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There was something absolutely beautiful about Dick Grayson that Jason always had a hard time placing together. It was all the little things that added up. Like how his laugh was contagious, filled a room and made people smile. Or how his messy dark locks always bounced and splayed around. Perhaps it was that constant twinkle to his eyes.
But really, it was the fact that he was so vibrant.
After a life of absolute dullness and anger, Dick was a welcomed change to Jason’s rage fueled life. Dick radiated positivity. He was vivid in each of his movements, his words catching people’s ears. It was also how emotional he was, how he was quick to love but have an even quicker temper.
Though Jason adored Dick, this was definitely not one of the times he adored his temper. Not one bit. In fact, the acrobat was making the antihero’s own anger flare. A lot.
The Red Hood had done something that Dick strongly disapproved of. Killing. It had been earlier that night when the Hood and Nightwing were bringing down an organized crime. Jason had killed the man who was in charge of trafficking and abusing girls. It wasn’t right what that dead man did.
But apparently, ridding the world of a menace was wrong also.
The two barely made it to their apartment before Dick burst, throwing his hands up in the air, screaming at the top of his lungs.
“Jason, you didn’t need to kill him!” The vigilante screamed out.
The antihero’s own words came loudly out his lungs. “God damn it Dick! He had to go! Do I really have to list out all the reasons?”
“The cops would have sent him to prison.”
“And then what? He breaks out? He rapes some others in jail? Kills more people? Secretly deals from within? Hell no, that isn’t happening on my watch!”
“Killing is not the solution to everything!”
“I didn’t say it was.”
“You sure act like it.”
A growl burst out of Jason’s chest. “How can I make you understand? I don’t kill for the hell of it! I kill to make this world a safer place for the kids who were like me!”
Dick’s flinched at that before his face went completely cold, freezing over like a glacier. “You don’t have to make me understand. And you won’t ever have to try to again.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“It’s over Jason.”
Jason’s heart skipped a beat. “What’s over?”
“Us.” cried Dick.
This had to be some kind of cruel joke. “You’re kidding.” Jason murmured.
“No, I’m not.” Tears sprung in Dick’s eyes, turning the whites of his eyes red. “I can’t keep being with you and feeling guilty for not stopping you from killing people. I just can’t anymore. I’ve stood to the side and watched you kill for long enough.”
Jason felt like a wrecking ball just smacked him. Hoarsely, he said, “No, Dick. Don’t leave. I can make this right.”
Sadly, Dick shook his head. “No, you can’t. You’ll always kill, and I always can’t tolerate it.” The tears began to leak over.
“No. Just stay okay. Can- can’t we just talk? Take a step back and- and think about this?”
Mournfully, Dick placed a hand on Jason’s cheek. It felt like something final, like the door of light that was Dick was slamming closed in Jason’s face, throwing him back into that pit of darkness he knew all too well. So he leaned into Dick’s touch, relishing the last bit of physical contact, feeling his warmth and calloused hand. Inhaling his sweet musky scent, taking in those beautiful baby blue eyes.
To his surprise, Todd felt tears flood his eyes also. Stuttering around a rising sob, “P- ple-please Dick. Don’t leave. Don’t leave me.” Don’t leave me like everyone else did. Don’t leave me like how my dad and mom did, don’t leave like Bruce did. Don’t leave like how everyone else did.
Don’t leave like how you did before.
“I loved you Jason. But it’s time for me to go.” Dick’s hand dropped and it felt like he also just dropped Jason’s already fragile and broken heart. Dropped it right into the sharks. Before Dick, he would have been almost okay with his heart being shredded apart again. He would have used it to fuel his work even more. But now? He felt numb. Dick said loved. As in past tense.
He no longer loved Jason.
Loved.
When did he stop loving Jason?
Somehow, that was almost as bad as the Joker beating Jason with a crowbar. It echoed in his hollow chest.
Then Dick spun on his heel gracefully, and walked out of the door.
Jason was all painfully aware of all that was happening. That he just fucked up his own relationship, that he was the one to drive the precious relationship into ruins, that Dick no longer wanted him because of him.
As always, the antihero was unwanted. Because he was being himself, doing the dirty work.
Head spinning a hundred miles an hour and heart shattering like broken glass under a hammer, Jason looked for something to help relieve the pain. To stop the onslaught of tears and the ancient pain in his chest. He didn’t hesitate to stumble over to the cabinet by the sink, pulling out bottles of whiskey, Russian vodka, and tequila. Shuffling back to the living room, Jason sat down and drank. He didn’t even shudder as the alcohol burned down his throat, as it warmed up the anger kindled in his belly.
He let himself sink into it. Back into the fury, because it was easier to feel that than regret or grief. Anger had always been his companion and comfort since he was a kid. Anger was basically the antihero’s essence. It was his unwavering companion.
He did some pretty irrational things while he was angry and drunk as hell.
First, he flipped over the table, took off the leg and splintered the table into bits of wood. Then he tore up the couch cushions, sending fluff everywhere. He finished the bottles of alcohol and threw those into the wall. He flipped over the dresser, sending Dick’s abandoned clothes everywhere. Then he stomped on them and ruined them by throwing bleach on each piece of clothing. In the bathroom, he punched the mirror senseless, shattering the reflection he didn’t want to see. It looked like a tornado swept through the apartment. Then he decided to not give any shits for the night.
He decided to go out as the Red Hood, drunk as fuck, with his beloved Glocks. He went around Gotham, killing any gang member he saw, any criminal he saw through the stolen police records he had. Anyone bad had a big red X on them, and each one got two bullets in the back of the head. It was a busy night for the Red Hood. His guns emptied quickly, and soon he ran out of ammo for his Glock and had to switch to semi automatics. Those really made the scums drop like a sack of potatoes.
All through the night, roaring angry and reeking of alcohol, he didn’t see the vigilante Nightwing. He didn’t see the smaller man flip across rooftops to stop Jason from going berserk on criminals. He wasn’t there to stop Jason from killing.
Jason was furious. He was mad that Dick, who promised never to hurt him, had done exactly that.
So he would hurt him back this way.
Do everything that Dick strongly disapproved of.
The next day, Jason awoke with one of the worst hangovers of life. He spent the day in the bathroom, puking up his guts. In between puking, he slept off the remaining toxins in his bloodstream. With his body all sorts of sore and out of whack, Jason stayed in that night.
He thought he would return back into that depressive state of his, where he didn’t want to move, breathe, or do anything. And for a little while, he did feel like that. Jason felt like he could take a Glock to his head just to stop the heartache, to make the pain finally stop. To get the RIP he never got the first time he died.
Then he remembered why he was alive and why he shouldn’t be in a grave again.
It was no accident he was alive again. To him, being alive again meant he got the chance to do the necessary things no one else would do. To become a criminal for the greater good, doing the wrong things for the right reason. When Jason came back, some of his morals were left behind also. Really, he didn’t mind. Methods like his made Gotham safer, made one less kid on the street like him.
The next day, after he recovered from his hangover, he got up, donned his hood, and went out to do exactly that. No more pity parties. Just him, his ammo, and explosives.
Screw what Dick thought. This was what he was doing whether the damn acrobat liked it or not. If he had more to say to Jason, it wouldn’t be a problem to track him down with all the bodies he was dropping.
If Dick wanted to act like Bruce and push Jason away because of the way he was, then fine.
Despite his nonchalance about the break up, it still hurt.
The loneliness and pain twisted what little was left of Jason’s heart.
Dick was hoping to move on. He knew it would be hard, especially with Jason’s bloodshot eyes and broken expression engraved into his brain.
He kept telling himself it was the best for them. That it completely justified the fact he tore out Jason’s heart.
Broke his promise doing that.
Jason and Dick lied sprawled by each other on the bed, both naked and vulnerable underneath the cool covers. Facing each other, Dick could see that Jason was about to ask something serious.
“What is it, Little Wing?” asked Dick, one finger reaching out to trace the sculpted face of the antihero.
Jason looked like he wasn’t sure whether to ask his question or not. Uncertainty was in his pretty blue eyes, and it made Dick all the more curious to know what he was thinking of. After some moments of silence, Jason finally voiced his thoughts. “Dick, you aren’t ever going to leave me alone, are you?”
He sounded afraid.
There was no need to be scared though. Damning morning breath, Dick leaned closer, pressing a quick, sweet kiss to Jason’s lips. “I love you Jay. I don’t think I could leave you without breaking myself. I’m here to stay even if you don’t like it.”
Dick had been right about that. Leaving Jason felt like he tore off a limb, and it was hard to concentrate. Doing acrobatic things felt strange without Jason near. Looking at beer tugged guilt in his chest. It was his own doing though. He was the one to break up with Jason, he caused his own heartbreak. God knows how much he hurt the antihero. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know how much hurt he caused.
He just needed some time alone. To sort through the maze of emotions and thoughts.
Eventually, after a couple days of moping in heart ache, Dick came out of hiding. In the night, he put on his mask and Nightwing suit, sweeping the area. As he flipped over rooftops, he heard conversations. The words he heard the most were “Red Hood” and “he’s killed one of my men.” After hearing all of this many times, he stopped to eavesdrop.
“-yeah, Oscar was just putting a crate of that new drug in a car, but then all of a sudden, he just drop! Like splat! Boss, I’m telling you, it was the craziest thing I’ve ever seen. So next thing I did, I hid behind a pile of trash cans, and then here comes swinging the Red Hood. The crazy bastard didn’t see me, cause he saw someone else. Two minutes later, boom! I hear his gun fire then I run over there, right? I see one of my best crew men lying there in a puddle of his own blood, half his head blown off. I’m telling ya, we need to get outta Gotham before this Hood guy finds us then kills us.”
The other man the thug was talking to said thoughtfully, “He’s been merciless lately. Screwing up pretty much every business happening, and killing lots of people without even talking to ‘em or nothing. Just shoot all the guys with things on their records and killing whoever he knows is bad. Gotham is going to become a fucking grave yard, and I don’t wanna be part of it.”
“See, I’m telling ya. We gotta head somewhere else.”
That was all Dick needed to know. Pulling away, he started up his routine of flipping across buildings.
At first, he just thought. About Jason. About what he was doing. How it pained him so. How he should go find Red Hood and tell him to stop killing.
Seeing Jason in the state he was in would only hurt more.
Hurt both of them more.
So instead of acrobating towards crime alley, Dick headed back to his own apartment. All of his belongings went into a suitcase loaded into his car. He made a few calls.
Then he went back to Bludhaven.
Jason spent most of his days and nights the same way each day. He completely broke his sleeping habits he had with Dick, going nocturnal. As soon as the sun went down around seven, the Red Hood was out and about. He wouldn’t get home till the sun had risen, and there, he would drink more than a couple beers. He’d pass out, wake up around one pm. Work out, do what he needed to do as a civilian like buy food, take care of his guns, follow up on some leads till it was time to go out at night again.
Each day was pretty much the same. Full of busy work to keep his mind off of Dick. Filled with loneliness, filled with some dull ache in his chest and an empty feeling. The only way to not feel so shitty was to keep moving, to stay busy. To feel something other than pain. Like physical pain, adrenaline, anger.
It wasn’t a surprise when he no longer saw Nightwing prancing around Gotham and instead, heard that he was back in Bludhaven.
Knowing that the vigilante just got up and left so easily hurt. Was Jason really so discard able to people?
He decided that was why he felt so much pain.
After a few weeks of the antihero’s redundant, predictable routine, he suddenly felt the need to talk to people. He wanted to actually talk to someone that didn’t have the barrel of his guns at their temple. So on a Thursday night, he hit a bar. It wasn’t terribly busy, but it certainly wasn’t empty either. There was this busty blonde that kept eyeing Jason as he slid up to a stool by the bar, ordering himself a strong beer while he just sat and watched some football game. It was kinda funny to see overly buff guys just smack each other around over a ball. He could feel the girl’s glances, and he thought just maybe, just maybe, he could have some fun tonight. Halfway through his beer and eleven plays later, he sensed someone behind him. Swiveling around on his stool, he came face to face with his old Outlaw pals instead of the hot blonde. He didn’t know whether to be disappointed or not. Stealing a quick glance at the blonde, he saw that she was watching them, and at the sight of the lustrous Kory, she set her sights on some other guy. Damn.
Strangely, this funky little curve to his lips happened. “Kory. Roy.”
“Hey Jason.” Roy said, sitting down by Jason. Kory sat down on the other side of Jason, the two surrounding him. He felt like he knew why they were here, it was heavy in the air, but Jason just sipped some more of his beer.
Both of the Outlaws were wearing civvies. Kory’s glowing green eyes were covered up by sunglasses, no surprise there. Her outfit was tight and revealing as always. Roy looked like a freaking truck driver with his ratty shoes and trucker hat. Roy ordered himself a light beer while Kory didn’t get anything.
“What do you guys want? You’re not here in Gotham for any reason.” Jason went straight into the question, not bothering with a warm up conversation. Blunt was the way to go.
“Wow, your detective skills have really sharpened!” Roy said sarcastically.
Kory scowled at Roy before turning towards Jason. “We are here in Gotham for a reason Jason. For you. We heard of what happened with you and Dick.”
Jason tried not to let his muscles stiffen at the name, but he let his hands tighten around the beer. “Okay. So?”
“I’m sorry for what occurred. I know it must be hard.” She touched his arm gently.
“You came here to give me pity? How sweet guys. I just might take it if you buy all my drinks for me tonight.”
“We didn’t come to let you sob in front of a TV and stuff yourself with chocolate.” Roy rolled his eyes.
“Actually, I’ve been stuffing myself with beer.”
“Whatever. We came to see if you were okay. Are you?”
He avoided the question. “What took you so damn long to fine me?”
“You’re a hard man to find. Besides, Kory and I had been on a mission in Russia.”
“I do not think you wish to speak about Dick?” questioned Kory.
“What gave me away?”
“So no talking about Dick.” Roy said.
Jason didn’t bother to keep up conversation. It was silent as they just sat and looked at the TV screen, watching a load of players tackle and spit on the grass. The silence grew pressing, heavy. Suffocating. It made Jason want to snap even though there was calming alcohol running through his veins. Sighing, he looked at the two.
“You two didn’t come here just to check up on me. What do you want?”
They looked relieved that Jason said something.
Roy spoke for the two. “Ya see, we have this off world mission we need to start by tomorrow. Thing is, it’s a three man job.”
“You need me.”
“Yes.” Kory said.
“What’s the mission?”
“There’s an escaped prisoner on the planet Zamora. He’s killed one of their leaders and taken their position. His name is something alien and weird. Our job is to take him back to Starlag prison. The leaders on Zamora are paying us big bucks, enough cash to load us for a good four months or so.”
Jason spun his beer bottle in his hands.
“So what do you say?”
“Sure. But the ship better have a fridge full of beer.”
“Done.”
Back in Bludhaven, Dick was readjusting to his old routine. To a routine that didn’t involve Jason. He was finding it harder than he thought it to be. He missed waking up next to the smell of leather and cigarettes, missed Jason’s snarky remarks, or how he was secretly a teddy bear.
He felt… empty.
Dick did everything he could think of to fill that void. He worked a lot in his day and night job. He helped more people. Hell, he even let this cute brunette girl he met at the grocery store kinda date him. The girl, Miranda, was sweet and small, someone Dick liked immensely. Thing was, she was normal. A civilian. She had no idea about his nocturnal schedule, just the Dick Grayson that everyone else knew. Dick knew that their beading relationship wouldn’t get very far before he’d have to end it. Miranda would get too curious, and possibly get hurt.
For now, Dick would just stay with her, because she made the empty feeling in his chest vanish when he was with her.
The thing with Miranda though, was that even though she was as sweet as sugar and bubbly as Dick, he could see parts of Jason in here. Like that funny little half smirk she had when Dick said something cheesy and stupid. Or how her denim blue eyes were just a shade lighter than Jason’s. Or it was her sassy remarks that sent Dick spinning back into a moment with Jason that made his chest feel all twisted up.
No matter how hard Dick tried to not compare these things to Jason, he couldn’t. Dick left Gotham for Bludhaven, and Jason had left Gotham for another galaxy, and that distance should have made some sort of difference in how much his heart hurt. It should have hurt less, it should have made Miranda the best girlfriend ever, it should have made the ghosts of the antihero go away.
Instead, Dick was still haunted. He didn’t see Jason in just Miranda though, he saw it in the criminals he knocked out at night. Their gruff nature, trying to survive, just like Jason. He saw it in the other people he walked past on the street, and every time he smelled the bittersweet smoke from a cigarette, he thought it was Jason. Dick really had to stay away from leather motorcycle jackets, because smelling the musky scent of leather made his toes tingle and heart beat double time.
To make the ghosts of Jason appear less, he thought about Miranda. About all the things about her that didn’t resemble Jason, and it helped. He thought about her wide smile, the way her glossy lips felt on his, her soft curly hair, and how her laugh always made Dick laugh too.
Thinking about those things made him forget about Jason.
He wasn’t sure if he was glad about that.
Miranda wasn’t stupid. She knew that Dick was still hung over his ex, and that he spent his nights doing something he didn’t say anything about. After three weeks of this, she had had enough. She was done with the way he looked forlornly when someone smoked a cigarette, or how there was this funny look in his baby blue eyes when Miranda smirked. It was her or his ex.
She brought this up when the couple were huddled on his couch with some takeout while watching Forest Gump.
“Dick?” She asked, peering up at him.
He swallowed a mouthful of rice and noodles. “Yeah?”
“Can I ask you a serious question?”
“Uh, am I in trouble?”
A little smirk tilted her lips. As she did so, she saw that funny look in his eyes. “That depends.”
“Oh boy. This sounds serious.” He set down his plate and turned the volume down.
Miranda asked quietly, shyly, “Are you over your ex? Because I don’t think you are.”
Dick froze, eyes closing briefly. “Do we have to talk about this?”
“Yes.”
He sighed, silent. Searching for words. Miranda waited for him to say something.
“Miranda, I’ve really been trying to get him out of my life. I really have.”
“I know. But you still get these weird looks… You see something in him in me, don’t you?”
She was dead on, and it made Dick’s chest tighten. Maybe that was why he found Miranda so charming. Because she reminded him of Jason. He admitted, “Yeah, sometimes I do.”
“I don’t want to be that kind of girl for you.”
“I don’t want you to be either. But I’m really trying.”
“Dick, if you don’t get over him, then I can’t be with you.”
His face kinda twisted into something like pain and something else she couldn’t quite put her finger on. “Okay. I understand.”
“If you really do understand, then you need to get over him. It’s been almost two months.”
“I know.” He ran a hand through his messy locks. “Just give me a bit more time, okay?”
“I will… I really like you Dick.”
“I really like you too.”
“Then prove it.”
Easier said than done.
Being cooped up in the space ship, not matter how big, was not fun. Especially with Roy and Kory, who could never stop being around each other. It was painfully obvious Jason was the third wheel, and he wanted to hit himself for agreeing to go on this mission with the horny couple. They tried to be quiet whenever they were doing their gross, dirty things, but apparently they didn’t know what quiet was. Most nights, Jason ended up sitting outside the ship, working on their plans to take down the alien criminal.
The criminal’s name was hella weird, but roughly translated into more earthly names, it was something like Holden. After nearly two months of gathering intel on Holden, watching him, and planning an attack to bring him down, it was finally time to take down the bastard.
Once they took him down, he would be convicted to Starlag for killing, blackmailing, trafficking weapons and Zamora’s people, and premeditated murders. Jason was gleeful to do so. Roy and Kory shared mutual feelings with Jason about that, especially Kory. They were eager to swing the plan in motion and leave the planet to go home.
Before they went out into their positions, they reviewed the attack around a map.
“Okay, so Roy, you get behind here, firing from a distance.” Jason pointed at a space shuttle base building that conjoined with the roads. “And Kory, you’re airborne. Eyes open for anything and Roy’s air support.” She nodded. “I’ll be here,” Jason pointed at the building next to Holden’s palace. “I’ll be taking out the squad that will be trying to move Holden to the safety of his place. Once you have taken out all the guards, I’ll take Holden to the ship. Remember, this can’t take any more than ten minutes before Holden’s other team of body guards show up. And if they do, we’re gonna have a lot more to do on our hands than we need.”
“Be careful Jason.” Kory said. “I have a strange feeling about this.”
“I’ll be fine. Let’s get into position.”
The Outlaws scattered into the designated places. Kory floated around in the air out of eyeshot, Roy took position behind a building, and Jason was up in a tall plant thing with his sniper rifle. It was a tree of some sort, but it didn’t have leaves. Instead it had lots of weird fluffy blue things on it and the trunk was sparkling and gray. Jason couldn’t wait to get back to earth, where trees weren’t sparkling and the food was good. Where there was nice, artificial energy boosters and plenty of scums to take his anger out on.
Through the sniper rifle’s eyepiece, Jason saw the action happening. Holden was riding in a floating little car with two dozen men around him. Two dozen men? Why did he have so many? There was only supposed to be twelve. He always traveled with a dozen, no more, no less. Why would he conveniently have twice the amount of body guards than he usually had? Something was wrong. Kory and Roy sensed this also, their voice crackling through the com.
“Holden has twice as many guards than expected.” Kory stated.
“Yeah, they’re going to a bitch to take out.” Roy grumbled.
“No, guys think. Why would Holden have so many body guards on the day we’re suppose to take him down?” Jason growled. “If you redheads don’t know the answer, I will shoot you guys.”
“Damn it! Someone must have tipped him off.” Roy cursed. “He probably got the info from one of the leaders or has a snitch.”
“If someone tipped him off, then he knows where we’re ambushing him. He’s expecting us. Thier guys are probably loaded and on high alert.”
“Should we retreat?” Kory whispered.
Jason thought about it for a moment. They had been waiting for this opportunity for nearly two months. When was another window like this going to happen? Probably never with someone tipping Holden off.
“Let’s go on with it.” Jason said. “We’re not going to have another opportunity. You guys are going to need me over there with the small army Holden’s got. I’ll get closer.” Jason stood up, sniper rifle tucked under his arm and balanced on a branch, then jumped across to the nearest three, which wasn’t very far away. He did that until he got close enough to slow moving car. He set up a position in another blue fluffy tree. “Okay. I’m in position. Let’s get this show on the road.”
Kory began hailing down star bolts and Roy’s arrows streamed their way through, piercing body guards and setting off small explosions. Jason began picking off the guards closest to Holden, sniping them down. As soon as the fighting begun, Holden’s people pulled out Zamoran laser guns. Their guns were much like human made one’s, but instead of a bullet, a laser tore open the flesh with extremely concentrated heat.
Sniping from his position wasn’t really doing much. So Jason abandoned the heavy, clunky gun and flipped down into the battle, kris in one hand, gun in the other. Lasers were flying everywhere, which Jason barely dodged. He flipped and twisted his way through the maze of fighting towards Holden, dropping six guards at least, and injuring two more. In the center of the chaos, surrounding by two guards, was Holden, trying to make his way out of the fighting. He was ugly, with pasty white skin and pitch black pits for eyes.
Jason shot one of the guards right in between his squinty eyes, sending him toppling down. The second, bigger one, immediately lunged for Jason. The antihero dodged, sending a punch at the big guy. He took it well, barely stumbling back before he landed a kick on Jason’s hand. There was a nasty crunch as the gun flew out of his hand. Something definitely broke, causing a growl of pain to escaped Jason’s lips.
“Oh, you’re going to pay for that.” Jason snarled, going after the alien with his kris. Thanks to being smaller than the larger man, it gave him some advantage. He was quicker and harder to catch. After a few fancy moves and a couple slices, Jason managed to get behind the guard, and sink his kris deep within his neck. Howling, the guard fell. The antihero only pushed the kris in deeper, making sure the alien was dead. He clung onto the guard as he fell, then severed his head.
“Told ya so.” Jason singed, slowly straightening, holding his mangled hand cautiously.
“Jason watch out!” Roy screamed.
“Wha-” Just as Jason finished straightening up from killing the guard, he saw Holden wielding a Zamoran gun. Before he could duck, jump out of the way or anything, a laser shot out of the barrel right towards Jason. All he could do was stand there, holding his broken hand, watching the laser blaze impossibly fast towards him. Within a second, it hit him at the bottom of his chest, slicing through a rib, through muscle and tissue, the bottom of his lungs and barely missing his spine, and out his back.
For some long moments, Jason’s world was completely whited out in shock and pain, and all he could do was press a hand to the wound dizzily. Distantly, he heard Kory and Roy scream his name. Ears ringing, body feeling like complete jello, Jason collapsed to his knees, unable to support himself. His good hand planted onto the ground, arm trembling in effort. Looking up, he saw Holden had the gun still aimed at him. This time, at his head. The gun’s lasers could pierce through his thick helmet with its heat, melt a hole into Jason’s head.
Fucking hell.
Just as he thought the bastard was going to put another laser through his brains, Holden burst into a hot jumble of pink and red, screaming. Kory’s doing. With weary satisfaction, Jason watched Holden burn to death, skin melting, screams strangling his dispersing throat. Well, Starlag had one less prisoner to take care of now.
“Jason!” Kory cried, flying down to a kneel by Jason, her warm arms encircling him so that he was out of his kneel and leaning against her. His blood immediately stained her orange skin, dripping down her bare skin. Roy stumbled down over to the two, tucking his bow away, face more ashen than usual.
“We need to get him back to the ship.” Kory said. “There are medical supplies and technologies on board that I have from Tamaran.”
“Well, what are you waiting for? Go Kory! I’ll catch up.”
The Tamaranian didn’t hesitate to sweep Jason into her arms. A pained grunt escaped his lips at the jostle, blood quickly soaking through his armor and onto Kory’s. If Jason lived, he would deny every second of this, of having to be carried like a baby, but at the moment, things looked bleak and he couldn’t quite bring himself to care. Jason was bleeding rapidly enough that blood was dripping out of him, down to the ground below and Kory’s grip on him became slippery as it slicked her arms. As she held him and flew towards the ship, overwhelming thoughts coursed through his mind.
They consisted of solely one thought, one person. One entity.
Dick.
At that moment, he let himself feel all the regret and longing he hadn’t let himself allow to feel. He let him feel that warm feeling in his chest when he thought of Dick to bloom in his chest, let all the good memories take over instead of the last time he saw Dick. More than anything, he wanted Dick with him in his final moments. He wouldn’t be surprised if Dick didn’t feel the same, but it wasn’t like it mattered. Jason was probably going to die within the next hours. If he didn’t survive, which was very possible right now, he needed to make sure Kory passed a message for him.
“Kor…” Jason rasped.
“Shh. Jason, you must save your strength.” Her green eyes were worried as she held him closer, as if doing so would somehow keep him alive.
“No. Kory, if I die again-” a bloody cough interrupted his words, blood tricking out of his mouth. Kory looked pained.
“Do not say that Jason. You will be fine.”
“Shut up Kory.”
She bit her lip in response. Jason went on shakily, trying to make his heavy tongue and voice work through the overwhelming pain that threatened to black him out.
“Promise me that you’ll…” another cough. “You’ll tell Dick that I…”
Kory landed in front of the plane, clicking the keys and swooping in there.
“Tell him what?” She seemed to know what he was going to say, but let him finish.
“Tell him that I’ve always… loved him… And that’s he’s an idiot.” A fit of coughing took over Jason’s body, sending more blood pulsing out of his torso and mouth. It pooled around him, staining the cot, sending agony rushing down his spine.
She touched his hand tenderly. “I promise Jason.”
That was all he needed to hear before the pain took over, sending him into the realm of unconsciousness.
Dick had just gotten home from his night work as Nightwing when his cell phone vibrated demandingly. Who the hell was calling him this late? For God’s sake, it was four AM and all he wanted to do was pass out on his bed. He checked the caller ID. Kory. The screen filled with her flaming red hair and bright green eyes. She never called. Unless it was an emergency. Sleep would have to wait.
He answered the phone sleepily, peeling off his mask and throwing it onto his bed. “Hello?”
“Dick.” It was Kory, her voice warm as her skin.
“What’s so important you called me? Aren’t you off world with the Outlaws?” With Jason?
“Not anymore. We just got back three hours ago.”
“Oh. Fantastic. How was it?”
“We subdued the escaped prisoner… If you understand what I mean.”
Dick frowned. “Oh. Well then. Everyone came back in one piece?” The last part was a joke, so of course he froze up with Kory’s blunt answer. Everyone always came back in one piece. Usually.
“No.”
“No? Is everyone alright?” Dick was alarmed. He found himself praying that Jason was okay. That she wouldn’t say what he didn’t want to hear. But his gut was dropping with dread.
“Roy and I are unharmed.”
His heart skipped a beat. Clearing his throat, “Jason?”
“He is why I called.” She took a calming breath, silence filling the phones. Dick waited for her to elaborate, to say more. Finally, she did after a few long moments. “Jason was shot in the chest with a laser gun.”
Oh God no. Not his heart. Don’t tell me he was shot in the heart.
“It broke his bottom two ribs… And went straight through him.”
Dick had to sit down, head falling into his hands. The world was spinning.
“Is he…dead?” croaked Dick. The mere thought had his heart twisting and regret washing through him like a tidal wave, threatening to take him under if Kory didn’t give him the right answer.
“No. I managed to keep him alive with some Tamaranian technology. But he is critical.”
“Will he be okay?”
“That is uncertain.”
It felt like someone just shot him.
Kory went on. “Dick, before he passed out. He made me promise to tell you something.”
To his surprise, tears were falling down his face, and his throat was all clogged and scratchy. “What?”
“I believe it is best if I told you in person.”
“Okay.”
“We are at the Batcave, since we did not know where else to go. Batman has called in a special doctor, Leslie Thompkins, to care for Jason.”
“I’ll be over there in about thirty minutes.”
He hung up, mind whirling. That one phone call had dug up feelings Dick had tried so hard to get rid of. Concern, loyalty, love. It took Jason to nearly die again for Dick to realize he needed Jason and loved him despite pulling away. That the he needed Dick. Who was he kidding? All this time, he had been lying to himself that he could move on without Jason. It obviously wasn’t true since he was in a near panic attack state.
Screw Jason’s stupid morality and ways of justice. Dick wanted him. He wanted him to be alive and well, and with Dick more than anything. Admitting this made him realize that Miranda was just some rebound chick to help him not mope around all day.
Stripping out of his Nightwing costume quickly, Dick threw on some civvies. His favorite pair of jeans and a skin tight Under Armor shirt along with a pair of sneakers he hadn’t worn in forever. Then he grabbed his phone, keys, hastily set up his alarms and locked the door, then flung himself into his car and high tailed it back to Gotham. As he drove like a maniac towards Gotham, he called Miranda. Things were never going to work out with her anyways.
She answered the phone with a yawn. “Dick? Whatcha doing up so early?”
“Look Miranda, I need to tell you something.”
“Oh boy. You know, I learned from watching How I Met Your Mother that nothing good ever happens after two am.”
“Um, you’re right.”
“Great.”
“I know this is probably the worst time to tell you this, but… I can’t be with you. You were right. I’m not over my ex and I don’t think I will be anytime soon.”
“Oh.” She sounded more awake now. “So… This is you breaking up with me?”
“Ah, yes.”
“Hmph. Figures. I’m not surprised though.” There was bitterness in her voice that Dick hadn’t heard before, then the line abruptly went dead. He felt bad for dumping this on Miranda at such a bad hour in the day, but he was too worried about Jason to really care. He made it back to Gotham in record time, screeching to a halt in front of the Manor.
Alfred answered the door before Dick even made it to the steps. “Miss Kory wishes to see you, Master Dick. She is waiting in your old room and says it’s very urgent.”
“Thanks Alfie.” Dick took the stairs two at a time, stumbling into his old room. Perched on his desk like a model was Kory, worriedly playing with the ends of her red hair. Exhaustion was written all over her, and Dick felt exactly like that too. When he came in, she stood up, ceasing her fiddling.
“Dick.”
“Kory. Hey. How’s Jason?”
Her eyes casted downward. “Not well, I’m afraid. Dr. Leslie Thompkins has done everything in her power to help Jason. She has stopped the bleeding and patched him up. He had to have blood transfusions. He’s alive for now. The doctor isn’t sure if he will heal.”
A lump formed in Dick’s throat. “He’s a fighter. He’ll pull through.”
“I hope so.”
He shoved his hands in his pockets. “So what did he make you promise?”
Unnerving green eyes looked into his, and she stepped closer, showing that what she was about to tell him was very personal. One orange hand rested on his shoulder, making his heart beat double time. What did Jason want to say that was so important?
“Before he passed out, he made me promise to tell you something for him.” She swallowed. “He wanted me to tell you that he has always loved you… And that you are an idiot.”
A humorless bark of laughter fell from his lips at that last part. But that was all he could manage, because then the waterworks began. Tears fell down his face like a waterfall, sobs making his shoulders shake. Kory’s warm arms hugged Dick close, letting him cry on her pretty blouse.
Jason still loved him. Those were his last words if he died again.
And the last thing Dick had told him was that he didn’t want him anymore.
The last thing he had told Jason was a lie.
Once Dick composed himself and thoroughly soaked Kory’s blouse with salty tears, she left him alone to his thoughts and to let him get a hold of himself. In the bathroom, he splashed his face with water, then put on the face the Bat family needed him to: hopeful. He didn’t want to hang around anyone at the Manor though. Not Damian, Tim, Bruce, Barbara, Cass, Steph, or anyone. He just wanted to be with Jason. He found Alfred in the kitchen, working intently on some dough. He guessed that baking was helping him cope with the fact that they might lose Jason again.
“Alfie?” Dick asked.
“Yes Master Dick?”
“Where’s Jason?”
“He’s in the guest room on this floor. We didn’t want to risk moving him upstairs.”
“Thanks Alfie.” Dick turned around and booked it to Jason’s room, cautiously opening the door. Thankfully, no one was in there at the moment. Dr. Leslie had seen that Tim neglected to take care of a deep wound and forced him to sit down and be patched up. She wouldn’t be back up here for a while, which gave Dick some privacy with Jason.
At the sight of Jason, he had to pause at the doorway. He was hooked up to all these machines, heart monitors, more than two IV poles, tubes and wires that snaked under the covers. An oxygen mask was over his face, meaning he needed help breathing. His hand was in a cast, which made him look all the more delicate. His skin was ivory pale, there were dark circles under his closed eyes, and the amount of bandages wrapped around his torso was obnoxious.
Unsteadily, Dick sank into a chair by Jason, pulling it closer to him, and holding his hand. There was this plastic clip thing on his index finger that helped keep track of his heart beat or something. All the more of showing how delicate he was at the moment. Lovingly, Dick leaned down, pressing a kiss to Jason’s forehead, his free hand pushing the messy two toned hair off of his forehead.
“I love you Jay.” He whispered, as if it they were meaningful enough to heal him or the very least, make him wake up. It was a confession he had kept deep in his heart, buried under layers of resentment for Jason’s moral decisions. It was a confession he had no trouble admitting, but it would bring him indecision and future complications later.
Jason didn’t even twitch.
Dick stayed in his seat even when Dr. Thompkins came in to make sure Jason was stable. He didn’t get up when Bruce or any of the Bat family members came in. He stayed there the whole time, only getting up to do his business in the bathroom and to take a quick shower so he didn’t reek. Otherwise, he stayed in that chair, or when he was sure he was going to be alone for some time with just Jason, he curled up next to Jason on the huge bed and pretended they were just cuddling.
Five whole days passed before Jason finally stirred. Dick was sitting in the chair, holding onto one of Jason’s hands as he watched a rerun of Loony Toons. He didn’t even notice that Jason had woken when his deep voice croaked out, “That show is for three year olds. But I guess you are a baby.”
Dick gasped, turning his attention to Jason, who was awake, his snarky smirk in place.
“Jason!”
“That’s me.”
“Jay, how are you feeling? Any pain?”
“ ‘M fine. Really dopey.”
“I have to get Dr. Leslie.” Dick began to get up, but Jason held onto Dick’s hand. Curiously, he looked back down.
“One sec.” Jason rasped. “Kory told you?”
Dick sat back down. “Yes.”
“And?”
“And…” Dick’s eyes flickered away for a moment before meeting Jason’s. “I think that I’m staying with you. For good. If that’s okay with you.”
Something in Jason’s eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas day receiving a present. It made Dick feel all mushy and toasty like a marshmallow at a camp fire.
“More than okay with me.”