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It wasn’t even that they had planned it. It’s just that one night, at 1:03 AM on April 16, at one 24/7 Walmart, fourteen eyes locked onto one another. It felt like that one Spiderman meme, Ema thought to herself as she locked eyes with Simon from across the way. It’s just that the only people who were pointing were Athena and Apollo.
It was somehow a seven-way stop. Just entering was Klavier, hooded up and stock-still in surprise; in the aisle waiting for her shit to be scanned was Kay; Simon was on his way out, his cart almost colliding with the fop’s; Apollo was walking down the aisle away from the dairy section, and Athena had just turned the corner of the toiletries aisle from beside Ema.
No one spoke for a solid minute. The cashier scanning Kay’s items noticed the thief's sudden pause and looked up tiredly. They opened their mouth to say something, read the room with suddenly wide eyes, and looked back down.
The first to speak was Apollo, as always.
“You!”
“ You! ” Athena’s voice had an unusual undertone of venom in it. Widget shone a deep red at her neck. Ema winced. As another uneasy silence arose, Ema took a look at everyone’s basket, craning her neck around the side of the snacks wall. She noticed with a hint of surprise that Apollo and Athena both had the same strangely-shaped box in their cart, under a pack of yogurts and fertilized soil respectively. Simon’s cart had birdfeed in it, as well as a giant bird who looked pissed at just being woken up. She couldn’t quite make out what Kay had in her cart or being scanned, but she supposed that was for the better.
“You said you had already gotten her a gift!” Apollo sounded betrayed. “My bracelet didn’t even react in the slightest !”
“You have no place to talk, little man!” Athena practically snarled. Ema nodded. Apollo was a good 4 inches shorter than anybody there, even with the hair, and he probably couldn’t even deadweight a child. Not that deadweighting a child had much to do with the ongoing debate, but just by looking at Athena, she knew that if the fight got physical he’d have no chance whatsoever. The red defense attorney recoiled as Athena continued. “ You told me you had gotten the gift a long time ago!”
“Yeah, well… I did get a full-length mirror a long time ago! So long ago that when I tried to take it off the wall today it was stuck! So when I finally got it off the wall, I fell over and dropped it and it broke!”
“You were getting her a mirror? She already has one of those!”
“Well, I didn’t know that!”
“You’re her fucking brother!”
“You’re her fucking sister!”
“You should--”
“No! Stop avoiding it. You said you had already gotten her a present, right? Where is it, huh? Is it in your cart? How could you have already gotten her a present if you’re about to buy one?”
“Well, I got her one last year! I got her a present last year! So, yeah, I’ve already gotten her a present.”
“That’s not even how it works!”
“Your bracelet doesn’t seem to agree with you, though!”
“At least I had--”
“Stop.” A voice rang out, followed by a screeching bird. “Just… stop your bickering. Both of you. I cannot stand it. Taka was having a nice rest and your insolent screeching roused him. It is one in the morning. Keep your voices down ,” he hissed.
“Amen,” Ema muttered, eyes wandering to where Kay’s eyes were wandering to the bird. The scientist squinted. The lone cashier had noticeably disappeared behind the check-in counter.
It was quiet again before the faintest whisper of “squawk!” came from Kay’s mouth. Everyone turned to look at her. Simon turned to the door and began walking out.
“Where do you think you’re going, old man?” Athena demanded. Simon slowly rolled to a stop before glowering over his shoulder.
“Out.”
“I’ll bet you don’t have a present for her yet, either.”
“Correct.” He continued walking as the sliding doors automatically opened to make way for him. Ema assumed they would have done that even if they weren’t automatic. The man was scary when he wanted to be. His foot was almost out the door when Kay spoke up once again.
“Can I pet him? Please?”
“Simon? No, he bites,” Athena warned.
“No, the bird! I need to pet the bird.”
“No,” Simon answered, not turning around. Finally, Klavier spoke up.
“Herr Samurai, let the Fraulein pet the Vögelchen.”
“Taka and I are going home. Refrain from asking such foolish questions when we are in such a rush.” Ema watched in amazement as Taka glared at his partner, lept out of the basket with a great beat of his wings, and landed on the cash register in front of Kay. The employee and Kay squealed, though one was notably more out of fear than the other.
“Squawk!”
Taka stared at the Great Yagatarasu blankly until the thief finally decided to give up her attempt at communication and instead began scritching at his head. Simon’s jaw, in what Ema could assume to be the only moment in his entire life, dropped to the floor.
Ema would admit, it was a beautiful moment. The way Taka, cooing, leaned into Kay’s gentle touch was something straight out of a Disney princess movie. The way Kay cooed back in somehow the exact same tone was noticeably less of a Disney princess-esque procession of events, but even the forensics scientist could admit when there was magic in the air.
“Taka,” said Simon Blackquill, almost petulantly. “Taka, please.” And he was begging now. Ema pinched herself but— oh, no, yeah, she was definitely awake. It did not feel like it, but she was absolutely awake.
“Who’s the cutest little bird ever?” asked Kay as she ran a hand along the hawk’s back. “Me! I am,” answered Kay, imitating what Ema could only assume was what she thought Taka sounded like.
“H-hey! Woah! What the hell?” Apollo squealed, dragging Ema’s attention begrudgingly back to him. Athena was wrestling the weirdly shaped thing that had previously been in his basket out of his arms.
“Let— go—!” Athena argued, shaking the box like a dog toy. Apollo was thrown to the ground, and he hit the tile with a pained yelp.
“What’s the big idea?” he whined, standing back up and rubbing his buttox in exasperation. Athena removed the haphazard covering and gasped.
“You stole my idea, you freak!” she exclaimed.
“Thieving rapscallion!” supplemented Widget at her neck.
Ema stared blankly at the smoke machine in Athena’s arms.
“How sweet of them, ja?” interrupted Klavier as he rolled his cart past the defeated Simon Blackquill. Ema looked at him, so incredibly unsure on what to feel. “They just wanted to get Fraulein Trucy a nice gift. I was coming in here to do the same thing, actually.” He held up his shopping list for Ema to look at. She shoved it out of her face and rammed her forehead into the handle of her basket.
“You can’t all get her a smoke machine!” Ema cried.
“Faraday Dono, I demand you unshackle my bird from whatever curse you have placed on him,” Simon Blackquill said as he discarded his shopping cart and began encroaching on the bird and the human bird.
“Coochie coo!” Kay babbled to the satisfied bird as she rubbed his chin.
“Pets are not allowed in this Walmart,” argued the register operator meekly, but they were promptly ignored.
“Get your own idea!” snapped Apollo as he stomped angrily. He looked like he was having a tantrum, as all toddlers do when they’re out past their bedtime.
“This was my idea! It was my idea first! You barged in here and decided to steal my idea!” Athena argued, equally as childishly. But her stomps were more intimidating.
“She already has a fucking smoke machine!” Ema interjected irritatedly, looking up from the handle of her cart.
“Stay out of this!” barked the two attorneys at law. Ema shut her mouth and lowered her head once again.
“… She does?” asked Klavier dejectedly. Ema groaned.
“Yes.”
“Since when?”
“Since last year. When I got her the smoke machine!” Ema snapped. To her dismay, two heads whipped toward her.
“You stole my idea, too?” choked out Apollo.
“No. I literally gave it to her last year. Are you two dumb?”
Athena noticeably deflated, loosening her chokehold on Apollo.
“Oh.”
“Taka, this behavior is inconceivable,” spat Simon Blackquill.
“I think he likes me!” Kay exclaimed as Taka balanced on her head.
“Crush her head between your talons,” Simon Blackquill ordered desperately.
“Awwe, good birdie!” cooed the detective as the hawk on her head settled more comfortably.
“Squawk!”
Simon Blackquill’s eyes widened. “Don’t say such things, Taka. Come home, now. We shall rest, and you will be freed from this sinful hold.”
“Squawk!” echoed Kay. She carefully ran her smoke machine under the register and bagged it. Ema’s jaw dropped.
“You have to be kidding me.”
“I was wondering why the smoke machines seemed to be out,” mused Klavier, who had somehow left her side and come back within the few seconds she was distracted. “Now I can’t get the Fraulein a good present,” he sighed dramatically.
“I just told you that she already has one!” Ema cried deliriously. “I’m here, right? People can see me? And hear me?”
Klavier looked at her like she had grown another head. “Ja?”
“And there is a literal custody battle over a bird going on at the register?”
“Ja?”
“And Apollo and Athena were about to throw hands over a birthday present that Trucy doesn’t even need?”
“Ja?” Klavier said it as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
Ema paused, taking in the scene before her through an insider’s lens. That didn’t change anything, so she tried an outsider’s lens. That just made it worse. She went for a benevolent god’s lens, and even then she was tempted to smite that gods-forsaken 24/7 Walmart. Instead, she marched over to the self-checkout line next to the bird custody battle and swiped herself out. Apollo, Athena, and Klavier all looked lost now, peering around the store for something that may make Trucy excited to receive. In all honesty, Ema was sure Trucy would be just as happy if they just brought themselves with or without a gift, but she sure as hell was not going to try and drop a Dr. Seuss moral when she was a few steps away from freedom.
And freedom she got— until a few hours later when she finally arrived at the Wright Anything Agency only to be met with Trucy sitting upon what could only be described as a harem of smoke machines.
“I got one from everyone! Klavier, Simon, Daddy, Polly, Thena, Kay… Did you bring one, too?”
“Ema! I get Taka on the weekends! Isn’t that so exciting?”
“Skye Dono, that young girl is mighty convincing. She should be a lawyer instead of a thief.”
“Ja, I went to another store afterward and found one left. It’s a shame everyone had already gotten one for her, though!”
“Ema, why does your heart sound so discordant? It’s Trucy’s birthday! You should be happy!”
“It wasn’t like I had any other good ideas— h-hey! Why is my bracelet so tight… and why are you smiling like that?”
“Squawk!”