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Envy Green

Summary:

Ritsu has a mental warfare with himself, sorting out jumbled up emotions towards his older brother who has psychic powers; while he does not.

Set before Ritsu found out that he’s an esper.

Notes:

Hello!! I am alive to make works again :D

This thing has been on my drafts since a year ago, figured I would finish it yeap.

You know how Mob has numbers as an indicator for his emotion capacity thing, yeah my mind went "What if Ritsu but like colors instead".

Anyways, I hope you enjoy this one; happy reading!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

“Nii-san! That’s so cool!”

Both of Ritsu’s hands were cold, touching a bubble of water that floats oh-so-magically on the air.

His older brother had floated a puddle nearby the playground after quite the rainy day. They had found interesting frogs and little critters around; but nothing beats the amazement on Ritsu’s eyes right now.

Psychic powers are so cool.

“Hey, nii-san! Do you think I would be able to do this too? Someday?”

His brother replies with a warm smile,

“Of course you will, you’re my little brother”

Yeah, Ritsu was just like him.


Ritsu was never like his older brother. While Shigeo is powerful esper with mind bending skills, he never really experienced to have that so-called “psychic powers” that intrigues him lots. Heck, he can’t even bend a single spoon though Shigeo seems to do it all the time without even meaning to. It is best to say that they’re both so different despite for the fact that they’re siblings.

Two polar opposites, Yin and Yang; those are a perfect symbolism of this two.

He was always the popular one in school. His classmates were fond of him, he had like four different girls confess to him this year, and the teachers won’t stop nagging him about student council duties and tutoring programs. Maybe he isn’t the best at sports and psychic stuff, but Ritsu is literally the perfect kid everyone wanted to be. he was the legendary “better neighbor kid who tops at his classes and the one mothers always contrasts their children with”.

Even Shigeo also thinks the same way about the smarts Ritsu always had.

Unfortunately, that didn’t cover up the simmering envy he felt for the people around him and his older brother. Not only burdened with expectations of his loved ones, he also needed to carry the responsibility of joining certain things.

Participating in the recent ‘Big Cleanup’ made him feel like a jerk, he just wanted to do something nice for everyone; including Kamuro as the president.

Why did he even participate in the first place?

Is it because of Kamuro’s remark in the fact that he’s not as perfect as he thought?

To think about it again, Ritsu isn’t perfect; that panda-eyed president was right. He envied his brother for something so small yet so big. Why is it hard knowing that in reality, he can’t just have it all. He wasn’t mad at anyone, just himself and the sheer arrogance he must’ve had to be able to act as if the world retaliates at him.

More and more negative things seem to pile up in Ritsu’s mind. Overthinking balances out the analytic skills he had, Ritsu guesses.

“Ah, I wish this would end…” a tiny mumble left his vocal cords heavy as he walked home from school.

His mind was cloudy today, too much responsibilities clashing with convoluted thoughts. He should really talk this out with somebody.

Okay, Ritsu had made progress; he had found a way to at least get home without having that I’m pissed stay away from me™ look on his face. Apparently inner monologues with yourself shares a thing or two with talking out to someone else, great job.

Opening the door, the now not-so-pissed-off kid greeted his parents and went straight to his room; not even bothering to eat dinner. Ha, classic emo-move right there.

 

Not even an hour or so and someone already starts knocking on his door,

Apparently being a studious kid isn’t enough of a reason to lock up and isolate himself in his room.

He let out a silent sigh; leaving his books untouched, his study lamp on as always,

“Goodness”

His older brother stands at the door, holding a plate of food.

“Ah Ritsu, have you eaten yet? Mom told me you haven’t so I brought a plate”

Shigeo figures that probably his little brother is just caught up with some school responsibilities, having his meal while finishing his assignments should do the job.

“Thanks nii-san, I’ll eat it after I finish my works-”

Subconsciously, Ritsu averted his eyes, looking aside to his books.

Shigeo does the same, stepping backwards just by a bit,

“Okay, don’t forget to bring the plates downstairs”

And the door closes.

 

When was even the last time he had a full-on conversation with his brother. That awkward talk prior about the dinner didn’t even last for more than five minutes.

Ritsu is still scared of his older brother. And Shigeo is still scared to talk to his younger brother about it.

Two polar opposites, yet they both found the most frustrating thing to twin at. Although Ritsu is more skilled at speaking than Shigeo is, the Kageyama siblings both does not know how to say a word regarding their emotions whatsoever.

Funny how that worked.

Ah, he should take a break from his mind.

Ritsu eats his dinner. Chicken rice and some veggies, scrumptious.

After that, he lays in bed and just sleeps.

 

Left his thoughts on a sour note, he dreams about dying once more, like the one happening back when he was a lot younger.

He can’t quite remember the scene, some punks hanging out on their block started messing with him. A light pull on the back of his bag would be tolerable at best, but being about a meter from the air as a child is beyond horrifying.

Maybe they wanted his money, or just simply is a bully. Whatever that is; they never hurt him anyways, because Shigeo was there. The crystal-like aura dances around his brother’s body as he called for help, creating a symphony of mess that is battered with blood.

Shigeo is a good brother, he never wanted to hurt Ritsu. It’s simply just out of his control. It does not change the fact that it happened though.

It does not simply change the fact that he is still afraid; no, terrified of his brother. He knows that his brother is capable of both giving him the world and taking it all from him.

Yet, Shigeo had saved him anyways. Or at least attempted to.

His older brother treasured him, he would even steal the moon and hung stars with his own hands if it meant that Ritsu would be happy again. Sadly, what happened can’t be undone; and what’s already done yearns to be resolved.

haah… he feels so guilty, what happened to the kid who’s kind to others, the golden child Ritsu?

 

 

Repay kindness to the ones that treated you likewise;

That’s what a good person would do, should do.

How can he even bother to make up space in his mind to be jealous and mad of his own brother, for such a small thing as psychic powers. Okay scratch that, it’s not that small, but it shouldn’t be a problem for him to handle.

For such a simple thing as his brother accidentally bending spoons would tick him off nowadays. He knows that Shigeo does not do that in an attempt to show-off, but his mind is all muddy and blinded from jealousy.

People just can’t feel enough sometimes, Ritsu included.

Notes:

Tune out for part two!

psst, it's titled Blood red hehe~

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