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“Hyung, do you want to go star gazing with me?” Jisung called from the kitchen as he put the last plate on the dish rack, wiping his hands on the rug beside him. Jisung furrowed his eyebrows when he didn’t hear any answer. “Hyung?” He called again and met with silence, heart beating so fast, he ran from the kitchen to their room just to bump into Mark. “Sung, what in the world-” Mark’s voice came out raspy on Jisung’s ears, his cold hands on Jisung’s shoulder to anchor him from tumbling forward. Jisung heaves, releasing the breath he didn’t knew he was holding, bringing his trembling hands on Mark’s face, running his thumbs on the dark skin under the older’s eyes that won’t go away no matter how long he sleeps through out the day, his hollow cheeks that Jisung couldn’t fill up no matter what Jisung cooked or learned from Jaemin nor Donghyuck or whatever vitamins the older took every meal and his pale lips that no matter how many times Jisung tried biting Mark’s lips to give a little color it doesn’t stay for a few seconds. Mark said it was fine and smiles, kissing Jisung as a thank you for his effort.
Jisung breathes as Mark wrapped his hands around his waist looking confusedly at him. Jisung broke into a smile before shaking his head. “It’s nothing Hyung.” Jisung whispers giving Mark’s cheek a kiss. “You sure?” And Jisung nodded before pulling Mark to their living room. “Do you want to go stargazing with me hyung?” Jisung asked again, helping Mark to sit besides him, patting Mark’s back while the other catches his breath. Jisung waits patiently as Mark inhales another lungful of air before slumping against his side, face on Jisung’s neck as puffs of air came out of Mark’s mouth to regulate his breath.
“Sorry Ji, just a few minutes, okay?”
“Take your time hyung” Jisung murmurs kissing Mark’s temple, swaying them side to side slowly while Mark’s breathing slowly evens.
“Yeah, I would love to baby” Mark answered after a few minutes, Jisung felt the ghost of his smile against his neck.
Jisung winds his arm around Mark as they slowly stood from their couch, it’s a strenuous activity for Mark, Jisung felt the older arms trembling trying to push himself from the couch, Jisung asked if he’s okay and he received a pale smile. They slowly walked towards the porch behind their house, Jisung carefully sits Mark on the swing just below their kitchen window.
“It’s a clear sky tonight hyung” Jisung started, pointing the different constellation he could find to Mark who just hums under his breath. Jisung casually talks about his subjects and activities he done to Mark giving the older an animated representation of what his teachers is teaching them in laboratories. Jisung hears Mark chuckles from time to time, adding his thoughts throughout their conversations, jumping from topic to topic to another and he smiles to himself because Mark is enjoying himself but Jisung also hears every breathy inhale, the ragged breathing of the older whenever he speaks at least four words just so he could engaged with Jisung.
They have been outside for an hour, their conversations consist of anything that would popped in their minds, from Renjun apparent beef with Yangyang, the 3yrs old kid he babysit every weekend to Jeno finally, finally asking Chenle on a date.
“That’s nice, Jeno and Lele finally together” Mark said, his voice came out croaky and hoarse, inhaling mouthful of air just so he could replace what he exhaled when he uttered a sentence, it made Jisung heart twinge with pain before biting his lips to stop a pain whimper clawing his throat.
“Yeah” Jisung mumbles as Mark wrapped his left arm around Jisung’s waist and dropping his head on Jisung’s shoulder. Jisung reached his right hand to hold Mark’s right hand on his hands, fingers dancing on Mark’s bony fingers, the skin is dry and hard to touch but Jisung held tight, feels every callouses Mark has on his fingertips from playing the guitar, the guitar that is currently gathering dust in their cabinet because Mark couldn’t lift heavy objects anymore without his arms trembling or needing oxygen mask the next minute.
“Jisung ah” Mark called slowly.
“Yes, hyung?” Jisung answered, his voice barely there but it feels like he shouted, it rings on his ears, his hands busy mapping Mark’s hand on his.
“I’m sleepy” Mark wheezes and it made Jisung froze before smiling, he felt Mark squeezes his hands on his.
Jisung hums, biting his lips from a sob bubbling on the back of his throat.
“You can sleep hyung. I’ll be here” Jisung replied, willing his voice steady, looking away from their hands holding each other to gaze at the sky.
A few seconds passed, Jisung blink the wetness in his eyes, not looking away from the sky.
“Are you already asleep hyung?” Jisung questions.
“Yeah” Mark answers, Jisung couldn’t hide the chuckle he breaths as he move his head on top of Mark’s head.
“Liar” Jisung breathes through the night and Jisung doesn’t need to look and see that Mark is smiling.
Jisung heard the car pulling, and Jaemin’s voice followed by Jeno, Donghyuck, Renjun and lastly Chenle but he didn’t answered when they called for them.
“They’re here” Mark croaked.
“I thought you’re sleepy hyung” Jisung teases, squeezing Mark hand on his, so tight that he could feel Mark’s bones shift on his skin.
“Not yet…I still want to hear your voice”
“Then I won’t talk anymore” Jisung chided making Mark groan on his shoulder.
Jisung counted slowly before humming under his breath to a song Mark likes, it doesn’t take long before Mark is humming too. Mark exhales before Jisung hears him says.
“Goodnight Jisung ah. I love you”
It took a few seconds for Jisung to answer back before he says.
“I love you too hyung. See you tomorrow”
Jisung couldn’t stop the tears that slides down his cheeks from his eyes to Mark’s hair, he wants Mark to say “see you tomorrow” like he always does before they sleep but nothing.
“Are you already asleep hyung?” Jisung rasped out, hearing the sliding door opening from his right.
“You really fell asleep hyung” Jisung choked out wetly, holding Mark’s limp hand on his, he could feel Mark’s grip on his waist slowly losing it’s strength but still there, an anchor to keep Jisung from crumbling down.
“Just sleep hyung, I won’t wake you up again.” And Jisung didn’t stop himself from the sob that escape him, not noticing the footsteps coming from the house.
“I’ll be here when you wake up” Jisung sobbed, the corner of his lips trembling before kissing Mark’s crown, wrapping his arms around Mark to cradle the older against his chest, humming under his breath, closing his eyes as he lull the older to sleep, arms tight around the older’s body, Jisung clinging on Mark’s body heat against him.
Jisung didn’t know how long they’ve been sitting but when he open his eyes, Chenle is crouching infront of him, looking at him woefully with tears clinging on his eyelashes, he eyes forward and he sees Donghyuck hugging Jaemin to his chest while Renjun is clinging to Jeno as he rub his back.
“Jisung ah, let’s go inside?” Chenle smiles at him, his hands on Jisung’s face, wiping the endless tears streaming down Jisung’s face. Jisung shakes his head, making Chenle drop his hands from his face.
“Che-chenle…Lele” Chenle hears Jisung gasps, his bestfriend trembling infront of him, slowly crumbling before his eyes. Chenle watches Jisung’s arms pulled Mark closer before he shudders a breath and wails into the night, Mark’s name spilling on the younger’s lips. Chenle pulled himself up before circling his arms around Jisung while the younger calls for the love that was cut too soon to feel, his supposed to be lifeline getting taken from his own hands. Chenle held Jisung through it.
Renjun froze mid step when he saw Jisung hugging Mark closer, the tears sliding down the younger’s face, biting his lips to keep his sobs at bay. He hears Jeno gasping before a sob was heard but he didn’t knew from who and Jaemin’s quiet “Oh no” from his left. Chenle walked past them, kneeling infront of Jisung who was trembling from the emotions he’s trying to trap inside. Renjun could hear Donghyuck comforting Jaemin, hears Jeno crying from his right and a sob from somewhere. He didn’t know it was his until Jeno pulled him and Renjun let himself break on Jeno’s chest.
Jaemin called as he opens the door to Mark and Jisung’s house, and they were met with silence. Donghyuck walked towards the living room, Jeno to the bedroom and Chenle to the kitchen. The owners of the house are nowhere to be found. Jaemin walks towards the porch where Renjun is standing with the sliding door open. Jaemin could hear the creak of the swing from the other side of the house. Renjun was the first one to step into the night followed by Jeno, him, Donghyuck and lastly Chenle. They round towards the other side of the house. Jaemin sees them sitting on the swing just below the small kitchen window on the other side, his hand on the air to wave when Renjun and Jeno stops infront of them, Jaemin walks forward before he hears Renjun sobs and looks closely and sees Jisung pulling Mark to his chest as he trembles from sobs wrecking his body. Jaemin gasps “Oh no” upon realisation before he feels his cheeks getting wet and Donghyuck pulling him into a hug.
Donghyuck hears it before he saw it, the way Renjun chokes up a sob and Jeno whimpering just ahead of him. Donghyuck let his eyes wander to the people on the swing just a few meters infront of them. He could see Mark’s smile despite his pale complexion and hollow cheeks, the older still have that sweet and genuine smile on his face while Jisung kisses Mark’s hair and sobs on the older’s hair that Donghyuck let himself cries not because he’s sad but because Mark finally found peace after years of war within himself. And Jisung is his haven, his peace that Donghyuck has wanted to be for the older but Donghyuck knew that he will not be the peace that Mark found in Jisung.
Jeno gasps when he saw Mark’s limp body on Jisung’s arms, Chenle kneeling infront of the younger before Jisung’s wretched sobs ring through the night. Jeno’s heart clenched painfully as he watched Jisung wails on Chenle’s arms, Mark’s name repeatedly called out.
“Hyung” Jisung called, Mark’s warm body is slowly fading and Jisung clings just a bit more, just a bit more to feel the star he came to love so many years ago, just to be with Mark a little longer, just for a second.
The night ended with a shooting star crossing the sky, so bright and beautiful lighting the dark night as the moon hides between the clouds.