Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Stand down, Feral Cat!! You have nowhere to go!” Birdgirl exclaimed as she cornered the villain-of-the-week at the end of a dark alley. Dressed in a tabby-striped jumpsuit and cat-eared goggles, Feral Cat faced his foe with unrestrained vigor.

“Then I guess I’ll just have to go through you!” Unsheathing claws from his gloves, Feral Cat pounced at Birdgirl, knocking her to the ground. Now the two were locked in a vicious embrace, hitting and slashing in an attempt to subdue the other.

“Ow ow ow! Watch the face!” Birdgirl yelled, grabbing Feral Cat’s arms and restraining him as much as she could.

“Just give up!” Feral Cat snickered, “you’re making me work more than I need to for such a lackluster superhero. If I can even call you a superhero.”

Birdgirl gasped, “how dare you?! I am a superhero!”

“Oh please, you don’t even have any powers,” Feral Cat eased his attack, raising an eyebrow.

“That’s… that’s not true! Or… well, I have gadgets that give me powers. That counts!”

“No it doesn’t.”

“Yes it does!”

Sighing, Feral Cat noticed Birdgirl’s grip in his arms loosened. Good, he could use this.

“You call yourself Birdgirl, but you do nothing with the gimmick. You can’t even fly!” Feral Cat laughed mockingly.

Birdgirl couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “I can fly! I have special boots but… they don’t always work. I can never seem to figure out-”

Before she could finish, Feral Cat grabbed her by the belt and launched her into the wall of a brick building. Birdgirl collapsed to the ground with a groan, struggling to get up.

“Like I said… lackluster wanna-be superhero. Why even bother with calling yourself Birdgirl? You’re just a regular girl!” Feral Cat chuckled as he backed away. “Now, if you don’t mind, I have evil villain stuff to do. Ciao!” With that, he was gone.

Alone in the darkness, Birdgirl pouted. It wouldn’t do her any good to take what he said seriously. And yet…

…

The following morning at Sebben & Sebben, Judy sat in her enormous office with the same pout on her face. Sitting at her desk, arms crossed, her thoughts of last night continued to mull over in her head. She had been Birdgirl for years and never once felt so humiliated at the thought of others, let alone a villain, thinking she was a lame hero. She had bested so many before Feral Cat, some even more of a threat, and it’s with him of all people that bested her ? Ridiculous!

Judy buzzed on her desk intercom, “hey uh, Gillian?”

“Yes, Judy?” replied the light-voice of her dedicated secretary.

“Can you bring me, like, a hundred chocolate cookies? And thirty muffins? And… I don’t know, two gallons of wine?” Judy requested in a depressed voice.

“I’m on it!” Gillian quickly spoke, ensuring that the measurements would be exact. 

Judy sighed, hiding her head in her crossed arms.

“A hundred cookies? You planning on sharing those?” 

Judy was startled to find her friends and co-workers Meredith and Charley at her door, giving her smirks.

“Oh… hey guys. I’m not in the mood for visitors right now,” Judy frowned.

“What’s wrong? You know you can tell us anything,” Meredith reassured, walking over and placing a warm hand on Judy’s back.

“Yeah, and you’re the CEO so, technically that’s in your job description,” Charley grinned at her own humor.

Judy took a deep breath, looking at her friends. “Do you think Birdgirl is a lame superhero?” 

“What?! Who told you that? Was it Jessica?” Meredith, shocked, knocked a fist into an open palm. “I’ll beat her ass!”

“No, just some villain I was fighting. He said I had no powers and that I was… regular,” Judy explained, her demeanor very frustrated and sad. 

“Oh my god, screw him! He probably doesn’t even have powers himself,” Charley scoffed.

“Yeah, why even give him your thoughts? This isn’t the Judy I know,” Meredith added, comforting her friend with a circling hand to the back. “The Judy I know would pick herself back up, look at herself in the mirror, and say ‘I am the best damn superhero ever!’”.

Judy couldn’t help but smile at that. “You guys are sweet. But I just can’t help feeling like he has a point! I mean, Meredith you have mind-taking powers; Charley you’re super strong; but what do I have? I’m a Birdgirl who can’t do anything a bird can do!”

“I thought you started being Birdgirl only because of Birdman?” Charley questioned, “both your outfits are so similar.”

“Yes, but that’s not the point! How am I supposed to stand-out as a hero if I can’t even do what my persona implies?” Judy placed her hands on her temples, groaning.

At that moment, everyone’s phones buzzed. Dog with Bucket Hat had just sent them a text informing them of a meeting in 5 minutes.

“Oop, time to go. This is supposed to be an important discussion today,” Judy stood up, ready to leave, but not before Meredith and Charley placed a hand on each of her shoulders.

“Listen, it’s never a bad thing to try something new or explore further possibilities in your endeavors. But always know that you stand-out to us,” Meredith expressed.

“We got you, girl,” Charley smiled.

“Thanks guys,” Judy replied, very appreciative.

Not long after the women left, Gillian returned to Judy’s office with a huge basket of treats and wine.

“Judy! I got the… oh. Aww man.”

…

Dog with Bucket Hat stood at the head of the table giving his presentation.

“It would be imprudent if I did not inform you all of some terrible news,” Dog said in his deep voice, “Sebben & Sebben has been dealing with a string of deadly encounters as of late. With a significant number of casualties daily.”

Everyone gasped.

“Goodness gracious, whatever could be the problem?!” Judy yelled, hand to her mouth.

“May I present exhibits A, B, and C?” At that, Dog tossed out three dead songbirds in the middle of the table. Everyone recoiled.

“Oh, damn, what the hell?!” Charley shuddered.

“That’s right. Sebben & Sebben has been experiencing a near constant barrage of seemingly suicidal birds that keep slamming into the building. Brian and the rest of the waste department can only handle so much, and we can’t afford to keep using up our resources to clean up a carpet of dead birds every day. That’s why I’m looking for someone to solve this dilemma. Any volunteers?”

The idea of dealing with dead birds didn’t sound like an appealing prospect for everyone in the room, which led to much surprise when Judy bluntly raised her hand.

“I’ll do it?” Judy spoke up.

“Really? This isn’t exactly CEO material Jude. You don’t have to participate,” Dog assured Judy out of respect.

“No no, this is the perfect assignment for me,” Judy replied. “My thoughts are kinda going crazy right now and maybe doing something that will help save lives will be good?” 

“Alright, fine by me,” Dog shrugged, “but you don’t have to make it sound more dramatic than it is: they’re just birds.”

…

Back at her office, Judy set up her laptop. She figured that this would be a fairly easy task.

Munching on one of her many cookies (Gillian made sure no one so much as took a crumb without Judy’s permission while she was away), Judy pulled up a search engine.

“Now, all I have to do is type in ‘how to stop birds from flying into a building’ and then it’s off to work!” Judy cheered to herself.

But before she could press enter, her internet shut down and sent her to a blank page.

“Wha?” Judy blinked, checking things out. Her wifi was down!

“Hey Gillian,” Judy spoke into the intercom, “can you fix the wifi for me?”

“Sorry, Judy, I’ve lost wifi too. Seems like there’s a city-wide outage at the moment.”

“Oh that’s just great!” Judy leaned back on her swivel-chair and placed a hand to her temple. This was the absolute last thing she wanted to happen… well, there are worse things that could happen but this was still pretty bad.

Glancing over at her ‘to sort’ box, Judy noticed a small brochure for the local natural history museum. On the cover were a pair of taxidermy owls.

Clicking her tongue, Judy picked up the brochure. “Guess I got to do things the old-fashioned way.”

…

Judy walked up the steps of the massive marble building that was the museum, looking around wide-eyed at the scale. It wasn’t a place she frequented - maybe the occasional burglar-heist she thwarted - but it was never on her radar to go there ‘for fun’ or to get information. She figured maybe Meredith would be more into that.

Upon entry to the main hall, Judy spotted a help-desk with a museum member behind it. 

“Excuse me?” Judy asked, a bit shyly. 

The woman behind the help-desk, sporting a dark short-sleeve shirt and a cap, looked up at the red head and gave a pleasant smile. “Hello, welcome to the museum! Did you have a question?”

“Um,” Judy scratched her head, “yes. I was hoping to get some information about birds?”

“Birds, huh? A fascinating group of animals!” she beamed, “but that’s a pretty broad topic. Anything in particular you were interested in finding out?”

“Well, we’ve been having some trouble over at my company… birds keep flying into the windows and hurting themselves, and we don’t know why or what to do about it,” Judy explained.

The woman immediately frowned, “oh dear, I’m so sorry to hear that. A common problem really. Birds have difficulty seeing through glass because of the reflections they produce. They think they see trees and try to perch on them.”

“Wait, really?” Judy was taken aback, “that’s crazy. Their eyesight must not be very good.”

“On the contrary, birds have excellent vision. They can see in color, ultraviolet light even. But the problem is how their eyes are placed on the side of their heads: they can get a wide angle view of the world but there is little overlap to sense depth,” the woman explained.

“Huh, makes sense… wait, did you say they can see in ultraviolet?” Judy’s eyes widened.

“Indeed,” the woman giggled, “it was actually discovered in the 1970s by accident when researchers were studying pigeons. Most birds, save for nocturnal species, can see patterns on their feathers that we can’t see. If you think a parrot or a finch is brightly colored now, wait till you shine a UV light on it!”

Judy was immediately impressed with what she was hearing. “Hey, do you give tours? You seem to know your stuff.”

The woman blushed, “well I did study ornithology at university… yeah I’m available for tours if you’d like to wait: I have a tour scheduled for three hours from now.”

Judy’s expression dropped for a bit.

“But,” the woman giggled, “I can make an exception with a personal tour. You seem like you’re desperate.”

Laughing nervously, Judy clasped her hands together, “I wouldn’t say desperate but my curiosity is definitely piqued.”

…

The two women stepped into the semi-crowded Hall of Birds of the World, which featured a vast array of stuffed birds, skeletons, and other displays. 

“Holy crap that’s a lot of birds,” Judy eyed the room over, dumbfounded.

“Well there are only about 11,000 species of birds… but probably more like 18,000 or so. We have a fair sample of all that diversity here in the museum,” the tour-guide, Phoebe, said. By now, Judy was well-acquainted with her name.

“So it seems. I didn’t know there were so many varieties,” Judy replied, “I guess I haven’t paid enough attention to notice.”

“Don’t beat yourself up about it; lots of people living in heavily-developed areas don’t get the opportunity to experience bird biodiversity,” Phoebe replied, waving her hand as she talked, “a good place to start is a local park. There’s a better chance for birds to find food and shelter there.”

The two of them stopped in front of a display featuring flamingoes.

“Oh man, I love these guys!” Judy grinned, “they always look so delicate when they stand on one foot like that.”

Phoebe giggled. “They do, don’t they? But don’t be fooled: flamingoes are tougher than you might think. They’re commonly found in waterways that are very salty or even boiling hot, and they can stand or drink from that same water with ease.”

“No shit?” Judy’s eyes widened, “how can they do that without getting sick?”

“Ah, good question! That’s something we’re still studying at the moment. We do know that flamingoes have special glands that can filter out salt from their nostrils, but beyond that… zilch.” 

“What do they even eat that can live in water like that?” Judy asked.

“Flamingoes are filter-feeders: they take in tiny crustaceans and algae through their bills, using their tongue like a suction pump. Inside the mouth are tiny serrations that separate the food from the water. Similar to how most ducks feed.” 

At that, the two shift to an exhibit on waterfowl.

“Aww, ducks are pretty cute,” Judy commented, “I’m always impressed with how comfortably they can float on the water.” 

“Their feathers are very adapted to aquatic life,” Phoebe explained, gesturing to the mounted ducks. “Ducks secrete an oil from a special gland in their tail that they spread around their feathers to make them waterproof, and on top of that their feathers are linked in such a way as to trap air inside them.”

“Wow, that’s amazing! It’s like they have little floaties in their feathers,” Judy noted.

“Indeed! All birds have a system of air-sacs as part of their respiratory system. They help enhance their body’s intake of oxygen by making it flow in a one-way direction to their lungs and even into their bones. In fact, birds have hollow bones that allow space for more air-sacs!” Phoebe grinned. “Cool right?”

“It’s very cool! I had no idea,” Judy was taken aback. “That must make birds very light animals.”

“So much so that many species have had to evolve ways to work around that when feeding,” Phoebe began, leading Judy to another display with several species of seabirds. “Take these cormorants for example: their feathers are semi-permeable. So they’re able to get wet enough to allow them to sink deeper into the water in pursuit of the fish they like to eat, but not so wet that they can’t float back up to the surface once they’ve found something.” 

Phoebe continued, pointing to a large stuffed emperor penguin, “or you can be like a penguin or a loon and just… evolve denser bones without air-sacs inside them. These are very specialized aquatic birds.”

“Obviously, considering they’re flightless and can swim very well,” Judy added, smirking.

“Excellent observation Judy,” Phoebe grinned.

“Thanks,” Judy chuckled.

Turning away to another exhibit, Phoebe did a little jump in excitement, “ooh, these are my favorite birds: the swifts.”

“Gosh, they’re so tiny,” Judy commented, “and look at those wings! They must be excellent fliers.”

“They’re some of the most capable fliers of the bird world,” Phoebe elaborated, “they can spend their entire lives on the wing, with some species flying non-stop for months on end.”

“How on earth can they do that?! Don’t they get tired?” Judy asked.

“Well, swifts use very little energy when flying,” Phoebe clarified, enjoying Judy’s surprised expression. “They’ll sometimes flap their wings but often they rely on air currents to carry them to their destinations. And if they need to sleep they can do so on the wing as well, taking little ‘power naps’ that can take up to a few hours while they glide.”

“Amazing…” Judy took a couple steps away and took a firm seat on a nearby bench. Giggling, Phoebe sat next to her. 

“It’s a lot to take in, I know. Birds are an endless source of fascination,” Phoebe said.

Judy took a deep breath, “you can say that again. They can do so many things… it’s like they have superpowers! I’m a bit envious.”

“I know that feeling,” Phoebe commented, “wouldn’t it be convenient if humans could soar through the air like a vulture to get where they needed to go? Or if we had pouches on the sides of our bodies to carry babies like a sungrebe?” 

“I don’t know about that one… I’d maybe hold some snacks in there,” Judy snorted.

The two shared a laugh in the relatively quiet hall. 

Just then, Judy had an epiphany. These birds could teach her so much… maybe this was what her persona needed?

…

The following night, Feral Cat ran down an empty city street, clutching a suitcase close to his body. He had just successfully robbed a family’s savings fund and was on route to stash it away. He looked around for any signs of Birdgirl, and was pleased to see how easy this was going.

“Looks like she got the message,” Feral Cat chuckled. “I’m running this town.”

I’m running this town .

Feral Cat perked an eyebrow. He could’ve sworn he heard someone.

“Hello? Who’s there?” he called.

Hello? Who’s there?

There it was again! But… that voice sounded just like him?

“Alright, don’t play games with me, whoever you are!” Feral Cat snarled, holding his suitcase tight. “Show yourself!”

Completely oblivious to him, Birdgirl was hovering not far away, having waited for the right time to strike. She appeared to float with super-fast, twisting wings like a hummingbird.

“With pleasure,” she whispered to herself, before diving through the air and launching right into him! Feral Cat was knocked to the ground so fast the wind was momentarily taken out of him. His suitcase went flying into the street.

“Whaa-what?! Birdgirl?!” he yelled, clenching his fists at the site of the woman overpowering him. He tried to move but it appeared her shoes now sported massive grips that held him in place by his clothes.

“You like my boots? Inspired by songbirds! You know they have special tendons in their feet that lock automatically onto branches? Who knew?!” Birdgirl taunted, her face happy as ever.

“How did you even find me?!” Feral Cat growled, “how did you manage to surprise me like that?”

“Well,” Birdgirl laughed, “I made a few upgrades to my suit. My helmet and mask are equipped with the super eyesight and hearing of owls! They have a special disk of feathers around their faces to help localize sounds, so, I incorporated that. That made seeking you out a synch! And I’ve coated my suit in a layer of velvety down to help reduce noise as I fly through the air, which is also an owl speciality! No wonder they’re such formidable hunters!”

“Okay, are you done with the lecture? Get off of me!” Feral Cat exclaimed, before he frantically looked around. “Oh wait, my briefcase! Where is it?!”

Birdgirl spotted the object with ease, sending out her hand and releasing a sharp grappling hook to snatch it. 

“Wha?” Feral Cat was amazed at what he saw.

“I know, right? I designed this little baby after herons. They have super fast reflexes to help them catch fish. Or in my case, catch someone’s valuables,” Birdgirl hooked the briefcase in her hand and wasted no time apprehending Feral Cat.

“Now, let’s put you somewhere where our law enforcement can find you… hmm,” Birdgirl coddled, taking the incapacitarted villain and climbing up the side of a building like a nuthatch. Slamming him against the brick, she used a special glue-gun inspired by swifts (they can make nests out of their saliva, but this uses a more easily obtained glue) and stuck Feral Cat to the wall.  

Feral Cat struggled to move, but to no avail.

“And by the way…” Birdgirl looked him square in the eye, “I am not a lackluster wanna-be superhero… I’m Birdgirl, and don’t you forget it!”

With that, she backed away and made a quick phone call, perfectly mimicking Feral Cat’s voice..

“Hello, police department? This is Feral Cat, I’ve attempted to steal someone’s belongings and I’m currently tied up over at the corner of 5th and West Street, thanks to Birdgirl, who is a super amazing and wonderful superhero who is perfect in every way and has great hair. Thank you!”

Feral Cat did a double-take, “how did you…”

Birdgirl turned to him and smirked, “lyrebirds… excellent vocal mimicry abilities.”

…

That morning, Judy oversaw the installation of new windows all across Sebben & Sebben, changing them for new laminated glass with a special UV coat. That way, birds would have a much easier time seeing the building and steering away from it. 

Dog with Bucket Hat strolled up to her, sipping his coffee. 

“I gotta hand it to you, Jude, you did good solving this case. You should be proud. I know I am.”

“Thank you,” Judy smiled warmly, “did you know about a billion birds die by hitting glass every year? Here’s hoping our work here will help make a difference.”

“Hmm, I didn’t know that. A real shame,” Dog commented. “Their eyesight must not be very good if that many collide with windows.”

“Actually, birds have excellent eyesight. They can even see in ultraviolet light,” Judy replied. 

“Really? That’s amazing,” Dog’s eyes widened, “I had no idea.”

Judy grinned, “there’s a lot more to birds than you might think. They’re nature’s superheroes!”

…

The End!