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Remus honestly couldn't believe what he was looking at.
And, look. Remus is the last guy to judge or disrespect a guy's hobbies. Hell, the number of times he took part in vulture culture during his freshman year was testament to this.
But he'd never expect this out of one of Roman’s little squeaky clean buddies.
… Okay, maybe Logan. Maybe. He'd have to really fucking hate the world in order to even think about it.
But Patton is Patton. He is literally one of the most overly nice kids at school. This is the same kid he distinctly remembers crying when he ate a spider after fucking screaming at Virgil in fear for bringing it to him to begin with.
And Patton is the exact same kid who would always look at his and Virgil’s more gothic punk aesthetic as being way too much for him.
But here he was, in Patton's bedroom. Where there was a Walmart cart next to his bed full of plushies. He didn't even have time to formulate his thoughts before he spoke, "what?!"
Patton turns to him abruptly with confusion mushed onto his face. "What?"
His manic eyes snap over to his host in shock. He can only hopelessly shove his fingers between his eyes. "What!? Wait- time out. Why do you have a shopping cart in your room? You know you can't just take stuff like this, Pat. It's illegal."
The shorter of the two flops his backpack from the ground and gives an amused snort. "But, like… they're free so…" he gives a limp shrug as though that logic was self explanatory.
He couldn't believe his ears nor his eyes as he watches who he has always seen as a literal pastel soft boy sits casually at his desk.
Remus looks at the computer screen for a moment before looking back at Patton. He was beyond flabbergasted. "Wh- no they're not." Patton looks up at him as though he didn't know what he was talking about. "... They're not free! They aren't something that you can just take, Patton. You're a full on thief if you take one."
"... You probably won't like the road cone in my closet then." Remus’s eyes turn to saucers as he hears Patton's voice turn more mischievous with every word he says. He watches as Patton carries eye contact with him and he slides the door open, revealing a traffic cone standing tall in the dark closet.
Remus shakes his head in disappointment. "Why do you have- no, no." He turns away for a moment, he can hear Patton's snickering while his back is turned. He turns back and sees the biggest, cheesiest grin he's ever seen on his face. His eyes suddenly land to the wedged space between the wall and desk. "IS THAT A- What's that lodged on the side there?"
Patton twists around in his chair and points to the space, an over the top nod is all Patton receives. A small laugh peaks out, "I mean. It's just a-"
"-Brother." The level of disappointment in Remus's voice was enough to choke Patton with laughter alone. Remus couldn't believe any of it. This was a level of disappointment he's used to receiving, never dishing.
He might have to apologize to Roman later for ever causing such a feeling within his own twin. "I was also feeling a bit hungry, so if you look behind the door," he slowly moved the door to see the other side. "Part of the menu!" Remus stares in awe and horror as Patton's bedroom door is completely covered in Subway menus. Over the fact that Patton had a subway menu as a giant door poster or over how proud Patton sounded as a result, he wasn't sure and he didn't care. He couldn't help but pinch the bridge of his nose again, he can feel a slight headache peaking through. "I think my favorite is my stolen 'one way, do not enter' signs-"
"-YOU DON'T- YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO TAKE FUCKIN' STREET SIGNS! THEY'RE BOLTED TO METAL IN THE GROUND!" Patton bursts into more laughter, visibly crying and holding his gut.
Frustration clings to Remus as he watches his host take his glasses off and wipe his eyes. "Ho- my god." A couple coughs slip out as Patton puts his glasses back on.
"Is everything okay in here?" Remus and spots Patton's step dad, a name he can't quite place at the moment.
He gestures to the room with various stolen goods. "How did this get let slide?" Exasperation clings to Remus as he looks to the adult in the house for answers.
The step dad swirls around whatever he has in his mug. "I mean, I did help him with about half of this. Soooo…"
He watches as he takes a sip of his brew before walking off. "Thanks, Janus!" Remus deflates, incapable of grasping what was just said. "So," Remus turns back to Pat who's got his book out already. "You ready to work on the as sign ment". He says as pointing to the sign next to his desk.
Remus lets out an exasperated sigh. "Yeah, sure. Why not?"