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Pain, an unbearable amount of pain ran through his body, and all voices around him turned into white noise. He was sure a bunch of slurred words were falling from his lips before a cry of pain cut them off.
In the midst of all the ache, he couldn't help but think.
When was the last time he cried?
In all those years since being promoted to a harbinger, Tartaglia never shed a single tear. No, Tartaglia never shed tears himself, but his enemies did. Big fat tears would roll down their battered faces, pleading with hoarse voices for mercy and more often than not, on their knees in prayer. But Tartaglia was no god nor he had mercy upon his enemies or anyone that dared stand in his Tsaritsa's way.
"Please, I-I, all I ask is to live. I promise I won't stand in your way anymore" they would plead, their faces a mess of tears and snot, trembling with fear. He smiled at them and saw a small glint of hope rise in their eyes. Like always, their pleads fell on deaf ears and met their end at his blade.
All Tartaglia did was shed blood.
Childe didn't cry either. The outgoing and charming persona he carefully crafted was just that, a young man who would often charm people in passing with his boyish grin. Throwing compliments here and there, paired with his killer smile, was all it took for someone to lower their guard around him. Compared to Tartaglia, Childe was friendly and brought a false sense of comfort.
Childe was also the persona he would bring around whenever he went home. In some twisted reality, he thought that perhaps if he didn't fall into the abyss when he did, he would have grown into someone as friendly and outgoing as Childe, his meek self nothing but a distant mirage. No matter how many gifts and how many smiles he brought, his parents still rejected him and looked at him with fear as if he was a monster.
And somewhere deep within his chest, it hurt, it hurt so much, like a spear tearing into his heart.
Yet, despite everything, Childe never cried.
But Ajax did, his old meek self had cried. He remembers the last time he shed tears, it was the day he welcomed the abyss inside him. With Skirk watching from afar and a dagger in his trembling hands, tears rolled down his cheeks. Ajax was afraid of both the beast he was facing and the whispers that infested his head. From the very first moment, his feet touched the soil of the abyss, there was a small voice in his head relentlessly urging him to hurt, to destroy, to kill . By the start of the second month(or so he thought, being surrounded by pure darkness gave him a skewed sense of time) the number of voices increased. What used to be a singular voice turned into two, four, ten, fifty, a hundred, he didn't even know, all he knew was that it was driving him crazy. Ajax feared he would end up becoming insane if he surrendered, so he cried, and sobbed in fear of what he would become.
But Ajax was tired, tired of desperately hanging into the last thread of his sanity. No matter how hard he tried, Ajax succumbed, and oh did he relish giving in to urges. With each slash of his dagger, laughter would bubble within his chest. The sight of blood alone gave him a sense of pure unadulterated satisfaction.
It was intoxicating, almost addictive.
That was the day Ajax died, all liveliness in his eyes gone, leaving nothing but an empty shell of what sweet Ajax once was. A child whose only purpose was to kill.
Given away by his parents, he detached himself from others, although he longed for a friend, for someone to lean on, for a family that loved him.
But a monster like him could never be loved.
Or so he thought.
With his eyes squeezed tight, another wave of pain crushing through his abdomen brought him back from his thoughts. There was sweat clinging uncomfortably to his skin, his auburn curls stuck on his forehead as he tried to breathe in more air. And with a groan and the last push, there was relief, oh so sweet relief.
A cry had him opening his eyes.
"Congratulations, the baby is a healthy boy" Madam Ping announced, holding his baby for him to see.
Oh
He could feel himself melt at the sight of his son as Madam Ping approached him and carefully handed him the baby. Careful to hold the neck, Ajax cooed at how cute his son was, with round cheeks and an adorable little nose. He has my nose . He couldn't help but giggle while lacing his fingers through the little hair his son had. Ah, he has the same hair as Zhongli . Ajax heard his husband shuffle closer and felt Zhongli sit beside him, an arm around his shoulder while his tail wrapped both him and their baby.
"He has horns and a tail like you" although not as big as his father's, they were there, little nubs growing on the crown of his head.
Madam Ping ushered all the other adepti out of the room. Let's give the Lord and his wife some privacy . Some of them complained, wanting to stay and see the baby, Could Retainer being the loudest one to complain.
His frame trembled as he felt emotions build up inside his chest. A small part of him was cheering in happiness at the sight. Zhongli pulled him closer and began rubbing his shoulder in comfort, whispering sweet things into his hair.
Ajax shivered and looked at his husband.
Zhongli's amber eyes were brimming with affection and adoration, they were looking at him as if he was a precious treasure. His eyes were full of love.
His breath shuddered and his cerulean eyes were glossy with emotion. Ajax shifted attention to his son and caressed his soft cheeks with his finger, tracing his delicate features until the baby stirred. Ajax stopped his ministrations and observed how his little son rubbed his cheeks against his finger and used his tiny hand to hold it tightly, a small smile painted on his adorable face.
Perhaps it was the pain of labor that made him hazy, it didn't feel real. But, the warm touch of his husband and son were real, it made his heart tumble and twist, pure joy and happiness blooming inside his chest.
His eyes stung.
He felt so, so, so loved by both of them.
Plop, plop .
All the walls around Ajax's heart crumbled into pieces as he allowed himself to be vulnerable. Ajax was crying, crystalline tears rolling down his cheeks.
A monster like him wasn't meant to be loved, Ajax reluctantly accepted that fact. He believed he would die alone on the cold battlefield with no family to grieve for him, without anyone caring about him. No one to remember him.
Ajax could only wish to be loved, to have a family.
Yet, here he was, tightly wrapped in Zhongli's strong arms, holding their son. He was proved wrong.
He could be loved.
He was loved.
Trembling and sobbing, Ajax held their son closer, feeling Zhongli's hands on his face, gently cupping his cheeks.
"You did well, qīn ài de '' his sultry voice soothed him and he vaguely registered Zhongli's thumbs lovingly wiping some of his tears away before peppering kisses all over his face. He giggled when his husband's nose nuzzled against his cheek, purring when Ajax turned slightly and rubbed their noses softly.
With his eyes full of life and gratitude, Ajax placed a soft kiss on Zhongli's cheeks "Thank you for everything Zhongli, I never thought there would be a day where I made a family of my own, so thank you"
"You deserve this and so much more, Ajax" holding his hand, Zhongli gently kissed his knuckles " Qīn ài de , there is nothing I wouldn't do in this world for you"
"Even eating raw octopus?"
"That's–"
"Hmm?"
Ajax laughed at his husband's pale face before kissing the tip of his nose "I might be cruel, but I wouldn't do that to you, lǎo gōng "
Zhongli furrowed his eyes before chuckling quietly, his tail tightening the hold around them before purring loudly, clearly pleased of his use of ‘lǎo gōng’. Shifting slightly, Ajax moved one of his hands to hold Zhongli's cheek, pulling him down and meeting their lips in a loving kiss. Immediately, his husband reciprocates the kiss leaving him breathless by the utter affection and adoration lacing his lips.
He smiled into the kiss and felt Zhongli doing the same.
In the pure bliss of the moment, Ajax couldn't help but think just how lucky he was to have Zhongli by his side, to have given birth to his adorable and precious son. He couldn't believe how lucky he is to have this .
Ajax made sure to etch this happy memory into his mind, like a single golden carving into a piece of broken stone.
A golden memory he will forever treasure.
A golden treasure.
Golden, huh?
"Hmmm, Zhongli?" leaning into his husband's chest, the ginger holds one of their baby's small hands.
"Yes, my love?"
"What do you think about the name 'Jin' for our son?"
"Jin, as in gold I presume"
Humming and nodding, Ajax looks up at Zhongli with a soft smile "Gold is precious and often coveted as a treasure and like gold, our son is precious, he is our treasure"
"It's perfect, Jin is perfect, my Ajax '' with a small cry, their son tightens the hold on his finger, and his little smile blossoms into a bigger one, almost looking pleased with his chosen name.
"Looks, like he likes it" both of them chuckle looking at Jin as if he were the rarest and most precious thing in this world.
Ajax slumps slightly, exhaustion from the labor finally catching up to him. Yawning, he can feel himself being pulled into Zhongli's lap.
Slowly losing consciousness, the ginger asks "Do you think Jin would like to have a little sister?"
"Ajax–"
"I'm sure he would be a great older brother, hmm?"
He can faintly hear Zhongli laughing in the background, his chest vibrating with the low timbre of his voice "I'm sure he would be"
"I've always wanted to have a big family"
"That can be arranged, my dear"
Pleased with the answer, the ginger sighs in contentment "I love you, Zhongli"
"I love you too, my Ajax"
A kiss on the forehead is the last thing he felt before drifting to sleep.
For the first time Ajax clawed his way out of the abyss, he cried.
He cried his first tears of happiness.