Work Text:
Prompts: I come barring a prompt! DRLAMP with platonic creativitwins, of course
so, Logan has these files on the sides, they've got all he knows about them and they have a section dedicated to their likes and dislikes and what to do when they're confronted with things they don't like
so he gives them small yet very thoughtful gifts every so often and makes an effort to help them when they're not feeling their best, however, he never lets them know it's him because he is so sure they hate him that he's convinced his methods wouldn't be as effective if they knew it was him doing it, so he hides
after the wedding, tensions are high so he tries to make them feel better, but, since he's pretty down in the dumps as well, he isn't as careful hiding as he usually is, so when the sides receive their gifts and help, they decide to figure out who has been sending them so they can thank them, now that they've managed to talk things out and are friends again
they figure out it's Logan and ask him why he never took credit for his work, he explains and what they do next is up to you - anon
Hello! Are you doing well? I hope you aren’t burning yourself out; you write so fast! A request, if those are open? I’m maybe just a little obsessed with your Roman and Logan hurt/comfort. Platonic or romantic, it’s all absolutely delicious. I’ve been going slightly crazy over their parallels recently… Do you have any more in the works? If not, totally a-okay! Take care of yourself, please! - anon
It stands to believe that if Logan upsets someone, naturally, he must strive to ensure they are not upset anymore. It is his fault that the problem exists, therefore he must be the one to solve it.
He pays attention, as is his job, to exactly what it is that causes the problem. Was he accidentally too brash or harsh? Did he dismiss an idea out of hand without realizing the consequences that would have? Has he overlooked someone in his efforts to be more efficient and erroneously decided that something wasn’t important?
He has found that most likely, the issue will fall into one of the aforementioned categories. As such, he has developed a flow chart.
- Did the Side in question directly approach him about the issue?
More likely, this answer will be ‘no.’ Unlike himself, the other Sides do not tend to communicate in explicit and succinct ways. He has pondered this several times, failing to understand why they believe that refraining from addressing the issues bluntly is more beneficial in the long term. The solution that he has been offered when he asks them about it informs Step 2.
- Are they avoiding interaction with Logan out of a belief that he is still upset with him?
Through no fault of their own, the Sides often believe that Logan remains discontented with them after the interaction ceases. Sometimes this is true, however in cases such as this, often whatever discontent there may have been will fade almost immediately once it has been expressed. He does not know how he can assure them of this permanently, though he does not mind the need to. After all, in times of emotional upset, one cannot be expected to perform the most rational of thinking. He does not and will never hold that against them.
- Do they believe that Logan desires the avoidance of contact due to believing them a burden?
The other Sides are not burdens to him. He willingly chooses to engage with them and interact with them. He is not Patton—he is not exuberant of his love and care for them—but he has a deep and meaningful fondness and affection for every single one of them. As such, they could never be burdens as they are not a task he has shouldered unwillingly and unknowingly.
Telling them as much tends to make them cry.
- Have they explained what it was that upset them?
This one is…difficult at times. If the Side believes they are a burden, it normally takes several rounds of reassurance before they are comfortable enough to share the details of their sadness. Once they do, however, it is simple enough to decide what his response should be.
A. Accidentally too brash or harsh: apologize for his insensitivity and assure them that he does not think badly of them. Ask what in particular it was that made them upset and add it to the list of sensitive topics. Reassure them with compliments that he does care deeply for them.
B. Dismissed out of hand: apologize for implying that their idea was not worthy of consideration. Refrain from explaining reasons because this can be seen as making excuses or defending his actions. Remind them that under no circumstances does his rejection of an idea imply that he rejects them as a Side or as someone he cares about. Propose an alternative or workshop one with them.
C. Overlooked: apologize for underestimating how important this was to the Side. Offer comfort if it is asked for. Propose an alternative that they would enjoy.
He has learned, however, that there can be lingering feelings after the interaction has resaved completely. Even when apologies have been made and alternatives have been proposed, there can be lingering hurt on their behalf or a guilt on his own. A residual emotional injury, one that cannot be fixed by attempting to further deepen the interaction, but one that requires a different angle.
One of the discoveries that has been his most meaningful is that if he is the cause of the emotional hurt, there is only so much he, as himself, can do in order to assuage it. Often, his presence is enough to remind them of the infliction of the original hurt and prevent him from fully healing it. As such, it stands to reason that an outside source of joy or pleasure would benefit them once he has done as much as he can on his own.
This is where the gifts come in.
The sentimentality and positivity that humans—and Sides—associate with inanimate objects is fascinating. Perhaps it is due to the way humans are designed to interact with their environment and other humans, a sort of innate pack bonding that developed as an evolutionary tactic for survival. It is most evident in the subtle, gentle caring love that most humans cannot refrain from developing for anything that is even slightly intuitive; an attachment to things that they know cannot actually reciprocate or care, but there is always at least a little suspicion that they might.
Children—and adults—will kiss stuffed animals on the head if they fall or are accidentally dropped. He has seen college students and working professionals croon and speak softly to their laptops or other devices, thanking them for performing their functions or encouraging them to do just a little bit more. Or the sadness that one feels when they lose an object that was important to them, not necessarily because they have lost a possession but because it was theirs and it had been present through many emotional journeys and now its absence was keenly felt.
He digresses.
Providing the other Sides with a gift not only gives them an outlet for this type of affection, but it enables him to better understand what it is they require from him in terms of emotional support. As an added bonus, it can help to assuage his own guilt by seeing them so happy. He has…often been accused of being incapable of leaving a task incomplete.
With this in mind, he has prepared files on each of the Sides to ensure their gifts are uniquely suited to them.
For Patton, it is anything soft and cuddly or an appliance that might be useful in the kitchen. Patton, for all his proclamations of being a father to the other Sides, is not the…most adept in the kitchen. Not simply because his palate is…oh, what’s a polite way to phrase this…let’s say compatible with the tastes of the others, but because his attention span will often wander during time-sensitive tasks.
A sparkly kitchen timer that will sit at his elbow and ring merrily when time has elapsed. A spatula with a kitten head, complete with white and pink spots and a pair of eyes that smile from one side. Oven mitts that have clouds and rainbows that make a satisfying thump when you clap with them on.
And, of course, any stuffed animal that is big enough to squish his face into and huggable enough to stand in for one of the Sides if necessary.
Patton, as the Side that primarily deals with Thomas’s emotions, often experiences the emotional consequences of a meeting even if the Side in question will not. And as most Sides are not as…willing to experience the full extent of Patton’s emotional support, a plush that works as a stand-in is greatly appreciated.
For Virgil, although he would deny it to his last breath—not that Sides need to breathe, strictly, as they are metaphysical—also appreciates stuffed animals. These ones, though, have to be more carefully curated than the ones given to Patton. Due to Virgil’s anxiety, he requires objects that can help ground him. Through discussions, Logan has learned that these often come in the form of tactically stimulating objects like fidgets or textured things, or pressure therapy like weighted blankets.
The stuffed animals he gifts to Virgil are either weighted plushes—in the form of dinosaurs or bats—or stuffed animals of the more obscure kind that have fascinating natural features. A cassowary he was particularly proud of has individual feathers on its back for Virgil to run his fingers through. A pangolin has individual scales, ones where the fluffy material alternates directions. A Komodo dragon has lifelike skin, perfect for stroking with the palm of his hands to ground himself.
He also offers replacements. A phone charger with a cord long enough to reach anywhere he needs it to. A set of headphones that are both noise canceling and soft enough to prevent sensory overload if he needs to wear them for extended periods of time. A new fidget cube after his last one broke.
Virgil, no matter what Janus likes to insist, is responsible for Thomas’s immediate survival In a crisis, Virgil is the Side that takes control first, he is often their first and last line of defense against particularly troubling onslaughts. As such, anything Logan can do to ensure that he can ‘switch off’ is of the utmost importance.
For Janus, Logan has often had the occasional thought that he is restocking a spa as opposed to getting gifts for his friend. Janus has one of the most scrupulous and meticulous self-care routines Logan has ever encountered, though this by no means surprises him. As a Side responsible for self-preservation, it therefore follows that he would not exempt himself from this aspect of his duties.
Bath salts that will not irritate his scales. Bath bombs that are gentle enough to soothe him but not too gentle as to have no effect. A new face mask that boasts hyaluronic acid and other moisturizing ingredients that will work for both the scaled and flesh sides of his face. And of course, a restocking of whatever products he seems to be running out of.
Logan also pays attention to what it is that Janus picks for himself. He is the expert on his needs, after all. So Logan will supply him with new batteries for a heat lamp, a fresh bulb if the old one seems to be losing its efficiency. He has replaced exfoliating brushes, microfiber towels, even supplying new material for gloves if need be.
Janus, unlike some of the other Sides, finds more comfort in his solitude than in the company of others. Logan has no desire to compete with Janus’s comfort levels, and as such, will not infringe on them. A boundary has been established, it is his duty to respect it.
For Remus, Logan will readily admit that he has the most fun picking out what to gift him. Remus is not known for his adherence to tradition or routine, and as such, gifting him things like appliances or objects with uses is relatively useless. Remus enjoys the most random of things—not just in the expected Remus way. If you get Remus something he doesn’t know what to do with, he will be ecstatic.
A packet of glow-in-the-dark stars that he now has to find a place for. A snow globe from somewhere that Thomas has never been that is now part of an incredible recreation of a Coraline scene. An ordinary-seeming matryoshka doll with a penguin as the smallest doll that is now his favorite thing to brainstorm with.
And, of course, there are the Remus-expected gifts. A vial of whale blood. A ghost heart, designed for an experiment Logan scrapped that he now has no use for. A vial of some type of mystery liquid that sat at his station for so long that he has both completely forgotten what it was and is slightly worried about doing more experiments near it.
Remus is…a wonder. It is like shopping for an eclectic uncle and a little kid all at the same time. Remus excels in the chaos when he is allowed to be off-the-cuff, so to speak, and entirely his own. Logan gives him things he has no idea what to do with because he can always rely on Remus to come up with something spectacular.
Roman…oh, Roman.
Logan is not too proud to confess that out of all the Sides, Roman is both the most difficult to gift things for and the one he finds himself gifting to most often. The two of them seem destined to disagree over issues, if only because their duties demand it. Thomas’s career as a creative-type and yet one that must manage his own time and responsibilities means that Logic and Creativity must always compete for priority. More often than not, the victor is chosen through direct neglect of the other.
He must give Roman credit. Wherever possible, Roman will propose alternatives that include them both. He makes concessions when Logan has no intention of making any, he adapts his ideas to fit under Logan’s strict guidelines with stunning ease, he is often the first to apologize when he feels he has pushed too far or stepped out of line. And no matter how much Logan accuses him of being childish and unwilling to cooperate if he can’t get his way, Roman demonstrates his maturity by admitting his faults—often without prompting—and seeking Logan out if he feels that he has done something wrong.
He has not always extended the same courtesy to Roman.
That is not to say that Roman is without flaws; the creative Side will resort to insults and mocking if he feels it warranted and he has been known to sulk for longer than acceptable. But Roman is as much a professional as Logan, he knows how to do his job and do it well, and he cares for Thomas. He is Thomas’s Ego, after all, he cannot help certain things.
…Roman is also far too good of an actor.
Logan doesn’t like to entertain theories of how Roman became such a good actor, nor the implications for what that means when it comes to how he truly feels. He knows that although Janus is the one who will wear the others’ faces and put on the masquerade of a performer, it is Roman that is rarely found without some sort of mask. He knows bits and pieces of the real Roman, certainly, but if pressed, he isn’t sure he could tell you which bits and pieces.
The gifts he gives Roman are careful. So careful. Because if Roman realizes who they come from, it will become another part of his disguise or performance and Logan will lose them. An extra of Roman’s favorite pen just as the current one is running out of ink. A refill for his favorite journal that he’s almost at the end of. A new blanket in the hall closet that is soft and heavy and not too suffocating.
Sometimes he can’t help himself. Thomas will see an advertisement in passing for a large dragon plush with wings large enough to hug you and he’ll sneak it into the Imagination for Roman to find. Or he’ll see a YouTube video he thinks Roman will like and sneaks it onto Thomas’s ‘Watch Later’ list so it will pop up in Roman’s recommended feed. Or once—just once, because he couldn’t risk Roman finding out about it—Roman’s favorite comfort object had been ruined in one of Remus’s gleeful rampages and he’d painstakingly fixed it, leaving it outside his door.
He doesn’t know what else he can do to really help Roman. Roman has been hurt, he knows, and won’t give up such a vulnerable part of himself without sufficient reason. And he can’t risk Roman putting together what he’s been doing for fear that the opportunity will vanish forever. So he sneaks in what little he can and wonders what he could be doing better.
It is crucial that none of them ever discover what he is doing. As he mentioned before, the mere fact of his association risks prolonging the hurt instead of helping to soothe it, and as such, anonymity is essential. They do not require Logan in those moments, and so he must remove himself from the equation.
This makes perfect logical sense, and so Logan is very, very confused when he explains this to a group of Sides who have found him out and is met with more discontent rather than understanding expressions.
“So what you’re saying,” Virgil says, frowning hard, “is that you thought that if we knew you’d given us the gifts, we would automatically hate them?”
“I did not use the word ‘hate,’ but yes, if you knew of my association—“
“You’re a fucking idiot, Lolo,” Remus interrupts, voice as serious as he’s ever heard it, “and I really wanna hit you about it.”
“Don’t hit him,” Janus says, even though it’s half-hearted—as is Patton’s call of ‘language’—“that’s not nice.”
“What’s not nice is not telling us he gave us the presents because then we can’t thank him!”
“I don’t do it because I expect gratitude,” Logan says quickly, “you don’t need to—“
“Yeah, well, what if we want to, kiddo?” Patton stares at him. “What if we feel weird because we’re just getting stuff that we want and we don’t know who to thank for it?”
“I…did not factor that into my calculations.”
Virgil snorts. “No shit.”
Logan shakes himself. “Would you rather I refrain from gifting you things altogether? If this is the case, I have a few more that I need to—“
“No, sweetie,” Janus interrupts gently, “that’s not what we’re saying.”
Logan blinks. “That is what I am interpreting.”
“We’re saying that we’re grateful for the gifts you give us, as it is obvious how much care and precision you take with it, and we are upset because you believe that we would look badly upon the gifts once we knew they came from you.” Janus reaches out and adjusts his glasses. “Because there is an implication that you believe we neither care for you nor view you with equal affection and importance. It’s your own lack of self-esteem that is making us upset.”
“That’s—I—“
Then Roman starts to move.
Logan’s gaze snaps to him in an instant because Roman is crying, Roman is crying, no, this is bad, he’s done something very wrong, he needs to fix it, he needs to—
“Logan,” he says softly as he sits in front of him on the couch, “are you alright with being touched right now?
Dazed, Logan can only nod. Roman smiles and reaches out—
Oh. Is…is Logan crying too?
“Yes, my darling,” Roman murmurs and he is experiencing an error, please try again later, thank you, “you are. Come here, let me just…there, that’s it.”
Logan is unable to process anything, thank you very much. There is a distant recognition of Roman’s hand is on my face, Roman is wiping my tears, Roman is speaking softly to me and calling me sweet things, but Logan himself is very much not present right now.
“Sweetling,” Roman murmurs again and Logan should not be surprised that Roman is able to come up with so many pet names, and yet— “may I hug you? I want to comfort you too, you’re upset.”
“I—I—“
“Stop, Roman,” Janus says softly, “he can’t think with you doing that.”
Roman pulls his hand away and Logan sobs.
“Oh, shh, shh, it’s okay, sweetheart—“ Patton, that’s Patton— “he didn’t leave, we’re not leaving, we just want you to tell us what you need.”
“Deep breaths, L,” Virgil says in a low, comforting voice, “that’s it, there you go.”
Logan cannot do anything. He can’t do anything. Everything is too much. Everything is—
“Hey, Lolo,” comes Remus’s voice as the rest of the world thins out to a low murmur, “can you hear me?”
Yes.
“Good. I’m just gonna talk to you like this for a sec.”
Okay.
“We’re here. We care about you. We want to make you feel better. That’s all you gotta think about right now.”
Okay.
“I think Roro is vibrating with how much he wants to cuddle you right now, can I tell him that’s okay?”
Yes.
Seconds later, something warm and solid wraps around him and he can hear Roman’s voice murmuring in his ear again.
“Hello, my darling, I’m right here, is this alright?” Logan nods. “Good, good, sweet thing, I have you, I’m not going anywhere. You just pour all of that into me, okay? Let me take it.”
“Can the others come hug you too?”
Yes.
A moment later, there are more arms around him, a soft mattress appearing on the floor as someone—Janus, Remus helpfully supplies—scoops him into his lap and runs a hand through his hair.
“We can figure out everything else later, Lolo,” Remus says as someone else, Virgil, probably, turns the lights down, “but you gotta let yourself relax first.”
“We’re right here,” Roman says gently, “shh, hush, now, my dear.”
But Logan won’t hush, because he has things he needs to say and he ends up just babbling at Roman, completely inarticulate, but this is important and he wants Roman to know and he—
“Shh,” Roman whispers, kissing his forehead, “shh, sweetling. Tell me later, okay? Just cry this out first.”
But that’s hard and everything hurts.
“I know, sweet thing, I know.” Another kiss to his cheek. “You can do it.”
Can he? He doesn’t think he can. He doesn’t know how.
One last kiss to his forehead. “As our gift to you, Logan, let yourself cry.”
…well, it’s rude to turn down a gift.