Work Text:
jaeyun's pov
i struggled as i literally shoved the snacks i prepared in the basket, particularly heeseung's favorite snacks. it's his birthday and i went ahead to prepare a surprise picnic for him.
it's currently 11pm and it might be a late time for a picnic, and it might sound crazy but i want to be the first one to greet and celebrate with him, especially since i've been busy and wasn't able to spend time with him that much.
of course, i won't forget about his birthday cake. he said that he loves it so much because it's "fun". that's all heeseung says, sometimes he doesn't even care about the other foods served as long as he can blow the candles on his birthday cake.
blowing candles wasn't really my thing, i don't even care about my birthdays, i hated it because it reminds me so much of life. it's a reminder that we're getting older and once someone blows the fire in you or once you're done, death comes.
but seeing him so happy also made it fun for me, i would ask what he would wish for but for the 7 years i celebrated with him, he would always tell me "it's a secret" and always with a playful grin in his face. i want to see it again.
the clock reads "11:30 pm", so i hurriedly put all things inside my car. it isn't a long drive, would only take about 25 mins or so. as i was about to drive my car, i texted him that i was on my way. hoping to get a response, because heeseung's probably sleeping comfortably.
there wasn't that much cars in the road, so i was able to get there without any troubles. everytime i visit him, my home, my safe place, makes me so euphoric. making me forget about all the tears i cried that day, the grief i had to endure for months now.
fuck, it makes me cry thinking about it again. but i stop myself from tearing up, heeseung wouldn't want me to cry especially on his birthday.
he would always say that crying on someone's birthday would make the birthday cake salty, i always laugh at that. it doesn't make sense but somehow it makes it better. but probably because it's heeseung who said it.
i parked my car, even surprised myself that i already arrived. i opened the trunk and went ahead to ready the place, i walked for a minute or two before finally seeing him. i placed the mat beside him and prepared the snacks, and of course his birthday cake and even putting tons of candles for him to blow and more wishes to come true.
i sat there looking at him, the tombstone engraved with his name "lee heeseung", the day the world had him and of course the day he was taken from me and everyone important to him. it's been 7 months. 7 gruesome months ever since he lost his flame. 7 months since i hated that day.
the time reads "11:59", a minute away from his birthday. i started lighting up the candles and made arrangements as the time nears.
finally it was 12 am, heeseung's birthday. the first birthday of him i had to spend alone after 7 years, i know i shouldn't be the one wishing, but i badly wish that we should've spent more of your birthdays together. that our time together didn't permanently stop at 7 fucking years.
i begin to tear up as i sing you happy birthday, you always said that me singing for you was the highlight of your birthday. but i always wanted to tell you that i can only sing for you because you always look at me so brightly everytime. but right now i can barely go on.
tears won't stop streaming down my face, it hurts so badly. i know you said that the cake will taste salty, but just this once maybe i do want to have it salty. no birthday cakes will ever be good if i don't have you here, no matter how many candles i blow, no wish could make you come back.
i can only sob and hug your tombstone tightly, but nothing can make it better except your embrace. i think every birthday cake i eat, will always be salty, especially without you reminding me.
"happy birthday, my love".