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Loneliness was a strong emotion, and one that overcame the young lord’s heart. Glassy eyes bore out the window, their color seeming lighter from the snow’s reflection, as Jin took in the winter scenery that surrounded his uncle’s castle.
It had been months since Ryuzo had left.
The two were growing older, now becoming men, and Ryuzo had expressed to Jin on an evening in July that he no longer believed he could continue to grow at his side.
Jin, a boy who had never been deprived of many desires, gave his blessing to his companion that day and expressed his hope to see Ryuzo return. Jin awaited Ryuzo’s response, but the other boy remained silent.
It wasn’t as if silence was unwelcome between the two. It was something they often comfortably shared. However, a goodbye was foreign.
Jin’s vision began to blur. The cause became evident as he saw his own tears falling in large pearls upon his kimono, darkening the yellow fabric in flecks. Jin tried to suppress how he felt, he tried to assert control over himself; but he imagined that having your most precious possession taken from you was intended to hurt this much.
Jin inhaled deeply, biting back the sob that threatened to spill, but his racing thoughts and emotions seemed to vanish as a hand reached over to grab his own.
Though startled at the sudden contact, Jin melted into the feeling.
“Jin,” Ryuzo soothed, his voice low, steadier than usual. Jin raised his head from its downward position and slowly turned it to look at the other boy. Jin loosened his grip on his hakama, giving Ryuzo the opportunity to intertwine their hands further.
“I have a feeling that no matter what, the kami will always return me to your side.”
Jin’s body joined in silence as the sounds of the world around him dulled. He heard almost nothing more than his own breathing, and felt almost nothing more than the tears which spilled freely down his reddened cheeks and Ryuzo’s sweaty palm which pressed against his skin.
Ryuzo’s eyes darted to the side, but quickly hardened upon an undetermined point on the horizon.
“Are you going to say anything?” Ryuzo sighed into the thick summer air, trying his best to not look at his companion for fear that he might turn back on his words.
“Sorry,” Jin laughed through his tears. “It’s not like Ryuzo to deliver such a poetic line.” Jin raised his free hand to dab the wetness from his cheeks.
“I’m a man now!” Ryuzo proclaimed. “A more mature personality only makes sense.” He pouted at Jin’s teasing, but looked as if he had more to say. “Will you wait until then?” Jin tilted his head to the side at Ryuzo’s question, pursing his lips as he prepared a response.
“Until the kami return you to my side?” Jin asked softly.
“Until then.” Ryuzo confirmed.
“I’ll wait a day longer than that, just in case you sleep in.” Ryuzo smiled at Jin’s words.
Things were easier when Ryuzo was there.
Jin inhaled deeply as he let the memory return to his heart. Soon, he would have spent two seasons without Ryuzo.
Though Jin never failed to dedicate the proper amount of diligence and dedication to his tasks and training, he often wondered where Ryuzo’s work was taking him.
During the summer of their parting, Ryuzo had piqued the exact attention he had been hoping for. A visiting lord had observed Ryuzo’s duel in a tournament and extended an invitation for the boy to return with him to the mainland.
Entering the service of a lord, it was noble, and at the very least seemed to make Lord Shimura think differently of Ryuzo.
Jin laughed at the thought. As differently as his uncle could think of the ‘demon child.’
The young lord returned his attention to the brush and paper in front of him. The afternoon was supposed to be spent preparing a poem to share with the jito’s guests that evening.
Yet he had once again become lost in thoughts of his dearest friend.
Jin lifted the brush. Perfectly weighted and made with the finest fibres. Aunt Matsu was keen on such details, and it had been a wonderful gift.
Absent-mindedly, Jin began to write.
Deep within a dream
wandering souls guided home
centuries rejoice.
Jin set the brush aside as he gazed upon his work, though his thoughts drifted again.
He would make sure that he prayed for Ryuzo’s return when the new year came. Although it hadn’t been long since the other’s departure, Jin feared the kami would forget to return Ryuzo to him.
𓃥
Jin sat by still waters, under the red-leafed tree that watched over Omi Lake as well as he and his uncle’s sparring ring. Jin spun the stem of a fallen leaf between his fingers, taking in its color before he allowed his eyes to fall closed.
Twice he had prayed for Ryuzo’s return. The first was the winter after he had left, the second was a year after that. Now the third was approaching.
Jin had many things he wanted to share with Ryuzo.
His friend would be in disbelief to hear Jin had defeated an entire group of bandits on his own. In fact, Jin was beginning to build quite a name for himself across Tsushima.
Only becoming of the boy who had received the shogun’s blessing to be adopted as Lord Shimura’s son. Jin would one day be the jito of Tsushima.
Jin sighed, freeing himself of his wonders. There was no way to share these things with Ryuzo, much like there was no way to place flowers at a grave he could not find. With another sigh, Jin reminded himself not to doubt his friend.
‘竜.’ Ryuzo shared the divine beauty of dragons, as well as their strength. Jin assured his heart that the world would not be so cruel as to put Ryuzo on the one path Jin could not follow.
‘三.’ Three. Jin looked for signs in small places, and he hoped that this one pointed toward their third year apart.
Jin would pray again when the coming new year arrived. He would remind the kami of Ryuzo’s words. He would pray and hope that the warm spring breeze would guide Ryuzo back to his side, as it always seemed to guide himself.
He had many things he wanted to share with Ryuzo, but more than anything he wanted to tell him that he loved him.
𓃦
When next spring arrived, there were many days that Jin’s heart led him to lay where he and Ryuzo shared their parting words. So he did, when life allowed.
Jin rested against Nobu’s blackened body as he counted the clouds. He wondered if any had seen his departed companion on their journeys.
His eyes felt heavy more frequently as he grew older, but his mind struggled to stop thinking even as sleep crept up behind him.
Jin was born to nobility and that was how he wished to remain. However, he couldn't help but wonder what life would be like if his days remained carefree and had his father not been so intent on raising a warrior.
All of these things would be easier if Ryuzo were there. It was just like him to only be found in dreams. He never ceased to cause trouble.
Cool brown eyes traced the boughs of the tree above, before finally giving in to the embrace of the soft breeze. Oddly, Jin felt as if he was being lulled to sleep in a parent’s arms.
He assured himself that he wouldn’t spend a large amount of time resting before returning to the castle, but a little would surely be fine.
In his light state of sleep, Jin leaned into a warmth that he felt gathering at his side. It felt familiar; though as familiar as it was, his heart began to feel heavy with sadness and longing.
It was dreams like this that Jin hoped to wake from quickly. He stirred, pinching his eyes shut as he leaned away from the caress upon his cheek which urged him to wake up. Jin’s resistance slowed to a stop as he began to process that the touch upon his face was real.
Jin’s eyes fluttered open, growing wider as he stared at the sight in front of him. His lips parted, setting free what felt to be the last breath in his lungs.
“You are very endearing when you’re half asleep, Lord Sakai.” Ryuzo’s eyes were soft, enjoying every second in which they gazed upon the picture of beauty laid before them.
Jin’s expression remained unchanging until he threw his weight forward, wrapping his arms around the neck of the other man as their bodies crashed to the ground. The grass cushioned their fall as much as it could, but Ryuzo still felt the air pressed from him as he fell.
“Careful,” Ryuzo laughed. “You wouldn’t want to startle Nobu.” Ryuzo returned the embrace, his arms wrapping themselves tightly around Jin’s body.
“You’re back.” Jin expressed, in disconnect to Ryuzo’s words.
Jin tried to take in Ryuzo’s every detail, quickly overwhelming his senses; still they yearned for the sensation. His scent, his warmth, his soft hair. It was exactly as Jin had been dreaming of for the past three years.
“The kami operate on their own schedule, I apologize profusely for their delay.” Ryuzo’s words were quickly followed by a hiss as Jin’s fingers tangled in his hair, pulling playfully. “Bad joke?” Ryuzo questioned, earning a chuff from Jin.
Jin wanted to ask why Ryuzo had returned, and Ryuzo had his own want to explain. It would be simple for Ryuzo to express that he had been offered the opportunity to accompany his lord on a visit to Tsushima. As it was Ryuzo’s home, it was assumed he would quickly accept.
Simple, yet other words clouded both of their minds.
“I love you.” Jin spoke, almost blurting the statement out. He wondered if Ryuzo’s eyes would widen in shock when he finally got the chance to tell him, but the other man’s expression seemed to be something different.
“I love you too.” Ryuzo responded. The words came easily, as did the kiss which Jin pressed to his lips soon after he spoke.
It was almost funny that something Jin had been preparing to tell his friend for years was accepted effortlessly and without explanation, not to mention returned. Jin breathed a laugh into their kiss as it deepened.
“I love you.” Jin said again in between kisses, the joy the statement brought him was unlike anything he had ever felt.
“You already said that.” Ryuzo teased in a hush tone, pressing another kiss to the corner of Jin’s mouth.
Jin’s body jolted as his mind took a moment’s rest from the flood of emotions that were drowning out the world around the two of them. The sky wore a much deeper color than when Jin had closed his eyes.
“How long have I been asleep?” Ryuzo’s smile widened at Jin’s words as he recalled how peaceful he looked when he arrived.
It was the wind that seemed to push Ryuzo to that spot, when he learned that the lord had rode out earlier in the day.
“Lord Shimura will be more than happy to point the blame for your absence at me, don’t worry. Of course I would keep Lord Sakai from his duties.” Jin swatted Ryuzo’s chest as he made such a remark about his uncle. “Something I’ve never felt any guilt in doing, may I add.” Ryuzo feigned injury as he pressed a hand to his chest, blocking any further blows from Jin.
Jin acknowledged to himself that it would be wise to return after spending such a long time away, but instead he lowered his body, pressing himself against Ryuzo. Again, Ryuzo wrapped his arms around the other man.
“Ah,” Ryuzo breathed. “But I suppose you’re Lord Shimura now as well.” He spoke against Jin’s hair as they laid together in the grass.
“You heard?” Jin inquired further, his breath warm on Ryuzo’s skin.
“We’ll have time to speak about it later.” Ryuzo dismissed the question. Jin took no offense, instead he fondly remembered Ryuzo’s childish dislike for his uncle.
“Right.” Jin smiled.