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If someone asked Akira to describe Akechi’s apartment, he would say that the place was extremely neat and tidy.
So much so, that the first time Akechi invited him over for some coffee and a game of chess to enjoy that cool evening of spring, he thought the brunette had just moved in from how new everything seemed. Even the smallest of details were shining as if they’d never been used, with a living room in complete order, a kitchen without a stain and a house almost completely rid of dust. Just as good as new.
If he were being honest, Akira’s first impression of the place was that no one even lived there. A vacant house looking for someone to occupy it even if that someone already existed within it. And if that thought, and the fact that Akechi never (not even once) referred to his own apartment as home, made Akira feel a little bit broken inside, he never said a word.
Akira grew to love the place nonetheless, even if the coziness it brought was in the form of overly cleaned surfaces and barely used couches, which is why, on one of his many visits, he felt such confusion when he found that box.
The box in question, seemingly hidden in the far end of Akechi’s organized closet, was not only big (big enough to fit a person, Akira thought) but also the only thing that looked out of place because of its worn out appearance. The cardboard that made it had clearly been folded many times and the corners were all crumbled or torned out. Its bottom looked a bit scratched too.
Akira stared at it for a whole minute in complete silence.
Even if he reminded himself that it was rude to pry on other people’s belongings (specially Akechi’s), he found himself leaning forward in pure curiosity, wanting to find out what secrets did the misterious box hold away from the world, away from his eyes. However, upon further inspection, he opened the top only to find it completely empty.
Without being able to help himself, he let out a disappointed sigh.
When he returned to the living room with a blanket under his arm, which was the reason why he had been searching around the closet in the first place, he looked at Akechi’s calm demeanor and watched as it slightly broke when he mentioned his discovery.
“Why do you keep such an old box in your closet?” He sat down next to the brunette and handed him the blanket, which the other accepted after getting over his surprised appearance.
“That old thing?” His voice sounded slightly strained. “Oh, I keep it for packaging purposes.”
Akira watched as the other unfolded the blanket and covered both of them with the soft material, waiting for the other to continue, which Akechi did not.
At least not until the silence between them stretched for far too long, enough to become uncomfortable, and the raven kept looking at the other with an expectant stare, because he couldn’t just believe that his boyfriend, the one who owned the cleanest apartment in all of Tokyo, just owned an old box in the back of his closet like it held secrets never meant to be seen by anyone for “packaging purposes”.
Akechi sighed with a slight frown decorating his pretty face when he saw that the other wouldn’t relent until given a little bit more info on the subject, “When I was young, my mother told me that forgotten things, objects we no longer need or want, go into boxes and are sent somewhere where they might be loved or needed again by someone else.” The brunette looked away before chuckling to himself while looking at his fingers. “I guess it stuck to me since then, so I always keep one nearby.” Ah, now Akira felt a bit guilty.
“Oh, then I guess you still haven’t gotten tired of anything around here!” Akira giggled, trying to soften the mood with a playful smile.
Akechi’s face morphed into a confused expression, “What do you mean?”
“The box is empty.” He decided to add right after, “Sorry for looking without permission, by the way.”
Akechi stared at him with empty eyes for a second before shaking his head as if saying he didn’t really mind. He gave him a smile, but it didn’t seem to reach his reddish eyes at all.
The conversation about the box ended right there.
(…)
It was a cold winter evening when Akira received a concerning voice message.
He had been watching cooking videos (for future references), hidden away in the warmth of his bed, when he received a message from his boyfriend.
The voice message lasted for barely ten seconds but the raven wasn’t even given enough time to listen to all of it, only the first three seconds and those were the sound of chocked sobbing, because said message was suddenly deleted.
Akira was used to this, as Akechi constantly battle with himself when he needed to reach out for help, and yet it didn’t soothe the anxiety suddenly rushing all over his body no matter how many times this happened.
He got up from bed and tried to call the other but it seemed Akechi had turned off his phone if the monotone voice responding to him was anything to go by. That just made dread hit him with full force. This meant Akechi needed help now.
He quickly got his bag and the set of the aparment’s keys the brunette had given him in case of emergencies, and rushed to the station, impatiently waiting for the train and silently praying that Akechi was alright.
Twenty minutes later, Akira found himself fumbling with the keys and barging inside the apartment in a cold sweat, his voice echoing through the empty living room he was met with.
He abandoned his bag and keys in the entrance, closing the door to search for Akechi throughout what seemed to be a very empty apartment, making him even more worried and question if Akechi had gone out somewhere else and he was just loosing precious time.
When he reached the bedroom, at first it looked as vacant as the other rooms judging by the turned off lights and the in order appearance which made him feel more desperate and even slightly nauseous. However, the sound of a very low-sounding cry made him scan the room once more.
“Akechi?” Upon raising his voice in concern, trying to figure out where the brunette might of hidden himself, the cries quieted for a second only to come right back up but now they sounded strained and muffled, as if not wanting to be heard.
“Akechi, it’s just me, Akira.” He tried to sound as calm as possible, even if his voice sounded a little out of breath. The only answer he got was a sob.
The raven turned towards the sound, facing the just barely opened closet door. He got closer and gently pried it open, letting out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding upon spotting who he was looking for. And as soon as that breath was out of his mouth, it got right back in with a sharp inhale of air when he noticed just where his boyfriend was hiding.
In the back of the closet, hidden from the eyes of the world, was the old box he had found the other day, and inside of it, barely visible because of the loosely closed top, was Akechi, all curled up and trembling inside the flimsy piece of cardboard.
If the boy had noticed his presence, he didn’t do anything but continue his quiet crying as Akira stood there for a second trying to process the situation.
The explanation Akechi had given him about the box during that day struck him like lightning and the need to comfort and to take care of increased by an infinite number at the raw showcase of such vulnerability by the brunette, even if unintentionally.
Akira, slowly but firmly, made his way inside the cramped space until he hovered over the box, opening the folds on top further until he was met with non other than Akechi, hugging his knees and rocking himself back and forth as a means to calm himself down. Or so Akira assumed.
“Akechi.” Even if he called his name, the other did not look up and instead gave out a broken sob. Akira wanted nothing else than to hold him close.
“Akechi…” He tried again, but didn’t try to touch the other. “Can you hear me, darling?” He knew his boyfriend was weak to pet names, and he also knew they helped him come out of his unsafe headspace whenever he got in too deep.
Akechi still didn’t look at him, curling further into himself (or at least tried to), and made a sound that got closer to a whimper than anything else. Akira bit his lip with worried ayes.
“… Goro?” The name had an immediate reaction, which was a visible full body shiver from the brunette, who forced his cries to come to a stop by clamping his mouth shut.
Very slowly, Ake- Goro raised his head to look at him and Akira’s heart broke into millions of pieces when he saw the hurt hidden behind those beautiful ruby like eyes. He leaned slightly forward but relented when the other gave him a shaky ‘no’ with his head, his eyes filling with panic.
“Okay, okay, I won’t come any closer.” The yet wasn’t said, but both of them knew of its existence, like a promise of comfort for later, creating kind of a safe bubble around them. Goro instantly relaxed.
“…” A minute of stillness fell upon them as the brunette blinked away the rest of his tears, with the soft encouraging whispers Akira kept repeating to help him stabilize his breathing echoing around them.
They stayed like that for a bit, and only when Goro’s shoulders finally sagged, like a puppet having its strings cut, did Akira move forward to hold him close, pulling him out of the overused piece of cardboard and sitting him on his lap as fast and comfortably as he could, completely engulfing him in a warm hug.
Goro didn’t return it, but he certainly snuggled as close as possible, not only because of his need for touch but also because he was only wearing a thin pajama and was probably very cold. He did feel cold to the touch, making Akira almost crush their bodies together, as if trying to melt them into one sole being.
As soon as his boyfriend nestled his face in the crook of his neck, Akira heard a string of apologies being constantly cut by broken sob after broken sob, alerting him. He cradled the back of Goro’s neck with one hand and circled his waist with the other, trying to touch as much skin as possible to provide that soothing contact he knew his boyfriend needed but was too afraid to ask for.
“My Goro, my precious treasure, I love you so much, you know?” Genuine praise fell from his lips one after another, some more cheesy than the rest but eaten up by the other nonetheless, who increased his sobbing a bit and apologized some more.
Akira held him throughout the duration of it all, cramped in that tiny space, rocking himself a bit until the cries came to a stop and only the soft sound of calm breathing filled the closet, meaning that Goro had finally relaxed.
After a few minutes where the raven hummed quietly a lonely tune, Akira looked over his shoulder and found the brunette with his eyes closed, his cheeks still holding the last of his tears, completely asleep. He kissed all of them away, wetting his lips in salty drops.
With as much care as he could, he carried Goro out of the tiny closet and laid him on the bed as soon as they were out, pulling up the blanket on top of both of them when he got in as well. He held the brunette close and kissed his forehead, letting him sleep in his arms, where he was safe.
He could ask about everything else when Goro woke up, but for now, this was all he needed and wanted.