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“Lightning hides the colour of night.”
Munia Khan
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When Agustin tells people that he used to be a nimble and graceful kid, they look at him as if he is insisting that the sky is green.
Only a lot more disbelieving.
It doesn't bother him too much. He can see why it's hard to believe when all he does is stumble through life and drop things and trip over his own two feet and find bees willing to attack him everywhere he goes and…well, the list goes on.
Point is, he wasn't always that way.
As a small child he could climb trees without giving himself grievous injury. He could chase his brothers and sisters around the yard without falling on his face. His Mama regularly asked him to help with dinner preparations because a knife in his hand wasn't a recipe for disaster, but for a delightful stew.
Their old neighbors in Bogota only knew him as a little whirlwind, a daredevil.
"There he goes. Pequeno Temerario!" The old ladies would call after him as he ran past their windows down to the river or to the market.
He used to be careless because there was no reason to be careful. A small boy, not even 7 years old, can't possibly fathom that life can be dangerous. That one small step to the right or to the left can lead to the end of all that you are, all that you want and all that you dream.
In Agustin's case, it was that first step out the front door in the middle of a thunderstorm.
It happened, as most horrible things that happen to good people tend to do, because he'd wanted to do a good deed for someone else.
When the storm had come rolling in and the children had all hurried home, his little sister had left her favorite doll behind near the river. An old thing made out of fabric and filled with straw. Their great grandmother had already played with it, a family heirloom and a well loved one.
The doll would have survived a night in the rain. Probably worse for wear, but nothing a good wash couldn't have mended.
But his sister had been inconsolable because she had 'borrowed' their mothers new brooch to make the doll more pretty. It had been an expensive piece of jewelry, made out of fine metal and some kind of pretty stone. Their mother had explicitly forbidden them from playing with it.
"She will find out Gus!", his little sister had wailed. "She will be so mad."
Agustin had always been a child with a keen sense of justice. Usually he would have been the first one to tell her that she needed to face the consequences of her actions, because she had done something wrong, no question about it.
But he had also always been a pushover when it came to his crying sister and so while his siblings had done their best to console her and distract their parents, Agustin had sneaked out of the house to get the doll before anyone could notice.
No big deal. Just a quick trip through the rain. Rain had never bothered him before and it wouldn't deter him now.
What could go wrong?
stepstepstep
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Agustin doesn't remember the exact moment it happens. Not really. He remembers bending down to grab the doll, his shirt sticking wettly to his body. The doll is water drenched as well and it looks so bedraggled and pitiful that the fine brooch stuck to its dress seems like a mockery. The young boy can't help but giggle a little. He grabs the small strawhand that seems to reach out for him. He hears the rumbling in the sky, can see lightning out of the corners of his eyes, reflecting in the metal of the brooch, but he doesn't worry even for a second.
He is Pequeno Temerario. Thunderstorms don't scare him.
The next second he is lying on his side, his face pressed against the soaked, muddy ground. His whole body seizes and trembles, every sound seems to be far away. He is both hot and cold, his heart is racing like it's a rabbit trapped in his chest and he is wheezing. Mud clings to his cheek and his eyelashes. There is a burn on his hand where he'd grabbed the doll.
The doll is gone. The brooch is a mangled heap of metal and cracked stone.
Agustin can't move. That's the scary part. He hurts and he trembles so much that it feels like his body is shaking apart, but he simply can't move. The boy tries to get up and run home. Mama's kisses and Papa's gruff pats on the back always make everything better. He just needs to get home and his little sister will forgive him for losing(?) her favorite doll and Mama will scold a little because of her brooch but ultimately be glad that he is home safe and this agony will stop.
He just needs to get up.
stepstepstep
Come on!
stepstep
Dios, please!
step-
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They find him hours later.
It will be months before he takes a step by himself again.
*************************
The damage is severe. His right eardrum is busted and it messes up his balance. Where before he could skip through Bogota on nimble feet, he now has to walk slowly and carefully. Quick movement makes his head spin, causes nausea and vertigo when before it had led to laughter and fun.
It gets better over time, but it never goes away.
There is nerve damage as well. His hands tremble constantly and his legs shake as well. The first few months he feels like a foal, taking its first steps. The doctors recommend exercises for his hands. He bends his wrist this way and that, spreads his fingers and presses them back together, over and over. They give him balls, bands that can stretch and small games where he has to concentrate and keep his hands steady to fit the tiny pieces together. The games frustrate him the most. He is a cheerful guy, but every time a piece of the game falls to the ground, he has to fight the urge to stomp on it.
It's his mother who decides to take the toys and equipment away and gives him a needle instead. She tells him to sew something for her and to take his time, no matter how long it will take him.
He pricks his fingers so, so many times. But the pain is fleeting. His skin grows hard around the fingertips and the concentration helps keep his dark thoughts at bay. It takes weeks, but he has made her a skirt. It's a little lopsided, but she loves it and wears it a lot. And he's done it himself. It doesn't take long until he can sew a dress in days rather than weeks, sometimes even without his hands shaking even once.
And then his father leads him to the piano and teaches him how to play. Short pieces at first. Everytime the boy hits a dissonant key, Agustin winches in anticipation, but his otherwise gruff father is patient and kind during their lessons. Soon enough Agustin manages to get lost in the music as much as he gets lost in the needle and thread.
The trembling gets better over time, but it never goes away.
Agustin's whole body seems to be out of tune with his mind. He intends to do one thing, but his limbs do something else instead. Movements which used to be precise and pointed, grow wild and uncoordinated.
This one doesn't take any exercises, just adjustment and concentration.
It gets better as he gets older, but it never goes away.
That's his life after the lightning strike:
The symptoms get better, but they don't go away. He will always be like that from now on.
No more old ladies calling him Pequeno Temerario as they watch him fly by through the streets.
Now it's a constant stream of "Be careful.", "Don't run so fast." and " Watch out for that- Yeah, that one. Are you okay?"
It's stifling, but Agustin thinks he will get used to it. He can adjust, surely. He knows that he is lucky to even still be alive. The doctors told him so. A lot.
He is much more careful now. Much more aware of his movements every time he reaches out. Aware of every step he takes.
step…. step….step
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His parents adjust as well as they can to their new son, but they are hopelessly optimistic people. One day, when Agustin has just turned 15, they hear rumors about a new treatment in another town. The decision to pack up all of their belongings to move there doesn't take as long as it should have.
His siblings hate leaving everything behind and they still don't blame Agustin for any of it. That's probably the worst.
Even worse than the trip itself. They get lost in the jungle almost immediately, because of course they do.
And then Agustin breaks his wrist, because of course he does.
Everything seems hopeless. His parents put up a brave front, but Agustin has become very well acquainted with their faces when they are worried or scared.
They are scared to death.
But then the wind suddenly shifts and the trees seem not quite that impenetrable anymore. They can hear music and laughter carried by the wind and follow it to a small village.
They are greeted by a middle aged, stern looking woman. She seems determined to send them away, but then she sees the tears in Agustin's parents eyes, and his small siblings huddling together and Agustin's broken wrist and the hardness in her eyes fades. She ushers them to her home where the most beautiful girl Agustin has ever seen awaits them with a plate full of empanadas.
She introduces herself as Julieta and urges Agustin to eat something. The pain is making him nauseous and he doesn't want to, but she smiles at him and squeezes his shoulder.
"It will help. I promise."
The most beautiful girl with the most beautiful smile.
Agustin falls in love with her even before her food magically heals his wrist.
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When his parents tell Dona Madrigal about his accident and beg her and her daughter to completely fix him (missing his flinch at their poor choice of words), both mother and daughter shake their heads with apologetic looks on their faces.
"I'm sorry, but that won't work." Dona Alma says.
"My food can heal injuries, but it works best when it's a recent one. Such old and severe damage… I can't do anything about that." Julieta adds and directs her next words to Agustin directly. "I'm so sorry."
She looks so sad. This girl has just healed his arm with her food, and she still sounds and looks so guilty and sad because she can't do the same for a condition that seems to be a part of Agustin by now. He has lived longer with this damaged body than he has lived without.
Running with the wind. Feeling nothing but air under his feet sitting high up in a tree, without fear of falling. All that seems like a distant memory. A different life.
So he smiles at her, his crooked smile, and says: "Don't worry about it."
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His parents decide to stay in Encanto. What better place for their son than a village with magical healing food?
Naturally, Agustin becomes a fixture at Julieta's food cart in the plaza. She always greets him with an eye roll and an "Ay Agustin", but she smiles while doing so and she never sends him away after he is healed.
Julieta has two siblings. They are triplets. Agustin immediately feels a kinship with her brother Bruno and despite the boy's odd mannerisms and shy nature, they become fast friends. He is apparently Bruno's only friend besides his sisters, which saddens Agustin but also instills in him a new sense of responsibility. Bruno is one year older than Agustin, but he still feels like a little brother most of the time.
Agustin is a good big brother.
While his friendship with the outcast of the triplets takes off quick and easy, his relationship with the social butterfly named Pepa starts off… not so great.
It's no one's fault, really.
If he had met her on a good day, maybe he could have prepared himself better. Could have seen her gift and realized what it could mean.
But he doesn't.
He meets her on a bad day and when she storms into the kitchen of Casita where Agustin is waiting with scraped hands for Julieta to fix him something really quick, the first thing he notices isn't a beautiful girl with hair red like fire or her angry rant about 'stupid farmers and their stupid fields'.
It's the thundering cloud over her head.
The scrapes on his hands suddenly start to burn. The scar on his hand seems to burst into flames. He knows it's just phantom pain from years ago, but he can't help the shiver running down his spine, the terror seizing his heart and the anguished scream building in his throat.
Everything after that is a blur. Augustin thinks he might have pushed Pepa away from him, actually pushed her to the ground. He has a fleeting memory of her yelling and thunder rumbling ominously over their heads, but the fear overshadows every rational thought and memory.
Whatever he's done, he ends up in Bruno's room for the first time since becoming friends with the boy, laying in the cool sand with a cold washcloth over his eyes. He can't see, but he feels Bruno awkwardly patting his hand and hears him rambling about one of these 'Telenovelas' the seer is so fond of.
Pepa avoids him after that. Agustin fears it's because he actually hurt her and now she hates him.
But Julieta informs him that it's none of those things.
"I told her why you… reacted the way you did. She is very temperamental and she cannot always control her cloud. Pepa feels guilty for hurting you and keeps her distance. She doesn't want to trigger you again."
Which is so nice and considerate of her. It fills him with relief, because he was so afraid that he had hurt her.
But it's also really bad news, because he's already decided that Julieta is the woman he is gonna marry one day. Surely he will have enough courage to ask her on a date soon. He's been practicing in front of his mirror a lot, after all.
With Julieta's sister avoiding him, the wedding might be a bit uncomfortable.
Hey! Agustin is just as hopelessly optimistic as his parents, okay?
So he searches Pepa out and reassures her that there are no hard feelings. And when she starts looking like she actually believes him, he immediately asks her to help him with his fear of lightning.
"What? Are you crazy?"
"A little. Maybe. But think about it! Your thundering presents a perfectly safe environment to desentize me. Not like I can just stand outside during a thunderstorm everytime one comes rolling around."
Nope. Never that.
Pepa looks sceptical but she agrees in the end.
(Years later they will find themselves alone at the only bar in Encanto and she will confess to him that she'd only agreed because that had been the first time someone had wanted her thundering to help with something.
"They all want sunshine and a light breeze and maybe a little rain for the fields.", she will slur in that dark corner, maudlin and bitter. "But you wanted my thunder. No one ever wants my thunder.")
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They go slow. It takes months until he doesn't flinch at her thundering anymore.
Even longer until he can spend time around her dark cloud without tracking its every move with baited breath.
The day she thunders unexpectedly in his presence and he barely reacts, Pepa punches his shoulder (almost throwing him to the ground) and declares: "Finally! Now go ask my sister on that date already, you beanpole!"
He does.
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That one step, that strike from the heavens and everything that has followed, have taken a lot from him.
Agustin's hands will never be completely steady. There will always be a fine tremor running through them. Blink and you'll miss it. Holding onto things is near impossible on bad days. A glass of water, a piece of cutlery. He is banned from helping with dinner. No one asks him first when it comes to helping with delicate, breakable things.
The man doesn't mind. He knows his limits.
Things tend to just slip through Agustin's fingers.
But not everything does.
He grabs his wife's hands on their wedding day and doesn't let go all night. They dance the night away and he only stumbles over his feet a few times and Julieta is alway there to pull him back up.
Agustin's hand closes around his best friend's, no! Around his little brother's wrist and his thumb rubs soothing circles into skin. Just like he's always done when everything gets to be too much for the unwilling prophet.
He holds Pepa's hair back the night she drinks too much after catching another idiot cheating on her. And then he doesn't hesitate to accept the glass of water a stranger with kind eyes and a winning smile offers him for her. His name is Felix.
He accepts a beautiful flower from a little girl, his very first own miracle. He puts it into his jacket pocket to display it for everyone to see and she is so delighted that she gives him a new one every day for years to come.
Agustin steadies his second miracle on the donkey she wants to ride. His hands are flat on her back and he keeps step with her and the animal. Careful steps.
step…step…step
He doesn't fall once. His hands never leave her back.
He puts glasses on the nose of his third miracle and swoops her up into the air when she is sad about needing them.
"We are glasses buddies now, Miraboo. Just you and Papa."
And the moment she realizes, she squeals and waves her arms around and kicks her little legs in delight.
His hands are steady under her armpits. He spins her around and his vertigo is fierce, but he stops just in time and pulls her close to his chest and waits with her for the dizziness to fade.
She was never in danger of falling.
Yes, that fateful day has taken a lot from him. He will never again be Pequeno Temerario.
His hands tremble too much. His balance seems nonexistent some days. Sometimes things slip right through his fingers and there is nothing he can do about it.
But not everything. Not the important things. Not the people he loves.
Those he will always manage to hold tight and safe.
Every step of the way.