Chapter Text
francis, a blonde of medium height, and kaylee, a slightly taller carrottop (orange ass hair), are walking through the mall. it’s a chilly tuesday in mid february. the little rascals are skipping school! what rebels they are!
KAYLEE: “francis, i am still incredibly confused to why this was so important. why did we need to skip school just to come here?”
FRANCIS, COMBING BANGS WITH POCKET COMB: “oh you’ll see.”
the two gals keep on walking. on the opposite side of the mall, mattie is buying soup at soups-R-us. yknow that classic store. in malls. soups-R-us. yeah that’s where he is. skipping school for soup.
mattie, a short brunette with curly hair and suspiciously witch-like attire, is obsessively analyzing various tomato soups. he seems displeased with all options.
MATTIE, PICKING UP CANS: “ew. ew. ew? ew.”
DUSK: “hello, can i help you?”
dusk, faded purple with brunette roots, dressed in a red soups-R-us uniform, approaches mattie in an incredibly ominous fashion.
MATTIE, JUMPING: “oh my god what the fuck”
DUSK, UNMOVING: “oh my ba- mattie?”
MATTIE: “…dusk?”
DUSK: “hey lol”
MATTIE: “dusk did you just say ‘lol’ out loud”
DUSK: “…no”
MATTIE: “ok. anyways why are you working?? here?? on a tuesday???”
DUSK: “i dropped out of school to pursue my dream of soup salesmanship”
MATTIE: “do you share my deep passion and love for soup?????”
DUSK: “oh hell yeah”
mattie and dusk begin talking excitedly about soup. nothing can stop them now.
in some other distant corner of the mall, cat, leilani, and rebekah are also skipping school in an attempt to cheer leilani up after her breakup. cat- blue hair and pronouns, leilani- disney channel goth girl, and rebekah- rebekah, enter a hot topic. leilani is immediately drawn to a cardboard cutout of classic dracula.
LEILANI: “oh my…who is that…beautiful man i see..?”
CAT: “what”
LEILANI, SWOONING: “he’s gorgeous…oh my goodness…”
CAT: “leilani. leilani that’s a fucking cardboard cutout of dracula.”
REBEKAH: “cat, maybe she needs this.”
CAT: “no she doesn’t this is incredibly unhealthy”
LEILANI, OVER BY THE CUTOUT: “i’m leilani…and you are..?”
CAT: “holy fucking shit”
REBEKAH: “just let it happen.”
CAT: “oh my god.”
leilani brings the dracula cutout to the counter. behind it is brooklyn, a girl with shoulder length dark hair, wearing all black, heavy eyeshadow, and spiked arm cuffs. everyone’s mouths gape open in shock.
BROOKLYN: “…no. you’re kidding.”
LEILANI: “this is…different..?”
CAT: “it’s kind of a look”
LEILANI: “i think you’re slaying”
BROOKLYN: “i’m going to come over the counter and strangle all of y’all if you don’t shut the fuck up”
rebekah cowers behind cat.
CAT: “great now you’ve upset the baby”
BROOKLYN: “please just buy your shit and go”
LEILANI: “why are you here on a school day?”
BROOKLYN: “i don’t wanna talk about it”
CAT: “please i’m so curious this is so interesting i need answers”
BROOKLYN, SIGHING: “i dropped out of school because of that one time francis made fun of my gpa”
CAT: “…you. dropped out. because francis made fun of your gpa”
BROOKLYN: “IT HURT MY FEELINGS.”
CAT: “ITS FRANCIS.”
brooklyn throws an entire display across the room and then immediately proceeds to talk like nothing happened.
BROOKLYN: “what are you buying.”
LEILANI: “don’t dehumanize my boyfriend like that???”
BROOKLYN, LOOKING AT CAT: “…?”
CAT: “don’t.”
cat pays for dracula and the three head out. brooklyn immediately walks into the employee bathroom and starts violently sobbing into the sink for thirty minutes. everyone in the four surrounding stores can hear her but they don’t say anything because this is normal
elsewhere in the mall, delaney- pink, and xander- brunette glee fan (derogatory), are engaged in hand-to-hand combat over who wears pigtails better. both are somehow losing.
XANDER, INCREDIBLY SWEATY: “give it up, delaney. everyone knows i’m the better pigtailer.”
DELANEY, HOLDING A STAPLER AS A WEAPON: “i don’t think so.”
xandal runs at delaney with his arms flailing like a fucking idiot. delaney stops him.
DELANEY: “i know who can settle this.”
XANDY MAN: “who??”
DELANEY: “i’ve called alex.”
XAXA: “which one..?”
DELANEY: “we’re gonna find out.”
all three alex’s appear in the area by entirely unexplained means.
ALEX T: “who are y’all..?”
ALEX B AND ALEX H: “i’m alex! no, i’m alex! wait what, i’m alex? no, i’m alex. no wait-“
this continues for forty-five minutes. delaney, xancreatic cancer, and alex t all head to the food court about 3 minutes in.
also in the food court, emily is strutting towards delaney and mr xandman with her extremely sexy and hot aura.
DELANEY, BLUSHING: “emily…what are you doing here…?”
EMILY, ALSO BLUSHING: “oh nothing…just…being hot…”
XANDER, NOT BLUSHING: “what the fuck”
meanwhile, kaylee and francis are arguing next to an earthbound trading co.