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When Subaru was five, he crashed his bike thirty seconds after getting on it for the first time. He blames it on his dad, since five-year-old Subaru told him a hundred times not to let go and his dad did anyways, so he really should have seen Subaru panicking and getting his ankle tangled up in the bike chain and falling face-first into the sidewalk coming. It was a pretty spectacular Subaru move in hindsight — he’d hit the ground hard enough to chip a tooth, and there’d been enough blood all over his brand new t-shirt that his mom had almost started crying faster than he did.
The weird part, when he thinks back on it, is that he hardly remembers the pain in his face at all. The biggest thing that sticks with him from the fiasco was how stupid-painful it was when he’d tried to stand up after crashing. The ankle he’d caught in the bike chain had wrenched out of place, so any of five-year-old Subaru’s bravado had died instantly and he’d ended up sobbing in his dad’s arms while he carried him home. Served him right for letting go of the bike, that’s what.
But the point to all this — and there is one — is that trying to walk on twisted ankles is a pretty stupid idea. Subaru knows this firsthand.
So why he’s forcing himself to hobble through said stupid pain right now, for Julius — Julius! — of all people, is totally beyond him.
“You owe me for this,” he grits through his teeth, blinking rainwater from his eyes and hauling Julius’ arm further over his shoulders so he isn’t dangling quite as much. “You owe me so bad, you asshole. You’re all talk, y’know that? I can’t believe—”
Subaru’s rant cuts off in a strangled cry as his foot slips on the muddy ground, his bad ankle throbbing in agony enough that it almost makes him want to throw up. Actually, he might throw up anyways, because now he has to stand back up on the same ankle and wow, Subaru does not get paid enough for this kind of suffering.
Not that he gets paid enough anyways, because Roswaal’s a cheap bastard, and it’s not like Subaru’s gonna go estimating what would actually begin to serve as financial compensation for getting your skull crushed in or your limbs chewed on and devoured by—
Oh, bad train of thought, he’s most definitely gonna be sick now.
“And it doesn’t help,” he huffs, blinking back water that is definitely just rain from his eyes as he forces himself to move forward. “That I’m stuck with you as deadweight. Seriously. This is a new low for you.”
Julius doesn’t reply. It isn’t as if Subaru was expecting him too, but the silence still makes his stomach sink. Awesome. Subaru’s actually missing Julius’ condescending little barbs now. Maybe he needs his skull knocked around again.
“Total jerk move,” he mutters instead, tightening his hold on Julius’ entirely too-still form. “What kinda knight hits their head on a rock anyways. Losers, that’s who.”
Maybe if he insults Julius enough, he’ll wake up. It’s a possibility. Subaru’s notorious for being so annoying he’s impossible to ignore, and Julius is no exception. Seriously. The day they met, their social standings were on such opposite ends of the “important people” spectrum that Julius shouldn’t have even glanced at Subaru once, much less twice. Instead, he got so caught up on Subaru that he wasted his day kicking his ass in front of like, every knight in the kingdom. And yeah, okay, it sucked a whole lot and Subaru’s gonna be bitter about it ’til the day he dies, but it just goes to show how obsessed with him Julius is, so hah. The least he can do is wake up when Subaru’s being annoying on purpose.
“You hear that?” he gives Julius’ unconscious form a little shake. Only a little one, though. Julius feels unusually fragile, draped over Subaru like this, and it maybe hurts a bit more than he wants to admit. “I’m dragging your name through the mud here. Heh, I’m pretty much dragging you through the mud.”
He stumbles through another puddle, rainwater soaking through his shoes. Subaru spares a flash of relief for the cool feeling of the water on his ankle. Maybe if he gets soaked enough, it’ll go so numb that he won’t feel it anymore. If it just gets cold enough—
Actually, nope, that’s a bad train of thought too. Subaru focuses on breathing through his nose, the earthy smell of rain flooding his senses. It’s calming, in a familiar way that aches a little bit. Subaru likes rain. It’s warm, in a way that doesn’t bring the same bad feelings snow does. Maybe it’s a bit annoying right now with how it’s dripping in his eyes and making the ground all slippery, and he’s pretty sure it’s adding like twenty extra pounds to Julius’ stupid cape alone, but he still likes it.
Rain’ll make it harder for any other cultists to track them, too. If they’re out there.
Subaru isn’t actually sure if the people that attached them were cultists, but it’s a safe bet. They weren’t dressed like anyone threatening, which is how they got the jump on him and Julius in the first place.
Really, it’s Subaru’s fault for going anywhere with Julius alone at all. There’s tempting fate, and then there’s spitting in fate’s face and flipping it the bird. Subaru’s done both a lot more than he should (and like, he thinks he deserves to, okay?), but this is probably a new low.
They hadn’t even been doing anything bad, that’s the kicker. Julius had, in a spectacularly uncharacteristic show of goodwill, offered to teach Subaru more about spirit arts while Emilia-tan discussed candidate-business-of-the-week with Anastasia, and in an even more spectacularly uncharacteristic show of goodwill, Subaru had accepted. He’d left Beako with Emilia, which is probably what kicked off his bad luck to start with, but like, he was with Julius. Mr. Finest Knight, expert at swordplay, showing off his spirit arts in the woods just outside the capital. It’s one of the safer situations Subaru’s ever put himself in.
So it’s not really his fault at all, that they got ambushed and Julius ended up unconscious, and now Subaru’s hauling his useless body to safety through the woods in the middle of a storm.
“If you don’t wake up, I’m gonna blame the whole thing on you,” he tells Julius. “Literally everything. This isn’t even close to my fault.”
Subaru bites his lip, the rain painfully loud in his ears. Maybe it wasn’t his fault they got ambushed, but Julius is only hurt because he pushed Subaru out of the way. There’s an ugly gash all up Julius’ arm that Subaru hasn’t been able to look at yet because he was too slow, and he only hit his head because he took a blow meant for Subaru.
“Fine. I won’t, geez. It’s my fault, okay? I’ll take the whole blame. Just — wake up, already.”
Rain streams into his eyes, and Subaru blinks furiously. Who even asked Julius to save him like that, anyways? There’s no way Subaru can return the favor. He has to know that.
What can Subaru even do, besides cause a fuss and die? That’s what he’s best at, isn’t it? Making big commotions that draw attention to himself and then getting killed for it. Sure, sometimes he gets off with moderate-to-severe injuries, and a lot of the time it’s Satella who’s causing the commotion with her fun times heart-grabby move, but still. His special moves are pretty limited.
Well. He can apparently carry Julius through a forest in pouring rain on a twisted ankle. That’s something. Though carry is a pretty generous word, considering how Subaru’s basically hauling Julius on his back like some — some sack of appas Ram overstuffed to make him suffer, or something.
Subaru takes a brief moment of despair. If only he had even a fraction of Emilia-tan’s strength, who makes a regular habit of picking him up like a fairy-tale princess.
Beggars can’t be choosers though, so Julius is just gonna have to suck it up and take the Subaru express this time.
His ankle is starting to hurt a lot, though. In the bad-aching kind of way that suggests Subaru is probably making things a lot worse by forcing himself to stagger around through mud.
“I swear, if my ankle’s permanently screwed after this, I’m killing you,” Subaru mutters. “It couldn’t even be the ugly Capella-blood one, could it. No, I had to go and bust my one good ankle slipping on wet grass.”
Humiliating, that’s what this is. And Subaru is an expert on humiliation.
He lifts his head, his fingers starting to go numb where he clutches Julius. Blinking rainwater from his eyes, Subaru squints through the soaked hair that’s hanging over his forehead. There. An opening in the rocky hills lined by trees. It’s probably the shittier cave he could’ve found in the general area, but he’ll take what he can get.
“And we won’t be drenched anymore, so that’s a win,” Subaru says, as brightly as he can, moving a little faster as he heads for the cave. “Now all we gotta do is wait for—”
His ankle picks that moment to give out, sending them both sprawling in the wet grass. Subaru swallows back a filthy curse and about a mouthful of rainwater.
“Ow,” he groans into the muddy grass instead. This is probably the most pathetic he’s looked all day, but he needs — a second. Just a second.
“Su..baru?”
Naturally, that’s exactly when Julius wakes up.
And what the hell, Subaru’s so happy to hear his voice he almost wants to drown himself. Disgraceful, this whole stupid day. Just disgraceful.
Julius doesn’t know what he was expecting when he went down after being ambushed with Subaru. Perhaps for Reinhard to appear, having saved the day once again. Or for Subaru to have pulled off yet another miracle, landing them both safely in the capital inn by unfathomable means. Or, much more likely, for Subaru to have seized the opportunity and dumped Julius in a lake.
He wasn’t expecting to wake up next to Subaru, utterly soaked to the bone, in a cave, but it is perhaps one of the better outcomes. He acknowledges this, even with his splitting headache.
“While I thank you for waiting for me to awaken, we ought to make haste back to the capital,” he says. “The cultists—”
“Are dead, dumbass,” Subaru says, tugging him back down. “Remember? You took out all but that last one, and I managed to trip him off the cliff. So we’re good.”
Julius feels a sting of shame at the realization that he’d left Subaru to fight on his own. It’s followed by a flash of relief that they made it out at all.
“Still,” he says, attempting to rise again. “We should inform the guards.” He stumbles to his feet, admirably pushing past the pain in both his head and arm and making for the cave entrance.
Or rather, he would, except Subaru forces him back down once again with a firm — still gentle, but surprisingly strong — hand.
“Hell no you don’t,” he growls. “I did not drag your ass out of that just so you can walk off and die of — I dunno, gangrene or blood loss or whatever gets you first. I’m fixing you up and then we’re sitting here, safe and dry, until it isn’t freakin’ flooding out there. I don’t care if you’re the knight of knights or whatever you wanna call it, you can’t stab blood loss to death with a sword, moron.”
Despite being a head shorter than him and a good deal lighter, Subaru manages to wrestle Julius into submission with the sheer force of his words alone. It’s rather impressive, if somewhat humiliating.
“It isn’t nearly that grievous a wound,” he tries a final time.
Subaru gives him a thoroughly unimpressed look. “Your entire sleeve’s scarlet. Hate to break it to you, but red clashes god-awful with purple, so you’re gonna need to let. Me. Fix it.”
Julius straightens his back, elegantly brushes his hair from his face with his good arm, and sighs. “If you must.”
“I literally hate you so much,” Subaru snarls, but he’s already tearing Julius' sleeve away, tugging the blood-sticky fabric from the gash with surprising gentleness. He makes a face. “Ooh, yeah. Okay. That’s bad. That’s stitches bad, sorry.”
Before Julius can form a response, Subaru is producing a few tiny vials and — ah, needle and thread from a pouch tucked away in his jacket. Half of him wants to ask if he always carries such supplies with him. The other half wants to ask why, though he has a good feeling he already knows the answer.
“—and it’s all sterilized and stuff, so it won’t rot your arm off or anything, but I’d still check with Felix when we get back,” Subaru’s rambling on. “Here.”
He gestures at Julius when he fails to respond, nodding at his arm. “Gimme.”
Taken aback, Julius hesitantly lifts his arm from his side. Subaru huffs, grabbing his wrist and tugging Julius’ arm so it rests against his lap, angling his elbow so he has a perfect line of sight to the gash. The action leaves the two closer than Julius expected, his knees brushing against Subaru’s own.
If it bothers Subaru at all, he doesn’t show it. “I’m pretty quick at this, but it might sting a bit,” he says. “Just try and hold still, ‘kay? Unless you want sloppy stitches and an ugly scar. Personally I think you could do with some ugly, but out of the consideration of my tender heart.”
Julius rolls his eyes, banishing the slight feeling of unease. “I suppose I have no choice but to let you do your worst.”
“Damn right you do,” Subaru smirks, the slim needle flashing in his hands.
Julius doesn’t think Subaru to be a cruel person by nature, but he is expecting some measure of pain, even if Subaru doesn’t intend it. He isn’t entirely disappointed. The needle that threads through his skin isn’t comfortable by any means, and the pain of the wound itself is still present.
It doesn’t hurt nearly as much as he was expecting, though. Subaru’s hands are gentle, his movements precise but obviously careful. His brow furrows in concentration, dark eyes unusually intent as he works, the edge of his teeth set on his lip as he pulls the wound closed stitch by stitch. He holds Julius’ arm with an almost devoted regard, wholly focused on avoiding any excess pain. The quiet feels heavier, and Julius unconsciously holds his breath. He casts his eyes away from Subaru's face, and finds himself studying his hands instead.
There are scars on Subaru’s hands, ugly marks that look like teeth. There are scratching ones up his wrists and forearms too, that look less like teeth. They are not something, Julius thinks, that Subaru would ever willingly show off on his own. Certainly not to him.
The sight still sticks painfully in his chest. He’s half worked up the nerve to voice something, when Subaru pulls back, letting out a breath of relief.
“All good, I think. You aren’t bleeding everywhere anymore, so that’s a good sign.”
There’s a sharp tearing sound, and Julius watches in surprise as Subaru yanks at the seams of his own jacket, tearing a neat strip of fabric loose. He unravels it, winding it into a makeshift bandage around Julius’ arm and ties it off, giving him an anxious look. “It feels okay, right? I mean, it didn’t… uh, hurt too much, did it?”
Julius shakes his head wordlessly, pulling his arm back and carefully flexing his wrist. “No. You were quick, as you said.”
“Oh.” Subaru seems to brighten. “Good.” He makes a face at the blood on his hands, wiping them off on his torn jacket as he tucks the pouch away. “Sewing’s one of my better talents. I mean, normally it’s just with clothes and little dolls for Meili and stuff, I don’t make a habit of stitching up bloody wounds, but y’know, it’s me, so it’s a good skill to have on hand.”
Julius blinks at the onslaught of words. Subaru turns red.
“I mean — sorry. I ramble when I get worried. Not that I was worried about you! Nope, not at all, just… the situation. In general.”
Julius shakes his head, blowing out a breath of amusement. “I wouldn’t dream of such a thing.”
“Good,” Subaru crosses his arms, huffing. Julius takes the opportunity to lean forward, studying the way Subaru sits with his left ankle extended awkwardly. He frowns, hand drifting toward his leg.
Subaru jerks back, his eyes narrowing. “If you’re tryin’ to get up again—”
“I am not so foolish as to test your temper any further,” Julius sighs. “I only wish to make sure you aren’t badly injured as well. If I were to return you in poor shape—”
“Return me, please. I’m the one that dragged you half a mile. I’m fine.”
“The state of your leg suggests otherwise.”
“I said I’m fine.”
There’s something brittle in the way Subaru snaps at him, a kind of fragility that reminds Julius of the last sparks of a candle desperately sputtering against a gale. He is, most obviously, not fine, but Julius is beginning to wonder if pointing that out might only hurt him worse.
“If you say so,” he relents, if regretfully.
“I do say so,” Subaru scowls. “It’s fine, geez. What are you, my mom?”
“I assure you, I am neither your mother nor my own. Though I do feel pity for yours, with the trouble you put yourself in so often.”
Julius only means it as a simple jab, but the remark clearly hits a sore point in Subaru he didn’t know existed. His face goes terribly pale, before a flush of anger heats his cheeks.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he hisses, glaring as he changes the subject. “I got us safe, didn’t I? Have some faith in me.”
Eager to right whatever mistake he’s just made, Julius responds easily, without thinking. “I do.”
Subaru blinks wildly. It would be comical, if Julius wasn’t just as taken aback by how sincerely the words came from his mouth. He’d meant it to be lightly reassuring, but he feels an unusual flush of embarrassment as he realizes it came out… slightly more intense.
“O-okay then. Good. Good!” Subaru blusters over the awkward pause. “You should. Trust me. But not too much, ‘cause I’d definitely still tie your shoelaces together when you weren’t looking, or uh—” He shakes his head. “Yeah. Cool.”
As is his talent, Subaru only makes the awkward turn more pronounced. Julius finds he doesn’t quite mind it. The silence that comes after feels lighter, in a way that’s oddly comfortable. The pain in his arm has faded to a dull stinging, and his head doesn’t ache as badly. In fact, with the quiet sound of rain from outside and the cool breeze that occasionally drifts in from the storm, the situation is almost pleasant.
Julius feels his eyelids fluttering dangerously, before Subaru’s quiet, faltering voice breaks the silence.
“Speaking of moms, d’you… how’s uh, yours? D’you ever, I dunno, miss…her…”
Julius stiffens, caught off-guard. “I miss those I care about as any other does.”
It’s more of an evasion than an answer. Subaru doesn’t miss the fact. “Right, sorry. Sticking my nose in other people’s business again. Classic move there, my bad.”
He sounds genuinely apologetic. Julius feels a flicker of guilt. There had been something uncharacteristically vulnerable in Subaru’s tone when he’d asked, and he is oddly loathe to see it shoved away.
“Do you…” Julius clears his throat. “Do you inquire because you miss your own?”
Subaru gives him a truly piercing look, his eyes sharper than usual beneath the wet hair that hangs in his face. “What, m’I supposed to give you my pretentious non-answer now?”
Julius flinches the smallest bit, lowering his gaze. Despite his uncouth way of putting it, Subaru has a point. He can hardly expect an answer if he refuses to give one himself.
Subaru blows his breath out in a huff, pulling his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. The action leaves him looking smaller than usual, and a good deal younger. A spotting of blood still stains the edge of his hand from where he’d treated Julius’ arm.
“Yeah.”
Subaru’s answer is whispered so quietly, Julius almost misses it over the steady pouring of rain from outside their cave. He stares at him intently. Subaru doesn’t meet his gaze, but Julius would be blind to miss the haunting look of misery that crosses his expression. For a moment, Subaru looks as if he’s about to cry, despair etched so deeply into his face, you would think he knew nothing else. It strikes something painful in Julius’ chest, pulling at an emotion he didn’t quite know he possessed.
Subaru shakes his head, and the expression is gone, erased in the wry edges of a smile.
“I mean, about as much as any other does.”
Julius dips his head. “I suppose I deserve that one.”
“Yeah you do,” Subaru says, but his tone is playful. “Sorry, but you aren’t getting any of my pathetic backstory today. Gotta be at least like, friendship level twenty to unlock that mess.”
Subaru’s usual way of speaking is mostly lost on Julius, but it’s enough to convince him that he holds no genuine anger. Julius still finds himself frowning.
Contrary to the other’s belief, Julius does not think Subaru is pathetic. He has his moments, of course, as Julius has borne witness to himself, but on the whole, he is quite the opposite. He’s hopeless with a sword, but he carries needle and thread and knows how to stitch wounds together as easily as Julius knows how to cut a person in two. His demeanor is brash at best and he struggles with the smallest displays of decorum, yet he reaches out to people as easily as others would brush them away. There’s something profoundly different about Subaru from anyone else Julius has ever met.
More and more, he’s realizing it’s the kind of difference he may like.
“I must strive to work my way up those levels, then.”
Subaru starts, then studies him with narrowed eyes. Julius must pass some unseen test, because his eyes soften, crinkling at the edges. It’s a smaller smile than Julius has ever seen on Subaru’s face, yet it somehow feels the most genuine.
“Yeah, well you got a ways to go, so start climbing.”
It’s a caustic and over-assuming response, as is Subaru’s nature. But it doesn’t escape Julius that Subaru fails to deny that he does hold a position of friendship, however low. Nor does he rule it out as an impossibility.
Perhaps, whenever he does reach that level, Julius can return the gesture as well.
For now, he allows them to lapse into silence, the quiet sound of rain as it grows lighter echoing through the cave. It isn’t an uncomfortably awkward pause this time, or a tense kind of silence that leaves Julius wondering how Subaru is choosing to curse him in his head this time. Rather, it’s the kind of silence that reminds him of late nights spent sitting with Reinhard, or Felix. Companionable, in an unfamiliar but not unwelcome way.
Subaru would explode into denial were he to voice such thoughts, Julius thinks with amusement.
Or perhaps not, he muses, as he glances in his direction.
Subaru’s head is wavering, eyelashes fluttering as he jerks his head up, forcing himself awake. Julius watches the cycle with amusement, Subaru’s eyes growing heavier with each time his head slips. He turns his gaze back to the misting rain outside the cave, fighting back a yawn of exhaustion himself as he leaves Subaru to succumb to his own weariness in peace.
That is his mistake.
A sudden weight presses against his shoulder. Julius goes utterly still, then slowly turns his head, careful not to cause much movement.
Subaru’s head rests against his shoulder, dark hair brushing against the edges of Julius’ neck. Julius blinks once, and finds the sight unchanged.
Subaru’s eyes are closed, of course, his breathing deep and even in sleep. There is no other way this would ever happen, Julius reminds himself.
It is still a situation he’s wholly unprepared for. Even the battle against the archbishop of Sloth, the two of them linked by Nect, was more familiar ground than this. Julius finds himself utterly caught off guard. He isn’t used to this kind of contact, from anyone at all, much less Subaru. It’s far too vulnerable, too trusting. Maybe it’s only because Subaru is as tired as he looks, but—
He’s very warm.
Julius stares at the slack form pressed against his shoulder, and he’s hit once again with how very little he’s ever been prepared for Subaru. Time and again, since the moment he met him, not once has Subaru ever failed to throw him completely off guard.
It’s infuriating.
It makes him want to smile.
Julius forces himself back to the present, confronting the problem at hand. He could, of course, shake Subaru off. He could move just enough to rouse him, and save them both a good deal of embarrassment later.
That would require waking Subaru, though, which seems cruel. He looks peaceful, in a way he never is around Julius, and he doesn’t want to ruin that. He’s only returning the kindness Subaru showed him earlier, isn’t he? And the more he looks at Subaru, the more he wants to join him in sleep. Unconsciousness sounds endlessly preferable, right now.
But that is… a bad idea. If they were to both fall asleep, it would be a terrible lapse in judgement. Not only would it put them in danger, leaving them vulnerable to any attack from enemies, but it would leave them utterly defenseless to any of their allies who are undoubtedly tracking them down this very moment.
Julius isn’t sure whether the idea of witch cultists catching them by surprise is any more frightening the Felix catching them asleep on each other like this. Or Reinhard — he’d never tease them, but oh, would his knowing smile be insufferable. And that isn’t even beginning to touch upon Subaru’s own reaction. While his arm may not be particularly strong, Subaru possesses a vicious tongue and a voice capable of reaching the furthest corners of the kingdom.
He also possesses a very warm presence. And oddly soft hair. Not that Julius reflects upon such things, but now that his own head is drifting downwards, on top of Subaru’s, he’s simply making the observation firsthand.
Truly… a comfortable position. It wouldn’t hurt, Julius thinks, to close his eyes for a brief moment.
That is his second mistake.
“—found them, they’re alright! I — oh! Oh, wait, shhh. I think they’re sleeping.”
Quiet footsteps rouse Julius from the light slumber he’d fallen into. He can faintly hear other voices in the distance, but one in particular sounds quite close. And dreadfully familiar.
Julius cracks an eye open, catches a glimpse of Lady Emilia’s beaming face, and shuts it again.
At least it isn’t Felix, he consoles himself.
“I saw that,” she whispers. “I know you’re awake. Is Subaru alright?”
Despite her smile, there’s a tense note of concern in her voice. Julius nods, carefully as he can not to wake Subaru. He’d rather things not get any worse, at the moment.
“I believe he may have hurt his ankle, but only a minor sprain, if anything. Nothing too terrible.”
“Dunderhead,” Emilia murmurs, but she looks relieved at the answer. Her eyes go soft as she looks at Subaru, and she reaches a gentle hand to brush back a lock of hair that’s fallen over his eyes. Julius feels uncomfortably as if he’s intruding. Perhaps he should fall asleep again.
“And you?”
He blinks his eyes open, realizing he let them drift closed. “I am alright,” he murmurs. “Thanks to your surprisingly domesticated knight.”
“Oh, you’re both so silly,” Emilia says. “I’m glad you’re friends. But you both look terrible.”
Julius pauses. “It is… infectious,” he mutters.
“Friendship, or looking terrible?”
Ah. Felix is there after all.
“Subaru,” he finally says. “He’s a rather infectious person.”
“Stop talking about me like I’m a damn disease.”
Julius tenses at Subaru’s voice. To his surprise, he doesn’t move from Julius’ side, nor does he open his eyes.
“Subaru?”
“I’m pretending I don’t exist. If I don’t exist I don't have to acknowledge this reality.”
That, Julius decides, is possibly the best decision of how to handle the situation. Subaru does have his moments, occasionally.
They end up pretending the entire incident doesn’t exist, for both their sakes.
But Julius keeps the torn scrap of jacket, washed free of blood. No one living or dead will pry a reason why from his lips, but—
He keeps it anyways.
It’s infectious, like that.