Work Text:
SPEECH
Speech can be a difficult thing to manage. Every character has a distinct voice, and while trying to keep track of them, you also have to ensure there are enough surrounding descriptions and body language to make the scene natural.
It might seem overwhelming, but not to fear! Here are a few tips to help you.
1. Paragraphs
“I’ve heard some strange things about Ethan,” he said. “Oh?” Joan finally seemed to be listening. “Like what?” “Just that- wait, he’s coming!” She grabbed him by the shoulder. “Quick, in here!”
Not only is this passage hard to follow, but it’s incorrect. Every time a new person speaks, you should create a new paragraph. Don’t be afraid to hit enter! Your readers will thank you, and you might even thank yourself. Split dialogue is much easier to follow.
The correct version would be:
“I’ve heard some strange things about Ethan,” he said.
“Oh?” Joan finally seemed to be listening. “Like what?”
“Just that- wait, he’s coming!”
She grabbed him by the shoulder. “Quick, in here!”
Much better!
2. Capitalization
“Really?” She hissed. “That’s unfortunate.”
At first glance, this looks correct. But as a rule, the capital ‘S’ in ‘She’ creates a separate action from the dialogue. She says “Really?” and then hisses, instead of hissing the word ‘really’.
The correct version would be:
“Really?” she hissed. “That’s unfortunate.”
When the character is performing an action after talking, the pronoun should be capitalized. When the character is speaking a certain way, the pronoun should be lowercase. An easy way to remember this is Big Action (capital), Small Speech (lowercase).
Correct:
“I'm going to drown,” they said.
Incorrect:
“I'm going to drown.” They said.
Correct:
“I’m so tired.” He blinked rapidly. “I could fall asleep right here.”
Incorrect:
“I’m so tired,” he blinked rapidly. “I could fall asleep right here.”
You might be confused when speech ends in a ‘?’ or a ‘!’. When the character is speaking a certain way, the pronoun should still be lowercase.
“This is so stupid!” she shouted.
“How are you still alive?” they breathed.
But if the character is performing an action, the pronoun should still be capitalized.
“This is so stupid!” She stamped her foot.
“How are you still alive?” They shook their head in disbelief.
Wonderful! Nice and tidy.
3. Dialogue Tags
I’ve heard a lot of things about the word ‘said’. Most people believe it’s a curse on humanity and should be purged from existence, but not so! ‘Said’ is your friend.
Just take a look at this passage:
“That’s such nonsense!” he exclaimed.
“I know, right?” she hissed, shaking her head. “Complete nonsense!”
“What are you talking about?” Pablo laughed.
“Nothing!” Mete yelled. “None of your business!”
“Go away!” Victoria groaned.
Not only is there a dialogue tag for each line, but there are five in total! Five! And ‘said’ isn’t anywhere in sight! The reader is probably suffering from whiplash, and by this point, tired of trying to follow everyone’s moods.
Try this instead:
“That’s such nonsense!”
“I know, right?” she said, shaking her head. “Complete nonsense!”
Pablo’s head appeared. “What are you talking about?”
“Nothing!” Mete yelled. “None of your business!”
“Go away!”
While edits depend on the situation, the development of the scene, and how many characters you have, it’s better to use dialogue tags sparingly. The edited passage has less emotion, but it’s much easier to read, and the reader isn’t whipping their head back and forth trying to assign expressions to every line.
Overusing dialogue tags becomes especially tiring in the middle of the scene when the reader is already aware of who’s talking. Trust the reader, they’re usually smarter than you think.
However, don’t make the mistake of long chunks of tagless speech! These are hard to follow, and the reader will be confused.
Imagine similar dialogue without dialogue tags:
“That’s such nonsense!”
“I know, right?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Nothing!”
“Go away!”
The reader can distinguish some lines as different characters, but others are unclear. This problem is multiplied tenfold when the conversation is character-sensitive, like a twist reveal or an information-loaded argument.
In summary, ‘said’ isn’t your enemy, and the speaker and their emotions need to be clear, but don’t overuse dialogue tags to do it!
Be clear and concise.
4. Stuttering
Stuttering will get you sniped in your own home.
Ignoring stuttering as a genuine condition, (because a handful of people have it and can’t do anything about it), a writer that thinks stuttering is cute, endearing and quirky is wrong. It’s extremely irritating and most readers will try to ignore it for the sake of their sanity.
Avoid it.
However, if you can’t help yourself, make sure the stuttering is written accurately.
“T-t-thank you so much!” is incorrect.
“Th-th-thank you so much!” is correct.
People speak in sounds, not letters, so be careful how you write stuttering.
5. Flat Dialogue
Characters should talk and have conflict like real people. When you think of conflict, you might think of conflict within a story. That type is also necessary, but not what I mean. People have conflict in speech when two or more of us disagree or can’t decide on something, such as a place to stay or somewhere to eat.
Instead of one character agreeing with another, let them clash. If Jesse wants to go to Burger King, have Rafiki choose Pizza Hut instead. Does Samuel drink strawberry tea? Beth teases him about it whenever she can.
You can apply this conflict to a wide range of subjects. Character A doesn’t like Character B’s job, partner, friend group, food choice, school, family, hobbies, music, clothing style, room setup, schedule, personality, habits, etc. There are so many things characters can argue over or disagree on.
Make it interesting! Readers love to see variation.
Additional Tips:
- Read dialogue aloud.
- Avoid info dumps or massive chunks of speech.
- Allow characters to trail off or pause to think.
- Add unique quirks and phrases (but use them in moderation).
- Minimize pleasantries like “How are you?” and “I’m fine, you?”
- Let a character’s age, background, culture, etc. influence how they speak. Do they have prejudices? Do they use outdated slang? Are they native speakers? If not, do they have speech patterns influenced by their mother tongue?
Overall, make dialogue count.
PARAGRAPHS
As mentioned in SPEECH, you should create a new paragraph every time a different character speaks. However, there are several other reasons why you should press that ‘Enter’ key.
Here are some.
- Massive paragraphs
Do you have to drop a lot of information, and fast? Giant paragraphs are tempting, but you should avoid them. They’re daunting, difficult to read, not to mention edit, and it’s easy to lose your place when reading them. Some readers take one look and either skip or click out.
Try to restrict your paragraphs to around 6 lines size-wise.
However, too many small paragraphs can be as bad as massive ones and might be a sign of detail deficiency. Make sure you’re connecting information properly and presenting enough of it.
- Change of Topic
Whenever the topic changes or you introduce a new opinion/point, it’s time for a new paragraph. Don’t mix your ideas into one; split them up. Not only will the reader thank you, but the pacing or character’s thought progression will improve.
- Thoughts
While opinions may not necessarily warrant a new paragraph, sticking thoughts in the middle of a description of a town can be very jarring, especially if they aren’t immediately related. If you want the character to have a direct thought, e.g.:
Hana would have liked this place, he thought.
...Don’t put it in the same paragraph as a description of the Eiffel Tower. Describe the place first and then write the thought in a second paragraph (or vice versa).
- Change of Perspective
Whenever the perspective changes, such as a character seeing a new person or observing someone else, create a new paragraph. Don’t clump encounters together.
- New Actions
Particularly in fight scenes, actions shouldn’t be mashed together. Space them out and allow the scene to breathe.
Tip: In fast action scenes, use smaller paragraphs and shorter sentences. It creates fast pacing and is much more enjoyable to write and read.
- Change of Time
Though I prefer to create an entirely new scene when there’s a substantial time gap, if time changes within a scene, create a new paragraph. Something happening immediately shouldn’t be in the same place as an action happening an hour later. It’s very confusing.
Particularly: flashbacks/memories.
In addition, you can use paragraphs for dramatic effect.
It was running, running everywhere, pooling beneath their feet. Through the spiralling cracks in the walls, through the rotten floorboards, through the flimsy, peeling ceiling. Red.
Vs.
It was running, running everywhere, pooling beneath their feet. Through the spiralling cracks in the walls, through the rotten floorboards, through the flimsy, peeling ceiling.
Red.
It draws attention and makes the scene far more interesting!
Note: As you read and write, you'll come to see exceptions to these rules (see FORMATTING ➜ Em-dashes). Depending on your writing style, you might be able to insert thoughts into a passage that would otherwise be split into multiple paragraphs, or combine character encounters/introductions into a single paragraph. Other rules are based on sensibility, not rigidity; action scenes can be written in a variety of ways.
GRAMMAR AND SPELLING
Here are some common mistakes I’ve seen.
Prey and Pray
Prey → the opposite of a predator, “a prey animal”
Pray → send a prayer to a deity, wish for help, etc
Your and You’re
Your → possessive, “your clothes, your table, your plant”
You’re → you are, “you’re going somewhere, you’re insufferable”
Their and They’re and There
Their → possessive, “their bandana, their reputation, their hair”
They’re → they are, “they’re a bit strange, they’re planning to travel to Mexico”
There → location, “there is no escape, there are too many of them”
Knew and New
Knew → past tense of know, “she knew something wasn’t right”
New → something introduced for the first time, “brand new, that’s a new idea”
Miss and Ms
Miss → an unmarried woman, a young woman
Ms → mizz, a divorced woman or a woman with an unknown marital status
Its and It’s
Its → possessive, “its mug, its company name, its dog bone”
It’s → it is, “it’s a rainy day outside, it’s going to hurt, that's what it's for”
Whose and Who's
Whose → possessive, “whose pen?”
Who’s → who is, “who’s leaving soon?”
“Should of” or “Should Have”?
Many authors write “should of” when really, that’s not correct. This is because many English speakers say “should of” but mean “should have” or "should've". They also sound very similar, so if you read the sentence aloud, you might not catch the mistake.
Correct:
I should have known.
I should’ve known.
I would have known.
I would’ve known.
I could have known.
I could’ve known.
Incorrect:
I should of known.
I would of known.
I could of known.
Dashes
High paying → high-paying
Slow moving → slow-moving
Heart stopping → heart-stopping
Right handed → right-handed
Old fashioned → old-fashioned
Son in law → son-in-law
Ex girlfriend → ex-girlfriend
Well known → well-known
Too and To
Too → an inappropriate amount or also/as well, “too much sugar, too little time, I can do that, too”
To → location or preposition, “I’m going to listen, I’m going to Guatemala”
Loose and Lose
Loose → not tight enough, “a loose knot, loose ends”
Lose → to be deprived or fail to get something, “you’ll lose your mind, don’t lose that money”
Less and Fewer
Less → used for (usually) unmeasurable things, “less sugar, less time, less work”
Fewer → used for measurable things, “fewer books, fewer places to go, fewer distractions”
Than and Then
Than → comparison, “less than normal, brighter than the sun”
Then → time-related, “and then he couldn’t think, then go”
Breath and Breathe
Breath → singular noun, “she stole my breath, you’ll lose your breath”
Breathe → the action of breathing, “they can’t breathe, breathe in and out slowly”
Tigers and Tiger’s
Tigers → plural, “the tigers are everywhere”
Tiger’s → possessive, “the tiger’s territory”
Common and Come On
Common → prevalent, “it’s a common theme”
Come on, c’mon → come with [me] or an expression of disbelief, “come on, we need to hurry! C’mon, how could you?”
Effect and Affect
Effect → what happens afterwards, “the war had a terrible effect”
Affect → to change, “try not to affect the reactor”
Others:
Per say → per se
He was…wrong → he was… wrong
He thought to himself → he thought
Eachother → each other
Alot → a lot
Tip: With words like ‘you’re’ and ‘it’s’, splitting the words into their original forms ‘you are’ and ‘it is’ will help you figure out which is correct.
NOTE: I use a combination of American and British English. You will see instances of "colour" (British), but also "traumatize" (American), and the position of my quotation marks follows British rules. English varies across the globe, so I pick what I like and run with it. However, I only do this in informal settings (e.g. writing fanfiction or messaging friends and acquaintances). I do not use this combination in formal emails, reports, assessments or mainstream (original) fiction.
If you are learning English as a new language, I would recommend you only pick one dialect to avoid confusing grammar and spelling, while ensuring you are aware that there are variations. For example, you might learn to use the word "cheque" (a slip you bring to the bank or a bill you receive at restaurants), while also knowing it can be spelt as "check". If you record your learning journey in writing, it can be useful to indicate where words are from (cheque [UK + more]; check [US]). Searching the meaning of a word in a general Google query will clarify the dialect if you're unsure.
DESCRIPTORS
1. The Blonde Woman
The auburn-haired boy. The pale-skinned man. The green-eyed girl. All of these are technically correct, but if their name has already been mentioned, most readers will cringe. Not only are the descriptions clunky, but they feel impersonal, faceless, and sometimes, disturbing.
Use names and pronouns instead.
2. The Tall Female
I’ve also noticed some authors use ‘male’ and ‘female’ in place of ‘man’ and ‘woman’. These are technically correct as well, but unless you’re writing a science paper, avoid them. They’re oddly clinical and off-putting. You wouldn’t refer to people like this, so why would a character?
Use man and woman instead.
3. Eyes and Hair
Most of us know that unless we want our eyes to sound like marbles, we shouldn’t use ‘orbs’. But feeling that you need to use ‘orbs’ as a synonym for ‘eyes’ is evidence of another, bigger problem: overuse.
Eye and hair colour are the most common forms of description I see in fanfiction. He is not tall without being brown-haired, and she is not curvy without being blue-eyed.
Take a moment: can you remember the eye colours of your friends?
I know a handful, mainly those with unique eye colours, but otherwise, my response is: uh, probably brown? Hair colour is easier, though that’s because hair is more notable and a recognizable trait from a distance.
Point is, eye colour isn’t very important.
What about mannerisms? Gestures? Presence? How does their voice sound? What are they wearing? Where are their hands? Are they leaning towards the main character or away? How are they standing? Are they tidy or rough? What kind of colour scheme do they have, or what mood are they trying to convey non-verbally? How are other characters interacting with them?
There are so many exciting things to use instead of her eyes were a smoky hazel or his hair was bright orange.
General descriptions are good, but repetition is tiring. Be creative! Add flair!
Just like people leave first impressions, so should characters.
Tip: Smirking is a cool term, implying daring, a sly attitude, and mischief on the way. But it can also be your ticket to hell, so limit yourself. Don’t overuse it ― and importantly, don’t let it be a character’s sole personality trait. Wattpad is no god here.
4. Sinful Synonyms
Orbs. Digits. Pink skin. Slick muscle. It sounds like the beginnings of a gory horror film. Who would think these awful words refer to eyes, fingers, lips and tongues? Not only will you confuse a foreign English speaker, but you’ll traumatize a native one.
Others to avoid:
Flesh, covering → skin
Liquid → blood, red, crimson, scarlet
Locks → hair, hair strands
Appendage → arm, leg, tail
Frozen water → ice
Vociferated, pontificated → complained, said, spoke, told
Bosom → chest
Voluptuous → curvy, sexy
Fluid → water
There are far worse ones, and I’m sure you can think of a few, but these are the more common (safe for work) synonyms best left elsewhere. As mentioned earlier, there's also:
Human → person, adult, teenager, child
Male → man, boy, gentleman
Female → woman, girl, lady
If you feel tempted to use any of these words, you’re likely using their sensible equivalents too much, and it’s a sign to step back and scan for overuse and repetition. Skin should never be called a ‘covering’ or ‘flesh’ unless you’re looking to creep the reader out; voluptuous will either make a woman laugh or cringe. It was used frequently in the 1800s, so that’s no surprise.
‘Locks’ (not to be confused with 'locs') is less of a crime, but treads close to ‘orbs’ and often falls in the out-of-place category. Use it sparingly or not at all.
5. Name Replacements
With much the same problem as ‘the blonde woman’, there’s ‘the singer’. Instead of using the person’s name or their pronouns, some writers substitute in their profession. Instead of Talia, we have ‘the tall biologist’, and instead of Vladimir, we have ‘the builder’.
Avoid:
Ben looked up. The tall biologist stood in the doorway, judging him.
Use:
Ben looked up. Talia stood in the doorway, judging him.
If the readers know their name, there’s no reason to call them by their job or position ― it’s very odd. Some exceptions to this rule are military ranks, but be careful how you use them.
TENSE AND PERSPECTIVE CHANGES
There are 3 main tenses: past, present and future. Past and present are the most common, but within a scene, there are usually all three.
However, your scene shouldn’t change its overall tense.
For example, if you’re writing a scene in past tense, you shouldn’t have a character's actions suddenly switch to present tense.
Avoid:
Tiana moved aside one of the boxes. Dust wafts around her.
That right there is a tense change, and it shouldn’t happen.
Similarly, a scene shouldn’t shift between characters unless you’re intentionally using a shifting perspective. If you’re in the head of one character, you shouldn’t move to the head of a different character in the same scene. Unless Tiana is a mind reader, how is she going to know what’s going on inside Leo’s head?
One at a time.
UNREALISTIC POSITIVITY
Most people don’t trust each other after the first meeting or start thinking bright, positive thoughts about someone straight away. Characters shouldn’t either. Y/N might be great, but they aren’t that great. It’s natural for people to be distrustful, argumentative and overly critical of those they’ve just met, especially if there are valid reasons.
Everyone has a clear line between how they treat strangers, friends, and family. A character needs to have these lines, too.
Unrealistic positivity is one of the main reasons for OOC (out of character) characters, so if something feels off but you aren’t sure what it is, it might be this.
FORMATTING
Although formatting is often preference-based, there are a few no-nos and general annoyances.
Bold and italics are frequently overused, used incorrectly, or not used at all. Think of them like spices. Too little or in the wrong part of the dish, and they don’t have much effect. Too much, and it overwhelms the entire meal.
- Bold
Used for firm, clear, or sharp words, and headings. It is similar to all caps.
For example:
She pulled out the knife. “Now!”
Three Hours Later
Leonardo POV
Bold is a very strong form of emphasis and shouldn’t be used for entire lines unless they’re headings (see above). It has the best effect when used for singular words.
Avoid:
“What are you doing?!”
“You said not to do that?!”
While these are loaded phrases, there’s too much bold, and it’s remarkably hard to vocally emphasize an entire passage.
See instead:
“What are you doing?!” she snarled.
You are not to do that.
This brings forth aggression, anger and ‘venom’, and typically works best for shouting ― though, for the above examples, I’d prefer to use italics. Personally, I don’t use bold much, as it’s often not appropriate.
If you want a character to shout an entire passage, use all caps.
“What are you doing?!”
Vs.
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”
Too much bold is both irritating and distracting, and this goes for putting the author’s notes in all bold, as well. If the reader isn’t shouting in their head about how your week’s been busy and you aren't happy with this chapter, they’re probably reading with the voice equivalent of Darth Vader talking in their ear.
It’s rather jarring.
- Italics
Used for emphasis, weight, change in language, thoughts, and vessel names.
For example:
“What kind of animal is that?”
The Hurricane was a new model designed for high swells…
And even though I knew I shouldn't've, I still did it.
“How are you doing today?” they asked in Russian.
What a strange guy, he thought.
It’s less loud and aggressive than bold, and it will take much more of it to frustrate a reader. However, while italics has a wider range of uses than bold, you still need to use it in moderation, particularly when writing emphatic dialogue or making a point.
Overuse cheapens, so only use italics when important. If italics has no effect other than “oh, it just stresses that word because that’s how I/the character talks”, then it might be best to remove it.
- Em-dashes
While I might be being picky here, “--” and “-” do not count as em-dashes. An em-dash is this:
―
When using an em-dash, there are two ways to do it:
You opened the door ― that was definitely a mistake ― and stepped onto something hard.
OR
You opened the door―that was definitely a mistake―and stepped onto something hard.
Personally, I find the first example easier to read, but that differs between people.
Em-dashes are usually used to add details or extra thoughts that are semi-related to the current sentence. It often adds personality or humour to a writing style and makes the scene more interesting, other than just “You opened the door and stepped onto something hard.”
To enter an em-dash, hold down ctrl + shift + u. It will look like this:
u
Then, with no spaces, type out “2015”. Like this:
u2015
When you hit space, you will get an em-dash:
―
- Breaks
Breaks are good for splitting up scenes within a chapter. Authors use various ones, but the two most common are:
************
--------------
These look messy and won’t split scenes clearly unless you add spaces above and below them. It also means you’re throwing in a random number each time; unless you keep notes on how many asterisks or dashes you’re using, which is something easily avoidable.
Use the ‘Horizontal Line’ tool in 'Rich Text' instead.
- Spacing
While on the subject of spacing, you might’ve noticed that it differs between authors. Occasionally, you’ll get a story where there’s paragraph spacing, but the author has also added an extra space after each paragraph. This means readers have to scroll twice as much to read the same amount, which is just a pain.
When you paste your text into 'Rich Text', make sure you don’t have any random spaces after you post it/save it as a draft.
Also, watch out when using italics and bold. If you only format part of a word, it can leave weird spaces. If there’s a comma, speech mark or period connected to a word (e.g. larynx.”) make sure you make the word, the period and the speech mark bold/italicized.
larynx.”
larynx.”
And there you go!
THE MILLION-DOLLAR QUESTION
- Does this make sense?
When re-reading your writing, ask yourself this question. Small details can catch you out, and if you’re writing about a specific topic or situation and get it wrong ― a medical emergency, mental illness, biology, chemistry, farming, etc. ― the reader (who could very well be an expert) will either leave or call you out on it.
For example, I once read a fic in which a woman went target shooting. While the tips the mentor figure used were correct, (though not very detailed or specific), that wasn’t the problem. You see, after she’d been target shooting for a long period of time, she shot a rabbit. In the same area as her targets. After firing off multiple shots.
Does this make sense?
No, it doesn’t. A wild rabbit wouldn’t have been anywhere near loud people, let alone several rounds of gunshots. And not only that, the author believed one rabbit could feed a large group of adults.
I groaned and left.
The lesson here isn’t that city folk are doomed to embarrass country bumpkins, but that editing needs to go beyond surface level. A story needs to be more than functional; it needs to be sensible. A shallow understanding isn’t enough. (See also: a person who has never picked up a gun in their life, but thinks they know what to do). You need to 1), do your research, and 2), think through several aspects of the scene.
For example:
A boy who has never used a gun before takes the loaded rifle from his uncle, disengages the safety, and fires. A standing shot. He hits the target, perfectly dead centre.
Does this make sense?
All the research is on point. The scene is described accurately. Not only is the safety mentioned, but he toggles it off (gasp!) before firing. Firearms users all around the world can sleep in peace.
…Or can they?
While technically all the details are correct, there is no way that kid just hit the bullseye. Not only is he young, but he has no experience and fired while standing, which is a difficult position to shoot from with a rifle. A seasoned firearms user would be lucky to have a result so accurate. After all, even if you have an excellent eye, the rifle might not. (Slug guns, anyone?). You'd also want to find something solid to lean on ― your hands aren't as steady as you think they are.
So no, it doesn’t make sense.
This is an obvious example, but watch out for similar problems. Think a scene through. YouTube and Quora are fantastic resources if you’re unsure, and if you can, talk to people directly. Don't be afraid to delete large passages if they don't make sense.
Remember: Writing a scene badly is (usually) better than not at all. But if you fudge the details, expect people to notice.
Research and review. I cannot emphasize this enough.