Work Text:
Steve comes back on a Tuesday afternoon. His uniform is filthy, the right sleeve torn, and he needs new boots. He also needs to repaint his shield.
Steve is the most wonderful thing Howard has seen in weeks. He stands and meets Steve's eyes. He smiles, stomach warming when Steve smiles back. There are other things he wants to do, aches to do, but he's not ready yet, and Steve seems to understand.
Instead, Steve walks over to him, puts a hand on his shoulder, and says, softly, "You look tired."
It's not a rebuke, but it feels like one and Howard frowns. "It's hard to sleep when you're gone."
"I know. It's not easy for me, either." Steve cups Howard's face and drags the pad of his thumb along Howard's bottom lip.
He flushes, hot and uncomfortable, and looks out of the corner of his eye to see if anyone is staring.
Steve sighs, lets his hand drop, and takes a step back. "What are you doing in two hours?"
Howard swallows hard as excitement thrums through his body. "Nothing that can't wait."
"Then I'll expect you in our room, ready and waiting."
He nods, jerkily. "Yes, sir."
"Good man," Steve says and tugs on the dog tags around Howard's neck, making him gasp softly.
*****
Howard's a wreck after that. He can't stop thinking about all the things Steve might do to him, will do to him, once he's naked and panting. And God, he can't… he can't think about that when he should be working. He can't think about how Steve throws him off his game and how much he loves it.
He cleans up his work surface, hands shaking, and hurries out before he does something to embarrass himself. Until now, he never understood, never wanted to understand, why submissives cling to their Doms. But he knows now, he knows how good it feels to give in, to let someone else take care of things, to trust someone to take care of things. The knowledge is heady and frightening and he's distracted when he turns the corner and runs right into Dugan. He curses, arms flailing as he struggles to keep from falling on his ass.
Dugan grabs him by the front of his shirt to steady him. "Easy there, Buttercup."
He rolls his eyes, fond exasperation pushing aside the other, more confusing feelings. "Be nice, Dugan, or I won't give you the new weapon I made just for you."
Dugan grins at him and lets go of his shirt with a fond pat. "Just for me? That's why you're my favorite person on base."
"Anyone ever tell you that you're a horrible liar?"
"Constantly." Dugan slings an arm over Howard's shoulders. "So what's the rush? Cap's still in with Colonel Phillips."
Howard blushes. "I… I need to do a few things in my room."
Dugan chuckles. "Anyone ever tell *you* that you're a horrible liar? Come on, we'll have some scotch while we wait for Cap to finish up with Philips."
"I'm sure I can manage on my own, Dugan," he says, letting Dugan steer him towards his room.
"Sure you can, Buttercup. But why if you don't have to?"
"That's it, the next weapon I design for you is going to shoot bubbles."
Dugan laughs at that and ruffles Howard's hair. "Sure it will, sport. Sure it will."
*****
"You always get me drunk," Howard says, his cheek pressed against the flat of his worktable. "Why do you always get me drunk?"
"Hey, it's not my fault that you're a cheap date." Dugan pours himself another drink. "This is really good stuff."
"Steve's gonna be mad at you. We had p-plans." He sighs and closes his eyes to keep the room from spinning.
"Did you? Well, I'm sure he'll forgive me."
"He'll be mad at me," he says, but he's not really all that worried. Steve is quick to forgive and forget. He makes a soft little sound when he feels Dugan's hand on the back of his neck. "Not my Dom."
"Yeah, Howard, I know. You okay? Steve treating you like a gentleman should?"
Howard opens his eyes in surprise. "You gonna beat him up if he doesn't?"
"Maybe." Dugan ruffles his hair. "You gonna answer the question?"
"Steve's perfect," he says, because it's the truth.
"Yeah." Dugan smiles. "We have poker nights on Thursdays. You should come with Cap."
"Um." He blinks rapidly. "Okay."
"Good." Dugan checks his watch, then gets to his feet. "You oughta get ready for Cap. He should be here in a few minutes."
*****
Howard's still slumped against the table when Steve arrives. He lifts his head and smiles faintly. "Steve… Sir."
Steve frowns. "Are you drunk?"
He nods, then stops when the room spins. "Dugan wanted a drink. He always wants drinks. He invited me to poker night."
"Yeah?" Steve sighs and rubs his face. "Let's get you into bed."
"Oh. Oh, yeah." Howard stumbles to his feet and begins to undress, but Steve grabs his wrists. He smiles and leans against Steve's chest. "I missed you."
"I missed you, too. I was gonna show you how much, but I guess that'll have to wait."
Howard makes a disappointed sound. "I'm alright."
"Uh huh." Steve puts an arm around him and leads him to the bedroom. Halfway there, he pukes, so maybe not.
*****
When he wakes the next morning, he holds himself very, very still. Oh, he has to stop drinking on an empty stomach, it makes getting drunk too easy. The mattress shifts under him and he lets out a soft groan.
"You're awake," Steve says.
Howard buries his face in the pillow; maybe he can suffocate himself. God, last night was a disaster. It was—fuck! He slowly lifts his head and stares blearily at Steve. "I'm sorry," he says softly. "I… I'm sorry."
Steve sits up and raises an eyebrow. "Why are you sorry, Howard?"
Howard's stomach churns with anxiety and he swallows hard against the nausea threatening to overtake him. "I… I was supposed to be ready for you, but I wasn't. I got drunk instead. I should have been ready for you." He takes a deep, shaky breath. "Are you going to punish me?"
"Do you deserve to be punished?"
"Yes," he whispers, his eyes fill with tears and harsh sobs tear from his throat. He curls into a ball, feeling miserable and small.
"Hey, hey!" Steve gently rubs his back. "What's with the tears?"
"I wanted it to be good for you. I wanted to be good for you. But I ruined it. I am *so* sorry. Whatever punishment you give me, won't be enough."
"Okay, that's enough." Steve grips Howard's arm and pulls him up and into a hug. "Nothing is ruined, Howard. We're both here, safe, in bed together. And we'll have a real homecoming tonight, when you're feeling better."
Howard buries his face against Steve's neck and pulls himself together. "I should still be punished."
"I think you've punished yourself enough." Steve presses a kiss to his hair.
"You're too good to me," he says softly.
"No such thing." Steve strokes his hair and holds him until he's calm and relaxed. "So, I gotta ask, why did Colonel Phillips congratulate me on our bonding?"
Howard tenses again, but Steve just continues to stroke his hair. "I may have insinuated that we were bonded. He wanted me to break it off with you."
"Oh."
He clutches Steve's shirt. "I'm sorry."
"Why? Don't you want to be bonded to me?" Steve grips Howard by the hair and gently pulls his head back so that their eyes can meet.
He opens his mouth, but the words stick in his throat.
Steve smiles at him, a bit sadly, and kisses him. "The only way I'm ever going to leave you, Howard, is if you tell me to go."
The very idea of Steve leaving him makes Howard gasp. "No. I won't." He swallows hard. "Stay. Just stay."