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“What, you think killing these men will stop your attraction? Save you from hell?” Hotch bangs his fist on the table. “Do you think that killing innocent men is-”
“They’re not innocent!”
It takes every ounce of his self-control not to hit the man right then and there. Instead, he leaves the interrogation, ignoring his team as he walks out of the precinct. Cases targeting gay men have always gotten to him. He’s tried to hide it in fear that his team will catch on, but the overt religious symbolism of these kills was too much for him.
He leans against the wall, trying to block every memory that threatens to surface.
Aaron’s mom had picked him and his friend up from school for a sleepover. Both of the boys were beyond excited. “Go play,” she encourages with a smile. “I’ll order pizza around six.”
They both thank her before running up the stairs to his bedroom. They play with his legos for a bit, building and destroying towers. A few Six Million Dollar Man action figures join the mix, and though Aaron can’t quite remember what he said now, his friend said something about how he finds Steve Austin hot, like he should find the Bionic Woman.
Aaron stills. He hadn’t really thought about Steve Austin before, but now he has, he supposes his friend is right. He then thinks that his friend is much better looking than any of the girls in their school.
His friend blushes at the compliment and says, “I wanna kiss you.” He’s so quiet that Aaron is not entirely sure he heard him correctly, but he leans in any way. He’s never kissed anyone before, but he wants to kiss Daniel. He knows Daniel has kissed Chloe before because he kissed her on the cheek at her tenth birthday party.
Daniel leans in too, letting his lips ghost over Aaron’s. The two pull away quickly, but the blush on their cheeks and matching grins are enough to let anyone know what was going on.
Aaron smiles at that memory, though he knows that comes next.
Daniel and Aaron “date” throughout the rest of elementary school, even through the beginning of middle school. That is until their three-year anniversary. Looking back on it, the whole thing is rather juvenile.
They had begged their parents for a sleepover, using the fact that Daniel’s parents were retiling their kitchen and the smell of the renovation making it hard for him to sleep there as justification for the two to end up back in Aaron’s room.
“I got you something,” Aaron says, holding up a poorly wrapped present.
Daniel smiles, holding up his own gift for Aaron. The two exchange presents, opening them up at the same time. They both gasp. Daniel holds up a new Steve Austin action figure, and Aaron dumps a jar of quarters on his bed, inspecting each of them.
Daniel laughs, calling him a nerd before thanking him. Finding a coin that he’s been looking for for ages, Aaron wraps his arms around the boy, pulling him in for a kiss.
That, of course, is when Aaron’s father decides to check on them. He opens the door to see his son kissing another boy.
At first, he doesn’t say anything. He just stands in the doorway. He steps away for a moment, before coming back with a bible and rosary. Aaron quickly pulls away from Daniel, cheeks bright red. He wants to cry before anything even happens.
“Go home,” his father says to Daniel, who leaves without his new action figure.
Aaron visibly shakes himself out of the memory, shaking his father’s grasp off him, shaking his words out of his mind.
“Hotch, are you okay?” Morgan asks.
“Yeah,” he answers without an ounce of conviction, “I’m fine.”
“We got a confession out of the guy. They’re booking him now.”
Hotch nods.
Morgan gives him a pat on the back, telling him to come in whenever he’s ready before heading in himself.
Aaron decides that he is never going to kiss another boy because it must be wrong if it made his dad so mad. Even though he doesn’t particularly want to kiss a girl, if that’s what’s right, then that’s what he’s going to do.
He settles on Haley Brooks. She’s pretty, popular, blonde, everything that would make his father happy. He joins the play, citing his interest in her as the reason why. He is certain he did not join because Evan Harris was playing the lead. Smart, funny, handsome Evan Harris.
He stays with her through the rest of high school, claiming he’s happy enough. And, he is. She’s nice. They get along well. He’d say she’s his best friend. Since she is happy with him, he sees no reason not to propose to her. She agrees and the rest is happily ever after for them.
“Happily ever after,” he whispers. “Happily ever after.”
“I just don’t get it!” she exclaims, and he can feel his marriage falling apart. “I mean, I’d get it if you didn’t want to have sex at all, but you’re masturbating! It’s like you just don’t want to have sex with me. Are you cheating on me?”
“No,” he tries to convince her like he has been throughout this fight. “I promise that I am not cheating on you. I would never cheat on you.”
“Then what is it!”
He looks at the floor and answers with a quiet voice. “I don’t know.”
“Don’t lie to me, Aaron.”
“I’m not.” He is.
She huffs as his phone rings, letting them both know that this conversation is over.
He begins to think maybe the unsub is right. Those men, if they were anything like him, were decidedly not innocent.
The only boy Aaron had ever kissed ran away. Since then, Aaron convinced himself that not only was he broken for kissing a boy but also that no one else would ever want to be with him. The only girl Aaron had ever kissed left him because he wasn’t enough for her.
He tries to work up the courage to date again, maybe even date a man like he’s always wanted to, but he can’t. It all becomes too scary. He turns the car on and leaves the club before he even steps inside.
He knows his team is worried about him, but he can’t bring himself to come in and face their questions. How was he supposed to explain what happened without outing himself? How was he supposed to face his team if he did?
“Aaron?”
Of course, it’s Dave. The one whose reaction he feared the most. Dave, who never missed a mass. Dave, who treats Aaron like a friend. Dave, who has been Aaron’s protector since the moment he started at the bureau.
“Do you want to talk?”
He shakes his head. “I’m fine. Just needed some air.”
Not believing him, Dave leans on the wall next to Aaron. “You’re gay.” It’s not a question, and though Aaron doesn’t hear any judgment in his voice, he can’t be sure, so he stays quiet.
“You don’t have to say anything. I just need you to know that no one in that room cares about your sexuality. We just want to make sure you’re okay.”
“I’m sorry,” he finally whispers.
“No, no,” Dave chastises. “We shouldn’t have left you alone with him. We should have noticed that you were uncomfortable. We’re sorry.”
“I have a boyfriend,” Aaron admits, taking the time of honesty to share something he’s never said out loud, this time with something resembling a real, healthy friendship. “I’m gay.”
Dave smiles. “What’s his name?”
“I’m Tom,” the man introduces.
“You’re Aiden’s dad, right?” Aaron’s sweaty palms are just because there’re twenty kids at his house. Why else would he be nervous?
“Yeah. Thanks for having us. I’ve met Jessica a few times, but it’s nice to finally meet The Aaron Hotchner.”
Aaron chuckles. “It’s great to meet you, too. Jack’s always talking about Aiden.” He looks over to where the two boys are playing. The two seem to be in charge of a game of circus. Jack, since it’s his birthday, is the ringmaster, while Aiden is the lion tamer.
“Y’know,” Tom starts with a smile, “since our sons get along so well, maybe we should try to get to know each other.”
Aaron smiles widely. “Maybe we should.”