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OliverQueenOfficial: Why does that one Gotham villain go by Canary? Black Canary already exists.
TheBetterCanary: if youre gonna vague tweet maybe dont put my name in it
TheBetterCanary: but anyways someone else named me that and it stuck before i could think of something to change it to
ScareCrane:… @/RiddleMeThis she’s dissing you
RiddleMeThis: LISTEN UP. IT WAS THEMATIC. DON’T ANY OF YOU KNOW ANYTHING OF DRAMA? EVER HEAR ABOUT CANARIES IN COAL MINES? FUCK ALL OF YOU AND YOUR UNCULTURED, UNEDUCATED ASSES. NOT TO MENTION IT WAS MAKING FUN OF THE BIRD THEME ALL THE VIGILANTES HER AGE SEEM TO HAVE. (1/14)
TheBetterCanary: @/ScareCrane why would you do that you knew he was going to do this
ScareCrane: Joker just broke out so Arkham is boring… needed to entertain myself somehow
TheBetterCanary: fuck you im not visiting this weekend
OliverQueenOfficial: Wow do I regret asking. I didn’t need all this family drama in my comments.
~
TheBetterCanary: @/Yummmmmm enemies to lovers 180k with me
Yummmmmm: I hate you
TheBetterCanary: and so it begins
~
TheBetterCanary: gonna lace a cross with kryptonite i think that would be so funny
TheBetterCanary: the christians would so cancel superman if he had to shy away from a cross
Yummmmmm: Isn’t he already canceled because he’s Jewish
Supes: Please stop reminding them.
~
TheBetterCanary: @/Yummmmmm stop hacking into my twitter to unblock nightwing he keeps liking my tweets hating on him
*liked by Daylightwing*
TheBetterCanary: you guys think youre so funny
*liked by Daylightwing*
~
Gothamlite: Red Robin and Nightwing really said I will hack Canary’s twitter but not to figure out her location, no we must mildly inconvenience her by unblocking Nightwing.
TheBetterCanary: to be fair the unblocking nightwing thing is far more annoying to me
*Liked by Daylightwing*
TheBetterCanary: motherfucker
~
TheBetterCanary: where are you guys @/ScareCrane @/RiddleMeThis
ScareCrane: Arkham…
TheBetterCanary: leave i want to talk to you
RiddleMeThis: We can’t just leave.
TheBetterCanary: yeah you can all you gotta do is get out
RiddleMeThis: It’s not that easy for us.
TheBetterCanary: oh right
TheBetterCanary: want me to help you guys out
ScareCrane: Yes please
~
ArkhamStaffHateClub: and, in today’s news, the day canary is spotted walking into arkham is the same day there was a breakout
TheBetterCanary: i have no clue why they even let me in anymore
Gothamlite: @/GCPDNews @/Batman7 @/Oracle @/Yummmmmm
TheBetterCanary: hey youre nineteen right
Gothamlite: Yes?
TheBetterCanary: fair game
~
TheBetterCanary: tim drake 🤝 red robin
throwing coffee cups in random trash cans so their families don't know how much they’re drinking
Yummmmmm: Snitch
~
ScareCrane: Well, if nothing else, giving Canary therapy has been interesting…
SpoilerAlert: did you learn anything
ScareCrane: I confirmed that she’s a pathological liar…
~
TheBetterCanary: @/BrucieWayne give me a hundred million dollars and ill stop doing crime
BrucieWayne: Done.
TheBetterCanary: i take it back five hundred million
BrucieWayne: Sure.
TheBetterCanary: a billion
BrucieWayne: Alright.
TheBetterCanary: what the fuck
~
NightwingsAss9384: does anyone know why nightwing and canary hate each other?
ScareCrane: She stabbed Batman once on accident and somehow got away with blaming it on him
Daylightwing: She refuses to let B adopt her.
RiddleMeThis: They think it’s funny when their stans fight.
SignalOfficial: They said ‘I’m the only flippy bitch allowed in New Jersey’ and have been fighting ever since
Yummmmmm: He has to or else Robin will get jealous because he’s the only stabby sibling allowed
Oracle: They’re fighting over who gets to change their name to ‘The Dodo’ first.
DeadHood: Nightwing is jealous that Canary was the first one of us to think to have a full-on bird mask.
TheBetterCanary: every time i go into the batfam tag to try and avoid them all i see is his fancams
SpoilerAlert: they’re both convinced that they’re the hottest bachelor/bachelorette in gotham
NightwingsAss9384: im beginning to think no ones going to tell me.
BlackBat: :)
~
RiddleMeThis: I can’t believe Spoiler likes me more than my own daughter.
SpoilerAlert: i just think you’re better than cluemaster was, i don’t like you
ScareCrane: To be fair he didnt say you had to like him… just that you liked him more than Canary
ScareCrane: Anyways, what did you do @/TheBetterCanary
TheBetterCanary: hes just being dramatic because i solved one of his riddles too quickly
RiddleMeThis: IT IS COMMON ETIQUETTE TO LET SOMEONE FINISH TALKING BEFORE YOU ANSWER THEM.
~
TheBetterCanary: beat the shit out of a joker stan today so i think my life is going pretty good
SpoilerAlert: 👨🦯👨🦯
Daylightwing: As You Should.
Oracle: Oh dear, seems like I’ve gone blind now, too.
Batman7: As long as no one died...
DeadHood: Not as good as beating the shit out of the real thing, but still pretty good.
BlackBat: :D
TheOneTrueRobin: Good for her.
~
TheBetterCanary: we all know that there is a tier list of rogue stans
TheBetterCanary: like poison ivy and mr freeze stans are all just leftists that want a healthy world and for people to not die because theyre poor
TheBetterCanary: harley quinn stans want her to achieve personal growth and thats respectable i guess
TheBetterCanary: then theres my stans and thats just because half of them arent even aware im a villain they just think im some influencer thats very committed to a bit and the other half are just horny which is fair i guess
TheBetterCanary: then theres every other stan right
TheBetterCanary: and of course at the bottom are joker stans because theyre nazis
Joker: WHAT
TheBetterCanary: did you not know
Joker: GIVE ME A MINUTE
TheBetterCanary: wait no dm me where you are i want to punch a couple of them too
~
BlackGatePrison: We have made this account to kindly ask Canary to stop helping Yakuza members break out of prison.
TheBetterCanary: no their restaurants make good food
~
TheBetterCanary: in case you were wondering rogues do in fact reuse a lot of their speeches
TheBetterCanary: especially @/RiddleMeThis he reuses the same like five riddles over and over again
RiddleMeThis: Why would you expose your own father like this?
TheBetterCanary: im sick of those riddles get new ones you unoriginal fuck
~
TheBetterCanary: you just lost the game
RiddleMeThis: FUCK YOU.
~
Supes: Why are Rogues… like that?
TheBetterCanary: mental illness
Supes: I see.
~
GotHam: Does anyone know Canary’s tragic backstory?
TheBetterCanary: i met a parisian once
DeadHood: Know what? I think she should be allowed to commit crimes. I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
TheBetterCanary: thanks for offering support during these trying times
~
TheBetterCanary: friendly reminder that i can and have benched batman so fucking with me is a bad idea
RiddleMeThis: Bullshit.
TheBetterCanary: meet me at the park ill prove it
TheBetterCanary: @/Batman7 get the stick out of your ass and get over here itll be fun
GothamGazette: Canary can, in fact, bench Batman. See the attached article for how they discovered this fact and how their respective friends and family reacted.
~
TheBetterCanary: calling him the riddler implies that there are other riddlers that are less important therefore it is stupid and i refuse to say the the part aloud
RiddleMeThis: Someone got onto you about your grammar again, didn’t they?
TheBetterCanary: you dont get to be condescending until you win against the bats even once
~
RedRobinsCape: red robin gives off so much Bi Wife Energy it’s insane
Yummmmmm: What do you mean bi wife energy, Red Robin IS bi
TheOneTrueRobin: This is not your private account.
Yummmmmm: Fuck
~
GothamTimes: We are pleased to announce that Robin has officially come out as bisexual!
Yummmmmm: Hate to tell you this @/GothamTimes but you forgot part of my name
TheOneTrueRobin: No. I stole the bisexuality from you when you became Red Robin.
TheBetterCanary: hold up guys maybe they just think that all of the robins are bi
DeadHood: Being bi is actually a little-known prerequisite for being Robin.
SpoilerAlert: roBIn
Daylightwing: @/TheBetterCanary Youre bi right?
TheBetterCanary: all these years avoiding being adopted by batman and its my sexuality that screwed me over
~
TheBetterCanary: why go to a professional doctor who spent years getting their degree when you can get fixed up by a guy named brett in his mothers garage
~
Yummmmmm: @/TheBetterCanary If you could do one crime without consequences what would you do
TheBetterCanary: i do that anyways
TheBetterCanary: but also id beat up the guy who came up with trickle down economics
Yummmmmm: Ronald Reagan is already dead
TheBetterCanary: i could be digging up corpses to beat them up in my spare time you dont know me
~
GothamGazette: And, for the fourth year in a row, Canary has been nominated as the city’s favorite Rogue! See the attached article for the other rankings.
TheBetterCanary: further proof that im the hottest rogue in gotham
DeadHood: Bullshit.
Catwomnyan: Not at all.
PoisonIvy: No❤️
RiddleMeThis: I never should have helped her. I used to win every year and this is the thanks I get.
Penguin: Don’t feel bad, I’m pretty sure she rigs it
TheBetterCanary: please if i rigged it id set it up so i would win by exactly one point
ScareCrane: Someone’s just mad that they got last place
Penguin: I got placed lower than Joker, of course I’m mad
TheBetterCanary: its because youre boring hope that helps
~
TheBetterCanary: just saw catwoman make out with batman to get out of jail so here is my formal application to be red robins fuck buddy
Yummmmmm: Why me
TheBetterCanary: all the other bats around my age are way out of my league so youre my last resort
SpoilerAlert: ouch™ sucks to suck red
BlackBat: XD
SignalOfficial: I mean… she’s not wrong
Yummmmmm: You’re all dead to me
~
TheBetterCanary: one day robin will get a cat and name it batcat and it will completely ruin the batfamily ship and pet tags
TheOneTrueRobin: @/Batman7 Father…
~
TheBetterCanary: everyone thinks i know things because im smart but a lot of the time people just accidentally tell me things
TheBetterCanary: the reason i found out about the league was that one of their members saw i was asian and just assumed i was one of them and no one realized i was just some random person until like three weeks in
BernieDowd: the league?
TheBetterCanary: dont worry about it
TheBetterCanary: wait youre that conspiracy theorist actually do worry about it i would love to know what you think im talking about
~
SpoilerAlert: canary totally has a knife kink
TheBetterCanary: what the fuck
SpoilerAlert: why else would you use knives almost exclusively
TheBetterCanary: because theyre quiet
TheBetterCanary: and stabby
SpoilerAlert: you’re so right i’m so sorry
~
GothamGazette: Riddler and Canary’s vendetta against escape rooms! See the attached photo and article!
TheBetterCanary: @/ScareCrane look mom were on tv
ScareCrane: Very proud of you sweetie
MetropolisIsOverrated: Did I just watch canary and riddler use a police car like it was a fucking CAB??
RiddleMeThis: You missed the perfect opportunity for an 'ACAB' joke.
SignalOfficial: Damn it… can’t believe you’re out of custody already
TheBetterCanary: bold of you to assume we were ever in custody
~
TimDrakeWayne: Sometimes I wonder whether I’ve seen Canary at cosplay shops before and just not recognized her
TheBetterCanary: it isnt cosplay its acting
TimDrakeWayne: And where do you get your costumes
TheBetterCanary: alright everyone socialist uprising time its time to eat the rich especially this guy
TimDrakeWayne: Please don’t, I probably don’t taste good
~
TheBetterCanary: watching a furry get beat up like damn but its kinda his fault for going out in a fursuit
TheBetterCanary: i cant believe this is what im getting cancelled over and not the millions of times i helped out villains
TheBetterCanary: oh so now everyone cares about the villain thing wow i see how it is
TheBetterCanary: im a gothamite this is literally a joke about all the fursuits that the vigilantes and rogues have i dont care about actual furries damn
TheBetterCanary: twitter unverified me over this im going to commit a murder
~
TheBetterCanary: going to start calling villains i dont like by the wrong name to annoy them
TheBetterCanary: called penguin a cuckoo and he really acted like i was stigmatizing mental illness like bitch i am mental illness
TheBetterCanary: okay apparently blockbuster really misses disco he just burst into tears in front of me what do i do
TheBetterCanary: called joker jack and he freaked and tried to shoot me
TheBetterCanary: i have given up calling them the wrong names
~
TheBetterCanary: hey @/RiddleMeThis and @/ScareCrane marry each other and claim me as a dependant
ScareCrane: I mean… sure but why
TheBetterCanary: tax benefits
RiddleMeThis: You’re so right. Meet me in an hour.
Yummmmmm: I hate to be a buzzkill but, if you’re going to commit marriage fraud, maybe don’t announce it on a public platform
TheBetterCanary: maybe dont be a snitch and mind your own business damn
Yummmmmm: Your job is literally being a snitch and not minding your own business
TheBetterCanary: yeah but when i do it its in the cool sexy way
~
TheBetterCanary: props to the guy that tried to pull an updog on me the other day he definitely had some guts
TheOneTrueRobin: What is “updog”?
TheBetterCanary: oh honey i am so sorry
SpoilerAlert: nothing whats up with you
Daylightwing: Nothing wbu?
Oracle: Are we going to pretend that Canary didn’t definitely harvest organs from that guy?
SignalOfficial: Nothing much whats up with you
~
TheBetterCanary: @/TheOneTrueRobin hey i need help with a math problem can you come here
TheOneTrueRobin: I suppose so.
TheOneTrueRobin: She was setting up a sniper gun.
TheBetterCanary: to be fair theres angles involved
Batman7: @/TheOneTrueRobin You didn’t help her, correct?
Batman7: @/TheOneTrueRobin?
~
GothamGazette: Joker gets shot in the hand!
Batman7: Well, at least she didn’t kill anyone, I guess.
Joker: THERE IS A FUCKING HOLE IN MY PALM
TheBetterCanary: i was aiming for your middle finger if that makes you feel any better
Joker: YKNOW IT REALLY FUCKING DOESNT
~
SignalOfficial: Holy shit @/TheBetterCanary do you seriously have a Nokia
TheBetterCanary: fuck off im tired of my phones breaking while i fight
TheBetterCanary: or better yet donate to a gofundme to get me a better phone
~
TheBetterCanary: the quickest way to my heart is through someone elses
Batman7: Please stop encouraging people to commit murder.
TheBetterCanary: no
~
Yummmmmm: @/TheBetterCanary Stop pulling the racism card at every minor inconvenience challenge
TheBetterCanary: is this sexism that i am experiencing
TheBetterCanary: do i sense a bit of homophobia here
TheBetterCanary: look at this ableist bitch
SignalOfficial: Honestly @/Yummmmmm you played yourself here
SpoilerAlert: gee bill how come your mom lets you have four minorities
TheBetterCanary: ive got a punchcard and if i collect five minorities i get one get out of jail free card
Oracle: @/TheBetterCanary Wait. Ableism?
TheBetterCanary: what about me screams mentally stable to you
~
TheBetterCanary: penguin feels homophobic but you didnt hear it from me
RiddleMeThis: He isn’t. Trust me.
TheBetterCanary: hey what does this mean
TheBetterCanary: ed
TheBetterCanary: ed pick up the fucking phone
~
TheBetterCanary: this is now a riddler hate account
RiddleMeThis: I was 30! And mentally ill!
TheBetterCanary: as if you arent mentally ill now
TheBetterCanary: anyways @/ScareCrane congrats on winning youve got adoption rights
ScareCrane: As happy as I am… what happened
RiddleMeThis: She found out I dated Penguin fifteen years ago.
TheBetterCanary: im never forgiving you for this
TheBetterCanary: @/RiddleMeThis did you just throw a burlap sack full of money at my window
RiddleMeThis: Depends. Is it working?
TheBetterCanary: ooooo nonsequential serial numbers my favorite
TheBetterCanary: yeah youre back in the game
ScareCrane: DAMN IT
~
TheBetterCanary: ugh why is riddler so annoying
Gothamlite: Right?
TheBetterCanary: the fuck did you just say ill kill you
~
TheBetterCanary: reading self insert fanfiction about yourself is self care actually
TheBetterCanary: im thirsting over black bat on my first page glad to see they nailed my characterization
TheBetterCanary: how did they manage to find the one trauma i dont actually have like dude you were standing five feet in front of the target and you shot straight up what
TheBetterCanary: kissed a mirror to simulate kissing myself and let me say im not as good a kisser as i was in the fic
TheBetterCanary: if im screwing me is it masturbation or clone fucking
TheBetterCanary: theyre moving in together after three months its always great to see good lesbian representation
TheBetterCanary: im taking myself on a shopping spree and honestly good for me
TheBetterCanary: haha wait a minute why are there death flags
TheBetterCanary: i missed major character death in the tags hlep
Yummmmmm: Rip
~
SpoilerAlert: happy two year anniversary to the time canary and red robin dressed up as each other for halloween and almost ruined each other’s reputation in opposite ways
TheBetterCanary: im still offended you guys think that im secretly a good person
Yummmmmm: At least they don’t think you’d turn evil at the drop of a hat
DeadHood: To be fair, out of every Rogue and Vigilante, you two are the most likely to switch sides.
TheBetterCanary: fucks that supposed to mean
Yummmmmm: Go back to angsting over Percy Jackson not being as good as it used to be or something fuck you
TheBetterCanary: harry potter and the audacity of this bitch
Yummmmmm: As if you aren’t so in the middle that most people don’t know which side you’re on half the time
TheBetterCanary: you literally died and came back dont you talk about switching sides
~
SpoilerAlert: @/TheBetterCanary how did you get verified
TheBetterCanary: threats
SpoilerAlert: oh cool thanks for the tip
~
Batman7: @/TheBetterCanary Did any of my children visit your home last night for medical assistance?
TheBetterCanary: transfer me five thousand and ill tell you
Batman7: Done.
TheBetterCanary: nice
TheBetterCanary: anyways the answer is no they did not
~
TheBetterCanary: ew nightwing is in town for thanksgiving
*liked by Daylightwing*
TheBetterCanary: @/RiddleMeThis do you still have that red wig or no
RiddleMeThis: You are not convincing me to try and seduce Nightwing.
GothamGazette: Nightwing spotted getting decked by what was obviously Riddler in a red wig! See the attached article for pictures!
Daylightwing: I mean. It wasn’t THAT obvious.
~
Yummmmmm: Gotta love when all of your POC friends gang up on you try and get you to say the word
Daylightwing: What word? I don’t know any words.
TheBetterCanary: cmon red answer the question we wont tell anyone
TheOneTrueRobin: We know you want to say it.
SignalOfficial: It’s fun I’ll even say it first if it makes you feel better
Yummmmmm: @/BlackBat Help
BlackBat: @/Daylightwing @/TheBetterCanary @/TheOneTrueRobin @/SignalOfficial
TheBetterCanary: scatter
~
TheBetterCanary: sometimes i remember that theres probably a huge database where the bats keep track of and analyze every tweet we rogues make and it makes me smile
TheBetterCanary: anyways
TheBetterCanary: contrary to popular opinion there is a difference between being a slut and having a lot of sex
TheBetterCanary: nightwing is a slut that is relatively monogamous
*liked by Daylightwing*
TheBetterCanary: batman has ungodly amounts of sex in the worst places imaginable but no one would ever call him a slut
TheBetterCanary: thank you for coming to my ted talk
~
TheBetterCanary: we rogues and bats need a token straight so the straights dont get mad so who is gonna take the fall for us
Yummmmmm: They can have Joker, we don’t want him
TheBetterCanary: nah i dont want to know who he would fixate on if he liked women so someone else
RiddleMeThis: The straights can have Penguin.
TheBetterCanary: no i dont want him to have straight privilege
SignalOfficial: I’ll take one for the team
TheBetterCanary: this is why youre the best
~
RiddleMeThis: Has anyone ever wondered why @/ScareCrane hasn’t used a truth serum to figure out Batman’s identity yet? Because there’s a reason.
ScareCrane: I don’t deserve this…
RiddleMeThis: @/TheBetterCanary Do you want to do the honors of telling the public or should I?
TheBetterCanary: hahahaha oh right i remember that let me
TheBetterCanary: while it compels people to tell the truth it doesnt force them to tell them the answer
TheBetterCanary: so batman just ranted about his most recent hyperfixation for five hours until red robin showed up to help
SpoilerAlert: what was he hyperfixated on at the time lmao
ScareCrane: Sprinklers…
Yummmmmm: They were practically begging me to take them to Arkham by the end
Batman7: You three didn’t like the conversation we had?
BlackBat: @/RiddleMeThis @/ScareCrane @/TheBetterCanary
RiddleMeThis: It was very enlightening.
ScareCrane: It was actually very enjoyable
TheBetterCanary: ive always wanted to know about sprinklers
BlackBat: :)
~
MarryMeCanary: So since Canary knows a lot about shipping… do you guys think she has a tumblr?
TheBetterCanary: everyone should be glad i dont the only thing keeping me from going absolutely feral is the fact that i dont want to get banned on twitter
~
TheBetterCanary: every year i say this is the last year that im going to help my fellow rogues file their taxes for extra cash and every year im a liar please pay me money
User44555511552: Are we going to talk about how Rogues are literal SERIAL KILLERS but they still file taxes??? Because that shit is weird???
TheBetterCanary: there are two things that rogues fear
TheBetterCanary: the irs and the goon union
TheBetterCanary: yes i know they should have called it the goonion its not my fault they cant name things damn stop spamming me
User44555511552: But WHY are you scared of the IRS???
Yummmmmm: Because they can’t get off with insanity pleas so, hypothetically, they might actually have to face some kind of punishment for their crimes
~
TheBetterCanary: i should have called the cps on @/Batman7 when i had the chance
~
Yummmmmm: @/TheBetterCanary What did you do to piss of Ra’s
TheBetterCanary: who
TheBetterCanary: oh wait youre talking about old man number two
Yummmmmm: Nevermind I think I figured it out
TheOneTrueRobin: Old man number two?
TheBetterCanary: he and one other guy are both way over three hundred which makes them old men and i met him second therefore hes number two
TheBetterCanary: tell him that if he wants to be old man number one then he can always kill the guy
TheOneTrueRobin: I highly doubt that it is the numbering that has irritated him.
TheOneTrueRobin: I stand corrected. He wishes for a name.
TheBetterCanary: check your dms it should be between the video of the dog wearing booties for the first time and the picture of the pig in a teapot
TheOneTrueRobin: I have located it. That is a very generic name, and likely an alias, but thank you.
~
BernieDowd: @/TheBetterCanary what do you think about people that think that the Waynes are the bats?
TheBetterCanary: honestly every argument is super flimsy
BernieDowd: what about the bruises on the Wayne men?
TheBetterCanary: have you seen the kinds of women that theyre into
TheBetterCanary: if they arent into some shit id release my actual name to the public
TheBetterCanary: lmao the wayne legal team is trying to sue me for slander
TheBetterCanary: its not slander if its true babes
~
TheBetterCanary: @/DeadHood always gets credit for being the most committed to the bit because he wears a second mask under his helmet but @/Janus manages to find every set of twins in gotham for every job without fail so really i think hes the most devoted rogue
~
RiddleMeThis: I’m starting to believe that the only reason @/TheBetterCanary is still alive is that she has so much sheer audacity that no one knows how to react.
ScareCrane: She looked Batman dead in the eye during a lecture and said “And what’re you going to do if I do it again? Kill me? Didn’t think so”... so, yeah, that’s probably it
Yummmmmm: The first time I tried to fight her she asked if I had taken pole dancing lessons in preparation for using my bo
Catwomnyan: She helped me rob a store at gunpoint and then revealed to me that the gun she was using was just a prop because she had forgotten the real one at home
DeadHood: I stopped genuinely trying to catch her when I watched her give a guy sunglasses, say “You’re going to need this!”, and then light his house on fire. I asked what he did to deserve it. Apparently, he “booped her nose”.
PoisonIvy: She chugged an entire glass of poisoned wine and then asked penguin how he managed to get his hands on it because it tasted really good ❤️
Janus: She got called into court for a civil suit. I offered to be her lawyer. She refused because she had apparently been in Mock Trial in high school. She said she had failed the course, and hardly remembered anything, but was prepared to wing it. She managed to win the case.
Batman7: She once provided me with an itemized list as to why she should be allowed to commit murder. Items 1-57 and 59-101 were all “I’m hot”. Item 58 was simply “Joker”.
~
Penguin: Canary says she’s not a bitch but if someone paid her ten dollars I bet she would bark like a dog
TheBetterCanary: when have i ever said im not a bitch
~
TheBetterCanary: i want money so im now taking sponsors
Yummmmmm: That’s not going to work, no one wants to sponsor a rogue
TheBetterCanary: youre right
TheBetterCanary: im now taking antisponsors where i promote your competitors so they look bad
Daylightwing: Preeeeeetty sure thats illegal
TheBetterCanary: i will ponder the legality and morality of what i am doing over a refreshing can of doctor pepper
~
TheBetterCanary: nightwing is the type of guy to make pancakes with the scrambled egg method and then cry when it doesnt work
Daylightwing: Get out of my safehouse
~
TheBetterCanary: hey @/ScareCrane can i vent to you
ScareCrane: Of course
ScareCrane: The motherfucker came out of the vents
TheBetterCanary: i literally warned you
~
TheOneTrueRobin: @/TheBetterCanary and @/SignalOfficial, please refrain from calling my mother a “MILF” from now on.
SignalOfficial: We only speak the truth
TheBetterCanary: tell her to stop being a milf if youre so concerned about it
~
TheOneTrueRobin: Canary is a lot less threatening when she dramatically whips out a contract, only to give herself a papercut and then cry for five whole minutes.
TheBetterCanary: fuck you youre paying extra
~
TheBetterCanary: i know im the number one nightwing hater and all
*Liked by Daylightwing*
TheBetterCanary: but i can respect someone who regularly butchers the english language
Daylightwing: It is very dumb.
TheBetterCanary: the fact that it exists is a hate crime against me personally
SpoilerAlert: not what a hate crime is
TheBetterCanary: oh yeah white girl tell me all about hate crimes id love to hear your take
SpoilerAlert: on second thought you’re good
TheBetterCanary: thats what i fucking thought
~
SignalOfficial: @/TheBetterCanary What is this shit are you fucking serious oh my god
TheBetterCanary: youre going to have to be more specific than that but im going to go off on a limb here and say probably not
SignalOfficial: Why is there a bird in Scarecrow’s cell
TheBetterCanary: oh that
SignalOfficial: Don’t “oh that” me what the fuck is this
TheBetterCanary: do i really have to spell it out for you
TheBetterCanary: thats not just any type of bird its a crane and it turns out the local zookeepers have a pretty dark sense of humor
SignalOfficial: Fuck
TheOneTrueRobin: @/Batman7 Father…
Batman7: No.
TheOneTrueRobin: Where is your Christmas spirit?
Batman7: You are Muslim. I am Jewish.
TheBetterCanary: aw @/TheOneTrueRobin if you join my side ill let you keep the bird
TheOneTrueRobin: I will consider the offer and get back to you within five to six business days.
Batman7: @/TheOneTrueRobin Fine. You can keep Jonathan the Crane, but he is not allowed in the cave.
TheOneTrueRobin: @/Batman7 I agree to your terms. @/TheBetterCanary I regret to inform you that I must decline your offer.
TheBetterCanary: @/TheOneTrueRobin happy holidays kid dont say i never do anything for you
Batman7: Damn it.
~
TheBetterCanary: best idea for a prank is to give your enemies a completely normal shirt for christmas and watch them suffer as they try to figure out what you did to it
Penguin: Maybe don’t post your plans on a public platform
TheBetterCanary: that shirt looks great on you
TheBetterCanary: part two of the prank is to say that its fine in front of them so they put it on to spite you and then get chicken pox
~
TheBetterCanary: sometimes i forget how starved shippers are for content and then i see someone shipping me with robin because i didnt kill him when i could have and im like oh yeah right
~
GothamGazette: DNA found on a headless body in Park Row confuses scientists!
SpoilerAlert: no head *breaks skateboard*
Batman7: Someone is dead.
TheBetterCanary: it was a skateboard breaking of mourning
~
France24: Hawkmoth was just found dead in his cell!
TheRealLadybug: @/ChatonNoir told you ed would follow through you owe me a dollar
ChatonNoir: Wild
ChatonNoir: Wait when did he kill him we just saw him yesterday
TheRealLadybug: how about we chalk it up to the power of love hahaha
TheLadyBlog: LADYBUG YOU’RE ALIVE?!
TheRealLadybug: nah it turns out that hell has really good wifi
~
TheBetterCanary: @/Penguin youre not a girlboss youre a boyemployee
SignalOfficial: @/Staff I am begging you guys to just ban her already
~
Batman: okay my fellow gothamites were going to have a purge kind of situation in a couple of days to see if it actually reduces crime throughout the rest of the year feel free to commit crimes none of us bats will arrest you i promise
Batman7: Canary. Please stop. I said I was sorry.
Batman: shut up youre probably balding
Yummmmmm: What did he do
Batman: got me banned so now i have to use this account
Yummmmmm: I’ll unban you
Batman: okay but im not taking back the tweets
~
TheBetterCanary: i hate trying on new clothes the stuff i like never fits
TheBetterCanary: im too short to be a slut
BlackBat: :(
User223584125153: Fatherless behavior
TheBetterCanary: yknow i was gonna give a proper response but then i realized i dont have to
TheBetterCanary: @/Scarecrane @/RiddleMeThis get his ass
Daylightwing: @/Batman7
TheBetterCanary: i resent that but also @/Batman7 beat him uppppp
~
TheBetterCanary: nightwing fightwing for whats rightwing
*Liked by Daylightwing*
Daylightwing: Feel the need to clarify that just because I Liked this doesn’t mean I liked it.
TheBetterCanary: go crywing
~
TheBetterCanary: i live in constant shame that nothing i ever say will ever be as funny as two face when he called bruce wayne a dumb slut on live tv
~
TheBetterCanary: it looks like some dumbass has decided to kidnap alfred pennyworth so its time to take bets
RiddleMeThis: Oh! $50 says Pennyworth kills them!
TheBetterCanary: cheap and lame but fine
Yummmmmm: Seven hundred says we’ll get there in time
TheBetterCanary: lmao alright
Catwomnyan: Exactly 180 on Bruce Wayne finally snapping and going on a rampage.
TheBetterCanary: nice nice id pay to see that
Penguin: The Wayne luck is going to kick in and he’s going to get out without even trying
TheBetterCanary: fuck you you arent allowed to play
TheBetterCanary: wait how much are you betting
Penguin: 1k
TheBetterCanary: welcome to the game
DeadHood: 15 cents says I’ll get to them first and put a bullet in their head.
TheBetterCanary: and i thought ed was cheap but whatever good luck with that
TheBetterCanary: huh
TheBetterCanary: it seems that there was a secret other option where the dumbass apparently follows me and decided to let alfred go
ScareCrane: So… who wins then
TheBetterCanary: me pay up bitches
~
TheBetterCanary: if one more person asks what my body count is i swear they will be added to the number
~
TheBetterCanary: im bored im gonna start gaslighting people about things they already know now
TheBetterCanary: like what are people gonna do if i say im chinese after all these years i can just pull the racism card if they disagree this plan is foolproof
Daylightwing: But you ARE chinese.
TheBetterCanary: of course i am we all know this
~
Supes: I don’t see why Batman has such a hard time defeating the Rogues. Most of them don’t even have powers.
TheBetterCanary: yes we do
Supes: You do? What are they?
TheBetterCanary: being annoying
RiddleMeThis: Being annoying.
ScareCrane: Being annoying
Janus: Being annoying.
Joker: BEING ANNOYING
PoisonIvy: Being annoying 💖
Batman7: @/PoisonIvy You literally have powers.
Catwomnyan: Being annoying.
~
TheBetterCanary: people ask me how im so relaxed around rogues and vigilantes all the time and i just gotta say
TheBetterCanary: first of all bold of you to assume im ever relaxed
TheBetterCanary: second of all all these bitches are like one dropped ice cream away from a mental breakdown i aint scared of them
SpoilerAlert: true 😔
ScareCrane: True…
Yummmmmm: True
Penguin: Hate to agree with Canary, but true
Penguin: What the fuck
Penguin: @/TheBetterCanary did you really just attack me outside an ice cream shop to try and make me drop my ice cream cone
TheBetterCanary: wasnt me but i wish it was that sounds hilarious
Penguin: Bullshit, I saw your face
TheBetterCanary: i dont know what to tell you man maybe youve been thinking about me too much and hallucinated me or something
TheBetterCanary: i already said in the discord server that im stuck inside for the foreseeable future you dumb bitch
DeadHood: Wait a minute… the server is still active? I thought you guys said that you were deleting it because it was compromised…
PoisonIvy: 😬
~
JuliusDay: there’s a discord server? why am i not on it?
TheBetterCanary: its to make sure we dont get caught up in each others attacks no one is scared of you
JuliusDay: i’d still like to know when your attacks will be…
TheBetterCanary: lol
FiendlyFyre: Why am I not on it?
TheBetterCanary: you were dead until like a week ago let me add you back
MadAsAHatter: And me
TheBetterCanary: no
TheBetterCanary: and for the record @/Tweedlesdeeanddum you arent getting in either no one likes you wonderland bitches
Tweedlesdeeanddum: we didn’t even do anything
TheBetterCanary: fuck you
~
TheBetterCanary: i fell for the mark oh my god im a cliche fuck
SignalOfficial: TALON????
TheBetterCanary: yeah the bird mask really does something for me
TheBetterCanary: dumbass
~
TheBetterCanary: my legal team has asked me yet again to tell you guys that nothing i say here is serious and should not be used in a court of law
Yummmmmm: You have a legal team
TheBetterCanary: not really but sometimes ill tweet something incriminating and two face will break into one of my safehouses and yell at the camera
RiddleMeThis: I see we have competition @/Scarecrane.
ScareCrane: … I see… a temporary truce, then
Janus: Please. I don’t want her.
RiddleMeThis: Why not? She’s awesome.
ScareCrane: You’d be lucky to have the right to adopt her
Janus: Somehow I think I’ve made this worse for myself.
Janus: @/TheBetterCanary Help me.
TheBetterCanary: no this is peak entertainment
~
Yummmmmm: Canary is sick, I will ask her to impart some wisdom upon us
TheBetterCanary: nif e
DeadHood: She has spoken.
~
Yummmmmm: Sickness update – Canary is currently very loudly complaining about how red hair isn’t really red so I think she’ll live
~
TheBetterCanary: thought red robin was decent until he told me he thought nightwing and oracle are the best nightwing ship
Yummmmmm: They’re a classic
TheBetterCanary: so was slavery bitch nightwing is way cuter with starfire
Daylightwing: Do I get a say in this?
TheBetterCanary: no fuck off
Yummmmmm: Yeah this ain’t about you
Daylightwing: It literally is?
~
TheBetterCanary: batman and bruce wayne should date so they can combine their hoards of kids
BernieDowd: bold of you to assume that bruce isn’t already batman’s sugar daddy.
TheBetterCanary: youre so right i am so sorry
~
TheBetterCanary: that super relatable moment when you have to dismantle a system that has benefited you for years
BlackBat: :(
TheBetterCanary: at least i get to put calendar man to shame on one of his favorite days
BlackBat: :D
Batman7: What are you planning to do and how?
TheBetterCanary: like id tell you youd just stop me
SpoilerAlert: ten bucks says she’s gonna do a murder
SignalOfficial: Man, I just finished my shift, too
~
TheBetterCanary: Hey guys Im not actually Canary but shes letting me borrow her account to make a fun little announcement anonymously
TheBetterCanary: Ive compiled a list of every Court member in Gotham that @/TheBetterCanary @/107kidsncounting and I knew about along with all of the proof we could gather over a month long period
TheBetterCanary: Here you go shorturl.at/hMW27 enjoy the hitlist everyone
107kidsncounting: im going to kill you i didnt spend hours finding proof for you fuckers just to get fucking rickrolled in fucking 2022
TheBetterCanary: Okay okay sorry mom lmao here’s the actual link shorturl.at/BKOR1
~
Gothamlite: This feels like a trap. Why would Canary hurt the Court when she benefits from corrupt systems?
TheBetterCanary: well you see the thing is i enjoy this thing called being alive
~
TheOneTrueRobin: @/TheBetterCanary, @/RiddleMeThis, @/ScareCrane, and their other evil friend are all laughing maniacally. They will not stop. It has been ten minutes.
107kidsncounting: try hitting one of them
TheOneTrueRobin: They’re laughing harder now.
107kidsncounting: yea lol
TheOneTrueRobin: I should have read the username.
107kidsncounting: probably lmao tell the kids i say hi
TheOneTrueRobin: Fine.
TheOneTrueRobin: They told me to tell you “👍”.
~
TheBetterCanary: hey idiot where are you
TheBetterCanary: I got stabbed lol
TheBetterCanary: oh lol
ScareCrane: This is not a lol matter you two
TheBetterCanary: Lol
TheBetterCanary: lol
TheBetterCanary: also i knew you were still using my account get off you bitch
~
TheBetterCanary: nothing is more painful when you send your friend a meme and they tell you theyve already seen it
DeadHood: You kicked me in the dick less than five hours ago.
TheBetterCanary: it’s what it’s
Daylightwing: The one time you use proper grammar and its for THIS.
SignalOfficial: You are a menace to society
~
DeadHood: Sometimes I think about grabbing Canary by the ankles and flipping her upside down to see how many knives fall out of her clothes.
TheBetterCanary: you could just ask
DeadHood: Would you lie?
TheBetterCanary: i mean sure but youd get further away from the knives you want to know about so badly quicker if youre not actively touching me when i get them out
~
TheBetterCanary: out of gotham for the first time in ages and i hate it it feels weird where is the crime
SpoilerAlert: be the change you want to see in the world
TheBetterCanary: youre so right bestie
TheBetterCanary: alright who snitched to superman
Supes: I thought you were kidding about the cross thing.
~
TheBetterCanary: i sent a lois lane x superman fic to clark kent as an april fools joke and he was super sweet about it and said i had talent as a writer so mr kent if you see this im sorry
~
TheBetterCanary: in this thread i will give absolute proof that the bats and the waynes are the same
TheBetterCanary: bruce and batman both have an ungodly amount of kids like bruce even managed to find another kid despite all of the orphanages getting bombed this year thats some devotion
TheBetterCanary: richard and nightwing are both traitors that moved to bludhaven enough said
*Liked by Daylightwing*
TheBetterCanary: barbara gordon is oracle because they both scare me
TheBetterCanary: i will not joke about the death of jason todd his passing was a tragedy that still affects gotham to this day
TheBetterCanary: tason jodd however is totally red hood i mean who else could be that dorito shaped
TheBetterCanary: cassandra and black bat could both beat my ass and i would thank them
TheBetterCanary: timothy and red robin both have a sickly victorian boy vibe to them
TheBetterCanary: stephanie and spoiler both appreciate riddler and i can appreciate that
TheBetterCanary: duke and signal are both the token and the best of all of their families
TheBetterCanary: damian and robin both have way too many fucking pets like they could work together and form a zoo and i dont think anything would even be missing
TheBetterCanary: honorary mention to the butts match of course
~
TheBetterCanary: fuck i forgot that it was eds turn to cook
TheBetterCanary: @/ScareCrane please bring some mcdonalds home please
RiddleMeThis: When I found you, you regularly went dumpster diving for food.
TheBetterCanary: doesnt mean i dont have standards
~
RiddleMeThis: @/ScareCrane Remember when @/TheBetterCanary heard someone yell about how “she has a strap!” and complained about how they shouldn’t “have that stuff out in public”, only to turn around and realize it was a gun?
TheBetterCanary: im still not sorry for implying your food is worse than literal trash
~
Canaryfanclub: please i just want her to date me
TheBetterCanary: sorry i dont know if my boyfriend would like that
Canaryfanclub: YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND??????
TheBetterCanary: unfortunately his swagless charm has captivated me
~
TheBetterCanary: fuck the stupid fucking bats infected me with their even stupider fucking morals oh my god
DeadHood: Weak. I’ve been resisting for years. It took you, what, a couple of months around them to fall for their morals?
TheBetterCanary: im going to blow up your base
DeadHood: In Minecraft or in real life?
DeadHood: Fuck. It was Minecraft.
DeadHood: I spent hours making that mansion!
TheBetterCanary: trust me i know
~
TheBetterCanary: @/BrucieWayne i have your kids
BrucieWayne: What do you want for them?
TheBetterCanary: donate half a billion to arkham reforms
BrucieWayne: Oh no. I have no choice but to meet her demands.
~
TheBetterCanary: vigilantes dont want you to know this but muscles actually dont constantly look like that unless youre constantly flexing and they definitely dont show through layers of kevlar
TheBetterCanary: which means that they choose to have abs on their costumes
TheBetterCanary: i can hear the fangirls crying from here
~
TheBetterCanary: lol
Yummmmmm: Oh god what did you do
TheBetterCanary: dont worry about it
Batman7: Where is Joker?
TheBetterCanary: he tripped and fell into a pocket dimension and i cant get him out but dont worry i got him one of those gerbil water feeders and some chips so hell live
Batman7: That doesn’t sound like an accident.
TheBetterCanary: never said it was one