he looked in the file, it turned out they were planning on selling Rindo out to Josh's Gucci Flip Flops! 

But what was Rindo to do now? All alone in this world, who could he trust now?

As he tried to think of a solution though, a certain someone appeared beside him. Rindo gazed at Fret. It was impossible to resist this time. Like a ferrari Rindo was pulled towards Fret. It was like scorched earth in a war. It was like a tommy gun piercing through his heart. It was like magnets. There was no resisting. No mercy. For that brief moment, nothing else mattered. 

Fret looked shocked and then... and then... not shocked. He had known all along. Of course... how could Rindo have been so stupid? Those long looks at each other, the times they gazed at the stars side by side... it wasn't just friendship. It never was. It was more and Fret had known all along. "I knew" Fret said. "Oh." Rindo said, realising all this for the first time. But there was more... Fret wasn't pulling away. He was holding on to him tighter. Holding Rindo was like like a wild rodriguez flying fox. 

At some point there clothes came off. They ripped in the process of the pashioning but they didn't care. This is what Rindo had needed for so long. Too long. February. Maybe more. But this was it now. Rindo and Fret were together at last! They canoddled like lovers and just kissed. 

They cuddled a lot and then held hands. Afterwards they looked at each other as if it were the first time. But they knew they must leave. They didn't want anyone to see. Their love had always been forbidden, now more then ever. It must remain hidden for now. Perhaps forever.

Rindo took one last look at Fret. 

"Goodbye, my love."

"I love you, my one and only Rindo."

And then the departed. 

---

Rindo sat down on the pavement. It was raining loudly and people were hurrying down towards home, of course ignoring his sobbing. The world had been unusually cruel to Rindo. First his horrific childhood where he was treated like nothing more then a slave. The the betrayal from TEDTALKS and how Fret ultimately chose them over him... It all became too much for Rindo, so he put on his iphone player and listened to the soothing tunes, like 'like a virgin' and 'a whole new world'.

Then all of a sudden, footsteps approached Rindo but he didn't hear it because of the music. Rindo then looked up and looked at the mysterious figure wearing a long rain coat. 

"What's wrong, Kiddo?" Said the mysterious stranger.

"I'm fed up with life," Said Rindo, "I'm so good at everything but everyone hates me for it. I can't keep going on anymore." 

And then with the softest voice, Rindo spoke the darkest truth: "I don't want to live anymore."

The stranger laughed loudly, "Ohhohohoh, don't worry dear Rindo. Life will turn out better for you."

"How do you know?" Rindo asked. 

"Because the world hates me too," the stranger said and then with one swoop the stranger removed their coat. It was Josh's Gucci Flip Flops!

"OMG!" Rindo said outraged.

"Calm down, young one." Josh's Gucci Flip Flops said, "I too am misunderstood."

"Oh, I suppose that could be true," Said Rindo.

"Now, come with me," Josh's Gucci Flip Flops said and reached out for Rindo, "Let me take care of you. We're sole mates, you and I. The world is against us, but together the shoe of us can fight for our freedom!" 

"For Freedom!" Rindo said as he accepted Josh's Gucci Flip Flops's hand. 

And together they went off. 

Rindo was finally happy.