Archive of Our Own ^beta

1

They’re somewhere in Japan— and that’s all Jeonghan knows.

The flight from Los Angeles had been a long one and all he wants to do is collapse in some comfortable hotel bed and sleep it all off.

But Jeonghan hates hotel rooms, everyone knows it. They creep him out.

Rising from the fluffy comforter, Jeonghan grabs his phone and looks through his contacts. Of course, he already knows who he’s going to call.

“Shua,” he mumbles once he picks up the call.

“Yeah?”

“What are you up to?”

“I’m chilling with Cheol,” Joshua replies, “we’re playing that one game I like.”

“He’s shit at it!” Seungcheol butts in.

“I kicked your ass earlier!”

“Because you made me give you five advantages!”

Jeonghan rolls his eyes, “You’re so loud.”

“Sorry,” Joshua chuckles, “what do you want? Have you eaten yet?”

“I can’t sleep,” Jeonghan replies.

There’s a few seconds of silence, then, as expected, “Okay, give me five minutes and order something.”

Jeonghan hangs up with a smile on his face.

He doesn’t really know when Joshua went from being his best friend to.. whatever he is now. His safe place? Comfort in human form? Soulmate?

Jeonghan orders room service while he waits. He knows what Joshua likes to eat and drink after a long flight.

They’ve been close for so long that there’s nothing Jeonghan doesn’t know about Joshua.

(There is one thing. But Jeonghan doesn’t know what he doesn't know.)

As promised, Joshua knocks on his door five minutes later.

“Did you order?” he asks while taking off his shoes.

Jeonghan hums, “We can eat on the balcony.”

Joshua leans over to see it, “Yeah, looks nice.”

Jeonghan gets into bed again and Joshua follows as if he was his shadow.

Jeonghan’s silent, so Joshua wraps an arm around him and brings him closer, “What’s on your mind, huh?”

“Nothing, I’m just tired.”

“Right,” Joshua chuckles, “you still think your lies work with me?”

Jeonghan rolls his eyes, “..we just left LA.”

Joshua nods, giving him time.

“When you went out with those people,” Jeonghan stares blank at the wall, “who was that guy? The tall one?”

“Jiho?” Joshua shrugs, “one of my school friends.”

Jeonghan doesn’t know how to say it, but he tries, “You seemed really close.”

Joshua ponders, “I don’t know, I didn’t get to see him last time we went so.. we had a lot of catching up to do.”

“He was very touchy with you.”

“That’s just how he is,” Joshua shrugs, “why?”

“No reason,” Jeonghan lies, “I just had never seen him before so it was weird that you were so close.”

Joshua hums, “And that’s what’s been bothering you?”

“He just acted like he knew everything about you,” Jeonghan pouts, “when you haven’t seen each other in years.”

“Well,” Joshua, too, turns to stare at the wall, “we were.. closer than with the others.”

Jeonghan’s about to investigate further, when room service arrives.

They take everything outside and quietly start eating, until Joshua takes out his phone and puts on an episode of this one show they always watch when they’re bored.

Once they’re done eating in silence, Joshua goes to the bathroom and Jeonghan gets back into bed.

He doesn’t know why Joshua and his friend bothered him that much. Maybe he’s only seen the members being so openly affectionate and it’s weird when outsiders do it.

Maybe it’s because they looked like a couple. Joshua is a private person. He has never talked about his sexuality, and while the group is aware that he has an active interpersonal life— as active as their job allows anyway— they know nothing about his partners.

He claims that since they’re mostly one night stands, there’s no need to talk about them. He barely even knows them.

He’s never said or done anything to indicate he might be into men, but he also hasn’t said or done anything to indicate that he might not be into men.

Joshua comes out of the bathroom with just his boxers on, heads straight for Jeonghan’s wardrobe and chooses something to sleep in.

They don’t need to talk. When Jeonghan calls him to his room, it’s always because he needs someone to hold while he sleeps.

“You always choose the same one,” Jeonghan chuckles.

“It’s the comfiest you have,” Joshua shrugs, putting on the oversized wine red t-shirt that Jeonghan might pack every time just for him.

He hasn’t worn it in years. He only keeps it around because it just looks good on Joshua. He always looks good, but something about that shirt being Jeonghan’s.. kind of makes him lose his mind.

Joshua gets into bed, getting close until he’s on his side, head on Jeonghan’s shoulder and arm lazily spread on his chest.

“Feeling better?” Joshua asks, before yawning.

“Yeah,” Jeonghan mumbles, feeling the warmth of his best friend engulf him, “it’s always better when you’re here.”

Joshua chuckles, “Right, I bet you say that to everyone you force to cuddle you.”

“Everyone being you and Seokmin once when you were sick?”

“Really?” Joshua looks up at him.

“Shut up,” Jeonghan rolls his eyes, “sleep so I can sleep too.”

Joshua laughs, “I’ll try my best to.”

Some time passes, Jeonghan’s almost asleep, when Joshua speaks again, “You’re tense.”

“Jetlag,” Jeonghan tries.

“Lies again. Look, if it’s about Jiho again,” Joshua keeps yawning, eyes fighting to stay open, “he acts like that because we had.. a thing back in high school.”

“A thing?” Jeonghan’s never been more alert.

“Yeah,” Joshua, half-asleep, mumbles, “just.. you know.”

“No? I don’t know.”

Joshua’s already asleep.

“What do you mean when you say you had ‘a thing’ with someone?”

Seungcheol turns to look at him, still running on the treadmill, “You came all the way to the hotel gym at 6am to ask me this?”

Jeonghan shrugs, sipping on his iced coffee.

“I guess a relationship?” Seungcheol tries, “or, I don’t know, a fling?”

“So there’s no way that it can be.. platonic? Like, friendly?”

“I don’t think so. I will never understand you,” Seungcheol sighs, “where is this coming from?”

“Personal curiosity,” Jeonghan shrugs, “I was reading a webtoon.”

“..sure,” Seungcheol nods, “hey, where’s Shua?”

“How am I supposed to know that?”

“Seriously?” Seungcheol chuckles.

“Fine. He’s still sleeping,” Jeonghan replies.

“He stayed the night?”

“He always does.”

“You know,” Seungcheol snorts, “I’m really starting to doubt your insomnia agenda. You sleep just fine most of the time, alone.”

“Hotels are different,” Jeonghan rolls his eyes, “and why would I fake insomnia?”

“To cuddle with Shua,” Seungcheol casually says, “we all know he’s the best cuddler. Don’t tell Mingyu I said this or he will cry.”

“You all know?” Jeonghan frowns, “have you all been using him to cuddle?”

“Using him?” Seungcheol laughs, “he’s happy to do it. He comes when you call him, you know that.”

“Oh,” Jeonghan nods, “I thought his services were exclusive to me.”

“Why would they be?”

“He’s my best friend,” Jeonghan simply explains.

“I feel like Shua’s everyone’s best friend,” Seungcheol muses.

“Yeah but not like with me,” Jeonghan insists.

“I feel like I’ve lost the point of this conversation.”

“It’s nothing, whatever,” Jeonghan stands up, “I’m gonna go wake him up and make him promise to stop cuddling you. You’re a big boy, you don’t need that, you can fend for yourself.”

Seungcheol rolls his eyes, “You know how you’re always irritating? I feel like you always take it up a notch when it’s morning.”

Jeonghan just glares at him and walks back to his room.

As expected, Joshua is still there, asleep.

He had a thing with his high school friend. A not-platonic thing.

Jeonghan is not weirded out because Joshua likes men. He’s weirded out that Joshua never told him. Of course it’s very personal, but Jeonghan thought they were past that point.

Jeonghan doesn’t remember exactly when it happened— maybe that one time they had tequila shots together and Joshua ended up on his lap and licked the salt straight from his collarbone or the many times they’ve shared a bed or a seat or clothes or a shower— but at some point something shifted and the lines started to blur.

He went from Joshua— his cute, encouraging best friend, to Joshua— his extremely attractive best friend who makes him feel warm and tingly and at times very hot.

Jeonghan decides to actively stop thinking about it and wakes Joshua up.

And if he’s the human version of every prince charming at any given time, he’s something ethereal when he’s just woken up.

His hair is messy but he’s already smiling, slowly batting his long lashes to get rid of his sleepiness.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” Jeonghan fixes his hair, “get up, we’re getting breakfast.”

Joshua yawns, “What time is it? I promised Chan I’d work out with him.”

“He isn’t at the gym yet,” Jeonghan shrugs, “and you’ll exercise better with something in your stomach, come on.”

Joshua shakes his head with a fond smile and follows.

It’s always like this.

Jeonghan goes and, surely, Joshua follows.

2

They’re waiting for Wonwoo to arrive at the restaurant, when Jeonghan almost brings it up. He doesn’t know what’s prompting him, but he’s been waiting to ask.

But at the same time, it’s their last night in Japan, they just finished this leg of the tour, they’re out to celebrate, even if most of the other members were too tired to. Actually, all of the members. Wonwoo’s the only one who gave in to their pleadings.

Jeonghan knows that the mood would dampen if he asked Joshua to clarify what he meant about his ex, or whatever that guy is. There must be a reason as to why Joshua hasn’t said anything all these years, and while it hurts Jeonghan because he tells Joshua everything, Joshua has a right to keep things for himself.

And it’s not like Jeonghan also doesn’t have his own secrets, but his would be even more difficult to talk about. Especially to Joshua.

But Jeonghan can’t help but be paranoid. He thinks of male idols Joshua was close with and then ditched— were those real friendships that ended or attempts at relationships gone wrong? He actually thinks of every male he’s ever seen next to Joshua, wondering if they had been flirting and he was just there, completely unaware.

He realises that just because Joshua is into men, it doesn’t mean that he’s into every single man that ever existed. But he also realises that every single man that ever existed would be into Joshua.

Because he’s gorgeous and has a beautiful personality. And he smells good and has great hair and pretty eyes and always takes care of people.

And he’s Jeonghan’s entire world if only Jeonghan was a bit braver to admit it even to himself.

“So it’s just us and Wonwoo?” Joshua asks.

Jeonghan had to convince Wonwoo, mostly because he didn’t know how to deal with Joshua alone, “Yes.”

They have spent time alone, as always, just hanging out before rehearsals and sharing the bed at night. Most of Joshua’s belongings are in Jeonghan’s hotel room.

And Jeonghan has realised that maybe sometimes he needs someone else there, just to stop him from doing or saying something stupid that would ruin his most special friendship.

“Should we get appetisers while we wait?” Joshua asks.

Jeonghan nods and waves down the waiter, ordering for both him and Joshua, since he knows what he wants to eat.

“Are you paying, too?”

Jeonghan just hits him with the menu, straight to the chest.

“Ouch,” Joshua brings his hands to his chest.

Jeonghan’s alert now, “Did it hurt? Oh, fuck, I’m sorry, I didn’t— why are you laughing?”

Joshua just throws his head back and keeps laughing, “You should’ve seen the look on your face.”

“You idiot,” Jeonghan shakes his head, “I really thought I hurt you.”

Joshua puffs out his chest, “Please.”

Jeonghan hits him again, “Stop working out. We don’t need another Mingyu.”

“But now I’m strong enough to carry you everywhere,” Joshua shrugs, “wasn’t that, and I quote, everything I’ve ever wanted, end quote.”

“I was joking,” Jeonghan rolls his eyes, “people say shit when they’re drunk, Joshuji.”

“Or when they’re asleep.”

Jeonghan’s heart jumps in his throat. Surely they’re not going into that.

“I don’t know if you’re ignoring me or if you genuinely haven’t seen me yet.”

They both turn to Wonwoo.

“How long have you been here?” Jeonghan asks.

“Since the menu slap,” Wonwoo sighs.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Joshua laughs.

“I tried, you were too busy.. doing whatever you guys do.”

“Well, we’re all here, let’s order!” Jeonghan claps his hands.

“It’s just the three of us?”

Joshua nods.

“That’s great,” Wonwoo tries to smile, but ends up looking like he’s about to make a run for it.

“We are good company!” Jeonghan exclaims, feeling offended.

“We’re the best company,” Joshua agrees.

“Yeah, you are,” Wonwoo sighs, seeing as they already start to bicker, “when you remember that other people exist.”

“And that was..” Jeonghan stops, “Shua, when was that?”

Joshua quickly swallows what he was chewing, “I think it was Nana’s birthday.”

“Nana Hong?”

Joshua nods, “Yeah, remember? She came up to Seoul for it.”

“And she invited Jeonghan?” Wonwoo can’t help but ask.

“Of course,” Joshua nods, “Nana loves Hannie. They had so much fun dancing at my grandparents’ wedding anniversary.”

“And you invited Jeonghan there?”

“Why not?” Joshua shrugs, “my family loves him.”

“They do,” Jeonghan smiles, “but not as much as my sister loves Shua.”

Their eyes are glimmering and they can’t stop touching each other.

Wonwoo considers throwing himself on the ground and faking a heart attack.

“So your families are that close?”

Jeonghan nods, preparing a lettuce wrap, “More than close, of course. Shua’s mom and I text daily.”

“Really?” Joshua laughs.

“She has many questions about you,” Jeonghan shrugs, “we like to gossip. Also she didn’t like the shirt you wore last night, said it was too revealing.”

Joshua rolls his eyes.

The lettuce wrap, that Wonwoo honestly feels like he deserves, goes from Jeonghan’s hand to Joshua’s mouth.

“It’s good,” he nods.

Jeonghan smiles brightly, “I’ll make you another one, then!”

Wonwoo has many regrets, many, but deciding to spend time alone with Jeonghan and Joshua is higher on that list than he thought it would be.

Before Wonwoo is finally free to go hide in a room for the next two decades, Joshua stands up and excuses himself to the bathroom.

The glance Jeonghan throws his way is almost scary, “Wonu, do you remember all the idol friends Shua had?”

Wonwoo hesitates, “Like, back in the days?”

“Yeah.”

“Kind of,” Wonwoo shrugs, “why?”

“Don’t you think it’s weird how he would completely ignore them after a while?”

“It depends,” Wonwoo tries to rationalise, “maybe they had.. bad falling outs?”

“Did you ever hang out with them?”

“A few times,” Wonwoo nods, “yeah.”

“Were there ever.. weird vibes?”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Like, maybe they weren’t friends?”

Wonwoo shrugs, “They seemed normal to me. Why?”

“It’s nothing,” Jeonghan smiles, “it just.. occurred to me that he doesn’t really hang out with them anymore.”

“We’re all busy,” Wonwoo explains, “maybe it was hard to keep seeing each other.”

“Makes sense,” Jeonghan looks away, “but then that should apply for his American friends, too.”

“I don’t know, maybe because they’ve known each other longer?” Wonwoo tries, “also they don’t get to see or contact each other often.. so it’s like, a more chill type of friendship?”

Jeonghan nods, playing around with his empty glass.

“Why don’t you just ask him?”

“It’s not that important,” Jeonghan shrugs.

Wonwoo’s not sure what to make of this conversation.

“Are you guys playing some mind game?” Joshua chuckles, grabbing his jacket, “you look so serious.”

“It’s nothing,” Jeonghan stands up as well, speaking before Wonwoo could open his mouth, “he was telling me about this very complicated book he’s been reading.”

“Sure,” Joshua nods, “I paid, let’s go.”

Wonwoo doesn’t miss Joshua and Jeonghan’s intertwined hands.

This is the last time he hangs out with just the two of them.

“You don’t look too great,” Seungcheol nods, as Wonwoo slips into his room to play a game they’ve just purchased.

“I’m fine,” Wonwoo shrugs.

They both set up the game in the hotel room, before finally sitting down on the bed and starting it.

“You’ve been wanting to play this for a while,” Seungcheol comments, “I thought you’d be more excited.”

“I normally would,” Wonwoo sighs, “but dinner took my soul out of me.”

“What happened?” Seungcheol snorts.

“Jeonghan and Shua,” Wonwoo sighs.

“What did they do?”

“Nothing in particular,” Wonwoo explains, “it’s just.. them. The energy they have when they’re together. I guess when it’s more of us, it’s not really that noticeable. But being there with just the two of them.. was a lot.”

Seungcheol nods, “I know what you mean.”

“Cheol,” Wonwoo says, a few minutes later, “I just can’t stop thinking about it. They’re so close. Like, I knew they were, but not like this. It almost seemed like.. no, nevermind.”

“Like they’re dating?” Seungcheol tries.

Wonwoo gives up the game to look at him, “Yeah, exactly.”

Seungcheol pauses the game, “I’m pretty sure they are. I’ve spent so much time with the two of them together and I.. I kind of think I’m right.”

“Dinner was straight up painful,” Wonwoo confesses, “I’ve felt more like a third wheel than that time I went to get drinks with my sister and her husband of five years.”

“I know,” Seungcheol sighs, “I've been dealing with this all these years.”

“You think they’ve been together that long?” Wonwoo asks.

“I think so,” Seungcheol shrugs, “I don’t get why they still haven’t told us. They know we’d accept them.”

“Right,” Wonwoo nods, “I spent the whole dinner trying not to stab myself with a fork. Honestly they’re so lost in their little world that they wouldn’t have even noticed if I dropped dead in front of them.”

“Young love,” Seungcheol sighs, starting the game again.

3

Dance practices for award shows are always the hardest.

There are so many changes in the otherwise familiar choreography, new remixes to go through, set lists to figure out, endless rehearsals.. it’s a lot of work.

Jeonghan enters the room and is surprised to be one of the few already there. He’s usually one of the latest to arrive, but as of right now only Soonyoung and Chan are there.

“Joshua,” Soonyoung nods, after giving him a quick glance.

Jeonghan frowns, confused. He looks around but Joshua’s nowhere to be seen.

Did Soonyoung just get his name wrong?

Jeonghan snorts and sits on the ground.

Since they came back to Japan, they finished the tour, the last stops being two sold-out nights in Seoul that took so much energy they were all pretty much dead at the end.

And now, before they can properly rest for the holidays, they have to prepare for the few days of high quality performances that the end of the year award shows require.

Jeonghan yawns and grabs his phone, sending a quick text to Joshua.

still in the shower?

The reply comes immediately.

In the elevator.

There’s a selfie attached. Jeonghan almost whines, he looks so good. There’s a beanie on his head and his hoodie looks cozy. Jeonghan’s going to steal it, he decides.

cutie

I was going for handsome.

you can be both

I know, I just wanted you to say it.

Jeonghan tries not to giggle like a schoolgirl.

you already know what i think

Would it hurt to tell me?

yes. shut up and come keep me company.

Almost there

It couldn’t be more than a minute after the text that the door opens and Joshua walks in.

“Josh,” Soonyoung nods at him through the mirror, then looks away and frowns, “weren’t you here already?”

“Huh?” Joshua stops walking, playing with his water bottle.

“I greeted you earlier!”

“I just came in,” Joshua sits down next to Jeonghan.

“Oh, I see what happened,” Soonyoung chuckles, “I thought Jeonghan was you. Man, you guys dress so much alike.”

“We don’t dress alike, he just steals my clothes,” Jeonghan shrugs.

“You’re the one saying that?” Joshua shakes his head.

“Okay,” Soonyoung nods, deciding to not engage further, then puts back the earphones in while writing formations on a whiteboard.

“I think it’s cute that they mistake us for each other,” Joshua smiles, “also you stole my entire outfit, I think the socks are mine, too.”

“Maybe stop leaving your shit all over my apartment?” Jeonghan tries, “thievery isn’t cute.”

“As if you don’t like it,” Joshua rolls his eyes.

“I would like a neat apartment more than your smelly clothes,” Jeonghan sticks out his tongue.

“Then why are you always wearing them?”

Jeonghan glares at him, “Leave me alone. Soonyoungie! Shua’s bullying me!”

Soonyoung gives them a quick glance, “You probably deserve it.”

Joshua laughs, Jeonghan pushes him down and spanks his ass. Joshua starts giggling and wiggling around, but Jeonghan is forcefully holding him down to continue his attack. All the noise is making Soonyoung straight up murderous.

A few other members walk in and pause, questioning what they’re observing. It’s like a car crash— they can’t look away.

Soonyoung looks at the scene through the mirror and frowns. It seems weirdly sexual now. Also something he would need to bleach his eyes after seeing.

It’s still going on, Soonyoung prays for someone to come in and stop that as soon as possible.

“Who’s coming to drink?” Joshua asks, once they’re finally all out of the stuffy practice room, an arm loosely wrapped around Jeonghan’s shoulders.

“Not me, bye!” Wonwoo literally runs away. He doesn’t even go in the direction of the parking lot. Where his car is.

“That’s.. weird,” Joshua comments.

“Oh, look at that,” Jihoon looks at his phone, which he is very obviously just turning on, “PD-nim is calling me, I have songs to work on, bye!”

“Hao and I have to.. water his plants,” Junhui grabs Minghao and they run away, “we’re running a botanical garden.”

Minghao has never looked so confused.

“So no one’s drinking?” Jeonghan asks.

“I..” Chan nods, slowly retracting, “I promised Mingyu I’d help move his new sofa.”

“Right,” Mingyu nods, “the.. brown one. I just got it.. for the guest room?”

Joshua and Jeonghan share a look.

“Okay, what’s really going on?” Jeonghan asks.

Seungcheol sighs, “People are busy, Han-ah. Speaking of which, Seokminie, should we go?”

“Go where?” Jeonghan asks.

“We’re.. training butterflies to.. become more like bees, yeah, it’s an ongoing scientific project,” Seokmin smiles, “have fun!”

“Hansol?” Joshua asks, pouting.

“I.. Seungkwan’s teaching me.. the Bad Girl Good Girl choreo,” Hansol smiles, “can’t miss it.”

Joshua frowns.

“Well, at least we still have you,” Jeonghan smiles at Soonyoung.

“I’ve quit drinking.. forever,” Soonyoung smiles, “it’s best if I’m not around alcohol right now, you know? Love you, bye!”

“Suspicious,” Jeonghan murmurs.

“Well,” Joshua scratches the back of his neck, “shall we.. go?”

“At this point let’s go to your place,” Jeonghan shrugs, “since it’s just the two of us.”

“Sure,” Joshua offers his hand and Jeonghan grabs it. They slowly make their way to his apartment.

“Holy shit!” Jeonghan exclaims, “it’s snowing!”

Joshua squeezes Jeonghan’s hand, “It’s so pretty.”

Jeonghan loves snow. But he loves watching Joshua watch the snow more.

Since he’s only ever seen the snowy season in Korea, he’s still amazed by it. He looks pure as a child as he slowly spins under the snow.

They’re watching the first snow together. Jeonghan knows the implications— but he doesn’t care. It’s heartwarming to see the first snow with Joshua, it fills his heart to the brim.

There’s some white in his hair and some specks of snow on his lashes. He’s giggling and staring at the sky and Jeonghan can solemnly swear that there isn’t a better sight on the planet, no. No monument, no piece of art in a museum could compare to Joshua Hong dancing happily under the snow.

Jeonghan’s heart has never felt so full of affection.

He asks for Joshua’s hand as if asking for a dance and, while laughing, they slow dance under the snow that’s slowly settling and growing.

This is the part in the movie where Jeonghan’s character kisses Joshua’s character.

This is the part in Jeonghan’s real life when, not for the first time, he wonders what Joshua’s pink lips might taste like.

With a sigh, they start heading back.

Joshua’s apartment is just one block away from his. They weren’t planning on it, but then Soonyoung started asking them questions about being too far apart and they eventually came to this conclusion.

“Everyone was so weird today,” Jeonghan comments.

Joshua puts in his code, Jeonghan’s birthday, and they go inside, “I know, right? They said so many weird things. If they didn’t want a drink they could have just said so.”

“Well,” Jeonghan smiles, hugging Joshua from behind, “at least I have you all to myself, Mr professional cuddler.”

“You’re still on that?” Joshua laughs, “you do it too with everyone!”

“Yeah but our cuddles are more special.”

Joshua nods, “Yeah, they are. What do you wanna drink?”

“Do you have that crafty beer I like?” Jeonghan sits on the couch.

“Of course,” Joshua brings it to him, “I don’t know why you love it, it’s so bitter.”

“Sometimes we love without a reason.”

“Deep,” Joshua nods, “and you haven’t even drank yet.”

“You love my drunken wisdom!”

“There’s a lot to love about you,” Joshua shrugs.

Jeonghan immediately takes a long sip of his beer, getting more comfortable on the sofa.

He’s about to say something when Joshua’s phone rings.

“Oh?” he smiles and picks up the call, “hi, it’s been so long!”

Jeonghan tunes out the english, which is basically most of the conversation, but he does hear the name Jiho and that makes him roll his eyes.

He’s not sure what the time in LA is, but this guy seems to be going at great lengths to keep in touch with Joshua.

Jeonghan whines and wraps his arms and legs around Joshua, sitting behind him. His chin is resting on Joshua’s shoulder.

“I.. yeah, I am kinda busy, sorry,” Joshua says.

Jeonghan smiles because he understands that.

“Okay, bye!”

“Who was that?” Jeonghan asks as soon as the call is over.

“Jiho,” Joshua shrugs, “why are you being an octopus?”

Jeonghan lets him go and settles next to him on the couch, “Why is this guy always calling you?”

“I told you,” Joshua turns on the TV, “we were friends.”

It’s time, Jeonghan decides.

“You said you were more than friends..”

“Right,” Joshua takes a sip of his own beer, “I did say that.”

Jeonghan hums, lowering his voice, “Do you wanna.. tell me about it?”

Joshua nods, takes several more sips of his beer, then rests comfortably on the couch. He turns towards Jeonghan, looking down at his lap, “What do you wanna know?”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Jeonghan tries, “I thought that.. at least to me..”

“I wanted to,” Joshua confesses, “I really did, Hannie. But I don’t know, I guess I was scared.”

“So you’re..”

“Bi.”

“Mmh,” Jeonghan takes his hand, “hey, look at me. That’s great, Joshuji. Thank you for telling me.”

“It’s..” Joshua finally looks up, his eyes are wet, “all the guys.. they’re always talking about women. I.. I don’t know. I was scared that if the wrong people found out then I would put the whole group in a weird situation and it wouldn’t have been fair to you.”

Jeonghan pouts and starts playing with his hair, “I get your thought process, I do. But we are your family. You should never hide who you are, or part of it, because of that. If anything ever happens, we’ll all be on your side.”

“Thank you,” Joshua sniffles.

Jeonghan smiles, endeared, and hugs him tight, “I.. we love you so much, you know that.”

“I know that,” Joshua finally smiles, “I love you too.”

“Is this why you never talked about you exes?”

“Yeah,” Joshua chuckles, “I tend to.. be more attracted to men, so..”

Jeonghan nods, “What’s your type?”

Joshua chuckles, “I don’t know, I don’t think I have one.”

“And.. right now..” Jeonghan hesitates, “are you seeing someone?”

“No,” Joshua says.

Jeonghan goes to grab two more beers, “Great, me neither, let’s cheer to that.”

“Sure,” Joshua smiles, feeling lighter. And grateful. And so in love it’s painful.

4

“We’re here!” Jeonghan announces, dragging Joshua by the arm.

“We almost didn’t make it,” Joshua sighs, “all because you decided to keep that hair mask for fifteen more minutes.”

“Okay, but look at my hair now,” Jeonghan smiles, “it’s shining.”

“It does look good,” Joshua has to admit, “dark hair suits you.”

“Everything suits me,” Jeonghan replies.

“Hello?” Seungkwan pinches Joshua’s nipple through the t-shirt, “the plane we’re about to lose?”

“Sorry,” Jeonghan smiles, “let’s go!”

They go through all the procedures, before settling in one of the restaurants in the first class lounge, while waiting to be called.

“Are you excited to go back?” Joshua asks, adjusting the recliner he’s sitting on.

Seungkwan nods, “Yeah, mom invited the whole family. It’s gonna be chaos.”

“Good luck,” Jeonghan grins, “our hotel instead is the most relaxing place ever.”

“I still don’t understand why you’re coming with me if you’re not gonna spend time with me,” Seungkwan huffs.

“I told you already,” Jeonghan sighs, while sitting on the same recliner as Joshua, half on his lap, “Shua’s been stressed, he needed a vacation and you gave us the perfect idea. Plus, we already told you that we’ll be at dinner with your family one of the last days.”

Seungkwan’s brain plays a collage of memories, mostly the members asking him why he is doing this to himself, Wonwoo close to tears, Soonyoung strangely silent because he claims he’s still traumatised from Spanking Gate. Seungkwan is just glad he was late to that one dance practice.

Looking at Jeonghan and Joshua smiling softly while playing with each other’s fingers, Seungkwan gets it. Why is he doing this to himself?

He could’ve gone back to Jeju alone, spend time with all his relatives and generally have a good time. Instead, he’s stuck being an unwilling witness to the weird mating dance of two of his friends.

Once they’re on the plane, Joshua whines about his seat so much that Seungkwan switches with him. Which in turn allows the lovebirds to stay next to each other. Not for the first time, Seungkwan wonders if there is actually something romantic going on— because fan service is one thing, but this? This is reality.

For the rest of the flight, Seungkwan tries to tune them out.

“I officially love this place,” Joshua smiles.

“I told you that you would,” Jeonghan collapses on the bed.

“The pool looks great,” Joshua keeps walking around, “and the veranda is really nice.”

“And we don’t have to interact with anyone else for the whole time.”

Joshua turns around and chuckles, “That’s what you think. I’ve done my research.”

“And I’m included in that?”

“Of course,” Joshua ends up on the bed next to him, “you brought me here on vacation and you don’t want to do any of the activities?”

“We have a pool,” Jeonghan points out, “and a spa. What more could you do?”

“Visiting local markets, going to the beach, horse riding, tangerine picking..”

Jeonghan gets stuck on that one, “Tangerine picking?”

Joshua nods, with a smile, “Then we get to keep them.”

Jeonghan sighs, “Fine. We’ll do your things.”

“As if you were going to say no to me,” Joshua stands back up.

Jeonghan thinks it’s fair. He’s never been able to say no to him.

They do end up spending the entire rest of the day just relaxing— a small blessing Joshua gave Jeonghan.

They mostly chilled in the pool, both having to take breaks from trying to drown the other. They must have seemed like middle schoolers, but they had fun.

They went back to their room to shower, then decided to just have dinner in their room.

“It’s like we’re on tour,” Jeonghan comments, as he finishes putting all their orders on the table in the veranda.

“It does,” Joshua nods, “are you gonna have trouble sleeping here, too?”

“Of course,” Jeonghan pouts, “it’s not like my brain can realise the difference between tour hotel and vacation hotel.”

“Good thing we can put the beds together,” Joshua shrugs.

“Right,” Jeonghan nods, extending his chopsticks, “try this!”

"Delicious," Joshua nods, “should we go to the market tomorrow?”

Jeonghan nods, “Sure. We can buy something to cook lunch with.. or just eat there.”

Joshua nods, “Perfect. Then we can just relax for the rest of the day.”

“A compromise,” Jeonghan nods, “I like it.”

“We’re equals,” Joshua shrugs.

Jeonghan smiles, “Yeah, we always have been.”

A few hours later, they’re laying on the double bed. There’s a ton of space, but they’re huddled on Jeonghan’s side.

“Thank you, by the way.”

“Mmh?” Joshua’s hot breath is on his neck, “what for?”

“I know sleeping together is too hot for you,” Jeonghan murmurs, “but you always say yes when I ask you.”

Joshua shrugs, “I can stand some heat if that means you get to sleep.”

Jeonghan’s heart feels full, “I’m.. happy to have you.”

Joshua chuckles, “Yeah, I’m happy, too.”

Just as planned, they spend the whole morning getting lost (and trying to avoid getting scammed) at a local market. Still, they buy so much that they’re full by the time they get back to the hotel.

After lunch they both get massages, get in the sauna and spend some more time in the pool. They spend most of the night talking. With their busy lives, there’s so much that gets lost in between.

They open a bottle of red wine and stare at the starry night over the sea, both reminiscing about how they even came together in the first place. They go to sleep in each other’s arms and every day feels like paradise.

They do end up going horse riding, unsurprisingly the horses listen to Jeonghan well. Joshua’s not as lucky but at least he never fell.

They alternate between wandering around and doing activities and just being at the hotel.

“I can’t believe you got Jeonghan to do all that,” Seungkwan chuckles.

Joshua turns to look at his best friend, who’s currently charming the hell out of Seungkwan’s family, “He was cooperative.”

“Of course he would be, with you,” Seungkwan rolls his eyes.

Joshua frowns, “He would with anyone.”

“You really don’t think you get special treatment?”

“Of course not,” Joshua shrugs, “Hannie’s a good friend.”

“He is,” Seungkwan agrees, “but.. come on, all of my cousins have come up to me tonight to tell me what a great couple you are.”

Joshua freezes, “What do you mean?”

“It’s just the vibe you give,” Seungkwan shrugs, “he’s soft for you and you look at him like he hung the stars in the sky.”

“That’s not true!”

“What’s not true?”

Joshua jumps at Jeonghan’s voice, “Nothing. I’m gonna go drink more.”

“What was that about?”

Seungkwan sighs, “I wish I knew.”

“What did you say to him?” Jeonghan glares at him.

“Nothing!” Seungkwan huffs.

Jeonghan mulls it over, “Fine, I’ll go find out from him.”

Joshua’s sitting in the bar area. The Boo family is celebrating some anniversary or whatever, Joshua has met so many of Seungkwan’s cousins and other relatives.

And they all believe he’s dating Jeonghan.

He takes a deep breath. This should not be happening. Jeonghan knows he likes men. He would be uncomfortable if he knew what people think. He would figure it all out.

Joshua’s terrified.

It’s their last full day in Jeju and Joshua’s spending it drinking at the bar of a family function.

“Shuji..”

“Mmh?”

“Can I sit here?”

“You don’t have to ask.”

“Right..” Jeonghan murmurs, sitting on the stool next to his, “what’s going on? You were having fun before you talked to Seungkwan.”

Joshua whines.

He might be more drunk than anticipated.

“Do you wanna go home?” Jeonghan looks at his watch, “it’s pretty late.”

“Yeah..”

“Let’s go,” Jeonghan smiles and moves to help him down the stool.

Joshua avoids his touch and stumbles around a little, putting as much distance between them as possible.

Jeonghan’s not sure of what’s going on.

“Seungkwan-ah,” he says, “we’re going. Thank you for the invite.”

“Of course,” Seungkwan nods, “take care of him.”

Jeonghan smiles, “I will, we’ll see you back in Seoul.”

“Yeah, bye.”

They manage to say goodbye to Seungkwan’s family, some of them at least, then take a cab back to the hotel.

Only when they’re in their room, Jeonghan speaks, “Wanna tell me what’s wrong?”

“No,” Joshua sits down on his part of the bed. The one they never used.

“Please,” Jeonghan sighs, “I know we’re close, Shua, but I can’t read your mind.”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Joshua insists, then disappears in the bathroom.

Jeonghan goes outside to look at the night sky. He convinced Seungkwan to let them come with him so that Joshua could finally relax. And it worked, for the most part.

But tomorrow morning they’ll be back in Seoul, things will pick up and leaving like this.. it will make everything even harder.

Jeonghan can hear all the little noises Joshua is making.

He waits some more, then gets ready for bed.

His side of the double bed has only one guest tonight. Jeonghan feels cold, yet doesn’t move over to Joshua’s side.

It takes him a few hours to fall asleep.

5

“This couldn’t have come at a worse time,” Jeonghan complains.

“Why?” Junhui asks. He doesn’t look like he’s particularly interested, but seeing Jeonghan lacking energy like this makes even him worried.

Jeonghan just stares at Joshua across the room.

Junhui follows his gaze, “Did you guys fight?”

“I’m not sure..”

Junhui frowns, “How do you not know?”

“Junie,” Jeonghan whines, “it started in Jeju.. he’s been avoiding me ever since.. well, as much as someone like him can.”

“Did anything happen?” Junhui’s not sure why he’s playing couple therapist.

He knows he should have listened to Seungcheol when he told them not to get involved with Jeonghan and Joshua’s business.

He never listens, though.

“We were at Seungkwan’s family party and everything was going fine,” Jeonghan explains, “it was going so well that literally everyone told me they thought Shuji and I were a couple.”

“Aren’t you?” Junhui frowns.

“Jun-ah,” Jeonghan rolls his eyes, “like, a romantic couple, not a duo.”

Junhui knows what he meant.

His question still stands.

Jeonghan throws another stare filled with longing to where Joshua and Seokmin are wrestling.

“Right,” Junhui lets it go, “then?”

“Then I left for a second and he talked to Seungkwan,” Jeonghan explains, “when I went to them, he started avoiding me. The day after we barely said a word to each other and since coming back here.. we’ve only met when we were told about this shoot. You were there, you saw how much he tried to get out of this.”

Junhui nods, “Have you asked Seungkwan what they talked about?”

“I did, he said they only talked about the trip.”

Junhui frowns, “Did something else happen on the trip?”

“No,” Jeonghan pouts, “we even did all the ridiculous activities Shua planned.”

“You?” Junhui’s eyebrow raise, “you did activities on vacation?”

Jeonghan just hits his arm.

“Of course you would with him,” Junhui snorts.

“Ya! What does that mean?”

Junhui shrugs, “You can’t say no to him. Maybe he found it weird that you went along with everything?”

“He was happy about it, though.”

Junhui shrugs, “Then I have no idea.”

“Thanks, great advice,” Jeonghan rolls his eyes.

“Just corner him when we finish the shoot and force him to talk.”

Jeonghan’s about to reply when they get called for hair and makeup.

The photoshoot goes by quickly. They mostly have group shots and a few individual ones.

Junhui is giving his all, Jeonghan’s trying but he’s obviously thinking about something else, Joshua’s cold and detached and Seokmin wishes this nightmare would stop.

“Seriously,” he says, “I feel like I’m hanging out with divorced parents.”

Junhui snorts, “It’s weird, definitely.”

“What are they even doing right now?” Seokmin takes a sip of his coke.

“Trying really hard to avoid each other?” Junhui tries.

On the other side of the room, Joshua has his phone in his hands but he’s obviously not using it. Jeonghan is pretending to choose food from the buffet just to stay close to Joshua.

“Is this the nightmare that Soonyoung warned us about?” Seokmin wonders.

“I think his nightmare was them being attached at the hip,” Junhui shrugs, “this is objectively worse.”

“It is,” Seokmin agrees, before being called back to shoot.

The last set of pictures is for all four of them. The photographer is studying them.

“Junhui and Seokmin on the sides,” he decides, “Joshua and Jeonghan center.”

They follow the instructions.

“Did you skip the touch up?” Jeonghan sighs, turning slightly around while the professionals talk, “your necklace’s a mess.”

Jeonghan quietly fixes the length of Joshua’s necklace. Not satisfied, he moves one of his ear piercings and tightens his watch.

Joshua rolls his eyes and fixes Jeonghan’s tie, before ironing the shirt with his hands, “Better.”

“You look better, too,” Jeonghan nods.

“Finally, a smile,” the camera director snaps the picture, “you two have been sad the whole day.”

Joshua and Jeonghan just nod, Jeonghan makes a dumb joke.

Seokmin and Junhui look at each other, so many questions in their eyes.

Junhui tries to shake it off. Physical touch is not something they’re not used to.

But them fixing each other’s clothes.. that looked intimate. And it made them smile.

Junhui shakes his head and focuses on the photoshoot again.

He tries to hide a smile but he knows that they’ll be just fine.

6

Jihoon is tired. So tired he might actually cry. His eyes are burning from staring at the screens the whole day.

But it’s fine, he can just power through it. That’s what he does every comeback, why should it be different this time?

The warmer weather is approaching, they’re all just starting to write songs and maybe even take some important decisions.

Everyone’s in high spirits and Jihoon is not going to slack off.

Hansol and Wonwoo have come up to him with a Unit song idea, while Jihoon has been working closely with Soonyoung for the title track and with Seungkwan and Seokmin for a vocal team song.

Yeah, maybe Jihoon is overdoing it.

But the vocal team song has overtaken him completely. He hasn’t been this excited about a song in a long time.

It’s the one they worked on the most, Seokmin already sang the guide even though a lot of lyrics are missing and Jihoon is expecting all the vocal team members over to maybe try and finish writing them.

“We’re here!” Jeonghan and Seokmin walk in together.

Jihoon nods and hands them the lyrics, “Look it over, I made some adjustments from last time.”

While they talk it over, Seungkwan joins too. A few minutes later, Joshua walks in.

“Let’s listen to the instrumental again,” Jihoon turns to his screen, “tell me what comes to mind.”

They do and Jihoon turns to look at them.

“It makes me sad,” Seokmin makes them laugh.

“I wouldn’t say sad,” Joshua butts in, “I think.. yeah, it’s sad but in an hopeful way.”

Jihoon nods, “I see that.”

“Like,” Jeonghan tries, “like it’s a shitty situation but you know it will get better.”

“Yeah..” Joshua murmurs, “there’s hope.”

“After waiting,” Jeonghan nods.

“Until the speaker is ready.”

Jihoon’s not sure if they’re still talking about the song.

They’re not even looking at each other.

Both Seungkwan and Seokmin look at him, pleading, so Jihoon clears his throat, “Sure, why doesn’t everyone write some lyrics and then we decide the theme better?”

He gives them all copies of the instrumental and sends them off.

Jihoon sighs.

Seriously, what the hell was that?

About a week later, Jihoon is inside his studio again.

This time he sang the guide for Snow, their new song. All the vocal unit members contributed to the lyrics, but Jihoon was especially surprised by Jeonghan and Joshua’s involvement.

Something’s definitely going on, but Seungcheol just told him to ignore them and work hard and Jihoon feels like he’s good at both of those things.

Joshua recorded his verses in the morning. Jeonghan’s coming in soon.

Since they’re busy filming other content and having photoshoots, it’s difficult to get everyone in and record. But the members are doing well, all creating a schedule for when they can do it.

“I’m here,” Jeonghan takes a sip of water, “am I recording the chorus?”

Jihoon nods. Of course all of them record the whole song, then decide on which sounds best and where.

Jeonghan gets into the booth, “Who was here before me?”

“Josh.”

“He left his notebook,” Jeonghan looks at it, opening and looking through until he finds all the things Joshua wrote down next to the lyrics— which words to emphasise, which have to be softer.

“He’s coming back later,” Jihoon shrugs.

Jeonghan reads the lyrics again. He’s proud of them.

He suggested the concept of the longing for the cold winter to end being like longing for someone.

After he said that, Joshua came in with a perfectly written chorus.

There are messages in the songs that only the two of them know about. When they watched the first snow together, whatever problem they’re having right now and the hope to give it time and solve it.

This is their song and no one knows.

There’s a line under the lyrics that makes Jeonghan frown for a second, “Did we change lyrics?”

“Nope.”

Jeonghan understands and smiles. The ‘you’ll do great, fighting!’ is not a new lyric. Joshua knew what he was doing when he left his notebook behind.

“Did everyone know the schedule today?” Jeonghan asks.

“Yeah,” Jihoon nods, “are you ready?”

Jeonghan can’t help but smile.

Joshua left him a message.

There is hope, after all.

Jihoon sighs once Seungkwan has left the studio. Snow has been recorded in its entirety. The parts have been chosen.

Jihoon deserves to rest, before he brings what they have to the company and make the song ready.

“Uh?”

Jihoon picks up a notebook, recognising it as Jeonghan’s. While picking it up, many post-it notes fall on the floor.

He guesses they must be Jeonghan’s instructions for the songs, but it’s clear that they’re not when the first one he picks up is a doodle of a tangerine.

Frowning, he quickly looks through the others.

‘I just heard you sing the pre-chorus, goosebumps!’

‘you did so much better on the ad-libs!’

‘good morning, you better have eaten breakfast’

‘make sure to drink lots of honey tea. if you’ve run out just steal soonyoung’s’

‘jihoonie says you’re being too hard on yourself. stop it, hannie. you’re great.’

‘shut up. thank you, shua. you too.’

‘i left some snacks for you and the entrance of the company. eat more, idiot’

‘this idiot is done recording. good luck on your last session! love you!’

Jihoon shakes his head. Were Jeonghan and Joshua exchanging notes? Are they middle schoolers?

Jihoon puts them all back into Jeonghan’s notebook, he’s sure he would want to keep the notes.

Well, at least they’re doing better now— Jihoon shrugs.

7

One day, Seokmin thinks, one day he’ll have to write a book about this.

This being getting caught in situations he does not want to be in. It seems to be happening a lot, recently.

But with the stress of the new album, they all felt like letting go. Seokmin came with Jeonghan’s car— his first mistake.

At one point, most of the members stood up and went out to get food. Seokmin should have gone with them— second mistake.

Because now he’s waiting for everyone to come back from the different places they went to get food from and in the karaoke room it’s just him, Joshua and Jeonghan.

Seokmin is up to date with whatever’s going on with them, Seungcheol actually made a group chat. Him, Soonyoung, Wonwoo, Junhui and Jihoon bet that they’ve been dating for years. Seungkwan, Minghao and Seokmin bet that there’s something going on but they aren’t dating yet. Mingyu, Hansol and Chan bet that it will take them at least six months to start dating.

So, Seokmin knows of the notes they left for each other at Jihoon’s studio. He understands that they just need to talk it out.

He never thought he would be there when that happened. Well, technically they aren’t talking it out, more like singing.

Every song they pick seems to be about their situation and they’re not shy to dedicate them to each other.

Seokmin updates the group: Jeonghan seems confused based on his song choices, Joshua is apologetic.

They keep going back and forth, singing song after song after song, as if the playlist had already been decided. (Seokmin suspects that it has. They’re both singers, this is how they express their feelings.)

“When are they coming?” Jeonghan asks him.

It’s the first time he’s looked at someone who isn’t Joshua ever since they arrived.

“Ten, fifteen more minutes?” Seokmin tries.

Jeonghan nods, “You wanna sing?”

Seokmin really doesn’t want to get in the middle of this. Also, the singing out their feelings seems cathartic. And something they need to do— apart from talking but that seems more difficult.

He just wished he wasn’t with them, “No, I’ve yelled too much already.”

“Shua?”

“Sure,” he shrugs, clearly not concerned at all about his vocal cords and their imminent comeback.

Joshua’s choice of song is I Will Go To You Like The First Snow and Seokmin can see Jeonghan’s eyes fog just at the title.

It snowed recently and Seokmin has seen the short videos that Jeonghan took of Joshua in the snow— he wonders how he could have been so oblivious. Jeonghan and Joshua have been the closest since their trainee days. They’ve always been special with each other.

It all kind of does make sense.

Joshua’s honey-like vocals that start the song become more powerful as it goes on. He seems sincere and once again, apologetic. There’s a lot of feelings and Jeonghan’s staring at him as if he’s experiencing the same breathlessness.

Joshua’s breathing harshly when it’s done, gaze fixed on Jeonghan and Seokmin kind of wants to lock the two of them in this room until there’s no more tension.

“We’re back,” Seungcheol looks apologetic, opening the door.

Mingyu, Soonyoung, Seungkwan and Minghao get in, with various types of food and drinks.

Seungcheol points to something behind his back, so Seokmin looks and finds Jeonghan and Joshua, sitting closely together, sharing a drink. They’re not speaking, but it’s obvious that they want to.

Maybe things will actually be alright.

“You think you were slick,” Jeonghan chuckles, “choosing those songs.”

“I didn’t,” Joshua shrugs, “I just copied you, you did it first.”

“Of course,” Jeonghan parks his car, “let’s go.”

They silently head upstairs to Jeonghan’s apartment. Joshua sits on the sofa and Jeonghan gets red wine for the both of them.

“I’m afraid that we’ll be kicked out of the group if we don’t solve this,” Jeonghan starts.

“Right,” Joshua nods, “the kids are all so worried about us.. it must be so overwhelming for them.”

“Joshuji,” Jeonghan looks straight at him, “what’s going on?”

Joshua takes a deep sigh, knowing there’s no bullshit with Jeonghan, “At Seungkwan’s family party.. I heard things.”

Jeonghan frowns, “Like?”

Joshua isn’t looking at him, “That everyone thought we were a couple.”

“I heard that too,” Jeonghan nods, “..was the thought so upsetting that you had to ignore me?”

The opposite, really.

“I just..” Joshua sighs, “I don’t want something like that to happen. It puts me in a weird position because I’m the one who’s not straight. It feels.. creepy. Like that I act weird around you. You must have been weirded out..”

“I just laughed it off,” Jeonghan shrugs, “I didn’t think it was this relevant, but I understand your point of view. Though, I was never uncomfortable.”

Joshua nods, feeling Jeonghan’s hand clench around his ankle, “I.. I realised how stupid, and unfair to you, it was.. but it was too embarrassing to talk about it.. so I never did.”

“Well, I’m glad we can talk things out like this,” Jeonghan drapes himself on Joshua, “you really.. you’re too considerate sometimes. We’ve been close for years, nothing has changed in the way we treat each other.”

Joshua chuckles, “Or maybe we’re just awkward with no problem solving skills.”

Jeonghan nods, “That too. It really hurt when you ignored me, you know?”

Joshua wraps his arm around Jeonghan, “I’m sorry. I truly am, I should have handled it better.”

“It’s fine,” Jeonghan leaves a quick kiss on Joshua’s shoulder, “we’re fine. We always will be.”

“Of course,” Joshua smiles.

It’s one of his midnight smiles, not as wide as the sunny ones but just as bright.

Jeonghan has them divided in folders in his brain.

“Let’s just not fight,” Jeonghan proposes, “well, not seriously.”

Joshua grabs his pinky, “Okay, we can do it.”

Turns out, talking does solve everything. Even a small dispute like this has turned into something that big. It took having to make poor Seokmin observe as they shamelessly dedicated songs to each other. But they do feel closer now.

Any time now, Jeonghan’s going to tell him his secret. He doesn’t know what he’s afraid of.

“Let’s just talk to each other if there is a problem,” Jeonghan continues, “and we can fix it like this, drinking red wine and cuddling on the couch.”

“How domestic,” Joshua comments.

Jeonghan’s smile is warm, “It is, isn’t it?”

Maybe, Joshua thinks, maybe Seungkwan’s family was right.

Because he’s starting to see it, too. He and Jeonghan act like a couple sometimes, not on purpose.

And to think he laughed in Hansol’s face when he hinted at it.

“Stop thinking, let me sleep.”

“I thought you only had hotel insomnia,” Joshua chuckles, “we’re in your apartment.”

“Right,” Jeonghan stands up and drags Joshua with him, “let’s go to bed.”

Joshua follows him all the way into his arms under the covers.

Yeah, Joshua wouldn’t mind it if all their arguments ended up like this.

Jeonghan wakes up and enjoys being in Joshua’s warm embrace for a few minutes. Looking at his face makes him smile: the long lashes, the delicate pout.

Jeonghan is so in love with him, it actually hurts.

And he keeps throwing himself into this kind of situations and they just make it worse, because it’s so easy to imagine. It’s easy to daydream about coming home from work together and drinking while looking at the stars and go to sleep together to wake up next to each other.

It’s what they do already, but Jeonghan craves the more intimate part of it. He would wake Joshua up with kisses, he would have him in his arms more.

Shaking his head, he untangles himself and makes his way downstairs.

He makes some toasts and scrambled eggs, coffee and puts some rice in the cooker.

“I was wondering where you went,” Joshua nods, stretching his arms.

A line of his stomach is exposed. And Jeonghan just.. wants.

“I was about to bring you breakfast.”

Joshua shrugs it off, grabbing the plates and sitting on the sofa, “Do we have schedules today?”

Jeonghan joins him and bites into a toast, “Later this afternoon.”

Joshua nods, “So we can just chill for now?”

“Yeah,” Jeonghan smiles.

Joshua puts on some show he usually watches in the morning, moving closer to Jeonghan once they’re done eating. They end up laying on each other, making stupid puns with the drama’s lines and giggling at them.

Joshua plays with his hair and Jeonghan takes advantage of his sensitive neck to tickle him.

It’s so domestic, Jeonghan kind of wants to cry.

Later that day, Seokmin stops him, “I’m happy you’re back.”

Jeonghan frowns, “I was never gone.”

Seokmin just stares down the room, where Joshua’s clinging to Seungcheol’s back like a koala.

He’s laughing like a child, nose scrunched up as Seungcheol playfully tries to get rid of him as he holds tight.

“Yeah,” Jeonghan sighs, “I’m happy we’re back, too.”

8

Minghao, at this point, is pretty sure it’s a curse.

No matter how many times they try their best, one of them will always somehow end up third-wheeling Jeonghan and Joshua.

It all had started three weeks prior, when Minghao excitedly was telling Mingyu and Jeonghan that he had signed up for some painting lessons. Both of them, knowing how much he wanted to take them, were happy for him.

So Minghao, now that the waters were calmer after their comeback, went to the arts center twice a week. And had already entered the teacher’s graces and made his first piece.

Of course all the other members quickly found out and encouraged him non-stop.

And that was when Yoon Jeonghan claimed that he wanted to learn, too. And Minghao, for whatever reason, just told him to come over since he was going to paint anyway.

And now Minghao’s opened the door to a smiling Jeonghan. And behind him, Joshua.

“Oh. You’re both here.”

“Big time,” Joshua lets himself in, “wow, your place is so clean.”

“That’s because you live in a dumpster,” Minghao sighs.

“My apartment is not a dumpster!” Jeonghan objects, “Shua, tell him how clean it is!”

“I thought we were talking about my apartment.”

“But you basically live with me.”

“You’re right,” Joshua’s smiling at Jeonghan.

Minghao clears his throat.

“Yes,” Joshua composes himself, “his apartment is really clean.”

“Okay..” Minghao nods, “should we just start?”

“You’re not even gonna give us snacks?”

“I’m leaving a negative review on this professor.”

Minghao doesn’t want to be dramatic but he kind of wants to die.

“There’s some leftovers from when I ordered Thai,” he sighs, “in the microwave.”

He observes as Joshua and Jeonghan quickly eat, telling each other dumb jokes and giggling over them.

Minghao, for his own sake, goes to set up another easel, boldly assuming that they won’t share one.

“Honestly,” he says once he’s done setting it up, “just do whatever you feel. You know how you feel free when we’re performing? It’s that feeling, kind of. Just express yourselves, it doesn’t have to be good.”

Jeonghan nods and immediately gets started, while Minghao explains some techniques to them.

“This is fun,” Jeonghan comments after a while, “Shuji, are you having fun?”

“Yeah,” Joshua nods, “it’s difficult but interesting.”

“You know what would be more interesting?”

“Mmh?”

Minghao doesn’t even look at them.

“If you had tattoos!” Jeonghan exclaims.

“Hannie!” Joshua whines.

That’s enough commotion to make Minghao turn around. And surely there’s some blue paint on Joshua’s bicep and Jeonghan is laughing, still holding his brush.

Minghao takes a deep breath, but he honestly knew he couldn’t count on them to stay serious this long.

Jeonghan is now holding Joshua down, while he draws something else on his arm. Joshua is giggling.

Minghao takes a look and of course, of course ‘Yoon Jeonghan’s property’ is now written on Joshua’s arm.

“Just the left one?” Joshua asks.

“I have to share your arms with the world,” Jeonghan shrugs, “Hao, haven’t his arms got bigger?”

“Sure,” Minghao shrugs, then looks at the paintings, “what were you even trying to do here?”

“Like.. a tornado of sad colours,” Jeonghan shrugs while Joshua is painting little hearts and other doodles on his arm, “you can see that I had started to make it spin before I lost focus.”

“Yeah,” Minghao nods, “and then?”

“Then I thought that the real masterpiece here is Shua so I should paint on him,” Jeonghan smiles.

“You idiot,” Joshua pretends not to be touched.

“Okay,” Minghao grabs a bottle of wine, he needs it, “you, Shua?”

“An ocean,” Joshua explains, “but with the wrong colours.”

“Ohh,” Jeonghan nods, “it looks cool.”

“You both actually did really well for the first lesson,” Minghao has to admit.

“Will there be others?” Joshua asks, still focused on drawing a cute little cactus on Jeonghan’s shoulder.

“Maybe..” Minghao tries to think of anything, “not soon since I have that schedule.. in China.”

“Sure,” Jeonghan stands up and helps Joshua, “we’ll take these home.”

“Is home my apartment or yours?” Joshua seems genuinely confused.

“We can put one in mine and the other in yours,” Jeonghan shrugs.

“Sure,” Joshua smiles.

“This has been fun,” Minghao is kicking them out, “unfortunately I promised Seokmin we’d practice martial arts. Bye!”

The door gets shut in their faces.

The paint on their arms will stay there for the rest of the day.

9

Mingyu is generally an unlucky person.

It doesn’t matter if he’s just trying to live his life or if he’s trying to entertain on stage or off— he just has no luck.

But nothing could have prepared him for this.

He’s over at Jeonghan’s apartment, staring at some weird artwork that looks unfinished— which Jeonghan seems to cherish.

“I don’t get it,” he comments.

“You don’t have to,” Jeonghan simply shrugs.

They’re about to discuss some drama they’ve both been watching, when Mingyu gets the fateful call.

It’s his apartment. Something in his main bathroom broke and they’ll have to wait until tomorrow to fix this.

“Fuck,” he complains once he ends the call, then explains the situation to Jeonghan.

“That’s shitty,” Jeonghan agrees, “you can just stay here if it’s easier.”

“Really?”

Jeonghan nods, “Why not?”

“Thanks,” Mingyu smiles.

Jeonghan just shrugs.

They spend the evening binge watching the drama and Mingyu is taken back to their old dorm, when they all lived together and watched the same things.

They’re about to start the new episode when the door opens and there he is, Joshua is smiling while carrying cartons of pizza.

“Oh,” Joshua smiles, “Mingyu’s here.”

“Yeah, there’s some shit going on at his place, he’s spending the night here,” Jeonghan explains.

“As long as he follows our routine,” Joshua shrugs.

“Your what now?”

“Shuji and I have a bedtime routine,” Jeonghan chuckles, “don’t worry, you can tag along.”

And so he does.

First, they switch the drama to another one that Joshua is also watching, while eating the pizza he brought.

“Step two,” Jeonghan announces, “massage to digest better.”

“It’s scientifically proven,” Joshua nods, his hands already on Jeonghan’s shoulders.

“I doubt it,” Mingyu sighs before joining the massage train.

The other activities are upstairs. They all cram into the bathroom and Mingyu is almost fascinated by their cooperation.

Joshua seems to know where everything is, even more than Jeonghan, and they both chuckle at each other while having their face masks on.

“My skin has been acting up lately,” Joshua comments.

“You have one pimple,” Jeonghan rolls his eyes.

“And it’s a problem,” Joshua insists, “do you still have that toner I made you buy?”

“Of course,” Jeonghan finds it easily, “I think I’m gonna wash my hair.”

He puts his head in the sink and Joshua starts wetting his hair, carefully making sure that the temperature is right.

Once he’s satisfied, Joshua gently but precisely massages the shampoo into his hair.

“You guys do this every time?” Mingyu can’t help but ask.

“Well, it depends on who needs to wash their hair,” Joshua shrugs.

“Mmh,” Mingyu nods.

“You want in, too?”

“I washed it yesterday,” Mingyu lies.

He doesn’t know why, but he feels like he’s intruding. He never knew that washing someone’s hair could be so intimate. But honestly it’s not just that.

It’s the fact that they spend so much time together to come up with a routine, that Joshua showed up out of the blue with food like it’s a normal occurrence. It’s the sly smiles while they try to make each other laugh while having the mask sheet on. It’s the intimate way in which Joshua is massaging Jeonghan’s scalp while he almost purrs.

It’s a lot, Mingyu suddenly understands the others.

“Drinking game?” Jeonghan proposes once Joshua is done drying his hair.

“I have to be home early tomorrow,” Mingyu excuses himself to one of the guest rooms, “thanks again, goodnight!”

“Maybe let’s not drink,” Joshua nods.

“Sure,” Jeonghan looks around, “what should we play?”

“How about..” Joshua looks around, “loser has to clean up?”

“Fine,” Jeonghan nods, “rock, paper, scissors?”

They go a few rounds, high pitched giggling the whole time, before they both realise that they know each other so well that no one could win.

“Never have I ever?” Jeonghan proposes, “with just one hand, though.”

“Fine,” Jisoo raises his hand.

“Never have I ever..” Jeonghan really doesn’t want to clean up, “drank half a tequila bottle while licking salt off my best friend.”

“Why do you keep reminding me of that?” Joshua whines, lowering one finger, “used my best friend as a heather and or pillow.”

“Mmh,” Jeonghan lowers his pinky, “ruined the mood at a family event.”

Joshua rolls his eyes, “Confessed my feelings through song covers at karaoke.”

“I feel like we both lose that one,” Jeonghan chuckles.

“That’s fair,” Joshua also lowers a finger.

Jeonghan has two fingers down, Joshua three.

“Never have I ever,” Jeonghan stops to think about it, “been awarded for being on someone’s mind too much.”

Joshua laughs, “How is that my fault?”

After reviewing their own rules, they decide that Jeonghan has to put down the finger since he was the culprit.

“Why do I feel like we’re both going to clean up?” Jeonghan sighs, only two fingers left.

“Never have I ever,” the light in Joshua’s eyes changes, “been jealous of my best friend’s ex fling.”

Jeonghan remains stunned for a second, then he lowers his finger and smiles, “So that’s what we’re doing now?”

Joshua’s smile is subtle, he nods. One finger still up.

“Fine, I’ll take you down with me, then,” Jeonghan gathers up the courage, “never have I ever had romantic feelings for someone who’s currently in this apartment.”

Joshua seems lost, Bambi eyes open wide, “Uh?”

“You know how this works,” Jeonghan doesn’t know where he’s finding this confidence, “if you have feelings for someone in this apartment, lower your finger.”

“You said you’d take me down with you..?” Joshua’s trying to put together the pieces.

Jeonghan sighs, “I know what I said.”

He puts down his last finger.

“You? Wait— no,” Joshua’s freaking out, “what?”

“Everyone said that it was so obvious there was no way you didn’t know about it..” Jeonghan takes a deep breath, “about my feelings.. for you.”

“I.. I really didn’t know about them,” Joshua nods.

Jeonghan looks up, hopeful.

Joshua lowers his last finger, “I was sure you knew.“

“I didn’t,” Jeonghan smiles, “not really.”

“So.. we both clean up?”

“Sure.”

They stand up and walk to the kitchen area, both going through the whole thing in their minds.

“So..” Joshua hesitates, “are we dating now?”

Jeonghan passes a plate for Joshua to put in the dishwasher and the touch of their fingers is electric, “Do you want to?”

“I do.”

“Then let’s date,” Jeonghan nods, a warm smile betraying his nonchalant attitude.

“Okay, let’s,” Joshua smiles back.

They barely speak as they get ready to sleep in Jeonghan’s bed.

“You know,” Joshua whispers, “maybe we really have been acting like this the whole time because not much has changed.”

Jeonghan turns around in his hold, to face him, “If it was all the same, I couldn’t do this.”

Their first kiss is gentle, quiet, smiling lips against each other’s, making it hard to kiss.

“Stop smiling!”

“I can’t,” Joshua chuckles, “I’m so happy.”

Jeonghan yawns, “Let’s talk more about it tomorrow.”

“Of course,” Joshua quickly leaves a peck on his forehead. Jeonghan almost squeals.

“You know, since it does feel the same as before,” Jeonghan smiles, “do you wanna go on a date? With me?”

“Of course,” Joshua smiles.

“Then look forward to it!”

“I will,” Joshua promises, “now sleep.. boyfriend?”

Jeonghan giggles, “You too, boyfriend.”

And maybe they could have been less casual about it, but Joshua likes how it went down because it’s so them. They were alone at night, playing a stupid game and that was the perfect moment to confess.

Because it’s casual but sincere and warm and cozy like the bed they share.

10

“I don’t understand why I’m here,” Hansol admits, for the fifth or sixth time now.

“You’re helping me,” Joshua insists, staring at his collection of shirts.

“I thought you were gonna get dinner with Jeonghan.”

“I am,” Joshua nods, grabbing a light blue one, “how does it look?”

“Like all the others you’ve shown me,” Hansol sighs, “you and Jeonghan basically live together, why are you dressing up?”

“We’re going out to eat.”

“You do that all the time!”

“It’s different,” Joshua sighs.

“How?”

“You’re not helpful at all,” Joshua goes to collapse on his bed.

“I’m sorry,” Hansol rolls his eyes, “you’re just not making any sense. Scratch that— you’re making less sense than usual.”

Joshua whines.

He and Jeonghan decided to keep their new relationship a secret, just until they both figure out exactly what they’re doing. It’s been around a week and they’re working on it.

Because everything’s as it always was and yet it’s completely different.

Sure, Hansol is right when he says that Joshua and Jeonghan getting dinner together is a common occurrence. But it’s never been an official date.

And Joshua’s not nervous, he knows his relationship with Jeonghan too well for that. But at the same time he feels his whole body jittering.

Again, sharing the bed isn’t new. A little make out session as soon as they’ve brushed their teeth is. Cuddling isn’t new. But the soft whispers and light neck kisses are.

Joshua stands up again and goes back inside his closet room.

“Look,” Hansol is kind of fed up at this point, yet still trying to be useful, “I know you might think that a white button up is boring, but you look good in it. You can roll your sleeves a little to be more casual.”

Joshua tries it, “It’s.. bland.”

“I’m sorry, do you wanna dress like a clown?” Hansol grabs some black slacks, “here. Casual but you look good. Put that sparkly thing you like on your cheekbones and you’re good to go.”

Fifteen minutes later, Hansol is fixing his hair.

“I do look good,” Joshua admits.

Hansol rolls his eyes, “You do. Also Jeonghan has seen you at your worst so why the fuck are you even doing all this for?”

“Why are you so snappy today?” Joshua huffs, “oh, this earring looks great on me.”

“I’m not snappy, you’re just being weird!”

“I knew I should have called Seokmin,” Joshua rolls his eyes, “he wouldn’t treat me like this.”

“Yeah and he also wouldn’t give you good fashion advice.”

Joshua giggles.

Hansol finally smiles, “I think you’re good to do. He’s picking you up?”

“Yeah,” Joshua’s smile is shy.

“Why does it sound like a date?” Hansol jokes.

Joshua panics, “What? A date?” he laughs loud and weird, “that’s so funny.”

Hansol frowns, “Are you okay?”

“Of course, of course,” he switches to English for some reason, “you’ve done your part now, you can go.”

Hansol has never been more confused. And he’s been around twelve mentally unstable people for years.

The doorbell rings, “Can you get that?” Joshua asks while choosing between his six favourite perfumes.

“Sure,” Hansol shrugs, “it’s Jeonghan, should I tell him to come up?”

“Nope,” Joshua rushes to the intercom and moves Hansol away, “Hey, I’ll come down soon.”

“Does he have flowers..?” Hansol asks.

Joshua physically moves him as far as possible from the little screen, “That’s ridiculous, why would he?”

Hansol’s starting to put the pieces together.

“I’m going, bye!” Joshua grabs his jacket and straight up runs downstairs, “lock the door!”

As annoying as they are, Hansol can’t help but smile at their antics.

“You shouldn’t have,” Joshua’s smelling his bouquet while Jeonghan drives them, “thank you.”

“I knew you’d like them,” Jeonghan smiles, “was that Hansol on the intercom?”

“Yeah,” Joshua nods, hiding his face in the flowers, “he just showed up.”

“Did you call him to help get ready?” Jeonghan knows him too well.

“I did,” Joshua pouts, “he was useless.”

Jeonghan snorts, one hand instinctively going to rest on Joshua’s thigh, “You’re cute.”

“Don’t say shit like that,” Joshua whines, “why do I feel like an anime girl?”

Jeonghan chuckles, “I bet you’d make the best anime girl.”

“Fuck no,” Joshua shivers as an unfortunate flashback appears in his brain.

Jeonghan keeps laughing because he also thought of that moment.

“I really like your blond hair,” Joshua comments, “I haven’t told you yet.”

Jeonghan scrunches his nose, “Don’t get all cheesy on me now.”

“You literally said that you didn’t know which one was the real flower while talking about my face!” Joshua exclaims, “you don’t get to decide what’s cheesy.”

“Fine,” Jeonghan nods, “I admit defeat.”

“As you should,” Joshua chuckles, “you’re no match for me.”

“I will actually throw you off the car,” Jeonghan smiles sweetly.

“Do that,” Joshua nods, “and then you’ll have dinner all alone and everyone’s gonna look at you with pity in their eyes. Next thing you know, Dispatch shares the picture and now all the fans will also pity you.”

“You’ve gotten better at talking nonsense,” Jeonghan starts to park the car.

“I’m sorry but I never told you how hot I think you are when you’re parking,” Joshua looks at him, “like, you can just look at the screen but you actually turn to look back and I’ve been dying over here for years.”

Jeonghan bursts out laughing, “I don’t get it but I get the feeling. There are so many things I haven’t told you all this time and now I’m.. kind of excited that I can?”

“Tell me everything,” Joshua nods, “go on, praise me.”

Jeonghan finally stops the car, “I think your praise kink is pretty hot,” then bolts out of the car.

Joshua rests his head against the window.

He’s going to die tonight.

“And that’s how Seokmin ended up adopting the lama and the three ducks,” Jeonghan finishes his story, bringing his wine glass closer.

“I always wondered what the story was,” Joshua nods, “..this is nice.”

Jeonghan looks down, “It is. It.. feels like us but different? Like a new us?”

“Yeah,” Joshua gets it, “like we’re talking shit about our friends while having dinner but we’re also holding hands. Turns out we can do both.”

They are holding hands over the table. It makes it difficult to eat and drink but they need to constantly somehow touch each other, it’s been way overdue.

“I keep thinking that the confession could have been better,” Jeonghan admits.

Joshua looks offended, “No, it was perfect! It’s just.. we’re a special case, aren’t we? It would never have happened in another way. I love how.. us it was.”

“You’re right,” Jeonghan nods, “I just hope you know that despite that, I’m taking this very seriously.”

Joshua holds back a squeal, “I know. I am too. I feel.. too much for you to not take this seriously.”

“Do you have a moment when you kinda.. realised?” Jeonghan takes the last sip of his wine— he’s driving so he only had one glass.

“I do,” Joshua smiles, “it’s dumb.”

“Tell me!”

“Remember the old dorm?” Joshua can’t help but smile, “it was.. a few years ago, we had just moved in. No one knew, but I was seeing some guy back then, an actor, and one day Seungcheol and I were watching a drama that he was in. And Cheollie kept saying how handsome he was, or something like that, and I said something like he had nothing on you. And Cheol was kind of surprised by that and asked me to choose between that guy and you and, without even thinking I told him that I’d rather date you. And I was actually dating the other guy. So I went into panic mode for a few days, I really avoided you and I broke up with the actor. And I was kind of sad and I couldn’t sleep and I remember that you came downstairs and I tried to apologise for ignoring you and you flicked me in the forehead, called me stupid and dragged me to cuddle with you while telling me how much of an idiot I was. And that was.. when I knew.”

Jeonghan snorts, “So you realised you had feelings for me when I hit you and insulted you?”

“Basically, yeah,” Joshua nods, “you?”

“This is embarrassing,” Jeonghan huffs, “we were on tour, I don’t remember which one but it was early on, and back then we still shared rooms and I was with Cheol. We stayed in Japan for a week or something and Cheol would tease me about how much I invited you over and I told him about my hotel beds situation and he called bullshit. And.. he was kind of right? Because one night you didn’t come and I slept just fine?”

“What?” Joshua almost stands up, shocked by the revelation.

“No, wait, hear me out,” Jeonghan raises his hands, “it’s not complete bullshit. I do have a harder time sleeping outside of my.. well, and your house, too. It’s just not.. as critical as I made it sound all these years? But yeah, so Cheol sat me down and gave me a list of reasons why he thought I was in love with you. And I obviously denied but then I started writing my own list.. and I still have it on my phone, I think we’re past five hundred reasons as of right now. So for me it wasn’t like, just one moment but more like me slowly realising, over the years, how much I was in love with you and the little, adorable, dumb things that you do.”

Joshua’s eyes shine, “Right. We actually haven’t said it. But I am, too.”

“Huh?”

“In love with you.”

“Oh,” Jeonghan looks away, trying to calm the fuck down, “well, thank fuck because it would be awkward otherwise. I’m kind of gone for you?”

“So you still have that list in your notes?” Joshua grins.

“I shouldn’t have told you,” Jeonghan sighs, “yes, I have it. No, you will never see it.”

Joshua stares at him.

“Put that pout away, it won’t work this time!” Jeonghan orders.

“Fine,” Joshua huffs.

(He will, eventually, come to read the full list.)

“It’s kind of funny how Cheollie was there for both of us when we realised,” Jeonghan points out.

“Right,” Joshua nods, “he must have suffered a lot because of us putting him through things, we should get him something nice.”

They both look at each other for a few seconds before they both start laughing. Because they’re assholes.

“Right,” Joshua’s almost in tears, “a nice slap in the face!”

Jeonghan can’t stop laughing.

“He must hate us,” Joshua starts to calm down.

“I don’t think so, he’ll be happy for us,” Jeonghan nods.

“He’ll be so surprised!”

“About that.. when are we gonna tell them?” Jeonghan asks.

“I don’t think they know or like, suspect anything,” Joshua hums, “maybe we can prank them somehow. They don’t even know I’m bi and you’re..?”

“Not sure,” Jeonghan nods, “for a long time I’ve just.. wanted you. And no one else.”

“Sure,” Joshua squeezes his hand, “no need to label it.”

Jeonghan smiles, “But yeah.. we have to find a chaotic way to tell them. We can’t get caught!”

“Ooh,” Joshua smirks, “that will be fun.”

“We’re both pretty good liars,” Jeonghan acknowledges, “I think we can keep it a secret for some time, before we decide how to do the big reveal.”

“We’ll have to make them go insane,” Joshua’s eyes lit up, “I want a big reaction.”

Jeonghan nods, “Let’s create chaos and confusion.”

“You had me at chaos,” Joshua squeezes his hand again.

Jeonghan smiles at him.

Yeah, nothing’s really changed.

Around midnight, the “bet, angel emoji, deer emoji, dollars emoji, heart emoji, question mark emoji, gay couple with children emoji” groupchat (Seokmin named it) receives a notification.

From: Hansol
their first date was today, exactly eight months since we made the bet, pay up losers

Seungcheol, Wonwoo, Soonyoung, Junhui and Jihoon are flabbergasted that they lost, as they were sure Jeonghan and Joshua had been dating for an estimate of at least four years.

Seungkwan, Minghao and Seokmin, who bet that something was going on but they weren’t dating, appeal their case, since they technically were kind of right, and get the prize money halved.

Mingyu, Hansol and Chan, who bet it would take at least six months since the creation of the group chat for Jeonghan and Joshua to actually date, all receive their payment for being right.

Hansol goes to sleep soundly, feeling like he’s accomplished something great.

11

Chan doesn’t usually do this, no matter how much his members have been making up rumours about him.

Most days he feels too tired to stay up later than 2am, but this time it was an exception.

They’re all in some woody area around Seoul. They filmed three of the days for TTT, but have decided to rent the house for a few more days, to stay just them, no staff, actually having a small vacation.

The house is huge, there’s individual rooms for everyone and yes, they stayed up drinking, but no one was expecting otherwise.

Still, somehow Junhui convinced him and Mingyu to go find the nearest bar and they stayed there and drank so much that at some point the place was closing and they were kicked out.

So the three of them stumbled back to the house and Junhui passed out on the couch while Mingyu went to take a shower because he’s weird like that. Chan should probably go make sure that he won’t slip and fall— but he can’t be bothered. Mingyu’s a big boy, he can handle a shower.

Chan sneakily walks up the stairs to the second floor where his room is.

He hears a sound he can’t quite place, so he turns to the other end of the corridor.

He’s so out of it that he doesn’t even register what’s happening, but he is wondering who is making noise at, he checks his phone, 5:36am.

He knows his members, none of them are awake at this hour.

He pads to the last door and rests his ear on it. There’s another weird noise and Chan only has two possible options in mind: someone’s either getting murdered or is fucking someone else. The first one makes more sense in his head, they’ve all seen Seungkwan angry and he didn’t see anyone meet someone to bring home.

He quietly opens the door and what he sees is.. nothing that he expected.

Because, again it’s 5am, and Jeonghan’s chasing Joshua around the room with a pillow in his hands, swinging it randomly and trying to hold back his giggles. Joshua, who seems to have lost his own pillowy weapon, is trying really hard to avoid the attacks.

“What the fuck..?” Chan is not sure if this thing is happening or if he’s already asleep.

He’s heard Wonwoo explain what a sleep paralysis demon is and he knows that, out of all the members, Joshua and Jeonghan would totally be his demons.

Especially them running silently (or as silent as they can) around Jeonghan’s room, chasing each other and hitting the one that gets caught with either a pillow or whatever is closest to them— clothes, books, used socks.

Chan is about to go in and join the game because it does look kind of fun, when it’s Jeonghan’s turn to get caught and Joshua pushes him against the wall until Jeonghan has no room to move.

Chan is confused.. until he isn’t. Because Joshua grabs Jeonghan and kisses him. And Jeonghan doesn’t push him away, he just loses his hands in Joshua’s hair and moans softly and suddenly everything makes sense.

Chan leaves as fast as he can.

When Chan wakes up and heads downstairs, lunch is almost ready.

“Finally,” Minghao sighs, “we’ve been waiting forever for you.”

“Sorry,” Chan quickly sits down, he turns to find Mingyu, “oh, you’re okay.”

Mingyu seems confused, “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I was worried you’d die in the shower,” Chan admits.

Everyone seems confused so Junhui takes over and tells everyone about their early morning adventures.

Chan’s gaze inevitably falls on Jeonghan and Joshua, who are sitting next to each other and looking a bit startled.

“What time did you come back?” Joshua asks, pouring himself some water to try and look unaffected.

“5:30?” Junhui shrugs, “something like that.”

“Oh,” Jeonghan nods, “and.. you all went straight to sleep?”

Chan is kind of proud that, for the first time, he’s the only one who knows what’s going on.

“I took a shower,” Mingyu replies, “Junie slept on the couch and Chan.. I think he went upstairs?”

“Yes,” Chan smiles, “to my room. Upstairs.”

“Why do you look like that?” Seungcheol laughs.

“Me?” Joshua tries to act shocked, “I’m just.. shocked. At.. how late they stayed out for.”

“Sure,” Seungcheol studies him.

“Food’s ready!” Seungkwan and Seokmin are both carrying the food they made to the table. Hansol follows them with even more plates stacked up.

Chan decides to have fun. He’s munching on his fried chicken when he suddenly chuckles.

“What’s wrong with you, now?” Minghao sighs.

“Nothing,” Chan turns to Joshua and Jeonghan, showing them the chicken bone, “remember when you guys used to hit each other with this?”

“That was weird,” Soonyoung murmurs.

“That was so long ago,” Jeonghan chuckles, “why would you bring it up now?”

“It just came to my head,” Chan shrugs, “you two hitting each other with weird things.”

“It was funny,” Junhui admits.

Jeonghan and Joshua both tense and Chan is onto them.

“So,” Jeonghan nods, “how do we feel about this ramen? Because I think it’s a bit overcooked.”

“Right!” Joshua claps his hands, “let’s talk about that. Food. Yummy.”

Literally everyone stops to look at him.

“Are you sick?” Seokmin asks.

“What’s going on with you now?” Hansol looks at the ceiling as if it was the sky.

“Shua’s just tired,” Jeonghan tries to fix it, “he didn’t get much sleep last night and his brain short circuited.”

“Makes sense,” Jihoon nods.

“I bet he didn’t get much sleep,” Chan smiles so wide it actually hurts his cheeks.

“Okay,” Mingyu shakes his head, “what is going on? You two are being weirder than usual and Channie looks like the Joker.”

“I have no involvement in Chan’s madness,” Jeonghan shrugs.

“Me neither,” Joshua nods.

“Madness,” Chan does his best movie villain laugh, “crazy coming from you.”

“Okay, I wasn’t that invested in this but now I’m curious,” Junhui crosses his arms, “what’s going on?”

“Isn’t this fun?” Chan smiles, “I think it’s fun.”

“Stop being so cryptic,” Jihoon rolls his eyes.

“Someone’s not getting lines this comeback,” Seokmin stage-whispers.

“I think it’s interesting what people are up to when no one’s watching,” Chan has to have the upper end.

Jeonghan figures it out first, “He knows.”

“He knows?” Joshua chokes on rice, “him?”

Jeonghan nods, “You brat, what do you know?”

“Do you want me to say it?” Chan smirks.

“Is this about them dating?” Wonwoo wonders out loud.

Everyone stops.

“He knows too?” Joshua’s a goner. He still has food in his mouth.

Jeonghan starts hitting his back to save him.

“Wait,” Seungcheol stands up, “so it’s real? You’re really dating?”

“..yes,” Jeonghan lowers his head, ready for the general confusion and hundreds of questions.

That.. never come.

“So the money was right,” Seungcheol sits back down.

“What money?” Joshua is surprisingly still alive.

“We had a bet going on,” Junhui shrugs, “it was a whole thing.”

“You bet on us?” Jeonghan looks offended.

“I guess you two never realised how obvious you are,” Seungcheol shrugs.

“How long have you known?” Joshua asks.

“Like.. four years?” Jihoon shrugs.

“We’ve been dating for a month.”

“Well,” Seungkwan shrugs, “you’ve been acting like a couple for way longer than that.”

“I can’t believe you expected us to be surprised by this,” Seungcheol chuckles, “I’m the one who made you, you should thank me.”

Jeonghan looks ready to swing at him but Joshua holds him back, “Later.”

“Well,” Chan huffs, “this is anti-climatic, I thought I had the scoop after spying on you this morning.”

“Oh, that’s what all that was about,” Minghao nods, “you’re all idiots.”

“Why would you spy on a couple?” Seokmin looks disgusted.

“In my defence,” Chan starts, “I was very drunk and they were just playing around at first. I left when they started making out.”

Joshua’s more red than the sauce on his fried chicken, “You saw that?”

“I left as soon as I heard Jeonghan moan!”

Everyone groans and Jeonghan, for the third time since they’ve known him, blushes.

“Why would you say that?” Soonyoung looks close to tears.

“Shut up, they’re cute,” Seokmin smiles, “I wanna see the kiss!”

“No fucking way,” Jeonghan glares at him.

“Thank god,” Soonyoung can sigh in relief.

“Okay, but tell us more,” Seungcheol smiles, “I didn’t suffer all these years for nothing.”

“There’s nothing to say,” Joshua can’t even lift his face, “we’ve been dating for a month, it’s still pretty new but everything’s been going well. We were going to tell you eventually, we just didn’t know when.”

“Also we genuinely had no idea that you knew,” Jeonghan adds, hand resting on Joshua’s thigh.

“Dummies,” Seungcheol nods, “but it’s cute.”

“Yeah, you make a cute couple,” Junhui nods.

“Thank you,” Jeonghan bows his head, “we’re honestly.. aware that we are indeed a superior couple.”

Everyone starts groaning and rolling their eyes.

“Can we go back to run away from them now?” Minghao asks.

“Yes please,” Hansol nods.

“Oh, is that what you guys were doing?” Joshua asks.

“How did you not notice?” Jihoon looks close to tearing his hair out of frustration, “seriously, two of the smartest on the team but you’ve been so oblivious about all this? It doesn’t make sense.”

“It’s love,” Seokmin announces, “it doesn’t have to make sense.”

“Ew,” Joshua comments, making them all laugh.

“I’m the only one on your side!” Seokmin protests, “I’m the child in the family emoji!”

“The what now?” Jeonghan’s confused.

“Whatever,” Seungcheol stands up, “good luck for your relationship, please never let me witness things that you would make me witness. You two are on clean up duty.”

“Why?” Jeonghan whines.

“Yeah, sounds good,” Soonyoung stands up, “good luck!”

“Fighting!” Jihoon smiles, leaving the room while chuckling with Minghao.

“The soap is under the sink,” Hansol tells them as Seungkwan drags him away.

“I have nothing to say,” Junhui grins, leaving with Mingyu.

“Do you need help?”

Jeonghan chuckles, “It’s fine, Seokmin-ah, you can go.”

“I’m actually sorry about this morning,” Chan confesses, “I was just playing around, I didn’t mean to out you.”

Joshua chuckles, “It’s fine, don’t worry about it.”

“You brat,” Jeonghan adds, fondly.

As the only one left, Wonwoo leans a bit closer to them, “I’m actually your biggest fan, don’t tell anyone.. or do it, but they’ll never believe you.”

He’s gone before either of them can say something.

“So that was.. a lot,” Joshua nods, starting to clean up the table.

“Yeah,” Jeonghan’s washing the dishes, “..are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Joshua smiles, “I mean, I knew they would tease us. It was.. exactly what I expected.”

“Except for Wonwoo being on our side,” Jeonghan nods.

“Yeah, that was the actual craziest thing that happened today,” Joshua quickly puts the tables back in their place and goes into the kitchen, “need help?”

“No,” Jeonghan smiles at him, “I’ll be done soon.”

Joshua hums and hugs him from behind, “I’m actually glad they found out this way. It was weird keeping secrets from them.”

“Right,” Jeonghan nods, “can’t believe we had an evil plan to make them suffer but Chan ended up ruining everything.”

Joshua chuckles, his cheek pressing on Jeonghan’s shoulder, “..I love you.”

Jeonghan takes off the gloves and turns around, “I love you too.”

Joshua sighs, “Hey, we can still torture them, though.”

“Right,” Jeonghan laughs, “let’s give them all a break, though. They’ve been through enough.”

“Sounds good,” Joshua nods, “and I agree with you, we are the superior couple.”

“Of course,” Jeonghan reaches to play with his hair, “and, I mean, it was clear that they were all happy for us.”

“Yeah,” Joshua leans closer, “I hope no one’s spying on us.”

“Why?” Jeonghan grins.

Joshua just kisses him.

And he tastes sweet, his arms around him feel warm and like the place Joshua wants to stay in forever.

“I love you,” Jeonghan whispers between kisses.

Joshua chuckles, eyes shining, “Mmh, me too.”

And they’re in a rented house with eleven people they love and they just shared everything and yet it still feels like home. No matter where they are, at their apartments, in hotels all over the world, in recording studios and karaoke places, in this random kitchen— they’re still each other’s home.

“Okay,” Jeonghan nods, “now let’s plan how exactly we’ll torture them.”

And Joshua laughs, heart full, feeling warm.