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One
She was five when they meet for the first time.
Little Amara happily following her papa through the fancy restaurant, little hand clutching the man’s fingers, her eyes looking around in awe and curiosity at her surroundings. Everything was so new and exciting, so different from her house.
The most interesting thing was when papa introduce her to his business partner. Papa said she could call him uncle Korn. He came with his wife and his two sons. Uncle Korn looks nice but a little bit scary, she like his wife more, aunty has pretty smile and her hug was warm and feels nice, and Amara likes it very much.
“My name is Anakinn, you can call me Kinn,” a boy exclaims loudly, forcefully taking her hand to shake as soon as she’s out of auntie’s hug. “And that’s my brother Tankhun, you can call him Hia Khun. I call him Hia Khun.”
“I’m Amara.”
That’s all Amara could say before P’Khun pulled Kinn’s ear and scold him about manners making the boy winched in pain and immediately dropped her hand. She’s just giggling at their antics, thinking that they seem pretty fun to be friend with, and she hope that papa would let her befriend them.
****
He was seven when they meet for the first time.
Tankhun looks curiously at the new comers, a man and a little girl, though he couldn’t help giving his brother a side eye from time to time. Kinn had been bubbling with excitement upon seeing a possible friend his age and it irritate him a little.
He almost smacked his little brother when he forcefully took the girl hand. He was sure that mama had teach them about manner, and yet here Kinn was acting all mannerless and so embarrassing that Tankhun couldn’t help himself anymore and pulled his nong’s ear and scolded him. He was sure that they had scared the girl and she wouldn’t want to be friend with them anymore.
A giggle had made him look up from his brother pained face. The little girl, Amara, was still there, not afraid, and gigging at their antics. It made something warm bloom in his chest, something that strangely felt like happiness, he decided that he like that feeling.
Two
She was ten when her papa brought up the idea about the engagement.
Amara was doing her homework in the sitting area near the pool when her papa joined her. She glanced at him for a moment before getting back to work. Her papa looks troubled, but if he won’t talk then she won’t ask, her math homework was hard enough without her trying to think about her papa’s problem too.
“What do you think about an engagement?” her papa suddenly asks.
“Whose?” she asked back without looking up.
“Yours.”
That made her snap her head up. She looked at her papa closely, she surely misheard it, did her papa really thinking about it. It’s not quite impossible of course, even both of her best friends were already engaged. But seeing it happen to someone else and going through it herself was two different things.
“Mine?” she carefully asks, “with who?”
“With Tankhun,” he answered slowly, trying to gauge her reaction, when he found no sign of violence he started to explain. “The Theerapanyakul have power and influence. It’ll be good for you; you’ll have a better opportunity. You’ll have an out from this life.”
“What kind of better opportunity? What kind of ‘out’?” she snaped, “The Bannarasee is an assassin family. The only reason why the Theerapanyakul offering you the engagement is because they want us to solely work for them. They want to own us, to control us. Don’t you know that, pa?”
Of course, she knew that her papa knows and she also knew that she didn’t have any say in this. Amara knew that her papa had came to her more to let her know than to ask for her opinion, or even gave her a chance to say no. His next word had confirmed her suspicion.
“I already agree to it. It’s either this or they will annihilate our family. The ceremony will be held next weekend,” with that he left.
Amara was speechless. She was ten, she wasn’t supposed to be engage, she wasn’t supposed to think about family relations, she wasn’t supposed to think about the safety of her whole family, she wasn’t supposed to have this kind of conversation with her papa, but here she was. She was ten, but she was forced to act and think like an adult, the whole thing feels quite ridiculous.
She didn’t know how long she just stare emotionless at nothing when her phone rang. She swept the answer button mindlessly, not bothering to check the caller.
“Amara.”
The sound of his voice had finally snap her to the present, and with it came the barrage of emotions.
“P’Khun,” she sobbed.
****
He was twelve when his papa told him that he would be engaged.
Tankhun shouldn’t have expect anything when his papa asked him to came to his office. Nothing good ever came from this kind of talk, when there’s only the two of them without mama or his brothers.
“You know, son. The Bannarasee family is quite skilled assassins, even the best in Bangkok, and our family is the most powerful mafia family in Bangkok," his papa started.
“Yes, papa.”
“And it’ll benefits both families if we unite. We can use their skill and they can have our protection.”
“Of course, papa.”
“Papa had already proposed an engagement between you and Amara, and they agree.”
Tankhun didn’t know what his papa wants him to say. He knew that there’s no way out of this, that whether he like it or not he should agree with this arrangement.
“Whatever papa think will be best for our family,” he said, already resigned to his fate.
“Good. The ceremony will be held next weekend.”
He didn’t say anything else, didn’t even think he could say anything, so he just nods to his papa and took his leave.
Tankhun walked aimlessly through the compound before he decided to sit near the carp pond. He needs to think, to sort through his mind and emotions. He knew that something like this were going to happen, but he thought it would be much latter when he’s older, when he’s in his twenties not in his teens. But here he was, stuck without a way out, without any choice. His mind then goes to Amara. Did she already know? What she thought about it?
He got his answer when he called her, from the sobs he could hear through the phone. He knew that she also had resigned to her fate, that just like him, she didn’t have a choice either. He sighed, at that moment, he felt much much older than he actually was.
****
Kinn ran to find his brother as soon as he heard about the engagement, he found him sitting near the carp pond, head bent, a sad resigned look on his face.
“We’ll be fine. We’ll go through this together. I know we’re still too young, but we can’t do anything about it. We’ll be fine.”
Kinn could hear him talking to the phone softly and he feels like intruding, but he didn’t want Khun to be alone, so he sits next to his big brother. He didn’t say anything, just being there silently offering comfort.
Three
She was twelve when she killed for the first time.
The night had started as a forced date, arranged by their parents obviously. It’s been like that since their engagement, their parents occasionally sent them on dates, until Amara was sick of it, sick of the fancy restaurant and propriety, she took Tankhun to take a walk in the night market instead, much to their bodyguards’ horror.
They were having fun, walking hand in hand, enjoying some snack, their bodyguards following not far behind, nothing could go wrong in their mind, up until it goes very wrong.
She felt the man before he even made any move and she instinctively pushed Tankhun aside. A quick assessment of her surrounding show her that their bodyguards were too far, pushed back by a crowd, and the man was too close. The guard couldn’t openly draw their guns and shoot without the fear of injuring other people.
He was bigger than her and Khun, so hand in hand combat was out of the option too. Telling Khun to run to the guards was not an option either, being separated was too risky. Amara knew she had to be quick, if they couldn’t beat him at least they could slow him down, enough for they’re guard to catch up. The only weapon she had on her was her hairpins. She quickly pulled it out of her hair, crossed the distance between them, stab the man’s thigh with one of the hairpins and stab his neck with the other. The man howls in pain, before dropping to the ground, his blood pooling around him.
She didn’t remember what happen after that. She vaguely heard someone screaming and she and Khun being moved, but it’s all feel so far and unclear. When she came back to herself, they’re already in the car, on the way back to the compound, and Tankhun cleaning the blood from her shaking hands.
****
He was fourteen when he cleaned the blood from her hand for the first time.
It was not surprising when someone took the opportunity to try to take him when he’s out of the house, in a crowded place, with no guard close by. The most surprising thing from the whole ordeal was Amara’s reaction.
He had expected her to hide behind him in fear, he had expected himself to protect her, he had expected them to run. What he didn’t expected was for her to pushed him aside, to stand between him and the kidnapper, to fight, to kill. But she did all of that, and goes into shock not long after.
Tankhun heard her whisper quietly as he cleaned her hand from the blood, voice surprisingly steady.
“That was my first kill,” she huffed out a laugh. “I never want to be an assassin, but I guess we can’t run from what we born, raised, and trained into.”
Tankhun pulled her into his tight embrace. “Thank you.”
“Anything to keep my favourite person save.”
Four
She was fourteen when she feels like burning the world down
Amara was frantic. Barking order after order as soon as she barge into the security control room in the Theerapanyakul compound. Tankhun had been missing, all the guards in his detail had been found death, and no one had enough brain to tell her. If Kimhant hadn’t called her secretly and told her about it, she was sure that papa Korn wouldn’t let her know until it was too late.
They found Tankhun hours later, held captive in a house own by one of their enemies. She’s the one who found him, lying bound and naked on the floor in one of the bedrooms, two men hovering above him, touching him. She shot both of their leg, enough to made them less of a threat, but not enough to kill them. They need to pay for what they did to her Tana and she’ll make them beg to be killed, because once she’s done with them, they would think that death would be much more merciful.
****
He was sixteen when he feels himself shattered
Tankhun never beg for mercy, never beg to be spared, but at this moment he felt like begging. He wants to be spared, he wants mercy, he wants death. Death would be less painful than what his captors did to him, to his body. He was kicking and screaming, asking them to stop, asking them to kill him. He keeps trying to fight, but in the end, pain had made his body shutting down. Even then, they still wouldn’t stop and he still alive.
****
“What exactly did they do?” Vegas asked Kim. Both of them had been leaning side by side against the wall in the torture room for quite some time now.
“They hurt hia Khun,” Kim answered.
“So that’s why je looks so angry.”
“How to make them scream louder?” Kim asked suddenly.
“Smash their kneecaps or their ribs,” Vegas shrugged, “but I don’t think they still able to scream at this point. I heard it’s been hours.”
“Almost 2 hours, and I don’t think je’s going to stop anytime soon.”
“Should we join her?”
“Nah, we’re not supposed to be here after all.”
Both boys chuckled before continue to watch, not bothered by the scream nor the sight of the tortured people in front of them.
Five
Amara was twenty, crying on unfamiliar bed, in unfamiliar house, in a place where the Theerapanyakul didn’t have any hold nor power. She’s been forced to left everything she have. Forced to leave her home, her life, her Tana. Faking her death to save herself and her love ones. Not knowing whether she could ever get everything back. Not knowing whether she could get back to her Tana.
Tankhun was twenty-two, lying awake on his too big bed, feeling numb. It’s only been a week, yet his papa had stopped all attempt to search for Amara’s body, none of his begging and tantrum could made him change his mind. Amara had been proclaimed dead this morning, per his papa instruction and Khun has been numb since.
Six
Amara was twenty-five waiting anxiously for Tankhun to come out of the weapon room. Tankhun was twenty-seven when he punched Amara outside the weapon room. It’s been five years since they last saw each other. There’s explanation to be made and relationship to be mended, but not now. There were too many things to do at the moment, and so little time to finish it all.